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tv   Roxane Gay Not That Bad  CSPAN  July 1, 2018 12:10am-1:46am EDT

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color have a hard time advancing and so for all of these reasons for those to be talked about. >> that conversation tonight i can't wait to hear and i'm sure that you can't. what do they say to each other? what will it be? that's what makes this particular job so exciting you never quite know the psychoanalyst from the things from our pockets and then to discover with you and then i
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will take a few good questions. [laughter] & books. and then then a biography of themselves and then and then that research was necessary for me. [laughter] have you seen channing tatum's neck? if you have that you understand then you understand
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the curves of course singularly excellent. in those seven words are writer lover of his neck. [laughter] [applause] >> hello.
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>> so yes how would you like to do this? >> words words words. all that stuff in between. and i have been spending some time looking through this book and this moment with intent there are some things that i have never written about and im still processing the courage and then what was the inspiration?
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i was thinking the essay of sexual assault and to the hunger games. and then to survive trauma and i kept thinking that that is pretty bad. why am i diminishing my own experience? into it some other one been through and to open the conversation and then to feel the right vehicle to do that. and surprisingly they said yes because it generally they don't do that well i don't
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recommend that ever but i would happily do that again. so i was just thinking incorporating the voices of others so what is the idea of not that bad? especially where rape culture exist? >> there was upon the kept coming up from no immediate cause and what she sees or referencing and then she is on a train in new york city and then is and if they have committee act of violence and
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basically and then that required to establish the cause every three minutes or every five minutes every day. and trying to make the case that women have had to prove their story questionable the moment they accuse someone of sexual assault. and with those stories that you chose in the way that you chose them. >> it is interesting that nobody believe me. and then to be consistently asked to testify to bare their souls to be believed. after the past couple of years
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we have seen a lot of men who know better who said i did not realize how bad it was. and then to pay attention people say this happened to me. and then to be demeaning or degraded or walking down the street. so i was drawn to the narratives how often women have to tell their stories to believe and how many women collectively had to tell their stories for our culture to do something that quite frankly we haven't reached that number yet. so with the story of hunger and then every generation
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takes these movements and step further. and then take it for granted and what is interesting with the assumption that when one person tells the truth especially venue are put on a pedestal and then the assumption or the exception to the rule to one person going through this and then to get it out of the way to see what is happening on the ground in the communities who tell our stories so what are some things you have noticed with
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the organizing around the country and what made it possible? and for people to hear and pay attention? >> they are feeling like they can come forward. we are hearing conversations about restorative justice. so let's start with actual justice first. this is the question i have as well. >> it is deeply problematic we don't have a chance to decide so we should get our shot to
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think about what they have done and try to make peace i not interested. but at the same time what type of prison system do we send them into with no hope of rebuilding and they are just becoming a better rapist? but we need to see the justice system respond more robustly in look at punitive justice in addition to restorative justice and be could do both. that also involves rehabilitation. i live in florida and if you get a chance to look her up
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there is a documentary called human and telling the story of love and talk about for years and he measured love by how much pain someone could take from him because father would beat him he went through the whole narrative of that but his father would say this hurts me than it hurts you and i love you and that's why i'm doing this. so that justified for him say you hear him talking about not until he go to prison he heard what love was there was a woman who was the mother of the woman and child he had murdered who taught him what
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love was and we had known about her but we didn't realize her connection to the story when we are protesting trave on martin's murder because i have to go see my son in prison little did we know that was the brother that she had taken him on as her son. and with restorative justice and she took it upon herself to have a more just society. between victims and offenders are process has that ever happened for you in your
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life? >> it takes a very special person to do that. i think it takes a remarkable person and i am not a remarkable person. i just can't. but we should have different options and if the victim want to do that transformational process then more power to them. i don't know how many of us have the capacity for that. i don't know what i would say sit down with the men that raped me but i would have questions like why? what are you thinking?
