Skip to main content

tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  August 30, 2011 9:25am-9:55am PDT

9:25 am
>> august 15, 2011. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: hey, everybody. welcome to the daily show. my name shall jon stewart. oh, listen to the crowd. they are so fired up for independence day. i can't even tell you. ( cheers and applause ) now, pakistan independence day too or just india?
9:26 am
that was yesterday? it's on a different day? yesterday. i think i just started a fight. our guest tonight the smooth soothe sar of the money honey bear ali velshi will be joining us but our big story tonight is is presidential politics. new candidates in, old candidates out. it all happened here. ames, iowa. founded in 1632 by willie ames. yes, once again ames iowa in the spotlight as a result of the 2011 iowa straw poll are in. >> with 16,892 iowans voting, the winner of the 2011 iowa straw poll is congresswoman michele bachmann. >> jon: there you go. >> audience: boo. >> jon: i see we have a lot of
9:27 am
pawlenty supporters in the audience this evening. backman wins. the ayes or shall i say the crazy eyes have it. michele bachmann's 4,823 votes narrowly clipping ron paul. no one else even close. exciting victory. looking for someone to throw cold water on it in 3, 2,... boom. former george bush strategist matthew dow. >> ames has never had a history of picking winners but they've certainly had a history of picking losers. >> jon: michele bachmann so you won. one of the actual losers of the poll, they must be celebrating their not winning. >> we needed to get some lift to continue on and to have a pathway forward. that didn't happen. so i'm announcing this morning on your show that i'm going to be ending my campaign for president. >> jon: (snoring). here's the problem with that guy in iowa.
9:28 am
any time he's around you cannot operate heavy farm machinery. sir, stop talking. i have to work my crops. so the republicans move into the fall with michele bachmann the big story. what was that? that laugh, so familiar, so regional. i can't place it. it can't be. he's not eligible to run again. >> i declare to you today as a candidate for president of the united states. ( cheers and applause ) >> sometimes it kind of takes me a while to get into something like this presidential race, but let me tell you when i'm in, i'm in all the way. >> jon: why would the josh brolin character from w be running for president? what? that's a real guy? no. i interviewed him? oh.
9:29 am
three-term texas governor. i'm sure i'm overreacting. two texas governors who sort of sound alike. how similar could they be? >> they're two guys from west texas. same texas boots. same kind of ideologies. similar manners and some of that west texas swagger. >> former air force pilot and father of two. >> met his wife in elementary school. he holds a day-prayer and carries a laser-fired pistol. he is george bush on steroids. >> jon: no. no, he's not! he's not george bush on steroids. rick perry is what happens if lex luthor disstilled george bush's essence in a laboratory and crossed it with gun powder and semen from the finest thoroughbred and strappeded that concoction on to a nuclear missile and shot it into the (beep) sun. and then waited, waited, waited, until one day on the anniversary of the alamo a solar flare yada yada yad rick perry.
9:30 am
how do i know that this creature is george bush-plus- plus? oh, i'll tell you how i know. >> he's a man of trust in his family. his father-in-law actually did his vasectomy. (laughing) >> jon: may i remind you, his father-in-law is not a doctor. (laughing) just one of these. hold still, rick. which want do you want vasectomyed first? so now with pawlenty dropping out, rick perry dropping in, we've got ourselves a race. >> we have a top tier. it is mitt romney, rick perry and michele bachmann. >> we have a new top tier.
9:31 am
perry, romney and bachmann. >> there's a top tier in this race of romney, perry and bachmann. >> that's fair so say. >> jon: really, fair to say? you're not forgetting anyone say an ideologically consistent congressman who came within 200 votes of winning the straw poll. isn't anyone going to give that gentleman a little love. >> there's a top tier of bachmann, perry and romney and we haven't mentioned, we should. >> bob: thank you. >> we haven't mentioned we should rick santorum who did surprisingly well for the amount of money and resources he had. >> jon: rick santorum. he didn't get half of what ron paul got. he lost to the guy who lost so bad he dropped out of the race. santorum? >> we're looking at mitt romney who continues to be the frontrunner. but we have rick perry as well and now michele bachmann. let's not count out john huntsman though.
9:32 am
>> jon: what? john huntsman? huntsman got 69 votes. if all of john huntsmans sporters met at the same ames iowa restaurant the fire marshal would say, that's fine. no problem. there's still some tables open in the back. huntsman was the only mormon running in the straw poll, and he came in second amongst mormons. and by the way this pretending ron paul doesn't exist for some reason has been going on for weeks. >> a new gallup survey showing rick perry running second to mitt romney knocking down iowa favorite michele bachmann to fourth. >> jon: behind who? fourth behind who? how did libertarian ron paul become the 13th floor in a hoe hotel?
