tv The Daily Show With Trevor Noah Comedy Central June 2, 2022 11:00pm-11:46pm PDT
above the sink. above the sink. hmm. captioning by courtney at captionmax www.captionmax.com >> announcer: coming to you from new york city, the only city in america, it's "the daily show." tonight: the queen throwing a rager. the door-control debate. and sergiy kyslytsya. this is this is "the daily show," with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> trevor: what's going on, everybody? welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you so much for tuning in. thank you for coming out in person. thank you so much, thank you so much. have a seat. let's do this, everybody. welcome boto the show.
we have a really, really fun episode for you tonight. the midterm elections have already been disguised-- surprise! america's fish are doing drugs, and her majesty the queen is celebrating 70 years as the world's most beloved unelected dictator. so let's do this, people. let's jump straight into today's headlines. ( cheers and applause ). all right, everybody, as you may know and as you should know, today was a very special day for the queen. and no, i'm not talking about beyonce. i'm talking about the original queen, the crown-wearing, range-rover-driving 96-year-old five-foot giant whose face has been on money longer than any of us losers have even been alive. long live the queen! ( cheers and applause ) i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry. every one of us from the colonies, we just get so excited when we talk about the queen. they whipped it into us when we were kids. it's not my fault. queen elizabeth ii has
officially been on the throne for 70 years, which means it's time to slow a little party. >> four days of parades and pageantry under way in london this morning to celebrate the historic 70-year reign of queen elizabeth. hundreds of thousands gathering outside of buckingham palace. ( cheers ) tens of millions watching around the world, an event filled with royal tradition and ceremony. >> 1,500 troops, 350 horses, this pagentry is the envy of the world. at stonehenge, they have been showing pictures of the queen from different decades. >> the jubilee's official dessert is a seven-layer lemon trifle in honor of the queen's seven decades of service. >> the queen has given us her life, really. >> i love her. she's beautiful. >> god save the queen! >> the incredible composure of the queen herself standing on that balcony.
just how glamorous kate looked. she is becoming an icon. and then little prince louis who looked, frankly, bored and a little unimpressed by the whole thing. >> trevor: yeah, of course he's bored. don't forget, he's a prince. to him she's not the queen of england in her palace. she's just granny in her house with the grandma smell, all right. ( laughter ) it doesn't matter what the spectacle is, at the end of the day, he is still a little kid at the family party. if you want to hold his interest, you know what you have to do? you have to give him an ipad. that's what i do with four-year-olds when i look after them. i put youtube on auto play and they sit for 10 hours straight. they come away understanding bush did 9/11. ( laughter ) but, seriously, this looked like so much fun. four days of parties. it's luke a burning man where nobody is pretending to be poor. they've got 1,500 troops, hundreds of horses, seven-layer deserts. the only part i didn't enjoy was
when they projected the queen on to stonehenge. yeah, that felt kind of like an age thing you know. "hey, you two know each other, don't you? yeah. queen, say hi to the stone faces." and while this extravaganza may seem excessive to people, you've got to admit 70 years on the throne is impressive. in fact, it's impressive for any job. who else has held on to a job for that long? i mean, if you think about it, in fact, maybe it's time for the queen to try something new. ( laughter ) with the skills she's learned at this job, you know, she could try something else. he would be an incredible walmart greater, you know. ( laughter ) like, "plasma screens in aisle five." she could be a consultant on the next season of "bridger ton." just being like, "it's not bad, but i wish we had this many chocolate hunks in my day." the best of all, she could be a rapper. she's got the body guard. she's got the bling. she just went platinum. all she needs now is start a beef with another monarch.
