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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  July 19, 2011 2:00am-2:30am PDT

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no more diddy boat. - damn catfish nipping at my heels all the way-- endangered, my ass. there's a billion of them out there. - ugh. what the hell happened? - that was a hell of a swim. - charlie, where's the boat? what happened to the boat? - it's right there. this was a terrible investment. whew. >> july 18, 2011. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart.
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welcome to the daily show. my name is is jon stewart. good one tonight. our guest the young actor daniel radcliffe. as you probably heard he's the star of the new flick harry potter and the half billion dollars in worldwide weekend gross. so exciting tonight. i found out something scientifically i didn't know was possible. a canadian can breed with a german. ( cheers and applause ) did you know that? ( cheers and applause ) i don't even know how they fit them together. they've created a new species a canad-erman. you know what? no fooling around. our top story tonight, of course, the debt ceiling and our ongoing segment. that is in no way hyperbolic.
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as america moves closer to just laying out a blanket in front of our garage and selling off all our old board games it has become clear that time for action is short. >> the president says he wants an agreement. >> president obama set a deadline. >> president obama now says it's decision time. >> jon: oh, snap, commander in chief. throwing down a deadline. on friday the president of the united states broke out his "i mean business" podium. >> we are obviously running out of time. so what i've said to the members of congress is that you need over the next 24 to 6 hours to give me some sense of what your plan is to get the debt ceiling raised through whatever mechanisms they can think about. (laughing)
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>> jon: damn! republicans, you owe me a 24 to most likely 36 hours to be all... we were kind of thinking of maybe... damn! and if you don't, there is a strong possibility that you will be asked again, you know, for at least some sense of what your plan is because... anywho. all right. the president, when he does lay down the smackdown and say you have 24 to 36 hours and he tells you that on friday, certainly by monday we're going to see some progress. >> good morning to you, jeff. no talks scheduled at least as of yet for today and no visible progress over the weekend. >> jon: ha! no visible progress. no visible. all the progress over the weekend took place in the mike robeial world not visible to
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the naked eye. republican bacteria quite busy me tap liesing the debt ceiling. i'm being told that didn't happen either. why won't republicans negotiate in good faith? is it because perhaps they sense in the stand-off an opportunity to weigh down this presidency with the sputtering economy, hastening obama's inexorable slide to one termsmanship? or perhaps is it something that it clearly isn't. >> why has the debt limit been raised 60 times? what is different about this president? that should put him in a position that he should not receive the same kind of respectful treatment when it is necessary to raise the debt limit in order to pay our bills. why is he different? >> jon: he's the first president in history to own a portuguese water dog? he's... he voted against
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raising the debt ceiling in 2006? wait, that can't be it. just tell us. >> why is this president being treated so disrespectfully? i am particularly sensitive to the fact that only this president, only this one, only this one has received the kind of attacks and disagreements and inability to work. only this one. read between the lines. >> jon: read between the lines. i can't even focus. your shirt is like an optical illusion for god's sakes. your shirt's like one of page i can eye posters. maybe if i just stair at your shirt, i'll figure out... oh!
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oh, that's what you're trying to say. i'm not sure that's it. ( cheers and applause ) why didn't she just say that in the first place? i don't think that's right. i think the reason republicans won't work with the president is because he's black. it's because they think he's crazy. >> unless the president gets off his absolute obsession with raising taxes. >> the obama administration's continuing obsession to raise taxes. >> you're not going to get jobs as long as the president of the united states has this tax obsession. >> jon: he is obsessed. that explains obama's new cologne. why do they treat this president differently? because he's not wearing a shirt?
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do any democrats have hair on their chests? weiner? for god's sakes? is there some sort of litmus test? of course the republicans are reacting to the president's debt reduction plan including revenue increases such as closing corporate loopholes and rescinding the bush tax cuts on the rich. the rich or as the republicans call them. >> job creators. >> it is certainly making it difficult for the job creators. >> getting launched off the backs of the job creators. >> stopping tax increases on our job creators. >> jon: republicans are no longer allowed to say that people are rich. you have to refer to them as job creators. you can't even use the word rich. you have to say this chocolate cake is so moist and job creator. my favorite comic book is job creator and job creator.
