tv The Daily Show Comedy Central July 5, 2018 1:35am-2:05am PDT
we're total fags. and you know what? we like it! - yeah, we like bein' fags. - so go ahead, america. whenever you pass by harley riders like us, roll down your window and yell, "faggots!" all you kids out there, when you see us, walk up to us and say, "hello, fags!" no, really. we want you to. at least we're cool enough to embrace who we are. right, guys? - that's right! - yeah, yeah! - you got it, yeah! - come on, fags, let's roll out! [imitating motorcycles] - and that, mr. editor, is why they are the true definition of fags. - let there be no perplexity, those individuals are the legitimate faggots! the definition shall be replaced!
[cheers and applause] - we did it! - yeah, we did it, you guys! - oh, it's over! it's finally over! - today we've made history. captioning sponsored by comedy central come he de central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. (applause). >> trevor: yeah! thank you so much. welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah. thank you so much for tuning in. let's get floo it.
our guest tonight, our guest tonight is a
democratic congress member from south l.a., karen bass is joining us, everybody. (applause) we are going to be talking about immigration policy and what some members of congress are trying to do about it. so we'll be getting to that in a bit but first let's catch up on today's headlines. >> first up, if you had a birthday on saturday and you are wonder yg nobody showed up it was probably because of this. >> it was a supersurprise for jay-z and beyonce fans. the married couple releasing a jointed album together for the first time. the blockbuster announcement breaking the internet and causing an immediate reaction around the globe. the new nine track album called everything is love was accompanied by a stunning music video shot in the halls of the iconic louvre in pairs, the world's largest museum. >> trevor: oh, nice, nice, yeah, when b and j shoot their
video at the louvre everyone loves it.
but when i do stand up there people are like i'm trying to look at the art asshole. nice, nice. you know, only beyonce and jay-z could use the world's greatest museum as their back drop. and you know that them fimming in front of the mondaya lisa has increased its value now, yeah, because from now on there will be some people who go there and are like oh my god, it's that chick from the video, look. plaws plawses that's when you know, man. that's when you know you're operating at the next level, when the mondaya lisa is your video vixen. in other news, president trump also took it to the next level today. >> i'm hereby directing the department of defense and pentagon to immediately begin the process necessary to establish a space force as the sixth branch of the armed
forces. that's a big statement. >> we are going to have the air force and we are going to have the space force. separate but equal. there is no place like space. the space force. >> trevor: space force. i don't even know, i dobility even know where to start, right? >> he just cancelled military exercises on the korean peninsula because they are too expensive and now is blasting that money into space. and at the same time, separate but equal in why would he say that, it's almost like trump is sneaking racist easter eggs into his presidency, and intoa drowtion the mascot for space force, jim the crow, everybody. everybody give it up for jim. (applause) all right, let's move on to our main story. >> immigration. from the start of trump's time in office his administration has
been working hard to shut that shit down. they cut down on visas. they kicked out refugees, they screwed over the daca kids and even ramped up deportations so it is a scary time to be an immigrant in america. in fact, it has gotten so bad that deurgt world cup all the announcers on tel murchedo started whispering, he passes to the winger and goo, all. shhh. so everyday the trump administration has been inching closer to their goal of being the norway of the west. but after enacting their latest policy of taking children away from their parents at the border, they seem to have hit a wall within the battle over the trump administration's zero tolerance policy on immigration is intensifying. with lawmakers in both parties-- partying condemning it as cruel as inhumane. >> the members of the president's own party say the policy is unamerican. >> former first lady laura bush wrote our government should not be in the business of warehousing children in converted box stores.
