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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  June 4, 2015 1:36am-2:10am PDT

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on his quest, jack searched the globe for a flavorful spice coveted by kings and sultans. at last, he found it. exotic black pepper. jack knew what he had to do. trade his most beloved possession. and that's how far jack went to bring you the black pepper cheeseburger. black pepper cheese and peppercorn
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mayo. the black pepper cheeseburger. taste it before it's gone. >> that's our show, here it is your moment of zen. >> san andre use making a seismic debut. rocking the box office over 15 million opening this weekend. >> unbelievable opening. et cetera's take a look at nick wad, he is an earthquake simulator t issored by comedy central >> larry: tonightly the man who shot at george zimmerman uses
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the "stand your ground defense" fair enough but there is still no good reason he missed. [laughing] >> larry: nebraska does away with the death penalty. instead prisoners will be sentenced to life in nebraska. [laughing] >> larry: and now up for auction a racist cartoon drawn by dr. seuss. not only would i not like it in my house. would i not like it with a mouse. oh the places we will go tonightly. this is the "nightly show"." [cheers and applause] ♪ [cheers and applause] ao *ufplt larry larry! larry larry! >> larry: thank you. thank you welcome to the "nightly show." yes!
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khao *. [cheers and applause] >> larry: i'm larry wilmore. lots to get to tonight. let's jump right in. >> audience: love you! larry: love you too. spread the love around. not now after the show. but oh, man caitlyn jenner's 22-page spread first major media a persons since coming out as a transgender woman in april. now millions of americans are doing the unthinkable. buy a magazine in the year 2015. who of thought we would come to this moment, right? besides the historical implications at 65 caitlyn is the oldest woman to be on the cover of vanity fair by herself. truth. man. [cheers and applause] >> larry: whoo. hey, this is proof that tkphrosy print magazines do take older women seriously. just as long as those older
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women were once men. right. actually i think it's great. for someone who was the epitome of maleness to now walk as a woman. well done lady. [ applause ] >> larry: not everyone shares that opinion. presidential precedent mike huckabee had someone to say about transgender people. >> i wish someone in high school would of told me it was okay to feel like a woman. i would of found my feminine side and said, coach, i would rather shower with the girls today. >> larry: ha, ha, ha. mike huckabee. what was his book again? oh ya god, guns, grits gravy
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and go [beep] yourself. alright. mike huckabee if you want to make jokes be careful you're running for president. >> mike huck a wee wants to be your president. but there is something else he wants. >> i think i would rather shower with the girls. >> does he have family values or does he value your family? >> high school girls, shower with the girls, today, today, today. >> when the phone goes on at 3:00 a.m. is it because your president can't hear it ringing over the shower. >> high school girls today. i think i would rather shower with the girls. >> mike huckabee loves to shower. he's anything but clean. >> paid for by veterans who don't want their daughters showering -- [ applause ] >> larry: i hope nobody makes that ad.
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we're just posting it on youtube in case anyone needs it. ha, ha, ha. [laughing] >> larry: alright. moving on. ♪ crazy ♪ >> larry: ya, man crazy pizza time round up, y'all. >> larry: in tonight's update we're talking about my old friend christian megapastor [beep]. what was his name -- coin purse. mento wealth man, low flow paycheck. >> it's creflo. larry: yes the guy who tried to get his congregation to pay for his private jet. remember that. now what was his rational again? >> if i want to believe -- 65 million-dollar plane you can not stop me.
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you can not stop me from dreaming. >> larry: you can not stop me. you can not stop me from dreaming. no, we can't stop you from dreaming. we can stop you from ripping off the poor people who can no longer dream because they gave you all their money for your plane. okay. would you think at this point the congregation maybe onto his scheme? the church is behind him saying this is our faith and the basis what had we believe. it's not necessary for us to justify it. okay. we can't get through to you guys. i get it. corn swaggled. juice and jesus. you're marinating. i will talk to the jet makers. all of you jet making [beep], listen up, man. if a black man comes to your office looking for a jet and his name sounds like a rejected bomb
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billing don't sell it to him. don't set creflo a jet. i will bring this up from time to time. i don't forget about these things. just ask bill cosby that's right mother [beep]. i haven't forgotten. i don't forget this. creflo you're on the list now. don't sell creflo a jet. everyone say it with me. >> audience: don't sell creflo a jet. >> larry: can i get an amen? audience: amen. larry: i think i want a jet now. >> hallelujah. larry: another story tonight. something we thought nobody would be upset about. dr. seuss. >> a controversial cartoon drawn by dr. seuss is not attracting any buyers. a crowd of men in black face along with a racist message.
