tv The Daily Show With Trevor Noah Comedy Central May 10, 2022 11:00pm-11:47pm PDT
dwight schrute: it. if your kid doesn't put in some farm time, he's going to stay like that. fannie: all right, fine. [opera music] ♪ ♪ - okay, that was a tough question. so raise your hand if you know the answer. - photosynthesis. [whispering] photosynthesis. - photosynthesis. - yes, annabelle? - antarctica! - that's right, annabelle! the answer is antarctica. - well, when i was in school, it was photosynthesis. - now, what is the pythagorean theorem? can anyone else answer besides annabelle? [phone blips] are any of you even doing the assignments i'm giving? [suspenseful music] ♪ ♪
- no! no! wait. [dramatic music] maybe it was a mistake. cnn just posted it by accident. everything's fine, it was chris cuomo and his fat fingers, that's all. everything's good. everything's fine. we're good! everything's good! [breathing loudly] wait. maybe this is a dream and i'm still naked. oh, god! "roe v. wade!" ugh. everything's fine, everything's good. gotta stay hydrated when everything's normal. [phone notifications dinging] [whimpers] [breathing loudly] [bleep]! [bleep]!
[rock music] sorry, miss brittany. rbg. [phone notification dings] - [bleep]! ♪ ♪ [applause] - have you thought, "how many women is enough?" - nine. - oh. [laughter and applause] oh. [cheers and applause] - we're not there yet. - [laughs] - well, there have been nine men there for a long, long time, right? so why not nine women? - woo! - yeah. - [sighs] it's been 41 days since justice ginsburg died. and in that time, amy coney barrett has been confirmed to the supreme court. and i've thrown and cracked 24 cell phone screens. not all of them mine.
- hey, babe? have you seen my phone? - but you know what? we have decades to worry about that human chastity belt. right now, i want to talk about rbg. ruth bader ginsburg's death has hit a lot of people hard, especially women. - [bleep]! - and i think it's because-- - mommy? - i think it's because-- - mommy? - buddy, can mommy please just have two minutes to cry in a closet? - again? - i think it's because, as american women, ruth is a big reason why we've made it this far. long before she got to spend 27 years in the middle of this comb-over sandwich, rbg was already changing the world for women. in 1972, she cofounded the aclu's women's rights project. there, alongside pioneers like dorothy kenyon and pauli murray, she spent years carefully laying the groundwork to force u.s. law to acknowledge something radical. women are, like, full-on people. - nobody in our country did more for the advancement of women in terms of women's equality. - justice ruth bader ginsburg devoted her life
to fight for equal justice. - she's an american icon. she was a huge glass ceiling breaker for all women. - i would like to show my granddaughters that the equal citizenship stature of men and women is a fundamental human right. - ruth argued six cases before the supreme court and won five of them, and that wasn't easy. at the time, the supreme court was all male. it was an era when the supreme court women's bathroom was still a second men's bathroom they used just for farting. so how did she convince these nine gentlemen to care about gender equality? she brought discrimination cases where the injured parties were men. it was a genius move. the legal equivalent of hiding dog medicine inside a piece of cheese. her advocacy brought down legal discrimination all over this country. in new york, she helped flight attendants sue for pregnancy discrimination. in oklahoma, she defeated a law that mandated different drinking ages
for men and women. and in missouri, she fought a law that allowed women to opt out of serving on juries. and you may think jury duty is boring, but having female jurors is so important. it's the only reason women aren't convicted of witchcraft anymore. finally i can cast my midnight spells in peace. and it was after all that that rbg spent 27 more years as one of america's greatest justices. her accomplishments were immense, and her death means a lot of people are very [bleep]. or, as the french say, "très [bleep]." which is all so infuriating. and i know that part of grief is letting go of that anger, but... what if i want to hang on to my anger? - babe, seriously. where's my phone? ♪ ♪ - to find out, i spoke to rebecca traister, who wrote a book about the revolutionary power of women's anger, and knows a thing or two about publicly expressing her feelings, which then got turned into this. ♪ ♪ - i am the crying, drunken liberal
of the right wing's dreams. - if it makes you feel any better, i've never done a tv interview without drinking. ♪ ♪ [sighs] rebecca, i need you to help walk me through-- i just-- i'm so-- and then-- - it is okay to feel angry. not only is it okay to feel angry, it is entirely appropriate to our dire circumstances to feel alight with fury. - good. 'cause i am mad. - you should be mad. you can start out with being mad at the senate and senate republicans. you can be mad at a senate that blocked barack obama's judicial nominations... - yep. - in hundreds of cases. - right. - you can be mad at senate democrats who didn't fight harder and more fiercely against it. - god, there's a lot to be mad at. - you can be mad at a senate that has confirmed a record number of donald trump appointees,