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but what answer could they possibly give me to undo the pain and 30 years of suffering? so that conversation would be useful but i think that's why i'm looking for something that is restorative but also a punitive punishment but is that communities service? i would tell you what if i could get all of them in the room and beat them to a pulp like and watch and then i can also join in i would feel fine after that. with the big kick right to the gonads i would do that more than once to be honest that
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would be delightful. that's the kind of first and im. [laughter] i have never been make them into my brother in any i don't want to diminish what she's doing it is incredible. i wish i was that way. >> yes aspirations part of that to see what is possible knowing that somebody is working towards that. >> but it's real and what it shows is that it takes someone like her because there was a whole history of systemic violence and criminalization so we do have other layers but if you are speaking the full
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accountability process for violence against women and so we do that. i know we are still having conversations about the transformation. >> that was my primary concern with transformative justice but fast-forward we haven't even got to a place with any type of justice and any -- often times people want to fast-forward is in so many people are left out of the conversation where transformation may not be possible. how do we account for that? if you look at the stories of these people they do have hard lives but not all people who have been hurt turn around and hurt other people would like
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to say hurt people hurt people and it is a nice phrase but some don't. so how do we account for the suffering and the ways that those crimes day? it changes you is of any type of justice to account for that? i don't know. >> this is important because we have in struggling with how to behold our brothers accountable? and at the very least we are trying and make an effort to see what is possible to create an alternative and if it fails , it fails i have witnessed
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because there is no accountability in the system the brothers have also been abused and there is no justice for them. so there is a resentment and anger that they carry about the way they have to be so strong and held well together in composed they are from all that has happened to them and hurting people are hurting people that shouldn't be the justification but there is a level of i just can't throw somebody away. i can but i can't so that is the struggle i find from women of color they just want to
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throw people away. even for myself i have to battle with that. >> but if this could help in that conversation or process. >> this shows a range of experiences people deal with with sexual violence and sexual harassment because a lot of times people think it's not that bad he will be fine but then they realize how it can change your make you feel like you have no right now and when you do it is ignored. so so many riders anthology make themselves so vulnerable just to show how long reaching and blasting the effects of
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sexual violence are and i read this on thursday somewhere. [laughter] i look at my website to find out where i am a young man came up to me after words actually one of the most beautiful men i have ever seen in my life in said thank you for not that bad because i have hurt women in the past and this book is helping me to try and do better. it was an incredible moment because it was so unexpected i would not have pegged him for the guy who would treat people badly but here he was to recognize how he has done wrong and that was helping him to realize there was a better way to treat women and i really do hope more men pickup
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the book and recognize this isn't just for women but for everyone regardless of your gender there is a lot to learn i don't think books will save everything and everyone but that's not true. but i do think books can contribute to more empathy if it does do anything it expands empathy. >> for sure people need to read more specialize on -- especially in communities so one of the things i want to bring up about that is how you felt about dave chapelle
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special. >> the new one? i heard about it no thank you. >> he talks about this moment about everybody being so sensitive. what was so frustrating is when it comes to race you are the most sensitive person in the world you have all the nuances you could take it all the way that somehow then you missed the mark drastically and it's always that way we are always but of the joke they never put it on how ridiculous or crazy they ar are. >> there needs to be more of that. >> but i wanted to ask you the ways we can shift this conversation about sensitivity
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and why we are so sensitive because we have not addressed the nuances or violence against women's bodies so for sure we are sensitive so what else would they be if you fell ostracized what other way is there to fight back other than to speak and tell the truth? other than taking up arms? >> we are they are definitely at that point. [laughter] >> or they could wait until we are angry. [laughter] >> but to engage in conversation to say you are being too sensitive really with your $40 million you want
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to talk to me about being sensitive but you are using this platform to cry about your own shit? [applause] also those that say sensitive they never have the introspection at themselves they are always critiquing or punching down and i don't even want to engage with them but i do think they need to watch out because at some point we will be tired of be called sensitive and we. sleeping with all of you. [laughter] and i do want to tell you because we will be fine without you. [laughter] [applause] we will be just fine as long as toymakers keep doing what they do we can replace pretty
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much everything about you. [laughter] so what will that revolution look like? that collectively we need to stop dealing with men for a while. we keep giving them chances. i get it. >> but the problem is not enough women are willing to band together 53% of women voted for donald trump and then to agree with each other to know who to vote for and as we organize we know who to organize next and four.
