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tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  November 16, 2022 11:00pm-11:45pm PST

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- guys! all: [gasp] [screaming] [dramatic music] - guys! we lost junior! - make a big animal. - dam pod. - make a big animal. make a big animal. - we can make one bigger. - big animal. - [growling] [air horn tooting] [harmonica playing] - we're a big animal. - [growling] [men vocalizing somberly] [guitar strums] - this says more bathroom than it does bedroom to me. do you agree? or do you want the bathroom to match the bedroom? - i don't know. i can't--i can't-- i can't look at any more swatches, okay? ♪ ♪ >> announcer: coming to you from new york city, the only city in america, it's "the daily show." tonight... trump is back in the race. how we got black friday. and jonathan majors! this is "the daily show with trevor noah." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]
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♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> trevor: what's going on, everybody? welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you so much for tuning in. thank you coming out in person. thank you for being here, everybody! we've got a great show for you tonight. take a seat, everybody. let's get into it. we'll find out why beyonce and jay-z might have beef, we'll see where black friday came from, and if you loved the trump administration, then, oh, boy, have i got some great news for you! so let's do this, people. let's jump straight into today's headlines. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] all right, before we get into the big stories, let's catch up on a few other things going on in the world. starting with the grammy awards. yesterday, the full list of nominations was announced and beyonce is leading the pack with
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nine nominations. [cheers and applause] which amazingly ties her with her husband, jay-z, for the all-time record of 83 nominations. yeah. makes your #marriagegoals goals look like shit. oh, and congratulations to the poet who got her first nomination for best spoken word nomination. congratulations to her. and to joe biden who got a nomination for best we think those are words album. well done, sir, well done. in tech news, elon musk is continuing his makeover of twitter by telling employees that from now on, the work environment will be "extremely hardcore," and they should prepare themselves. but if anyone insult him, they will fire him. that is not his name. i don't know if you can afford to fire more employees. he's already fired half the
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company. pretty soon, elon musk will be the only one working on twitter. we're going to be like, "why haven't my tweets updated for like 20 minutes?" and elon will be like, "sorry, i was taking a shit. it was so hard-core. where was i?" oh, and in international news, nato has announced that the stray missiles that hit poland yesterday were not fired by russia after all. as was reported. they were actually ukrainian missiles being launched against russian attackers. so the good news is that nato doesn't have to go to war against russia. the bad news is, it has to go to war against ukraine. rules are rules. i'm just glad it wasn't what we thought it was. poland is like "we still got bumped!" all right, let's move on to the big story of the day. as you know, america's midterm election was just one week ago. the votes in many districts are still being counted. the runoff for georgia's senate seat is still three weeks away. and wolf blitzer is still waking up in the middle of the night shouting, "key race alert!" "key race alert!"
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my point is, the 2022 midterms are not over. which means now is the perfect time to start covering the 2024 election. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] there have been so many times over the last few years were people have said that donald trump was finished for sure. they said he was finished when he lost to an ancient artifact, they said he was finished when he was impeached for throwing a house party without his parents' permission, when he got his hand stuck under the fridge trying to get a cadbury cream egg that rolled underneath there. just let go of the egg, donald! 1 thing people don't realize is donald trump doesn't care what anyone else thinks about his political future. you saw that last night. he swapped out the buffet table at mar-a-lago for american flags and made a big announcement. >> on stage at his south florida estate, donald trump announcing the white house run he's hinted at ever since his 2020 election
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defeat. >> in order to make america great and glorious again, i am tonight announcing my candidacy for president of the united states. [cheers and applause] >> the former president -- impeached twice, including for his role in the january 6th insurrection -- placing himself at the head of a movement to take power back for his supporters. >> this is our country, our government. >> now at the center of multiple investigations, mr. trump said a weaponized justice system is the greatest threat to the u.s. >> we must conduct a top to bottom overhaul to clean out the festering rot and corruption of washington, d.c. [cheers and applause] and i'm a victim, i will tell you. i am a victim. >> trevor: "that's right, folks, i'm the biggest victim of all. every time i do something illegal, they come after me. i have done 30 illegal things. they have come after me at least 20 times. it is so unfair, so unfair."
