tv The Daily Show With Trevor Noah Comedy Central July 23, 2020 1:15am-2:00am PDT
est i can! [crying] captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com >> trevor: well hello, everyone, welcome to the daily social distancing show, i'm trevor noah. today is wednesday the 22nd of july and as you can see, although some people are back in the office, i'm still filming the show from my apartment because there's a giant corona that is just hacking out at my desk. and i don't think can i breathe it in but you know what, better safe than sorry. anyway on tonight's episode jordan klepper sails into the heart of the trump ar a. we ta to jim carrey about writing a novel and some good news for a change, donald trump is pretending to take coronavirus seriously again. so let's do this. well could-- welcome to the daily social distancing show. >> from trevor's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the daily social distancing show with trevor noahful trdz all
right, people, let's kick it off with some ace ball news, that's right, baseball, mark's pasttime and the sport michael swrord an cheated on basketball with. the coronavirus pandemic shut down the major league season before it could even start. but now teams are ready to get under way covid style. >> as major league baseball gets ready to resume play it turns out they're going to be using crowd noise from a video game. the sounds will come from the game mlb the show, the league is hoping that combined with stadium announcers and walkup mus particular will make it sound like the stadium is are actually full. >> yes. while it is still too dangerous to fill a stadium with a real crowd, the mlb is at least going to fill it with the sounds of people watching baseball. and i think we actually have a clip of what that sounds like. blank yawning sounds (.
>> even. >> you see people watching baseball at home. so for friends who want to re-create the stadium experience at home there is a lot of things you can do to make it sound like you have been there. ed. >> they no idea grab a brary from the fridge and timely cover your bathroom-- in another man's urine, that is baseball. do i like this idea. i think we should apply to to other areas of the coronavirus lifelike a lot of us miss speaking out at restaurants. but why not just pipe in some restaurant sounds while you are eating dinner at home. >> hi there, i just wanted to see your enjoyment. >> actually you just gave me the food. so i haven't actually tasted it yet. >> no problem. i will come back in ten seconds and ask you again. >> could you just come back like after i have eaten a bumpleg of it. >> okay, that's perfect. i will come back at the most inconvenient moments but when
you need the check i will totally disappear forever. >> sounds good. >> trevor: in other news we're slowly learning coronavirus has also affected two things in america that are even more popular than base you will. disney world and stuffing your face. >> forget munching on those mickey pretzels while strolling through disney world in orlando. eating or drinking while walking has been banned to ensure that people are wearing masks while moving around the park. now in order to eat or drink people have to be stationary and six feet away from other guests. the only other time that guests are allowed to have their masks off is at special relaxation stations that are set up around the park. >> trevor: okay, so basically what happens here, disney world set up the space, you need to wear a mask unless you are eating. so everyone at the park was like no problem, i'm just always eating. so disney decided to close sna loophole and to me that is some bull shit. this he are taking away one of the main draws of disney world
which is walking around eating junk food all day. that is crucial to the disney experience as meeting mickey or going on rides or wishing you never had kids. not to mention if you are walking while eating, then you are distracted by everything else going on. if you have to sit while you eat, it gives you all the time to reflect on what you are actually eating. that is a reality no one should have to face. also how is disney going to tell us about our food hygiene when the "little mermaid" is literally over here brawshing her hair with a fork. i mean the woman collects trash. is nobody going to talk about this? she's collecting trash. but still, this is happening and we all have to get used to it i jis hope that at least they still let me take my smoothie on the roller coasters. but let's move on, while the united states is putting restrictions on people at theme parks and banning them from stadiums, germany is now so far ahead with the coronavirus, that they are actually throwing a giant concert just to see what happens. >> in germany scientists are
planning a mammoth covid-19 experiment. they're inviting 4,000 music fans to a free concert. attendees will be fitting with tracking devices and equipped with florescent hand sanitizer to help researchers better understand how to stop the virus spreading inside indoor venues. >> trevor: what a flex. now this is how you shit on the whole world. germany is having a concert with 4,000 people. meanwhile in america, you can't even do an open mic without the entire town coming down with the ronna and i don't know which band will perform but i hope they chose the rolling stones because if a lifetime of drugs can't kill those dudes, coronavirus don't stand a chance. and you know, i'm not an expert but surely there is a safer way to do this experiment, right. lake before you test it on 4,000 human beings, why not try like a concert full of rats. a lot safer and it is adorable. i mean look.