including many who have been rated unqualified. - that pretty much wraps it--nope. - you can also be mad at the electoral college. - yeah, that too. plus christmas is coming up, which means so many more sad women are gonna be forced to ride pelotons. [crying] - welcome to your cry ride. - [wails] - it is your responsibility to be livid. we are surrounded by inequity, injustice, and broken and perverted systems. we should be angry. - "inequity, injustice, and broken and perverted systems." that should be the 2020 slogan. there's so much to be angry about. in fact, some people are even angry at rbg herself. - it's very natural that there are going to be a lot of people who are reasonably critical and angry. and they're gonna want to look for an outlet for that anger and a lot of them are gonna look at ruth bader ginsburg who did not choose to retire during obama's administration. - should people be upset with her over that? - i think it is problematic to lay all of the blame
and villainy for our current predicament on her shoulders. but i think it is equally problematic to have held her up as a perfect and one-dimensional hero who is no more than a t-shirt slogan or a coffee mug slogan. it's really important and understandable that we look to her and celebrate her work. her record was certainly not perfect. her record of legislating around tribal lands was not perfect. her record of hiring african american clerks was problematic. it's perfectly normal that people we admire are also disappointing. they're human beings, and, therefore, complex. so it's okay to feel frustrated. what's not okay is to think that the future of our judiciary and our democracy rested on her shoulders alone. - though, to be fair, i did hear that she used to do high-interval training with the rock. - right. the notion that our survival depended on her survival
was always flawed. - well, yeah, when you put it that way. - ruth bader ginsburg's career, in part, was built on working to change the system, and that's what we need to do, is work to change the system. - you know what? we should drink to this. cheers. - to staying angry. - and to changing the system. [rousing music] wait, how do we change the system? [mellow music] - so we came down the aisle. charles picked all the music. we came down--running down with "please, mr. postman." - "mr. sandman." - "mr. sandman." - a very nice edited version. - yes. now, this was before the supreme court had handed down its decision. then she said, "now, by the power vested in me, and by the constitution of the united states--" and the place went crazy! - i mean... - it wasn't just the gay... - erupted. - audience, it erupted.
and then, "i pronounce you married." that's what she said. and then we kissed each other and then ran back down the aisle to the music from "breakfast at tiffany's." it wasn't yet law, but it was said in a lawful ceremony for the first time. we miss her, and so does america. welcome to the next level. this is the lexus nx with intuitive tech...
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you will stop feeling sorry for yourself and you will find a way. that... that advice has stood me in good stead my entire life. the question is, "do i want this enough?" if the answer is "yes," i find a way. - so after spending two days in my closet, i'm sure about two things. one, i went way too hard into the boyfriend blazer look. and two, losing rbg isn't just losing progress. now that her seat has been filled with a sixth conservative justice, it means moving backwards. and it's not just on abortion rights. what's left of the voting rights act could well be finished off, lgbtq rights could be rolled back, a 6-3 scotus is also much likelier to strike down big climate change legislation. basically, unless you're a straight cis white guy with gills who loves forest fires, then right-wing pam beesly over here is gonna screw you over personally. so what do we do? - we must dismantle the superstructure
that protects corrupt power. we need to return to democratic norms violated and broken by the senate gop and this administration. we need to take whatever action is necessary. - sure. flamethrowers, wood chippers, nunchucks. - or expand the size of the court. - shit on their doorsteps, shit on their neighbor's doorsteps, shit on their neighbor's neighbor's doorstep. - i'm advocating for expanding the size of the court. - i like that. how would one go about expanding the court and shitting on their doorsteps? - if you do the first, you don't need to do the second. you add seats to the supreme court, you restore the essential checks and balances that we need in a democratic system, and that is why i'm focused on "take back the court." - what exactly is "take back the court"? - it's a two-year-old project focused on expanding the size of the u.s. supreme court, and thereby restoring and preserving democracy. - isn't it against one of the long-standing pillars of the democratic party of being total pussies?