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as ridiculous as this is, i'm glad he's being honest about why he's running. he's running for the same reason every shirtless guy on "cops" runs. the po po was chasing him, he said this. but this is what trump does, he's always the victim. the poor billionaire who only owns 15 golf courses and got to run the world's most powerful country format for years. woe is me. if trump was the princess in a fairy tale, the movie would suck and the princes would never get saved. the dwarves would be like, "please, we need you to save snow white! and he would be like, who will save me? you know how many stairs are in my castle? but she is poisoned to eternal sleep. "i wish i could sleep." "you know how hard it is to get comfortable in a bed of coins? so hard." that is right. trump is getting the old team back together for one more run at the white house. and of course, i say that
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metaphorically, since most of the old team is in jail, but the point is, he's officially in the race. and you have to admit, this is an interesting way to kick off your presidential campaign. "vote for me, i'm a whiny piss baby." and he's not the only victim. according to the donald, running america into the ground was very hard on his family. >> and it hasn't been a joyride for our great first lady either. i go home, and she says "you look angry and upset." i say, "just leave me alone." hasn't been the easiest thing. in fact, my one boy, stand up, eric. i think he got more subpoenas than any man in the history of our country. so unfair. al capone, you all heard of the great gangster? al capone got far less. billy the kid got almost none. jesse james, no. eric trump got more subpoenas. he's a phd in subpoenas. they come from congress.
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they come." >> trevor: that's right. no one suffered more from the trump presidency than the trump family. by the rest of you were living it up in your border cages and enjoying an endless buffet of covid, eric trump was being asked to answer some questions. what a hard life. to be fair, i will admit that eric has gotten more subpoenas then gunslingers like billy the kid or jesse james. those guys in the wild west, they got a lot of subpoenas, we have all seen the movie is. ♪ ♪ [western music plays] i have papers for mr. ugly. is mr. ugly here? [western music plays]
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you know what, you guys look busy, i'll come back later. ♪ ♪ [applause] and by the way, that story he told about him and melania -- was anyone else as surprised as i was to hear it was trump telling melania to leave him alone? yeah, melania was probably like, "oh, no. anything but that." "i will give you some space. how about forever? "you might be thinking this speech probably sucked because you are not a fan of donald trump but it turns out that even the people who were there to see him don't exactly want to stay. >> trump displayed a fraction of his 2016 energy, the speech ran twice as long as scheduled, and for long stretches, left his crowd restless and silent. >> this was teleprompter trump. low energy. very unusual.
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>> he started to get bored, started to ad lib, it turned into a rambling mess in my opinion. >> candidly, he was quite subdued, low energy. i thought the speech tonight was lame. i thought the crowd was lame. >> reporters inside the ballroom at mar-a-lago noticed a handful of trump supporters attempting to leave before trump was done speaking, but security will not let them. >> trevor: [laughs] damn, say what you will about trump, but the man takes his border security seriously! "nobody's getting out, we're gonna build a wall." "build a wall, keep them in." for real, though, you know a club is shitty when you need a bouncer to keep people in. that's when you know things are not going well. i actually feel bad for the crowd. they were probably scared as hell. "oh, no, we're trapped in here! trump has locked us up! he's locked us up! he's locked us up!" [applause]
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i will say, it is a little strange. i will be honest, it is a little strange that so many people in the news media were fixated on how boring the speech was. like, who cares? for years, they were like, "this is not normal" now they are like, "this is too normal. say something about the mexicans. we need ratings, donald." despite his rampart return, he might not have the support he needs. party elites are clamoring for ron desantis to take on trump and win the nomination instead. major republican donors have already announces they won't back trump this time. even ivanka released a statement last night saying she will focus on her family. and look, of course she'd want to spend time with her family! she's got that adorable little boy at home. and i think she has kids. a lot of major players in the republican world is not thrilled that donald trump is running
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again although apparently, many democrats are happy, including people like bernie sanders, who said trump running may be a horror show for the country, but i've got to say that as a politician who wants to see that no republican is elected to the white house in 2024, from that perspective, his candidacy is probably a good thing." absolutely right. and yeah, you know, bernie is probably right. democrats should be praying for donald trump to win the nomination so they can easily crush him in the general election. yeah, that kind of thinking has never horribly backfired, just asked president hillary clinton. what could go wrong? for real, people, are we really doing this again? are we going to say that the democrats are going to hope to face trump? the media is going to write him off, forgetting that republicans did not support donald trump the first time?