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>> the message reads take home a high grade n world for your wood pipe. >> larry: jesus, dr. seuss, that doesn't even rhyme. shouldn't be with take home a high grade n word for your fluflam word -- he drew this as like 25. i'm not saying everyone is racist at 25 but when he was 25 everyone was racist. back in his day, this was considered progressive. probably what he drew to get into art school. alright more perspectives let's ask to nightly show interpreter and former child, mike. [cheers and applause] >> larry: welcome mike. >> thanks. larry: mike, does this make you angry? >> man, i don't know what to feel, larry. i love dr. seuss, man. i grew up on his rhymes.
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the first rapper. [laughing] >> larry: a rapper. i'm sure he was just an author. >> that's all you do you did was read the books, layery. you never heard him over a dope ass beat. >> larry: i red him in a dope ass beat. sorry i couldn't help it. >> i have to question everything. he ruined by christmas y'all. >> larry: christmas. >> the kreupb much, larry. racist as hell. a different color than all the whos in whoville. he lives on the outskirts of town. >> larry: i never thought about that. what else? >> according to the song he's a bad banana with what larry? >> larry: a greasy black peel. >> a greasy black peel.
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it's all tainted. don't get me started on red fish, blue fish one fish, two fish. where are the brown fish? >> larry: there is a black fish in the book to be fare. >> not in the title. what about hop on pop. >> larry: what? >> you have to be hopped up on pop, larry. is that what they call crack in whoville. i'm done man. done. >> larry: look he did to his credit he apologized later in life. he drew antiracist cartoons. >> they all do that when they're blowing up and about to show the [beep] money. what is the nigger in the wood pile anyways? >> larry: we looked that up. it's going back to the underground railroad when people looked for escaped slaves hiding in wood piles. >> he was snitching on slaves too?
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>> larry: no. >> he wasn't even alive -- larry: we will be back. >> he wasn't alive back then. [cheers and applause sooo, you're all set to book a flight using rewards miles from your airline credit card. but then the illusion begins. the flights you really want - surprise - they're not available because they cost a ridiculous number of miles. enough is enough... switch to the capital one venture card. with venture, you'll earn unlimited double miles. and using those miles is easy. just book any flight you want, on any airline. then use your miles to cover the cost. no blackout dates. what's in your wallet? aah, the majestic hermit crab.
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[cheers and applause] >> larry: welcome back. now as the 2016 elections start to heat up we thought we would do something different from the red state and blue state map. we have cray and not-cray states. here is what we have so far. [laughing] >> larry: okay. now -- [cheers and applause]
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>> larry: as you can see we have already designated kansas and missouri cray states for their absurd welfare policies. florida is cray cray for obvious reasons, right. and just monday we added alabama as a cray state for celebrating the confederacy on jefferson davis day. you can change to non-cray if you stop doing cray [beep]. it's so simple it's cray. remember that. except florida. you permanently cray cray. [cheers and applause] >> larry: alright. true is true. cray is cray. true is true. for now we tush our attention to the state of nebraska. what is going on? >> nebraska overriding the governor's veto to be the first conservative state in more than 40 years to abolish the death penalty. [cheers and applause] >> larry: now now calling nebraska conservative is well,
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putting it a bit conservatively. this is a state that is 90% state white with a republican governor in favor of the death penalty and a 3-1 republican advantage in the straight legislature. how did this happen? i think so right here earnie chambers. it's not morgan freeman don't clap. you can clap for him, it's okay. [laughing] >> larry: no, he's fought against the death penalty since 1976. yes. he has done this 37 times and it was rejected the first 36. those are matumbo numbers. pop pop pop, pop pop. right. now here is the score card of the 37 times he pushed to kill the death penalty. this is the only third time one of the bills made it to the governor's desk. it was the first time he rounded up enough votes.
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republican votes to overcome the governor's veto. now a straight boss mofo. [cheers and applause] >> larry: right. pretty bad. now of course there could be a referendum putting the issue to a state wide vote. nothing is official until the children consult who he grew up behind the road. thank you for getting that. now the death penalty in nebraska it's dead. dead. [cheers and applause] >> larry: it's dead. it's dead y'all. it's dead. dead. now here is the thing. keep it 100. the death penalty can be debated by reasonable people. i think the boston marathon should be put to death. and i'm fare. hold on. give me a minute. hold on. especially if it gives the super
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bowl championships to the non cheating seahawks. that's all i'm saying. an unjust corrupt system rewarding tough on politicians and prosecutors. one that is right for abuse and mistakes. that's increasingly hard to defend. okay. so nebraska congratulations you not cray. well done. we will be right back. my cut hurt. mine hurt more. mine stopped hurting faster! neosporin plus pain relief starts relieving pain faster and kills more types of infectious bacteria. when you pick any 3 participating products get a free all better bag. available at walmart. when it comes to vaping, vuse has changed the game. vuse digital vapor cigarettes designed and assembled in the usa. our smart micro-processor controls heat and power up to 2,000 times a second for superior vapor.
