tv Samantha Irby Wow No Thank You CSPAN January 15, 2021 9:39pm-10:48pm EST
the country so with the inaugural there is a feeling of freshness and newness to turn the page to bring in the new one and you get that sense with the inaugural so this is an opportunity for the president-elect biden to offer what he thinks the tone of the moment ought to be. >> look at inaugural addresses through american history, the best and most effective are the ones in which the new president points forward and talks about his agenda. not necessarily in great specificity because you don't have the time to do that and it's more of a fanatic speech but clearly and confidently forward. >> it with the organization we
library with our youtube channel and follow the podcast from our quality content the nonprofit community at large due to the recent wave of events and then using the donate button at the bottom of the screen. also being hit of the negative effects of the covid outbreak limit by purchasing a copy of the book. to its conversation will last around 35 minutes please
submit your question in the ask a question button and that they can address every question and get to as many. this work is made possible and to be supported by culture and also like to thank all of the members watching and as a memoir and comedy writer and also with the guts and glory and then collaborating with jacobson and that what we are
thank you sam for being here. >> so i will turn into a pumpkin at some point. >> we appreciate even more than your presence. [laughter] >> earlier this week talking to the townhall staff we have up to 90 minutes i said i don't think we will be here 90 minutes. >> i cannot do anything for more than an hour. >> and that is like my life force and now just take sudafed. [laughter]
we are so happy that you are here so glad we can feel your energy. who graciously agreed to read something from the book and then just to talk about what the book has meant to me. it feels different on some level and a low key bad all the time but we have no plans when i was reading your book was thinking what is this that
i feel? i feel just happiness or complicated like it will just fall off so let's talk about this. >> so this is put on - - this is big you had an instant new york times bestseller that is one measure but for the last six weeks in the bookstore bestseller. and it's kind of left up to say you are killing a during this pandemic but you are. and when i was thinking about it that way it's another reason that brought me true joy because if anyone should be killing it in a pandemic it is the black clear lady with
an hourly wage worker. and that is like what our society has society on - - has decided. >> that is like when i was trying to come up with the title glad we didn't go with it at the top of my list was dying is fine. [laughter] so i have excepted. [laughter] i'm glad we did and where they talked me out of it. >> your success has been an actual source of real joy to me like it is some bed of justice so i just wanted to
say that and thank you. >> you know how to gracefully accept a comment without deflecting it so i will say thank you. >> you are welcome. [laughter] it is good. i deserve it. i'm making it weird. >> but that most normal people it's not normal but regular people i would much rather be hearing this over a loudspeaker. [laughter]
when you could hide and read. >> so this is a request for people to tell me what they want to hear with that body negativity from the terrible book that i hope you will purchase. >> but essentially all the things we are told we have to do to have a body and a good body and how i don't think any of those things is possible for a normal person. what is happening on your back right now? how much hair is on it? is the skin soft?
years of spending every day in a straitjacket leaving weird marks on it? how your moles doing? what is that weird scaly patch? what on top of all the other stuff you cannot keep track of about the part of your body that you cannot even fucking see? i wonder what's going on my back? in 2002 when they live downstairs in the apartment for mine you'd hear you are so warm inside and then making love to my rear end. so have you been a fucking
corpse i'm not such the asshole i bought a lipstick trying to dislocate my fucking arm to you so much force that it pled and then after my shower tried to slather it on to see how dry and raw the trickiest part of my body to reach would feel after having after 20 years of dead cells scrubbed off. going back up to the towel rack with the dog against the dry towel into my wounded skin it didn't feel right for weeks
the next time they knocked on my door inappropriate but he did stop accidentally slipping into my a nice long enough to say ouch did you fall on your back? you want me to put some liquid bandage on their? thermometer dick showing me no good deed goes unpunished and you should never do anything nice ever for anyone. so then to examine all the shipped you can do but won't because who could keep track of all of this? i don't mean the boobs that piece of real estate between your neck and where the boobs begin this is how i take care of my chest. sometimes when i wash my face
but only after i've taken a shower i will accidentally squeeze out too much moisturizer or put too much or you'll in the palm of my hand as i frantically looking around the back on - - the bathroom to find a way of disposing of it it will dawn on me that i could just rub it on my chest and have a shiny test on - - breastplate for the first three hours of the day. but i also have chest acne at all that's what it is but i get these little bumps and what did i survive puberty for 30 years later i am squinting at the drugstore in the aisle trying to figure out which options available work best on a saggy thorax. and then when they put on your chest until your 99th
birthday. i do not have perky to its. i think those days are over. over and over again like a mantra people already know what your body looks like so you don't have to try anymore. my breast are shaped like summer squash i'm on my one - - you don't want to fight gravity and those that are hanging below my clavicles going into daily battle. are they lifted? separated? does the band fit? is the cap right is the broad flat against your skin? does it create weird lumps under your sweater?