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he roasted chris christie, slapped jeb bush, and then the republican side, you are out working now, chris christie's wife is ugly? a member, he only lost to joe biden by 44,000 votes. and that was during a pandemic where trump told everyone to go bleach their lungs. he's probably not going to do that, probably. and you're probably like, "yeah, but this year all of trump's maga election deniers lost!" yeah, but by, like, one percent. 1%. those are not "[bleep] around and find out" margins! those are the kind of margins where if anything is a little bit different next time, trump could win those states. gas prices could be higher, the economy could be worse, joe biden could keep getting older! anything is possible! no, i guess everyone is going to aact out the same rules as 26 teens, republicans aren't going to stand up to him until it is too late and the news will give him live coverage for every single word that he utters. "i just poope again.
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breaking news. if we are going to do the same things again, let me know now because this time i will be prepared. i will visit all the shit whole countries before the board is close, i will invest in tiki torches and best believe i will stock up on a shit of toilet paper because i'm not using my socks again. that is it for the headlines. before we go, let's check in on traffic with our very own roy wood jr., everybody! [cheers and applause] >> trevor: what is happening in the traffic? >> why do you want me to turn around and tell you the traffic? you are facing the wall. you tell me. >> trevor: why is it so hard? just tell me what is happening. >> i can't focus on the traffic, i am more focused on you telling trump to take a serious. trump don't take trump serious. bro, he announced it from the crib. he announced he running for president when he was upstairs in his drawers, he ran downstairs real quick, do this president thing. he didn't even change's logan.
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he's doing it to get rid of all of the old maga merch from last time. i brought three boxes of maga has for democracy. plus, the other thing trump knows he can't beat desantis. look at desantis, look at that man, look at that man. them are some bad bitch boots right there. trump could never. trump, he got the conservative vote up top, he got this this be 35 there. but desantis look so good in the boots, trump might try to grab him by the pussy. >> trevor: let's get to the traffic, roy. get to the traffic. >> here's the thing about elon musk. can we talk about elon musk for a second?
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supposed to be traffic. >> every day, he sending out an email telling all the employees to step it up. a sidebar, if i worked at twitter, i just wouldn't open my emails. stop opening your email if you work at twitter. it's like divorce. you got to hand me the paper is. you can't fire me if i don't open my email. email, been slinging those emails for two weeks, ain't been no good news in there, and like you work at twitter over your email. good news, strippers and the big room. all right, thank thank you, elon. did you read the email? >> trevor: i read the emails, they were insane. this whole thing come "from now on, we will be extremely hard core, working long hours, high-intensity, and only exceptional performers will constitute a passing grade, if you don't want to be part of the new twitter, you can get out." sounded crazy to be honest. >> crazy for a ceo. >> trevor: what do you mean? >> it is crazy if it ceo said that.
