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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  December 14, 2015 9:51am-10:22am PST

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>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! (cheers and applause) ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central >> trevor: thank you so much! welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! our guest tonight, u.s. secretary of labor tom perez is joining us, everybody! (cheers and applause) but first up, donald trump. (laughter) donald trump. (laughter) >> and we put out a statement a little while ago and these people are going crazy. shall i read you the statement? donald j. trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of muslims entering the united states until our country's
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representatives can figure out what the hell is going on! (cheers and applause) >> trevor: and just like that, donald trump took the place of young black males of the new yorker least likely to be able to hale a cab. (laughter) (applause) where are you going? oh, you! no, no, no. black guy, bronx, let's go. so, like a pokeémon, donald trup has evolved into an even more gruesome form of himself, this time saying we should ban all muslims from entering america. let's just take a second to think about what he said here. republican presidential frontrunnefrunrunner donald j. o ban every single person from the world's second largest religion from entering the united states
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of america -- every doctor, every scientist and even zayne malik. (laughter) you really want to miss off one direction fans? really? you want a real insurgency on your hands? i'm starting to get a sense this may not be a well thought out plan. >> how does it work at the border, donald. the customs agent would ask the person their religion. >> they would probably say, are you muslim. >> and if they said yes, they would not be allowed in the country? >> that is correct. >> trevor: wait a minute... that's it? that's the entirety of your plan? you ask a question and that's your protection against potential terrorism? yeah, that would be the greatest airport ever. i can see it now. sir, welcome to the united states of america. are you ready for the trump test? please name santa's reindeer. uh... rudolph?
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everybody knows that one. another. >> prancer? lucky guess, one more. fareed? (laughter) okay, i'll show myself out. (applause) >> trevor: thank you, thank you. other than the fact that trump's policy is flatly discriminatory, probably illegal and definitely wrong, it also goes against the very principles of what america was founded on. this is the land of the free, literally found bid people seeking freedom from religious persecution! i even have a stake in this myself! (applause) i feel this because i both travel a lot and exhibit all the tell-tale signs of a potential muslim -- one, my skin is brown -- yeah, that will do it. (applause)
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but here's the thing about donald trump. everyone has the right to be crazy. what worries me is people are following the crazy. >> no one here we spoke with had a problem with the plan. >> that's a very prudent idea and i think that he's done due diligence when he makes that statement. >> they're getting in. they need to be stopped. >> i don't want them here. who knows what they're going to bring into this country -- bombs, i.s.i.s., what... >> trevor: yeah, i mean, you know, who knows what these muslims are going to bring in, fashion sense? the knowledge that your sunglasses belong on your head or your eyes or that weird area in between? and why do you have that much forehead anyway? what's going on there? (laughter) the worst thing about this situation is donald trump is a problem but he's not the problem, there are people who already hold these views, and they used to be kind of in agreement, you know, between them and society that they wouldn't speak these things in public, but now donald trump the
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frontrunner of a major political party has basically given them permission to shed their shame and say these things out loud. just watch this clip. as a young trump fan realizes he's being set free. >> i think that they should go through screening. i mean, extensive screening. i mean, we just let terrorists into this country that did the california shooting. >> he's not just saying screening. he's saying no muslims should be allowed to enter the country right now. do you agree? yes or no, it's that simple. >> yes. (audience reacts) >> trevor: don't worry... your secret's safe with us. no one here but this national news network! (laughter) and, by the way, again, i have to commend the dress code at this trump rally. this guy's ready for anything, whether it be a cocktail party at a baseball game or a nascar wine and cheese tasting (laughter)