>> evangelicals, people like franklin graham calling it disgraceful, cardinal dolan called it unjust, the pope tweeted this. children must be able to play, study and grow in a peaceful environment. woe to anyone who stifles their scwhroiful impulse to hope. >> trevor: damn, even the catholic church is judging you for how you treat children, you done [bleep] up. (applause) and it's not hard, it's not hard to see why anyone with a soul is up set, right. we've all heard the stories about trawmized children, the federal government deporting parnltds but keeping their kids. we have even seen images of how homeland security is holding some of these children in cages. there is no way you can defend it unless you work at fox & friends. because i don't know if you guys know this, but apparently that cage is not a cage. >> we got from the border patrol some of the eu78 am-- images inside the detention facilities. >> i'm from a farm community to
me i see the chain link fences. it's more like a security pen to me. >> you do see some fencing but keep in mind, some of them have referred to them as cages but keep in mind, this say great bick warehouse facility where they built walls out of chain link fences. >> wow. i never, ever thought i would hear a positive spin on detaining children. look, i'm a cage half full kind of guy. after all what is a chain link fence if not a wall made of silver linings. i mean think about it look, man, we're not idiot, a cage is a cage. can you imagine if fox & friends did the announcing for w-we. those fight was suck. >> and now we have two great friends standing on a chain link par tition. they are really enjoying their time on this fence-like structure. that is in no way a cage. oh, oh, he's helping him to the ground. look at that, an opportunity to get a new table. >> trevor: so positive, man, so positive. now some have argued that
although these images of the cages are disturbing those kids being separated from their parents only stay there for 72 hours, the first 72 hours. after that they get a free upgrade. >> nearly 1500 boys between 10 and 17 years old now live in a converted big box store. we're shown the boys rooms meant for four beds, now with five. classrooms for civics and english lessons. the kids play video games, shoot pool and place foos ball. >> they're getting scoom and soccer and video games and three squares and two snacks, and plenty of sleep. >> they are being feds well. they ge on field trips. >> the staff there give them toiletries, new clothes. >> the condition that they are in here in america where they have good meals, they have air conditioning, tv, they are being treated much better than most of the conditions i'm being told they left. >> trevor: okay, you know what, maybe you are right, maybe these detention centers are nicer than where these kids were living in hon-- honduras, but that is not really the point.
the point is the federal government is effectively stealing kids away from their parents. like if some guy in an unmarked van took your kids to the p the last thing you would be worried about as a parent was how nice the van was or whether they had the good man it wouldn't be like your child was kid 23457ed. >> oh no. >> but a man driving a bentley. >> oh, wow, okay, you can stop looking, you can stop looking. no, nobody is thinking like that. (applause) >> and you know it is shameful how the trump administration has tried to side step the backlash. >> however this kirstjen nielsen secretary of homeland security and ikea book shelf. according to her the administration had nothing to do with this at all. >> parents who entered illegally are by definition criminals. by entering our kri illegally offer then dangerous stirks, illegal immigrants have put their children at risk. congress and the courteds created this problem, and congress alone can fix it.
this administration-- administration did not created a policy of separating families at the border. we are a krif compassion. we are a country of heart. >> trevor: i'm sorry, that is some bullshit, right? that is just some bullshit. (applause) we're a country of compassion, a country of heart. you can't do a fatality on someone and then call it friendship that is not how it works. because this administration did create this policy. all right, it's pretty balancesy to claim congress for it when thee people from your administration already said it was a trump team idea. it's bs. it's like if bay thof nsaid that bay thof enfifth was written by johann nepu monk u hummel, first of all your name is in the title and we now hummel is was pretsing the limits on modernity, don't even front on that cap. sorry, classical musk. here's the thing. nielsen's deceptiveness doesn't even come close to the commander
in chief. because like his space force, his lies are out of this world. >> president trump falsely blaming democrats for his own policy. >> i hate it i hate the children being taken away. the democrats have to change their law, that is their law. they were forced. >> that quiet, quite et, that is the democrats law, we can change it tonight. we can change it right now. i will leave here-- no, no, you need their votes, you need their votes. >> first of all, no one believes that the democrats are to blame here. the democrats are like an iphone 5 at 5 p.m they have no power, all right. (laughter) in fact, the democrats have a bill in conditioning right now that would stop the government from separating undocumented kids from their parents but because no republicans have signed on, they can't get it passed. so look, president trump, you got two options, man. either you can own the fact that this was your plan all along and
you don't hate this policy of keeping kids in cages or you can call up the one person in america with more power than you, beyonce. because if anyone knows how to organ epic release, it's her. organ epic release, it's her. we'll be right ♪ this goes out to you, to you, to you and you ♪ ♪ if i can do it, you can too if i can do it, you can too ♪ ♪ see life, life is a moment ♪ the story doesn't need the writer's involvement ♪ ♪ so edit this for me ♪ don't embellish and twist it, please ♪ ♪ don't embed it in mysteries ♪ edit this for me ♪ 1,2,1,2,1,2,1,2 ♪ his is the oldest registered distillery in the united states. from a place where the water is cool, clean, and iron-free.