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so we need to have more activities some and realize we are serious not just black women carrying your water. [applause] >> what i found interesting particularly with men of color and then to use race to talk about gender to sometimes get men to understand the gravity of the issues but also it isn't the same as white women. they were not sitting there saying you are a slave you can't pick the cotton so she make that distinction humanized together so humanity is strong together we need to
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find that together and if being human was that way than what is our imagination for a society? what is the first step healing for you? what does that last step look like if you can imagine? >> i haven't. we are so far from the first step i don't dare dream with the last step would look like. but the first step is solidarity. like you said having to explain the black man gender issues we have so much work to do. i cannot tell you the number of times i try to have conversations with black man and they say but it works for me because i'm a black man.
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i understand you are dealing with unique challenges that the justice system that is predisposed to you and police officers as he was a target for so are the black women and we think that our bodies don't matter so when told that can agree that we all feel the struggle even though it may be different we have so far to go i wish we could get to a place we didn't try to one up each other in terms of suffering. >> we all have things we are dealing with. so let's recognize everybody suffers in some form or fashion and you don't need to prove that you have it worse be heard.
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>> also solidarity is an interesting word because often times in these conversations we know we can't understand those issues just from sheer compassion or respectability politics and what i find happening we will run ourselves ragged and at this point forget that you go work with each other what it means to be human we need to spend some time loving and celebrating one another and that hasn't been possible because we are often interrupted in that process any time a hoop of people come together we are a threat so
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apart of my interest how do you create more spaces? what does that look like for those brothers who are out there? what could they be doing more of a are not doing enough of? >> to see black women as people. and they are there to support them. black women in particular are expected to be incredibly strong and we are supposed to love the people in our lives unconditionally which is not a problem. but without acknowledging we have need with that kind of love and support in return i
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love to see within the black community that acknowledgment we need people to support us and i would love to see men in particular stopped derating black that we have standards some man on twitter says you always want a brother to have a job. [laughter] yes. yes i do. [laughter] because i have one. [applause] to have these very basic conversations where men why do i have to prove myself? because i'm a queen that's
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why. [applause] i wish we would have more men willing to do better because they show up and show out all the time with so little in return but then again it is expected and you saw this in the narrative after the election and we saw it in alabama after jones was elected and black women did that and they said thank god for black women so where were you on wednesday? you were only thankful when we come through but that is all we are ever expected to do to provide salvation for white people and black men but we don't have nearly enough salvation for us to get the
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black maternity we even serena williams who has access to the best of everything had to advocate for herself and nearly died giving birth it is frustrating. >> with an interesting theme even with hunger and not that bad realize often times the body shows up in weird ways that i wasn't conscious of that the way that body parts show up and in particular women are made to feel unsure of our bodies whether or not we are overweight but it is always something to critique one's body the moment you wake
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up you are in a position in the world commercials advertisement songs or social media there is an awareness of your body that i don't think men have to think about. so in looking back i'm also looking at the brock turner case that is now revisited and now looking at the woman her 7000 word letter but she said i stood there to examine my body and decided i don't want it anymore i was terrified of it i wasn't sure if it was contaminated or who touched it i wanted to take it off like a jacket and leave it at the hospital and reminded me when people causally referred to their body and talked how they
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feel broken or unsure of their bodies after dealing with rape or even before with sexual assault. why do you think that is? i think it comes up a lot and how do we address some of these issues women have with their bodies? >> this is to live in the body that no matter who you are or how old or what you look like people have something to say about your body. the dominant narrative is that you are too fat no matter what size you argue a 10 pounds girl you should weigh nine. [laughter] we are always told to fix things i watch a lot of nonsense and also with that comes a lot of drug
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commercials that you ever burst into laughter unexpectedly or cry unexpectedly it was a mental disorder but the weight explained is like do i live? [laughter] sure i will take a pill for that. [laughter] jennifer aniston is selling eyedrops for dry eyes isn't that rough? but it turns out she was paid the most anybody has ever been paid for a drug commercial. so there is always a capitalist interest to address that problem we have to look at that but really it is capitalism that is deeply invested to tell us that our bodies are not perfect and there is a common theme of
