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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  July 20, 2012 9:30am-10:00am PDT

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- billy! - suit, what's the word? - got great news. before they finalize vince's deal, james cameron wants to screen a cut of queens boulevard. - you serious? - james cameron is gonna see your movie. - that's unbelievable. he's coming to sundance? - no, we're gonna send a print to his house. - hey, neighbor. hi, billy. we have to make this quick. i have a 9:00. - billy, look, this is important, man. look, suit, nobody sees my film till sundance. james cameron wants to see it, tell him he can stand in line in the snow like everybody else. now if you'll excuse me. i only have an hour to take care of some business. shall we? - billy, listen. - i think i made myself clear. can i have a shot of jack? - ♪ yeah, into the future ♪ cut it all loose now ♪ instead you hold a steady line ♪ ♪ it's not the answer ♪
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♪ will you take a chance on ♪ ♪ what we all should be doin' here? ♪ ♪ so many to lean on ♪ isn't my own reason ♪ ♪ to why you hold the steady line. ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) >> jon: lad eyes and gentlemen, welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. we have a very nice show, tonight's guest ej dionne, his new book our divided political heart, the followup to his previous best-seller, our swollen
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political prostate. (laughter) i'm sitting on it right now. if you saw the show yesterday you know we talked about a scandal that had something to do with libor, the word doesn't really shed any light on that, does it. but it's the all-important interbank lending rate which, funny story, turned out major financial institutions have been colluding to rig. it's really quite-- it was a fascinating object lesson in financial-- (laughter) oh, if only there were a new preferably simpler banking scandal towards which to turn our ire. >> a money laundering scandal involving one of the world's largest banks, hsbc. >> jon: wow! money laundering!, now there's a bank scandal everybody can understand.
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except a media badelia, oh, amelia, that's not money laundering. you-- (laughter) but my point is this, while there are some very difficult to understand complex banking scandals, there are also some good old-fashioned visceral straight up malfeasance type bank scandals. your money laundering. so let's guess this is some type of hsbc aided tax avoidance money laundering thing for fat k59s. >> among those who have made it their bank of choice are the ruthless leaders of mexican drug cartels, expected al qaeda moneymen and the iranian government trying to get around u.s. embargos. (laughter) >> jon: hsbc is laundering money for terrorists and drug cartels, i guess that explains their slogan, hsbc, helping people without want to kill you since 1991. (laughter) or hsbc, the hood money, you
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had ma me at money. or hsbc, the s stands for-- (laughter) got a lot of those. anyway i give you the senate testimony of the head of hsbc david bagley, this should be good. >> i have said before and i will say again, despite the best efforts and intentions of many dedicated professionals, hsbc has fallen short of our own expectations and the expectations of our regulators. >> jon: really, fallen short? fallen short of the expectations of regulators. that's something you say when you were supposed to submit a form by the 12th and didn't get it in until the 15th. (laughter) the expectation you fell short of is the one that the bank my son's lemonade stand passport account money in is also helping out al qaeda by shoulder-- buy shoulder mounted stinger missiles. that is today's global update. let's turn to happier news.
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remember congressman anthony weiner f not-- let me refresh your memory. this is his [bleep]. (laughter) that's his [bleep], yup. my apologies if you have one of those hd 3-dtvs at home. probably just knocked a lamp all your table. (laughter) anyway it's been around a year since that scandal broke and he and his wife huma abedin just posed for a lovely story for "new york" magazine how about they moved on with their lives. good for them. especially her. what a terrible, tough year for both of them. now things are much better. they have this beautiful baby,. >> representative michele bachmann and four of her republican colleagues in congress are calling for an investigation. they point fingers at this woman, huma abedin, secretary of state hillary clinton's deputy chief of staff implying that she may be somehow working on behalf of the muslim brotherhood.
