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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  September 5, 2011 11:00pm-11:30pm PDT

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>> come on, dee! (cheering) >> no! >> your beer, free for us for life! >> for life! (whooping) >> you guys, i'm sorry, i... you guys, one more time. let's just challenge them to one more, you know what i mean? i feel like we could really get these guys. >> don't you see, dee? we've already won. (charlie laughing) what does that mean? what are you talking about? (stomach gurgling) oh! oh, god. >> hey, what... whoa, what's going on with me? >> oh, what's going on is that you just drank a cup of poison. (cheering) >> you got poisoned! >> paddy's pub, bitches! >> you guys poisoned the beer? >> yes, dee, we did poison the beer. that was the only way we could beat these little bitches. >> i thought you guys believed in me. you were so proud of me. >> oh, no. >> we knew you were going to choke. >> yeah. >> yeah, we'd knew you pretty much choke under pressure, which is why... >> flip! flip! flipadelphia! flip! flip! flipadelphia! flip! flip! flipadelphia!
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flip! flip! flipadelphia! (vomiting) flip! flip! flipadelphia! flip! flip! flipadelphia! flip! flip! flipadelphia! ♪ (frank straining) >> yank. rip 'em off. pull 'em off. yank 'em. yank 'em. >> they're not coming off, man. >> these pants are not... we're going to have to burn them off, i think. >> got to get them off, 'cause i got no circulation in my legs. >> yeah, i don't know. >> you've got to be kidding me. >> whoa, whoa, hey. pump your brakes there, pal. slow down for a second. what, what's your problem exactly? >> what's my problem? okay, you know what? you disrespected my business. you vandalized my home, all in the name of some stupid drinking competition. and then when i finally cave in, you don't even show up. >> show up for what? >> wha...? flipadelphia! >> oh, flipadelphia. >> was that today? >> yeah? >> okay, you know what? i want a challenge. okay, my bar, flip cup today. let's go. >> nah. >> no, we moved on.
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>> yeah, i'm over it. >> you know what? that's going to be a pass for me, too. >> yeah, i don't feel well at all. they poisoned me. >> i'm not feeling it, either. so that's going to be unanimous no from us. >> sorry. >> god! >> oh! (door slamming) >> hey, now! >> come on, man. >> what was that? >> totally uncalled for. >> who slams a door? >> babies. >> i mean, that guy's got some real growing up to do. i mean, have some respect for christ's sake. goddamn savage. i am a legend. >> august 18th, 2011,from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. (cheers and applause) >> jon: no, no!
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i applaud you. (laughter) our guest the multitalented anne hathaway, very pleased about that. but first, there is an ongoing argument in this very country, about how best to close the enormous deficit that we have incurred. republicans have proposed doing it entirely through spending cuts. whereas the democrats have bravely fought back insisting we do it almost entirely through spending cuts. well, this week bizarrely uneccentric billionaire warren buff at the time entered the frey. >> the billionaire says while most americans struggle to make ends meet, we megarich continue to get our extraordinary tax breaks. my friends and i have been coddled long enough. >> i pay lower tax rate on much of my income than my
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cleaning lady does. >> jon: well, to be fair, warren buffett's cleaning lady is also a billionaire. (laughter) >> jon: warren buffett's op ed was a thoughtful treatise on the advantages the superwealthy currently enjoy at the hands at the tax code. or to put that another way. >> up next tonight, warren buffett, class warfare. >> more class warfare from an a fabl billionaire who should stop assuming the rich are all billionaires. >> warren buffett wrote an op ed, is he completely a socialist? (laughter) >> jon: is warren buffett a socialist? you have no [bleep] clue what socialist is, do you. hey, that george clooney always banging different broads what a year. (laughter) -- what a queer. (laughter)
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>> jon: so closing a few corporate tax loopholes and returning the top marginal tax rate to the 90s economic boom time levels is class warfare. and if there's one thing the rich have learned, it's that class warfare is hell. >> he invoked the corporate jet class. >> so that's a whole new category of people to demonize, right. >> soak the rich, it's their fault. >> barack obama's tax on these evil, disgusting corporate jet owners. >> demonizing the rich as evil, as lazy, as inheriters of their wealth. >> he's saying fat cats. >> it's disappointing. it's class warfare and the kind of language you would expect from a leader of a third-world country, not the president of the united states. >> jon: true, because united states of america is not a third-world country. by any measure. except perhaps income in equality where we rank-- worse than the ivory coast, worse
