tv The Daily Show Comedy Central June 20, 2018 1:40am-2:10am PDT
so that when you're finished taking a sir harrington, you have to stand up, turn around, and look down right at your harrington to flush? that's gross! - well, yeah, but-- but if you sit on it that way, you gotta take your pants all the way off! - of course! why do you think i designed toilet rooms with a laundry hole? - oh, that's what that hole is for? oh. men: ohh! - oops. - so, then-- so then clyde's mom's ghost is all like, "clyde, what have i told you, clyde, you asshole?" and clyde's all like, "mom, leave me alone! i'm--seriously stop, please!" dude, it was a riot! [laughs] - that's not what i said. - [laughs] yeah, well, i'm just glad that stupid tsa crap is over with. i know you've had a tough week, clyde, but at least your mom didn't die for nothing. i mean, we're kind of right back to the bathroom being the last bastion of american freedom, so technically, your mom did die for nothing, but...clyde? clyde? clyde, you there?
hello? [toilet flushes] [seat clatters] >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much for tuning in! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much, everybody! my guest tonight is an amazing woman, the director of the
international refugee assistance project becca heller is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) and we'll be talking about the plight of refugees under trump and around the world. but first, let's catch up on tad's headlines. good news! having a life-threatening emergency just got a whole lot easier. >> america's 911 emergency system is about to enter the 21st century. apple said today the iphone's next operating system will be able to tell 911 operators exactly where the call is coming from. currently iphoneses only provide the location of the cell tower transmitting that call. >> trevor: 911 can now use your iphone to see exactly where you are. i know some people have privacy concerns, but in an emergency, i want 911 to know everything about me. in fact, when i call 911, i want them to answer, like, trevor, what is it, nigger, you all right?
we're comin' right now! ( laughter ) all these other maps know how to track us, google, yelp, so 911 can do the same thing. hope they don't copy uber because they will be dying and frustrated. 911, where are you? i'm on the corner, the person being robbed! can you come to us? no -- hold on, can we go to him? he's being robbed. no, it's been five minutes. we're canceling your emergency. >> noooo! ( laughter ) >> travelers header to chicago can soon be able to get to the airport literally in minutes. elon musk's company is planning an express rail loop to the chicago o'hare airport. this animation shows how elon musk's company is going to perform transportation, along
electric skates, people will be swept along at more than 100 miles an hour, making the non-stop trip in 12 minutes. >> trevor: this is a damn shame. what happened to elon muse income he went from i'm going to send human kind to mars to i just want to help 16 people get to the airport. that's all i want. ( laughter ) i feel like this is the opposite of invention. he took a car and stuck it to a train track! what's next? i've replaced the engine with a horse! just to be clear, just to be clear, no one is laughing at you, elon. we're not laughing at you. no, because guys -- i've seen movies, every time the supervillain shows up, the first thing he says, they all laughed at me! who's laughing now? we're not laughing. so elon musk, please don't destroy the world. we would love to go to the airport underground. let's move on to today's big news. immigration. over the past few days, outrage has been growing around the trump administration's new
policy of taking kids from their parents at the border. and this issue is not going away. it's like strip club glitter, you know. ( laughter ) yeah, the secret is use sticky tape. a lot of people don't know that. with a lot of trump's other unpopular policies, republican lawmakers have kept quiet and done nothing but this time has been done different. >> a growing number of republicans are urging the administration toned family separations. >> the president has the ability to stop this if he'd like. >> when the president is saying this is all on the democrats, it's their law, this is not right. it's not true. >> it's not american to do this. >> the white house could change it in five minutes and they should. >> i think the whole thing is a hot mess. >> all of us are seeing images of children being pulled away from moms and dads in tears, we're horrified. this has to stop. >> trevor: i never thought i would say this, but i agree with ted cruz. ( audience reacts ) seriously. no, we've given ted cruz a hard time on this show, but let's
give him props. he wants to solve this problem. ( applause ) yeah. and i think we need to solve it before ted cruz decides to go to these detention centers himself because these kids have been through enough! ( laughter ) they -- they will be, like, please, please, let me oat out of this cage. what's that? no, no, keep me in! is that what you have on the outside? no, i'll stay in here. ( laughter ) lawmakers in both parties are against trump separating kids from their parents and more surprising even trump is against trump separating kids from their parents. >> we want to solve this problem, we want to solve family separation. i don't want children taken away from parents. >> trevor: now, i know you might be a little confused right now, like why would trump hate the policy he himself made? but let's be real, you don't always love everything you make.
