tv The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Comedy Central January 5, 2012 1:00am-1:30am PST
) i can't live without you. if you let go, i let go. no. you have too much to live for. it may hurt for a while, but one day, you'll share your love again. after all... it's shareware. don't talk like that. tragic romances always have a happy ending. ( echoing ): farewell... noooo! she's gone. but she saved all our lives. without her, we're light enough to get away. ( crying ) don't cry, bender. nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. it's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. right, professor? oh, yes, absolutely. not a chance. ( making throat cutting and choking sounds )
at least i'll always have her bracelet. what do you think it's worth? it's fake, mon. ( bender screaming ) captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> january 4, 2012. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: hi, everybody. welcome to the show. what a wonderful display of enthusiasm. our guest tonight, author elizabeth dowling taylor. [cheering and applause]
nice. wow. such hard name to pronounce. obviously tonight we'll be dealing with iowa and our up-to-the-minute coverage of all the [bleeped] you already know. [laughter] look, i reason the first one to express how on serdly overcovered the iowa caucuses are. it's one poll widely unrepresentative of americans. that being said, watching iowans stuff hand-written ballots into repurposeed gift boxes as to neutralize any east coast big city elitist smear, i would like the drizzle all over it like raspberry balsamic vinaigrette. i want to [bleeped] on this, but it's kind of beautiful. the entire iowa process seems like an historical re-enactment abyet shocks you can its simplicity. you're flooded with a bygone
era. it's like walking into a house and they've got a fire going in this weird pit and they're like, what's that. and they're like, it's booed, but it's burning. the fireplace. but where are the gas jets or the remote. i really think the iowa caucuses are one of the few events in our civic life where it would be indestructive to allow it to play out in front of the cameras because it gives us a deeper understanding to our connection to our democracy. how do you think cnn will [bleeped] that up. >> check out these little guys. imagine they're iowa republicans showing up for caucuses. that's a representative of mitt romney. he's going to the front of the room to promote his candidate. the caucusgoers get a chance to vote. they can write it down op a piece of paper. >> they have a telephone. they can call and give the results of that caucus. >> jon: why! why? why! there are rooms in 9 9 counties
in iowa demonstrating the real thing and you have cameras, why this multicolored featureless dildo people? [laughter] for god's sake, this is why people... really not that fond of cnn at times. after six hours mostly unnecessary coverage, actual caucuses results trickled in. the two biggest winners, michele bachmann and rick perry, who continues to be one of my favorite candidates for his come prootly unjustified enthusiasm in the face of a fifth-place ass kicking. >> yeah. you bet. you kids are awesome. >> we love you, rick. >> all right. hey, brother. oh, man, thank you, man. you an ruth were awesome.
jon jon whooo. what's up, everybody. i spent a [bleeped] load of money in iowa, didn't get a whole lot of votes. what's up? i had a hell of a time. i think my campaign might be dead in the water, by our hotel in des moines was cool as [bleeped]. the food was great and the maid folded the ends of the toilet paper like a fan shape. i felt guilty wiping my hind quarters with it to be honest. this place puts the rad in "radisson." by the way, i got crushed. for michele bachmann, her sixth place finish was reflected in her somber confession, but as always, there was one silver lining. >> i must thank my wonderful husband of 33 years marcus bachmann. and yesterday when we were out on main street in des moines, he was buying doggie sunglasses for our dog boomer while we were out visiting all of the many businesses. [laughter]
[applause] >> jon: seriously. look at the face he's making. the only sound you can make when your mouth is shaped that way is "ho oh," which translates to "sorry i ruined your campaign because of my obsession with dog accessories. although nothing says sixth-lace finish like dog accessories. tell me you'd rather be president than look at that. you'd be lying. ron paul came in third. he seems less concerned about his bronze medal showing and is much happier they let him say stuff like this on television. >> beware the military industrial complex. time to get out of afghanistan. i'm waiting for the day when we
can say we're all austrians now. [laughter] >> jon: did an entire audience at an iowa hilton just cheer a reference to an austrian economist? we had to look up whatever the hell he was talking about. that's awesome. this crowd, they just know everything. it's like being at a jimmy buffett show where [bleeped] is going on and you're like, why is everybody wearing a parrot on your head. people are holding up lighters, play "abolish the fed." newt gingrich came in fourth. three weeks ago he was in the lead until an intense series of negative ads from the romney super pac pummeled him, but i'm sure he was gracious about it. >> i want the thank everybody who worked all fall, particularly during the avalanche of negative ads, all through being drowned in telling difficult, the latest 30-second distortion. the people who wanted to get america back on the right track. they weren't millionaires.
