>> yeah. >> let's go, charlie. >> yeah. >> schmitty just... >> swooped in and grabbed the most disgusting girl here. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: hey, welcome to the daily show. boom! my name is jon stewart. we got one for you tonight. rashida jones is going to be joining us. (cheers and applause) you think i'm lying. i'm not lying. folks continuation has begun. the first triple x olympics. (cheers and applause)

>> jon: i'm being told that's the 30th olympics. (laughter) you sure it's not triple x. have you seen the beach volleyball? you have seen it? someone has sand in their butt. (laughter) you remember the beijing opening ceremonies, where a tribute to what monolithic state control can accomplish. like the summoning of a thousand, 100,000 drummers to beat out, we will defeat new synchronized morse code. well, the london olympics seize your autocratic perfection and raises you the power of freedom. from giant ghost babies to a tribute to the flying bicycle, from kenneth branagh's smug approval to mr. bean's devastatingly entertaining total incompetence. oh, bean, you should be fired. the u.k. painted with all of

freedom's colors including the queen of danger, double o, oh no you-- geronimoooooooo base hilarious is the head who wears the crown. it was an incredible, cheeky at times, poignant spectacle. (laughter) very moving. except, of course, for the american audience. >> nbc editing out of the opening ceremoniesing a tribute, a dance tribute to the victims of the 77 london subway bombings and instead ran a ryan seecrest interview with swimmer michael phelps. >> jon: and when will the honor the victims of that? (laughter) are you-- kidding? >> nbc, the network that so

commemorate 9/11 actually re100-- reruns 9/11, you wouldn't air a six minute tribute to the rest of the world terrorist victims. because the world's most overexposed land base mammal had a chance to speak to the world's most overexposed water based mammal. why would you do that? >> nbc sports issued this statement saying our program is tailored for the u.s. television audience. >> jon: you're nbc. you don't know how to tailor television for an american audience. nbc slam! slam! (laughter) randomly [bleep] three shows. take that, those shows. seriously, man f everything in the olympics had to be an american audience why not gual the way. instead of a parade of nations, 99% of which aren't american, don't bother

showing us all 200 countries. just give us, i don't know, the all lebron parade! (laughter) instead of just double o 7 picking up the queen y not have rambo storm the place and pick up some american royalty. that's what i'm talking about. seriously. sometimes we can be so arrogant. not understanding how we might appear to an global audience. speaking of which before the games open mitt romney headed to london for his first overseas trip as the presumptive republican nominee. romney's mr. olympics, having saved the salt lake city games in 2002. england is our closest ally. what kpobly go wrong. >> in the short time you've been here in london, do they look ready to your experienced eye? >> you know, it's hard to know just how well it will turn out there are a few things that were disconcerting. >> jon: (laughter)

what are you doing? this is no time to display your sophisticated knowledge of the inner workings of the preparation. you are a guest at a dinner party that already started 5 mines ago. nod your [bleep] and say it is delicious that is all you have to do. it is soz. william, wloop another one up there for me. >> in the short time you have been here in london do they look ready to your experienced eye? >> yes. >> jon: okay, that's it. done. yes. (cheers and applause) >> jon: no harm, no foul. it's not like-- (laughter) like i'm acting like these pages have anything to do with what i'm saying. they don't. playing hangman. sound like the british are going to be angry. you know the british are not the type of people who take sport very seriously. here they are celebrating their favorite soccer team's victory.

so we're cool, right. >> today's headlines in london really raked romney over the coals. >> dubbed the party pooper in the daily mail, nowhereman and the times of london. >> also romney's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day in london. >> this is the headline in the sun, the tabloid t reeds mitt the twit. >> jon: here's one from the london ass wipe. american idiot. the daily-- says moron. the chimney sweep times pick union says with frends like ese oo, needs enemas is. not sure that makes sense and from london's famed what's all this gazette, oh, all right, a little on the nosement for god's sakes, romney, how do you screw this up. how do you screw this up. (applause) how do you screw up a trip to england.

all you got to do when you go there, look to your right when are you crossing the street and keep your naked balls out of people's tea it is to the like you are in papua new guinea where they explain when you shake that guy's hand t means you want to [bleep] that guy's wichlt don't do that you have britain's prime minister to insult euro limb pick experience back. >> we are holding an olympic games in one of the busiest, most active, bustling cities anywhere in the world. of course it's easier if you hold the olympic games in the middle of nowhere. (cheers and applause) >> jon: no, no, no you did not. the middle of-- no, no, you know what. when it am coulds to foreigners attacking the states there is no utah. there is only we-tah. don't worry romney i got utah's back. put me on the utah cam. what's up? what's up, britain. what's up britain.