lacey? breathable? scratchy? does it take moisture? i heard that the thing you're supposed to want. what are we talking about again? theoretically everyone loves a strong broad shoulder but nobody tells you how to get one. so you have to be born with them and michelle obama is the gold standard and there was a post feed on how they got that way. and then invest in some nice cardigans. and then 365 days a year harm care and maintenance as a whole thing you could, like i have, issue all the possibilities and let it go and then in the arm cave.
or wax or sugar to laboratory or reason the hair off. powder and deodorize it. i guess it all depends and not taking beauty vitamins because i love an easy fix even if it isn't real. and then paying a decision without getting a bachelors degree and chemistry. do you want to smell my baby powder or cherry blossom? would you rather be somebody 100 percent of the time or destroy your flocking brain?
fucking brain? should i keep reading? >> i fell this is the case if i go to an event i want to hear you read. and just to hear thermometer dick read out loud. [laughter] >> i forgot what you told me to stop. this whole thing is really long. >> and you sent me a voice memo on - - a voice memo talking about the legend. so i will call you and give you personal reading after
this. >> there is so many things your work touches on but what i love it's about being in your body every way that it interacts with every level of society this is how you see yourself. and that it resonates with so many people. and the standards to hold our bodies to our impossible have to be rich to be able to do that. and then to fall apart and feel us. but a good body is alive so
what you are saying is it is enough to have a body and it's okay with that quick. >> i wouldn't feel overwhelmed and this is the thing as a person dealing with crohn's disease is all the things you're supposed to eat to keep your body going and if you truly eight the 12 cups of kale and broccoli, you would never stop eating. because there is no time and in addition to all the things that you want to we forget what you are supposed to eat and then the things you want
feel like it's a solid. >> i had one for dinner and i felt very, very much like i loved myself for the five minutes but for the rest of the time i was eating salad i was like this is a lot of work and kind of gross. i really wish this was something else so i just wanted all to be free enough to say that i am not getting in all of the beans and that's fine. i that i don't eat enough beans revolution that'll be good for me's. mac i think there's also this this idea in our culture that if you were to do your optimal kale to not situation and have all of your macronutrient somehow you would be more healthy or perfectly healthy and that is good.
there is this idea that if you are healthy you are morally superior to other people. whereas what about people who are disabled people, you know people who are living with these problematic inconvenience bodies and we are no less good. >> right, i would much rather do whatever i'm going to do and have that shave a few years off, i was talking to my friend's dad who had watched some documentary and he said you know, how people i meet old people watch a documentary and think that there a professor all of a sudden. i mean you watched one movie, but he came to me and he said you gotta cut up this and do that, and i said man if you are 72 and counting your potatoes what is the.?