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women wanting to create a separation from their bodies because we would like to believe we are safe in our body but then you are sexually assaulted now you are in your body that has been breached and there's nothing you can do you have to live in that body the next day and that is so many women who have dealt with sexual assault or food or drugs or cutting or any type of self abuse to reconcile the weakness of the body or the way it has been violated. you will continue to see that when the body has been breached you have to live with that it is a hell of a thing to live with. >> so that makes me think come
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i have never actually written about my relationships with sexual abuse like i cannot cry but it makes me emotional to have you here and talking about it. i was raped it was hard to say that out loud. and trying to even address that i think about it am still going through my own healing process that affects my relationships the way i think about people, women, and men and so many stories in the book that resonated but i also had a situation where somehow someone found out about this story and set me a message to say this is horrible and and
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injustice we cannot let this person get away with this and it was awesome to have this feeling of solidarity but where is this coming from? she was more ready to fight for me than i was and i am not sure if we talked about in this moment? me to and i felt there was a pressure to put a campaign against the person and almost an accusation for me not just the fading in this moment be down on this person and then it horrified me even more somebody i didn't even want to know my story now knows my story and judging me for me
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not telling the story the way she thinks i should tell my story. so i thought about that because there is that moment of shame but also machining from other women that is not talked about so what is the responsibility of our sisters when we struggle through these moments? >> good question i don't think there is any wrong way for a woman to deal with her own personal assault and it is frustrating how many people and women in particular do get on the bandwagon you have to do something or say something you don't know my life that everybody can it is a privilege to come forward to have the resources emotionally physically and financially to pursue justice for yourself for the sexual assault the
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choice any survivor makes in terms of how they deal with the assault is by choice a genuinely do because it is so personal. and it's hard to say that because at the same time you think if we say something then perhaps they will not do this to another woman but the one thing that haunts me not coming forward is what those five guys did after or if they raped other women. and i'm pretty sure they did. they were just those kinds of guys and if i said something that i have prevented another woman from going through what i went through? that is a difficult space to navigate but women are always supposed to do the greater good instead of the greater
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good for themselves it isn't coming forward or naming names is not what you get to a better place than we have to support that. we really do. it is a rapist job not to rape again not our job to keep them from doing that again. [applause] i am more interested in focusing the conversation so stop being a rapist. stop. if that could work the world could be a better place but i really do believe there is pressure and now we have seen this in the past six with me to what people do say come forward and tell your story why? you already don't know how bad it is? and you're not paying attention. for who?
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people say i want more details. what else? and with harvey weinstein who else did he assault? people don't even really care women have been hurt they just want the details to pass the story around like a party favor to pass the story around like a party favor why do people want to trade in women sorrow? but i do want to address that because i think every chance i have have to tear down capitalism a little bit. but right now we are in a moment of content content more
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vulgar or drama it is so much of our young people see stories of pain and suffering and trauma and i was at an event for you with a encouraged or rehearsed to get them to tell the most gruesome and horrifying stories and there is that that is part of the human experience however there is also a lack of recognizing the fact that humans are multifaceted we don't want to live in a moment you are interested in the story that will make this person look horrible and tear them down so what are the stories that give you hope and
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also in celebration of endurance to love one another? how do women show up in solidarity and incredible strength of how we come togethe together? what are some ways that has happened for you? >> i don't know. one of the things that drives me crazy that marginalizes people in particular that they use their trauma for attention to sell articles and books. if you see a marginalized person i am hesitant to use that word but even though
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there is nothing wrong with that i feel very encouraged and so choose marvelous and joyful storytelling run by a black woman and is not predicated on the black woman suffering. that is the storytelling i am increasingly drawn to because i don't want to see these riders in particular to file have to sell my soul to get my foot in the door and often times that is what they tell them. if you go that route there is nothing wrong with that but you want to make sure you have boundaries for yourself people say i feel like i know you. i want to be a best friend. no you don't. i already have a best friend.
