tv The Daily Show Comedy Central October 22, 2015 1:33am-2:06am PDT
share it with the world. southern-style breaded all-white meat chicken on a gourmet signature bun. the homestyle ranch chicken club. great change comes from doing the right thing. like the radical idea that health isn't an industry. it's a cause. so we do things differently. we combine care and coverage. and believe prevention is the most powerful of cures. so forgive us for not going with the flow. we just think the flow should go with us. which makes us rebels with one cause. your health. well, at least the mayor decided not to dissolve the police department. yeah, i wonder why. let's just say i was able to broker a deal. now, if you'll excuse me, i'm late for my thrice weekly... lunch with the mayor.
but you just ate 20 minutes ago. i know. the things i do for moonbeam city. ah, lunchtime. hey, why are you going into that supply closet? [door closes] do they serve food in there? pizzaz. here you go. sorry i burned the clothes, and the jewelry kind of all melted together into a big clump. oh, how'd it go? pretty terribly. i did severe damage to almost every major system in my body and was almost killed several times. - sorry to hear that, kid. - thanks. do you think i could maybe keep the mustache? sure. thanks. ah ha ha ha ha ha. ah hah hah hah hah hah hah! ah hah-hah-hah-hah-hah hah-hah-hah! chirp. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york,
this is the daily inthoa trevor noah. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> trevor: yeah! welcome to the daily show. i'm trevor noah. my guest tonight, star of the new movie "room" brie larson is here, everybody. (applause) but first the big news today, the media has been in a frenzy the past few weeks trying to predict whether or not vice president joe biden would, in fact, be running for nonvice president. at the level of hype that can only be described as bad [bleep]. >> the big question, is vice president joe biden running for president. >> is scwoa biden in or out. >> all indications are internally that all systems are go. >> joe's not going to run. >> joe biden will get in, i'm quite confident. >> a frenzy of speculation. >> hang on his every words. >> a serious waiting game and democrats are sort of biting their nails, many of them are on edge. >> trevor: they're biting
their nails. they're on edge. it sounds like they're coming off a drug trip, that's what it sounds like. come on, man, you got some of that biden, man, come on. i need some of that delaware white, man. i'll-- your district, man. but today after all that excitement, we finally got our answer. >> joe biden announcing just moments ago that he will not run for the presidency in 2016. >> unfortunately, i believe we're out of time. the time necessary to mount a winning campaign for the nomination. >> trevor: oh. you wanted to run a winning presidential campaign. i thought were you just going to do your usual thing. oh. biden's announcement is big news for the rest of the democratic field, especially the frontrunner. go quickly to hillary clinton campaign headquarters for their reaction.
>> they seem excited. for more on biden declaring he's not running we go to senior campaign correspondent roy wood, jr., everybody. (applause). >> trevor: roy, what do you make of this announcement? >> trevor, after months of speculation, i think joe biden's message today was crystal clear. he's running for president.> trevor: well, no, roy, the guy literally just said he was done. >> jay-z said he was done and then he put out four more albums. >> trevor: joe biden is not jay-z. >> he's the jay-z of delaware. his secret service name is half-- . >> trevor: i don't think that's true. why can't you accept that bideni isn't running any more. >> because if we accept biden's not running there's nothingñi ee to talk about. it's just a long slow death march to the hillry nomination.
how exciting is that going to be? i've been on her tour bus. there's no tvs, trevor. it's just signed copies of hard choices and empty car tons of activia. >> trevor: roy, roy, don't get down. there's still plenty of excitement left. i mean who knows, bernie sanders could win the nomination. (applause) >> shut up, trevor. >> trevor: i'll take that as a yes. roy wood, jr., everyone. (cheers and applause) now as you probably know if you use the gregorian calender, today is october 21s, 2015. also known as the date to which marty mcfly travels forward in time, to save his family and play video games with elijah wood. happy back to the future day, everyone. yeah.
turns out that 1989 movie got a lot of things right about the future it correctly predicted biometric identification. wearable technology, and donald trump's presidency. the most amazing prediction back to the future made though, i just noticed it today. can we zoom in on that story on the side there. look at that. paul ryan may accept speaker position. oh my god! how did they know! >> there could be a breakthrough this morning in the search for a new speaker of the house. >> the search for a new house leader has been in turmoil ever since john boehner announced he was stepping down. >> gop leaders wanted paul ryan to take over as speaker of the house. the former vice presidential candidate resisted at first. >> paul ryan says he is willing to serve as speaker of the house. but there is a big but here. >> trevor: there say big but-- well, i wouldn't call it a big but. so much as a firm "but."