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that was elon's mistake. you don't talk to people like that, but you can't call yourself a ceo. you want to talk to people crazy, you got to call yourself a head coach. >> trevor: what? >> nobody is more verbally abusive to their employees then i had coach. you ever play a sport? your coach "i want blood, i want pain," "you can't have no water." if elon want to keep from getting in trouble, run twitter like a head coach. first up, stop getting on everybody, call a huddle, bring all the employees and, because everything in the elon meal, everything elon said to him if he said it in a locker room, it don't sound as bad. elon could be a twitter coach. "bring it in, bring it in, bring it in, twitter team, bring it in." [cheers and applause] "twitter team, twitter team, we are in a competitive world, we need to be hard-core, long hours, high intensity, only
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exceptional performance will constitute a passing grade. engineers, i need you to drive us, we are a software and service company! if you are sure that you want to be a part of team twitter, then please click yes on the link below in the email. and you will make sure that they remember forever the night they played the titans." one, two, three, blue check! >> trevor: roy wood jr., everybody! all right, don't go away, because when we come back, desi lydic exposes the truth about black friday. >> you want the traffic? [cheers and applause] >> trevor: roy wood jr., everybody! [cheers and applause]
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[cheers and applause] >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." next thursday night, america celebrates the holiday that defines it as a nation: black friday. but where did black friday come from? well, to find out, we turn to
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desi lydic in another episode of "why do we celebrate this?" >> hey can we get back! this one's mind! you all ready to die for this flat screen, am! ♪ ♪ hello, my shopaholics, mall rats, coupon clickers, capitalism or years, it is the holidays, and that means one thing: family. no, i'm kidding! that means shopping. family? what the [bleep]? like many of you, i too will be going out on black friday, one of america's most treasured excuses to buy shit and black friday seems like something that has been around forever, i mean, i can for member a time when black friday didn't exist. then again, my memory is a little fuzzy from all the head trauma of previous black fridays. the history of black friday is actually quite interesting. it started in the 1920s when retail wanted to set a clear beginning to the christmas shopping season, so department
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stores like macy's created grand parades to signal to americans, it's time to start spending cash. although, back then, parade balloons were not as cute as the months today. you know, classics like puff the dragon, whimsical drifter murderer, and big daddy superman. you know, hoping to scare people to run people inside the stores? i don't know. the point is, retailers depended on a big christmas shopping season and were willing to do whatever it took to make it as long as possible. in fact, during the great depression, they even lobbied president franklin roosevelt to move thanksgiving a week earlier to allow for more christmas shopping. after his cousin finished giving him a, fdr agreed. eventually, they moved thanksgiving back, but the retailers got what they wanted because over the next few decades, more and more people began their christmas shopping the day after thanksgiving. but the first time today was called black friday was in the 1960s. it was going for the philadelphia police department because the day brought tons of traffic and chaos. and for shopping to cause chaos
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in philadelphia, and has to really be chaos. i once set fire to a mannequin at a zara in philadelphia and they didn't even get me out of the store, they just threw it in the burnt mannequin pile. sorry. it was in the 1980s when black friday finally went nationwide, and it was all thanks to america's obsession with the adorable little vegetable human monster hybrids known as the cabbage patch kids. i got this 1 for $3,000. had to get punched by a lot of grandmas to get it but it was worth it. the toys were in such high demand, that a cost literal rides across america pier. people thought their neighbors tooth and nail but all of the violence was worth it for that precious christmas morning when their kids would open the box, see the cabbage patch kid, and then play with the box. the cabbage patch kid said the standard for all sorts of black friday grazers throughout the '90s, from furbies to beanie babies, to tickle me elmo's, to countless other toys bought by nearly divorced dads
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trying to buy their way into their kids hearts. by 2002, nearly three quarters of all shoppers were in stores over black friday weekend. it was paradise for people looking for deals, and robbers looking for unguarded homes. black friday was so successful that stores are to pushing the start time back from friday morning to friday at midnight and then all the way back to thanksgiving night itself. they called the new holiday "gray thursday" as a tribute to the moral gray area of abandoning your family i think saving to choke out a stranger for an instant hot. and throughout this time, black friday door busters and sales more dangerous a consumers termed every big box store into a big octagon over arena. it got so bad that in 2011, we were statistically more likely to be injured in a black friday sale than a shark attack. unless that shark is also at the black friday sale and then it depends on who everyone thought blunder more.