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(making race car sounds) (applause) for more reaction to donald trump's muslim policy, we go to senior political correspondent hasan minhaj, everybody! >> hasan: thank you! thank you! (cheers and applause) >> trevor: hasan, this has to be trump's most controversial statement yet. >> not really. not really continue verse fortunately me. -- not really controversial for me. i think trump's 100% right. muslims should not be allowed in this country. it's just not safe. >> trevor: wow, hasan... so you also believe muslims are a danger? >> i believe muslims are in danger, trevor. one-third of a major political party in america is back ago racist maniac! this place is scary right now and that's why trump said we can't have any muslims enter the u.s. until we figure out what
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the hell is going on! (applause) >> trevor: no, i think you got it mixed up. i don't think that's what he meant. but i would love to know what do you think is going on? >> i don't know, but it has nothing to do with muslims. maybe trump never actually wanted to be president so now he's just self-sabotaging, trying to get his supporters to break up with him by crossing the line again and again and again. >> trevor: he's crossing the line and how is that going? >> kind of like the microsoft store every christmas -- turns out there is no line. (applause) there is never a line. big store, no line. but... i have a second theory, and i think this is where the evidence points. donald trump is an extremist leader who came out of nowhere, self-financed, recruits through social media, attracts his followers with a radical ideology to take over the world and is actively trying to
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promote a war between islam and the west! >> trevor: oh, my god, hasan... he's white i.s.i.s.! (applause) >> hasan: that's right, trevor! donald trump is white i.s.i.s.! whisicy! >> trevor: that's catchy. i like that. the big question is what do we do to combat whisis? >> very simple. can i be real, trevor? >> trevor: be real. just be you, man. be real. >> where are all the moderate white conservatives? i mean, come on! they've got a responsibility to step up and speak out against whis is because i'm sick of
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this! >> trevor: they already have. jeb bush called it unhinged. chris christie ridiculous, john kasich divisive, marco rubio offensive. >> we're now going to violate the constitutional rights of citizens because of donald trump? i don't think so. >> i do not comment on what's going on in the presidential election. i will take an exception today. this is not conservatism, not what this party stands for and, more importantly, it's not what this country stands for. >> trevor: you say, hasan, conservatives don't stand behind whisis. >> i don't know, trevor, i don't buy it. i still don't feel safe. i know there is a lot of nuance to the situation and every conservative is not the same, but it's just rationale in my brain to be afraid of an entire group of people! (cheers and applause) so until we can figure out what's going on here, i hasan
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minhaj say we should not allow any conservatives into the white house! >> trevor: thank you, hasan! hasan minhaj, everyone! we'll be right back! so sorry we have no more room at the grown-up table. get on down. there's two chairs right there. i know right? a piece of advice step up your style, it's the holidays. they look amazing. they do look much nicer than us. look how much fun they're having! what are you talking about? me? they can't hear you. janice! dave! david! tony! guys. what? there's this huge holiday sale going on at old navy. the entire store is up to 60% off. get some new clothes, bam, you're in. lets go now. you are a holiday miracle. sopeppermint mocha, eggnog., what's another great holiday flavor? kevin?
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you may hit the wall sooner than you should. refuel your body's magnesium level with slow-mag® tablets to help keep you going the distance. learn more about magnesium at (cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." now, we were just talking about donald trump and how nothing he% says or does seems to be over the line for his supporters. but there is one thing that i believe might finally make even the most ardent trump fans think twice about voting for him. it's the subject of our new segment, don't forget, donald trump wants to bang his daughter. (laughter) now, i know what you're thinking! hold on, trevor... donald trump doesn't want to bang his daughter. he could have any woman in the world who needs a green card. but i'm telling you, donald trump does want to bang his daughter ivanka trump.
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but don't take my word for it. unlike most of the claims trump makes, i can actually back this up. >> do you know who's one of the great beauties of the world according to everybody and i helped create her? >> trevor: who? ivanka. my daughter ivanka. >> trevor: she is, yeah. she's six feet tall, she's got the best body -- >> yeah, she's hot. >> trevor: now, again, i know what you're thinking -- okay, trevor, sure, donald trump complimented his daughter's body in a very disturbing way but that doesn't mean he wants to have unnatural sexual intercourse with her. (laughter) may i then present to you exhibit b, an 2006 appearance on "the view"! the discussion here is about whether ivanka, who is next to him, would ever pose for playboy. >> i don't think ivanka would do that inside the magazine, although she does have a very nice figure. i've said if ivanka weren't my daughter perhaps i would be dating her. >> trevor: whoa! wait, what?