he can't play a-base guitar, rats don't have rhythm. we all know that. let's move on now to the united states corning. america's model nursing home. of the 435 members of the house of representatives, one of the most liberal is new york democrat a alexandria ocasio-cortez. and one of the most conservative is florida republican ted yoho. so when those two bump into each other in the hall, it might be no surprise that things get ugly. >> new york democratic representative alexandria ocasio-cortez accuses the florida lawmaker of a costing her on the steps of the u.s. capitol. >> yoho first approached her and told her she was-- she was dis gusting in rougher referring to her positions over unemployment and crime and she was responded calling hi rude and them as yoho walked what way from that conversation can, he calls her an fing b, actually using those words. >> moments ago on the house
floor republican congressman ted yoho apologized to congresswoman alexandria ocasio-cortez. >> the offensive name calling words attributed to me by the press were never spoken to my colleague. and if they were con streud that way, i apologize for their misunderstanding. can i not apologize for my passion or for loving my god, my family and my country. >> trevor: wow. that had to be one of the worst apologies i have heard in my life. in fact, that is the only apology i have ever heard where at the end i went wait, did i just apologize to him? because while he is saying i can't apologize for loving my god, man, loving god doesn't make you say those things. right. loving god doesn't make you profain. the pope is never out there like love surrounds us all of sons of bitches so for a guy who talks a lot about personal responsibility, ted yoho is having a pretty hard time taking
responsibility for his actions. in fact, if i may speak like a congressman, i think he's being a [bleep] bitch about this whole situation. all right, we'll take a quick break. but when we come back trump hosts a coronavirus briefing and i don't know, guys, i think he's becoming presidential. you don't want to miss it sunday dinner has always been special. these days, it's just nice to have something to look forward to. well, break out the good plates and tell the kids to wash up. because it's sunday dinner, even if it isn't necessarily sunday.
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distancing show. as coronavirus continues to spread across america, so does the stupidity of america's leaders. which means it's time for another installment of our ongoing segment, the pandumic. let's talk about president trump, the rectangle in chief. in the 47iers that es he's been president, we've gotten to know the man quite a bit.
we know that he doesn't fear the sun. we know that he likes to go vroom-vroom in a big cool truck and we know that kids love him. one of the big things we learned about him is how trump handles a crisis. right because whenever trump is dealing with a problem he has a certain set of moves that he always tries. sort of like a video game character, you know. first he pretends the problem doesn't exist. then he pretends he already solved the problem. and if that doesn't work he blames the media and the democrats for the problem he probably created. now unfortunately none of those moves have worked with coronavirus. no matter what he tries, it just keeps on spreading. so yesterday trump had no choice but to pull out his superpower move, changing his tone. >> a remarkable change of tune for president trump today, the about-face coming during a late afternoon news conference. >> the president changed his tone today after months of insisting that covid-19 was in retreat. he said it will get worse before it gets better.
