tv The Daily Show Comedy Central June 26, 2018 11:00pm-11:31pm PDT
it's time to end the tyranny of an 86-year-old savage despot who runs the city with an iron fist. and probably a steel plate in his head and a couple of metal rods in his back. we need to stop this robot dictator. now we're off next week. we will see you again july 10th. i'm jim jefferies. i think we can all do better. good night. al >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with
trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show, everybody." thank you so much for tuning in. i'm trevor noah. take a seat. let's get into it. take a seat. take a seat. take a seat. we've got to get hearsay. we don't have much time-- my guests, my guests -- my guests tonight are an author and former president of the united states. bill patterson and bill clinton are here, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) yeah, i'll let you-- i'll let you google which one was president. but first, let's catch up on today's headlines. do you guys know rodrigo duterte, the president of the philippines? he's kind of like trump, if trump was a foreigner, instead
of a guy who hates foreigners, right? he's creepy around women. he dislikes obama for no good reason, and just like trump, he's always saying something controversial. >> outrage growing in the philippines after its leader called god "stupid." late last week, president rodrigo duterte asked why adam e were created to be allowed to give in to temptation. >> you created something perfect and then you think of an event to tempt and destroy the quality of your world. who is this stupid god? ( laughter ) >> trevor: oh, man! that audience did not like that. ( laughter ) yeah, they look like when the t.m.z. staff had kanye west visit them. that's what they looked like. and if you're going to call god stupid, you don't need to bring up big theological questions about adam and eve. god made a bear too fat to (bleep). that's stupid. that's silly. pull that up.
meanwhile, back in the u.s., the supreme court voted today, 5-4, to uphold president trump's travel ban. ( booing ) yeah, congratulations to president trump, because part of what tipped it for him with the supreme court is that the court said it wasn't a muslim ban, because it included north korea. yeah, which is amazing, because, remember, people called it a muslim ban, and so trump included north korea and was like, "see, it's not a muslim ban." ( laughter ) yeah, he basically did the thing guys do when they buy condoms. "hey, can i get condoms and a pack of gum?" and the supreme court was like, "he bought the gum!" so kudos to him. all right, that's the headlines. let's move on to our main story. sound effect. sarah huckabee sanders. queen of the press room and mother of lies. ( laughter ) ever since a virginia chicken restaurant asked her to leave this weekend the big debate in america has been do government officials have the right to be left alone when they're off the clock? if sarah huckabee sanders gets
asked to leave a restaurant, or if kirstjen nielsen is heckled while she's eating mexican food, if stephen miller is out on a date and somebody-- i'm messing with you. that will never happen. come on. ( laughter ) no, no, no, for real, for real. the question is, is it right for people to protest government officials if they see them in public? and if you listen to a lot of cable news pundits, they have the answer. >> we need to stop all this and begin to behave in a civilized manner. >> if we can't agree to disagree and let each other be, and neither side wants to do that, it becomes a problem. >> there are certain lines i think that even in this breakdown of civility we've had in politics thateople realize you shouldn't cross. >> are you allowed to just kick someone out because you don't agree with their policies or their beliefs? whatever happened to tolerance? >> trevor: whatever happened to tolerance? tolerance got grabbed by the pussy? didn't you hear? you didn't hear? ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) yeah, that's what happened to tolerance. trump called her an animal, locked her up, and threw her kids in a cage.