they weren't from wall street. they didn't have a super pac. the massachusetts moderate. i do reserve the right to tell the truth. on to new hampshire. [laughter] >> jon: that wasn't a concession speech. that was like a thinly veiled, passive agressive speech that a individual makes right before they slink away to a skull-shaped cave in a volcano and reemerge in five years as supervillain vonn gingrich, the dark lord of chaos whom is laughing now, romney? genetically supercharged newt. of course, romney could afford to be gracious. well, he can afford pretty much everything. how expensive can gracious be? but i imagine his eight-vote victory validates his strategy to say anything that will give him an eight-vote victory. the. i love our feesmedz i love our constitution. i love our land.
i love our people. i love the hymns of america. america the beautiful, oh beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain. and one more verse let me just quote. [laughter] >> jon: wow, i've never heard america the beautiful sound like something you were forced to memorize at exeter. even in victory mitt romney's ordinary guy persona feels like it came from a committed persona ordinary guy kit he got from hamaker schlemmer for $14 million. mr. santorum, the surprise cofirst place finisher, show romney how it's done. >> i weave foundationally that the essential issue in this race is freedom. my gann fare taught me basic things that my dad taught me. work hard. work hard and work hard. he left to the coal fields of southwest pennsylvania. he continued to work in those minds until he was 72 years old. digging coal.
those hands dug freedom for me. [laughter] >> jon: hey, romney, follow that, [bleeped] face that. is the stuff. oh, my god, i just realized something for mitt romney, rick santorum is the actual guy romney is pretending to be. kudos to santorum. he worked hard. we've had good fun here at the show with his last name and its place in google history, but no more. we're not doing it anymore. in honor of the well-fought iowa caucus, i'm now going to shred the hours and hours of high-quality, emmy eligible ass juice jokes that we had prepared for him. hold on. let me just... never going to do them again no matter how tempting it may be to use some of them. >> if you scroll down, you can
see all of the colors of the counties, the brown there is rick santorum. laughter and applause. >> jon: dog with sunglasses. dog with sunglasses. dog with sunglasses. for us the bit has rub its course. i vow to only ridicule rick santorum for his absurd and sometimes vile political and social views. you're welcome. >> jon: welcome back to the
show. so as you nay know, heading into last night's caucus, minnesota congresswoman michele bachmann was feeling a particular kind of special confidence. >> we're going to see a miracle happen on tuesday. i have absolutely no doubt. >> jon: and lo for many months did bachmann dwell amongst iowa's voters and came in sixth. okay. [laughter] out of six. [laughter] yet when she dropped out of the race this morning, bachmann made one thing still very clear. >>ly not be continuing in this race for the presidency.
my faith in the lord god almighty, this country and our republic is unshakable. >> jon: unshakeable. her faith in god. she was expecting a miracle, really didn't get it, and yet still has faith. perhaps she thinks god is setting her up here. maybe for one of those god moments like when abraham was about to stab isaac and god was like [bleeped]. [laughter] but the trouble, of course, was that the republican field bachmann was competing against not just for the fact they were republican voters but for the affection of god was equally tenacious in their pursuit of the big man. >> it is to the god of our fathers that we give praise this evening. >> our conviction that freedom is a gift of god. >> and with a little prayer and reflection, i'm going to decide the best path forward. >> for loving me, warts and all, i offer a public thanks to god.
[laughter] >> jon: god may love you, but i think he's just being polite about the warts quite frankly. for more on which candidate may receive the coveted god endorsement, we go out the wyatt cenac. wyatt, where are you? >> i'm in heaven, jon. >> jon: what? that looks like a vegas sports bog. >> god's got his hands in a lot of human pie, football, grammy, latin grammy, american music award, country music awards, asian country music awards. >> jon: god's just keeping an eye on sports and awards shows. >> that's why he's got picture in picture in picture forever. it's awesome. >> jon: that's what's confusing, wyatt. all the candidates seem the believe god has called them to this race, so why doesn't god just tell us who he supports. >> oh, sure, he could just send us a sign, maybe put newt gingrich's face on a potato or put newt gingrich's face on a marshmallow or put newt
gingrich's face in a bell of tartar sauce, really gingrich gingrich's face could appear on any starchy or globular foodstuff. chowder, oh, it could go in chowder. >> jon: yes, but why is god being coy here? why not just put out a yard sign in front of the pearly gate saying, i'm for santorum or i'm for gingrich and settle the whole damn thing once and for all in >> i don't know, why doesn't he settle judyism versus christianity versus islam? why create a low-lying, a pellow and then destroy it with a tsunami? the dude works in mysterious way. >> jon: he loves the game of it all. >> look at this place. he's got action on this all the way to the convention. >> jon: so god will actually be in tampa come august? >> have you been the tampa? that place is a [bleeped] hole. >> jon: but god did create it. >> serious waves, jon.