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than cameroon-- 64th. ah. in your face uruguay, jamaica and uganda. (applause) uganda? yeah, uganda, yeah. (applause) >> jon: keep trying, rwanda. (laughter) wow. and by the way, not only is closing corporate loopholes-- (laughter) you are a nerd crowd. (laughter) >> jon: there's no doubt in my mind. (cheers and applause) by the way, not only is closing corporate loopholes and raising the marginal tax rate class warfare, it totally wouldn't even work. >> you can tax rich people all you want. and you're not going to -- >> the idea that if we raise taxes as the president said on millionaires and billionaires, raise taxes on
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oil companies, raise taxes on owners of private jets, that that somehow is going to make a difference. >> the president wants to raise the top 2 income tax rates which would raise about $700 billion over ten years. you know what, that's only a tiny fraction of the federal government's deficit. >> jon: $700 billion over ten years. (laughter) that's less money than warren buffett's cleaning lady pulls out of his shower drain every week. (laughter) no,-- so-- so $700 billion of raised revenue over ten years ain't even worth the effort. i assume these folks have the same why bother attitude towards low level spending cuts. >> a national endowment for the arts, for the humannities, all those frivolous things those should all be on the chopping block. >> federal employees don't
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pay for parking. >> so that would get them $140 million. >> he doesn't have to waste your tax dollars and travel around in a 1.1 million luxury liner. >> why are we spending $6 million, $1 million on the first lady. >> you got to start somewhere. even when we talk about npr, a million dollars here, that's a million dollars. >> jon: oh, so when you cut t it's a million dollars. but when you tax it, it's oh, $700 billion. all we had to do to raise $700 billion is cut $700,000 nprs. it's almost too easy. but if it's revenue you want, it does happen to be another place instead of the rich that you can look for it. >> warren buffett writing how the rich should pay more tax but saying not a word about the half of american households that pay no income taxes at all. >> is that fair when half the population pays absolutely nothing. >> 51%, that's a majority of
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american households paid no income tax in 2009. zero. zip, in additiona. >> many of them get so much money in tax credits that it wipes out any social security taxes or medicare taxes they're paying. they are absolutely on a free ride. >> jon: you hear that, poors! the free ride esta over. so it looks like you'll be walking to work. assuming you have a job. chances are you probably don't have a job. so why are you asking us for a ride. so-- the solution-- (applause) >> jon: to our economic problem is, the solution to our economic problem isn't taxing the rich, it's --. >> broaden the tax base. >> everyone needs to pay something. >> before you start demanding one group pay more, maybe get everyone to put
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skin in the game. >> stephen: s that-- . >> jon: that's the problem with poor people. they still have some of their skin. (laughter) but you know what? maybe they're right. maybe fox is right. maybe the bottom 50% of americans while they already pay excise and payroll and medicare taxes do need to pay more. i mean they can spare it, after all, they control 2.5 percent of our nation's wealth. oh, you know what actually this is a pretty easy calculation. the bottom 50% it is simple math. in dollar figures the bottom 50% of this country have 1.45 trillion dollars in every thing they own on this earth. so let's see, they have 1.45 trillion dollars. so what do you say we take i don't know, half of that. that would be, look at this, $700 billion. (cheers and applause)
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why does that figure sound so familiar. >> the president wants to raise the top 2 income tax rates which would raise about $700 billion over ten years. you know what, that's only a tiny fraction of the federal government's deficit. >> jon: so raising the income tax rate on the top 2% of earners with would raise 700 billion but taking half of everything the bottom 50% have in this country would do the same. i see the problem here. we need to take all of what the bottom 50% have. all of it. it's the only way to make a significant dent. now we're up to 1.4 trillion. and if you are worried about the poors, don't. because they're defined by the census as a family of four making less than $22,350 a year. four, 22,350 a year. they'll be fine. >> poor families in the
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united states are not what they used to be. >> when you look at the actual living conditions of the 43 million people that the census says are poor you see that in fact they have all these modern conveniences. >> 99% of them have a refrigerator. (laughter) >> jon: 99% have refrigerators. you food shilling mother [bleep] how dare you! (cheers and applause) that's why it makes complete sense! that's why it makes complete sense that the word "poor" in that graphic is in quotations. these people aren't poor. they're-- i'm sure the other 1% of those people who don't have refrigerators don't have them not because they don't have food because they're always ordering room service. these poor people are living like they just won a showcase showdown. >> 81% have a microwave. 78% have air conditioning.
