tv The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Comedy Central July 2, 2015 9:15am-9:49am PDT
comedy central from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) >> jon: hey, welcome to the daily show. (cheers and applause) >> jon: hey my name is jon stewart. my guest senator kristen gillibrand of the great state of new york. (cheers and applause) she is from what i understand, i don't know this officially the only government he lech tee that is not current-- electee not currently running pore president. in fact that is the subject of tonight's dem october lips 2015 10 pounds of
[bleep] in a 5 pound bag. that bag exploded metaphorically covering america in [bleep]. (laughter) folks, the election is i don't know, a year and a half away right? and it just won't stop. >> louisiana governor bobby jindal this morning is part of a not so exclusive club there are 17 major candidates running for president. >> jon: 17! only two more and we unlock subzero. (applause) ice ninja. obviously he's going to have to moderate his spine ripping for the general
election but it will help him in the primary. with this many candidates there's already a whiff of desperation for attention. >> hi i'm ted with harry shearer retiring i'm auditions for any part i can get in the simpsons. smithers release the hounds. hidely ho neighbor. >> but dad i am a vegetarian. >> but lisa animals are so delicious. (laughter) (cheers and applause) >> jon: that's the weirdest [bleep] thing i've ever seen. i have to give ted cruz credit. normally you have to wait until you are actually president to do that much damage to something america holds so dear.
i got to wonder how that played in springfield. >> no, i won't listen! >> ow my freaking ears. >> as always in politics the real contest though is to generate ideas that could help a candidate win over a majority of americas. >> there's already an on-line arsenal of goods attracting support ares an their cash. you've got a filibuster starter kit cruzies an marco polos. >> jon: they're selling lindsey graham crackers and also scott walkers. and of course dr. ben carson-ogenics. (laughter)
s that-- but how will hillary clinton answer. >> some barbecue fans might be interested in this grillary clinton that keeps your drinks cool this chillary clinton koozie packs. >> i think you want something a little harder than beer check out our stillary clinton moonshine. then when are you blind and drunk and angry, you can pick pick up our killary clinton murder kit which for some reason they put in a first aid box. that seems-- anti-thetical it is a murder kit and yet i would look at that and think to myself i bet there are band-aids in there and some neosporin not like murder stuff. that's why i'm not in marketing. 17 candidates are already in
the-- oh for [bleep] sake. >> new jersey governor chris christie is joining the presidential race. >> jon: why! why! why! (laughter) new jersey governor chris-officer chris-year surveyed an overstuffed field of mediocre candidates and thought oh i wouldn't [bleep] any one of those guys. and took to his alma mater in livington, new jersey to make his pitch. >> you're going to get what i think whether you like it or not. we need a tax system that is simplified and put cpas like my dad out of business. we need to fux a broken entitlement system. the horse sut o of the barn. we have to get it back in and you can only do it by force. (laughter)
>> jon: that got weird really fast. my platform is let's put my dad out of business and beat up that [bleep] horse there he is get him everybody. you're not getting away from us horse. in fact, i think we have some footage from christie's first campaign ad. what do do with chris christie and his desire to forcibly confine farm animals. first it's guesstational crates for pigs and he's like yeah don't let the pigs turn around and now it's horses. governor, will you not be satisfied until every food animal in the country is
imprisoned. (laughter) look we don't have to take chrisiest's word on what kind of president he would be. the residents of new jersey already answered that question like a couple of months ago. >> the polls in new jersey right now say by a 65% to 29% margin the new jersey voters say you would not make a good president. (laughter) >> jon: an let me remind you those people live in new jersey. so their expectations for good governance is always already just bottom bar incredibly d-- 65% of residents of chrisiest's home state think he would suck as president. let's hear some straight talk from chrisiest about what that means. >> a lot of those people, that 65% want me to stay and i heard that from lots of people in town hall don't leave to run for president because we want to you stay. >> jon: that is the saddest thing i have ever heard.
(laughter) no they think i would be great, they don't want me to leave-- no, she said she broke up with me because i'm too good for her. that's why. she said i deeverybodied someone better. that's why. her words not mine. she was all-- i'm not [bleep] your friend because i want to. it's-- here's your real problem, governor. this is straight talk. (laughter) all right. it's not that new jersians love you too much to let you go it's that you've already finished second in the loud northeastern ego maniac primer. >> unfortunately for cristie there's another unfiltered colourful character already in the gop field. >> politicians are all talk and no action. it's true. all talk it's all [bleep] ya.