9:33 am
why... what's wrong with... he is tea party patient zero. all that small government grass roots businesses he planted that grass. these other folks are just moral majorities in a try cornered hat. ron paul is the real deal. fox news should love this guy. watch the disconnect between the debate moderators at fox's thursday's debate and the debate audience. >> iran does not have an air force that can come here. just like we did in iraq, build up the war propaganda. there is no al qaeda in iraq. they have nuclear weapons and we had to go in. i'm sure you supported that war as well. it's time we quit this. it's trillions of dollars we're spending on these wars. >> jon: what's with the smirk and the eye roll? the crowd goes nuts and you do one of these. there goes crazy uncle ron. babbling about the
9:34 am
unsustainability of multiple wars. he's the one guy in the field who doesn't go out of his way to regurgitate talking points or change what he believes to fit the audience he's in front of you. and you're treating him like if this were celebrity apprentice, he'd be this guy. by the way, of the ames iowa straw poll it use to be huntsman 77-69. even when the media does remember ron paul it's only to reassure themselves there's no need to remember there was ron paul. >> several of the candidates are here today. we have live pictures of ron paul but we're talking about sarah palin and rick perry, two people not in the race yet too. >> if you get video of is aor a palin or get a sound bite from her, bring that back to us. you can hold the ron paul stuff.
9:35 am
>> jon: we'll be right back. the never ending pasta bowl for just $8.95. with new sauces like roasted mushroom parmesan and hearty pizzaiola meat. choose as many sauce and pasta combinations as often as you want. plus unlimited salad and breadsticks all for just $8.95. only at olive garden.
9:36 am
9:37 am
9:38 am
welcome back. the iowa straw poll isn't the only poll to reveal surprising results. congress was the subject of a recent poll. fortunately no one in there appears ready to follow pawlenty's lead and bow out. samantha bee has more. >> reporter: in the wake of the debt ceiling debate congress has reached a new low. >> congress's job approval number, according to our most recent poll, is 14%. >> reporter: 14%. who the (beep) are these people? there's a higher percentage of
9:39 am
dentists who recommend sugary gum than people who approve of congress. i hit the streets to find one of these elusive approvers. >> they're screwing it all up. >> they're doing a terrible job. >> i haven't approved anything congress has done since perhaps 1970. >> congress stinks. >> reporter: statistically there had to be someone who approved of congress. >> no. >> no. >> no, not at all. >> yes. >> reporter: what? >> yes. yes, i do. >> reporter: and there he was. an actual 14%er. james schmool. >> i totally approve of congress. i have full faith in them. >> reporter: are you sure you know what congress is? >> yes, i am. >> reporter: you know that congress isn't a water skiing squirrel, right? >> look, this is the 112th congress that this country has had. i think they're going to do what they need to do. >> reporter: okay. do you think that this is
9:40 am
congress? >> stop it. >> reporter: because it's its approval rating never goes down. he just wasn't getting it. who won the debt ceiling negotiations? >> both sides won. and the public won too. >> reporter: you are blowing my mind. >> get used to it. >> reporter: but i couldn't. i had never met anybody so exotic. was there anything he didn't like? what does the world look like through schmool-colored glasses? do you like this? do you like being jammed into a taxi cab struck in traffic? >> i don't mind it. i'm used to it. >> reporter: time to take it up a notch. let me guess. >> i like this. >> reporter: you like this. >> i thought it was great. >> reporter: great. >> very entertaining. >> reporter: from donald trump's favorite pizza.... >> pretty good. >> reporter:... to new york's many amenities.... >> that's fine. everything was fine in there. >> reporter:... and its
9:41 am
cultural icon. really, really? this entertains you? >> this is great. >> reporter: these women are wasted. perhaps there was something else at work here. something that was wrong with his brain part. we subjected him to a battery of tests. >> there's no evidence of that on this scan. it does not look like he's been injured at all. >> reporter: there goes that theory. >> you see this smile? that's what you need to do. >> reporter: look at the scan of your brain. >> it looks like a face. you have eyes, a nose. >> reporter: i realized that there was only one place a 14 percenter like james would ever fit in. >> i like to be positive. i think it's very important. i live my life that way. >> come on. the sunnyiest guy we know, james. >> thank you. appreciate it.
9:42 am
♪ sign up for free to get daily deals in your town.
9:43 am
9:44 am
( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight is cnn's chief business correspondent. his forth coming book due out in november is called "how to speak money: the language and knowledge you need now." please welcome to the program ali velshi. ( applause ) thank you for joining us. nice to see you. >> thank you, sir. good to be here. >> jon: explain to me, i watch television. the stock market, a terrible thing happened to the stock market. it went down 600 points on news of europe. then the next day from what i understand europe was still very similar to how it had been the day before. and it went up 500 points. then the next day it went down 450 points on news of something. and then the next day it went up 300. are they (beep) with us?
