tv The Daily Show Comedy Central June 23, 2017 1:40am-2:11am PDT
corinthians chapter 2, 1-17. dear corinthians, who smashed by pot? [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] >> chris: number three ... hey this might be the wine talking. if we're making condoms out of sheep guts why don't we cut out the middle man and [beep] the sheep. [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] >> chris: it's@murica night. who wrote number three? tim minchin has won the internet along with your tag team partner. ll see you all tomorrow night when our guests will be kate micucci, kenny g and ron lynch. until then, keep the game going on twitter by tweeting us @midnight with your #politicalshakespeare and become tomorrow's tweet of the day. i'm @hardwick on the tweets and instagrams. be nice to each other. goodnight!
>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much for tuning in! i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight jerrod carmichael is here, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) good friend of mine, great comedian and he's here to talk about the new transformers movie, he is playing the yellow one. the big news today, the senate healthcare bill is finally here, people! yay! yay. yay... they have been writing this bill for weeks now. it's like kids trying to guess
about christmas gifts, sounds lying higher premiums! almost felt like apple launching a new iphone. no one knew there were leaks, not quite sure and just like apple, today the republicans sent out their own turtlenecked leader to reveal the bill. >> breaking news at this hour the healthcare bill is out. mitch mcconnell live from the senate floor talking about the senate republicans draft healthcare bill. >> senate now letting americans in on the overhaul. >> cuts taxes for the wealthy. >> trevor: republicans went into a room saying let's fix healthcare and came out saying, all right, so we've cut americans healthcare so that we can give people tax cuts. yeah! that was the point of this, right? that was the point? no, it's not the point. it's like a fireman running into a burning building and saving the fire instead of the baby.
all right, i got it out. where's the baby? oh, the baby... well, say hello to your new addition. not only does the senate bill take a trillion dollars out of healthcare to fund a tax cut for the rich, it also doesn't change much of what they went in to change in the first place. >> the bill largely mirrors what's in the house bill. >> the bill cuts back on obamacare's taxes and individual mandates, institutes a slower phaseout of obamacare's medicaid expansion and its house counterpart, like the house bill, the senate version fund meany reshapes the medicaid program though it institutes deeper cuts than the houston version. >> trevor: now i see the difference. the house bill was like a rapper, it was going to screw people hard and fast. ( laughter ) the senate bill is like barry white, it's going to go slower, but so much deeper, baby, oh, oh, oh...
( applause ) places that's how it works. republicans are taking a big chance with this bill because it's massively unpopular across the country and its effects will be felt by americans in all 50 states including millions of trump voters who have been on obamacare or medicaid in general. fortunately with a bill this shaky and unpopular, it should be easy for the democrats to rally people against it. unfortunately, they are the democrats. >> when the white house passed their healthcare bill, a bill that president trump called mean, i thought it wouldn't be possible for the senate republicans to conjure up a bill even worse than that one. unfortunately, that is what they have done. >> meaner.
can you read it? do i have to color it in? ( laughter ) oh, man. this is literally what that monkey emoji was made for. that's what this is. that is what it was made for. i'm sorry, man, democrats are bad at this (bleep). they are so bad. mean-er. should i have colored that in? oh, i should have got -- okay. this is so bad. senate republicans were grinding out their healthcare bill in secret and trump was hard at work in public in a rally in iowa campaigning for a job he already has. ( laughter ) the real deal for trump doing these rallies is to get back his loyal crowds and feed off their energy. what was really impressive to see last night is how trump supporters are so on board with their dude. he can say anything and they'll come along for the ride. >> i'll give you an idea nobody's heard about yet -- and we're thinking of something
unique. we're talking about the southern border, lots of sun and heat. we're thinking about building the wall as a solar wall so it creates energy and pays for itself. ( cheers and applause ) and this way, mexico will have to pay much less money, and that's good. right? is that good? ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: wait, what? no, no, no. no. hold on. i'm sorry. there are too many things going on here. let's piece it together slowly, slowly. okay, first of all, you realize those are trump supporters. trump supporters cheering massive government spending into solar panels, solar panels that will save a ton of money for mexico. ( laughter ) he's, like, it will save money for mexico, huh, huh? am i right? and the people are like, yeah, guess so... i feel like the only way that could have gotten more ridiculous is if at the end trump said we'll save mexico
money, everyone saves, death to america, folks. i'm with hillary. i'm with her. whoo! what are they cheering for? this is a guy who spent the entire campaign revving up crowds by dissing mexico and praising the nutritional benefits of coal and now he's flipping? the crowd's consistent belief is if trump says it, it's good. how does a solar panel work? the panels need to face up. logically the wall is like this. then where is the sun? where is the sun going? how does this -- how is it going to work? ( applause ) the only way you could make this work is if the solar panel was tilted like -- probably the wall would need to be like this to get the sun but now you've created a ramp for mexicans to ride into america. this is flying into the country! just like latino evil knievel!