sure you could bounce a quarter off it. you could probably use it as your marble counselor top and eat a sandwich off of it. and you know when paul ryan does that thing-- i'm sorry, what were we taking about. sorry, sorry, sorry. oh yeah, speaker of the house. of course. ed job no republican wants because the party is soñi fractured. including paul ryan. he was definitely out of the running. but now he might be back in. what changed his mind? >> my greate worry is the consequence of not stepping up. of some day having my own kirds ask me, when the stakes were so high, why didn't you do all you could do. why didn't you stand and fight for my future when you had a chance to do so. >> trevor: do you really think this is what your kids are going to be asking you in the future. and what is your reply, what can i say, kids. back in 2015 i honestly thought the future hinged on who would be house speaker. not the fight against climate change. now get your scuba gear on and come down to dinner.
(cheers and applause) so the gop may have been saved by the man from the midwest and they were very, very grateful. >> we need a bold leader that can unite republicans. do i think paul ryan can do that? >> absolutely. >> i'm in with paul. he is the right person at the right time. >> there was overwhelming applause. i disn see anyone booing. >> trevor: yeah. that's where the republican party is right now. a successful meeting is when you don't get booed. nobody booed. nobody puked. nobody punched through the press room wall. and nobody pulled out a traditional japanese sword and disemboweled themselves. ya-- oh, wait, one guy did still a successful meeting! but here is why paul ryan is so bril yantd. he knows how much these people need him. and he's not going to come cheap. >> first he's got a list of demandzs. >> he will only run for speaker if inin-- everyone in the house unites behind him on the republican side. >> he says he wants changes for how the party can fire a
speaker. >> eliminating the ability of house members to remove the speaker with a simple majority vote. >> and the last point, last point is personal. i cannot and i will not give up my family time. >> trevor: damn, paul ryan going ham. i haven't seen a list of demand this crazy since the ten commandments. thou shallt not murder. what am i going to do with people i don't like? for more we go to senior correspondent jessica williams, everybody. jess, you think that conservatives will be able to meet paul ryan's list of demands. >> well, trevor, i hope they can cuz when they are done with those, i just got a new list. >> trevor: wait, paul ryan actually wants more? >> oh yeah, definitely. before he accepts a job as speaker paul ryan wants a protein shake found taib. -- found taifnl he wants a family sets of segues. to be on the cover of men's health magazine forever.
it looks like a helicopter tore get to mexico in case things go sour. and oh my gosh, for some reason a sephora shopping spree with beyonce and nikki minaj for me. >> i was in the sephora spree, that all seems doable for the republicans. >> he also wants to get his own theme song. >> trevor: that is easy to do. >> written and performed by all four of the beatles. >> trevor: jessica, two of them are dead. >> if they really want paul ryan to be the speaker, the gop is going to have to ♪ come together ♪ right now ♪ and dig up those dead beatles ♪ >> trevor: thank you, jessica. jessica williams, everybody. we'll be right back. technology empowers us to achieve more. it pushes us to go further. special olympics has almost five million athletes in 170 countries. the microsoft cloud allows us to immediately
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one blood mary served at a perfect 98.6 degrees. some drinks are hardly refreshing. naw dowg, i'm good. this party is dead. i love it. redd's wicked apple and new black cherry. refreshingly hard. >> trevor: welcome back. turn on the news and will you see much that is appalling. but tonight jordan clepper sets out to find a different kind of story. >> reporter: the news today is depressing and sad. >> what a roller coaster day on wall street. >> but who is to say there is not a story out there that can make you feel good. i'm jordan klepper and i'm going to go out there and get a happy ending. i had head to illinois to celebrate lottery winner susan and danny who recommend won $250,000. >> what made you buy a ticket that day? >> i usually buy one every once in a while when i get coffee.