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but sadly, the good times and horrific injuries couldn't last forever. the dawn of online shopping, black friday became less relevant in the newer, shinier, to date prime-i.e. are that took its place. along came cyber monday, an easier way to score deals. it is just another way technology has pulled us further apart. sure, it's more convenient, but think of what we lose when we no longer have that one-on-one air fire to skull contact. sad. also, in recent years, retail employees have begun pushing back on so-called holiday group which is a term for stores expanding their holiday shopping periods into thanksgiving, not what happens when your cousin hits the account too hard and tries to go fdr on your under parts. but even as its golden days are behind it, black friday is still an american institution, standing tall beside thanksgiving and the super bowl and the purge. and now that you know its history, don't forget to keep it
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in perspective. sure, saving money is great, but this season isn't about fighting some stranger at a store. it's about gathering your family and fighting with them. so happy shopping season. now if you'll excuse me, i got to start practicing for the big day. hey! step away from that dice and! you think i won't fall out this pin? guess what! tick tock -- >> trevor: thank you very much, desi lydic. when we come back, jonathan majors will be joining me on the show, you don't want to miss it. [cheers and applause]
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[cheers and applause] >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an emmy-nominated actor who plays the first black aviator in navy history in the new film, "devotion," which will be exclusively in theaters november 23rd.
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>> jesse, stand down! that's an order! ♪ ♪ that's a direct hit! that's a direct hit! that a boy, jesse! >> that a boy, ace! >> trevor: please welcome jonathan majors! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> trevor: you brought me flowers? welcome to t the show.
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>> thank you. >> trevor: this is -- i'm i holding these for you? >> no, no, no, those are for you. >> trevor: these are for me? >> i heard you got two weeks left maybe. >> trevor: and so you brought me my flowers? >> from your culture. >> trevor: oh, man. >> i hear those are south african. >> trevor: yeah, this is beautiful, this is amazing. no one else has brought me flowers. [applause] disses -- wow. -- this is -- wow. i had questions to greeley on. now we will just take it easy. welcome. it is an absolute pleasure to have you here. obviously, for the new movie, but for everything that you have been doing. you hopped onto many people's screens for the first time, "last black man in san francisco," amazing film
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that everyone should watch, the way you carried a character and obviously "lovecraft country," what you got your emmy nomination for, congratulations on that. and now in this film, it is amazing to be playing a character that more people should know about because of what they represented, but to be playing the first black pilot in the navy, many people talk about how black service members were fighting a war on two fronts. they weren't just writing about what was happening outside of america, they were fighting about what happened inside america. talk me through the ys. you are very intentional about why this movie and buy this character. >> well, i played super villain, and i felt this was an opportunity to play a hero. >> trevor: i love that. >> so i am from texas, dallas, texas, came off a certain way,
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jesse it's from mississippi. he was a son of a sharecropper. somehow, he made his way from those sharecropping fields to the stack and became not just a black naval aviator but the best black aviator. and i thought, okay, we've got stories about king and rosa parks and harriet tubman. we don't have a story about this guy. this is the first time they will say, okay, this is jesse. i wanted to be responsible for that. and i wanted to fly some planes. >> trevor: what did you garner from that experience that help you to tell the story? >> it was access. that is jesse's thing, access. it is quite provided. it's a metaphor in a way. if you can touch the sky in your life in that way, you can pretty much do anything. >> trevor: you truly can, you truly can. [cheers and applause] what i love most is how many times the parallels will be
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drawn between characters that great actors are playing and the lives that they themselves are living. i think you are no different. you are ascending at a rate that everybody is enjoying. you truly are. you are flying from indie films to a show that was beloved on hbo and then now as you said, you will be in a marble movie, marble movie s. it is the opposite end of the spectrum, it is so big. how do you hold onto the small that you love and acting? i know that you love the minute. but at the same time, we saw you in "loki," you made a pretty kick ass villain. >> yeah, i love acting. >> trevor: it shows. >> thank you. for me, it is my way of healing, you know what i mean?
