tv The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Comedy Central September 6, 2013 9:00am-9:31am PDT
>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. a good one for you tonight, my guest michael c. hall, handsome and scary at the same time. that's not easy to pull off. the mayorral race, our new segment indecision 2013. (laughter) the question on everyone's mind who will fill mayor
michael bloomberg's shoes, tiny, tiny shoes. (laughter) he's very small. you i have a pair of his shoes right here. i took them from his arm other, i have his az rmoire as well. there we are, there are his little shoes. i'm michael bloomberg. i'm going to work. (cheers and applause) >> jon: actually, very interesting. he puts these on every morning and commutes to work on the subway. rat, he rides a rat because he's tiny. it's funny story, we're actually-- (laughter) but i'm actually obviously i can't take the subway i'm too famous. i fly a pigeon to work. (laughter) but mr. bloomberg's third term ends this year.
so he is done unless he manages to pull a putin which-- no, not that, not riding around with his nippular's showing. i mean just hanging around not leaving. who shall take mayor bloomberg's case. >> democrats gather tuesday for the final debate and faced a tough line of questioning. >> when did all of you last take the subway. >> give us a recent example of your own personal struggle to get by. >> should bicyclists have to pass a test and have a licence. >> do you compost? (laughter) >> okay, two things. one, compost? what do you think, these guys are running for mayor of burning man? what do you mean, compost? (laughter) >> what's on your ipod? and i guess the second question would be this, how large is bill de blasio. did that guy fall right off a bean stock? i mean seriously.
if de blasio wins there will be the greatest incumbent successor inaugural size discrepancy in the history of swearing in ceremonies. i mean, look-- (laughter) i got to ask you this. how does a guy de blasio's size get to work. i mean he is-- oh, really, oh. (laughter) i guess the rats can do get quite large, so-- well, these debates aren't just about issues. they are about letting your personality shine through. >> do you have a housekeeper, mr. de blasio. >> sometimes, from time to time. >> ms. quinn. >> once a week, yes. >> once a week and then i clean up after her when she's done. (laughter) >> jon: there's that charm that borders on the edge of dickishness. (laughter) anthony weiner, former congressman, turned amateur photographer--
(laughter) he's really about 10% man and 90% gristle at this point. [bleep] the mayorral campaign was designed as a humble bid for new york voters redemption and forgiveness but now it is somewhat noticeably curved a bit to the right a way from that premise. >> really? is it ambition, a hunger for the big job, the power? >> hard to take you seriously, a hunger for the big job. i have a feeling i stepped into a monty python bid. >> the parade gets under way. >> vote, vote, vote, vote! if i if i am from jamaica? >> jon: call me banaa, am i right, huh? cool runnings. ah, seriously, you people sound ridiculous, vote for
me! for more of anthony weiner's alienation of voters we're joined by jessica williams in harlem. any sign of anthony weiner campaigning up there? (cheers and applause) >> he was just here, jon. he flew through like an [bleep] tornado. and i can't quite describe what i just saw so i took a picture on my phone. (laughter) jon, i guess he's trying to appeal to the black vote but we haven't dressed like that since, um, never. (laughter) we are never dressed like that in the history of time. unless we're the harlem globetrotters and we're visiting scooby doo in a very special episode. and i don't even know what that thing next to him is. but i have a theory that it's some sort of found briefcase. >> jon: good to know. i have seen those at a boom box. >> that sounds dangerous. >> jon: well, it's a little bit. >> jon, jon. >> jon: i'm sorry, aasif
mandvi. >> yeah, i am-- cheefers plaus. >> i'm here in murray hill. >> jon: yeah. >> where anthony weiner has just completely lost the indian vote. >> jon: what did he do? >> well, things were going great. he was having dinner with a few indian constituents and out of nowhere he dips his samosa in his mango nut paste! laugh 4r56 (laughter) >> jon: what was he supposed to do with it. >> drink it! >> jon: what is the green stuff. >> that's for the samosa. >> jon: okay, i'm sorry! what are you supposed to do with the pinkish onion looking thing. >> you don't touch those, nobody knows what those are for. >> jon: all right, i didn't realize. >> jon ooz al madrigal, i assume anthony weiner has done something to piss off the latino community what is that, the carlos dangere thing. >> . >> jon: what the hell is that? >> that's the danger zong?