>> jon: how far must christie have fallen to be unfavourably compared to a perfume selling escaulatoeur like done-- donald trump. under christie new jersey had credit downgraded eight times unemployment run rampant. the sandy rebuilding effort remains pathetic. he raided pensions after promising not to his a bon minutable exxon settlement not that the republicans will give a [bleep] about that stuff but he has crossed the line of republicans. >> he angered conservatives by embracing president obama in hurricane sandy. >> i got so mad at you six days before the 2012 election and you let the president come to new jersey. obama and christie walking arm in an arm along the jersey shore in the aftermath of hurricane sandy. >> and then there was the huling. >> there was no hug. >> there was a hug. >> that is why chris
christie will not win the republican primary. he made the unpardonable crime, treating barak obama like a person. that is the insurmountable campaign hurdle. a obama arrived to lend aid to your hurricane ravaged state, you shook his hand. why did you not slay him in a klingon honor dual. it's what ronald reagan would have done. we'll be right back. ♪ lookin' good, flo! feelin' good! feelin' real good! [ engine revs ]
senator, of the great state of new york please welcome back to the program senator kristen gillibrand come on! >> thank you. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: senator welcome once again to the program. >> thanks. >> stephen: you want to run for president? >> no. >> stephen: i think you may have to. isn't that a thingia-- what is in the water down there what is in the cafeteria that these guys all think you know, i'm going to be president. when not their whole state-- is fine. these guys are not even success envelope their home states and they hate me here you know where they wouldn't hate me everywhere else. >> i work well with many of them. and i hope many of them are still serving in the u.s. senate. >> stephen: you're the best.
so-- so they're not unbounded from reality or deludeed narcissistic ego maniacs who have no business not only legislating this country but being allowed to the outside wearing pants. >> well my job is to find common ground with them and get things done. >> jon: now you bring up an excellent point. how do you find common ground? (laughter) with them. >> well sometimes there are issues of conscience like the 9/11 health bill where you have to stand up and do the right thing. sometimes it's issues like ending rape on college campuses or military. >> jon: this is a per spec example. ending rape in the military and the 9/11 first responders. the idea that you have to figure out a way to find common ground-- let's talk about the 9/11.
because that one makes me so mad i can't even think straight. so when does that expire october? >> yes. and so it just is one of the police officers said in a hearing david said if we don't pass this people will die. >> jon: people have already died and they didn't pass it. >> yeah, yeah since 9/11 1700 people have died and we have nearly 4000 with horrible, horrible cancers. >> jon: more first responders have died since 9/11 from being on the pile from those diseases than 9/11. >> more cops have died since 9/11 than on 9/11 itself. >> jon: insane. so what is the resistance? walk me through this process because that is the thing i have trouble figuring out. what is the rezuses dance with just extending this bill in perpetuity like they did with the minors with black lungs like they have done with people exposed to radiation in nuclear tests what is the problem? be a senator that is pushing back on this. what would they say? >> well if you asked the 9/11 responder some who are
here right with us here. (applause) >> jon: they're here well done. >> bless them for their courage. so when they walk the halls of congress, which by the way they shouldn't have to. this is something members of congress should be doing for them, they answer the call of duty but when they go into these offices the first thing out of our members' mouths are how are you going to pay for it. why would you be asking men and women who answered the call of duty how they are going to pay for their health care. it's outrage us. where they will give a tax credit to any corporate entity and not pay for it because they want to but they ask these men and women who many gave their lives many are still giving their lives because they answer the call of duty. >> jon: out yaj-- outrageous on many levels. a when are you dealing with illness whether it be a cancer or respiratory or even ptsd the last thing you need to be doing is having to plop down to washington to advocate so we're forcing them to be in
a position where they have to be their own best advocates to the people of the government who should be the ones advocating for. first of all that is what we are making them do right? >> right. >> jon: who is against this give me a name? honestly like it's time to like take the covers off. this is such and pardon me bull [bleep]. >> yeah. >> jon: that its's insane. so who is it in the congress who would be against it, i want their names. >> well the fight is not over and i am hoping that we pass this bill unanimously unanimously. and we need to get-- . >> jon: but not a five year thing not where they have to feel uncertain about their health future. >> so the pushback today is oh we would like to just have a five year bill this would be a permanent bill. >> jon: yes. >> when you go work at a nuclear site and your health care is covered forever. it's permanent there are many things like this. >> jon: why is bombing countries not pay as you go. why do they not have to have an easy pass every time-- i
