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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  May 19, 2015 9:27am-10:02am PDT

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began with top diplomats pulling red bull fueled all nighters and ended with the iranian kid and play dancing in the streets and they weren't persian youths inspired by the breakthrough. >> the unprecedented move, ordinary iranians. >> many marked the moments by taking selfies with their television. >> you know, our cultures, our cultures are not so different. >> actually i got caught doing the same thing watching "naked and afraid". >> oh, you can see my third mickey mouse ear shaped nickel in the middle of -- >> i just thought i would point that out. >> so iranians are excited because any nuclear deal would involve lifting the international sanctions crippling their economy. but what are they actually
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giving up in exchange? >> it requires iran not to enrich uranium to reduce the centrifuges from 19,000 to 6,000. >> dismantle a plutonium reactor, which is another path to the bomb. >> and calls for strict u.n. inspections. >> and iran will also downgrade its official statement of belligerence from death to america to hemorrhoids and bunions to america. the final step, opening their, opening their facilities to inspectors, delaying production for a decade. this is a big deal. >> there is no deal. >> >> there is no deal? >> in the this is a detailed framework for future negotiations, not a done deal. >> really? because i believed
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the 80-point font graphic next to your head would beg to differ. >> generally when one stands next to a historic nuclear deal sign, it is in reference to a historic nuclear deal not some other -- oh you changed it. okay. >> touche. >> okay. wait. wait, if this isn't a done deal what level of deal doneness is it at? >> it is sort of like you signed a contract to purchase a home, but you still have got the appraisal, the inspector, you have got to make sure that there isn't some kind of environmental disaster on the land. >> ugh. we get it. you have to move soon. we know. >> i don't know. does anyone have a metaphor for
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this agreement that starts out sensible and then gets kind of creepy? >> the metaphor i think about, judy, is a wedding engagement, there is going to be vigorous debates about the size of the dowry and the prenuptial agreement. and if indeed the wedding happens on time, which is -- past as precedent, it will likely be delayed the marriage is going to have profound mistrust between the two sides and many saboteurs. >> saboteurs? when was the last time you were at a wedding? the 1400s? >> is in any reason this man and woman should not be married sabotage their dowry. >> america and iran who haven't been on speaking terms since 1979 could still find a chance to reach a diplomatic agreement. it's actually kind of inspiring.
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>> but the agreement could be derailed by congressional republicans. >> come on. >> are you really saying but the agreement could be derailed by republican is like the political version of saying in bed after you read your fortune cookie. >> you will enjoy great health and spiritual oneness, but the agreement could be derailed by republicans. >> the terms are not as bad as i feared. they are much worse. >> why is a nuclear iran so scary to us? it is because iran has shown itself to be a destabilizing force in the middle east. >> >> yes. if any nuclear power is going to destabilize the middle east, it will continue to be us. >> even the president of the congressional republicans, the president of the congressional republicans complained about this deal. >> i am sure they think it's a good deal but we differ. i think this is a bad deal.
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i think for the preimminent terrorist state of our time to have a free pass, an easy pass to nuclear weapons endangers israel, endangers the region endangers the world, endangers everyone listening to me right now. >> you don't start with endangers the world and end with and everyone who is listening to this with george stephanopoulus, that is a deescalation. >> iran is an existential threat to the entire universe as well as your viewers. >> a small group of washington policy wonks and elderly viewers too weak to change the channel from the sunday morning (bleep) show. >> so conservative republicans don't think it is a good deal. what should the deal have been? >> is the current deal on the table tough enough? >> iran should not have any uranium enrichment capability at all. >> the deal with the devil. >> they need to immediately
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destroy any nuclear materials that they have. >> america caved. >> we look impo tempt. >> we look weak. >> it is time for american leadership, not surrender. >> you don't negotiate with bullies. >> you punch them in the face. >> why are we even sitting at the table? >> i think it is time to bomb iran. >> well, that went south real (bleep) fast. >> correspondent hasan minhaj has more thoughts. >> obviously, these iranians nuclear negotiations are very complicated. >> so you have been talking to people, how would republicans have preferred them to go? >> jon, the gop members i talked to had a clear strategy in mind. basically they think the u.s. negotiators should have opened with and i am quoting here. pshew pshew! bap-bap-bap-bap! pshew pshew! bap-bap-bap-bap! >> they are coming in hot! >> not today! cover me. i got you, dad! here we go, not
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today, ayatollah. >> >> that was -- >> i am not done yet, jon, i am not done. >> [gunfire noises. >> here we go. >> ah, i am hit! i am hit! >> jimmy, go on without me. >> i am not leaving you behind. >> >> is that a light saker? >> it is, jon, it is, jon. >> republicans continue -- >> abdul! get over here! >> holy (bleep).