that's what happened to tolerance. like, these pee more amnesia than the characters in a lifetime movie, "what happened to tolerance?" and, you know, we have also heard people say that it's fine to protest government officials, as long as you do it during business hours. >> protesters target other prominent trump officials and supporters during their personal time. >> sarah huckabee sanders at a restaurant with her family, seven people there. are her kids watching this? are her kids seeing her mom being harassed just because they don't agree with her political opinions? >> trevor: it's funny how these people are saying administration officials shouldn't be protested during their off hours as if the administration policies only work from 9:00 to 5:00. it's not like when the white house staff goes home every night it's like everyone in america goes, "woo-hoo! i have health care back until 9:00 a.m. tomorrow! yay! i've only got-- i've only got health care for the evening. does anyone know a get good night dentist? and, by the way, night dentist
is the job stephen miller looks like he should have, just by the way. ( laughter ) also, let's not get it twisted. that restaurant owner didn't ask sarah huckabee sanders to leave because of her opinions, okay. she's a senior official of the trump administration, not some rando with a blog. this person was protesting the government. sarah huckabee sanders just happened to be a part of the government who showed up in her restaurant. right? it's like in i had a beef with the teletubbies-- it may have started with laa-laa, but if tinky winky shows up, some shit is going down! it's going down! ( cheers and applause ) basically, people in power would like to be insulated from the effects of their actions. but if you're in a position where you can influence other people's lives, you shouldn't be shocked when you hear from the people whose lives you affect. like, even athletes get booed by their fans when they're not doing a good job. and sports has no actual effect on people's lives. a missed shot has never shot down a community center, okay, never happens. i mean, except for that one shaq free throw.
that destroyed everything, but other than that... ( laughter ) and the thing to notice here for me is calls for civility, people like, "you have to be more civil. you have to be more civil," it always tends to come from people in a position of privilege. which i understand, to be honest. you know, the person winning in monopoly is never the person flipping the board. yeah. if you own all the hotels you would be like, "hey, hey, let's not fight about whose turn it is. let's just enjoy the game, come on, guys." ( laughter ) whereas, everyone else is like, "i've been in jail for seven hours. if this game goes any longer, i'll miss my appointment with my night dentist." oh, by the way, night dentist is now a hit show on cbs. night dentist: when the sun goes down, the cavities come out. ( applause ) and you know-- you know what gets me, you know what really gets me is in this whole argument when people say, "but, trevor, why can't we be polite? why not fight hate with love, just like gandhi and nelson mandela?"
don't ever forget, in their time, people were not exactly happy with how they protested. the british called gandhi an agitator. governments around the world called nelson mandela a terrorist. and every day we see people on the news and social media saying, "why can't these protesters be more like martin luther king? he was civil. that's why he named it the 'civil rights.'" but what you forget is back when martin was marching, people were complaining about him, the same way these people are complaining about protesters right now. >> people of georgia are sick and tired of martin luther king. wherever he's been, he's attempted to stir up strife and disorder and violence. >> the best thing for king to do is to get out of alabama as quickly as he can because he's a menace to the peace of this city. >> martin luther king and his coterie of troublemakers who jump about the south like so many fleas on a hot griddle and
cause racial rashes where none have heretofore existed. >> trevor: wow, racists back then were so elegant-- "a coterie, a coterie." ( laughter ) and i like that he sailtz martin luther king created racial tension where none existed. like martin luther king went into the south and went, "you all are black! what!" ( cheers and applause ) i know, i know that those leaders may have been racist, but even some people who said they agreed with what dr. king stood for still didn't approve of how he did it. in fact, at one point, he had an 64% disapproval rating in the u.s. so, look, all i'm saying is, what happened to sarah huckabee sanders isn't nice, but as government official, people protesting your policies is part job. and the good news is, sarah, there's a ton of other chicken places you can go and eat. yeah. and if you're struggling to find one, just ask your boss.
