tv The Daily Show Comedy Central January 30, 2019 1:38am-2:15am PST
actions. mom, dad, we've been eating candy this whole time. eric cartman's been sneaking in junk food. - eh, shut up, you heif, chad. - no, he's right. the counselors been doing a good job. we've just been cheating. kids: yeah. - i believe i can lose the weight with exercise and proper diet. i don't want to make excuses no more. - me neither! all: yeah! - if you take us back, we promise we won't cheat. - well, it's all right with me. parents? - well, what the heck? maybe when you're all done, you can teach me a thing or two, huh, son? - you know, you guys are right. i'm sick of being the fat kid too. i've been making excuses all my life, but i know deep down that if i took responsibility and really tried hard, if we all try together, we really can lose the weight! - oh, no, not you. you're not welcome here anymore. all: yeah! - what? - buh-bye. [kids cheering] - well, screw you, fat-asses! [sobbing] all: 4, 3, 2, 1!
- he did it! come on out, kenny. you made it six hours, kenny. come on out of there. ms. crabtree, maybe you could give him a little push. - [grunting] [all groaning] all: ew! - he's dead. the pressure must have killed him. - i told you i was a tight virgin flower! - oh, my god! they killed kenny...sort of. - yeah, they kind of killed kenny's...look-alike. you bastards! - well, he gave his life for our amusement. one little boy who dared to be different: let us never forget kenny mccormick. who is that? - ♪ a prostitute is someone who would love you ♪ ♪ no matter who you are or what you look like ♪ yes, it's true, children. ♪ that's not why you pay a prostitute ♪ ♪ no, you don't pay for her to stay ♪
>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: thank you so much! and welcome to "the daily show," everybody! i'm trevor noah! thank you for tuning in! thank you for coming out! our guest tonight -- our guest tonight is a titan of wall street -- boo! -- whose company ellevest is transforming investing for women -- yay! sallie krawcheck is joining us, everybody! it's going to be a really, really fun conversation. ( cheers and applause ) also on tonight's show, your iphone is always listening. jeff flake does the most flakey
thing ever and starbucks is ruining america in a new way, but first, let's catch up on today's headlines. the mueller investigation, it has been going on forever. when moses came down from the mountaintop, he was carrying ten commandments and two bob mueller subpoenas. hal( laughter ) now we have an update. after trump fired jeff sessions and sent him back to the marsh melolines, he relays placed him with matt whitaker, current attorney general and former hank from breaking bad. ( laughter ) yesterday, the agenting a.g. surprised everyone with news about when the final season of the mueller investigation will drop. >> tonight for the first time publicly, the acting attorney general revealing the highly anticipated mueller probe into election interference is almost finished. >> i have been fully briefed on the investigation, and the investigation, is i think, close
to being completed and i hope that we can get the report from director mueller as soon as we -- is possible. >> trevor: okay. is that sean spicer in costume? what was going on there? i also don't know what's in that report, but trump's a.g. seems really nervous. do you see how much he is sweating? what is going on? forget collusion, i think trump might have murdered someone. did they hold the press conference in a hot yoga studio? looks like the halftime interview of a basketball game and mr. clean was playing point guard. i'm not trying to be mean, but this guy looks like he needs a shower. ( laughter ) serious question, after this guy is done being acting attorney general, can we dangle him over flynt, michigan and fix the water crisis? i can't understand why she's sweating so much. maybe if we zoom out, we'll understand. ah! that's what it is. yeah, that's why i never work out at the desk or ever. moving on the international
news, china. over the last decade it has become one of the world's most tech savvy countries. they saw japan and the united states and said, we want to do that. apparently they've seen black mirror and said we want to do that, too. >> a province in northern china has a new map called the map of deadbeat debtors. >> the app tells users if they're within three-tenths of a mile of someone in debt. the purpose is to get citizens to monitor debtors and report them to authorities if they seem capable of paying their debts. >> trevor: this is the craziest thing i've ever heard a government do. they've given chinese citizens an app that tells them if someone around them is in debt and they have to report them, but it only works if the person is within three-tenths of a mile. why that distance? it's not like you can catch being poor. maybe it is. maybe that's why they're wearing masks in china. >> thought it was pollution, but maybe they're worried about running into someone wearing knockoff jordans. this feels very dystopian when