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63% have cable tv. 54% have cell phones. 48% have a coffee maker. 25% have a dishwasher. >> jon: 25% have a dishwasher! though to be fair after a 12 hour shift of washing dishes the last thing you want is to bring your work home with you. so you see, the problem with increasing the marginal tax rate on the rich and closing corporate tax loopholes isn't that it engages in class warfare, it is that it is fighting on the wrong side of the war. >> it is all out war on the productive class in our society for the benefit of the moocher class. >> the makers and the takers. they want to take it from somebody else. >> everybody is jumping in the wagon, no one wants to pull. >> parasites we have out there dependent on government. >> the raccoons, they're not stupid. they're going to say they are going to do the easy way if we make it easy just like welfare recipients all across america. >> welfare will create a generations of utterly
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irresponsible animals. >> jon: yeah. [bleep] those people! the poor. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause)
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hey, i'm really glad we took this last minute trip! me too. you booked our room right? not yet, thanks for reminding me. wait, what? fret not ma'lady. i have the hotels.com app so we can get a great deal even at the last minute. ah, well played sir. download the free hotels.com app and get exclusive mobile deals. hotels.com. be smart. book smart.
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>> (cheers and applause) >> welcome back. remember, remember a few weeks ago standard & poor's downgraded parker's credit rating. guess what, s&p, payback's a bitch. >> the justice department is reportedly launched a probe into whether standard & poor's credit ratings agency improperly rated mortgage securities giving them intentionally higher ratings while knowing they were troubled in the leadup to the world financial crisis. >> what? what's up, s&p, tell me how our ass tastes. you mess with you, you mess with you. you're meat. and by meat i mean we launched a probe and you may be subject to several depositions by government officials. plus interviews by investigators that in some cases could lead to fines. obviously it's a negotiation in many respects. the point is there is a strong chance your name will end up in a scathing editorial on page a 17 in "the new york times". sorry s&p, but revenge is a dish best served slow and
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with a great deal of bureaucratic paperwork. (laughter) you really thought you could downgrade the united states of america and walk away. wait, where are you going? in fact, i can only think of one thing a credit rating agency could do that would be a worse idea. >> in new jersey's bond rating has taken a hit, fitch downgraded the state's credit rating from aa to aa mine is-- minus saying the state doesn't have the money to pay for pensions and other worker entitlement programs. >> you must be out of you are your mind. the credit rating agency fitch downgraded new jersey? that brings me to my new segment what are you frigin nuts over there? downgrading america's one thing but you dare downgrade new jersey? do you have any idea what that state is capable of? (laughter) i know, i live there. remember born to run with bruce springstein says this town runs the bone from your back, a death trap. >> the new jersey state senate wanted to make it the state song. (laughter) rip the bones from your back.
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when he decided to call new jersey the garden state, you know what they z they paved the whole [bleep] thing over. take the city of camden, city some of the worst crime rates what did they do they cut their police force in half and built an aquarium so the criminals will have a shark tank to dump bodies in, i don't know. how do you know not this, fitch. haven't you see new jersey's tourism ads. >> in new jersey 44 people were arrested in a federal sting today including three mayors, and five rabbies. everything from bribery to selling organs. >> new jersey and you. perfect together. (applause) >> jon: we'll be right back.