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." so, so, last night, president trump was at a campaign rally in south carolina, being civil as always. >> now, you know, we have a lot of fake news back there, these fakers. you know, the enemy. the enemy of the people, i call them. the democrats want open borders. they want anybody they want, including ms-13 pouring into the country. >> lock her up! lock her up!
lock her up! >> trevor: hey, hey, hey, hey! hey, remember, civility. it's "lock her up, please." ( laughter ) ( applause ) you know, trump is always in the zone at these rallies, you know. he's with his people. he's relaxed. he's open, maybe sometimes too open. >> she has done a tremendous job as first lady. ( cheers and applause ) and, you know, she had an operation a few weeks ago, kidney operation. and she's going to be great. she's fine. ( applause ) but they had all kinds of projections. they said she got a facelift. no. i would let you know. ( laughter ) >> trevor: you know what? i believe him. yeah. i actually pray to god melania doesn't ever need embarrassing surgery, because i totally believe that donald trump would tell us all the details: "you should have seen her hemorrhoids, folks. you should have seen them. they were so big and red, when the doctor threw up when he saw them. i put them in a jar. let me show you, folks.
let me show you." now, president trump is only one half of a trump rally. the other half is his supporters. so we sent michael kosta down to south carolina to ask trump's crowd about one of their favorite new policies. >> the nation's media may be focused on kids in cages being ripped apart from their families at the borr, down here in trump country, they only wanted to talk about one thing. >> space force. >> space force, we need it! >> making space again. >> i am so excited about space force. >> there was just one question: what is space force? >> something we've been missing for a long time. >> we get to go to space. >> space force is a little bit of everything. >> it's like the cast of "modern family." >> there you go. >> isn't it fun to say it? say it. space force. >> space force, the next generation. >> it's exciting, isn't it? what is it? >> iis, uh, what they refer to as cloud computer. >> so space force is itunes.
it's where all my music is. >> yeah, i agree, it's itunes. >> what is space force? >> it's space exploration and just finding out what's out there, i guess. >> but nasa does space exploration. >> nasa is only going to tell us what they want us to know. ( laughter ) whereas, i think trump will send his own stuff, and we will find out the truth. >> who would lead space force, >> neil armstrong. >> i mean, he's dead. we'd have to bring him back to life. >> has to have a military background. >> military yeah. >> has to have a military background. >> i think so. >> but the military has advised president trump that we don't need a space force. >> well, trump's his own man. >> he knows more. >> and he's going to tell us the truth about what's out there. >> when you're in trump universe, everyone loves space force. >> space force! >> but why do we need space force? >> well, a terrorists could, through the use of drones, get into space and become a very dangerous hazard to our freedom. >> i'm sure that there will be war in space. >> let's not forget 9/11, okay?
i think that space force could help prevent the next 9/11. >> which would be 9/12. >> 9/12, 9/13. ( laughter ) >> i think isis could get to space. >> space isis. >> space isis. >> right, space isis. but do we really need a space force? >> it doesn't make a lot of sense, we would be wasting a lot of dollars, but at the same time it would be cool. >> let me just unpack what you just said. >> right. >> we need to have a space force. it's going to be a waste of money. >> yup. >> but it's going to be cool. >> right. >> but we need to have it. you stand by that statement. >> i stand by that statement 100%. >> pretty much we need regulations in space. >> isn't trump against regulation? >> yeah. but as a-- yeah. you know what, space force. it's just a cool name. >> it's a cool name. and that's good enough. space force! ( cheers and applause ). >> trevor: space force, everyone! we'll be right back.