>> after downplaying the virus for weeks the president came before camera with a blunt assessment. >> it will probably, unfortunately, get wrs before it gets better. something i don't like saying about things but that's the way it is. i have no problem with the masks. i i view it this way. anything that potentially can help, and that certainlily can potentially help sks a good thing. have i no problem. i carry it. i wear it. >> trevor: oh no, looks like someone finally got his covid test back, positive in a negative sense, folks. but yes, president trump is finally saying that masks work and that coronavirus could get even worse. so basically trump has turned to that one friend of yours on the group chat who insist on posting memes hot months ago. >> yo, you have seen baby yod blanca now i will say something that i myself didn't expect. st actually a little scary to hear trump talk like this. because like when a scientist says it, it is because those are the facts. when trump says it, it is
because reality is so awful that it show cuts through the thousands of layers of paranoid delusion. like you no shit is bad when even trump breaks character. you know? like if barney the dinosaur took off his headlining okay, kids' [bleep]. we're-- it's not looking good. >> are we going to sing a song. >> no, guys, we're really [bleep], it's over. >> i don't think are you allowed to say the f word, barney. >> there are many reasons why trump suddenly shifted tone. maybe it is because he is struggle bigly in the polls against joe biden or maybe it is because he has a new campaign manager. or maybe it is just because he got his ass handed to him on an interview on fox news. i mean it is one thing to get embarrassed by the liberal media, he's used to that. but when fox news is calling you out on your bs, that has got to hurt, man. because now are you getting owned in front of your friends like getting a wedgie at your own birthday party. whatever the reason, it should be obvious to anyone with a
memory bigger than a gold fish that this is a sincere change of hert because we've all been here before. >> president trump was completely different in his tone and the way he was approaching the coronavirus. >> a dramatic shift in tone from president trump yesterday. >> president trump changing his tone. >> a real change of tone there. >> to say the least from the president, a really sobering sense from the president. >> president trump just moments ago with a somber tone. >> but the overall tone, a lot more somber especially coming from president trump. >> the president did strike a very somber tone in his latest briefing. >> robin, he was as grim as he has been through this entire crisis. >> yeah. he was tricked before, people. trump decides to pretend he's taking coronavirus seriously again. and then two days later he is doing what? he's tweeting that it is all a hoax and we should just eat our krer yl with bleach. if the pases is any indication, trump's somber new tone is real as his kin stone because deep
down as much as he wants to hide it he is still trump. eastern at a press conference where he is trying to change things up, he couldn't help but do this. >> the one moment the president veered off message, when he was asked about ghislaine maxwell accused of enabling jeffrey epstein's exploitation of mine errs. >> i don't know, i haven't really been following it too much. i just wish her well, frankly. have i met her numerous times over the year, especially since i lived in palm beach. and i guess they lived in palm beach. but i wish her well. whatever it is. >> trevor: okay. so just to recap. colin kaepernick, son of a bitch. accused child sex trafficker, i wish her well. this is the one time when nobody would have been upset if trump had used one much his trademark insults. low iqified, hater, loser, psycho, lock her up, anything. instead this is the time that trump chooses to suddenly become a feminist, she broke the glass
ceiling of sex traffickingk you have got to respect that. but look, aside from that one time when he wished an alleged sex trafficker well, he did manage to reign it in for one press conference. and i guess that's the lesson here. as long as trump sticks to the scripted, doesn't tell us what he thinks and doesn't ak on any of his own impulsesk then he makes a pretty dope president. but in he is allowed to actually do what he wants, well then america, i wish you well. don't go away. because after the break, jordan klepper meets some of the trump's beautiful vote introat boaters and then we'll be chatting with a comedy legend, jim carrey. jim carrey. we'll be right
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coronavirus has shut down a lot of things this america, schools, movie theaters, churches an of course trump rallies. and no one was more upset about this than our very own jordan klepper. but after months stuck in his apartment jordan has found a safe way to get back out with phis favorite people and to once again finger the pulse. >> in the era of covid social gatherings come with a certain amount of risk. but trump supporters have found safer footing on water so i chart ared a boat with the new jersey baby, the site of a trump rally on boats. while the president himself isn't there, he shouted out to his beautiful boaters and it is the perfect way for me to get back out into the field. to get my sea legs under me i had to talk to a real deal yachtsman like captain john of tom's river, safe social distancing practices meant staging an interview that was not awkward at all. >> we're going to the donald
trump parade today. and rally. we're expect over a thousand boats. >> i got to say, i'm getting a little boat envy here. >> boat envy, pennist envy, you know. >> i was making that connection too, enough land talk, i wanted to see just how impressive these beautiful boaters were. st a line of trump boats as far as the eye can he soo. it really just keeps going. it is like an election polling place in a minority district. >> who are you voting for? >> donald trump! >> who are you-- who are you voting for. >> donald j. trump. >> must be undecided. usually not so worried out on the water, but technically this is an entire armada of jersey drivers. >> [bleep] you too. little history, we are here on the jersey shore, that is the cove where snookie got fingered and the beach that chris
christie hogged to himself. >> make america great again. >> is a weird slogan for an incumbent. >> i'm worried about covid. >> boaters absolutely love him. and the president loves boating. but why? well, because a lot of beautiful women come with the deal, number one. and he's always, loved women, you know, that was obvious when i first met him. and you know, as another man i could tell. >> you could tell. >> his way of looking at a woman, and just stroking them with your eyes. >> yeah, that is kind of guy you want in charge. >> i was on his motor yacht in atlantic stivment he threw a party on it, i was a guest on board. >> you were a guest on board. >> it was great. don johnson was there, ron robin leach, really a who's who. >> what trump wife was allowed to be on the boat, what trump mistress and future wife was on the boat. >> i pet both of his lives in past years, first one and the second one.