>> he is an avid lottery player, okay. i mean he can't pass a gas station without getting a scratchoff ticket. >> so you get this winning ticket. >> got a picture of me holding the ticket. >> let me see that picture. >> this is the moment, this is you holding the winning lottery ticket. >> yup. >> seriously, danny? >> i'm all excited in that picture. >> this is you all excited. >> yup. >> i mean could you have won $250,000 or been indicted on vehicle lar man slaughter. so what was it like to cash that first big check. walk me through those emotions. >> we didn't get the cash yet. >> that's right, dreams coming true. hold it, did they just say they didn't get paid? >> we got an iou. >> you got an iou. >> and then you got the money. >> we haven't gotten the money. they will not release the funds until the illinois budget crisis is settled. >> what the [bleep] turns out illinois' locked in a budget standoff between republican
governor and the democratic legislature. leaving precious state funds frozen and danny and susan [bleep] out of luck. >> like you know, winning a ravel and not getting the prize or having a christmas with absolutely no prentds. >> or like winning the lottery and not getting paid. it's exactly like that. >> that's exactly what happened. >> it is heightened situation. excuse me for one second. change of plans. screw it i'm going to get my happy ending. susan and danny's money can't wait for the illinois legislature and governor to get off their asses and agree on a budget. so i'm going trait straight to the governor's office to get them to sign this check that guarantees-- that guarantees susan and danny their money.
sure they're going to try to stop me. but i'm on a mission. in seconds i was through. turns out a fat ass check can get new just about anywhere. >> is the governor in. >> no. >> unless you ri cam camera ryu. >> what is your name. >> jordan klepper. >> they won the lottery, so trying to get this thing endorsed withness what was your name again. >> jordan. >> i have jordan here from the daily show. >> i can't get anybody to sign this check. >> no. >> okay. all right. well, if the governor is not going to sit down with me then how am i supposed to get my feel-good story. >> you got anything? please? >> we got a lot of-- going. >> there could be something going in that. that's kind of the american dream. >> to the government,ity's take it i went to meet up with the man who just might restore my faith in america. small headed attorney tom
glirmman. >> all right, i'm just here to tell a feel-good story. can you, tom, please, give me a happy ending. >> there's 29 people involved in this situation right now who are not paid their winnings. and that totals about $288 million. >> but i said a feel good story. give me some sunshine. a rainbow on my. >> i'm sorry, jordan, i can't give you a flush story. that is the way things are in illinois. >> it sounds pretty illinoisy. >> it is. >> see what i did there? word play, just things, levitt to the situation. >> we don't find humaner in this story. it's a very sad situation. here in illinois. and people are suffering as a result. >> he's right. turns out this budget impasse is freezing funds for mental health, the elderly, training for cops and at-risk youthment but if there is one thing that america is founded upon it's the principle that if you play the lottery and win the lottery you get the [bleep] money, goddamn
it and to have this happen in theu s of a, i can't imagine anything worls. >> the state is still selling lottery tickets. they're still selling lottery tickets. >> all the while knowing they would not pay out. and that's fraud. >> but who is buying these tickets? >> i'm still buying tickets. >> danny, are you kidding me? >> no. >> but, but you of all people should know. >> yairks i should know but-- it is supposed to be the dream, you hit the lottery, make your life better. but i guess not. >> there is the saddest happy ending i have ever been a part of. lot ree winners left with nothing but ious. well, not on my watch. tonight winners are actually going to get treated like winners. there you go. >> there we go. >> we're talking high end shopping. >> skszy outfits.
top notch makeovers and the finest of fine dining. paid completely-- what is the damage. >> in ious. if anyone's got a problem with that, take it up with the illinois government jagoffs in charge of this mess. now there's your happy ending. now there's your happy ending. jordan klepper, everyone, we'll so i need to collect your phones so you can't post pictures. [screams] okay, how does it feel to not be connected? my chest hurts. well let me give you your phones back. [laughing] let me show you a better way to keep connected. the 2016 chevy cruze offers built in 4g lte wi-fi ® that connects up to seven devices.
