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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  June 4, 2015 1:04am-1:37am PDT

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remission. - arrrrrr rrr! - look, kyle, cartman is totally miserable even more miserable than he was before because he's had his dream and lost it. - it's not fair! it's not fair. i wanna die! i wanna die! - you are up there. ng sponsored by comedy central from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york this is the daily show with jon stewart.
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(cheers and applause) >> jon: hey welcome to the daley show my name is jon he is wrt. we have a good show for you tonight, one of our fiv rits melissa mccarthy is going to be joining us. (cheers and applause) >> but first you know as we all know you know we're americans, we know america's long struggle with the whole all men are created equal saying that we put there in that document. seems lake every decade or so we as a nation need to ask ourselves you know all men really all? black people asians everybody, really all? eskimos seriously? well lately muslims have been subject to the equal pem testament and well there is good news and bad news. it's the subject of our new islamic affairs segment
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halal things considered. let's start with the good news. >> justices ruled in favor of a young muslim woman who was reswrekted from working at the clothing store abercrombie & fitch. >> she wore a hijab to the job sper view wand as denied a job because the head scarf violated the retailer's look policy. >> jon: she won! she won it was disappointing she was put in that position but she won. she stood up against discrimination and triumphed and as a rewards for her brave struggle i'm proud to say that she can now work at abercrombie & fitch. (laughter) she has won the right to spend eight hours a day in a cloud of kofl own selling pink polo shirts to guys named chad. so winning the right to work in a pseudoshop is a prioric
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victory, but that is not the bad news. >> claims of discriminal facial of a muslim woman who claims she was denied an ununopen can of soda. she was basically saying i what use a can of soda as a weapon swrz okay sounds bad. but look you take that soda you add alka seltzer and a seagull and you have got yourself a bomb on an airplane. i mean there's-- there's a reason that they don't let you bring seagulls on airplanes. (laughter) >> jon: that's-- weird when the seagull blows up as its appends ages stay intact with the feathers. now you can agree or disagree with the airline policy of distribution of unopened cans but are we really sure this is discrimination. >> she asked the opinion next to me what he would like to drink. and he requested a can of beer. and she i noticed that she placed it in front of him and it was a closed beverage can.
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>> jon: okay, okay seems like a double standard. but you think about t when has a white guy pounding beers on an airplane ever lead to violence. it's just-- i'm being told almost every time. almost every time. well, this sounds like a hornl experience. but as with any situation involving a major airline it could always get worse. >> i asked the passengers around me i said does anyone witness what she just said to me. i said how dare you say that i would use it as a weapon. and then a man sitting, you know across from me said you muslim you need to shut the f up. >> jon: that is-- i'm shoblinged at what goes on in coach. boy. am i right? i mean it's-- can't you just say can't you just say to the person come on calm down the sun days will be out any minute along with the live music in coach
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he's still dead but in first fly me to the moon. well, if there was any ambiguity of whether or not this incident had a discrimination component old f bomb swrn son took care of that. at least now the flight attendant would shut that down. >> the flight attendant didn't say anything to him either. >> oh. >> i feel badly for this woman. for more we're joined by senior religious correspondent hasan minhaj. hasan this is a shocking story that tahara ahmed, an american citizen an interface conductor at the northwestern university. how does she not have the right and freedom to enjoy one of our 12 ounces of delicious sugar water. >> jon actually, the airline did the right thing. you can't risk passenger safety just to give in to one woman's crazy demands.
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>> jon: she asked for a can of soda. >> okay, jon you men a carbonated grenade? all right, you throw that at someone bam they are out like a sprout. >> jon: you have just thrown away your one weapon. >> yeah, but then you ask the flight attendant for another can of soda 198 soda cans later the plane is yours. i mean even less if it's a commuter flight. >> jon: hasan i didn't realize muslims were soda can macgyvers. >> we're crafty yes. anything on a plane is a weapon to a muslim, all right. the corner of a dorito chip can slice the neck. you think that seat cushon is a flow days device you are wrong that is a smothering pillow. you see a skymall i see a paper cut-- .
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>> jon: this well want trying to take over the plane. she was wearing a scarf that is all. >> around her head. >> jon: yeah. >> scarf around the head is way scarier than scarf around the neck. big difference okay. allow me to demonstrate using just a little prop here. this is a standard scarf right here. this is good, okay. this is good. not good okay. good, not good okay. all right. fun, scary. >> jon: okay. >> this right here says i'm audrey hepburn gal vanting around the plaza. this is as i'm here to kill audrey hepburn while she gala vants around the plaza. >> jon: i don't think that's it. but this s let me tell you something, this is america from everything that i have learned about america we love people of faith. that's what we love. >> you are absolutely right. if it is the right one. now there is a hierarchy of faift in this country. up top we have evangelical.