why even live to be that age if you can't eat ice cream all day if you want. like, so you can be around it 90 question make so i think no way. i'm actively decomposing all of the time, i'm just going to do whatever i can do to get to the next day. >> because dying is fine. >> and sometimes is valid come to, and sometimes it's not. >> i want to ask you you write so much about your body and so openly and where you think that came from? i know when you started out it wasn't your thing like i'm to become a writer now this is my thing, but where does that come from? this is stuff that a lot of people are comfortable with. >> i think, i definitely did not grow up with smart
progressive people. and there was no sort of, i mean nobody ever gave me a hard time because i was fat but they certainly were like embrace your body! and accept it. well it was just like, we are poor you look like we look and that's fine. but i think, and so i didn't grow up with any kind of radical self-acceptance or anything like that. i was definitely wallowing in safe hatred, but when i started writing and when i started performing my work especially, it was like a scary as it is, it still scares me. i think that people especially perform the good fatty thing, words like i'm fat but i love walking. there's that whole thing, and
i didn't ever want to be that that's not real. but it's like writing about it, even as uncomfortable as it still makes me feel, at least you know what you're getting when you get to it. if you read something i've written then you know who i am and i can't hide from that. it was the same i think, maybe i started with the crones first, being really open about that because then i don't have to explain what i'm going through. i don't have to tell you, if you read something i've written then you know i'm going to be in the bathroom for 35 minutes, and don't call the ambulance or whatever. and i think when writing about my body was sort of like the same thing. i remember, dating online and i had a profile in my name, i
mean obviously people knew what they were getting because my screen name was bart rob. but, i was like all of my pictures were very honest, no kind of exposed, but i never wanted show want to show but a barbie like uh-oh no thanks. yet the version of ui song lie was a lie i wanted to feel more free in my writing to talk about it so then at least when we meet you're not like zero i thought you were like a tiny little waist. and i'm like actually know put that on my i need part of it or put that on my play any part of it. and it's different because it's sort of like i write alone and then i just send things to my editor and i'm
like blah blah blah before i change my mind. it takes a lot of people who don't talk to me about it, see it before it's published so then it still kind of feels like mine. and then once it's out in the world that i can't to get back. i have said these things about my yeasty bifold's and now everybody has read them so were just gonna talk about it. it feels less scary especially now because i just kind of write in my little hubble and set it off and then months later comes back in a book. i don't to reread it until they send me the first pack of edits. and i'm always like i put that in here? you know, obviously i were immediately changed my mind. >> so you were saying, the one that i picked up on, this seems important to me is that
you are free. you know you were loose writing it, this is just what i need to say i wasn't self-conscious or seems you were self-conscious. you make yourself free, so if you're already saying the things that you imagine people might make fun of you, or like, give you a hard time. if yorty said it, then you have to be okay with it. >> i'm glad you said that because that's a big thing for me too. for one i will say anything in service of a joke. i'm always trying to get the laugh. and i take aim at myself first because you know it's like i don't know if it's punching down, it's punching lottery but no one's going to get hurt. but the thing about how to deflect bullying either you're a crier i'm going to make the
joke before you make the joke and then that takes the teeth out of your joke because i already said it. so if i walk in the door i'm poor and i have shoes in palos what are you going to say that's gonna be worse than that. so i learned that as a coping mechanism early. just to get through the day is like, punchline after punchline or are like this is my own stuff. >> so this is your coping ms. unk mechanism you're not just absorbing it or internalizing it which i think a lot of people do. >> there some of that too, but in the moment i am definitely all say it before you even say it and then later will they still said it and it's done but at least i said at first. you know. >> so this idea that embodiment and how we think of people who are embodied, in my mind it means your occupying your body and your also connected to your brain.
but i think i made the mistake for most my life where i imagined that people who are embodied are somehow like super healthy, or have a certain kind of body. bone i read your work connie, this is a deeply embodied person. well i also bust out that i have a school on the sales of mycelium, when you are dealing with all of the stuff you acquire and you become an expert, you're not a scientist but, you acquire some terminology and you also acquire the and knowledge of and the knowledge of that lived experience. is it something you think about? does that seem accurate to say? do you feel i embodied person? >> well i mean that sounds more beautiful than how i have ever put it. so i appreciate you for giving me that language because now i'm going to co-op and say i am a deeply embodied person.