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the debt ceiling debate... the debt ceiling debate, if you can even call it a debate, seems at this point still in its cynical strategy phase which obviously they can get away with as long as the public doesn't demand action on the debt ceiling. too bad for the politicians that we have a vibrant and focused media culture in this country. dedicated to battling obfuscation and bringing clarity. >> only 20 to 25% of americans want a deal that is only spending cuts. >> almost 70% of americans want a solution that includes both spending cuts and revenue increases. >> an overwhelming 55% of americans want nothing to do with the tax hike and the debt deal. >> the vast majority of americans want tax hikes to be part of the debt ceiling deal. >> 11% of americans say that increasing government spending will be good for the economy. >> americans by almost a 2 to 1 margin want their member of congress to vote against
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raising the debt ceiling. >> there's now more americans who say raise it. we understand the implications to the economy. >> just 24% of americans support lifting the debt limit. >> 52% are in favor of voting against raising the debt kreel >> about 3% of americans admit to watching porn at work. ( applause ) >> jon: now that you've sufficiently baffled you with nonsense we return to our
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so, what are we going to do with this? i don't know. the usual? [ blower whirring ] sometimes it pays to switch things up. my - what, my hair? no. car insurance. i switched to progressive and they gave me discounts for the time i spent with my old company. saved a bunch. that's a reason to switch. big savings -- it's a good look for you. [ blower whirring ] [blower stops] the safety was off. out there with a better way. now, that's progressive.
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( cheers and applause ) welcome back to the program. now as we just saw in the first act, the nation clearly is in dire straits with regard to the debt ceiling crisis. for more on its possible impact we're joined by jason jones. thanks so much for joining us. ( cheers and applause ) jason, if the experts are to be believed inaction on the debt ceiling and deficit reduction would be catastrophic but the negotiations have thus far seemingly brought out the
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worst in our political and pundit class. >> that's right. if the conversation continues this way, we could very well hit the national bullshit ceiling. >> jon: well, that would be catastrophic. >> that's right. as you know, jon, the national bullshit or to put it in layman's terms the amount of bullshit people are actually willing to take has been slowly creeping up. >> jon: where are now with the bullshit right now? >> americans have had it up to about here with this bullshit. but by the end of next month it seems likely we'll have had it up to here. bullshitwise. and the last time i checked we don't have pooh-gills. >> jon: what would the ramification of that be? >> as you know historically the balance in our country has always been money talks and bullshit walks. but this recent surge has so bloated bullshit it is no longer ambulatory.
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william jennings brian must be rolling over in his grave. >> jon: will williams jennings brian what does he have to do with it? >> he was one of the earliest crusaders against shitflation. hence, his famous 1896 speech "you will not crucify mankind upon a cross of poop." as you know, jennings never wore blue. >> jon: clearly a couple of history majors laughed at that. i've got to tell you, i'm very impressed. you really know your bullshit. >> well, got a b.s. >> jon: where did you go to school? brown? >> very mature. very mature, jon. you know very well i went to anal roberts university. >> jon: so.... >> a good school. >> jon: go fightin' fishers. we're close to hitting the
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bullshit ceiling. why should we worry? >> jon, if we reach the point where the amount of bullshit exceeds the amount of actual things we will effectively default on reality. it's already started happening. >> if you want an abortion you go to planned parenthood. that's well over 90% of what planned parenthood does. >> trying to ask what he was talking about there. i just want to give it to you ver bait... verbatim. his remark was not intended to be a factual statement. >> did you see that? when jon kyl got called on his bullshit his response was to get angry at people for expecting something other than bullshit. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: in this time of crisis, why can't we just raise the bullshit ceiling? >> this isn't an arbitrary figure like the debt ceiling. this is real. and if we can't cut the bullshit, then there's only
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one solution: we as a nation need to start replacing shit with farts from our butt. >> jon: come on, jason. >> watch. factual assessments of reality- based truths. or farts, as they're called. we need politicians and journal i haves willing to call bullshit on the bullshit. >> jon: you said the farts would come from our butt. >> yes. bold, uncompromising truth telling. why? what did you? oh, farts from our butt. jon, grow up.