you want emperor naruhito. didn't think so, bitch. let's move on to somebody who was on the throne for 70s years to somebody who wishes they could be on the throne for 70 years under, donald "jubilee" trump. you remember how trump and his people peacefully tried to dispute the 2020 election? do you guys remember that? if you don't, if you don't, i understand. it's like 34 years ago in pandemic time. it turns out since trump left office, the maga crowd has been plotting their next move like a cartoon villain, and the reason we know this now, yesterday politico dropped a bombshell story about how the g.o.p. might plan to win the midterms without having the most votes. yeah, because, you see, in 2020, they were trying to challenge the election. but thanks to a new leaked recording, we now know the new maga plan is to install trump supporters as poll workers to challenge the election from the inside. >> in a stunning piece of reporting, politico has uncovered tapes of operatives strategizing on how to overturn
votes in democratic precincts. >> the idea is to install party-trained volunteers prepared to challenge voters at democratic-majority polling places. and then to back up those party-trained poll workers with a "army of party-friendly lawyers." >> those folks are largely qanon, election deniers, folks who think the election was corrupted, who are now going to be trained as poll workers, sitting there, having their hands on the ballots, taking in the information from the voters. >> trevor: oh, boy, this is not good. this is definitely not good. trump lovers are planning to install themselves in place of nonpartisan poll workers. it's a major conflict of interest. it's like hiring death as a life guard. ( laughter ) i don't know if he's interested in saving you. look, i'm not surprised that trump republicans are switching things up for this coming election. last time, what did they do? they left it the to this guy, all right. a man who was somehow even bad
at sweating. i mean, look at that. ( laughter ) right? what it sort of looks like when hope physically leaves your body. this is the thing about republicans-- they're not deterred by setbacks. right, they tried to steal the election last time, and what happened? everyone laughed at them, and they could have given up, you know, and tried to win the election based solely on the strength of their ideas. but no, they got up, they dusted themselves off, and they said this time we're not going to need to overturn the votes because we won't count them in the first place. let that be a lesson, kids. you never give up on your dreams. i think that's the lesson, right? that is the lesson? no, it's not that. by the way, if you're worried this means you won't get your "i voted" stickers, calm down. you will. it will just have a question mark at the end. spice things up. ( laughter ) ( applause ) all right, let's move on is are you one of those people who eatses fish instead of red meat because it's healthier for you? if you live in florida, you
might want to think again. >> there's this alarming study out of florida, finding fish off the coast are contaminated with pharmaceuticals. researchers sampled 93 bone fish over three years and found an average of seven meds per bone fish. one fish had 17 different drugs listed, including blood pressure medication, antidepressants, antibiotics, pain relievers, and a lot more. researchers say the meds get in the wastewater every time people flush. >> trevor: you know, every time i think i've seen the most american story of all time, this kind of stuff comes up. because which other country can say, "there's so much medication leaving our bodies, we're basically providing obamacare to the fish. the. think about it. how much medication are american doctors prescribing people? i think it might be too much if i can shit out a full dose for somebody else. ( laughter ) i will say, this could be a good thing. there is a silver lining. drug prices have gotten so high in america, if you can't afford
your heart medication, now you can go to red lobster. you might get your blood pressure down or a four-hour erection. either way, you're happier. you're happier. ( applause ) and i know, i know that some people are like, "trevor, it's not about the people. this is unhealthy for the fish. it's not about humans." i actually think this is good for the fish. i do. i think it's good that they got a hold of some of those antidepressants, you know. yeah, if your habitat was slowly boiling around you, you could use some lexapro, you know. just chill you out. ( laughter ) and you know, when i was watching the story, like, i know that we put toilet water in the ocean, but this story just reminded me that we put our toilet water in the ocean. yeah, it's like whenever i'm having fun at the beach, you know, frolicking in the waves... ( laughter ) i never think, man, it's great to spend time in a big giant toilet. ( laughter ) we don't think of the ocean as that when we're in it.
you realize people propose at the beach. now, once you remember that our toilet water goes there, it's not as romantic anymore. you know, it's just like, "so how did he propose?" "remember that huge dump you flushed the other day? it was right next to that." oh, my god. let's move on to exciting news from the world of science, and in particular robots. there's no denying robots have come a long way from helping humans assemble cars to showing off their dance move to distract us from the apocalypse they're planning to running some of the world's biggest social media companies. but it turns out, the next big leap in robots might actually be really small. >> well, a group of engineers from northwestern university developing the smallest remote-controlled robots ever created. look at this tiny crab robot is only half a millimeter wide. that's smaller than a flea. it can walk along the edge of a it has the ability to crawl,
jump, and twist. the engineers hope the robots can repair tiny machines in tine tiny places. >> it looks like something you picked up at a la quinta. this kind of robot scares me a lot more than the human-sized ones. at least if a big robot goes berserk, we can close the door. we're making tiny robots? just going to wait until you're asleep and they crawl into your mouth, into your brain. and they get into your brain and trigger the memory the time you asked the girl to prom and she said she was busy that night and you saw her at the prom. and now i wish that robot had killed me. and you know, while it's cool to have a super tiny robot to repair small machines, what are you going to do when the tiny robots break? do we think about that? yeah, you don't think about it, do you. you have robots breaking, you bring the tiny robots to fix those, and they break, and
you'll call the world's tiniest repairman to your house. "okay, before we get started, there are a few things i'm going to need from you. i'm going to get thirsty so give me a droch water for the day. secondly, i only take venmo. can't rick getting stuck under another dollar bill for a week. and most importantly, make sure you walk up your cat. that thing is like a t. rex to me. i'm tiny! i'm tiny! ( cheers and applause ) finally, have you ever wondered what happens between the time you click "order" on a food delivery app and the food actually arriving at your door? you might be say, "i know what happens, trevor. i rub one out while i wait." no, i mean what happens on the food side. you guys are disgusting. now, delivery drivers are revealing what's really happening behind the scenes. >> so you may want to pick it up instead of having it delivered. according to a new poll, 80% of delivery workers admit to eating some of the food in their customers' orders.