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then catholic jewy but not too jewy miscellaneous nonmuslim scientology devil worship then right down here is muslim. >> oh so are muslims supposed to hide their faith is that the idea. >> great idea. that is a great idea. which leads me to my next segment minuteham's-- minhaj's muslim makeover. >> jon: that say really pretty gafk. >> you like it swrz yes i do. >> working on the branning. anyway step number oning change your name. now this is a serious thing. if you are mohammed go by moe. salomon sal fatima your name is now craig. >> jon: craig? that seems hum il yating. >> it is call me cody jon. >> jon: all right. >> step two f you are a man you have to follow my lead here and hide your beard. >> jon: you done have a beard.
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>> on the outside. my beard is actually on the inside of my mouth i'm constantly joking jon. now if you are a muslim well flying on a plane things get more complicated. you have to change the game. first things first you have to get your hijab now that is going expose your hair so you have to change that too. we're getting there. now the next step is getting rid of all those clothes. remember covered in fabric means covered in secrets so we are something a little more america-loving. that is the ticket. that's the ticketment now that is a muslim that et gos an unopened can of soda. >> jon: all right, thank you so much cody. >> hasan minhaj everybody we'll be right
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>> jon: welcome back kids. you know kids, a lot of feeling on how you should
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raise them, personally i say water twice a day an keep them ne'er the light. i think i'm confusing them with miracles. anyway jordan klepper files this report. >> children, they're everywhere. but are they safe? one quick look at the news proves they're at risk for almost everything. >> she might be surprised by what is growing inside your child's lunch box. >> that could actually harm them. >> have you ever looked or checked your child's credit report. >> a warning tonight if your children have blue eyes. >> a warning for you parents whose children eat canny. >> but even with all the things out there that can kill children, some people just don't get it. >> i think kids deserve to be outside. i think they can pay in the park with each other without us hovering. i think they can walk to school [bleep]. >> that's right author and world work club lenore has started something called the free range parenting movement. >> free range kids. the idea that our kids are
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not in constant danger. >> let's lack at that. >> i think that we are overestimating dangers. and underestimating our kids' almost all the time. >> fear is good. fear keeps you safe. >> fear is keeping our kids inside. >> a lot. >> indoors bored fat diabetic depressed. >> i'm not afraid of my kid sitting around on the couch getting sexually molested by freedom. >> if there were only a voice of reason. >> i'm the voice of reason how about that. >> oh, thank god. psycho therapist dr. karen russkin. >> when i first horde the phrase free range parenting what i found myself thinking was how annoyed and disturbed i was. those parents think my-- why? because nothing is going to happen and if something does happen my kid is so smart.
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>> they will just [bleep] that their kids out, i agree. >> see, as compared with just 25 years ago today's children are exponentially dumber. >> free range kids is really an old-fashioned way of raising kids to let kids play outside so when your parents probably let you. >> my parents let me do whatever i want. we just can't expect children to-- mom -- >> the lights are so bright. >> we are inside, all right. >> listen young man you listen to your mother,. >> these are not uv rays these are inside lights. >> you remember what happened that time you got grabbed. >> i know i got crabs i'm sorry i got crabbed. >> and she is teaching our cdsbren new ways to put themselves in utter peril. >> mom ugh. >> if you need help talk to strange ares. >> what. >> you want kids to talk to strangerness. >> i do because god forbid you are you can whatting down the street you are a kid and there is some guy following you very slowly in a white van with no windows. i want that kid to feel
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totally confident running across the street to the guy raking his leaves. >> you want a kid to go across the street and talk to a rakist jeez. >> but it was just this kind of vision that created a nightmare for a maryland couple who thought their six and ten-year-olds were smart enough to walk home alone three entire blocks from a playground. >> the kids stopped to pet a dog and the dog owner called 911. >> two kids that are una -- accompanied and they have been walking around for probably 20 minutes by themselves. >> but luck lethe authorities came to the rescue within they found the family guilty of unsubstantiated child neglect. >> those made up sounding charges were later reversed but not to worry the parents are still under investigation. no doubt for even more unsub standuated charges. >> parents are allowed to let their children go out to the park alone if they want to. >> but they may suffer the consequences of arrest. >> there is a possibility of course. >> but she thinks the times
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they are a changing. >> kids today are safer than probably when you were growing up. >> yes because smart people are locking their kids inside. >> those parents are forgetting that crime is down against adults. >> because we're all staying inside. it's the golden age of television. >> the rest of the world sends their kids walking to school at age 7 and in japan they are taking the subway. >> in japan they crush frogs for sexual pleasure so -- >> she brazenly uses statistics and facts about crime going down to push her pro child an duxz ideology but dr. ruskin knows better. >> how about the child who was chopped up into pieces because he got lost. >> it happens all the time. >> although crime doesn't happen all the time -- >> most of the time. >> although crime doesn't happen all the time or most
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of the time whatever stats you want to pull out-- it doesn't matter the quantity. >> it's the quality. >> crime happens. >> less than it used to happen before big deal. >> some people say that crime happens less than it used to happen before. >> it doesn't mean that there is no crime. >> an when there is no crime then those kids can run out and play but until that day -- >> in the end it's up to parents to decide if gambling with their children's lives is rit for them. but when it comes to my family we're doing it right. >> jon: jordan klepper we'll be right back. only t-mobile has america's best unlimited 4g lte family plan. that's right. the best in the game. 2 lines of unlimited 4g lte data for a 100 bucks a month. and for a plan this big, you want a killer phone. get the lg g4 for $0 down. add lines for only 40 bucks a pop.