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( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight on broadway starring in how to succeed in business without really trying. you may know from harry potter and the deathly hallows, part 2. >> can you see anything? >> everything you touch will multiply. >> jon: come on. that looks cool. please welcome daniel radcliffe. ( cheers and applause )
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nice to see you. thank you for being here. >> thank you very much. >> jon: i don't want spoilers. i don't want... i've not had a chance. does he get his ring back? >> yes. he's the central character in this film. >> jon: what an exciting time. how are you feeling right now? is it excitement over having this done? is it melancholy? bitter-sweet? what's the feeling? >> i don't know. it's weird. in the london premiere i was very emotional. i was kind of... it's been a year since we started filming. i guess i'm kind of focused on the show at the moment as well as still doing it eight times a week. i don't know. >> jon: are you doing the show tonight? >> no, no. monday is our night off. >> jon: you get one night off in eight shows a week.
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well, that is the lacyiest thing i've ever heard in my life. try doing four 22 minutes. >> it's kind of sad and we've all had our grieving period. it's very exciting because people are going to see it. >> jon: is it hard as someone who was a part of it for ten years, do you get jaded? is it hard... does people's enthusiasm, are you like, oh, that's nice. >> not at all. >> jon: it's magic. >> not at all. that's what's kind of cool. that's what's been great is the fact that we haven't gotten jaded. we were excited to go to work. we all loved our jobs and having different directors come in and keep things fresh and work with the amazing actors. it's hard to get jaded when you're a 14-year-old. it can't get much better than
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that. >> jon: that is part of it. as a 14-year-old being jaded is in many ways your job. like, gary is coming. wow. you're 14. >> i know but i don't know i've been good at that. this whole thing about people my age. i think what is lovely is that it does not apply to them. i'm always amazed when i meet a person my own age who is enthusiastic and excited. i always latch on them. cool. you don't care about this ridiculous pretending that you don't care about stuff. >> jon: it reminds me of star wars. i will tell you this, i'm a 4-year-old man. at a certain point going to the star wars conventions, you know, but as long as my son will dress up like obi-wan and provide some type of cover for me, i don't mind. i'm not jaded about it at all. i find these movies to be
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wonderful morality tales with great characters. >> and they're a huge amount of fun. amy, my... and the other day i'm i've been saying it for weeks. i never said anything to her. i've got to tell you i'm a massive fan which is a cartoon. not one person here knows it. i'm scared to admit that's perhaps not the one thing she would have liked me to pick out of her catalogue of work. i spent three hours with the cartoons. this girl i remember asking her at the opening night party, how did you prepare for this show? she wanteded me to say, well, i sit in a stable for a couple of days. i was like well i watch a
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certain thing. >> jon: i can tell my children they're going to be actors. >> that's all the prep you need. >> jon: i wanted to show you something. here are the real world implications of harry potter. when we're here on the very pristine 11th avenue and 52nd street studios which is new york's famed crack core district, this is a tournament just three days ago. it's a tournament, real people playing it. we asked them to submit some questions for you. i want you to see it. look at that one. >> do you feel any guilt from our ongoing virginity. do you any anti-wedgey spells?
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>> dan in the book it was mentioned but not the other movies. >> can you tell my mom to pick me up at 5:00. >> did you ever do it. what is "do it"? >> let me think. yes, i feel very guilty. your mum has probably left you there by now. i can't remember what the other ones were. but that poor kid they were like tackling him. >> jon: i know. he's 10. >> he's the snitch. somebody runs around as the snitch. pounced on. >> jon: my favorite part of that is the kid in yellow. there's a guy behind him wielding the broom like a club. >> i didn't see that. >> jon: like capone. this broom gives me enthusiasm. have you actually gone.
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>> with all due respect, what do you think would happen? it would be chaos. i found the real.... >> jon: it would be absolute madness. >> it would be a nightmare. i think i'd be really good. >> jon: you'd be, in fact, the chosen one. >> nice. >> jon: harry potter and the deathly hallows, part 2. if you don't know, it is in the theaters right now. you should go see it because it hasn't earned its second billion yet. daniel radcliffe.
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