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wlingz. >> my guest tonight an act ris. >> you know, we've never actually met. >> actually, we have,
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several times. >> have we? >> you crashed my birthday party, called pie juliy and-- down my top. >> well, i'm sorry about that. >> in, not at all. you're delightful. >> was i. >> no, look, if you are's not julie. >> i'm emma, emma morley. >> listen, i'll walk you home. >> i can tell you what is weird, she's not actually graduate until that film, it's just a hat she likes. please welcome back to the show anne hathaway. young lady. (applause) how are you? >> i'm good. i'm good. can i help with you something? >> jon: no, i was looking, i thought i had had pens down there but i have this one. hold on. >> so these are the nerds? (cheers and applause)
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my people! >> jon: they notice the world of war kraft font like that's stunning to me. >> it was a really good font. >> jon: its's very well done. how will you doing? now when you say nerd, what would you consider nerdly pursuits, do you have nerdly pursuits? are you -- >> i'm a scrabble fiend. i'm social sighted to be here. >> jon: so am i. >> excited to be here. >> jon: i love it here. >> i can understand why, it is a pretty cool place. >> jon: we are two weeks off. i'm staying right here. >> i will hang out. bring a sleeping bag. >> jon: how much scrabble, on-line, scrabble versus the van el community on-line s it more of a board game family situation, talk to me. >> board game, family and friends. and then a lot of iphone passing. and then you know playing against my computer. >> jon: how has your computer been doing against
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you. >> my computer is a bastard. it's been kicking my ass lately so i had to put it on medium. >> jon: do you do the thing where i will hit my son taught me this. best word. >> uh-huh. >> jon: you can do best word like four times. >> uh-huh. >> jon: if you can save it up to the end, you will crush your computer. your computer has no chance. >> i always use it early. >> jon: that is what i would do. pie son said, he's 7. he said withhold gratification. (laughter) (applause) >> nice. >> jon: he said that's the key. >> your son would say that. like anybody who is a kid that smart t would be you. >> jon: can i tell you what is weird about it, when he said it he was floating above me in a jedi robe. (laughter) withhold gratification, you must. this film, you age, am i correct. >> yeah, the film takes place over the course of 20 years. >> jon: so what is the range that you go from? >> 23 to late 30s.
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>> jon: wow, that's really-- wow, late --. that must have been hard to figure out. >> ancient, man. i can't even imagine how awful it must-- oh. >> jon: did you have to wear prosthetics of any kind. >> they pulled my face down as far, that was just for 35. >> jon: it is funny though, 35, man. i think back to 35 and i was like i was unstoppable. what do they do, this is a love story amongst the ages? >> it takes place in britain? >> it does. it takes place in the u.k. and we go to france in the movie twice. >> jon: what is everything about the movie i just picked up about that clip. >> i will go with you. >> jon: you wear glasses and a hat in this movie. >> i do, ricks too. my character wears a lot of rings. it was a very, very, very tough shoot.
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>> jon: tell me about the name emo-- emma that they chose. >> she is a bookish character so i think it is off to jane austen, seminal classic. >> jon: that is seminal. i just like hearing you say seminal. >> you don't get that very often. >> what do you do, let me ask you this, with-- here's my problem. i'm always aiming for triple word and i find that it distracts me from what could be very fine words and plays because i'm looking for the big score. i'm always looking for that triple word score and it tends to distract my game. >> i once heard a wise 7-year-old say delay gratification. you knows what's good, i found you got to go for the mean little two words, high scoring 2 words on triple letters. >> jon: don't you think a lot are made up. >> they totally are rz xe. that is not a word. >> that is not. >> jon: but the computer thinks it is. >> you know what is a great word is xi and qi is a word.
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>> jon: if you play qi. >> okay-- . >> jon: hold on, one secretary, i'm going to beat up this entire audience and steal your lunch money. i will steal all of your lunch money. >> jon, jon. >> jon: gentlemen. >> i'm playing i will defend all of them. >> jon: no. >> damn you swrz so nice to see you again. there are a lot of people. we were talking about this, a lot of people get their success and don't seem to enjoy it and they don't see seem-- unburdenerned by like you just seem nice and fun and enjoying yourself and living life. nice to see. >> thank you, thank you very much. i am. >> jon: and unfortunately, it one day turns into this, but it's fun. one day is in the theatres on friday. anne hathaway.

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