tv The Daily Show With Trevor Noah Comedy Central June 29, 2022 1:14am-2:00am PDT
and now in the grave! in the grave! ( cheers and applause ) and i love how they say rudy declined medical attention. for what? for what? that's the kind of injury where the only thing you could do is kiss it and make it feel better. that's it. is it better, rudy? is it better? if anyone needs medical attention, guy who touched rudy giuliani. hand probably looks like dumbdorf after he touched a horcrux. the guy sounded aggressive but what's up scumbag is how people say hello on staten island. normal conversation -- what's up, scumbag? nothing much. pleep your mother. well, nice to see you, grandma! ( laughter ) to me, the best part of this story is the more rudy told it, the more the slap seemed to
hurt! >> he hit me hard enough to knock me forward about like this. you know elderly people die mostly from falls? this guy could have killed me. >> i got hit on the back as if a boulder hit me. it knocked me forward a step or two. >> all of a sudden, i feel a shot on my back like somebody shot me. >> you know, that -- that was -- that was the whom who was rubbing my back, the guy hit me so hard that she herself almost fell from the reverberation of -- >> trevor: yeah, that's right, he slapped me so hard my eyeballs fell out and i had to pick them up and put them back in. you all saw it! he slapped me so hard i shit out the side of my face two years ago. that's how hard it was! you saw it, everybody! i felt it! i felt it!
( cheers and applause ) you know, i thought that rudy was lying about the election being stolen because he was a trump sycophant. turns out he lives in another world. this is just his brain. i will say, in his defense -- in his defense, he was already in weakened state. you know, you have to acknowledge that. he was out during the day in a store that sells garlic. i mean, you know... ( laughter ) it was hard for him. it was hard. but let's move on from an attack that rudy will always remember to one that he always conveniently seems to forget. january 6th, the day trump supporters tried to play capture the flag with mike pence's head. yesterday the january 6th committee announced that they would be holding a surprise hearing with a surprise witness. you know, whenever congress says something like, oh, this is a much watch, you're like that's what they said about morbius. but let me tell you today's hearing was properly insane. let's catch up on the latest
january 6th updates. ♪♪ ( cheers and applause ) so, turns out the surprise witness today was cassidy hutchinson, a top aide to donald trump's chief of staff, which means she was often in the room where it happens, the room where it happens. the it was overthrowing democracy. hutchinson had a lot of knowledge about what trump was doing the moment he lost the election through january 6th. one of the stories she told was how trump lost his shit when he found out his attorney general wasn't going along with his lies about the election. >> i remember hearing noise coming from down the hallway. i left the office and went down to the dining room, and i noticed that the door was propped open and the valet was inside the dining room changing the tablecloth off of the dining room table. he motioned for me to come in, and then pointed towards the front of the room near the fireplace mantel and the tv
where i first noticed there was ketchup dripping down the wall, and there was a shattered porcelain plate on the floor. the valet had articulated that the president was extremely angry at the attorney general's a.p. interview and had thrown his lunch against the wall. >> ms. hutchinson, was this the only instance that you are aware of where the president threw dishes? >> yes, ma'am. >> and are there other instances in the dining room that you recall where he expressed his anger? >> there were several times throughout my tenure with the chief of staff that i was aware of him either throwing dishes or flipping the tablecloth to let all the contents of the table go on to the floor. >> trevor: yeah. i know. i, too, was shocked to hear that trump threw any of his food away. let's be honest, this guy's
taken more selfies with food than some of his kids. probably the reason eric dresses up as a hot dog just to get a hug. do you love me, dad? you're the son i always wanted, oscar mayer, always wanted! ( laughter ) and you heard what she said -- this was ant one-time thing. trump was constantly throwing food tantrums. but what's interesting is she didn't say flipping the table, she said flipping the tablecloth. ( laughter ) so either trump was an amateur magician, or he wasn't strong enough to flip a table, so he just did the tablecloth. he was like, aaahhh! aaahhh! eh... ( cheers and applause ) and, you know, if this happened regularly, it must have sucked for all the people who work in the white house, you know, all the staff who had to clean up after him, the people who made the food and the dishes -- can
you imagine how traumatizing this muffin for the dishes? ( french accent ) hi, everybody, welcome to the white house! be our guest! be our -- aaahhh! what is happening? aaahhh! you just killed me, spork! don't look, your mother is being murdered, oh, my god! this man is worst than the beast! we should go back -- aaahhh! aaahhh! aaahhh! ( sound of dishes ( crashing sounds ) ing ). ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: turns out that wasn't the only trump tantrum hutchinson testified about because she also said that on january 6th as the trump mob was marching towards the capitol, trump wanted to lead them to the capitol himself, right, but, when secret service agent bobby engel refused the president's request for safety, this happened --
>> the president said something to the effect of, i'm the f'ing president, take me up to the capitol now, to which bobbie responded, which are, we have to go back to the west wing. the president reached up towards the front of the vehicle to grab at the steering wheel. mr. engel grabbed his arm and said, sir, you need to take your hand off the steering wheel, we're going back to the west wing, we're not going to the capitol. mr. trump then used his free hand to lunge toward bobby engel. whether when mr. ornato recounted the story, he motioned toward his cavcals. >> trevor: insane. trump reaching to take control of the car like an action movie, only he's the president and this is real life. you have to admit fighting your own secret service agent is genius on trump's part.