what are you doing? this doesn't make sense! all the most important promises of trump's campaign, all that populism is what got him elected. he can reverse any part of it and everyone is good with it. remember this? >> when you cast that ballot, picture a wall street board room filled with the special interests who have been bleeding your country and your city and i've place else, and imagine the look on their faces when you tell them you're fired! fired. ( cheers and applause ) >> okay, cool. so wall street bad. right? we're all on the same page. no, apparently we're not. >> we have the legendary wall street genius wilbur ross here, he's our secretary of commerce. we have gary cohn, president of goldman sachs. and wilbur is very rich person in charge of commerce. this is the kind of person we
want. the president of goldman sachs, smart, having him represent us. ( applause ) and i love all people, rich or poor, but, in those particular positions, i just don't want a poor person. does that make sense? does that make sense? ( applause ) ( audience reacts ) yeah, the federal department of (bleep), i'll have one of you guys! yay! trump, yay! ( laughter ) who is this guy? donald trump just said we need bankers to run this country and everyone applauded. right now i'm just thinking poor hillary clinton. bankers, goldman sachs bankers? that's what everyone went after her for. now trump went, yay! i imagine everything in hillary's house is bent in rage -- the spoons, the forks, bill, everyone, just bent over,
like, ahhh! ( laughter ) you know, at first, i didn't get why the republicans were so ballsy with gutting america's healthcare. but after watching this rally, i finally understood their confidence. they know their bill is a giant turd, but they also know that if the trump is selling, his people are buying. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) i may be dead, but let me tell myou one last thing.d! get the new ipad pro! it has the powerful a10x fusion chip, so you won't miss me at all! thanks ghost computer. whoops, forgot my power-cord, coming back down. hi guys. in the desert.be here. at the mall. on the mountain. at school. at the beach. in the big easy. yeah yeah today i want to show you guys the next-gen chevy equinox. what do you think? that's pretty. pretty sexy. it looks aggressive. but not overbearing. it's not too big. not too small. seems like the perfect car for anybody. i would take it anywhere. she's a bad mama jama. (laughter) current qualified gm lessees can get this introductory lease on
yogig-speed internet.me? you know what's not awesome? when only certain people can get it. let's fix that. let's give this guy gig- really? and these kids. and these guys. him. ah. oh hello- that lady. these houses! yes, yes and yes. and don't forget about them. uh huh. sure. still yes! you can get it too. welcome to the party. introducing gig-speed internet from xfinity. finally, gig for your neighborhood too. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." now, with any new administration, it is normal for
there to be a lot of turnover. the question raised by some of donald trump's firings is whether they are normal or whether he's illegally trying to protect his own interests. he also fired u.s. attorney and indian al gore preet bharara under allegedly same circumstances as james comey. >> preet bharara refused a request from the justice department that he step down and then tweeted he got fired. >> you have two individuals in a position to be involved in an investigation involving the president. mr. comey was with the f.b.i., they were running an investigation into michael flynn and russian connection to the election. mr. bharara had the ability to investigate trump university and maybe other claims relating to conflicts of interest. >> trevor: it must suck but also cool to get fired by trump because firing people is his signature move. like aids from charlie sheen --