- i can agree that i have shared the frustration of many. we have to stop reacting as if the sky is falling, but not doing anything about it. - but this idea isn't popular with everyone. even rbg herself spoke against it in 2018. - but she's an institutionalist. i'm certain that even in her worst nightmare, she did not imagine that mitch mcconnell and the gop senate would ram through an utterly unqualified successor to her seat. - would this be stooping to their level? - the only reason to respond to the theft is to stop bringing cotton candy to a knife fight. we need to get in the ring, we need to go toe-to-toe, and we need to take the steps necessary to restore democracy. - cotton candy to a knife fight is not helpful. even worse, bringing a knife to a cotton candy fight. turns out clowns do bleed. [soft dramatic music]
- are you okay? [music stops] - yeah, fine. how long has it been since the number of justices changed? has it been like 100 years or something like that? - four. the number of justices changed four years ago in 2016 when the gop mitch mcconnell-led senate refused to confirm merrick garland to the court, and the number of justices went from nine to eight. - mm, that's right. those sneaky mitches. we say "mitch" in this house instead of the "b" word. just trying to raise a little gentleman. not some little mitch. and, ironically, these conservative justices seem to be a renewable resource. - there's an organization that was set up decades ago called "the federalist society." and now, they are the funnel for every single judge that is appointed to a district or circuit court under a republican governor or the senate gop.
some of these judges have been rated not qualified by the american bar association. some of them have only been lawyers for four or five years and, get this, never tried a case. - how is that not criminal? - and now, they're sitting in federal circuit courts with lifetime appointments. we have to do something. we have to act. and the most effective proportional response is to expand the size of the court. - so, basically, if we can't expand the court, we're [bleep]. - in so many words, yes. - son of a mitch! [upbeat music] it's clear the democrats have to do something. the question imani gandy is asking is, "will they?" - democrats need to sack up. within two weeks of the election, the supreme court is set to hear a case that could overturn the aca. they're also set to hear a case called "fulton v. city of philadelphia" and that's going to decide whether or not
government-funded foster care agencies can discriminate against lgbtq couples and non-christian couples who want to adopt or foster children. when i say the democrats have to do this, i mean they have to do it immediately, because these cases are going to be decided next term. republicans just don't give a [bleep], and democrats give too much of a [bleep]. - democrats are good at some stuff too. you know, like rubbing their temples and going, "no, why is this happening?" and they're getting a lot better at the insult thing. i mean, did you hear pelosi's nickname for trump? - i missed it, no. - "not as smart as we would hope he'd be in an ideal situation, donald." - whew! what do you say to that? - yeah, it's pretty good. - yeah, yeah, yeah. - pretty catchy. a conservative court might be good for corporations, but they could also allow new regulations into every part of our lady business. - what you're going to see is amy coney barrett and the rest of the conservatives
on the court accepting abortion restrictions that ruth bader ginsburg would not have accepted. so, for example, there was this big hubbub about a law in louisiana and whether or not this law was gonna close basically all of the clinics in louisiana. ginsburg and breyer and sotomayor and kagan and roberts, shockingly, said, "no, we're not gonna do that right now." if that case were to come up before this court, the amy coney barrett court, louisiana would have won. and there would be one abortion clinic in the entire state. - so they will chip away at our reproductive rights, but only in states like alabama, texas, ohio, louisiana, missouri, kentucky, florida... - south and north carolina. - north and south dakota. - yeah. - oh, tennessee. - mm-hmm. - arizona. - mm-hmm. - ugh. no. why is this happening?