i think the way think of myself, that's true, i often feel like my brain is a thing trapped inside this body and so i know and because it's given me so many problems from so many areas i'm like i'm deeply knowledgeable. well not to get all you know this about it but when you have a lot of problems and you're in a fat black body and you have advocate for yourself to the doctor a lot, you learn that you need to learn that all of the stuff that they're saying so that when you see this other doctor that you don't know very well you can tell them what you and what they need to know to help you. so i think when i first started dealing with the crohn's i learned all of the
stuff, because you know you see this doctor in that kind of doctor and you have to know this one says on that one says. so i learned kind of the stuff just as a function of making things easier for me. i'm always trying to make my life easier to move through. and then i think once i really started writing about it, zero no what is happening? can you still hear me? there we go. we love this country and her internet is full. this internet shut off at 930? this probably a raccoon outside shooing off the wi-fi or whatever. so if i disappear or blame that animal. so i got to know all the terminology and stuff just so that i could be more helpful to myself. and then when i started writing about it, i think
that's when i was like oh yeah, so this is the thing that i have to. i think i have a contentious relationship with my body, but i have learned it so well that i can write about it and i feel deeply into with it despite all the problems. >> you know that's the thing. i think having problems or being in tune with it doesn't, yet i think were all late to the game on this. think maybe a couple years ago you can be into with your body unless your body looks a certain way. but that's not true. >> i believe that i would feel like, i mean this is not a grass is greener situation, but because i haven't had children i feel like i can't be as in tune with what my body can do as a woman who has grown a child. i feel like you've got to be into with your body in a way
that i could never, you know understand. i've grown some tumors. >> i feel like you're into with your body because your body still do this thing doesn't mean you should or you have to. i think there's a certain and thing and it goes both ways and you have to know that something that you once or not. it requires to be very into with your buddy as well. >> yes that's for sure's. >> i was thinking, i wanted to ask you about something and let's talk about your endometrial ablation. just to go back to that idea. it breaks my heart that you kind of gloss over it but that idea that i have to go into and i'm failure with the feeling, it's not exactly the same but when you go into a doctor's office or provider's office, and you are like i am fully prepared for you to not believe anything i'm saying. i'm also prepared for you not to listen and i fully prepared to have to advocate for
myself, and maybe get a little heated if necessary. but so, i have questions about the ablation because does this make you menopausal now? are you perimenopausal? our hormones off? what's happening? >> so i perimenopausal, but i think that's is the function of my age. but the ablation didn't, i didn't need any hormone replacement therapy or anything like that. they just kind of, i mean for lack of a more eloquent way of putting it, they knew it inside and rendered it nonfunctional. so i still have a uterus i still have all of my fallopian tubes and yes all of those curly swishy tubes. they just don't do anything.
or anymore. i think i must make eggs though. >> will then what happens to them? well i'm knocking on the door perimenopause. >> do they just fall out to they just reabsorb? because there's nothing for them to attach to anymore because they burned. >> was of the scorched earth? >> yes they burned inside of my uterus so that i haven't had a period in two years. maybe three years. something like that. >> and then eventually something of this going to menopause right? but at this.they just wither and go away? right chris mark. >> i don't know when you stop producing eggs. >> when your fetus you actually come out of the baby with all the eggs you ever get a half. there yeah this is wild. and so then they just mature
and then you have a limited number of eggs. i know a right feel like i'm on my last few eggs. i know, i'm 42 and i just feel like my. just got a weird now. it's changed. i'm just curious about that, the thing to go back to you, you read about this or talked about in the book i was very angry as i was reading it. you're like i just want to take this thing out. i'm not having children, it feels like a source of shame are you said it is and it's to comfortable and it's terrible for me i want you to just take it out. and they said no. >> it was so unmanageable that , i am a health hazard when i leave my home because i just am, it's like the hall of the shining elevator scene, all of the time. but again, i don't know enough
to speak confidently that's when insurance gets involved in the doctor and your age and then for us and of that. so they were like know we have to leave it in, but we will decide what you can do with your body. it was not my choice, we will. i mean they did everything short of taking it out. i had to go in for surgery, and be completely out but then they just burned it to a crisp. >> on that note, i feel like maybe this is my personal thing and then you talk about the uterus. >> that's great it's okay no it's asked me about the. >> i think it's interesting to that when you go to the step by step process to talk about the knowledge of your body and whether you have children or not right, you hadn't talked about having a d&c. which is a procedure that i have had after having lost a pregnancy and they were like before you might have to go in