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>> is that mortal kombat? >> >> auto botts, form ameritron! >> see you in hell ayatollah. >> jet pack! >> danger stone, danger stone! danger zone! force danger zone. end quote, jon. >> hasan minhaj everybody, we will be right back.
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>> this morning this morning this very morning we got word of a big announcement. >> kentucky senator rand paul becoming the second republican to officially join the 2016 presidential race.
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he has scheduled an event today in louisville. >> oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god. >> ah, we knew he was going to run. anyway a nondoctrinaire republican, strong libertarian bent offering an alternative to the bush and clinton presidential dynasties with his, what is the big announcement? >> this is the start of a cause, a cause to elect rand paul the next united states of america. >> i knew rand paul had some unconventional ideas, but electing him the next united states of america is probably, i think, -- i think it's -- we get
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the point, though. let's hear from the man himself. senator rand paul! >> we will have williams to lead us in our pledge. >> right now we have to do the pledge first. how else do you smoke out the traitors? >> we do the pledge. but now, the kentuckian, rand paul! >> stevenson will now give the invocation i want to introralph alvarado. >> please welcome. >> please welcome lauren bottler. >> you are in for a real treat. >> i asked her 0 to come up and sing the national anthem. >> ♪ ♪ in the home of the and the home of the free! ♪ ♪ >> oh (bleep) that kid has pipes. >> that was amazing. i have to tell you this president thing doesn't work out, rand paul has a future as
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the next producer of the oscars. talking about put on a show, this guy came armed with four separate video packages, one on internet privacy, there was one on urban poverty, 30 minutes into the show i wanted to attend this event, from the guy who was announcing the president, there was even a video about rand paul going on with his wife when they met. >> i met him on a spring day, a cute curly headed guy. >> probably 18 years old and still in college i realized he was not 18, he was 26. >> i remember saying, 26? and you are still a libertarian? >> and then finally, a long slow hour after post time. >> please join me in welcoming my husband and your awesome u.s.
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senator, rand paul. >> finally! at this point even hillary clinton was just like already, announce already. with your help, this message will ring from coast to coast. a message of liberty, justice and personal responsibility. today begins the journey to take america back. >> >> hulk angry. hulk age bring the as overwhelming overwhelming government surveillance state. help control the fed. >> bring it home baby. >> today, i announce with god's help, with the help of liberty lovers everywhere, that i am
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>> star of the hbo "game of thrones", premiering its fifth season. >> you never told me why you set me free. >> because my brother wants me to. >> you could have said no. >> saying no to the king share is a dangerous proposition. >> not as dangerous as releasing me. >> your position everything, why? you are not family. you owe me nothing. >> i didn't do it for you. i did it for the seven kingdoms. >> drunken, will never be the savior of the seven kingdoms. >> i don't believe in saviors, i believe men of talent have a part to play in the war to come.