what is the likelihood that expanding the court could actually happen? - it's not entirely impossible. it's gonna take a lot of all-caps tweets to people like chuck schumer. and the fact of the matter is, people are really tired right now, you know? it's been four years of this trauma. we've been locked in our homes for, going on, you know, eight months now. - these four years have been exhausting. i tried getting one of those sleep tracking apps, and the data showed that i died three years ago. - i really think that the baton needs to be passed to younger people, needs to be passed to non-white people. these are people that aren't going to kowtow to, like, mitch mcconnell and his turtle ass. and that's what the american people need right now-- someone to just blow shit up. i just want someone to do something, you know? i just wants democrats to quit being nut sacks, essentially. - you realize that the democrats move pretty slowly. - i know. - i mean, chuck schumer went to the bathroom last tuesday, and he still hasn't come out.
someone should go check on him. [mellow music] - i first met ruth bader ginsburg on the telephone 48 years ago. and we soon became personal friends. she loved to laugh. there was a play in washington about a supreme court case that involved pornography and they were doing previews of it. and in the play, there's a scene near the end where the principal character, who's a lawyer, comes out, and he's stark naked. and i'm sitting in the front row, and you can imagine what i'm looking at. pff, like this. and so--and she was due to do one of these previews. so i said to her, "ruth, let me just warn you." and so she started to laugh and she said, "well, i guess i'll just have to sit a few rows farther back." [laughs] - it's very hard to do anything as a loner, ♪
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you can be a force for change. - [sighs] there's no getting around it. the loss of rbg on the supreme court is a huge blow, and there's no quick fix. not even watching that clip of kim cattrall scatting will cheer me up. - [scatting] ♪ ♪ - she is not very good at this. it's gotta be, like... [scatting loudly] look, we can't scat our way out of depression. we need to make a plan. i think i know just the woman. i don't like too much powder because sometimes it can age. you know what i mean? i like to still keep, like, a little bit of a dewiness. [soft dramatic music] oh, okay. good, go, go, go, go. hi, senator warren! - hello! - senator warren, you have a plan for everything. what is your plan to protect justice ginsburg's legacy? - we've counted for so long on the courts to protect us.
if we can't do that, then what we're going to do is we're gonna have to do this through the legislative process. we will pass health care again. we will pass a bill for "roe v. wade." we can do this by statute. we can do the things we need to do. we just have to stay in the fight. and then, after the election? look, it's all on the table. that's how it should be. - it's all on the table. - but it's also about flipping the senate because if we had a democratic senate, this would not be happening. and we need to hold these republicans accountable. - you had a personal relationship with justice ginsburg. what would she want us to do now? cry into a white claw? 'cause if so, i've got that covered. - [laughs] no. justice ginsburg was a fighter. you know? and she was a strategic fighter. she changed what was possible for women all across this nation and around the world
and she did that by staying in every fight. remember, she lost some of them. she got knocked back from time to time, but her response was she got back up, dusted herself off, and went straight back in tougher than ever. - so many of us put all this pressure on justice ginsburg to be the one to save us, and it's really unfair. now that she's no longer here, i think my biggest question is, will you be our new mommy? - [laughs] i'm in this fight all the way, but you have to remember. we're all strong. not just me, all of us. we cannot give up on this, desi. we can't just say, "oh, we've lost the courts, so now we're done." mm-mm. nope. that's not how this works. that's not how this worked for someone like ruth ginsburg. we need to honor ruth with action. we need to channel grief into change. that's how we honor ruth, and that's how we build a real future.
- thank you, senator warren. thank you. - all right, you take care now. - stay in the fight! [hopeful music] yes, channel grief into change. and, yes, things are dark right now, and ruth bader ginsburg can't save us. we have to save ourselves. but you know what? we can do that. what? acceptance? forget that, i'm not accepting shit. we need to fight like hell. [rock music] i know what you need to do. you know what we all need to do. - vote. - vote. - uh, vote. - vote. - boat. - vote. - vo-- - no, no, no, guys. i mean--yes, you definitely have to vote. go vote, but, also, we should be thinking long-game. just like rbg herself said, real change, enduring change happens one step at a time. so no matter what happens on november 3rd, we have to keep fighting for change.