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and hit the ground running. no messing around. if you're this kind of student you're our kind of different. devry university. different. on purpose. what do you think? when i first sit in the seat it makes me think of a bmw. i feel like i'm in a lexus. you would think that this was a brand new audi. it's like a luxury car. feels kind of like an infinity. very similar to a range rover. this is pretty high tech. yeah it is. it reminds me of a mercedes. ♪ this is chevy?
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laughing i have a new appreciation for chevy. they thought about me. i could totally rock this. this thing feels pretty boss. it looks kind of dope. that's pretty cool. this is the jam. pretty bomb dude. maybe i will go chevy. i'm definitely in. ♪
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my cut hurt. mine hurt more. mine stopped hurting faster! neosporin plus pain relief starts relieving pain faster and kills more types of infectious bacteria. when you pick any 3 participating products get a free all better bag. available at walmart. (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight we love her in a new movie "spy" >> absolutely toning my dear darling. >> that is quite a tone change. >> what are you doing in here, are you compromising me right now. >> i'm compromising you. -- it might have caused a scene. >> give me credit. what do you think i'm going to do hey i'm a crazy lady where is the buffet where is blue mann group. you should not be -- >> i'm here. take a look around. >> stay away from me. and do not let de luca see you, and i can see you have a gun sticking out of your back pocket unless you are
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so strange you have a second [bleep] coming out of your hip. >> welcome back to the program melissa mccarthy. (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) hi! >> lovely. >> you know what i've wanted to say this to you for a long time. i am all over you like a cheap suit. lev laugh. >> and the placement very interesting. you can just be like hi, jon hi jon. >> what odd-- hi jon.
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>> what odd times square t-shirt shop did they do this at? >> sadly this is me,. >> this is a craft project. >> when you-- this is rock myself to sleep crying when you stop doing the show. i will be like-- you know i'm not going to have anything to do. if you want i will come to your house and do the show every night. i don't have a problem with that. >> yes for the love of god. >> in the news tonight i'll act out all the highlights. >> it will be-- . >> do you have a matching set. >> he's gonea. >> you're crafty. >> i like that, very much. it's very weird because i don't photograph well. and i try not to -- >> yes you do. >> there are so many ways to go. >> i know. >> i am-- it's the least i
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can do. >> settle down there. >> i'm the king of the unflattering freeze frame right? >> no. >> now i'm reading reviews for "spy" your reviews they're like on the comedic-ometers. >> sure you are like gandhi and dancing with wolves now this is like goodfellas this is incredible. >> i don't knows what happening. i'm really proud of it. but any time that's happening i'm always like whoa what's coming. what is going to happen here. you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. >> this is amazing am you reunited with paul and rose burn that we worked together before in bridesmaids. me wrestling-- to the ground with-- seems like a great idea. >> philly mouth but with the accent sounds lovely.
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>> i know. mine just sounds harsh and he swears at me and i'm like oh you. it all sounds better that way. >> always sounds better. >> yeah. you know. >> and that voice by the way that's not real. he's not british. and he's got a very high pitched squeaky voice in real life. don't take anything he says can i have some coffee. i'm like -- >> very few people do it. a lot of times i was on a set with him once years and years ago he would never remember it. and you would think alvin and one of the chipmunks was around. >> true. >> there is a little gun play. >> there really is. >> there is a little gun play. >> we follow protocol. >> you had to do the whole thing. it is not like fake toy gun. >> no they're real and you know, we have to check every time check the bullets and show everybody. i think sometimes there was some-- sometimes some of the crew was like-- like i'm
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going to do every time. i think it's better. >> you think i held a gun once in, i was a bartender and theres with a bar fight and a gun ended up behind the bar but that is the only time i-- they're heavy. >> and i have, there is one scene where i was really holding one for a long time a long scene we kept doing it and doing it at pun point it didn't look very cool because i was like-- oh my arm. and i was trying to be tough and it was just like-- . >> that's how the kids shoot these days in the street. >> i've been down i'm excited too. >> seeing this movie and are you always great in everything but i'm so glad this is going well. i'm going to get pea one of those kimonoes and sit around the house in my la-z-boy and pound taken dew and a big bowl of chips and keep just -- on myself,.
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>> so nice to see you. >> i look forward to just saving this and just tracking its progress. >> i appreciate that. >> pizza ketchup. >> "spy" in the theaters on friday. if you don't see it you have a problem. melissa mccarthy everybody. (applause) anncr: hanes underwear with revolutionary x-temp technology is designed to respond to your body temperature to help keep you cool. let's put it to the test. you're up.
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