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then i have very firm boundaries there is far more you don't know about me and trying to find that balance. to write that area of expertise i think there is some of the most interesting work or education or for-profit universities and advocating for black women in the way they typically see.
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>> so before we get to questions the last thing is a piggyback of the other questions do you feel there is real life actual changes of how this country views and treats black women? or is that the market to tell the story because she is traveling the world and doing really well that somehow is changing or transforming the actual system and the system has problems
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and t12 and the culture of violence against women? we are not there yet people pat themselves on the back humanity 101 you one you should have mastered that 2000 years ago. to say i have a daughter now that i will stop treating women like shit and to worry about backlash. we are not there. because as you said the detriment of everyone else. said my age and try to sell my book but then i hate when
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people tell me this. never trying to block the entrance to anything but that is how the world is. we don't need someone else in that space we are not interested in collective rising but im but we have a long way to go. not to be optimistic or hopeful. to bring hope and encouragement to make people feel better about the world public what is going on in the world. look with trump or singapore.
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this is the state of current events. and now ariana grande is engaged and she's only been dating for weeks. the world is a mess. and everything is not okay. i am happy for them but really? and then what i saw the story
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so this is lovely. [laughter] and then one of the things that she wrote on the history of rejection of who i am against what i want to do with my mind and my body and my soul. and whether is my vegan i now or the safety of my boundaries and i will and there but she keeps talking about my right and the line that she has in her essay that it is really hard that women are complicit.
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there have been women in my life and many ways beyond sexual violence and with verbal abuse so i am interested in that conversation and then to truly be free so i am honored in this conversation with you. and as teaching tools and those organizing methods the work will not change anything whether book club and then reading a book before we went to bed and to use those moments to change the
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condition of what is happening and through the feelings of someone else so we don't have to keep writing these books if there is a conversation with the audience? please make sure your question is a question please come up to the microphone and ask a question. >> so sometimes i have to talk to men about rape. >> i'm sorry.
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>> sometimes you have to pick and choose your battles why is a rape joke bad and that one point do you give up or not? and not to teach basic humanity. and it is a good question but those to exhaust themselves and with that energy any man that needs to be told rape chat -- rape jokes or bad is not a man you want to spend time with as a man. so i tend to offer reading material and then to have a
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class to enroll in so don't waste your time having those conversations to spend all this energy and you should already know. and then share that reading with them. >> for that one second i have had those conversations and not always fight. i don't want to extend energy but there does have to be some type of level to love you
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doesn't mean it takes away from me or that it is exhausting or it is impossible for sure. but then you could check somebody to feel empowered but this is why you need to learn this. but we also have to not just runaway because some people learn in those moments and those faces where some people say silent and be open but sees something differently that may not change the overall but then one person can have a conversation with someone else.
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>> you want to come closer has people will keep jumping in front of you. >> i had a conversation recently with a friend about sexual assault i don't think that justice exists but that it could exist for society or even for those individuals because you cannot take that back so whether it is restorative or punitive but does that type of justice exist? >> i don't. no. i think there can be a measure of justice but you are right you cannot undo what has been done the same with murder but they don't believe the i for the i i am firmly against the
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death penalty but you can make progress towards reconciliation most people that have been raped want an acknowledgment and an apology but not feel crazy but yes i did this terrible thing to you. and to know that no one else would be hurt way i was hurt would go a long way it wouldn't erase that but. >> the choice to forgive that is a process towards justice to do that for yourself but using rape as an example why do all of the sudden we cannot magically forget that somehow do you wake up every morning
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and look at the systemic violence and think one white person you are so different from the rest if you are not working to change the conditions of the people have to live off the privileges you get the benefit of there is room for justice so men have to radically step up to hold other men accountable to do the damn work to make for a woman to have a choice i would like to have a conversation about reconciliation but you cannot even that is a problem but then not even a space of let me think about forgiveness or reconciliation.