he's hitting the one person who can't hit back. yeah, they can pump back but then they've got to jump in front of their own punch. take that -- rrrr! aaaaaaaah! ( applause ) ohhhhh! did you feel that one, rudy? ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) you know, this whole thing shows you how lazy trump is. the capitol is like two miles away. everyone else walked there, but trump was, like, okay, i could walk there, i could walk -- or i could try to steal a car from the sect service. which one is it? ( laughter ) not to victim blame, but this is on the secret service, all right? you had four years to
trump-proof that vehicle. ( laughter ) you knew who you were dealing with. there should have been a toy steering wheel in the passenger seat the whole time. let him think he's driving and go back to the west wing anyways. front trump, this story proves sitting in the back seat is always a position of weakness. doesn't matter what the power dynamics, are no one in the back seat gets their way. he's lungeing at them like i'm the (~bleep~) president! and they're, like, you're in the back seat, bitch! shut up! and he's like, mmmr... i'm going to put my window down! ( applause ) the most damning part of today is when hutchinson revealed that when president trump was told some of the mob had weapons, he instructed security to take down the metal detectors and let the mob in. >> i was in the vicinity of a conversation where i overheard the president say something to the effect of, you know, i
didn't care they had webs, they're not hurting me, take the f'ing mags away: >> trevor: apparently trump wanted the metal detectors removed so his supporters with guns could march toward the capitol. me didn't necessarily want to hang mike pence, he wand to give him the choice of the firing squad. good to know. that's it for the headlines, let's eke check in with our financial expert michael kosta, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) crazy time of the market. what's going on? >> i am crushing the market. i just keep crushing it. >> trevor: so you say, mike. >> i have a hot tip for you, how you can crush it in the market as el. with first, though, rudy giuliani, i feel bad for him. i do. because, look, if you haven't
been touched in a long time, just the littlest contact, it feels like your whole world is moved, you know? and, look, i've had some epic dry spells in my life. i mean, i remember there were years where -- do you want to -- do you want to get to the charts. >> trevor: you don't want to tell the story? >> let's get to the mortgage rates, trench. i railed off there. the interest in mortgage is going way up, okay. if you're looking to buy a house right now, this is really scaring you. people are asking why, why did they start so low and they're going high now? i'm an expert, let me break it down for you. that's what you brought me here. january, interest on mortgage is low. cold, right? we have seasonal depression. we don't have money left from the holidays. i even tried to call my realtor but the mittens i was wearing
were so big i couldn't get her phone number right. now the sun comes out, right? seasons change. hey, i'm kind of interested in having a backyard. i'm kind of interested in having a pool. i'm kind of interested in having an open concept outdoor kitchen, right? now i can flip burgers while i'm talking to my friends as they're swimming in the pool. that's why, trevor, right now, end of june, interest is at its highest. >> trevor: myel, no, i don't think that's correct. >> here's the long and short of it -- these are the three numbers you want to pay attention to. this right here is the 30-year fixed rate mortgage. 30 years? who's planning that far ahead? 30 years? i don't know even know if i have clean underwear to wear tomorrow. i certainly didn't have it today. now i'm supposed to plan 30 years from now? that's a long time. 15 years, you know, not much better. this is the one you want, trevor. okay. this is the adjustable rate mortgage. this is the one you want, but
it's competitive and it's tough. here's how you get it, okay, you have to pool your money with five one-year-olds, okay? ( laughter ) now, who even knows one one-year-old, right? and even if you secure app meeting, how do you communicate with that one-year-old. so that's a tough one to get but you can do it. hot tip, i promised you a hot tip, if you're closing on a house anytime soon and you are unhappy with your mortgage rate, any piece of paper you sign, all you've got to do is just date it back here, the bank has to honor it. that's your hot tip. ( applause ) >> trevor: starting to wonder about your expertise. michael kosta, everybody. don't go away. when we come back, we're be talking to new york city mayor eric adams. you don't want to miss it. ( cheers and applause )
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noooooooo! aaaah! i'm ok! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is the mayor of new york city, he's joining me to discuss his first six months in office and how he's tackling some of the city's most pressing issues. please welcome mayor eric adams. ( cheers and applause ) ♪♪
>> trevor: welcome to the show. >> you don't realize it, but you just assaulted me with that hand shake. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: i'll try be a little more gentle next time. >> please, please. >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thank you. because, you know, you doing that, you could be inside for 24 hours, you know. >> trevor: let's talk about that before we move on. i heard what you said about rudy giuliani. you said he should actually be investigated for reporting a false crime because if it wasn't for that video footage, that person who tapped him on the back, which i don't condone, but that wasn't assault. >> no, he was not. he falsely reported a crime, and the district attorney should take that seriously. that person that he falsely reported spent 24 hours in jail.