i don't want to brag, but this is famous aids. ( laughter ) like i said, the president can fire whoever he wants, but some folks say the firings are obstruction of justice. is this fair or as donald trump would call it a witch hunt! hasan minhaj sat down with preet bharara. >> using my connections, i landed an interview with trump's most famous indian-american fireee preet bharara. i keep acting like i know what obstruction of justice is. i have no idea what that means. >> fundamentally, if someone with corrupt intent tries to influence or impede an official proceeding, like an investigation, that's unlawful. >> let's talk about loyalty. trump says that he wanted loyalty. what's wrong with that? >> you serve at the pleasure of the president, but you do not serve the president. you serve the public, your oath
and constitution. >> loyalty to the constitution, that's what you have tatted on your chest? >> no, it's more in my mind. >> that is so gangster. >> no, it's anti-gangster. >> trump called bharara three times and invited him to swing by his golden penis rectangle but obstruction of justice is about intent. and he asked whether there was an investigation into his affairs. >> not saying there is or not. >> how many times did you speak with donald trump. >> three times. >> out of the 93 u.s. attorneys, how many besides you personally spoke with donald trump? >> i'm not aware of any. >> we means one thing, donald trump is in love with you. >> that would explain a lot. >> unfortunately, preet won't have time for romance because
he'll be too busy looking for a job. >> what are you doing to get yourself back on your feet now that you're an unemployed lawyer. >> i'm at n.y.u. >> can you do pro-bono work for me? >> depends. >> answer me, is it illegal to look this good? >> no. >> is it illegal to be this fly? >> no. >> is it illegal to lie under oath about meeting a russian ambassador at the mayflower hotel? >> no comment. >> though preet has been reduced to begging pore pro-bono work he may have insight into our democracy. >> this is an important issue. we cannot rush to conclusions. this a witch hunt or certain impeachment. >> i don't think either of those things. with the special counsel, maybe
it will amount to something or nothing, and you should be comfortable with what the conclusion is, hater or lover of donald trump. >> tell me how the season ends. >> can't do it. >> we're 200 days in and i can't handle it. >> justice can't be binge watched. >> that's great. give that to camera right there. >> america, justice can't be binge watched. >> all right, preet has a future but i need help with a bigger issue. my parents always wanted me to go to law school, but when you got fired, my dad was watching cnn and i said, look, that's what happens to you when you go to law school, you end up unemployed. >> i'm not unemployed. how many times do i have to tell you? i got a job in ten days. >> i called my parents. bring it in. tell mom and dad. this is preet unemployed lawyer. >> i have a job. >> just read off this. >> i went to a fancy ivy league
school and now i'm unemployed and eat expired yogurt out of a dumpster. if only i had not gone to law school and became a comedian instead, my parents could be proud. if only i could be like hasan minhaj, whose new netflix special critics called important, instead of an out-of-work lawyer loser with no job who brought shame to his family. i have a job. i told you. >> that's it. love you mom. see you, bye. i only hope some day scrappy law grad can get back to work. >> i have a job, distinguished scholar, n.y.u. >> trevor: thank you, hasan minhaj, everyone. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) well you're really gonna hate the new ipad pro because you can do pretty much everything with it, like type... hate it. or take notes... hate it. or even multitask.