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wow... ivanka must spend a lot of money on therapy sessions. here's my impression of her therapist. hello, boat store? your largest boat, please. yeah, i can afford it. (laughter) by the way, this was not the only time that trump publicly day dreamed about how much he would enjoy sex with ivanka were it not for the tragic fact he is his daughter. just a couple of months ago rolling stone quoted him as saying, she's really something, and what a beauty, what a beauty that one. if i weren't happily married and, you know, her father... i have never been so grateful for an ellipsis in my life. (applause) i don't know what shiny gold thing distracted donald from finishing that sentence, but i'm glad it did. and just for the record, when you're ranking the reasons you wouldn't bang your own daughter, the fact that you're her father
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should be at the very top of that list, not number two after i'm married! top of the list. actually, now that i think about it, you know what? there shouldn't even be a list! you shouldn't need a list! nobody asked you to make a list! why are you making a list?! (cheers and applause) once you know that trump badly would like to have sex with his daughter, even completely non-sexual things he says about her come out sounding extremely gross. >> if i put ivanka in just about any position you name, she would do a great job. >> trevor: now, i know he's talking about legitimate positions in his administration -- secretary of state, secretary of energy, reverse cowgirl -- (laughter) oh, did i -- sorry. sorry. and, by the way -- by the way,
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eve nothing against ivanka trump. frankly, we're sorry about dragging her into this mess because she seems like an intelligent, sane woman with socially acceptable sexual preferences. take for instance this joint interview ivanka and donald did on the wendy williams show in 2013. >> we want to know more about you so we play fave five. i'll ask the question and ivanka you answer first and dad you answer also. ivanka what's the favorite thing you have in common with your father? >> either real estate or golf. >> trevor: there. there, you see? her favorite things in common with her dad is real estate or golf -- totally wholesome, normal answers that don't make me want to puke forever. out of curiosity, how did her father answer the question? >> either real estate or golf. donald? with your daughter? >> well, i was going to say sex, but i can't relate that to her.
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(audience reacts) >> trevor: well, i was going to say sex but i couldn't say that to h her... unless she's cool with it. okay, you're not cool, then just go. golf then sex -- okay, okay, just golf. whatever. you know, i would like to take just a moment here if i may to talk to everyone at home. remember when you were younger and your dad said embarrassing things in front of you and you would be, like, oh, dad! you're so embarrassing! i hate you! call your dad tonight -- (laughter) -- tell him you never truly appreciated what a good dad he was and thank him for never announcing on national television that he wishes he could bang you, unlike donald trump! we'll be right back. (cheers an who wants to try? before earning enough cash back from bank of america to stir up the holidays, before earning 1% cash back everywhere, every time and 2% back at the grocery store, even before they got 3% back on gas,
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(cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome back! my guest tonight is the united states secretary of labor. please welcome secretary tom perez! (cheers and applause) ♪ >> thank you! >> trevor: please, please... thank you so much. welcome to the show, sir. >> great to be here. >> trevor: this is wonderful having you. you're the first member of the cabinet here. this is a momentous occasion for you. >> well, i'm honored to be here! (laughter) >> trevor: this is big. i have to read things before interviews, sometimes i have to watch a movie, sometimes read a
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book, and then you agree to be the guest, and i regretted that decision. there is a lot of stuff to read in and around your job, but then i realized, i bet there is a lot of people out there who don't even know what you do. whawhat does your job entail? >> you know what we do? we help build the middle class across america and we help build the middle class by investing -- (cheers and applause) -- we invest in job training so that people can get that good job that pays a decent wage. we make sure that when they're working, if you work 60 hours, you get bade overtime. if you work the minimum wage you get paid the minimum wage and what we do is help people when they're getting ready for retirement by making sure the advice they get is in their best interest. i love my job because every single day i'm expanding opportunity for everyone and helping to build the middle class. >> trevor: i'm doing the same thing just without helping evened and expanding the middle class. i, too, enjoy my job.