that's not acceptable. it's not acceptable. and, so, i'm going to call the d.a., we must be consistent. all of that, theatrics that he did, that's not acceptable. if that tape wasn't there, imagine what would have happened to that man. >> trevor: yeah. >> can't happen. can't happen. >> trevor: many new yorkers have really been impressed by the attitude you've taken to education. you've come in, you've revamped the system, you're creating a world where, you know, your staff is really focusing on getting new york city's education up to where it needs to be. two parts to the question. number one, what do you still think needs to be achieved in terms of education in new york and, number two, how do you remove or fight against all of the segregation that happens in new york city schools because you have a city where everyone mixes yet, in the schools, it seems like the city is still in jim crow. >> couple of things. number one, i learned a lot when i was in south africa. i drove from cape town to port
elizabeth to joburg and spoke to a lot of people there. they don't look at the hidden segregation we have in america when they talk about segregation. our school system is dysfunctional and we have acknowledged the dysfunctionality because black and brown poorer students are most of that. 65% of black and brown children don't graduate. i'm dyslexic. k-12, i used to walk in the school and they put dumb on the chair. i was dyslexic. there was nothing i don't think with me. 30 to 40% of the prisoners in rikers island dyslexic. so what am i doing as mayor? i'm taking my journey and now helping other children. we have dyslexia screening for every child now, and i'm going to rikers and screening the prisoners for dyslexia so they
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before you invest, investor.gov. ooh, that looks spicy! yeahhh, you got a little...heat to ya, yeahhh. little kick, little zing, little spice, little razzmatazz! kfc's spicy chicken sandwich. always served hot and crispy. that's finger lickin' good. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show," where we are joined by new york city mayor eric adams. mayor adams, let's jump into some of the pressing issues in the stuff number one, police, which touches on crime, but almost two separate issues at the same time. one of the things you ran on coming into office is i'm going to bring down crime in new york city. since you've come into office crime skyrocketed. it's only been five or six months. i'm sure people would love to know how long do you think that promise will take to achieve, and how do you actually bring
crime down? because every mayor has a different solution for actually achieving that. >> it's a unique moment. people who know my history, i was arrested at 15. i was beaten badly by police officers. they assaulted my brother and i in the 103rd precinct. i went back there when i became mayor. i voted against stop and frisk. i testified in court. the judge mentioned my testimony when she ruled against the police department. i can't go backwards. we can't go back to the days where every black and brown child who walked the streets was treated unfairly. we have to have that balance. intervention is now, we took 3,000 guns off our street. shooters dropped by 30%, homicide dropped by 13%. we're moving in the right way, but i'm not going to allow us to be abusive in the process. prevention, let's do the long-term things, let's lean into foster care children so they have the opportunities and not age out without the support.
>> trevor: let me ask you this about new york -- ( applause ) -- this city has always been an interesting police where the police unions and the mayors have often had a fraught relationship. you're a really unique mayor in that you were police, come from police, yet you experienced and tried to change police, yet, at the same time, you have to encourage the police. so, obviously, you have critics and fans that inhabit both spaces. >> right. >> trevor: but i would love to know this because i know a lot of new yorkers have this as a question -- when crime is down in the city, mayors will say, well, that means the police are doing their job, we need to give them more money, more funding to the police force, which oftentimes means less funding to the schools and other services, et cetera. but when crime is up in the city, mayors will say, that means we need to give police more money because they need help bringing crime down. what i would like to understand is why is it, in that job, whether things are going well or not, the money always increases?
