tv The Daily Show Comedy Central August 25, 2015 11:00pm-11:32pm PDT
yeah. i love you all. i don't know how to spell. but i made that. love, lillian. anyone want to sketch me? (woman) i'll try. - could you get that? - oh, okay, thank you. ♪ ooh, them haters hot now ♪ them haters hot now >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ( cheers and captioning sponsored by comedy central applause ) >> jon: welcome "the daily show." thank you. thank you. thank you. we-- we have a very good show tonight, very, very good show tonight because of our guest. we are visited today fortunately by malala yousafzai, who is one of our favorites. she a young woman.
( cheers and applause ) who is a nobel peace prize recipient, which i think is apropos for today. you know, i have to-- i have-- i have one job, and it's a pretty simple job. i come in, in the morning, and we look at the news, and i write jokes about it. and then i make a couple of faces, and-- like a-- like a noise like a rer. and then it's just cha-ching and i'm out the door. ( laughter ) but i didn't do my job today so i apologize. i got nothing are you in terms of like jokes and sounds because of what happened in south carolina. and maybe if i wasn't nearing the end of the run or this wasn't such a common occurrence, maybe i could have pulled out of the spiral, but i didn't. and so i honestly have nothing other than just sadness once again that we have to peer into the abyss of the depraved
violence that we do to each other and the nexus of a just gaping racial wound that will not heal, yet we pretend doesn't exist. and i'm confident, though, that by acknowledging it, by staring into that and seeing it for what it is, we still won't do jack ( bleep ). yeah. that's us. and that's the part that blows my mind. i don't want to get into the political argument of the guns and things-- what-- what blows my mind is the disparity of response between when we think people that are foreign are going to kill us and us killing ourselves. if this had been what we thought was islamic terrorism, it would fit into our-- we invade tiger woodinininvadedtwo countries ans
of dollars and american lives and fly unmanned death machines over five or six different countries, all to keep americans safe. we got to do whatever we can-- we'll torture people. we gotta do whatever we can to keep americans safe. nine people shot in the church. what about that? hey, what are you gonna do? crazy is as crazy sright? that's the part that i cannot, for the life of me, wrap my head around, and you know it. you know that it's going to go down the same path-- this is a terrible tragedy-- they're already using the nuanced language of lack of effort for this. this is a terrorist attack. this is a violent attack on the emanuel church in south carolina, which is a symbol for the black community. it has stood in that part of
charleston for 100 and some years and has been attacked viciously many times, as many black churches have. and to pretend that-- i heard someone on the news today, "tragedy has visited this church." this wasn't a tornado. this was a racist. this was a guy with a rhodesia badge on his sweater. you know, so the idea that-- you know, i hate to even use this pun, but this one is black and white. there's no nuance here. ( applause ) this is-- and we're going to keep pretending like, "i don't get it. what happened? this one guy lost his mind." but we are steeped in that culture in this country and we refuse to recognize it, and i cannot believe how hard people are working to discount it. in south carolina, the roads that black people died on are named for confederate generals
who fought to keep black people from being able to drive freely on that road. that's-- that's insanity. that's racial wallpaper. that's-- you can't allow that, you know. nine people were shot in a black church by a white guy who hated them, who wanted to start some kind of civil war. the confederate flag flies over south carolina, and the roads are named for confederate generals, and the white guyate one who feels like his country is being taken away from him. we're bringing it on ourselves. and that's the thing. al qaeda, all those guys, isis, they're not ( bleep ) compared to the damage that we can apparently do to ourselves on a regular basis. so our guest tonight is an incredible person who suffered
unspeakable violence by extremists, and her perseverance and determination through that to continue on is an incredible inspiration, and to be quite honest with you, i don't think there's anyone else in the world i would rather talk to tonight than malala. so that's what we're going to do. and sorry about no jokes. ( applause ) ( cheers ) howdy, folks, it's me, colonel sanders. (laughter) hey! that's not the real colonel sanders!
i'm the real colonel sanders! and this is how you sell chicken. howdy, folks! it's me, the real colonel sanders. i'm back to tell you about my new $20 family fill up meal. it's a treasure chest of delicious home style cookin' but served in containers, not treasure chests. (laughter) (door squeaking) it's finger lickin' good. hey, so what are you heyup to tonight?an? ah, nothing much. just something like a little karaoke thing. well, let's hear some. no, right here? ♪carry on my wayward son. ♪there will be peace when you are done.♪ so, nope. you know the rest. thank you. i go on at 9. or 9:30, sometimes they run late. carry on! as long as you are you, it's miller time. lily, may i call you lily? i don't really know what else you'd ca- lily, i want an iphone, with a great data plan to share pictures of this smile.
