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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  April 5, 2017 11:00pm-11:32pm PDT

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another lovely woman needs me. good-bye, customer. [beeps] - good-bye, shake weight. - ♪ creme fraiche ♪ cafeteria fraiche ♪ >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you so much for tuning in. my guest tonight is one of the stars of the "fast and furious" franchise, michelle rodriguez is here, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) really excited. but first, breaking news from the world of advertising. >> pepsi pulling the plug on a controversial ad starring their new spokesmodel, kendall jenner. >> pulling an ad that is being widely criticized for appearing to trivialize protests for
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social justice causes. >> the soda brand is apologizing for making light of a serious issue, and putting kendall jenner in that position. >> trevor: this is so sad. ( laughter ) once again, we see a kardashian in a video being put in an awkward position. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) you know, this whole thing, this whole thing happened very fast. so just to catch you up, yesterday pepsi release aid video that was supposed to show how there's an exciting spirit of protest these days, and that pepsi is right there in the minsk. you know, now, the whole ad was a little tone deaf, but the part where people really lost it is where kendall jenner handed a pepsi to a police officer in a scene that looked like an iconic image of ieshia evans being arrested in a black lives matter protest. but, guys, i don't know why
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pepsi got hammered so hard. in fact, i think all brands need to become more woke. let's see coca-cola address climate change, yes, that's what we should see. that's what we should see. let's have a wedding for mr. and mr. clean, yeah. ( cheers and applause ) or why don't we enjoy a gender fluid bar, yeah, yeah? sure, those college juniors ads are sexist, but just a little tweak, and now they're feminists, yeah, yeah. think of all the iconic moments for brands to celebrate-- black power with a white smile. i like it, i like it. why move to the back of the bus when you can uber. i'm enjoying this a lot. going to an all-white school is hard, but lunchables are easy. when your country is divided between black and white, bring them together with o'eros. ( cheers and applause ) we could have had all of these things, people. ( cheers and applause )
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you complain. you know, as much as this sucked for pepsi, it could have been worse. for one, they could have had sean spicer as their spokesperson. ( laughter ) he would have made-- "no, no, no. you guys are the racists. you guys are the racists. the real story is who told you about this ad? that's what we should be investigating. that's what we should be investigating." ( laughter ) you know, spicer, sean spicer has been on my mind because this is going to be our last show before we take a little bit of time off. we're going to go play some golf at mar-a-lago. ( laughter ) and we've been thinking back on what are the things that we've really enjoyed at "the daily show" and haven't had the chance to share with you? and without a doubt, one of the stars of the first phase of the trump administration has been sean spicer. like, i don't know about you, but i thought this guy was going to be fired in week one. >> this is the 2009 memo, and then this one is the-- i've got the '13 here as well-- or the
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2017, rather, right here-- with respect to, um..., uh, over-- wait a second. moving on. i think it's pretty clear that if you look at all three of these, that's what it does. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: uh! uh! uh! now, sean spicer started off as incompetent, but i've got to admit, he's totally changed his game. i mean, he's still incompetent, but now, but now he does exactly what trump wants, which is to show complete disdain for the media. >> you don't just get to yell out questions. we're going to raise our hands like big boys and girls. i'm asking a serious question, if you could be polite and not interrupt her. this isn't a sit around and play pattycake kind of conversation. can you stop disrupting other people? hold on, hold on, hold on. let me-- i'm trying to answer your question. we've covered this, like 10 times. at some point, it's not just about me. it's about you. the answer continues to be no. ( laughter )
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>> trevor: you know, he looks less like a press secretary and more like an overworked kindergarten teacher. "hey, hey. no, hey, hey, hey." in fact, that's exactly how sean spicer treats the press, like a kindergarten teacher. >> good afternoon, everyone. >> good afternoon, mr. spicer! >> i'm about to take your questions. >> me, me, me! >> one at a time. cecilia. >> can i feed the fish today? >> no, it's my turn. >> major, major, that doesn't mean you get to jump in. >> i'm actually asking a serious question. if you could be polite, not to interrupt. >> me, me, me! >> julie. >> when are we going to learn about russia? >> i heard russia-- >> can you-- can you stop interrupting other people? >> you never want to talk about russia. >> hey, jonathan, somebody is asking a question. it's not your press briefing. julie is asking a question. please calm down. julie.