it doesn't seem like what matches happening in the city, and how do you address that as mayor whilst also acknowledging these are people in the city trying to keep everyone safe from the mayor's perspective. >> good question. the prerequisite to prosperity is public safety and justice. they go together. historically people will say you can only have justice, you can only have public safety. i say no, it's not a tradeoff. we have both. we can be safe and have justice. that accountability is going to be in place. let's not kid ourselves. we have been producing inferior product all across the city. we spent $38 billion a year on education. yet 65% of black and brown never reach education. they have been playing us. we have been getting played for so long. so the problem is not that people dislike me, they -- you know who dislikes me? people who have been eating off of us a. all those people who made
contracts by pulling people downstream -- do you know how much money is made when a child is dyslexic and not educated and is incarcerated? you have counselors, therapistest, people feeding them prescriptions and drugs, people have been playing us for a long time. then i come along and say the gig is up. >> trevor: in case i missed it, how do you grade whether the police are doing well or not in your city? >> combination. we'll never be able to deal with the crime problem with just police. >> trevor: okay. >> we can't police our way out of this. when you have foster care children that age out at 21, and you know every year 6700 of them are -- 5% grad -- 22% graduate from high school, 5% from college, are more likely to be homeless, mental health, criminals and victims of crime.
i say let's give them support to 26, help them graduate from high schools. get them certifications, help them go into some of these jobs. google and facebook is here. why not feed the children into employment, be part of the growth of the city? if you employ, you won't have to worry about the kim that that you're seeing. by the time a child picks up a gun, we have already failed. we failed, already. >> trevor: but then why do you care so much about some of the smaller things? for instance, why does the city need to spend so much on police monitoring who jumps a fare and who doesn't. >> i like that. >> trevor: how much is on fare jumping of the city's money. people will pay. the people who doctors what percentage is that to everyone else. >> that's a great question. here's what we can't do, we cannot send a message that any and everything goes in our city because it starts with, okay, so and so jumps the fare, and when
there are systems, we have a reduced fare metro card program where if you can't pay enough we are going to give you the metro card and there are ways to get on the system if you can't pay. you can't walk into dwayne reed and say i'm going to take whatever i want off the shelf and walk out because then dwayne reed will close down and the low wage employee who goes too school at night to make a living will lose his job because you decided you don't want to pay. so we can't have a city where you can do whatever you want. no. we're going to be a city where we're not going to criminalize the poor, but we're not going to allow them to say their economic status will allow them to disrespect what it is to live in a city like new york. i know what it is to be poor. we used to go to school with a garbage bag of clothing because mommy said we're going to be thrown out and we want you to have clean clothing so you won't be embarrassed when you go to school. but mommy made sure we'll always
uplift ourselves, fight hard and be respectful in the process. i'm not going to allow people to believe because where they are is who they are. we are so much better. >> trevor: let's talk about one of the parts of the city everyone agrees needs to become better. affordability. new york city is not made by the empire state building, the statue of liberty, it's made by the people. the people say they can't afford to live in new york. it's spreading to brooklyn, the island. the main part of the island is unaffordable for most people. for people who don't riff in rent controlled apartments where there's no recourse, i've heard rent jumps from 20, 30, 40%, it can do whatever, and you're out, your life changed, it becomes unaffordability. half the placings in midtown are owned by people who don't live in the city let alone the country. how do you make it the people
want to live in the city? you say people need to get back in the office and we need to get new york city back to life. but i also understand people say, mayor adams, why should i come to the city when i can live 40, 50 minutes away and not have to pay the rents anymore. how do you prevent these people from turning this into a ghost town. >> great affordable housing. you have people advocating for affordable housing. i say, is great, we'll build it on your block. not my block. you want to upzone on my block? >> trevor: yes. >> we have to stop the hypocrisy of people, those advocating for 134-g, but when it's time to produce it in their space and inconvenience them, now they have a whole other conversation. we want to build safe haven beds. show me the community who allow them to build safe haven bed.
we have to build affordable housing, then put people in the units. we're going to change the game of nycha, which owe know what nycha residents have been going through for years, and now we're moving in another direction. so affordability is crucial. make it affordable. >> trevor: do you think you can find the balance? as mayor you're responding to business, some of the richest people in the city. >> yes. >> trevor: you're responding to people annoyed by poor people, not in my backyard. they want a change, but not in their backyard, and you're responding to the majority to have the 8 million people. >> yes. >> trevor: what do you think you will be able to do in the short term? i understand the ideas behind it, but what's a concrete thing you can say in new york that you will do in the short term. >> we're doing it now. the affluent new yorkers, do you know 52% of our taxes are paid by 2% of new yorkers? >> trevor: i can believe that? >> if we lose those 2%, we lose our teachers, our firefighters,
our cops. so for me not to engage the high-income earners, that's foolish as a mayor, and i'm not going to do that. i want them to pay their taxes, i want them to volunteer, i want them to contribute to my museums, my non-profits, they need to be a part of that. so when you look at what we're doing right away, childcare vouchers for families in the city, you know, people are paying $50 a week, we were able to get them down to $10 a week. we opening so many new seats in childcare. what we're doing with dyslexia screening and childcare fund for our children. when you start out a childcare fund for a chiecialtiond they're four times more likely to go to college by having -- this college fund. >> trevor: right. >> when you look at what we're doing called the crisis management team and how they deal with crisis on the ground for prevention, what we're doing with earned earned income tax c.