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(laughter) >> jon: oh my god. it's the perfect cover. an american hating muslim extremists gets a high profile stringent background check job with the former first ladies, marries a pro israeli jewish guy, and begins producing muslim zyonist terror baby armies. (laughter) has 9/11 taught us nothing, people. all right, slow down, stewart, don't panic this is bachmann we are talk bping. i know it has been thought out very reasonably. let's hear her evidence. >> let's start with abedin's father, a professor of social science and founder of the institute of muslim minority affairs in saudi arabia decades ago. professor abedin's institute had the support of another man named dr. umar abdalla nasif a former general secretary of another group called the muslim world league. bachmann says that according to the pew forum the muslim
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world league has a history of, quote, being closely aligned and partnering with the muslim brotherhood. >> jon: that is [bleep] airtight. (laughter) we've got to throw this one up on the board. all right. so her dad who has now unfortunately passed away a long time ago knew a guy longer time ago who used to know another guy who might have had something to do with the muslim brotherhood. it's like 6 degrees of people who don't eat bacon. let's see michele bachmann explain this theory to cnn's donna bash. >> hey, congresswoman, how are you. >> sorry, i can't right now. >> i just need to ask you, senator mccain was on the senate floor and he said what you are doing, going after humana -- -- huma. >> i can't do it right now. >> request you go an interview late-- interview later. >> yes, i can. >> jon: i can't go right now, i got to, just up or down, i don't know, it's just the stairs and then i-- just bye. that bachmann can move. (laughter)
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i think she's like that bus in the movie speed. if she slows down too much her mouth explodes with stupidity. (laughter) seriously f you want to be that circuitous you can probably connect almost anyone to islamic terrorist even michele bachmann. the name bachmann is also the name of a company that makes pretzels. the very snack complicit in the failed 2002 assassination attempt on george w. bush when he choked on a bachmann pretzel. if the assassination had succeeded it would have prevented bush from invading iraq and killed saddam hussein. -- this is really hard. all right, let's try and do this in a simpler way. earlier in the program we learned the bank hsbc works with al qaeda.
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if there was some way, islamic ter wist-- terrorist money directly to michele back pan let's say through a 2008 campaign donation. let's look at the chart again. (laughter) (applause) i don't know, man. let's try it again. here's huma abedin's islamic terror connection, let's take a look. here's michele bachmann. hmmmm. maybe there should be an investigation. not to mention one more piece of unsettling evidence, michele bachmann is married to marcus bachmann who i think we all know is hiding something. (laughter) that his name is an anagram of arab's mann muncch. we'll be right back.
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>> jon: welcome back. presidential candidate mitt romney continues to refuse to release his tax returns from any year prior to the years he was running for, i don't know, the presidency. (laughter) because as his wife ann romney explained today y don't you all shut up. >> we've given all you people need to know and understand about our financial situation and about how we live our life. >> jon: you know enough! you have learned that we, the romneys, live in the gray knelter-- netherworld betwixt what is legal and what is moral. where desire meets power and one fight get its drunk, sleeps and has a baby named privileged t moneybucks. but as you may remember yesterday i revealed that we here at the daily show have
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come into possession of the secret tax returns in a segment we call-- how did we do it! (cheers and applause) how did we do it? how did we get access to all of his tax returns. we made it up. (laughter) suck on that, will mcevoy. let's get to it. yesterday in our forums we learned some of the way its romney spends his money are somewhat excessive. but nobody cares that he's rich. they care about the institutional advantage that he has gotten through tax code largesse. see, he's been dogged by allegation these hides his money in tax-free offshore accounts in places like the caymans, switzerland and
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that island from "lost" (laughter) problem there is it takes six years to make a withdrawal and even when you get your money back you look at it and it doesn't make any sense. you still can't figure it out. but understand this. mr. romney hides his money not because he doesn't love america, but because he loves us so much. he knows what money does to people. (laughter) he doesn't want to see money corrupt him. of course mitt romney could only keep some of money offshore which is why we found in these forms mitt romney has been a pioneer in a new system of tax avoidance n 2006 he put $12 million into hover money. it's one of those game show style cash blowing machines insurancing that his money never touches american soil long enough to be taxable. (laughter) a vast improvement over his first idea-- (applause)
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a vast improvement over the first idea reincomed in his 2005 returns, hiring millions of money jugglers. this is all in addition to romney's on-shore off-shore accounts. according to his 2002 he return he didn't just send money to switzerland, he purchased a town in america for an internal bank, populated it with swiss people and stuffed money up their asseses, because the insides of swiss people also technically swiss soil and immune to american tax law. by the way f that's not uncomfortable enough, inside each one of those people is also a tooth pick, tweezers and a cork screw. because-- they're swiss and are multifunctional. you are probably asking, what happens if he needs his money right away. it's in swiss people's colons and they are notoriously constipated people. (laughter)
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-- mucili you say, no t will take too long. mitt romney plays a game he calls swiss pinata and he doesn't even wear a blindfold where is the fun if that, i'm saying when mitt romney needs money quickly he beats a swiss person until they break open. at least according to the tax papers we have. i'm sure if there is anything else we need understand about the financial situation, they'll let us know. well's be right back.