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>> thank you. >> my question is even to discuss troll violence how did you handle that? >> i didn't open call for submissions i didn't want to go beyond the people who could write really well on the topic i received 330 submissions and it was difficult to read through them and to say no but so many were just testimonies not an essay just people saying this happened to me so the hard part was sending the rejection letter to say this isn't an essay but i'm sorry
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for what you have been through. >> but to place that experience in the greater context of what it means with rape culture i try to work with the essay as gently as possible thinking about structure and class in the various things that need to be in an essay had incredible help from macon stepped in who was originally going to be a coeditor and could not follow through i was overwhelmed he stepped up and together we really could give these pieces the shape that they needed. we really didn't have to do any editing of this wanted to
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make sure that i was looking inward and outward to honor their experience but also honoring the reader. >> thank you very much. [applause] >> i am in one of your book clubs. [laughter] but i had already read your book a lot of them gave pushback like we don't want to read about date rape so how do we engage those in this conversation? >> so men need to start holding men accountable and that is all men.
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and often times people say don't want to hear about it that means that i want to be bothered with the reality of the world what a great privilege position that must be. i find that painful from gay men deal with all types of discrimination so what is that about that just shows how far we have to go then i would press further and say why? because i am feelings oxygen but that is a privilege but that is what i feel because i cannot be have any more suffering today but this is not connected to me because everybody can be sexually assaulted regardless of gender sexuality and more people need to realize that this is a conversation we need to have
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collectively and no one is immune. >> i was reading about my rights because this : is hers starting from the personal that makes a plea of the personal landscape of how men treat and so she makes a critique and then to talk about these issues with poverty are all these things are related to the patriarch entries everything around it and as it treats the body there is a fear and to have a
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conversation not just personal stories but those personal effects. >> and the way he talks about women says a lot how he feels in the world. >> good evening ladies. so my original question was in this moment where do you find those emotional reserves? how do you create the space for this joyous narrative you mentioned earlier? >> i remind myself i have every right to joy as much to share my pain. it is interesting because last week i was at an award
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ceremony for queer riders and i said i hope they feel encouraged to remember that writing can be a joyful process i try to remind myself that every single day have a right to express my joy is valid and poignant and engaging as away as i expressed sorrow. >> i will back off to say i try to elevate one another in spaces like matter like arts and culture and to talk about all the things that are wrong but this is why people are coming to movement spaces because they are drained into many people of committed suicide because we aren't talking about what we are
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fighting for what are we looking for? i kept going back what is the first up healing? we start to have that conversation? and that is a big part of it to create the spaces and talk about a movie or a film and love on one another as we are arguing is much as we are talking about those issues that are happening. >> thank you carla hayden. >> i have been thinking we live in a culture that toxic
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masculinity is very pervasive and i feel that kind of atmosphere could prevent other men from coming forward with a told they are too sensitive and so i guess my question is do you think that we have to go a different read on -- different road or is there and in between? >> i think it is part of the scene conversation because i think that is what men to sexually assault other men what i do think we need to do is to create a safer space for men to come forward and be believed and not be questioned
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simply because they have been assaulted and then they are sexually assaulted. unfortunately often times we just don't create that we have to be mindful of that putting together the anthology deftly had to create the men but i did not want to include for example half of the anthology because it is mostly women who endure sexual assaults but we do know that statistic because it's mostly women who come forward we actually don't have accurate statistics how often are men are sexually assaulted we just know that it happens we think it happens a lot more than we imagine that but i don't know what it will take for men to feel safe. it will have to be a lot because it is terrifying because they are told be