inn spanish. we're actually flaerted by the whole carlos dangere thing. he could have picked seamus mcdanger of five fyvesh mcdanger but he chose us, i think i'm voting for him. >> i'm sorry, hold on a second. >> i can't believe-- . >> jon: what did he do, what is it. >> i just got a mass text from the weiner campaign, he's trying to get the latinos to the polls. but look at this picture. >> jon: i don't-- oh, wow. (laughter) some sort of weird speedy gonzalez dick pic? >> yes, we do not put sombreroes on our penises. >> although it would help protect it from the sun. >> jon: thank you, al mad ri gas-- madrigal, aasif mandvi and jessica williams. to you look, weiner has
alienated -- -- i thought for a second when he says he dips his samosa in a mango latte i thought it was also a euphemism but i guess wasn't. he is alienated votings but not his base, it's not like he is going in a bakery and yelling at a guy in a yalmke on a kosher holiday. >> what have i told that you are you my judge. >> you're fine. >> you talk to god and work out your problems but stay out of the public eyewitnesses that is why they have elections. >> and you're perfect, you're going to judge me. >> i'm not running for office. >> you know who judges me? you know who judges me? (laughter) >> jon: the voters of new york city? everything that weiner does just looks bad now. there's no reason for it (applause) i mean for god's sakes what are you yelling at this guy for. it's not like he insulted his wife, oh, reallying roll that tape. >> embattled new york mayorral candidate anthony
weiner in an epic war of words at this brooklyn bakery after he paid for some traditional rosh hashanah baked goods. >> really scum bag. >> very nice. >> weiner begins to leave the bakery but then, listen closely. >> this man saul kessler makes a racial slur about weiner's wife puma abadine. >> jon: ah. well then [bleep] that guy. i didn't know that. (cheers and applause) of course, it does raise an interesting possibility. what if everything anthony weiner has done makes sense if you look at it a larger context. what if there is one piece of information that makes each incident okay. like what if at that west indian phrase he didn't realize his microphone had been set to jamaican ago sent auto tune. now you may say all right, fine what about that text messagement he sent to his fwhichb lady where he said he wanted to quote-- [bleep]
(laughter) maybe she had something on her face and he tried to get her attention by going like, you know-- (laughter) but she wasn't, you know, and then he thought oh, i know what could get that off. (laughter) an maybe instead of sending a picture he pent to send a picture of-- but his camera phone auto corrected. nah, he's just a guy with self-control issues never should have run for mayor. we'll be right back.
>> jon: welcome back to the show. so it seems like we're probably going to be creating some brand-new vaet rans in syria, perhaps it is a good time to check in with the ones we've got back home. a new edition of red tape diaries, as you know the va has had a problem with backlogs in claims, kind of like a hoarde has a little problem with pizza boxes filled with cat skeleton. but there's good news! >> finally the backlog is shrink. in the last five month as loan it's down nearly 20%. we're making progress. >> jon: okay. down 20%, that's not nothing. that's progress. backlog used to be like this, here, there, now it's like this. (laughter) but maybe cutting into the backlog isn't such great news. >> it turns out the va benefits aren't always so
beneficial. >> back in january we told you that veterans in a hospital in pittsburgh knew for more than a year that it had an outbreak of ledge on ayres disease. the hospital flew it had an outbreak of legionnaires disease but the hospital kept it secret until five patients died and 21 others became ill. >> jon: hence the pittsburgh va hospital slogan i promise you won't die from the disease you came in with. (laughter) yes, killing off soldiers who manage to survive hitler then covering it up, kind of sounds like a firing offense. [bleep]. >> records show hospital director terry garrett wolf got a 13,000 dollar bonus the year that pittsburgh va failed to prevent then mismanaged the legionnaires outbreak. >> jon: okay. no, their defense we don't know how much they were going to give her before they found out. here's your bonus, $15,000-- wait a minute
that's going to cost you. so i guess the lesson to disabled veterans is stay out of pittsburgh. maybe you can hitchhike to any other va hospital like buffalo just a few hours away. >> the buffalo va exposed more than 700 patients to hepatitis over a two year period by reusing insurance len pens. during that time upstate new york regional director david west was awarded nearly $26,000 in bonuses. >> jon: these veterans should just avoid the northeast corridor. >> failure to monitor mental health patients at the atlanta va lead to three deaths. we found its former director james clark received over 31,000 dollars in bonuses the years two of those patients died. >> jon: holy [bleep]. the department of veteran affairs run by jesse pinkman, driving around to rather than dom va hospitals throwing money out the window.
hey you keep up the good work, bitch! that is my jesse pinkman impression. (laughter) going to an american hospital for a veteran shouldn't require more courage than storming the beach at normandy. so now we know about the problems. what are we going to do to fix. >> last year veterans affairs gave out nearly $97 million in bonuses. now congress plans to review the bonuses given to va officials who oversaw hospitals that had problems with patient care. >> jon: congress is on the case. woo-hoo. congress is fixing the va and the man is driving us all home, and jerry sandusky is watching the kids tonight.
