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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  December 19, 2013 11:00pm-11:31pm PST

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i have two questions what's holding you together and how it will is the guy on the bottom because that's a full grown man on top? okay, i stare at the north star every night so if you do too it will be like we're still together. see you next season. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. our guest tonight childhood friend of max browning, jonah hill is here. [cheers and applause] we're excited about that. [cheers and applause] we're excited about that. all in all i think we can all
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agree this has been an up and dun year but certainly not a good year for privacy. between edward snowden's revelations about the nsa and the revelations that ikea is spying on its employees. there's that now show howie mandel watches you poop. that soon invasion. i didn't sign up to be a contestant yet there i was. [laughter] this week brings the most devastating privacy news yet. >> a bombshell revealed. prosecutors say the now shut down world of the news newspaper hacked the royals' phone. >> jon: you know what this means? queen selfies. [ laughter ] what sup, girl? [laughter] i gotta say though i don't care for them hacking the royals phones but that has to be juicy material.
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>> a phone hacking trial that william called kate babykins. >> the queen was furious. >> some of the guards were scoffing some of the nuts left out for her to eat within the palace. >> jon: they have to leave nuts around the palace for the queen as though she's a common squirrel? she's a queen can't she store them in her royal cheeks? for more we're joined by the senior royal correspondent john oliver. john, thank you. >> thank you very much. >> jon: this soon amazing situation but is there really a story here? >> are you seriously asking me that. >> jon: i'm asking that question. >> that's not just a story there's a traf industry here --
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travesty here. why is the sex? good luck selling a collectible plate with those things on there. >> jon: i thought that went? >> that bit, why? >> jon: i thought it was funny. did you think us discussing this was that we got laughs. >> yeah, a few, not bad. >> jon: do you think it's weird that we worked on this will all day -- [laughter] -- this bit we did here. i don't know if you know this like john oliver how long have you been here? >> seven and a half years. >> jon: seven and a half years but john, we know this, you are a tremendously talented individual. you know we know you are talented. john -- john got his own show on hbo which is long overdue and we're excited for him but this is unfortunately his last night with us. [audience awwwws] i went through
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a charade of writing this royal nut bit. >> we're to the doing the (bleep) bit. >> jon: of course not. what do you think we're doing here. >> i thought you cared about the queen. >> jon: i don't care. there's only one british royal i care about tonight and his name is prince john oliver. [cheers and applause] here is what i want to talk about a little bit. you came to us from -- i think you came from he he ellsbury on rightly. muffin on puffin stuff. >> that's offensive but fine. >> jon: it should be. but what john brought to social security a broad range of characters from different backgrounds. jond from london by the daily show's correspondent. >> hello jon, how are you? hello mr. stewart fine and dandy
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if i may say. have no fear england is here to make you feel a little better. can we have some more. it be christmas day, sir. india there's a land worth sunday sub gating. i can't meet the royal baby with peach fuz. what if he wants to touch me fez. [ laughter ] i have even less range than you. [laughter] >> jon: you know what is nice when you watch the clips, you and i vnlt aged a you bit. [ laughter ] here is what i thought was even better. this soon american show. you stepped night. it was an unusual situation. but the britts are known obviously -- brits are known for his sophisticated with it. john oliver brought that. >> walking down the block an old
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man pays to you. >> all right. >> sodomy, whacking off. >> jon: thank you john oliver. >> you've never seen a professional news man enjoy a phenomenal story before. scratch my beg. my ass was (bleep) my balls through a circular saw. ow! ow! [laughter] >> jon: i still don't know what this -- >> you've got nothing else to do. [ laughter ] >> jon: even doing like whatever like brooklyn you still go into the -- >> i have one more. >> jon: be serious for just a minute. you know, the thing that i have always loved about what you do is in the field you brought out such incredible pieces and such incredible work. we have nowhere near enough time