it happens in a state like china, the government is spying, but every woman would love this. how cool would it be if a broke-ass guy came up to you in a bar and your phone went off. hi, baby, how you doing? better than your credit score. ( laughter ) ( applause ) it would be amazing! it would be completely throw off heckling. damn, girl, can i buy you a drink? not according to my app, you can't! ( laughter ) speaking of apps, facetime, the favorite app of grandparents and people who push the wrong button when they just wanted to make a call, and now you might want to delete it. >> there are new concerns about facetime. a defect in the iphone allows users to eavesdrop and get access to your camera even if you don't. >> it helps a caller immediately
hear your audio before you accept or reject a facetime request. it turns your phone into a hot mic, letting callers eavesdrop on you and access your camera without your knowledge. >> trevor: someone can phone you on facetime, you don't understand, and they can hear everything you're saying while the facetime is ringing? that's a problem. what you're saying is how much you don't want to facetime is the only thing you say. that's the only thing i say. every time it rings and it's facetime, i'm, like, great, i have to have a stupid conversation with -- hi! ( laughter ) let's move on to our main story. the 2020 presidential election is now just 643 days away, which is super close. you realize that's barely enough time to have two babies or three likely unhealthy babies. and because the election is so close, people are starting to
ask, will anyone dare to challenge president trump for the republican nomination? and today, former senator jeff flake boldly stood up and pulled his hat out of the ring. >> before we start, i want to find out if you want anybody to call you president. you've thought about running in 2020. are you going to run? >> i've always said i do hope that there is a republican who challenges the president in the primary. i still hope that somebody does, but that somebody won't be me. >> trevor: we need someone to fight trump. but it's not going to be me. ( laughter ) >> trevor: you know what i love about jeff flake is he always gives the inspiring speech but he never goes on to do the inspiring thing. i feel like if he was around during the old testament when the giant goliath walked out, he would be, like, he may be a giants on the outside but i now see we need someone who's a giant on the inside. have you seen that kid dave?
i've seen him with a sling shot, hey, everybody fight. that's crazy. not me. ( laughter ) so once again jeff flake is not going to stand up to donald trump. for now, the only choice is the democrats. unfortunately, we already have the first democrats to drop out of the race. yeah. west virginia state senator richard ojeda. i know what you're thinking, no! not richardo richard ojeda ando is richard ojeda? if you didn't know before, don't worry, he's done. i don't understand how you can burn out this quickly. the campaign barely started and he's already out. he's like those assholes at the olympics who sprint on lap two and by lap five they lie down on the grass. that's not how you win a marathon. ask the kenyon, come on, people, you got to pace yourself! you got to pace yourself! ( cheers and applause ) but the big news -- the big news in the democratic race isn't
even coming from a democrat right now, no! it's coming from the starbucks tycoon and c.e.o. who promises robo cop is safe, howard schultz. right now, his potential run as an independent candidate is making the democrats shit themselves, which usually only happens after you drink his coffee. you see, because schultz, he has policies that are basically liberal, so there's a good chance that he could end up taking up votes that the democrats need and, don't forget, in 2016, the democrats only lost the electoral college by 78,000 votes, so every vote counts. a schultz candidacy could swing the election to trump, which is why when he showed up at an event in new york city, somebody in the crowd let him know how people feel. >> this morning starbucks tycoon howard schultz is getting roasted after announcing he seriously considers running for president, heckled in a q&a session in new york city monday
night. >> don't help elect trump you egotistical billionaire (~bleep )! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: oh, wow! you egotistical billionaire asshole? that's really harsh. not for new york, that's just how we dwreet each other here. new york, it's hey, asshole, congratulations on your new puppy! thanks, he's a blessing, you prick! ( laughter ) > doesn't seem like democrats want schultz entering the race. one person wants him in, the make believe billionaire in the white house >> the president is taunting third-party challenger tweeting howard schultz doesn't have the guts to run for president. watched him on "60 minutes" last night and i agree with him that he is not the smartest person >> overnight president trump told a crowd at the hotel here at a fundraiser he was trying to get howard schultz in the race
because he thinks schultz will help him, according to the "new york times" >> trevor: he is so cool. tries reverse psychology on schultz and tells everyone he's doing reverse psychology. i'm going to tell him he shouldn't run but it's only a trick to get him in the race, it's like psychology but in h the reverse. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) i'm captain obvious and hotels.com