9:45 am
>> you know, it's exactly right what you're saying because the companies that make up the stock market didn't change. they weren't worth 5% less the next day and they weren't worth 3% more after that. that's exactly right. the stock market is the collection of a value of underlying companies. that's what the judgment should be, but the stock market has been a barometer of how investors around the world kind of feel about the way things are going. that's the stuff you've seen over the last few weeks. >> jon: more of a mood ring. >> exactly. it's a mood ring with a big board that you can watch all the time. >> jon: have we gotten to the point, are we too hooked into this idea of the stock market as a permanent thermometer. >> yes. >> jon: of the health of our nation, economically and otherwise. >> absolutely we are. absolutely we are. it's one measure. >> jon: what is a measure that would perhaps or is it just too complicated to really show graphically to television
9:46 am
viewers, what would give us a better sense of the underlying health? >> it would be good to have a real feel for the economy. really we all feel it in our lives. the three things that make you feel prosperous in your life are the value of your investments going up if you have investments. that's the stock market. number two the value of your home going up if you have a home. but you can actually live without investments and a home. you can't live without an income. so your job and the idea that you will earn and continue to earn is the most important. the stock market is not the most important thing. the debt ceiling is not the most important thing. employment or unemployment that we have now is the most important thing. that's what you feel good or bad about. ( applause ) >> jon: now i watch c-span. >> i like these people. >> jon: very nice people. i watch the c-span all and these things. all of our representatives in congress no matter what anybody is talking about if it's something they don't like will say we shouldn't be talking about that, we should be talking about jobs. back and forth. they keep saying we should
9:47 am
really be talking about jobs. let's talk about jobs. what can they actually do about jobs and is that just a kujal they use to shut the other person up? is there anything they can actually do? it reminds me of what they used to do with terrorism. we shouldn't be talking about this we should be talking about terrorism if they brought up something they didn't want to talk about. >> i wish we had treated jobs the way we treated this debt ceiling which was a bit of a manufactured crisis. jobs isn't. what if we actually got everybody together and said if there was some deadline to figure out how we can create jobs in this country, can you imagine the passion that went into this ridiculous debt ceiling debate went into how did we actually get jobs created? government can't create jobs unless it's a stimulus where they actually hire people to do things but they can create an environment that makes it easy for companies to hire people. that might be what the president is talking about, reducing payroll taxes. generally accommodating businesses that might hire somebody. ultimately you don't hire somebody unless there's demand. but number three we have a
9:48 am
whole lot of people unemployed in this country who are not trained for the things we actually need people to be able to do. so what if we had a way for those unemployed people who are trained in the wrong things to get retraininged, take the time out to do that, maybe it's a year or two years, maybe it's longer. >> jon: who would retrain it? >> in the private sector. there are companies, colleges that do this or you go to a college to become a nurse if you were a manufacturing worker. >> jon: who pays for you... if you don't have a job. >> what if the government could guarantee the cost of that transformation. >> jon: so you're a socialist? >> ma what if the banks do it? the banks can do it. i can tell you what it would cost to reinvent yourself. what if you can take that calculation and say it's going cost me that much money and i'm going to make this much more and pay taxes for the rest of my life. why not finance that transformation. >> jon: when i hear you speak you sound rational. this sounds do-able. it does not sound ideologically insane. it sounds like a mixture of some suggestions and remedies from different sides of the
9:49 am
aisle. what is it about getting something like that done and you're talking about the public sector because the private sector is free to do whatever they want to do. what is holding this up? what is the obstacle? is it all self-inflicted wounds? >> well, i think what we've done is we are now sort of 25 years into this idea about how government is... interferes in your life and is bad for your life. now we've got people who have been elected to congress on the basis that they will be uncompromising in their representation of their own constituents as opposed to going to congress in order to find compromises that are good for the whole country. i think we've just gotten to this point where we're so dug in on my particular interest which is likely in many cases no new taxes or don't raise taxes under any circumstance, that we don't have the ability to compromise. >> jon: isn't what they're saying if you just remove taxes and any regulation, suddenly our economy would get
9:50 am
back on solid footing and we would once again build railroads.... >> there is some truth to that. there is some truth to that. there's also some truth to the fact that right now wouldn't be a great time to raise taxes. but the government is there to provide some sort of leadership and guidance around where private sector money can go. >> jon: effective governance. >> that means trusting your government. government can't influence anything because nobody trusts government right now. >> jon: very interesting, ali velshi. ( applause ) if we were to do these things it's as though we would have a functioning infrastructure in the country again. >> yeah. >> jon: very interesting. i will pass your words on. ali velshi. ( cheers and applause )
9:51 am
: could switching to geico really save you 15% or more on car insurance? host: do people use smartphones to do dumb things? man 1: send, that is the weekend. app grapgic: yeah dawg! man 2: allow me to crack...the bubbly! man 1: don't mind if i doozy. man 3: is a gentleman with a brostache invited over to this party? man 1: only if he's ready to rock! ♪ sfx: guitar and trumpet jam vo: geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
9:52 am
9:53 am
9:54 am
( cheers and applause ) >> jon: join us tomorrow night at 11:00. tomorrow night at 11:00 matt long will be here. new york city firefighter hit by a bus. hit by a bus. now he's back stronger than ever. his book is the story of that. and the fact that he is now kick all of our asses. it's somewhat of a remarkable journey. anyway that's tomorrow night. here it is your moment of zen. >> they're allowed to bring these guns into bars. everyone thought a lot of shootings would go up. you know what? the number of crimes involving guns dropped 5 to 2% the last