>> more than 500 delivery drivers polled for the survey, and the results show 25% confessed to hooking up with someone in their vehicle. >> trevor: i'm sorry, that is shocking. 80% of drivers eat their customers' food? so that means 20% of drivers are delivering vegan meals? that can't be right. ( laughter ) i actually don't necessarily have a problem with sharing my food with someone. i'm not swedish. and, also, this news actually makes me feel better about ordering takeout. yeah, because now when someone says, "do you know how many calories are in those fries?" i'll be like, "30% less thanks to barry. five stars, barry, five stars." before you hear the news and go, "delivery drivers are shit, they're eating our food." maybe you should be asking why the billion-dollar tech companies pay them so badly they have to eat your food. they should have an option where on top of the tip you can order extra food for them. the only detail that threw me
about the whole thing is the part about hooking up in the car. that threw me up. when it said delivery drivers admit to hooking up in the car. i want to know when. i don't mind, but when. is it on the job? while they're delivering the food? i'll be honest, man, you know, i don't want my freshly cooked dump lings to witness that. "oh, boy, oh, boy! i can't wait to go to my new house! oh, it's going to be-- why are we stopping? what are you two doing? ah! i don't want to see this! i don't want to see this! close the lid! close the lid! why does he have a sausage? what is going on? " ( applause ) tough luck for the dump lings. we have to take a quick break. don't go away, because when we come back, michael kosta hits the streets to find solutions to america's gun problems. america's gun problems. you don't want to miss it. ♪ my brand is for the inner city. it's for underserved communities.
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>> trevor: welcome tbook "the daily show." on may 14, a man armed with an ar-15-style rifle shot up a supermarket in buffalo. 10 days later, another man with an ar-15-style rifle shot up a school in texas. and just yesterday, a man with an ar-15-style rifle shot up a medical building in tulsa, oklahoma. now, you might think the problem here is all the ar-15-style rifles, but that just shows how little you know. because the real problem, according to some, is all the doors. >> have one door into and out of the school, and have that one door armed, police officers at that door. >> there should be one entrance in and one entrance out at all of our elementary and all of our middle schools. they are small enough to do that. >> it is about the single point of entry. >> if the school was on lockdown could the doors have been locked where he couldn't get in.
>> classroom doors should be hardened to make them lockable from the inside and closed to intruders from the outside. >> trevor: that's right. america has a doors problem. in fact, some doors are totally unhinged and, yet, politicians are doing nothing. since we know other countries don't have america's mass shooting problem, that clearly means that they know something about doors that we don't. so we asked michael kosta to hit the streets and find out how other countries deal with their doors. >> in the days since uvalde, we've had 11 more mass shootings-- hold on. shit, another one. in the days since uvalde, we've had 12 more mass-- hold on, news alert. 13! shit. 14 mass shootings. ( phone buzzing ) but for some reason, mass shootings are the one part of american culture that isn't popular in other countries. how often are you having mass shootings in india? is it weekly, is it daily? >> zero, none.