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you see a character, you go, okay, it is like getting to know somebody. you go, okay, cool. i am pretty antisocial. i do love people. >> trevor: that makes sense. >> can you clap for that? jim asked me when i love people too. [laughter] >> we love people. the cool part about people is we are all the same in a way. i don't want to get in a soap box but we really are, and the older i get and the more i am wearing a kid and building a career, all these [bleep]s are saying. everybody is hurting. it is something about finding a purpose, all the homies talk about it, muhammad ali talked about purpose, that whole book is about people surviving the hard times with a purpose. i feel quite fortunate that this is my purpose. i look at some people and i go,
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tell me where it hurts, what is going on? where does that hurt on me? and you grow that way. you can make some really great friends that we too. >> trevor: wow. you tell amazing stories that way. >> hopefully. >> trevor: it connects to what people are experiencing come of the housing crisis in san francisco, whether it is people being forced out of the way they live, whether it is civil rights in america, i think that you show that in everything. people are so excited to see you, not just in marvel films, but everyone was shocked and amazed, not just at the fact that you were going to be in "creed 3," the trailer looks amazing. [cheers and applause] directed by michael b. jordan, but then the images came out of you on "men's health." i think we have the image here. [cheers and applause] why are you doing this to us? >> i am doing this for us!
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>> trevor: you realize there are normal men out there, we are living our lives, eating bread. what is your body fat percentage at right now? >> 3.6. >> trevor: 3.6? >> 3.6. >> trevor: i feel like athletes are 5. but don't you eat? >> what don't i eat? >> trevor: can you eat? explain this to me! how is it that everybody who gets a marvel movie gets a six pack! what happening here? how many hours, what are you eating? what is your life? >> i mean, what is my life? so i woke up this morning -- >> trevor: no! i'm not talking about that. >> i train come on man, train two times a day. i stay away from carbs. >> trevor: i knew what. >> unless you made the car. i have oatmeal in the morning, that is a carb. >> trevor: you know what i mean? oates is carbs is like someone
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saying, you want to come to a party? they are like, it's a political party. [applause] >> okay, okay. >> trevor: i thought it was a hack. >> about this, i ate shake shack the day before. that is a secret. >> trevor: you see? this is something i can do. i can bring this into my life. >> once you have gotten yourself to a certain point -- >> trevor: oh, no. before i let you go, the first time i saw you on the screen, i was like, this guy, i don't know how he is doing it, how he is making it -- you suck me into your world. i promise you, everyone knows, you will be the biggest star everyone has ever seen. everyone will be giving you the flowers. thank you for being here. thanks for being on the show. thank you for creating what you create. congratulations on everything!
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>> thank you. >> trevor: jonathan majors, everybody. we are going to take a quick break. we'll be back after this. [cheers and applause]
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[cheers and applause] >> trevor: well, that's our show for tonight but before we go: i just wanted to remind you, please consider donating to forgotten harvest, they collect food services from grocery stores, markets, and caterers, and to deliver it free of charge to emergency food providers in the metro detroit area. if you can support them and their work, please donate at the link below. until next time, stay safe out there and remember: before you complain about how hard your life is, remember that some people are forced to own a country club.
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now, here it is. your "moment of zen." >> logged in on ticketmaster, and seeing red. >> there may be some bad blood among taylor swift fans tonight instead of tickets for highly anticipated tour, they are looking at blank space. for those who couldn't get tickets for her upcoming stops here in philly, well, you may just have to shake it off. >> shake it off. >> shake it off. >> just got to shake it off. >> shake it off. >> got to shake it off, taylor swift fans. >> i know that song. ♪ ♪ soda stream. god forbid something cross your lips that isn't soda. tonight on "tooning out the news" -- big news welcomes comedian nikki glaser to discuss whether herschel walker will run on lowering gas prices. for his 70


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