here are a few organizations that you can get involved with to do that. there's the aclu women's rights project founded by ginsburg herself. or, how about, "she should run"? it's a non-profit that encourages more women to run for public office. there's equal justice works, which funds young lawyers to work on public interest projects, and "ms. jd," which inspires and supports women to pursue legal professions. they're basically funding the rbgs of tomorrow. and, most importantly, keep fighting. thank you, rbg. i hope you know how much you meant to women everywhere. i hope we'll always have women like you who stand up for justice and equality, and whose names can effortlessly be combined with that of a famous rapper. anyway, this is ll cool lydic signing off. ♪ ♪ - definitely i think our favorite day of filming was the opportunity to be with her in the gym. - the door opens, in she walks with her "super diva!" sweatshirt.
- we did not believe that she could really do 20 push-ups and, like, rounds of planks and side planks. - julie and i were kind of crouched in the corner trying to keep out of the way of the shot and looking at each other like we could not believe this. you know, it was a real inspiration. both of us started working out after that. - it was also deeply moving. when she was determined to do something, god damn it, she did it. there are lots of choices when it comes to your internet and technology needs. but when you choose comcast business internet, you choose the largest, fastest reliable network. you choose advanced security. and you choose fiber solutions with speeds up to 10 gigs available to more small businesses than any other provider. the choice is clear:
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hey, is it my imagination, or do really good-looking women walk a lot faster than everybody else? we don't walk that fast. no, seriously. seriously, we don't. and the better looking they are, the faster they go. i mean, i see them out there on the street. they're zooming around. they're a blur. it's like they got a motor on their ass. hey, jerry, come on. let's go! we're gonna miss the previews. what's the big hurry? hey, how are we getting to scott drake's party on saturday night? oh, drake's party. i forgot to buy a present. what, i gotta buy a present now? of course you do. it's an engagement party. oh, it never ends, this present stuff.
engagement present. then they get married. you gotta get them something for that. then a baby, there's another present. then the baby starts getting their presents. i don't even like drake. you don't like the drake? -i hate the drake. -i love the drake. how could you not like the drake? -who's the drake? -who's the drake? -the drake is good. -no... so listen, what are you gonna get him? you know, i haven't even met the fiancée. oh, whatever! elaine, look, i drew this triangle freehand. it's a doodle. it's perfect! so what? that's easy. easy? hey, have you gotten a present yet for the drake? uh, no, no, not yet. -do you like the drake? -i love the drake. i'm looking forward to meeting the drakette. i'm lukewarm about the drakette. boy, that's a nice triangle. it's isosceles. ooh...
isosceles. you know, i love the name "isosceles." if i had a kid, i would name him isosceles. isosceles kramer. hey, you know what. maybe we should all chip in for the gift. the chip-in! -hey, pretty good idea. -yeah. the chip-in! definitely. let's go to that mall in lynbrook before we go to the party, but we'll have to take your car. it's got the most room. no, no, my car's not running. what about your father's car? no, no, no, out of the question. i was over there today. he's got the good spot in front of the good building in the good neighborhood. i know he's not gonna want to move it. are you serious? you don't know what that spot means to him. once he gets it, he doesn't go out for weeks. how about this. you put your car in the good spot. that'll hold the good spot in front of the good building, and we can get the good car. -good thinking. -good to meet you. elaine: so, what are we gonna get him? jerry: we can get him anything we want. we're chipping in. i like this area. i could live out here. yeah, we ought to all get a house and live together. yeah, that's a good idea. i'll tell you what, chuckles, i give you permission to sublet my room right now.
george: look at this. there's no spaces here. -excuse me, are you getting out? -man: no. why don't you take the handicapped spot? -you think? -no, no, we'll find a space. there's spaces in the other lot. oh, i don't wanna walk that far. no! what if a handicapped person needs it? oh, come on. they don't drive. yes, they do. have you ever seen a handicapped person pull into a space and park? well, the space is there. they must drive. no, they don't. if they could drive, they wouldn't be handicapped. so if you can drive, you're not handicapped? we're not gonna be that long anyway. we gotta get to the party. i got news for you. handicapped people, they don't even want to park there. they want to be treated just like everybody else. that's why those spaces are always empty. he's right. it's the same thing with the feminists. you know, they want everything to be equal, everything, but when the check comes, where are they? what does that mean? [scoffs] yeah. -all right, i'm pulling in. -go ahead, george. elaine: george! george: oh, come on. it's five minutes.