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to show some of the amazing pieces that john did in the film. here say little touch of some of the work that john was able to do in the field. take a look. >> what makes a politician successful? >> getting reelected by his or her constituents. >> right, yeah. that is how you judge success: okay. >> well, getting legislation done. >> is second? >> is second, yes. >> that is second. holy (bleep) that is second? >>ahh? >> do black people every say thank you to white people for what they've done here. >> no. >> you are kidding me. >> no. >> they never acknowledged the fact that they received anything from us. >> remind me why coming off
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unesc o's funding is a good thing. >> we didn't create this problem. >> that's the headline we didn't create this program. >> although we did create the law. >> confused again. >> we're the good guys here. >> for sure. >> for sure. >> yes. >> and when the programs are getting shutdown we feel like the good guys because? >> we are. >> because we are. we are the good guys. don't laugh this is not a joke. this is the backbone of u.s. policy. the republican party had come to this beachfront resort to send a serious message. >> the budgetary problems have to start with the spending. you have to stop spending. >> people should know they shouldn't be going to hawaii. >> appearances are important. words mean things but people judge you by the things you do. you have the freedom to spend your money or do whatever you
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want to and then with that freedom also comes the responsibility and the consequences of your actions. >> yeah, yeah. >> and i think that's part of what washington is not seeing. >> wow. wow. >> is the consequences of what they are doing. >> they are not seeing it? >> no they are not. >> who is the president ofs uzbekistan? >> the president of uzbekistan? [laughter] >> you didn't need to know then and have not found out since. ♪
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[cheers and applause] >> jon: standing o! [cheers and applause] we're going to miss you. [cheers and applause] john oliver. [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] you know what? i know how to break the mood. i know how to break the mood. chuck? ♪ danger ♪ ♪ danger >> jon: we'll be right back. [cheers and applause]
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[cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back to the show. welcome back to the show. hold on. hold on. emotion repress, repress. don't feel -- i'm back. so listen as a student of history one thing that we've all learned is that even the mightiest dynasties eventually crumble.
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the ming dynasty, happensberg dynasty and now problem for the preeminent dynasty of our age. >> the duck dynasty characters led by family pate rach are stars. but in an article of gq phil robertson called homosexuality sinful. just more. out from there bestiality, the drunkards the swindlers they won't inherit the kind dom of god. it's not right. >> jon: yeah, man it's zz top not zz bottom. [ laughter ] first of all i don't watch your duck dine industry and i assumed it was a show where ducks reenacted the show dynasty. which, by the way, would have eye huge gay audience. besides equating being gay with bestiality he recommend -- reminisced about how black
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people were happy during slavery times and no one was singing the blues forgetting, of course, that was pretty much when and where the blues were invented. as you can imagine glaad filed a complaint and naacp. >> there's something called the first amendment. this is the word police. political correctness. >> jon: yes, i, too, have a problem with the word of police. it's by far the worst law and order spinoff. i don't care for it. [ laughter ] look, i think what the guy said is ignorant but i have an inclination to support a world where saying ignorant (bleep) on television doesn't get you kicked off that medium. [cheers and applause]
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but i guess i stand with the free speech absolutists at fox news who don't believe you should pressure people to have to adhere to cultural norms of speech mostly. >> why are so many towns removing the word and the name christmas. >> isn't it discriminating against christians by calling it a holiday tree. >> christmas is cyst mat it's the religion for christians. respect it. >> some people are busy trying to erase chris mast from the culture. >> it's a xmas tree it's christmas. >> people are going happy holidays. >> do you debate that there are all kinds of instances where christmas is struck from the lexicon. >> who gives a rip about whether or not a white or red poinsettia is in the school. it doesn't have jesus on it.