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it will be mine. ♪ i've got it now. introducing an all-new crossover, toyota c-hr. toyota. let's go places. man,puppymonkeybaby...l tonight. puppymonkeybaby... puppymonkeybaby... puppymonkeybaby... puppy... monkey... baby... ♪ puppymonkeybaby... ♪ puppymonkeybaby... puppymonkeybaby... puppymonkeybaby... ♪ puppymonkeybaby... puppymonkeybaby... mountain dew kickstart. dew. juice. caffeine. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back. my guest tonight is the co-creator and star of nbc's the carmichael show and can be seen
in the new movie transformers, the last knight. >> don't eat cars. don't-eat-cars! you get back in your hole and think about what you did! it's like the macy's day thanksgiving parade out here, jimmy j. >> you hired me from a want ad in the dakota ledger. do you think that comes with a superpower? that was an alien dinosaur that was not in the ad! >> trevor: please welcome jerrod carmichael! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> what's going on? what's happening, man? >> trevor: welcome back to the shoarchlts thank you very much. i really wanted to wear a suit. i did, man, but -- >> trevor: i feel like you say that to me and -- >> it got lost in the thing. it was a thing. >> trevor: i think you take advantage of the fact we're friends and, so, what you do is you make minimal effort when you come to my show.
>> yeah. >> trevor: because last time you were here you didn't wear a suit and you were, like, i'll make sure i wear a suit next time. >> i efeel so comfortable on you. i put on what i would if i pick you up at the airport. >> trevor: people get comfortable in relationship and start wearing the baggy clothes. i want to remember you when we first met. >> i was wearing worst than this when we met. this isn't the worst. can i say, very important, i have been watching especially this week with orlando castile and i've been talking about it, it's beautiful, really, really important. it is great. thank you. >> people don't talk about the fear. >> no. >> like it's a real fear. people are only really afraid of stuff that could affect you. we hear cancer and you get frightened because you can be affected by cancer. >> trevor: exactly. >> what's going on, man. it's truthfully a cancer, you
know, black men just going through this every single day, it really is like a cancer. so it's important to hear you say things about it. >> trevor: i appreciate it. what's sad is it's black females in america as well. >> yeah. >> trevor: when you look at the numbers, it's actually scary. >> yeah. >> trevor: let's talk about that in a bit. we have to talk about transformsers. >> but we can't just talk about transformers. black men are dieing. >> people get into this conversation where they go how come black actors and performers only speak about that and not the fun things. the two can co-exist. >> yeah. >> trevor: you can be in a transformers movie and at the same time be going through a lot as a black person in america. ( laughter ) >> i'm still more afraid of the police than most transformers. ( laughter ) terrified of the police. you know what i do every
morning? i pick out outfits and i -- i have to describe the outfit as though i was going through a police scanner. >> trevor: that's how you think about it? >> it's an insane, very real thing i do. some outfits you feel safer in others. you have to preface your outfit with "suspect was last seen." suspect was last seen wearing black hoodie. i'm taking a chance today. going out there, i don't know what's happening. suspect was last seen wearing a cashmere sweater -- i should be fine. >> trevor: are you trying to be as specific as possible. >> yeah. >> trevor: you're a show creator, which is not easy to be at your age. you are a successful comedian, have a platform, doing things. what do you want to do? >> i like to think pretty immediately. i'll get a sandwich after this. no real plans. ( laughter ) try not to get stopped by the
police, that's crazy, trevor! you got stopped eight to ten times? >> trevor: how many times did you get stopped? >> like a dozen, man. >> trevor: you say it like it's a big number. ( laughter ) >> you look way more innocent than me. >> trevor: is it my face or -- >> yeah, yeah. the only thing that could make it better is at least we get, like, a stamp every time you do it and get, i don't know, like some donuts. >> trevor: this should be, like, the fifth time you get stopped you get off with whatever. >> it's, like, ahhh! we'll never solve this murder! >> trevor: we've just solved a key part -- all right, we understand this is going to happen consistently so at least let there be a reward system, where you stop me and we get a stamp. >> and with enough stamps i get a free cashmere sweater. >> trevor: this is why we need to do what we do. we're solving it.
>> trevor: that's our show for tonight. thank you so much for tuning in. a quick note, we'll be off the air for the next two weeks and if i know anything about trump, we'll come back to things just as we left them. so stay tuned for the president's show up next. here it is, your moment of zen. >> i totally cut off negotiations. i will not do a great -- what is it, p -- go ahead -- p -- do you know what it is, p, p, p -- yes, you guys weren't listening, huh?