and will have to do this dnc to just scrape out what is left in there. so that's a good thing that i am familiar with, and you are having on the flipside i had no interest in having children but you wanted to vacate it anyway. but all of these things are tied, female reproductive health, whether or not you choose to reproduce or not or whether or not you have the right to decide what's going on in your own body. his. >> and you don't! mister blue caution mister blue shield got to make the call on what happens to my uterus. but luckily for me here's the thing, it took sometimes it doesn't take. and it took and whatever burn potato chips are left inside my uterus there's nothing sticking to it. i haven't felt like my eggs are hanging out there so maybe i got to write a thank you
note to blue cross and blue shield and be like well you got this one. >> you didn't have to have a major organ removed yes i guess but i think if you want to take it out you should be able to. on lighter something lighter, this is like another personal thing, but should we talk about the days? if you like you need to get a bidet for your health. >> i should. i have ed travel the day which is like a little it's like a long thing it where you crush down and then has all spout and you can fill with water and should at your butt hole. >> you should get one for your home. i have one and my mom got it from you and i was pregnant because when on my second or third trimester when i sit on
the toilet i don't know what happened. i don't know what's gonna come out. i don't know what end it was very difficult to reach her life so i'm you need to bidet my mom said. but isa v don't need was but my mom ordered one for us in that it showed up in my mom and i looked at it and said we don't need this thing we looked out for a month and then he put it on and within 24 hours we were like how do we ever that without this? when she got is this fancy one where you can have where you replace the whole seat of your toilet it warms up and you can also control the temperature of the water that comes out. >> can a dem and useless person do this, because i am not handy. >> yes it's a remote control and you can definitely do this. >> attaching it i mean? >> you should attach it or make someone do that. my husband do it. a handyman? the team?
it makes a big difference in the end it's like a clean wipe. but get the dry off as you want to be wet but it's a smear campaign or anything. if you can spend as much time in the bathroom as you do. >> i don't know why i haven't already, i don't think that you could i didn't know you could buy one. i didn't know that you could buy a whole extra toilet. >> so i think the rest of the world is hip to the dip. this is like everywhere. throughout asia and in the philippines were my family is from some of that the it looks like a garden snake it's his rusty asked thing in the toilet is sort of scary to has little hinged so there's varying degrees. but even then, if you don't have that there's the tomo which is like a pale.
the idea being that paper is not enough. it's only in america that we've decided that papers the solution to cleaning our asses and it's not efficient. but the water is gentler and stuff that we have a toilet paper shortage any day now. >> listen i'm on it. i'm going to order one assumes get off this call. whatever this is this event i'm doing it. comes like this is the only thing i need to. >> okay great. i wanted to ask you about, i had to read the you know you start it off as a blogger and then writing books and now time magazine is like hey do you want to go profile is so? that's the thing you do now. and i went back and reread that profile and i wondered as i was thinking can we post some of these questions to you where you are like you don't want to ask was a why you?
why now? without sounding kind of like you know she's been doing this for a long time. but like how would you answer that question? i think it's relevant to where you're at. >> i think it's kind of the same thing, i think there's a little i've been doing this a long time, i've built up a fan base of people who are loyal to me, i give a lot of my work away for free so people can try it out. so honestly in the ten years of blogging and i still do this newsletter and i'm just constantly putting work out into the world. so i think there's some of that, some of it is straight up and this is the part i don't really understand, is marketing. right, like my last book did
okay and so then you know they put your book in workplaces and send it to more people. so that's gotta be a part of it too. but i think also i know you're asking the bigger question, i think i mean it's maybe a time for more diverse voices in this space? and people are more open to it, you know i love me some dave sit eris, and i love me some nora ephron or whatever and i don't know she's the best example but let's go with her. but people who do kind of what i do and maybe people are more open to hearing some hay my life is dumb jokes from a black woman. i honestly don't know. the culture has changed and is changing right. i think there is a shift where just more diverse people are
getting our getting opportunities. but i think for me specifically a lot of time just hey read this blog, hey read this thing, hey here's a man, you know a constant and constantly keep work going. and i have amassed this very dedicated group of people. i mean there's a message as i get from people all the time on instagram and i've been reading your blog since 2008. a lot of that is just a lot of my core og people. i mean honestly, the internet too, i don't i'm not a sociologist all be asleep the vast amount of people can easily slip share my stuff. and i guess that goes back to the giving it away for free.