and i haven't missed a single game. am fract i put a sign on my office door so that i wouldn't be interrupted. right? i-- yairks i know, i could just say i'm watching soccer but i don't want my american coworkers to lack at me weird so that is what i did. for a complete world cupdate let's go to roy wood, jr. for our sports segment, apologize for talking, while were you talking. >> oh man. >> oh, oh oh. >> thank you, trevor, the world cup is here and i'm proud to report america still undefeated. >> naryk is not in the world cup. >> exactly. you can't lose when you don't play, roy. so. >> anyway, 32 other countries are playing in the world cup, and the favorites are struggling. portugal forced space to a tie. >> that makes sense, they tie at everything, same enpins la, same
language. >> different language. >> same culture in fact, i think they tied because they both stop ford a little siesta halfway through the game. >> that was 100% wrong. now yesterday we also saw switzerland fielt mighty brazil to a tie and before that argentina and messi only tied against iceland, iceland. a country so small that bjork was a sub on their bitch. >> that's true but the biggest shock so far was that mexico bet de-- beat defending champ germany which was a seismic event. >> mexico defeated the defending champions germany and there are shock waves literally in mexico city. at nearly the same time that one mexico goal was scored sensors detected a mini earthquake. the mexican geological service said possibly set off by so many fans jumping in the air all at
one time. >> think about that, roy, mexican fans jumped so hard they set off an earthquake. >> and trump think he going to stop these [bleep] with a wall? >> my favorite part of the world cup is how all the countries from all around the world bring all their unique cultures and traditions to russia and russia does not like it. >> the strange story of the day comes from right here. the russian authorities have banned nigeria fans from bringing chickens to the game as a good luck charm. they say they have a request from nigeria fans to bring in a chicken. have i not spoke to any nigeria journalist or fans who remember of wanting to bring chickens but the russian thortd say this will be a chicken free zone on saturday night. >> these africans are crazee. bringing chicken as a good luck charm. who does that? why don't they just cut off the food of a dead rabbit like a
normal person. >> i don't think it's that crazy, roy, nie ger that-- nigeria, if you want to get those chickens into the game, let me teach you a white person trick. take your chicken, put a vest on it, call it your emotional support animal that is how i got my alligator passed the tsa. an in you are watching chompy, daddy loves you, object. >> you have a gate thary calls you daddy. >> anyway, it has been an amazing world cup and we can't wait to do it again in four years. >> oh, they just start, this thing goes four more weeks. >> goddammit. >> trevor: roy wood, jr. and michael kosta everybody. michael kosta everybody. we'll be right back.
woooow! it's bud light lime and orange season! saddle my horse, you guys can walk. bud light lime and bud light orange. brewed with real citrus peels. so wi need to tell humans toed? switch to sprint now! i heard they can get 4 lines of unlimited for $25 per month per line with the 5th line free. we have to hurry because this deal it's going, going, gone, baby! (vo) switch to sprint before july 12th and get 4 lines of unlimited for $25 per month per line with a 5th line free. and for a limited time, get a galaxy s9 for 50% off for people with hearing loss, with sprint flex lease. visit sprintrelay.com
♪listen up and i'll tell a story♪ ♪about an artist growing old♪ ♪some would try for fame and glory♪ ♪others aren't so bold rewards me basically aeverywhere.om ♪some would try for fame and glory♪ so why am i sliding into this ski lodge with my mini horse? because hotels.com lets me do me. sorry, the cold makes him a little horse. hotels.com. you do you and get rewarded.
gorrr bears!!! indecisive? try salty and sweet snickers® yea i got it, what the hell is it? irritable? try espresso snickers® [music plays throughout] [music fades out] yeah... but popping these things really helps me...relax. please don't, i'm saving those for later. at least you don't have to worry about renters insurance. just go to geico.com. geico helps with renters insurance? good to know.
been doing it for years. that's really good to know. i'll check 'em out. get to know geico. and see how easy homeowners and renters insurance can be. with i get rewarded explowherever i go. going out for a bite. rewarded! going new places. rewarded! learn more at theexplorercard.com ♪ ohhhh. ♪ ♪ tecate. we are bold. >> trevor: welcome back. my guests tonight is a democrat from california who serves on the foreign affairs and judiciary committees in congress. please welcome congress member karen bass.