i remember the first time i met him his aura came in the room before he did. >> if you had to arrange trump energy from a sciel of 0 to 130,000, what would you rank it at. >> the top of the spectrum. >> 130,000. >> yeah, close to. >> 140,000, these numbers keep going up. >> i know, but is he that powerful. he is getting bombarded from all sides and he is just standing there he's not flinching. >> it is almost like he's doing nothing. >> in many ways are you correct. >> do you suppose the basic tenets of the black lives matter movement? >> oh, okay w you understand that the-- is thag with a all together have to collectively work together to dismantle? >> i don't know if they are understanding. looks like something more your speed. >> what is your favorite bon jovi song. >> i wonder what the relationship is between number of flags and mid life sexual
insecurity. >> one-to-one? >> if you can't beat them, join them. so i used mar time signal flags to speak the beautiful language of the trump, as the day wound down it was clear the event was a success. of course the threshhold was pretty low. >> or one minority to be fair. >> that's true but you will see everybody here. everybody that. >> it is very diverse. i see yachts. i see skips, i see jet skis. >> sure, the rest of the country is suffering through a his por-- historic pandemic and major reckoning but out hear for the bare chested admiral, the jet ski superheroes and froze pilot there is still only one man-- to be president. >> he doesn't speak like a normal politician but he talks
like a billionaire and a businessman out of new york. i know a lot of people, because i'm a businessman. i have lots of friends that are successful business people. and he, you know, he's really perfect for the jb right now. >> do you think are you speaking from a position of privilege. >> not so much privilege but just my instinct, again. >> to be clear, your position is on the front of a 50 foot long yacht. >> 70. >> 70. >> yes. >> but are you a common man. >> i am. >> you might think hours in the hot sun bouncing on choppy seas listening to choppy argues might take its toll on a liberal land lover like myself. ang you'd be right. >> jordan klepper, everybody. after the break, i will be speaking to one of my comedy heroes and probably yours, jim carrey, so stick hey, kids! welcome to camp tonsafun on xfinity! it's summer camp, but in your living room.
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daily social distancing show, earlier today i spoke with jim carrey the award-winning actor, artist and now new york times best selling author. we spoke about the fascinating novel he wrote with dana vachon called memoirs and misinformation. jim carrey, welcome to the daily social distancing show. >> thank you, man.