for me writing online people can share my stuff and then, you know someone will be like that person has a book i remember this thing she wrote at this time that i read. or she used to write that blog? i sure my blog more frankly i've just been constantly putting things into the world and it's paying off. >> think it's interesting when you arrive at that place where you don't have to give stuff away for free you know is in have to be writing and just you can go hang out. do the next thing you want to do, whatever it is. >> i still love to like to do the free stuff because it keeps you on people's minds which is like a space for people to know what i'm thinking about. especially now that it'll have
a day job i'm in a keep writing stuff on the internet so people know that i'm still talking to them all the time and again then you build that sort of, i mean it's a lot to ask somebody to spend $16 on some stuff you wrote. and to know for months they been reading my newsletter they know that it's going to be worth the money, then it kinda builds that trust. but i mean for us the cultures concerned i think were just slowly making the shift to open more doors for people. and i think honestly not to to my own but, but i think my success or the ability the things that have happened with this book especially, more people like me are going to get deals now. and i encourage everyone and
to you make your own collection but use months of calm and say by mine and i think that's what's happening too. were seeing you don't do the same thing, but because roxanne sold a million copies, well this girl looks at carlos give her a deal too. you know what i mean? remit to the whole thing, the idea of comps it's not a great sciences once built on but okay i'll take that. so the industry wakes up and knows that it makes sense as far as a business standpoint that look more like us so it's a good business model if you're just a class capitalist. okay were going to move to questions from the audience. and i think this comes from a
local library and. what books have you and enjoying lately? >> no i am currently reading, so i mostly read fiction because i like an escape. also, what other peoples true stuff makes me feel bad about myself i can't read that book is too good i'm gonna quit reading it kind of thing. so i read a lot of fiction, the new ms drop book it is very good. i also really love a thriller in a horror book and i just read a book called no return, which was very good. and i keep telling people i read this book a while ago called under the rainbow it's fiction and it's about this fictional town i think and kansas that's made like the
most homophobic town in america then they send some gayland it's there some task force into the town. and you get a lot of people's perspective on the gate task force in this town and it's really good. i'm not good at selling a book but like those are three good ones. >> alright thank you. someone is asking, they're saying that they loved your soup recipe on instagram this week. i'm going to slightly modify the question which is like, would you write a cookbook next or would you redo that? >> okay so here is the when you pick this as your job, i will turn down no opportunity that is real. so if someone, i would need to get a food person to do it with me so it's like legit,
but if somebody wanted to do one with me and is somebody else wants to give us money then yes. >> you could just pick your favorite top chef contestant do that. >> i love top chef. i mean let's do it wouldn't that be fun? i have this dream, maybe i can make this a reality, of doing this cookbook where real jeff wrote to the instructions in a normal way and then i wrote the lazy how i would make it way. >> went halfway through you realize you didn't use the right amount of flour. >> and then i would take a picture of my ugly one in their gorgeous one. >> i think that's a good idea cooking should be aspiration it should be real, right. >> let me text my agent looks good on that. find me, someone.