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grateful especially if it is a woman there is a little more empathy with man on man but if women are perpetrators for those who engage in violent relationships even though we don't call them that that isn't the case that we do have to change the conversation continuing to remember to create a space for all survivors and we cannot just be passive. >> and you tweeted me about tha that. [applause] >> first thank you so much for using your voices for power i am 19 and in college i go to a
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private institution and all of those along the gender section who have been assaulted but have not come forward because they don't think i'll be believed or the institution protects the assailant if not more than the person assaulted. so in academia were rape culture is never taken care of properly, how do we not start but continue that conversation someone on con mode -- on campus living on campus right now go about any of it? >> you are taking on a lot but it is a good question anytime i go to a college campus this comes up one of the key things
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we have to have students on campus to demand non- campus police deal with assaults they had campus police and administrators to litigate sexual assault and they will always protect the institution first it will protect the endowment verse that will never change. so one of the main things students can do is advocate to go beyond university system for justice called the campus police if you must but also call the local police and many time if college is the main way it is hard to get justice that way but it is a start. >> get your faculty on board and i know that's really hard to do and advocate for
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students who are 19 and 21 you do a lot of good organizing but often times you may need advocacy someone who has more power to stand up for students tenured faculty should be your biggest allies junior tenured faculty don't do anything i see that everyday and think that's a nice gig but those are the people who have the power to advocate and those who deal with sexual assault to just keep the conversation going you are student paying tuition dollars they will not do anything to you. make all the noise you want it'll be the one time in your life you can make noise and protests and actually be heard because it is about capitalism and your dollars matter so use
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those dollars. >> thank you. [applause] >> greetings to all. my question is when coming up with these issues of race and mentioning them such as bill cosby for chris brown black men or women or higher v weinstein or woody allen so why do you think black people are so defensive and pacifying of these men? >> survival. it is that respectability it
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is to the downfall of black communities everywhere talk about it or put a business in the street we have to look out for out for us that chris brown is not looking out for us and bill cosby is not looking out for us. they have done everything in their power to harm black women in particular and with that reason we seem to not want to do anything about it because that is how little black women are valued. so i think a lot of it is survival with the idea that two wrongs don't make a right cares but woody allen did you resist we know that. long -- a rapist and we know that but we can talk about
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them and bill cosby and chris brown or any man of color. >> i think there is a need based off of western patriarchal ideas so i'm a man and this is what it means we are not more prone to defending our men we are not out here like it isn't, to live in a patriarchal world and we raised men a lot of times. we have a different level of compassion that doesn't mean
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we can't hold people accountable or expect that our brothers will but it is unfortunate you have to wait to you have a child to understand that you need these narratives to have compassion so raising our young boys just say that so i think we will try and do our best but they just need to die off. some ideas need to go i am really excited about the future and the junk people we just came from the young people across the state of florida and all these kids have pronouns in gender and ways to talk about sexuality
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and we need to focus on what we are teaching for us to get this to change. i have seen some young people really fight with men to get things moving so yes. that is what keeps giving me hope you might not be having those conversations as much as we should but we are fighting the fight. thank you. >> i am a reporter so what do you both wish the media did differently or better? >> i wish the media would use better language. careless language of sexual violence to be concerned how the media writes about and sometimes journalists do have
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to use certain types of language because they write this has not been convicted but sometimes they could be less obfuscating of what is going on or talked about the planer we are with our language the more progress we will make because if we use these phrases than the easier it is to pretend everything is okay and we need to stop focusing only on the victim but focus more on the people accused of the crimes and explore what they have going on. harvey weinstein walked into a courthouse and that is appalling.