(applause) welcome to the show. >> thank you. >> thanks for having me on. >> it really is the perfect time to have you on because of your experience not just in congress and on imtbraition but also with regards to the chaild welfare system. let's talk a little bit about this policy that the trump administration has now implemented, separating kids from their parents there is one element people don't seem to think of and that is where are the kids going to go they are taken away indefinitely. what strain does that put on the u.s. system? >> well, first of 5u8, the foster care system is exploding because of the opioid crisis, so we don't have enough foster homes now for kids who are abused or neglected. that is the purpose of the system. to project children. >> right. >> the idea that we would separate children as a punishment and as a deterrent so people won't come and their parents won't do this is just
egregious. and so at one of the centers, one of the detense centers they ring a bell different times during the day if one of the children either is going to be reunited with their parents or some other relative or if the child is going to go to foster care, that is something they actually celebrate in one the detense centers. >> trevor: wow. >> so my big fear is that these kids could actually wind up spending their entire life in foster care. because what happens if the parent is deport, how are they ever supposed to find their children. because their children could be put in foster care in another state. in another city, how are they supposed to get their children back. >> this seems like one of those situations where everyone seems to agree on it and yet there are many mo side with trump. interest are many who say well, i mean f these people come here illegally, they are breaking the law and if you break the law your children are taken a which from you. and that's what congress has to change. how do you respond to that? >> well, a couple of thicks. many of the people if not the majority of them especially from
central america are not coming illegally. they are abiding by international law. they are preventing themselves for asylum, that is not illegal. and so because the trump administration wants to change the asylum laws, they are essentially using this as black mail. >> they are holding the children hostage to force congress to change legal imgrailt-- immigration. >> that is a phrase that we have heard bandied about quite a bit recently is that trump administration is using these kids as leverage. we are seen donald trump say on numerous row kaitions vote, it is not as simple as that, is it? >> no, actually we do know now that this policy is not a law. this say policy that the trump administration puts into place soçó they say congress did this, no, congress didn't do it he could pick up the phone right now at the end of this if he wants to. >> feelsçó like trump is not gog to budge on his end. he wants his wall.a"0 ran be the wall, he said i'm
going to build a wall and he won the election2úó isn't it fair forth democrats to approve his wall? >> no, because even the republicans don't want it. the wall is ridiculous. you know that-- (applause) most of the wul is on priva property includeu native american reservations. so theçó wall would+odd be tien court for years. >> right. >> the wall is his obsession, it's more symbolic. you have people who support the wall who are nowhere near the border. and so you know, to me this is just a part of his playing to his base and he uses racism to play to his base, and then he tries to get us fighting each other by trying to end the visa lottery, trying to pit african-americans and asians against latinos. >> trevor: right. >> so he does that to play to his base, very sinically so that his candidates will get elected.
and now the republicans are afraid to split with him because you saw what happened last week. >> if you votedded against trump, you could get punished. >> he tweets and are you gone. >> the he tweets and are you gone, the spanos of twitter, i like that. gfer before i let you go, i would like to try and get from you an idea of how this could possibly begin to be fixed. >> yes. >> trevor: because there is an issue of many people coming to the u.s. board we are their family in tow. this was an issue that plagued the previous administration. >> that's right. >> or their policy didn't exactly exacerbate it. so if you have these family tes border, if you have people who are stuck in limbo what then do you think is a safe solution to move the problem forward. how do you fix it? >> well, first of all,ñr when people present themselves for asylum, we need to process them through the courteds. we need to have many moreñr resources so that people can have legal representation. the problem that was faced in the obama administration was children who were coming alone. now those children you do have
to place in a facility or foster care but there was no reason to separate the family. we do need comprehensive immigration reform. i'm afraid we're not going to get that until we change the house of the representatives and the senate and the white house and when that changes we'll get that. >> all can i say is good luck to you, it's going to be a hell of a fight. and we look forward to see how it will play out. thank you for being with us on the show, congressman approximate karen bass, everybody, we'll be right back.
>> trevor: well, that's our show. before we go, i just wanted to say thank you to everyone in california without came out to the last few week of "the daily show" presents donald j twitter library in san francisco and loss ang legs f you weren't able to get there in person we have created an interactive virtual tour so you can walk through the library on your computer or