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( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight, she is a student still, also a nobel peace prize, cofounder of the malala fund. the subject of a forthcoming documentary. we're delighted to show you a trailer. it's called "they named me malala." >> they thought the bullet would silence her. im the same malala. i'm still 17, still a teenager.
this is my youngest brother. he's a really good boy. this is the laziest one. when i think of home, i miss the dirty streets. i miss my friends. i just want to see this one. my father said, "you have forgiven the taliban?" i want people to learn from the feelings i had. i am those 66 million girls who are deprived of education. i'm not a lone voice. i am many. and our voices are our most powerful weapons. one child, one teacher, one book, and one thing, they can change the world. ( applause ) >> jon: please welcome back to the program malala yousafzai. ( cheers and applause )
nice to see you. >> nice to see you, too. >> jon: i feel better already. >> oh, thank you, thank you so much. >> jon: it's been a rough day. what's your take on humanity these days-- pro or against? where do you have us? >> well, it is really tragic news what happened, and i have seen these kinds of situations in my life when there's no justice, when there's no human feelings, and there's no humanity, and for a second you think that no one has feelings at all. but we are-- our prayers are with the families and we pray for peace.
we pray for the prosperity of everyone. >> jon: it's interesting you said something in the film which is one voice. and there are many voices, and i think the easy thing to forget is how easy it is for darkness to wreak havoc and to forget we're really much more surrounded by light and by education. now, are you still in school? >> yes. i have just my exams. i don't know what you call it. >> jon: the g.s.e.? are you in college? are you in high school? >> i've been two years to college. >> jon: still two years until college? >> yes. >> jon: you might want to work on your resume, because a lot of challenges now are really-- you may get very good test scores. i'm not in any way saying that you're not going to get good test scores, but you also need some extracurriculars. ( laughter ) within that, i mean, the peace prize is going to get you so
good, but there is-- ( laughter ). >> no, i have about it. i'm going to have work experience for a week and get good grades. i have one month exam and i worked so hard. >> jon: how long? >> one month. >> jon: the exam was one month log? >> 12th of may to 12th of june. >> jon: for school? can i tell you what our schools do here in america? ( laughter ) where they take-- i think it's, like, a half a day of tests and then they show "aqeela and the bee." >> i wish i was here. i wish i was here. >> jon: no. it's interesting, when i watched the film, you can't help but-- in some ways, the world has been somewhat unfair to you, in that it has placed a burden upon you that i think is-- that you are somehow an ethereal creature that must save us. and i think what's nice about
the film is to see you as-- you say yourself as i'm an ordinary girl maybe representing thousands and thousands of ordinary girls whose courage is the same in pakistan and all over the world as they just strive for an education. is that how you feel about it? >> i think i have this opportunity to raise my voice, and i believe that it's not just-- i'm not just representing myself but i am speaking up for all girls who are deprived of education. there are about 66 million girls, and i think i'm speaking up for them. and sometimes people do things that it has been forced upon me or i haven't chosen this life, but the reality is i have chosen this life. and fiwouldn't have liked it, i could have said no and would have said i don't want to come out and speak again. but i do feel a responsibility, and i do feel that it's my duty to say what's right, and it's not that-- sometimes we wait for others and thinking that martin luther should raise among us, nelson mandela should raise up
among us and speak up for us, but we never realize there are normal humans like us, and if we step forward we can also bring change just like them. >> jon: no, it's inspiring, although i have to think-- you have two brothers. >> yes. >> jon: are you the oldest? >> yes, i am the oldest. >> jon: and i have to think for them to come home and say, "i got in the school play!" ( laughter ) and then you could just be like, "is it about, i don't know, being award a nobel peace prize?" and you can taunt them. and it's clear in the film, you enjoy taunting them. ( laughter ) >> i think they should be nice to me. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> jon: yes, i think that's true. the little one has a-- there's a very, very funny-- you two seem to have a very playful relationship. >> yes, and in the trailer, i
praised him but i'm kind of regretting why i praised him, because he is getting kind of not a good brother. >> jon: really? he's a little naughty. the older brother seemed to be-- he was known as want lazy one in the clip. but the little one you felt was very good, a little bit naughty. he's going full-blown naughty? >> yes. >> jon: and what i love about what you do is you love your country. and you love your religion, and you're not looking to-- you're looking to just speak for people who want an education. >> definitely. i have true love for my country, and when i got the nobel peace prize... when he was going back to his country, india, going back to the u.k., so my mother was really sad, and she even cried that we don't have the opportunity to go back to our country. so i'm hopeful we will get this chance to see our country, to see our land, to see our people.
and i think it's such a precious thing in your life that you are on your land and you are with your people, with your relatives, with your friends. and i think whoever has this opportunity should be thankful, and we hope to see our land. >> jon: the footage is beautiful. it looks like a sort of magical place. >> do you still think it's as beautiful as new jersey? ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> jon: you know, i have to say, i didn't realize you were paying attention during the last interview. so now, now i have to think back to all the terrible things i said. we're going to come back-- i want to talk to you about the education work, especially, the stuff in the film especially in africa. we're going to come back more with malala yousafzai, right after this. after this. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ turn up the summer with bacardi limón. try the all new bacardi tangerine.