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get over it. >> jon: there are flowers floweh jesus on them. their belief in free speech doesn't extend to the holidays where the word christmas is mandatory. fox wouldn't pressure people to use the phrase merry christmas. >> the governor of rhode island refusing to call you a christmas tree. it's called the holiday tree. for folks watching right now thinking that's crazy i should call the governor. we have his phone number. >> when department stores ordered the employees not to say merry christmas we won that because we named them and no one went shopping there. >> they can call your radio show and contact the governor. >> tulsa's holiday parade of lights will go on as scheduled saturday despite the protests. >> fortunately the parade will not suffer. >> jon: i end with the staged words of fox approved cast of
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duck dine city. >> happy, happy, happy, happy. êx 7 rjrj,x,x
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[cheers and applause]
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>> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight, his new film is called "the wolf of wall street." >> don't forget about my money. >> sorry what was that? >> i forgot to tell you he has some money. >> a couple mil coming in like a week. when it gets here i'll give you a call you come pick it up. >> give me a call. >> when it gets here, i'll give you a call and you'll come pick it up. >> we don't work for you, man. >> sweetheart money taped to your boobs, tech fikly you do work -- technically you do work for me. >> jon: please welcome back to the program jonah hill. [cheers and applause] >> hello. >> jon: enjoy, soak it in.
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how are you, sir? >> i'm well, how are you? >> jon: for new yorkers where did you grow up los angeles? >> i grew up in los angeles. >> jon: so marty scores is scorsese is like the pope of film making. >> right. >> jon: i'm so angry at you for being so close to that man. i'm not allowed within half a mile. >> no you are not. [ laughter ] >> jon: was that an incredible experience? >> he is my favorite artist of any medium. favorite filmmaker. favorite anything. good fellas is my favorite movie. that's why i wanted to make movies in the first place to. even get to be him would have been the highlight of my existence. get out to play opposite leo in a movie directed by him. >> jon: it's a little crazy. >> i play an unhinged drug
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addict maniacal wall street criminal. >> jon: do they have those? >> apparently not every single person who worked on wall street ever was by the book and a good person all around. >> jon: i cannot wait to see this. >> i was shocked to find this out as well. i assumed they were boy scouts walking around there. >> jon: when he -- so does he approach you for something like this. do you have top send in a tape? do you have to good to some underground layer? how does this occur? >> i did a film calledmoneyball. >> jon: nice work. >> mange you. >> -- thank you. i got nominated for an academy award which is crazy within itself. after that all these different kinds of opportunities starting coming my way. my agent called me and said you are on the bottom of a list of
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actors that are being considered to play opposite leo leonardo dicaprio. i bid leo. i said i know who this guy is in society. i want to be a part of showing that and bringing that person to life. a month later i got to meet with martin scorsese they said he wants to meet and talk about the film. i said can i audition for him. let me show him what i want to do instead of begging on my hans and knees. they said okay. i hadn't been on an audition in six years. my first audition back was martin scorsese. >> jon: yikes! >> i was terrified. he said kid, how are you doing? sit down and we're going to read this thing. i get there i'm so nervous. i want to die. [ laughter ] and i see this ladder up there and i feel that it's so hot that
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i can't breathe or anything. i realize the ladder is leading up to the air conditioning and it's not working. i am dripping sweavment i need to go to the restroom. i'm looking at my self-in the hero saying get your (bleep) together. don't blow this. i go back in and say this is going to sound so insane but is there any other place we can do this because it's so hot i'm afraid i'm going to pass out. the casting director said it's so hospital. we did the scenes a couple times. one is that scene you just watched. two months i don't hear anything except you are still in the running you but they are meeting with this actor who is better than you. i was at dinner and my phone range and it was leonardo dicaprio saying let's do this. >> jon: you had me nervous for
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a second. here is what is crazy about that story. i'm so wrapped up in the story. i have seen the movie. i know he is in it. still wasn't sure he was going to get part. i got nervous about that all good things. wolf of wall street. í cqb>pi÷g;g; k,x.h@é@é,xa ,x@él
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[cheers and applause] >> jon: that is our show, ladies and gentlemen. have a wonderful, wonderful holiday, christmas, whatever it is. here it is your moment of zen. >> and this is your moment of zen. ♪ ♪