make sure that we don't forget where the car is parked. don't worry about it. [all talking indistinctly] do you believe the deal we got on this? a big-screen tv at that price. what a sale, huh? and how about that store, delivering it tonight? we're gonna be swimming in thank-yous. what'd i get the veggie burger for? you got a veggie burger, so i had to get a veggie burger. it's like eating a loaf of crumbs. no one's gonna have a better gift than this big-screen tv. good for them. -love the drake. -yeah. got to love the drake! [sirens wailing, police radio chatter] hey, what's going on over here? elaine: there must've been an accident. hey, what's going on? some jerk parked in the handicapped spot, so this woman in a wheelchair had to wheel up this incline, and, halfway up, her batteries gave out, and she rolled backwards into the wall. had to take her to st. elizabeth's. is she okay? i don't know. we're just waiting here for the owner of this car to show up. he may not get out alive. lazy bum, taking up a handicapped spot.
he's gonna pay. sons of bitches! well, good luck finding them-- him, whatever. i'd like to stick around and get my hands on him myself, but i got to take off. we're gonna get you, you coward! oh, my god. how are we going to get outta here? they'll kill us. are you happy? are you happy now? how long you think these people -are gonna be here? -i don't know. what about the party? what about the drake? -screw the drake. -i love the drake. let's just take a bus back into the city. -i can't leave the car here. -why not? it's my father's car. -let's smash it! -all: yeah! hey, hey, leave this car alone! all right. let's get outta here. we gotta figure something out. what are we gonna do? how are we gonna get out of here? even if we go back by the car, and they're not there, how do we know they're not all hiding, waiting for us? they have to give up sometime. they can't stay all night. what are we, john dillinger? i mean, how did this get to be the crime of the century? it's not like we stuck a broomstick in her spokes, and she went flying. what i don't get is, just because the batteries went dead,
you'd think she'd be able to roll it up the hill with her hands. you'd think. i mean, batteries have gone dead before. aren't they prepared for that? you know, most of them don't even have batteries. it must have been one of those rich, spoiled, handicapped people who didn't want to do any work. just wanted to sit in her wheelchair -and take it easy. -yeah. well, i'm sorry. our big-screen tv is probably arriving just about now. how are we gonna get out of here? we need a plan. i got it. we'll give the keys to elaine. yeah, you're a woman. men won't hit a woman. oh, they won't? not if they don't know you. i'm not going for this. kramer should go, you know? it was all his idea. no chance in hell. what if we created some sort of a diversion? what if we went over by the car, and we just started screaming, "hey, there he is! "there's the guy that took the handicapped spot," and then, when they all run in the other direction, -we'll jump in the car. -oh, that's good -let's give it a try. -that's good. -if that doesn't work, we'll give them kramer. -huh?
george: my god. [whimpering] you know, a lot of these scratches will buff right out. eight years i had that car. not a scratch on it. eight years! -two bam. -three dot. a beautiful mercury. i special-ordered that bench seat. dad, this other car cut us off. they had swastikas all over it. they-- they were hurling racial epithets at us. i could have been killed. i told you not to give it to him. -three crack. -four bam. -soap. -you know, my insurance doesn't even cover this.
the whole thing is a total loss. frank, the important thing is he didn't get hurt. no, it isn't! so, what are you doing now, georgie? north. i'm writing a pilot for nbc. where the hell's my paper? you're writing a pilot? with his friend jerry seinfeld, the comedian. so, what's it about? well, jerry's car gets hit, and the other driver doesn't have any insurance, so the judge sentences him to be jerry's butler. -it's the same situation. -exactly the same. frank, maybe you ought to make him your butler. flower. every time you're with that kramer, something happens. he's a real troublemaker. he didn't have anything to do with it. he's altogether crazy, that one, and jerry, i used to think, was nice. i don't know what happened to him. nine bam. -one dot. -two crack.