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>> larry: for sure. [cheers and applause] welcome back. i'm here with my panel. her new show "wong street journal" premieres in san francisco june 17th. comedian actress christina wong. and you can catch him at the atlanta improve june 4th-he sixth comedian jo koy. and my very funny comedian dan st. germain. okay. i want to talk about the controversy swirling yesterday over the movie "aloha." [laughing] >> well emma stone was casted as a half asian woman. maybe a quarter hawaiian or something. >> a quarter chinese. larry: okay. >> i think hawaiian is anything. filipino -- you eat spam you're
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hawaiian. >> larry: exactly. people were pissed about it. what do you [beep] think. >> i think the movie being a bomb is already an i'm sorry. i don't know what else you do. you go to amy tan's house. peter gabriel in the background. how does that work. >> larry: it's so hard to get rolls for certain groups. especially asian women to get leading rolls. >> such a failure as a movie. we would have been happy to take a [beep] part. that's all we get anyways. the evolution of my acting career has been japanese school girls, nail salon ladies and if i'm lucky a newscaster. i would have been happy. >> larry: i love that newscasters are the safe roll. >> i'm usually just drifter with nothing to lose. >> did he match up. i'm sure a bunch of asian
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actressed came in and they didn't do good. emma knocked it out of the park. >> larry: oh, emma. >> if you're an actor -- it's a devil's advocate. >> larry: emma stone is a star. of course. >> if she gets the part. if they gave it to an asian actress and did horribly. then the asian community would have said you should have casted emma stone. [laughing] she will take it for sure. what's wrong with you! >> is that how they -- >> yes. i'm being very racist. >> larry: you know exactly what would happen. >> if they casted an asian woman and the movie is doing what it's doing she would of been blamed for it you think the audience thinks it's a big deal? a lot of things the audience wants to see people who look like them and they want to see people they like. >> i think the only thing
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weirder than emma stone playing a asia is bradley cooper playing a straight guy. >> oh no. >> i know when i have a bio pic that -- that some great white actress plays me. >> larry: emma stone. >> emma stone. >> for me it's brett butler. larry: brett butler. great choice. >> i want you to play my father. >> if larry gets a bio pic, i'm playing you. i will crush. [laughing] [ applause ] >> larry: very good. i like that. >> you're welcome by the way. larry: sometimes i think we should have comic book nerds judge this. they get angry over who is casted. they were mad there was a black actor for the torch. anyone should be the torch it should be a brother, right.
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>> huh-uh. larry: it makes sense. i don't know why the nerds can't see that. >> you can't be a nerd and a racist. you can't be like a guy saying i can't believe a black person is playing the human torch and not know how to assemble a cross to put on someone's lawn. >> larry: no comic book nerds are not racist. they're just true to the truth. >> playing fire. you can be any color if you're playing fire. >> it's not like hey is he black? i'm out of here. >> larry: you ever heard the term colorblind casting. we're doing this casting colorblind. >> think that means everyone is white. everyone has a shot as a narrative. ever gets a shot at what it's like to be in love. get married, do things that
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people do. >> larry: we're going to take the culture and just -- >> i'm third again ration chinese-american. my mom was born in san francisco and doesn't have an accent. shocker. i know. that means there go half the jokes i'm suppose to tell. >> i deal with racism in my family. i'm half white, half asian. that means my dad was in the military. a lot of soldiers fight for this country. my dad went dating. i'm his purple heart. no i'm serious. when i was growing up he would say stuff to me. he's my white dad. he would say you know i married your mom. i love chinese food. wait she says she's philippine oh, whatever rice is rice. >> i mean we have to deal with
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it i have dealt with that growing up. i was half white, half asian in the 80s. you didn't see that back in the day. like these kids today everyone sees brown. like seeing the jabawakis perform i'm like these black guys can dance. they took the masks off i'm like they're sraoes vietnamese. then i turned asian. wow, they can dance, you're amazing. >> larry: it's never not ent
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♪don't, don't, don't, don't don't, don't, don't, don't♪ ♪don't bother me, i'm working♪ ♪don't bother me, i'm working♪ ♪don't, don't bother me♪ ♪can't you see?♪ ♪can't you see?♪ ♪i'm working, working, working♪ >> larry: that's our show. i want to thank our panelists. aloha and good nightly everyone. [cheers and applause] ♪


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