sorry i didn't get back to insulting you earlier we were too busy taking salt out of our huge lake so that our food doesn't taste like [bleep]. actually that was kind of harsh. you know what, david cameron i got your back too, britain cam. i'm not-- wait. (laughter) britain cam. (cheers and applause) utah, i'm not saying you're boring, utah but the only reason you exist is to keep nevada from giving colorado herpes. >> what, what 1234 i'm sorry i can't hear you over the sound of your empire crumbling. i know yu don't have coffee, this is a state you don't want to be awake in. you will spend an eternity in hell, worshipping a false god! well that just got weird. (laughter)

leviosa

(cheers and applause) >> jon: if you eat at a

chick-fil-a you might have noticed a recent adjustment to its menu. >> at chick-fil-a the menu offers up sandwiches, nuggets and strips but to critics these days it also includes a side order of bigot ree. >> jon: and a dipping sauce of intolerance a long with a hatred fribble. >> the chain has become a lightning rod for controversy after its president dan made it clear he believes marriage should only be between a man and a woman. >> i think we're inviting god's judgement on our nation when we shake our fist at him and say, you know, we know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage. >> jon: really, that invites god's-- really? so the country has made it through an indian genocide, slavery, segregation and nine police academy movies, somehow escaping god's judgementment i don't think letting gays register at bed, bath & beyond is going to tip the scales. all right so, chick-fil-a, c.e.o.s a douche bag. a lot of c.e.o.s are bush

bag. >> since then the backlash is fierce. with cities con deming the remarks and rethinking future business relationships with chick-fil-a. >> chick-fil-a values are not chicago values. >> jon: we are chicago, a city built on gambling, corruption, murder and ballot stuffing. not intolerance. by the way, for all you cities out there who believe you can pass a zoning ordinance against how many o phobic sandwiches-- homophobic sandwiches. >> supporting the restaurant chain is former presidential candidate rick santorum and fellow republican mike huckabee who is calling for a chick-fil-a appreciates day next week. >> jon: yeah. yeah. that's what they're doing. here my reenactment of mike huckabee suggesting to to rick santorum. hey, rick, gets's go and buy as many chicken sandwiches. >> to support their stand on traician dal marriage. >> yeah.

that's what i was talking about. for more on whether it's a good idea for municipalities to enforce political viewpoints on the restaurateurs we turn to wyatt sen ang and jessica williams. nice to see you guys. dhoers plaus-- (cheers and applause) >> jessica i'm sorry i see you are eating a chick-fil-a sandwich at this moment t is really weird. >> what, why? >> jon, being conservative or liberal doesn't stop at the polls. it also extends to the companies support. which is why as someone in favor of gay marriage coy never eat at a chick-fil-a. >> really, because traditional marriages pretty delicious. they put a-- in this. >> oh, stop. >> what, no, no, jon, control yourself, yes that sandwich is delicious but liberals buy liberal products. >> jon: what, like a vegan fair trade soy bath crystal. for god's sakes.

>> joke all you want but everyone knows the soy bath crystal industry is bankrolls by the coke brothers. now look, i'll just look up a list of liberal products for you. >> is that an iphone. oh my god i've always wanted one but apple supports gay marriage, so instead i got to use this. that's right. dole makes good christian conservative pineapples and phones. >> jon: you clearly want to eat this chick-fil-a sandwich, it's delicious. >> but i can't because they're bad. >> jon: you use an iphone and you know iphones and apple they have some, you know, let's call them labor issues. >> what? use slaves? talk to me, don't clam up on me now, woman. >> jon: and chet chick-fil-a isn't all profit and anti-gay marriage they close on sundays and pay for their workers to go to college. >> socialism. >> jon: yes. >> excuse me while i redistribute this sandwich.

aetses not coming up. it's not coming up. >> wait. >> oh, jon, how are we supposed to live our values. >> jon: i don't know. why don't you do some kind of carbon offset thingy that way you still get to do whatever you want and feel good about how are you -- >> right so, i can eat this anti-gay sandwich but i will do it while following it with this chubby hubby from ben & jerry's. >> jon: that's right. >> yeah, that's how do you it. >> and you know what, i'm going to buy this iphone and download only ted nudge ent songs. >> jon: great. and for me i'll keep driving my diesel car while running my white slavery sweatshops. >> sounds good. >> jon: thanks, guys, wyatt and jessica williams, everybody. wewe