in show time's dexter currently in its final season. >> i have to tell you something. >> what? >> harrison an i are leaving soon. >> what do you mean are you leaving, you are leaving where. >> leaving miami, with hanna. >> what are you talking about? >> we're moving to argentina. >> are you kid sfing? do you know how stupid that sounds. you are a going to take your [bleep] son and move to a country with a wanted fugitive am have you thought this through. >> i have. >> jon: what's with the cursion. please welcome back to the program michael c. hall. (cheers and applause) hello, brother! my friend, nice to see you again. >> you too. >> this, i got to tell you this dexter how many year, 8 years. >> yeah, 7 years, that's
like college twice. >> is there-- i know you love doing it t is a wonderful show. is there any part of you that thinks i'm going to be somewhat relieved not to have to kill so many people any more? >> yes, absolutely, yeah. i mean i take a lot of pride in what we've done collectively. but yeah there's a sense of relief that i'm not-- i think it does something to you, even if it's just a simulation. like in fact we finished and my first thought was what have i done. (laughter) you know, like i mean, i know gensymlation but i feel like there is some part of me that recorded this as if it actually happened. >> jon: there is something like that. i know for me it has been a lot of years and i take off makeup every night but i imagine if that were let's say, i don't know, blood, that would have an impact. >> there's also the worry that i was exercising some demons doing the show that i'm going to have to find another way to exor seis without actually killing
people. >> jon: yeah, that would be better. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. you know, like i don't know, racquetball. >> jon: yeah, yeah, something. but also the character, the mortician. >> yeah. >> stephen: the serial kill, i want to see like good time fun hour. >> yeah. >> jon: you in a bunny suit just hopping. nobody dies. >> nobody dies. >> jon: it's just uni corns and rainbows. >> i have a movie coming out, first frame of the film, my character, dead. >> jon: what is happening here? >> i turned the tables on myself but i still can't get away from the dead bodies. >> jon: i have to say this though, i've noticed that when you were early like the younger serial killer guy, body count you were knocking them off week-to-week, now it takes five episodes. >> i know, i know. >> jon: it's not the same. >> get out the saran wrap and do this,. >> true. >> jon: you slowed down a little bit.
>> i know. he's trying to have his cake and kill it too. it's like he's trying to have real friendships and real relationships. and it's a mess. >> jon: do you find, you know, that as you begin to wind down with this, that the family that you guys have assembled, like there's a melancholee, a feeling of excitement but also there is a strange melancholly. >> a vague sense of sadness. >> jon: it's like a family. >> it's very much so i'm sure you can relate tos that, having spent as much time as you have here. >> jon: i don't -- >> know what i am talking about? >> jon: i try not to make icon tack with anybody. i treat this like nam, you know, i don't know who is going to get fragged next so i'm not looking. >> you don't decorate your office. >> jon: i don't decorate the office. >> like a prison cell. >> jon: absolutely, yeah,. >> truly. an it's just a series of good-byes. the whole last season, the first episode was the first
last episode, the last first episode, what-- and as people had their last scenes, you know, it is a cum latif sense of, well, sadness and an end. >> jon: do they keep in touchlt i don't have as much experience in this but on the film we did over the summer, we all came together, very intense experience, we were all, and then as you went through it, they would be like that's a picture wrap and that person disa pered from the earth. >> yeah. >> jon: like it was kind of weird and it took awhile to adjust to it emotionally. >> it's an awkward thing. you can't really assimilate the entirety of eight years when you are saying good-bye to someone one afternoon when it's their last scene, hard to wrap your head around. >> jon: in another series is there something that stays with you, i find like with my high school friends if we get together again, boy, years just fall-- in five minutes. >> are you right back there. >> jon: so is there the feeling that security that when you reconnect with them
you know the ease in which you get along will be there. >> yeah, i have that. i saw lauryn ambrose who played my sister on six feet under recently and there is an immediate, sort of back and forth that we had. and i haven't seen her in years and i have that with members of that family. and i hope that will have the same with dexter people. >> jon: that will be lovely. you know what mi going to do in the film that i was filming, i'm going to friend them on-- on some type of social media. >> right. >> jon: and then we'll update each other. >> maybe you could send photos where you are looking directly into their eyes and you can have an experience you have never had before. >> jon: are you totally a serial killer. you're [bleep] crazy! no, it's great. congratulations so much on the show. it's so well done. >> thank you. >> jon: such a good show. appreciate you being here. dexter airs on showtime sunday nights at 9, how many more ep sides three, two. >> there are three left starting sunday. >> jon: three left, man, so check them out.