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>> kill him! >> welcome back to the program, peter dinklage! [ cheers and applause ] >> jon: how did you get that student film i gave you? >> it was sent to us by an a no, anonymous. >> those were my own words. >> jon: really? you seemed very comfortable with it. >> yes. in kashmir. >> jon: it is beautiful. >> yeah. >> jon: here is a tribute to your character. there is not a moment that i watch your character it is like, he is going to hit that guy in the head with the bottle. i always think that you have something going. >> like benny hill? >> jon: hit him not hit him in the headlining -- but hit him in the head, like take a
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stipulate and like flame poison, like that, dragon poison. >> yeah. i drink so much of that. >> jon: on the show? >> wine on the show. >> jon: the series now, it veers a little bit away from the books now, a little more -- >> in a lot of ways, yes. >> jon: in many ways. >> jon: i was surprised to see there is now a boy wizard named harry in it. >> which seemed a bit of a departure. >> yeah. the whole season this year is in a restaurant like my din we are andre. >> jon: you are just sitting there and talk the whole time. does she have like, does george ever stop by and -- >> no. he used to. he is busy lately. he is writing his book. >> jon: i mean, my heart goes out to george because boy oh boy, that's a lot. >> the fans are very hard on him. it is lovely because they want those books, but hey, they have
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got to ease up. >> you know what it is too, i think the reason insatiability and once people get ahold of it like, and realize that the process, it takes a long time and a lot of energy. >> yeah. >> jon: to create that and weave this, and it is very complex and very vivid and explicit. >> i imagine that is difficult or do you think he has a team of little mini martins in the back room just pounding away? >> probably yeah. >> don't we all have those? you have those. >> >> jon: well right. >> we called them indentured servants. >> they are called interns. >> jon: that's right. >> do you guys i tell you and you laugh when i say interns i could say anything. >> jon: try a word. >> caterpillar. >> jon: come on. cat pal caterpillar a that's a funny word and excellent choice. i am always concerned when something like this happens that television jumps on it and
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creates, yes or creates bad versions of this similar -- >> there have been a lot of bad versions before. >> jon: right right right. >> because it is really hard to do. it costs money and tv used to be not what it is today. >> jon: it is so hard to keep it from becoming -- >> parity. >> jon:. >> to make it parity on the set -- >> jon: the christmas party i am sure gets very -- >> it is a fine line. it is a fine line. >> jon: i am sure it is not easy. >> no. i mean especially working with thomas hille who plays the bald man in that scene. he gets into it. it is so much fun. >> that man, we were having dinner, i got to eat dinner with him one night in croatia and he ordered seven chickens. >> he ate seven chickens. like whole chick kennels like roast chickens. >> jon: oh, they were cooked?
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>> yeah. >> yeah, yeah. >> jon: so you read -- >> and he is a lovely guy. >> jon: giant, huge huge. >> he lifts stones. >> jon: right. >> this is true. he broke a 1,400-year-old strength record. >> yeah. >> jon: by lifting -- i think he put it on his shoulder, a 30-foot tree trunk. >> yeah. >> jon: and like carrying it to a 7-11. i don't know all of the details. >> yeah. >> jon: does he just pick things up like a flintstone character? >> on the set? you have to pay him. >> i think it is sort of -- >> jon: a bit of a party favor. >> he is probably stick of doing it. >> jon: and there is going to be more, right? season six and the whole thing? >> i don't know when i die or if i die. >> a woman the other day said to me i was sort of had my hadn't had my morning coffee yet and
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she said i hope you don't die. >> and i didn't put it together because i was tired and it was before my coffee and it was so weird and it took me a second and it was so terrifying. >> i was walking on the new york city streets and she said it to me in passing. i hope you don't die. >> i hope i don't either. >> i mean, that is something i don't want. >> jon: i wonder what else she does in the streets of new york. >> don't die! >> the thing is she is right because we always do. >> jon: she is like the -- in the ring. >> seven days later, it is like i don't feel well. new season, "game of thrones", premiers this sunday at 9:00, hbo, peter dinklage.
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t. and it's incredible island staff. (father:) i can't imagine life without them. this is not goodbye. ♪ yes, it is. ♪ (father:) no, it isn't... ♪ ok, i guess it's not. ♪ you got it booking right. booking.yeah
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neighborhood in baltimore. ( laughter ) ( applause ) i'm sitting down with rival gang members at a diner, proving once again that i will risk my life for pie. ( laughter ) ( applause ) conservatives argued to the supreme court that allowing gay marriage would somehow lead to more abortions. would someone please explain to these people where babies come from? ( applause ) here ye, here ye! "the nightly show" is now in session. let's do this! ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> larry: welcome to "the nightly show." thank you very much. welcome. so nice to have you-- >> larry! larry!