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>> that is not what the doctor said. you don't know what he said because it was a confidential conversation and you done know what he said. >> all right, all rights are, all right. >> it's impossible to talk to you right now. >> sorry wants no, you're not sorry. >> yeah, i'm not sorry, you have no idea what is going on in my head. >> well, try me. >> i have asked you. >> and then what, then every time you look at me, that's all that you see. >> when i look at you, joy, i will see my daughter. >> please welcome brie larson. (applause) welcome. >> hi! (applause) >> i got a lot to live up to after that clip. i feel like i need to apologize. >> trevor: you know what, it seems like such a heavy movie. and i watched it knowing nothing about it. >> yeah. >> trevor: and it's actually a beautiful story. it's a really cool feel-good
story. i mean you basically are a stay at home mom, right, that is what you are. >> yeah, pretty much, in a way, that's exactly right. you got it right. just a very crumby apartment. i don't do much for myself. the man just brings home the goods and i just-- we just live off of that. >> for those-- . >> trevor: for those who don't know, some people know what is happening here but this is a story-- i can feel that. i will elaborate. this san insane story. i guess i relate to this to the story in austria but the thing happened in i think it was cleveland, wasn't it. >> yup. >> trevor: where a woman was trapped in a basement by a man and for years nobody knew that she was. there this is an instain story. i felt sorry for you when i saw you. >> i know, i konlt make eye contact. he walked in, he was like thank you very much for coming. >> trevor: i feel like you are a survivor, that is how i felt. >> well, that is very nice, but
survived what, the making of a movie. >> trevor: which is very difficult. >> it is very, very hard. like i cannot believe you made it through. >> trevor: how do you prepare for this? do you-- do you stay in a room for a long time? >> yes, yeah, you set your accept for any type of situation so that you can really live it. no you just, with this type of thing you look to experts to help you out. so i spoke with a drama specialist. i spoke way doctors and nutritionists to try and figure out how her mind and her body would react to this type of situation. because it's just so bizarre. >> trevor: after being locked in a room and not receiving food. >> yeah, i mean, i personally haven't gone through that and i didn't know anybody in my life who had gone through that. so you kind of have to look to other people. >> trevor: i know hungry people where i am from. >> i should have asked about it. i'm sorry, i didn't know that i had such a good resource. >> trevor: now you know. come to me. >> the next time. >> trevor: hungry resources. >> personally, i didn't know what it would be like to like
not brush your teeth for seven years what does that look like what does that feel like. >> trevor: in the story, it's amazing, not just from yourself but for a lot of the movie t is yourself and your son in the film, played by tremblai. >> i can't tell if you just said it two different ways-- (laughter). >> trevor: jay cobb. >> jay cobb, sounds tbreat. >> trevor: sounds good. people say in hollywood, don't work with kids and animals s that true? >> yeah, that's what they say. but i never listen to that advice. we also have a dog in the movie. so i guess i-- . >> trevor: you went everything. >> i go against it all. >> trevor: it was amazing. >> i believe no rules. let's break outside of the box. let's do movies only with children and dogs. >> trevor: but movies that are inside the box.
>> but do movies that are inside a box. >> inside a box, outside of the box to rethink the box. >> trevor: he was amazing, you were amazing. >> thank you. >> trevor: the story is such a beautiful, it's a wonderful piece that you played in this. did you cry when you watched it. >> i actually cried when jay cobb see-- the dog, i just lost it it is one of the very few things i wasn't there for. that was one moment that i wasn't there on set. and so i just-- his little, he has this smirk that is just-- it just kills meevment you kind of see it a little bit in that clip, maybe. but every time i see his face i want to cry. >> trevor: he's amazing. he is going to be great. i hope he follows your path because you were a child actress who is now a functioning human being. >> true, very, very true. >> trevor: so i hope that he follows your path and continues. >> the big difference though is i didn't start working until about two years ago. so he's got way more credits
than i did. we'll see. >> trevor: but he's also not up for an oscar or is he? >> he might be. no one is up for oscars now. let's not start rumors. >> trevor: i think you-- if you are not getting an oscar, i'm going to protest, yes. >> protest, what? >> trevor: the fact that you haven't been nominated for an oscar. i think it is oscar worthy. >> should we go to d.c. . >> trevor: i will lock myself in a room and not eat any food and stay in the room with a dog and a little child until you win that oscar. >> very good. so you are going to change careers completely and become david blain, is basically what-- . >> trevor: that's exactly what i am going to do." room "is playing in select stis, brie larson, everybody. you're amazing. (applause) heyoooo. one blood mary served at a perfect 98.6 degrees. some drinks are hardly refreshing. naw dowg, i'm good. this party is dead. i love it. redd's wicked apple and new black cherry. refreshingly hard.
who says families have to share data? these guys, that's who but at t-mobile you can get four lines with up to 10 gigs of 4g lte data, each no sharing and just $30 bucks a line 10 gigs for each and every one of you we'll even pay your family's switching fees up to $650 bucks per line so you can get 10gigs for all, today and it's only from t-mobile >> trevor: thank you so much for watching the show, here it is, your moment of glen. >> you take the flu x capacitier. >> just stick your face out, that is good. >> wait a second, that is not brian. >> brian is dressed up like