(cheers and applause) >> jon: our guest tonight very fine actress, seen on nbc's parks and recreation. great show, new film called celeste and jesse forever. >> we are separated and we're friends. you guys should be happy. we fight all the time. we don't any more. >> you should be thrilled. you don't have to choose sides, it's the perfect

breakup. everyone is cole. >> everyone is not cool. >> not cool. >> nobody is cool here. >> i'm sorry. i can't do this any more. >> sorry. >> baby. >> so angry. >> you beer angry. >> yeah. >> too weird. >> rashida jones! (cheers and applause) >> jon: did you have an accident. >> i stood up, i'm like oh my god. >> nice to see you. >> nice to see you too. >> you have it is such a beautiful and unusual name, jones. >> weirdly it's welsh. >> is it. >> for a long time i thought because my father is an african-american that it was maybe a slave name that

happened sometimes, you know, but it's welsh. we're welsh. >> i spotted the welsh in you from-- look how excited you are to be welsh. >> i know. >> these are like euro limb picks going on right now. >> you wrote this, cowrote this. >> i did. not only your writing partner, the gentleman of which this is based somewhat of a best friend going out thing. >> ish, yeah, we dated for a small amount of time, 13 years ago. >> oh, so it was, how long did you date for? >> it was in the 09s and it was like three weeks. >> jon: you make sound like a rave that got out of control. it was like in the 90s. >> you could lose three weeks in the 90s. >> jon: you really could. so you and this gentleman will, were you friends prior to the dating. >> no, we were set up. we dated. we were kind of in love with each other for three weeks. >> jon: really. >> yeah. we were drunk the whole time. >> jon: sure. >> and then we figured it out sooner than later that

friendship was better. >> jon: when did the fizzle on a three week run? >> day 17? when did the-- when did the sobering up when you went -- >> i think the fizzle was probably timed differently for the both of us which is part of the problem. >> jon: interesting. >> i was superinto it and he wasn't over his exbe girlfriend why are we talking about this right now. >> jon: because now that opera is off of television someone has to fill the gap. >> you're right. you are doing a great job. >> jon: i need to do a service. hey girl, let me tell you something, girl. girl, you just need to future out there in the universe. >> you are right. >> jon: you know why, because like the green lantern, if you think it you can build it with like a ring and -- >> you just got supermail on it. >> jon: i just went comic book because i didn't know what else to do. >> do you find for yourself now, is this the first time that you have written something that you are acting, you know, where you are writing for your voice

in particular. >> yes. >> jon: do you find it to be an easier task. >> yes, you should know. >> jon: i don't, because i can't act. >> you act a little bit, don't you. didn't you act a little bit. >> jon: i think a little bit would be the sum of my career, yes. but it's not acting. it's like i could be 10% angrier than normal, right. like you are supposed to be angry and i'm like okay-- that still sucked. >> it is easier, yes, it's easier for sure. and we wrote to our strengths because both will and i are in the movie. and i wrote to the strength of my flaws. so i am kind of not that likable in the movie. >> stephen: . >> jon: stop it. you cannot not be likable go that say double negative that worked out directly for me. >> thank you? >> jon: which i think it did. >> okay, goode. >> jon: and to have to divorce andy samburg which is like divorcing a puppie. >> i know. >> jon: like the sweetest, the nicest. >> it's really terrible it made it easy to play. >> jon: have you ever broken

up with a guy that your friends are like no, we refuse to allow the breakup. too nice, or too-- we love him too much. >> yes, for sure. >> jon: okay, who was that. >> oh there is a whole list of them. are you ready. >> jon: sure-- no. >> will actually is one of those people. my art friend is like you guys are going to end up together, all the time. and we're not. >> jon: well, did you as writing partners which is in some ways. >> better. >> jon: a more fruitful relationship than really -- >> anything, less divorce. >> jon: i can tell you something, true, and the children that you raise from this film, and there will be some. >> in what form, we're talking metaphorically, right. >> jon: no. >> oh, okay. >> jon: i mean we are talking metaphorically now. are you still writing stuff. >> yeah. >> jon: what is the next -- >> i wrote a comic book. a cowrote a comic book and we are adapting it to be a movie. >> jon: like a supergirl. >> sort sort of she is a socialite. >> jon: i'm sorry, she used to be that.

she wrote a comic book, like a jewish guy that is like freezey breath. >> he becomes a spy, for the cia so kind of-- yeah, thanks, frienemy of the state it's called. >> jon: superpowers. >> no, just supernaturally smart for a socialite, that's a superpower, right. >> jon: that is kind of a superpower. and can you be in this one as well. >> no, less's so young. she's so young. she's like 20. >> jon: you're the writer. >> no, she's 30. >> i don't want to be in the movie. i don't want to be. >> jon: you're the writer. >> no. you could be in it. you could give your 10% anger jses you know, i -- they call me box office poison. that is going to be the name of my superhero. >> that's a great superhero. just come in and poison movies. >> jon: i have a superpoer with. i can take your movie and turn it to [bleep] (laughter) celeste and jesse foreover.

the great rashida jones! (cheers and applause)