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guests tonight are coauthors of the political thriller, "the president is missing," which is currently the number one book in the country. please welcome president bill clinton and bill patterson. ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause )
>> trevor: welcome to the show, gentlemen. >> thank you. nice to be here. >> trevor: i'm going to jump straight into it because i have so many questions for both of you. let's start with the book. congratulations on being number one in the country. this was an interesting collaboration, you know, because, james, you have sold hundreds of millions of books around the world. you're an accomplished author. you have always said you wished more people would read. you're writing a thriller about a fictional president, and yet, you thought, let me reach out to an actual president to get the facts right. why did you think that was necessary? >> well, usually, i just make stuff up. ( laughter ) and i thought it would be-- i thought it would be great, and i've never read a book like this in terms of the authenticity. if you want to know what it's like to be president, this will really give you a feeling for it. >> trevor: the book is a thriller, and in many wise, i feel like your journey together as authors has always been a thriller. i've watched you on the road together. you've been promoting the book. >> mostly terrific. >> trevor: james, you talk about how traveling around with
president clinton makes you understand what it's like to be mike pence. like, no one pays attention to you. ( laughter ) you're randomly in the background. >> i picked up a lot of move. i have an eye roll now. >> trevor: we love the eye roll. >> i hold my head. i'll just be doing this. >> trevor: you're going to be taking water off the tae at the same time. >> yeah. >> trevor: let's switch and talk about what's happening in the country right now. as a former president you have a unique perspective on many of the issues the country is facing. two things i want to talk to you about-- civility and immigration. the first is what is happening right now, cmpt around civility, people arguing that sarah huckabee sanders should not have been kicked out of the restaurant, the restaurant owner did something wrong and, you know, it's about being civil. we should all be nice to each other, even if we disagree. now, your daughter tweeted out that she believes that government officials should be held accountable or should be spoken to in public because it does shape how they see the world. what are your views on this as a
former president? >> well, i think the two are not necessarily inconsistent. that is, it is true when we were in church once, anchelsea was about 14, we were in a church that was a welcoming church-- that is a welcomed people without regard to their sexual orientation or identity, and this man got up and protested and said we should have been done more about aids, and he was absolutely right. and we wound up doubling funding for treatment and research and paying for about 25%, 30% of the global effort at the time, and it still was nowhere near enough. that i thought was fine. then you ask yourself, well, should you go from there to asking her to leave the restaurant? that's a decision for the restaurant owner to make. what i'd like to point out is
would it be better if that didn't happen? i think it would. >> a lot of poison has been poured down america's throat, it started with calling mexicans rapists and murderers. it's hard popour poison down someone's throat and have it be hard not to bubble back up. ( cheers and applause ) what i would say is-- i read the article about the lady who owned the restaurant, and i wound up with a lot of respect for the way she debated it. but i also had a lot of respect for the way sarah huckabee sanders handled it. i mean, she was very dignified. she didn't chew them out. she didn't pitch a fit. she didn't call them immigrant-loving thugs, or whatever. she just got up and left and offered to pay. so maybe what i'd like to see this be the beginning of something where, you know, it would be better if we started talking to each other again. sooner or later people need to
quit tearing each other down and going to work. but i think that you can't foment as much hatred as has been fomented by the administration without having a blowback. so it if they want to have more civility, they need to stop the name calling and take the lead. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: i have noticed that you've been on, from the beginning of the book press tour and that has been the journey of being asked questions about the #metoo movement, you know. we saw your incident on the morning news where,know,a journalist said, "hey, you didn't apologize. " and you didn't apologize. >> it wasn't my finest hour. >> gl right, it wasn't your finest hour. over the weeks i've watched your interviews and read what you said on how these conversations have shaped your mind and your understanding of the #metoo movement. honest question: has it been hard for you to reprogram your
name? has is been difficult for to you relearn something now from how i have seen the world? >> no, it means i need not to react toheraw pain of having happened 20 years ago.at and i need to be aware that, unfortunately, there are still millions of people every day who face objectification, disrespect, discrimination, and sometimes outright abuse in the workplace, on the street, and a. and now we're all alive to it in ways we weren't before. and we're all trying to work our way through-- not all of us, but most of us are-- trying to work our way through how we can use this moment to build a better country in person after person after person's lives. and that should be the number one priority of everybody.
that's what we should be-- how we should think about this #metoo moment. we can't waste it. we've got to do better. >> trevor: thank you so much for your time. it's an honor having you on the show. thank you so much. "the president is missing" is available now. president clinton, bill patterson, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) [ suspenseful music ] [ wind howls ] [ screams ] [ gasps ] [ groans ] daddy! my family's stuck inside. i'm coming for you. [ screams ] skyscraper. rated pg-13.
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