>> welcome back. my guest tonight, the former director of education at james madison's monopeelier and a fellow for the humanity, her new book is called "a slave in the white house: paul jensen and the madisons. please welcome elizabeth dowling taylor. thank you so much for being here. it's called "a slave in the white house." you know, it is so interesting to see a book like this. in our current sort of founding fathers fetish that we enjoy, their infallibility, their ultimate wisdom that we always look back to them, we forget that the individual credited with really the father of our constitution had 100 slaves.
>> well, you know, there were eight early presidents who owned slaves during their tenure in the white house. >> jon: why do you keep apologizing for america? it's shocking to me because the image we have... boy does dolly madison not come off well in this book. my image of her was always the courageous savior of the white house in 1812. then she went on to make those delicious cakes. [laughter] she was proud of herself for rescinding the offer of freedom to paul jenning. >> well, she accomplished much as first lady, but she was a slave owner. her husband bequeathed the 100 slaves to dolly. jennings had expected that he would be freed by madison's will. when that didn't happen, dolly had a term in her will that she would free paul, but instead she sold him, and this is after
madison died and while dali was back in washington, but paul's family, his wife and children, were owned by another master, so he was separated from them and he determined that he needed to raise his own purchase price. she set it at $200, and that's when he went to senator daniel webster, who loaned him the money. and then jennings worked for webster to pay it back. >> jon: that's why i'm saying we have to get back the our constitutional principles. [laughter] back to the founding fathers. can you imagine... i just... as you read these stories, you just imagine now in the current media environment, you know, madison going on one of these news shows and them reading them like you've written here, you know, the saddest slavery of all is being vicious free blacks who keep the minds of own centers a state of perpetual suspicion,
fear and anger and yet you also wrote the constitution is. that a flip-flop? >> that's an absolute flip-flop. he was a complicated man, and he knew himself that slavery was a blot on our republican character. >> jon: was he... you know, isn't "they were complicated men" an excuse for in that area of their lives, they were morally cowardly? >> well, you know, when i approach a book like this, my particular objective is neither to defend nor to denounce. i really want to tell paul jenning's story. >> jon: yeah, that's not going to fly in this environment. unfortunately i'm afraid you're going to have to be a little more partisan and pernicious in your writing. the amazing thing is the story jennings had to then go work. once he was ultimately freed and then webster died and forgave his debt, he then had to work to free his children from... and he
apparently had great affection for the madisons, but free his children from the family that the madisons had sold his children to. >> you know, his life was a courageous and deliberate and successful pursuit of the right to rise. so, yes, what he wanted is a reasonable facsimile of what we call the american dream. he bought a piece of land, had a modest house, managed to get his children from slavery in virginia, and they joined him in washington. and he had a low-level job working for the department of interior, but it took every bit of effort in the face of galling paternalism and constant discrimination to pull this off. >> jon: it's remarkable. the thing that nobody realizes, he wrote not necessarily a book, but he wrote of his time with the madisons. >> he's the author of the first white house memoir, and, as you know, it's derigger these days for anyone with white house experience to publish a memoir.
>> jon: right. and he published, but yet why have we never heard of it? >> there were limited number of copies produced. it's been obscure all this time. moreover, the title is "a colashed man's reminisces of james madison. so it's more about the great man. my starting question was what about paul jennings. >> jon: sure, sure, when we make his manuscript into a movie, that will be changed. something like "the help." i don't know. the story of jennings, you spoke with his actual relatives and were stunned at their recollections of it. it really was passed down to the family, the story of this man. >> it was so satisfying to track down and interview his great granddaughter. you know, he was born at the end of the 18th century. so in 2008, great granddaughter,
that's not many generations there. she was able to share with me the family traditions that go right back to jennings' time. for example, he used his literacy, it's unusual for a slave to be able to read and write, but jebings could, and he used it to forge passes and free papers for slaves. >> it really is one of those remarkable stories that you can't believe we don't know more about. it's a wonderful thing you've done in writing it and researching it. it's really terrific. a slave in the white house. get it. the movie all r obviously with paul gee moti as madison and... >> and who has jennings? >> cuba gooding, jr., oddly enough, surprisingly enough. it's on the bookshelves now. please get it. elizabeth dowling taylor, thank you so much.
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