brother, we send back billions of dollars because people don't know how to fill out the the forms to get the resources that they deserve, so we're making it easier and streamlining the earned income tax credit. so we're doing things that are going to put money back in the back pockets of new yorkers. >> trevor: so before i let you go, i'd love to know real quick, what would you grade yourself as as a mayor right now, what grade would you give yourself, and -- i know it's a tough one. >> no, it's not tough. i told you when we spoke earlier, there's no tough questions for me because i'm authentic. i'm going to be me. >> trevor: you are you, i'll say that about you. what would you grade yourself as a mayor? >> i. i'm incomplete. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: oh, interesting. >> yeah, yeah. >> trevor: that's an interesting one. >> i'm incomplete. >> trevor: all right. >> i'm -- i'm incomplete as a mayor, i'm incomplete as man, i'm incomplete as a father, i'm incomplete in my personal life.
i get up every morning, i meditate, i exercise, i pray, i say the pledge of allegiance, and i get myself ready. >> trevor: every day? >> every day. >> trevor: i've the last one isa bit weird. >> it's not. >> trevor: surely the flag knows by know that you -- i mea- ( laughter ) >> you know, this country is -- this country has a lot of issues. >> trevor: yes, it does. >> but i have been all over the globe, and this is the only country with dreams attached to our name. it's not a german or a french dream. >> trevor: the french dream, but it's a very different kind of dream. >> yeah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: thank you so much for joining me. i appreciate the time. i know you're a busy man. i'd love to have you back. we'll talk about this every few years. we'll take a quick break and be back after this. ( cheers and applause )
there and remember: live every day like someone might touch you on the back. ( laughter ) now here it is, your moment of zen. >> investigated or fully discuss it but it's on our agenda. >> what's this -- >> prior conversations -- >> questions. >> no comment -- ( questions) >> obviously, there's a mistake -- >> witness tampering >> -- the evidence that you have seen >> i'm sorry -- >> obviously, there's a lot of important information. >> the incident where the secret service denied the other secret service agent -- ♪♪
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cartman: so much has happened. i don't know where to start. first it was all the school shootings. then these wi-fi scooters showed up. and now we know that manbearpig is real and we could all be dead in a matter of years. and you believe... this all relates somehow to the movie "black panther" not being as good as everyone says it was? i know there's a connection, but that isn't what matters. i can't deal with people anymore. it's just, everyone sucks so hard, you know? everybody is so stupid.
and they all walk around going, "way aya ayay blarhghg." and the only thing that makes me happy, the only thing i can trust, is this. but all people do is try to keep me from it. i'll be in my room, and my mom will come in and say, [high-pitched voice] "eric, that's enough time on your phone." [ normal voice ] and then at school... [ high-pitched voice ] "eric, what are you doing? you can't use your phone at school!" [ normal voice ] and even my friends. my own friends, they'll be like, "hey, cartman, throw us the ball. you're the goddamn quarterback." it's like everybody needs something from me. all i want is a little time with my phone instead of always listening to people's needy bullshit. oh, uh, sorry. just -- uh, well, you know, young people have to deal with so much today. i believe that what you have is anxiety. anxiety? is that cool? it's pretty common these days. what it really is more than anything is an excuse to be lazy and lame to everyone around you.
oh, my god. that's perfect. ♪♪ [ intercom beeps ] i'm busy. [ intercom beeps ] woman receptionist: mr. principal. i'm busy doing stuff! [ intercom beeps ] what?! woman receptionist: the vice principal needs to speak with you. she says it's urgent. [ sighs ] oh, pc principal. uh, y-yes? are you going in to see the vice principal? i really need to speak with her. uh, yeah. we're just, uh -- we're having an important scheduling to go over. everything is okay with you two? there's no more inappropriate behavior? you know, as a counselor, i'm here to -- that's in the past, mackey. we've paid our dues, and we're not hiding anything anymore. mkay. [ babies crying ] i could use a little help here! what's going on? riley said a word that her sister felt was insensitive to muslims.