great to be here. so great to be here. >> trevor: you are one the most unique talents that we've seen, and i mean across-the-board, you know, whether it's been standup comedy, drama it doesn't mat are. when jim carrey does something, i do it differently, that is what you are known for. >> an aberration. >> trevor: you have written a memoir that is part reality, part fiction. i didn't understand it because i was told hey jim carrey wrote a memoir. and i'm like oh man, i'm excited then i read the book and called the person, i said is this real, they were like it is but it isn't. you can explain what you have written. >> i approach everything i do as something that could be completely untrue. and yet there will be parts of it that will be things that will be absolutely authentic. >> okay, maybe that is a blanket statement. but in this case, you know, this
was the best way to get my truth out there, everything to say everything i need to say and do it in a way that is completely entertaining and you know, harkens back to dante and all of those wonderful stories of king arthur and nights of the round table. and i just love that concept. so when we started writing together, dana and i started writing we were really just having a conversation, a friendship, and such wild ideas came out of that, that we had to go with it. we had to go with it. we didn't want to do a memoir. we didn't want to take stock of all the things that have happened to me and celebrate them and say oh, and by the way,-- you know, it wasn't going to do that, it was going to be something different. >> do you want the readers to know what is real and what is snot real in the become or is this your way of telling us the truth without telling us what is
real. >> i think people have an inner computer. an inner sense of discertainment that deciphers what is real and not real. even in fiction. the best fiction, is basically telling the story of what happened to us right now. st not only a prove see, it is a truism, there is this crazy, power hungry white maniac who's trying to take the squad down and all the races down with t hell-bent on finding the biggest white co drrks-- that is that book, you can do that with fiction, fiction is a way to tell the truth. >> then let me ask you this, you have included celebrities in the book, right. >> like for instance you have gwyneth paltrow, kayne west, nicholas cage. but then tom cruise is, i think tom cruise is in the book but you refer to him of laser jack
lightning. >> yeah. one right want right for the essence of the character there. you know, because you realize are you being probed, and the laser is active, he's looking for things. behind your eye, some. and so in a way, kind of using let i believe usness of hollywood and just kind of gave a little nod to that whole concept, that some people have -- you have to be careful with. >> trevor: you wrote notes to people though, has anyone given you feedback, has anyone contacted you back and is like yo. >> okay. so in the zone danger field, without rodney and so happy with how rodney turned out in the book and how i brought him back. i'm looking forward to everyone's reaction. i'm waiting for a letter from hodge kins tom hanks has written
something to me, i have spoken to the powers that be. or you know, i'm sure-- so you know, yeah it is a wild thing. and you know, people will see things in this book. i can i read you a snippet, in the story of charlie kaufman is trying to convince him to play chairman mao. much course that is absolutely unheard of. >> i really found this part of the book interesting because here you were talking about just like the essence of what hollywood is going through now, trying to decide who can play who, can people play someone who may have been a different ethnicity or different culture or different-- and it is interesting in the book you as the jim or not jim are going through this process. >> there is a question of whether it is right at all, and charlie comes up with some-- playing an actor playing an actor playing chairman mao who has all these problems in
his country. so one night at a dinner party in my swankie backyard i speak and i give a toast during the dinner and it causes a few problems. it say small part of it. >> the american citizen is so lost. he doesn't realize he's-- he's-- drugged and poisoned from the cradle to the grave, chained to possible death, never, ever free. this say land of invisible fences, we're all prisoners watching-- on movie night but nothing lasts forever. -- you think america will be different? do you think this era not one of consumption will last forever.