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>> when are we going to hear about russia! >> that doesn't mean you get to jump in. >> can i go to the bathroom? >> you don't get to just yell out questions. we're going to raise our hands like big boys and girls. >> why? >> i can't find my building blocks. >> april, hold on. >> it's my turn! >> no, no, no. >> yes, yes, yes, yes. >> at some point, april, you're going to have to take "no" for an answer. you're shaking your head. take "no" for an answer. answers. >> stop shaking your head. >> no! >> hold on, guys! hold on. i'm trying to answer your questions. hold on, hold on! >> i really need to go to the bathroom! >> we want tax returns! we want tax returns! >> i look forward to seeing you tomorrow. i think tomorrow is going to be "one question friday." ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: sean spicer. we love you, sean.
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so, that's-- that's the fun stuff. ( laughter ) fun stuff. and then, unfortunately, there's the enraging stuff. because as you probably know, two days ago, there was a horrific chemical attack in syria. and everyone is rightfully blaming syria's dictator for it. well, everyone, except trump. >> president trump's response to the suspected chemical attack also cast blame on president obama. in a statement, the president called the attack a consequence of the past administration's weakness. >> president obama said in 2012, that he would establish a-- quote, unquote-- red line against the use of chemical weapons, and then did nothing. >> trevor: okay, now, part of that is true. president obama did set up a red line against chemical weapons and then assad crossed it, and obama backed down. and, by the way, forget about the fact that back in 2013, trump tweeted that obama should not attack syria, which is now
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exactly what he's blaming obama for doing. all right? but it's weird that he's saying this about obama, when he's the person in charge, you know. trump is blaming obama for what is happening now is like somebody in a relationship going, "what's wrong, baby? you can't get it up?" it's like, "yes." and this is your ex's fault! he could never get it up. i inherited a mess." ( laughter ) but here's the thing-- obama is not the issue anymore. he's out dancing with the waves, people. ( laughter ) because, you see, this chemical attack happened on trump's watch. the issue is what are you going to do mr. president? >> can i just quickly ask you if the chemical attack crosses a red line for you? >> uh, it crossed a lot of lines for me. that crosses many, many lines, beyond a red line, many many, many lines. >> i'm sorry does, this guy always have to have the most of everything? no, who brags having the most lines? who does that. it sounds like halfway through
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he forgot about what he was talking about-- "many, many lines. tremendous lines. i walked the lines, blurred lines. i know you want it. i know you want it. your a good girl. next question, next question." where's katie?" now, on the bright side, trump did at least say, you know, today he saw that syria was now his responsibility. but this is still one of those moments that most people feared. donald trump, not just as president, but as commander in chief, responding to an international crisis. you know, like, you want someone to do something, but do you want that person to be donald trump? it's like you're in a balloon-catching contest-- it's really difficult, and now you have edward scissorhands on your team. ( laughter ) because think about this, think about it. handling a volatile leader like assad is serious business, especially when he's backed militarily by russia. and deposing him could create an opportunity for isis. i mean, i don't know about you, but i'm freaking out here. like, i don't want trump-- like-- like-- i just want some way to solve this complicated
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problem. >> trevor! >> trevor: desi? ♪ ♪ ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ( cheers ) that fixed everything. we'll be right back. red line, 20 minute delay. oh, no. (rhythmic clatter) can't get a signal? so annoying, right? yeah, and i'm late for a job interview. hey, man, can you just nix it, just for like two seconds? thank you. you need verizon. they have the largest, most reliable 4g lte network in america.
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it's made to work in places like this. with verizon unlimited, we could video chat the interview in hd right here. okay. hey, man, i'll cue you. (vo) when it really, really matters, you need the best network and the best unlimited. just $45 per line for four lines. i'm a people person. (drumming resumes) dom, you're gonna and shatter your family. i'm taking you down, toretto. come and get it. that's not good. oh damn! this is crazy! get us out of here! why are you always yelling? rated pg-13. experience it in imax. a fresh remix of natural flavors... cherry blossom, gold apple, and orange blossom. no artificial flavors, or colors. award winning strongbow hard ciders.