( audience reacts ) and also, the president can't just change this policy. i mean, well, he can, but not without the approval of his advisors. and the problem is, the members of trump's tv cabinet team, like, they seem to be fine with everything that's happening. for instance, here's the secretary of inhumane services lawia ingram. >> since more illegal immigrants are rushing the border, more kids are being separated from their parents and temporarily housed in what are essentially summer camps or as the san diego tribune described them today as looking like basically boring schools. ( audience reacts ) >> trevor: you know, what kind of freaky-ass summer camps does she go to? ( laughter ) was her family just dropping her off every june at state prison? camp was so fun! we made license plates and sims and i got this tear drop tattoo! you only get that if you kill people.
yeah! ( laughter ) just to be clear, once again, the point is not how nice the places are that they're keeping these kids in. the point is that the federal government is snatching kids away from their parents. if you kidnap someone's kid but keep them in a really nice basement, that's still not okay. liam neeson wasn't, like, what kind of food are you feeding her? sushi? well, i guess she has been taken -- care of. ( laughter ) ( applause ) that's not how it works! so laura ingram clearly won't be advising the president to stop separating these families, and neither will director of false equivalencies tucker carlson. >> this is one of those moments that tell us everything about our ruling class. they care far more about foreigners than their own people. they don't care because, no matter what they tell you, this is not about helping children. a lot of people yelling at you on tv don't even have children. so don't for a second let them take the moral high ground.
>> trevor: wow -- this angry mcnugget seriously just said you can't care about kids unless you have kids. that is the dumbest logic i have ever heard. how does tucker not get that you can care about things that don't directly affect you? i'm just glad he's a tv pundit and not a doctor. like, dr. carlsen what should i do about my cancer? well, i don't have cancer so really i don't give a shit. yeah, i just don't. ( laughter ) ( applause ) but if you ever get hemorrhoids, give me a call, yeah. ( applause ) ( laughter ) so top advisors tucker and laura clearly won't let the president change this policy he hates so much. and it will get even worse if he watches "fox & friends" because brian killmead was making the same argument. >> if nancy happens on a plane
to go to the border to have her heart bleed for others countries who are coming here, understand we are $20 billion in debt, classrooms are overrun, teachers buying their own supplies, these kids get fanned out to work class neighborhoods into our society and then they have to be paid for by english is a second language and then they've got to be schooled and a lot of them, sadly, in my neighborhood, turn into ms-13. >> trevor: what the ( bleep ) was that? i'm sorry, that's not an argument. that was conservative slam poetry. like, pelosi, oprah winfrey killing the american dream with ms-13 teen, teen, teen, teen, teen, teen... ( cheers and applause ) look, man, the fact of the matter is separating kids from their parents is heartless,
okay? and the only way that we can stop the government from doing it is to demand change. so get on the phone and call the people who can actually do something about this. and i'm not talking about congress. i'm talking about the policymakers at fox news. yeah, call them, because they can do something. they work for the president, which means they work for you. ( applause ) we'll be right back. still a chance here. it's willingham, edge of the box, willingham shoots... goooooooaaaaaaaallllllll! that...was...magic. willingham tucks it in and puts the championship to bed. sweet dreams, nighty night. as long as soccer players celebrate with a slide, you can count on geico saving folks money.
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back! refugees are already donald trump's second worst nightmare, comes right after that one where he drives an electric car into a train tunnel with his devout muslim mother. but what if refugeeser were not only coming to america to help it but to run it, too?
well, roy wood, jr. has more. >> this is montana also known as trump country. >> do we love montana? do we love mt. mt. ? >> it's so rare in a reeseenent election both candidates started shooting up tvs. there is also less black folk in montana than a wes anderson film. in helena they made history. >> collins defeated smith. >> elected the first black mayor in the state's entire history. i had to check in with this dude. how do you end up in montana? let's just be real about it. even hannah montana is blacker than montana, montana. >> i came on the refugee reassessment program. >> oh, yeah, i forgot to mention, this dude came to america from war-torn africa. he's a full-on liberian refugee who escaped a brutal civil war and somehow became the mayor? they voted for you?
>> yes. >> the african refugee. >> yes. >> in montana? >> yeah. >> how the hell did you do that? >> we knocked on thousands of doors. i went to those doors and knocked on those doors. >> you're crazy as ( bleep )! >> people welcomed me. >> you just walked up on random white people's doors in the mountains? >> i did. >> and they opened the door and said, hey, black man, let's talk about the issues! come on in for some lemonade. is that what happened? >> that is almost exactly what happened. >> i'll knock on trevor noah's door, he's half white. it didn't help he embraced american culture. he joined a church, the u.s. military, gave a ted talk and even started listening to country music. >> we're talking blake sheldon, brooks and dunn. >> onos amigos? >> no.