know, you know you like to think this is grand standing it's demagogue ree but it's not because there are real sitting senators who are blocking this. >> well give me a name of a guy doing the right thing. >> susan colins lisa murkowski. >> jon: doing the right thing. >> who else. >> mark burke. >> jon: he's doing the right thing tom cotton is doing the right thing and that guy he's [bleep] nuts. and he's doing the right thing right. >> yes. >> jon: we're going to take a commercial break and talk-- we're not leting this go this time. because this one honestly is the most galling example of a legislature removed from the purpose of their job and from the patriotism flag that they wave so heartily when it serves
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children. i would ask you to refrain from that kind of salty talk. >> sorry. >> jon: when is the vote for this bill. >> we're hoping to have it right around september 11th. so if you want to do something, call your congress member call your senator. please call them. frackly the only time anything ever works in washington is when regular people stand up and demand action. so your voice matters please be heard on this issue. (cheers and applause) >> jon: let's schedule a call and let's schedule a ritual shaming around that time. for whoever it is i obviously at that point will be knee deep in more than likely grain alcohol. what's the next thing that you want to get done. >> well, i am working hard on also ending campus sexual assault and working hard on actually passing a paid leave program for the entire united states for all workers that can make sure that family members. >> the only-- it is also
papua new guinea. the only industrialized country in the world that doesn't have paid leave so whether you have a spouse that's ill or parent that died or a new child families need flexibility so you don't have to quit your job. you can stay on course and not lose that place in your business and not lose that training. >> jon: where did we lose the thread is our government just too big to manage. is that the problem. just everything just slips out of the thing. i don't understand. what is the issue? >> the issue is people in congress are in a bubble. and they don't have a lot of empathy for regular working families. >> is it like at a certain point you just think are they like rapacious social darwinian caricatures of ville answers i almost think are they dickensian scrooge. i don't mind people going responsible with taxpayer money, that's important to manage efficiencies. but this idea of lifk food stamps, you know then everybody is just going to go out and buy shrimp and sit around and drink maita,.
>> yes, it's a lack of empathy. and most members of congress don't even realize if are you on the minimum wage are you under the poverty line. >> jon: do you think they have mental problems? >> no i think they are out of touch. i think most members are out of touch and they do not know what it is like for regular working americans. >> jon: is it cynical are they manipulating a grievance industry amongst voters that and play into that as the voters as victims of this entitlement culture or do they truly believe it or it a more cynical exercise in politics. >> i think it's cynicism personally. and what we see in the paid leave issue most members of congress are feeling affluence. they don't know what it is like to not have any child care at home or to not be able to take time off if someone in their family is ill. >> jon: they earned it on their own, like only they have earned it. all you have to do is pick yourself up out of poverty and despair and then you could be in the senate and if i give you food stamps that's going to send a very
bad message to you that you get to eat. and that's you know -- >> yeah it's outrageous. >> jon: i have to tell you. it's crazy outrageous. do you ever-- you don't have to answer this. do you ever punch anybody? like with just in their office and be just be like oh i'm so sorry. i have to deck you. (laughter) >> no, no, no. >> jon: okay. senator, it's always a pleasure. >> my pleasure. (cheers and applause) >> jon: kristen gillibrand. new lipton sparkling iced tea. ♪ refreshing tea infused with light, crisp, tiny bubbles. for a taste that lifts you up.
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captioning sponsored by comedy central >> larry: tonightly, president obama expands overtime pay. now five million american workers will get to fight over who tase late with weird keith. keith. ( laughter ) the d.o.j. says ferguson cops should not have used tear gas on last summer's michael brown protesters. still waiting for the d.o.j. to give us get-ahead on tear gassing don lemon. ( applause ) what? what! like you don't want to do that. there's been a rash of church burnings. who's been starting the