>> >> never, i've never heard of a mass shooting in ireland. >> wow, so what are they doing differently than us? >> mass shootings in america. everyone knows that's causing them. no one's really saying it. it's the elephant in the room. let's say it together. america has too many... >> guns. >> doors! >> wait, what did you say? the one thing america can do to prevent mass shootings is to limit each school to one, or even better, zero doors. >> i disagree. >> why? >> that doesn't make sense. >> one door? how is that going to work. >> it's like a jail. >> how are you going to get outnia fire. >> let's say we're in a school with no doors and there's a fire. that's why kids have guns. i saw it in an action movie. we go out or shoot out the window. >> why are they allowed? >> what do guns have to do with it? i'm talking about doors. the shooters come in through doors. i wasn't sure why they were ignoring the real threat to our
nation-- doors. how did the polish government defeat the poor lobby? >> they don't. they just let people have doors. >> okay, and how many shootings have there been? >> none exact-- what? >> well, yeah. >> these are little european doors, like little ones that hansel and gretle walk through? >> no. >> this isn't the old days with the old doors, the big, wooden heavy doors that were difficult to open. these are new, modern doors. like, even a kid can open them. there are so many hartless manufacturers like smith &-- no, like crate and barrel. >> it doesn't have to do with doors. >> i realize door are a hot-button issue but keep your cool. i'm saying you should have a license to buy a door. you should have a background check to buy a door. if you have committed a violent crime in the last five years, maybe there's a waiting period for you to buy a door. >> so you say buying a gun should be easier than buying a door? >> what do guns have to do with
it it? guns are what keep us safe. foreigners like to say americans are obsessed with gruns. yet, when it comes to preventing gas mootings, all they wanted to talk about was guns. now who is obsessed. do you think it would help to ban revolvers? >> yeah. >> you you know the doors that go around like this-- >> oh, i thought you were-- >> you thought i was talking about guns. what about your constitutional right to have a gun. >> no constitutional right. >> whoa! does it suck over there? >> we have a law. you can't buy a gun just like that. you have to have permission to have a gun. >> a permit, a license? >> yeah, a license. you can't go shop and have a gun. >> it's knlicted. >> it is. >> but let me tell you what's simple: one door. you keep coming back to these guns. >> right. >> people are coming through the doors to do dangerous stuff. >> well, they have to have something dangerous with them, like a gun. and the doors-- i don't know. you walk through the doors-- i
can't see-- i'm sorry, i can't understand. >> i appreciate you apologizing. apology accepted. maybe one day these foreigners will have some actual advice on how to stop mass shootings in america. but until then, our door is open. ( cheers and applause ) we'll figure it out, michael. stay tuned, because we're going to be joined by ukrainian ambassador to the united nations, sergiy kyslytsya, so, please, don't go away. ( applause ) ♪ aaaaah ♪ ♪ excuse me, green tea, ♪ ♪ music for a sushi restaurant ♪ ♪ from ice on rice! ♪
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♪ said yeah, it's alright. ♪ now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood. ♪was there something missing in my life 'til now♪ ♪ said yeah, it's alright. ♪ ♪an absence i could not quite place but knew somehow♪ ♪and then this vegan bakery came sliding down my screen♪ ♪and eva joan repair appeared and tightened up my seams♪ ♪voila marché rue dix remixed french tips and squid cuisine♪ ♪renowned♪ ♪endless, lit, infinite possibilities♪ ♪i'm down♪ ♪a world where personalized ads help good ideas get found♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is ukraine's representative to the united
nations. he's here to talk about russia's war in ukraine. here he is addressing his russian counterpart at an emergency meeting of the u.n. security council at the start of the war. >> it's too late, my dear, colleagues to speak about the escalation, too late. the russian president declared war on the record. should i play the video of your president? ambassador, shall i do that right now? you can confirm it. do not interrupt me, please, thank you. >> then don't ask me questions when you are speaking. proceed with your statement. >> anyway, you declared the war. it is the responsibility of this body to stop the war. >> trevor: please welcome ambassador sergiy kyslytsya. ( cheers and applause ) welcome.