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geico insures rvs? what's an rv? uh, the thing we've been stuck on for five years! wait, i'm not a real moose?? we've been over this, jeff... we're stickers! i'm not a real moose? give him some space. deep breaths, jeff. what's a sticker?!? take a closer look at geico. great savings. and a whole lot more. ( cheers and applause ). >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." as you know, we've been running a bracket tournament all month with people voting online for greatest trump tweet of all time. you may know it as "third-month mainia." well, the final votes are in, and we have a winner. for one last time, let's go to roy wood jr., and hasan minhaj. ( cheers and applause ) >> there it is, hasan, the championship trophy. the votes are in, and america has decided which donald trump tweet is the greatest of all time. >> now, before we decide the winner and we reveal it, roy and i wanted to take a moment to look back at some tweets that didn't make it, but we thought deserved some very special
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recognition. >> oh, yeah, that's right. like my personal favorite, "how is abc television allowed to have a show entitled 'blackish'? can you imagine the furor of a show 'whitish'? racism at highest level?" >> highest level. >> highest level. highest level. it goes the "n" word, slavery, racistist. >> they don't need to call shows "whiteish." they have other names, like "frasier." >> white show, very white show. ( applause ) that show was so white, irimmigrant character was from great britain. >> love that cog, though. >> the dog was very compute. my personal favorite that didn't make it was, "so let's get this right. steve jobs dies and leaves his wife everything-- billions of dollars. now his wife has a boyfriend (lover). oh, steve!"
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( laughter ) >> oh, man >> now he's just clowning a dead man. >> anyway, hasan, give me the envelope. it's time to talk about the tweet. here it is. ( cheers and applause ) yeah, yeah, yeah. >> we started with 64 trump's most trumpy tweets, and over the past three weeks, over six million votes were cast. >> and the winner for third-month mania... >> the greatest trump tweet of alm time as chosen by the viewers is... >> "are you allowed to impeach a president for gross incompetence?" >> amazing. wow! >> wow. >> nobody said we could do it. we did it. >> started from the bottom and now it's here. it may not be the meanest or the most racist. >> but it is the one tweet we will get the answer to in the next four years? >> yes. >> what a wonderful tournament, bro. good times. >> guys, we haven't announced
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this before, this is new-- the winning tweet is also being presented this check for $1 million! >> unbelievable. >> do you guys believe it. >> a million dollars. >> trevor: whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait. i'm confused. who are you giving a million dollars to. >> pay attention man, the money goes want to tweet. >> trevor: but who actually gets the money? and is that the "the daily show's" money? >> trevor you're worried about where the money is coming from instead of where the money is going, man. >> trevor: you can't give money to a tweet. >> we know that. we're not dumb. >> yeah. >> that's-- that's why we're holding it in a trust. >> the third-month mania foundation which the two of us will be managing. >> trevor: is this some kind of scam, guys. >> trevor, we've got to go, man. our foundation is having a board meeting imeeting in theica men . >> do you have your sunscreen. >> we don't need sunscreen, baby, we're already brown. ( cheers and applause ). >> trevor: all right, thanks, guys and to everyone who voted.