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(cheers and applause) welcome back, my guest tonight a columnist for "the washington post" also an author, his latest book our divided political heart, the battle for the american idea
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in an age of discontent, please welcome to the program ej dionne. (cheers and applause) hello, sir. >> nice to see you. how are you? >> i'm good. happy to be here. >> jon: nice to see you. the book is our divided political heart. you, you talk about consensus in the book, that we as a country used to have kind of a, you call it a-- about who we were but that is gone. >> yeah, what i mean by our divided political heart is that i think from the beginning americans have been torn by detention from our 4r06 of individualism and liberty which is part of us and our love of community and our affection for community. we are steinbeck and jack kerouac, we're this land is your land and my way. and this tension is something that if we keep things balance right we have done well as a country, we do well as a country. and i think our friends in
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the tea party look back to an exceptional period in our history, a period of radical individualism, the gilded age right after the civil war. and i think the progressives and populists came and idealists came along saying we're not about radical individualism, we're about this balance. and our government has been run under that kind of balance more or less for more than 100 yearsment and i think it is under an attack now like it's never been under attack now. >> jon: so even before that, you talk about hamilton and jefferson, certainly at least economically, you know, populism versus the central bank, the types of things centralized control versus-- the states. >> right, exactly. the beginning of the republic we have been arguing about what our constitution says from the very beginning so that three years after the constitution's adopted, madison and hamilton are arguing about whether the national banks that hamilton wants to create is unconstitutional. i see original guys who are the original documents are
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going about the original documents meaning what are we supposed to make of originalism as a concept. >> jon: i think the idea is the hope was scalia could build a time machine and go back in time and explain to them what they meant. >> okay. i quote a legal scholar in the book without said that justice scalia opposed to originalism is i knew the founders. the founders were friends of mine. i know how they think. >> jon: right. do you feel like, so you feel that the tension no longer exists for that-- is this purely about one political movement that you feel has skewed the argument? >> primarily tlarx is what i argue. i argue that conservatism historically has had a really strong communitarian element in it. bill buckley, somebody i admire even though i disagree with him, one of the last books he wrote in his life was a book called gratitude where he argued that we all owe something
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back to the country that nurtured us and gave us these opportunitiesment buckley ran in the republican primary in the basis of-- we lose the election. i think conservatives have given up this side and they have got to find it back. they have to find it. >> jon: i would imagine a tea party version would say no, we believe very much in community through churches and civic organizations, just not government, the idea is somehow we the people has become a more alien concept to them. >> right, you're exactly quite right that is what they say. the book i know say i'm sure there are lots of tea party people who belong to rotary clubs and ptas and do all kinds of good community stuff but what they have adopted as a kind of individualism it says we're kind of on our own. some of their own behavior is at odds with ideology. and i also argue that government itself shouldn't be viewed as some alien creature it shouldn't be viewed as being apart from
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community. first word in our constitution is the word "we" as in we the people of the united states and lists all these things that it is for including protect-- promote the general welfare, the welfare is in the first line of the constitution. >> they were very wise. >> jon: they felt that was -- >> yeah, right. >> jon: you know, it strikes me as very interesting, mitt romney came out today and he said i will not cut the defense budget. and i find it interesting that in a time of the government is bloat, they spend too much, they try and do too much, why has the military and defense in this idea of community versus individualism, why is a military not on the block for that political movement? >> actually, that political movement is in fairness to them is divided on it. ron paul would cut the military as much as he would cut medicare. but i think that you know they are not fully consistent in their view of
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what they're against in government. and there are a lot of interests involved. and so what i can't understand is that the military itself is in some ways one of the most socialist institutions in our country. >> jon: the most socialist. >> some good ways too, if you look at the lives of our soldiers and the benefits they get, which i'm serve because they are serving the country. >> jon: education, health care, all kinds of things. they live in barracks and all wear the same uniform. >> i have a conservative friend in the military and we love talking 308 particulars and he's honest enough to say, he begins arguments by saying i grew up in a socialist institution, i loved it. now let's go on to the argument. and so it is a very strange inconsistency that they've got. >> jon: do you think if the idea that the founding fathers would be horrified at the sense of the power of this government, is the idea that they would like to take it into this gilded age,
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that these government counterveiling programs that they put into place were done to garner power or were done based on conditions at the time that demanded intervention. >> well, if you go back to the founders, they did a lot more intervention than the conventional story accounts for. 9 health-care program in america, i write about in the book was the federal marine hospital system which is basically socialized medicine for semen. they must have had a very powerful-- (laughter) >> jon: i don't know who came up with that one. it's got to be ben franklin because that guy was out there. >> you know, but it was signed by a good conservatives called john adams and there were no mass demonstrations about adam's care back there 1798 back as far as i can tell. >> jon: the tea party itself was a somewhat of an occupy wall street movement. it was a bunch of radical
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was took over government property and threw a bunch of crap into the water. >> right. >> jon: so in essence you're named after this new movement that you abhor but dow have five minutes, where are you going to go, it's new york, right. our divided political heart, on the book shelves now. ej dion, we're just going to talk a little bit more on
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