ambassador, welcome to "the daily show." >> thank you. thank you for inviting me. >> trevor: you have a really interesting position and a difficult undertaking right now, because you are representing ukraine at the u.n. and ukraine is in one of the most precarious positions right now. before we get into where we are, let's clear up the beginning. how did this start? and what is the cause of what we're seeing in ukraine? >> well, do you want a long story, or do you want a short version? >> trevor: we're on tv-- >> the long version is 300 years. the short one is putin came to power, and he probably promised himself that he would restore the soviet empire, and ever since, we are in a state of war. and now we are in the state of hot war. actually, the war started not on the 24th of february. it started back in 2014. >> trevor: uh-huh. and you're in a position now
where-- i like that you called it a "hot war" because it's a war people can see very clearly. there are many people who are being killed, tanks rolling in. it's a different type of war, though, because everybody agrees that ukraine is in the right. everybody agrees that russia is doing something wrong. and yet, because of russia being russia, it seems like the united nations and many other countries are scared to overact for fear of causing a world war. how-- how do you then ask for help? and what do you-- what do you hope will be achieved if countries, you know, have to balance this precarious position? >> well, i think that, as a matter of fact, for me, we already are in the third world war, which may be kind of crazy to say. but the 21st century is not the 20th century, where we have standard wars with tanks crossing the borders. we are in a hybrid world, and you don't really need to cross the border to attack united states. you can do it that in cyberspace, you know. or you can do it, like a terrorism or financial
terrorism. so basically, we are there in the united nations, and the united nations is a product of three old gentlemen, among which were joseph stalin. so it's not perfect. and we still, in the 100th day of the war, we still have russia sitting in front of us, and we still pretend that we have to respect it. and the only reason we respect russian federation is because-- i do not respect, but they have to respect. ( laughter ) that's a very important correction. because they possess the nuclear arsenal, and they are really paranoid as russia may use nukes against them. >> trevor: so is your argument then that russia shouldn't be sitting as one of those permanent members of the u.n.? >> first of all, russia is not a permanent member if you ask me. russia occupied the seat of the soviet union back in 1991. the same way russia occupied georgia. the same way russia occupied moldava. the same way russia invaded syria. so russia occupies, occupies,
occupies. and we are all complac anti-with that. we're very complac anti-to that until the night of the 23rd, and all of a sudden we were surprised it happened, which was imminent for 40 years. >> trevor: do you think maybe this has been-- you know, it-- everything in hindsight s 20/20. and i've read some historians who would argue there could have been a way for the world to bring russia into the fold from the very beginning. some say the problem was the fact that russia was pushed out. russia felt like they were being isolated. they felt like nateo was encroaching to their territory. if putin was brought into the fold, he would have been been invested. >> many are tunneled with their vision of the world, the same way germany was tunneled nord stream. and we are aware, atl of us, we're guilty of letting putin
grow as a dictator of unprecedented scale. in europe, probably hitler is the only one we can compare him with. no, i don't believe in appeasement. i believe in the need to fight the virus. and russian putinnism is the international politics... >> trevor: it is taking the toll as well. your country is in a position now where every day we read about how russia is changing its tactics. you know, it's slowly becoming a war of attrition as opposed to a direct assault. you know, ukraine has inspired the world in how you are fighting back. you know, your president has been there, staying in the country, you know, despite what everyone thought he would do. when you get to the point, though, where it feels like european nations are almost encouraging ukraine to, in sp way, give up a piece of territory. you see many european nations
say, "ukraine, maybe you should give them the donbas region. give them that part that has already expressed some sort of interest in becoming part of russia." you have said that's a complete nonstarter, why. >> unless everybody is an amnesac, let me remind you what happened in 1938, when hitler signed the agreement with chamberlain. "the new york times" literally, literally ran an article-- and i can quote from it-- "the world has never been pregnant with hope as it is now." and then what happened? the naughty troops moved in. and then in less than 12 months, the second world war started, and the whole czechoslovakia was invaded. and people are not very ognizant of the history lessons, they have to go back to school. and study the history. >> trevor: are you worried that european countries may at
some point say, "this is too much for us, and we don't even we're going to back ukraine through this am. we've seen, again, through history, russia is not afraid to fight long, painful wars. it seems like vladimir putin is not afraid to send his troops out on to the front lines and have them perish because he doesn't have to worry about an election he's losing. approval is not his issue. if you're in that position, ukraine is in a space where you have your-- your people who may get demoralized, you know. you have a nation that is constantly bombarded. obviously, the u.s. is helping you. but what would you hope the next steps would be then? where do you see the world moving towards to help ukraine? >> trevor, you just came from europe. >> trevor: i did, yeah. >> you saw with your own eyes that europe is not really homogeneous. it's so diverse. it's like a bouquet of nations. it would be kind of an overgeneralization that "europe believes, europe says." we have wonderful, wonderful nations, like poland, like the
u.k., like portugal-- i just talked to the portuguese ambassador-- like baltic states. they will fight hard until the very end to defeat the russian deps poatism. you know, we have some countries that got used to living in comfort for so long, they're out of context all together. but the thing is if we do not defeat putinnism today, right, if we will be satisfied with just a military defeat of russia in ukraine, then we will let these dictator to regrow his chopped back clause. they will hit all of you again, like in five or seven years from now, and then we all pay triple price for it. so even from the point of view of... investing money in ukrainian visit, vesting money in ukrainian victory is investing money in your own security.