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i would like to see more people talking about that how uneven the justice system is even a ripened one -- rapist could select the time he could turn himself in, bring his check, didn't spend one minute in jail. [applause] >> about one year ago i had workplace harassment i'm no longer in that situation but to violate the people of my life and then their own not that so how do you reconcile
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but not that bad? >> you have to be patient with yourself. and it is different from rate. and then to acknowledge the harm and to encourage people in your life to recognize that everybody will get it and that is unfortunate but you have to find a way to be at peace but then people show you who they are. and if they were able to hear their story and we don't talk
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enough about sexual harassment but it is a problem. and to create space to share the stories it was bad enough and that's all that matters and then you get to that place to say it was in this or that but it was. >> to have a question for each of you you came on the stage about an experience and that was powerful so did you come
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here today intending to do that? so what is that moment like for you if you don't mind me asking? >> and i want to use this to talk about it and it would mean for me to be super nervous that there is a lot of pressure to be strong at everything you do is so simple and every woman carries a story.
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and then over time to have everything in life so that me to moment but to start that moment and to have those silent conversations and i didn't know it was that bad so that has been doing that for me and learning what it's like to communicate and that is what is powerful about the book and everyone can have older have their own level of peace. whether sexual assault or verbal abuse there are
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different levels of violence against women that we have witnessed. and then to take the time. you don't even need to be that detailed the 10000 more% to relate to be open to look into those essays that you did not anticipate did that stand out
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to hit you that you were not possibly ready for? >> i think they all stood out but how they dealt with this and those repercussions. in addition to the individual story i thought that i knew that i saw so much pain from family members or strangers or friends and lovers and there is nowhere where a woman is safe. a haunting thing to recognize and trying to reconcile that but yet we have to.
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that is what resonated with me it is pain and suffering and avoidable. >> there is a moment where that we talked about the pressure of what it means to continue to love and want intimacy as the struggle the way we feel uncomfortable around sex after so that was possible and those that don't want to allot. about afraid of touch and
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intimacy to bring people into this world and that is something we have to address. [applause] >> thank you very much
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>> thank you for this one's lifetime moment lifetime. a lifetime of writing, how did that happen? for starters my father's field was forced medicine he was the
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doctor of the princeton football teams. when i was eight years old the football jersey black with orange tiger stripes with the number 33 on the front and back was made for me by the same company that made the big guys uniforms. on saturdays i ran into the stadium with the team stood on the sidelines and after they scored i went around the goalpost well one saturday cold wind driven saturday i was miserable. the rain was in my eyes and i was shivering i knew there were space heaters up in the boxes. [laughter] i saw those people sitting dry under the roof and decided then and there to become a writer. [laughter]
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so creative nonfiction is a term currently having it stay but when i was in college he didn't put those words together there would have been looked upon as a fool very creative nonfiction is the title of the college course i teach and required to give it a title from the university of pittsburgh the title asks the obvious question. what is creative about nonfiction? it takes a whole semester to try to answer that but here are a few points creativity
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lies in what you choose to write about and how you go about doing it in the way you present things and the skill with which you describe people and to develop them as a character and the integrity of the composition does it get up and walk around on its own? the extent that it tells the story in your material so creative nonfiction is not making something up that making the most of what you have or as my daughter said last week it's not fake news. [laughter] finally i would like to pay homage to william from the new yorker looking at that factual writing was a very lucky thing for me he understood creative
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work through time the most concise summation i ever encountered was a response to a question i asked him before we closed my first new yorker profile and sent off to the press it was about bill bradley and college basketball and after all of those sessions with those backdoor plays and then in the architecture while the new yorker magazine had its headlines i finally said how can you afford to you so much time to go into so many things with just one writer from the soul enterprise to keep together? he says, it takes as long as
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it takes. as a writing teacher i have repeated that statement to two generations of students if there are riders they will never forget it it could take a lifetime. thank you so much. [applause] >> my name is jessica i am chief of staff at young america foundation welcome. i would especially like to welcome our viewers online. today we are joined from our intern as a nonprofit organization conservative movement with the student conferences


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