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about the millions of people-- there's a lot in the film of you visiting these schools. education is something that is a generational benefit, and will take time. do you get impatient sometimes with the progress of it? or do you see enough that it lifts you enough to keep going? >> i do get depressed when i see that there are millions of children deprived of education, only at the primary level, and then there are girls, brilliant girls who can-- who have big dreams but they don't have the opportunity to get education. so it is disappointing, but when you see brilliant girls who have this courage to stand up for their rights, like mozoun, a refugee who now lives in jordan. and she's a wonderful girl, and i have met her, and now she is helping girls and boys in her community, in the camp she's living, to go to school.
and she's encouraging them. i have met many girls in nigeria when i went there to raise my voice for the kidnapping in nigeria. i met brilliant girls there as well. and from pakistan. so it's really nice to see them speaking. and i always encourage, wherever i go, i encourage children and people that they should not wait for someone else to speak up for them. it's-- their voices are really powerful and they should speak up for their rights. >> jon: it's so interesting when you were in-- and i can't remember exactly where it was, it might have been in nigeria, where you were talking to a bunch of school girls and school boys and who wants to be a lawyer, who wants to be a doctor? and someone would raise their hand-- a variety of them-- and i think you said or maybe your father said, "who among you has parents who are educated, who have been to school?" >> no. >> jon: not one, not one hand. this is really the first generation in many of these areas that have ever been exposed to this.
>> so it was really disappointing when i went to kenya that these girls, they have this dream to go to school. they wish for nothing else, and this ambition to hav help their community, to help people, but when you look at the problems in society that are stopping them, it's really disappointing. in some places they don't have enough money. in some places, education is not free. in some places, there are cultural issues. so that's why we are now kind of telling the world leaders, asking them, 12 years of education should be made free, and it is our demand for sustainable development growth, and i hope when the world leaders, when they come together, and they make these calls, they need to think about the education of children. and it's not just their education. it's their future -- >> and our future. >> definitely. >> jon: without them, it doesn't work. it's so interesting-- boy, you don't hold back. you met with president barack
obama, and told him, drone strikes, no bueno. and when you went to nigeria and said, "good luck, jonathan, you have to do more and you have to listen to your people." and you can almost see, you know, there's the footage and and he is no longer the leader. he really was kind of taken aback. and it was beautiful in the very concise honesty. >> yes, i think you have to sometimes ignore all the formal stuff and tell the truth. >> jon: boy, you really are a teenager. that is what they do, i think. >> yes. so be straightforward and tell the truth. this is going wrong. and i think it's important for the world leaders to think their decision, what's the impact of their decisions on common people and who is-- who gets affected. >> jon: right. >> and all these wars, conflicts, innocent people, they get killed, get injured, they become homeless, they become migrants. and it's tragic because they
have to suffer for their whole life, so now i think the world leaders need to be quite serious now. >> jon: and even going and just bearing witness to their-- to their despair i think is important because they do-- you know, in syria, they had a life, and this conflict-- there are millions that have had to flee. they were shopkeepers and accountant and dentists and now they live in a desert and they have to know they're not forgotten. >> definitely. in some countries they are not even given identity. they are not even-- they're not even send as refugees. it's really tragic. and i think rather than-- rather than we thinking they should be helped, i think we ourselves should come forward and we should help them and we should also ask the world leaders, all the countries that they should take it serious. >> jon: normally this is the part i would turn to the camera and promote whatever unstallment of "jurassic world"
you are promoting and the name of your organization-- >> the malala fund. >> jon: the malala fund. and people can get involved. >> definitely. and i would ask all my friends, all my sisters and brothers, you have already supported us a lot, and support us more so we can help more children. and girls in nigeria, so they can go forward. they can get their education, and they can raise their voice. >> jon: i have to tell you that you are a wonderful tonic for-- i felt somewhat desparing today, but i think your single mindedness has helped lift a bit of that fog for me, and i really thank you for that, even though that is not your responsibility to do that. but thank you. it will be in theaters. and www.malala.org. malala yousafzai, thank you. malala yousafzai, thank you. ( applause )
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freedom from sin, freedom to be full what god intended uss to be, and to have tonightly -- hackers threaten to release the names on adultery website ashley madison. here's what 90% of guys just heard me say: "hey, there's an adultery website called ashley madison?!" (laughter) the loyal knights of the klan and the black panthers clash at dueling rallies in south carolina. the only way this could have gone worse? a duel between actual knights and panthers. (laughter) the kkk was rallying to reraise the confederate flag. hey, assholes, you lost. get over it. (laughter) this is "the nightly show." let's do this! (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by cody
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