you should be all grateful that it is the ukrainian soldiers, not the british soldiers, not the american soldiers, who are dying in the front, defending the collective democratic world. so i have to remind about that, to all of our viewers, and to all people in europe, in north america. i have to remind all africans, who will suffer from the food shortages in two months from now. >> trevor: a lot of people don't know about that. you know, i saw many people complaining about food prices going up. many people in the middle east and africa struggling with, you know, a shortage of wheat and bread-- >> exactly. >> trevor: one of the most important food sources-- many people don't know how much of that grain is am canning from ukraine for the entire world. >> there are countries-- there are countries that are 70% dependent on ukrainian grain. and those countries are devastated with civil wars or with droughts or with climate calamities. they have no way to go on the market and buy grain from somewhere else. so, i mean, for them, it is a matter of survival.
and the fact is that we have 21 million tons of grains sitting to be exported. >> trevor: right. >> and we can't do that because of one crazy little person in kremlin does not really allow us to do that, you know. and that's amazing. i mean, that's, amazing. and one of the jobs we have to do, one of the things we are doing currently in the united nations, we are desperately seeking the way how to save millions of people who are literally under the threat of dying of starvation 10,000 miles away from ukraine. you know, and that is why this conflict has so many implications that unlike in 2014, when we were all happy to have 100 nations voting in favor of the territorial integrity of ukraine, we have an overwhelming majority, 141 nations that voted on the second of march, and that identify russia as an aggressive
state. you know, there were only four countries, such wonderful countries as north korea and syria, who voted in support of russia. and it's very important. it's very important. because the world finally understood that it's not just about ukraine. it's about the entire collective democratic community of nations. >> trevor: thank you so much for joining us, ambassador. >> thank you for inviting me. i appreciate the same. >> trevor: we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. ( applause ) wanna help kids get their homework done? well, an internet connection's a good start. but kids also need computers. and sometimes the hardest thing about homework is finding a place to do it. so why not hook community centers up with wifi? for kids like us, and all the amazing things we're gonna learn. through projectup, comcast is committing $1 billion so millions more students can continue to get the tools they
but before we go, this year, on the one-year anniversary of the capitol insurrection, we erected a tribute right here in new york to the heroes who fought against america on january 6, and lost. this weekend, june 3 to june 5, we will be bringing those monuments to los angeles for one weekend only. and we've added two new, never- before-seen heroes. if you are in los angeles, come see the pop-up at the westfield century city. for more information, keep an eye on "the daily show" social feeds. until tomorrow, stay safe out there, and remember: ask your doctor if fish from florida is right for you. now, here it is, your moment of zen! >> live television, gang. that's live tv for you. >> excuse me, my kids are here. live television. >> good luck! >> i think it is appropriate that they look at that timeline and understand what happened in that context. but i also think we need to take very seriously that-- whoa,
whoa, whoa. >> our camera fell down. okay. bryan, thank you so much. - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] ♪ - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪ [ eerie music playing ] would you like to see a magic trick? i'll sceam. i'll scratch your face. this face? i made you some breakfast. what did you put in it? salt and pepper.
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- eric-san you must follow direction. you rack a dis-a-prin! - nuh-uh, i don't rack a disa-prin! - minna-san! you all need more dis-a-prin! true dis-a-prin come from within! we are out of time. i will see you on tuesday. cherup! all: oots! - dude, we gotta hurry home! the final episode of lost is on soon! - yeah, let's go! - wait... where's my dad? - he knew he had to take us all home too, right? - yeah. dad? where the hell could he have gone? - oh, hey, sorry boys. - later, randy! - all right, i'll see ya, nelson! - dad, weren't you watching? - nah, i ran into nelson from work. we were over at the bar watching the game. two dollar margaritas! it was great. all right, come on, i'll drive you boys home. - are you sure you're all right? - oh, yeah, i'll be fine. i got some beers to keep my buzz going. - dad, aren't you supposed to, like, not drink and drive? - i'm not drinking and driving.