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♪ >> i'm desi lydic and i'm in greely, colorado, where an oil and gas company decided to frack right next to a middle school. >> extraction oil and gas plans to build a 24-hour facility near the bela romero academy. >> look, frack asking harmless unless you're touchy about toxic fluid being pumped into the ground or wells that occasionally explode or the point fracking can make your water lead as hell. >> the middle school are working on an evacuation plan. >> why would you put that anywhere near a school? i'm with the school's parent patricia patricia. >> my son goes to the academy and for the last year and a half we have been working on stopping the installation of 24 wells behind his school. >> twenty-four wells? >> yes. >> not just one. >> snow. >> twenty-four. legally, how close can the site be to your school? >> current setbacks are
1,000 feet from the school. >> oh, 1,000 feet. that's like a mile away. >> it's a quarter of a mile. >> as a journalist, i don't listen to what i hear. i needed to see this distance for myself. >> so that's 1,000 feet. >> yeah. >> wow, that's fracked. colorado, i love how chill you are, but with this, you're being way too chill. this is a huge problem, and uncovering it means i might finally win a pulitzer prize. and, of course, save the bids at bela romero, obviously. so i sat down with tim estep, a lawyer suing the state for exposing students to such a clear health risk. >> living near a frack site has been correlated with nosebleeds, headaches, asthma, low birth weight, congenital heart defects, cancer, leukemia. it can be overwhelming. you know, the question is, if it's appropriate to put --
( laughter ) ( coughing ) >> sorry, you're just really stressing me out. >> with that many health risks, how the hell did these wells end up next to bela romero? a few years back, this fracking site was slated to go next to frontier academy, a charter school just a few miles down the road. but when the parents of frontier academy fought back, the company abandoned drilling and decided to move the wells to a more convenient location. bela romero. i don't get it, if it's not okay to drill near frontier, why is it okay to build near bela rough romero. >> i don't think anythin -- i ts a racial injustice issue. >> why would the school be treated differently? >> frontier is 77% white, 83% of
bela romero are hispanics. >> but they both have students and teachers. >> ninety% of the students at bela romero are on free, reduced-price lunch. >> what do you think snts. >> english is a second language in a majority of homes in that community. >> i could be crazy, but this might have something to do with race. >> we also have a small refugee community, and i think it's very difficult for them to speak out, even if they wanted to. >> of all the pressures to move these wells -- economic, geographic -- does anyone else think it's a little strange that they ended up next to the school with some of the highest numbers of low-income latino students? environmental racism, that's a thing, right? >> you're right, that is the big issue in this case. >> great, but you're winning the lawsuit, right? you've got them by the oily
balls? >> unfortunately -- >> no, don't say that, tim. >> the law doesn't really have tools to account for that. if you're discriminated against when trying to buy a house, that's housing discrimination. you know, there's nothing comparable in where you site oil and gas development. >> well, tim, maybe the law should expand its definition to include environmental racism, because environmental racism is just as important as all the other racisms. ( laughter ) did you see that? nailed it. look, this story isn't about any inevitable pulitzer. it's about a town where fracking has run amok. a town that needs a flyover journalist with the courage to say what residents have already been saying but louder and on camera. and guess what? it worked. right after we filmed this
story, the company stopped drilling behind the school, and that's a happy ending. >> trevor: wow! desi lydic, everyone! ( cheers and applause ) desi, this is truly amazing. because of your reporting, they actually stopped fracking near the school. give it up for desi uh one more time! that is amazing. ( applause ) play. >> it is, true, trevor, i am amazing. look, all i did was i saw a problem, i heroically stepped up, and i fixed it --ish. >> trevor: what do you mean fixed it-ish. >> well, they are going to stop fracking until they -- start again next summer. >> trevor: you said you solved it, though. that's why i said we're going to play the piece. >> yeah, well, i did solve it, but then the oil company unsolved it. see, trevor, you're just asking me about it at the wrong time. see, if you would have asked me a few months back, it still
would be solved, but really, really, it's on you. >> trevor: i'm sorry? >> apology accepted. >> trevor: well, i hate to break it to you, but i don't think there's going to be a pulitzer price for journalism now. >> definitely not for the oil companies but i think i have a shot. the pulitzer committee will be slamming into my d.m. is also anyday now. >> trevor: i don't think that's how it works. desi lydic, everyone! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) you've tried moisturizer after moisturizer but there's one... that blows them all out of the water. hydro boost water gel from neutrogena®.