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight costars in the upcoming movie "the fate of the furious." >> stop! >> i don't know why you're doing this, but i know one thing. you love me. and you are not going to shoot me. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ). >> trevor: please welcome michelle rodriguez! ( cheers and applause )
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>> trevor: welcome. welcome. wow, it's so good to have you on the show. >> oh, i love you, trevor. >> trevor: thank you so much. >> you make me feel good about the world when everything is so crazy. >> trevor: i feel like you make me feel better about the world. you make action movies better. you make the world better. let's talk about the movie first and foremost. how do you guys keep doing it? because i know that after, let's say... ( laughter ) no, no, let's say, like, after "tokyo drift" i was like, i don't think this is going to carry on. >> it's messed up. >> trevor: after "twoak toekio drift" i'm like it's not working anymore, and it got better somehow and you guys are still turning out amazing movies. are you still enjoying it? >> i am, i am, i am. what keeps me going is knowing we're putting on a platform, all those people who felt like they didn't have a door into hollywood. >> trevor: wow. >> they can look on the screen and look at all the different
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colors of the leads in the movie and they can find themselveses s there ( applause ). >> trevor: it is actually-- it's-- it's a united nations of, like, car-driving thieves. >> colors of benneton. hollywood olympics. >> trevor: that's really-- but it is fantastic. i've also noticed that the cast has become somewhat of a family now. you know, i've been on the "fast and furious" ride at universal. i've seen the clips that you guys make together. it doesn't seem like it's work anymore. it really feels like you guys rob banks and stuff in between making movies. who would you say is your closest family member on the cast? and then who's the person you like beating up the most? >> i would say vin is my closest family member on the cast. and the person that i goof off with the most would be tyrese. ( applause ) >> trevor: you've got that, like, i'm good looking but then i'm a bafoon, at the same time. >> hey, hey, wait. >> trevor: he plays it.
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>> he wouldn't like that one. he considers himself to be very suave, you know. >> trevor: he does and he does a great job. the movie is spectacular. in this film, you go around the world every single car. i mean-- charlize theron is the villain in the film. she's amazing. >> we've never had anybody so mean. ( laughter ) never somebody so mean. i mean, she put the "b" in bad, man. >> trevor: she really does. >> no, you seen this one? >> trevor: yes. >> yeah, it's gnarly. you telling me it was not gnarly. >> trevor: i don't want to spoil anything for you guys. she does something really bad. >> i know what it is. >> trevor: yeah, because you're in the movie. >> no, no, i know what it is why you can't really-- you can't really see the bad she does is because she's so hot and you like her. >> trevor: no, no. >> now, come on. >> trevor: it's because she's south african. and i go south africans can do no bad. they can do no bad.
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that's what it is for me. >> that's hilarious. >> trevor: beyond "fast and furious," everyone sees you as an action star. everyone sees you as a face in hollywood who has broken out. you're really outspoken about diversity. if there were some young latina actresses or latino actors who want to get into the arts, there are definitely going to be obstacles. >> yeah. >> trevor: what would you say are the core piecees of advice you would give to them? >> don't give up your ass in the name of a part. ( applause ) try not to promote sex as the end all-be all of a woman's power. >> trevor: wow, wow. ( applause ) >> and fight for what you believe in because it's a longer road. it's tougher, but it lasts longer. ( cheers and applause )
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>> trevor: let me ask you this-- do you ever feel afraid being an outspoken woman in hollywood? because these days, it seems like people don't really want women to be outspoken, and they don't want hollywood actors to be outspoken. do you have a slight bit of apprehension before speaking out? >> for me to be scared of dumb (bleep) what other people think is like the dumbest thing on the planet for me. it's like, why. i have to, you know, i just don't-- it never came across my mind to be scared because, you know, life is full of so many things, and there's so much to explore and so little time to explore it, that you really have to fight your fears and go in there for anything that you-- that even gives you the shadow of a little bit of fear. and it's tough because a lot of people don't like an outspoken woman. they find her annoying, you know. i know tons of, like, you know, millionaire buddies who wouldn't even date a girl with half a brain because, you know, it's intimidating. >> trevor: right.
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>> but you gotta-- you gotta be yourself. and then you'll attract the kind of people that you really deserve. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: can i just tell you, it is not often you meet an action star who is cooler in person. thank you so much for coming to the show. thank you very much. "the fate of the furious" is in theaters april 14. michelle rodriguez, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) wow, thank you. metro news at 6.
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11:31 pm >> trevor: that's all we have time for tonight. a quick note, a quick note. we will be on break until april 17, but while we're off, you can enjoy a series of specials featuring each of our correspondents-- that's jordan, desi, hasan, ronny, and roy-- each of them showing off a half hour of their own best work from the show. now, here it is, your moment of zen. >> you hear the phrase complicit. that jared and ivanka are complicit in what is happening in the white house. can you weigh in on how you feel about that? there have been articles, there have been parodies. what do you think about that, that accusation? >> if being complicit is wanting to be a force for good and to make a positive impact, then i'm complicit. comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh


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