it will not. we are going 6,000 miles around the sun and nobody is driving this said gary busey. it was halfway up an 80 foot pine tree. >> trevor: mr. carrey, you have got the part. congratulations. >> thank you, sir. >> trevor: is sounds like a lot of the book was about persona. the idea of person blanca who we are, who we think we are, who we wish people want us, who we want them so see us as. >> it is something you have to drag around with you, when you show up you have to be socially concerned, politically adept person, you know what i mean. >> trevor: right. >> so you might be happy to be that at certain times but not all the time. that's not who you are ultimately. there is nothing you want, you know. so that is my personal belief and that's the belief i try to
espouse in the book. we got to a place that was not only kind of science fiction but it was spiritual, mehtaphysical t is something of a way for the reading audience to forgive themselves from them selves for the burden of their on construct. and so i think we accomplished that. i think we gave at least a moment of freedom. >> trevor: when did you get to the place, yeah, when did you get to the place where you were like i've got to break out a little of what everyone thinks i am and try and flex a little more of who i am. >> i think the moment of shifting is somewhere around when i was playing any kaufman and got so deep in that character and sort of lost myself as andy and tony. and afterwards i found myself struggling to remember gern who jim carrey was and what his political beliefs are, and what his choices are and his
aesthetic. and it was really awakening for me. it gave me a kind of point of view into the frailty of persona if i can play somebody else's persona and get lost it in and assume it, then who is jim carrey, who is that guy, you know. and so life becomes kind of a two-step thing at that point where you start to go okay, there is a character i play. i want it to itself right, i want it to be a good avatar. i have-- have i to treat my av a star well. and what is that avatar going to do in this world. how is he going to represent. what is he going to represent. is he going to represent love, is he going to represent desperation and greed, is he going to represent compromise, you know. so those are the choices i'm making for that avatar every day
in everything i do. and then there is the absolute truth which is there is knock i'm not there is nothing i can lose, there is no family i don't belong to. there is no one suffering that isn't a part of me, you know. and no one excelling that isn't a part of me. it goes beyond that even. it goes beyond this planet in my mind. those moments of freedom are moments where you conduct with the everything, which is what we really, truly are. it is why we are never satisfied no matter how we build our characters, how tough an testify long this thing we create is, we're never satisfied. because it is too small, no matter how big the elvis inside us gets, it's too small to represent who you are. it can't possibly represent who you are. i laugh when people say why don't you just be funny.
i go funny, let me find funny, hold on t sunday this finger nail here. it's a part. it say part, of the wonderful wholeness that is there for anybody any time, you know it. >> trevor: it is interesting that you talk about connecting with family. before i let you go i wanted to delve into that because you dedicate the book to your brother. tell me why and what do you hope either to get from that dead are kaition or would have hoped to give. >> well, what i want to do is tell the world i had a very special brother. and he passed away. last year. he suffered with applause particular anaemia his whole life. he was 60 when he passed. and he wore it like a champion, luke a champion. like this guy never complained.
he never said oh may god, i can't do things because of what i have or what i am dealing with. he was on death's door from the time he was four years old, you know, until 60, and i raised a beautiful family and he created gorgeous, gorgeous teunlts and beautiful aura around him and his family and was a very dedicated father. and so yeah, and i talk about him in the book because we went through the hardest times together, the craziest times where i would walk into the factory, he was beating the crap out of his cleaning machine. or he would be up in the security office an looking at the monitors and suddenly see some lunatic sitting on a 2x4 in a book going down this giant cable in the ceiling, going in front of the security camera. it would be me. we had the worst and best of
times together. and he is a beautiful person. i think i sent a picture to you guys from john's weddingk and he cursed a lot, he cursed a ton but he broke up words with the f word. sill antically, so. >> trevor: well, thank you, man, thank you, jum for sharing. and thank you for breaking it down. i hope everyone who reads the book really approaches you in a way that you have laid it out. in that nothing it true but everything is real. and i really appreciate that. so thank you so much for joining us. >> i get confused may self, flipping back and forth, who knows. >> trevor: look after yourself, my friend. >> thank you for what are you doing, man, you're doing a wonderful job. >> trevor: thank you. >> yeah, you picked up a hell of a weight and you're wearing it
really well, so thank you for that. >> trevor: thank you, my friend. lack after yourself. >> you too. >> trevor: thank you so much for that, jim. well, that's our show for tonight. but before we g i just wanted to remind you that america is facing a nationwide poll worker shortage. and because most poll workers are over 60 and coronavirus is still out there, they are understandably not showing up. but fewer poll workers means fewer polling stations are open and it means longer lines that not everybody can afford to stay and wait in especially into poorer communities and communities of color. now the good news is most poll working is paid. and in some states you can be as young as 60 to get the job. so if you are interested and you have the time, this is your chance, man. save your granny, protect democracy and get paid at the same time. sign up at the link below to learn more. until tomorrow, stay safe out there, and keep your somber tone. but now here it is, your moment of zen.
>> that's what it felt like, honest to god, that is what it feels like, republicans say good job, mr. president, you're wearing a mask. good job sitting on the toilet. captioning sponsored by comedy captioning sponsored by - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