( noises ) >> what's that? i didn't understand a word. >> trump knows about the refugees of wilma. >> they're going back. >> which is why some local helena voters are sounding the alarm. >> mayor collins is refugee congress! they're all for bringing in islam. >> you do understand your mayor is not muslim. >> i don't care if he's muslim or not he's still bringing it in. he still wants to bring that in. >> did he run on that? >> no, he didn't. he kept that kind of quiet. >> by keeping it quiet, you mean he never said that at all? >> excuse me? >> when people talk like that, they have no clue. that's when you step in and seize the moment as a teachable one. they'll listen and do a ria just. >> listen and readjust? it's 2018, ain't nobody listening. then how in the hell is this guy in office? all right, look, we're alone, so you can tell me now.
how did you win? >> i won by getting the votes out. >> did you sneak in people from atlanta? >> no, i didn't have to. >> don't ride away from you when i'm talking to you. it's only when i got dew point i realized how this refugee won in white loving folk. >> i'm a trump supporter. >> how do you feel about this african refugee taking your mayor's job? >> i voted for the man. >> i'm sorry, what? you're a trump supporter who voted for an african refugee. >> absolutely. i love him. >> you're basically a trump supporter. >> i love trump. >> no, that ain't real. that ain't real. >> when you meet collin, you don't see the refugee. >> we in west world now? >> no. i know i'm in trump's current, but yet, still, they look beyond the rhetoric, they look beyond the blindness.
>> bro, you know how you're making it look for the refugees? you're making them look bad. >> i'll tell you this, montana politics is different. our election is nonpartisan. we don't run as republicans or democrats. >> if people don't run in a party format, how will i know who to hate? how would i know who to lock up? >> vote for the better of the two. >> we don't blindly go by parties. >> y'all are crazy as hell up here. >> these folks voted for a refugee on his character and ideas! >> that's how. that's what makes us unique. >> jesus christ, i'm going back to america where politics is horrible, terrifying, where it makes sense. ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: roy wood, jr., everyone. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) proximity alert. it's a t-rex, it's a t-rex, it's a t-rex. stop it. stop the t-rex.
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welcome to the show. >> thank you so much for having me. >> trevor: it's an honor to have you on this show, especially considering what your organization has done. many people first saw your face and the organization when trump's travel ban went into effect. we heard about all these lawyers who were rushing to the airport to try and help people, to give them legal assistance. you were leading that effort. why was that so important for you to do? >> i think we realized about halfway through the first week of the presidency that the executive order could come down any day. it actually leakes monday. officially the third day to have the presidency, but he had spent the first weekend golfing, so really the first day business was done. ( laughter ) someone sent us a photo of a desktop computer in the white house with a text of the travel ban on it. >> trevor: wow. >> so we were calling on all our clients and saying get on a plane, the doors to america are closing, we don't know when. >> trevor: right. >> and realized that it wasn't just going to affect our clients but that, at any given time when
the executive order became law, there were going to be thousands of people in the sky who, when they took off had legal permission to enter the u.s. and would land essentially as undocumented immigrants and nobody knew what was going to happen to them. lawyers being the really self-important people we are and saying obviously the solution is to get thousands of lawyers to show up at the airport and see if there is something we can do about it? what do you feel you wish people knew about refugees? what is the biggest misinformation that people have succumbed to? >> i think there's two dominant narratives of refugees that are both wildly inaccurate. i think one is refugees are victims who are desperately in need of our help, and i think others are refugees are terrorists who are tight kill all of us. what i wish people knew about refugees is they are some of the most tenacious survivors i've ever met. it's 100% privilege to work with them.
if we want entrepreneurs and patriots, there are there is nothing more entrepreneurial than escaping islamic occupied mosul, getting across the border and going through the process, getting your family to america and starting your whole life over. the most patriotic people i know are refugees. >> trevor: right. >> in the lawsuits we worked on following the muslim ban, we would talk to our clients who were involved in the lawsuits, and the whole lawsuit is saying i'm really hurt because i'm being discriminated against so you would think it would make you really angry. but our clients said, no, this makes me love america even more. i lived under bashar al-assad for three decades and now i live in a country where you can sue the president. ( laughter ) oh, wow! yeah, that's a different way to see it. that's a really different way to see it. ( applause ) when you look at the situation now being created at the border, the current issue where kids are being separated from their parents. you hear anecdotes of parents
being tricked or not informed about what's happening to the kids, is there legal recourse that might come back to bite the united states? >> attend of the day when the policy is over, the trump administration is literally going to have to pay for it because, my opinion, every single one to have the parents and kids has a pret did food damages lawsuit for kidnapping and infliction of emotional distress and damages. damages are important. it's how you make people pay for doing ( bleep )up shit. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: for those who argue the united states cannot handle any more, the united states has taken too many people, how does your organization respond? >> usually it comes down to an argument about jobs or the economy, and there has been a huge number of studies showing
refugees are benefit to the economy. i have a study which is in the second version of the muslim ban the trump administration ordered itself to do a study on the net cost of refugees to the american people and the study done by the trump administration found that, over the past ten years, refugees have netted $63 billion to the u.s. economy. >> trevor: to the u.s. economy. >> to the u.s. economy. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: well, that's how you got to vote for trump. >> then they suppressed the study and it was leaked to the "new york times" two months later. >> trevor: and there we are back again at the border. >> yeah. >> trevor: well, i never thought i would say this but thank god for lawyers. thank you very much for being on the show. ( cheers and applause ) to learn more about the work of a project, go to refugeerights.org. remember remember, everybody. we'll be right back ( cheers and applause ) ♪