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you make it sound like there is no stress involved with your job. you're smiling, look pretty healthy. >> looks are deceiving. >> trevor: yeah, let's talk about some of the stress that goes into your position. i mean, you are tossed with protecting thprotecting the worf america and trying to get more people working. why is that so hard, though? >> well, you know, first of all, the stress that i confront pales this in comparison to the stress that people day to day are confronting. we've made a lot of progress in our recovery. when the president took office, the economy was in a ditch. 2 million jobs lost in the three months before he came here. now we've seen 69 consecutive months of job growth to the tune of 13 1/2 million jobs. we talk to people day in and day out. i met a woman in new york recently part of the fight for 15 missouri. i was there in solidarity with her. the night before she and her three children slept in their car because that's all talked do. >> trevor: wow. i met a woman in connecticut,
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corinne, school bus driver, she had just given birth to her child and because we're the only industrialized nation in the world that doesn't have paid leave, the only way she could make ends meet is to bring the newborn on to the school bus when it was literally only a few weeks old, so all of the other kids are sick because parents can't afford to stay home and don't have paid leave and are putting the sick kid on the bus, so we can do better. i'm motivated every single day, trevor, to make sure folks like that get a fair shake (applause) >> trevor: how does the government go about doing better? because, i mean, if i'm coming at this as a complete idiot, i'm going, surely everyone wants everyone to be working. surely everyone wants there to be paid leave. surely these seem like very obvious opinions to hold. so what's the holdup? >> well, the holdup in part is the republican congress. i mean, you know, nobody who works a full-time job should have to live in poverty.
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but this republican congress has refused to raise the minimum wage and, so, people are working 50 hours and getting their food from the food pantry. we can do better than that as a nation. >> trevor: funny enough, in new york, there was a whole discussion around raising the minimum wage and both sides have the arguments, so someone goes against you and says, well, secretary perez, it's easy to say raise the minimum wage but then we lose jobs. so what do you do to then mitigate that job loss. >> well, the polite word i would use in response to that is bunk. the less polite word i would use, i shouldn't repeat, because i would get in trouble. >> trevor:ly say it for you. bull (bleep). i can say that. i have that ability. (applause) >> yeah, there has been study after study after study that has shown that when you raise the minimum wage by reasonable amounts and the proposal in congress to raise it to $12 a year by 2020 is a very reasonable amount, it does not have that effect doomsdayers say
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it has. so if your new rule is if one person gets harmed and 35 million get helped, you're not going to do something, then we'll never do anything. study after study has shown that, when you raise the minimum wage, it helps create jobs for the simple reason that, you know what? when people have money in their pockets, guess what they do with it? they spend it! and this is henry ford 100 years ago, he doubled the wages of people on the assembly line because when people have money in their pockets, they spend it and, by the way, when you pay people a decent wage, they're loyal to you. >> i think the workers are in good hands. thank you very much secretary perez. >> thank you. >> trevor: tom perez, everyone! we'll be right back! (cheers and applause) to do great things,
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(cheers and applause) >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. thank you so much for stiewning in! now here it is... your moment of zen. >> donald, donald, donald, donald, you're not going to keep talking. we will go to break if you keep talking. >> go to break, then, joe. everybody. go to break right now, we'll be right back. the following is a message from new york mayor michael bloomberg... ( cheers, applause ) hello, i'm michael bloomberg. two weeks ago tomorrow, on december 26, new york city was hit by what will be forever called
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the great blizzard of 2010. the snow began to fall on sunday, and by the time it stopped the next day, there was snow everywhere-- on the streets, on the ground, in the trees-- even on those big rocks or whatever in central park. it was so deep, some city residents said, they couldn't even see the sidewalk in front of their apartment until the building super shoveled it. it was, in short, a catastrophe, and brought this city to a complete standstill. today, as we continue to dig ourselves out from this horror, many new yorkers are left stunned, bewildered and overcome with feelings of despair and hopelessness. above all, we have questions...


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