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>> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thank you! great to be here! >> trevor: it is good to have you here, especially in this time. it feels like businesses are in the news for how they are handling moving into a space where women are included. the gender pay gap is a large conversation that we're having. as a whole, it feels like the world is moving in the right direction. as someone who's been a c.e.o., though, do you agree with that? >> no. as someone who's a person, i don't, and a woman. >> trevor: right. >> it's not happening. the gender pay gap, which is decades away from closing for white women, 100 plus years away from closing for black women, 200 plus years away from closing for latino women. >> trevor: wow. >> the number of c.e.o.s in the fortune 500 has declined by 25%. we're not making progress, we're not moving forward, and this is despite the fact that there's
reams of research out there, trevor, that says, you know, as a capitalist society we look for better returns. >> trevor: yes. >> and that greater diversity at the top of these companies can lead to better runs, higher profitability, greater innovation, et cetera, and we are going sideways at best and in many cases backwards. >> trevor: so you were a c.e.o. of smith barney, merrill lynch wealth management. when you were in those positions, what did you notice from the top? is there something that happens when you're a c.e.o. that, oh, i can't help the ladies, or is there a road block that is an institutional thing, what is it? ( speaking like a man ) >> well, you know, the pipeline. we've got our diversity committee and the mentoring program, but we need to let our managers manager. >> trevor: right. >> i think c.e.o.s believe in fowler of diversity but middle management is where diversity goes to die, because when it comecomes time to promote the nt
person, you say, well, i heard research that says diversity drives results, but that young man reminds me so much of myself when i was younger, i feel he's going to do a better job. >> trevor: that's a powerful way to put it because you read so many times that people hire the people who remind them of themselves, so you have a vicious psych of these men who are white, hiring white men who remind them of themselves, and sometimes it's an implies its bias, but you've said you don't believe bias training helps or the diversity programs help. >> why don't we say everything we're doing doesn't help. if we're not moving forward, what we're doing isn't working. >> trevor: what do you think would help? >> i think deciding c.e.o.s decide it will be done and overruling their managers and making sure it's done. mark at sales force says forget the reason we're paying this woman less than this white guy,
we're just closing the agenda pay dwaps and what's doing it makes the difference. >> trevor: you started the company called ellevest which is specifically geared at helping women to get investment money to start companies which is another problem. >> it's to help women invest. >> trevor: to help them invest. why is that necessary? >> right, why would we have to do that? it's money. we've talked about the gender pay gap, but there are all kinds of gender gaps and it's the gender invest gap. women don't invest as much as men and women keep their money in cash and haven't earned the returns. they've lost hundreds of millions of dollars over the course of their lives. when i worked on wall street and the investment industry, it was, women you need to change, be less risk averse and have more financial education. i sat back and said, wait a second, in an industry in which 90% of fund managers are men, 86% of financial advisors are
men, maybe it's the industry that needs to change. maybe an industry that's so male built and investing means all about winning and performing and alpha and beating the market and, trevor, the symbol of the investing industry is a bull. it's a phallic symbol. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i've seen the bulls. >> right? >> trevor: never thought of it that way. >> it's an anatomically correct phallic symbol. >> trevor: why? >> not a single woman i know says, you know, that bull just speaks to me. ( laughter ) i love that bull! no! what she sees is an industry that doesn't represent her and that has told her how to change. so i thought, why don't we start a company ellevest that actually changes -- that quits trying to change her but changes the underlying product to the way she wants to invest. >> trevor: right. so when you look at the the men
who work in the industry, you know, there are many good men who then don't seem to do the good thing. there are many men who will say, oh, i want this change to happen, i need it to happen. if they come up to you and say to you, sallie, i would love for a woman to have this position, i just don't know where to find one, where do they begin looking? >> well, that's because their network tends to be individuals who are like themselves. one thing we hear at ellevest all the time, right, because we're a financial technology company, we use technology to drive after better client experience, we hear all the time you can't find women engineers, just can't find them, right, they're impossible to find. our engineering team is 50% women. our company is 40% people of color, we're more than half women. it's because we started at the beginning by bringing in a diverse workforce, who, if they're having a good experience, reach out to their networks and say you should be here. >> trevor: right. there's also a fascinating trend that rave read about where sometimes women who are in positions of power seem to be
the ones who block other women from progressing. >> oh, now we're going deep! ( laughter ) absolutely! she's got a name. she's a queen bee. and i'll tell you exactly why she does it, because the world, the business world she's grown up in, she looks up and she says, oh, i see the leadership table, and there's one woman there. so, in order to get to that seat, i'm not competing with all of you guys, i'm competing with her. >> trevor: wow. >> and her and her. and, so, she's just being economically smart, historically, because if she wants that seat, she knows who she needs to knock out to get it. >> trevor: how do you change that thinking? >> well, again, you know, it has to come from the top, or, increasingly, it comes from the bottom, and what we're starting to see is so we women got separated, right? remember, we used to, in college, all the women, we travel in packs. we don't go anywhere if we don't
go in a pack. it's so much fun. so we get to the workforce and they separated us, we're competing against each other. these millennial women are coming together and affecting change, bleeferg in each other. >> trevor: amazing. >> they're within companies like nike, doing surveys about what was a toxic culture there and changing it. when susan fowler called out the c.e.o. of uber, they're believing her and coming around her, they're changing the paradigm. we women are 51% to have the workforce, direct 85% of consumer spending, we control seven dollars trillion of investable assets, but somehow we got convinced that we needed the men to empower us. >> trevor: damn! >> damn! >> trevor: you got deep. thank you so much for coming to the show! ( cheers and applause ) sallie krawcheck, everybody! we'll be right back! thes( cheers and applause ) ♪
look around. with artificial intelligence, we are not crawling or walking. we are flying. microsoft ai helps an architect bring history back to life. this is now. ai helps farmers grow more food with less resources. an engineer explores how ai can help the deaf see sound. innovation creates tomorrow, and tomorrow is here today.
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