>> bb can diversify your income stream. >> he only see people doing things and you're like zero she's desperate she did not want to have to go back to work at the gas station or whatever. that's what you're going to be like sam did what? >> i think that people would excited about it. you i think it would actually seem like fun. you don't wanted to end up, you don't want to do the same thing for the rest of my life. i wonder why it would do one thing. that might good to you i don't know. might be fun for you to take a risk. >> i'm gonna try it i hope you made that soup it was delicious. >> i want you to be like match up with sheldon. when my personal top chef contestant. or gregory. >> is he can win top chef all-stars?
i don't think so but it might be melissa or gregory. but gregory he had a way i wanted made to win but maybe gregory could one yet totally. >> yeah but met gregory's amazing but melissa is in that season two and she made it to the top three or four. >> and her mom was so cute she loved her so much. and i think melissa is the most adorable person. yes of course. on gregory or melissa would work. >> sc so here's a good question. this is little more serious but i think people would like to hear from you on this. so is healing for making disorder it would helpful for me to move towards being a fully embodied person like you are. something healthy. any suggestions for how to start? i currently both hate and fear my body. >> well, i mean obviously if
there's, so this is kind of tricky. i would say if you could do therapy that would probably help. but i'm not in therapy so i can take the stuff that i do. i have found that one of the things that has been the most helpful consistently and i do every day, is i used to do on tumblr and now i do on instagram i just follow as many different types of people who show their bodies as i can. and i just want to scroll and scroll and scroll and look at pictures of that people and underwear and i catch myself i always think she so brave or litter so brave.
you're not brave, they're just taking pictures of the bodies they live in and they are posting them. and that is the thing that has been helpful to me. i also, for a specific resource, i'm sure you can search hashtags or whatever i'm trying to think. i was just going through fat girl flows feeder earlier like chris is amazing, but you can just search has to hashtags are look at the four page. you all know how to work how and i'm too old to tell people how to find things on instagram peer. and carolyn jenner has a post and instagram called the f it diet. it's about intuitive ending. and i know that listening to a podcast is not a substitute for therapy, but it is a mac
not everyone can afford it so. >> yeah so she is so knowledgeable and she makes things so plain when she's pleasant to listen to and her advice is so good and she is a good resource. and i think, i think she is like that f it diet and all platforms but yet looking at people's bodies all day every day, you know the internet is disgorged but is also. >> this is one of the best things about it though you can see people. >> yeah feeling like you're alone that you're the only person is such a horrible horrible feeling. and then just seeing people living in their bodies they don't even have to be doing anything revolutionary they're just laying on the couch or whatever but it's like zero, there's this person who looks
like me. and doesn't have whatever hangups i have. i mean i'm fully clothed all the time i am in sleeves and pants down to the floor. it's not my ministry to post myself in my bra, but looking at people and there's is really helpful for me. >> yes i agree, i think there's something to it but you can justify scrolling this way but you get to a place where normalized. the more workable to see the awareness about your body and deceive yourself with nut. >> you really have to get into it almost in like absurd amount or you're just kind of like, it took my initial feeling is never horror. it's not like zero i'm worried from this person and work from all of the trolls all say nasty things that the stomach
that too. and just kind of scroll scroll scroll and look look look and just it's taken years of that but it has certainly helped. >> i think were going to do two more questions. because we are getting closer to 10:00 o'clock where you are now. >> i mean it's okay. >> someone wants to know, this person is originally from southwestern michigan and she's fast say that you live in kalamazoo. and how was the shift from chicago to a place with the more middle america mindset, how's that then? >> it was hard at first. leaving anywhere is hard in chicago, i'm from evanston which is north of chicago, but chicago is the only place i've ever lived. like everyone i know, will not know if the internet, but
everyone that i could hug and tension call my real life friends is there. so leaving was hard just because of that. then, coming to a place that doesn't have a lot of public transportation in restaurants and places to go and places to occupy yourself. and i moved here and didn't have a job and no office to go to every day, no purpose. no purpose other than sitting my own thoughts and it was really hard because there was nothing here to distract me. there was no big glossy mall for me to go to incident every day. so the adjustment was difficult at first and you know there's no fast food and i want some fee the penal food but there's none of that here. i have to get on the amtrak and go home. on the flipside, what we pay
for this entire house is less than my studio studio apartment in chicago and what it cost. that is an incredible feeling. we did a drive to the flower farm, we warmed the car up into the long drive, and we are to the gas station and the gas was like a dollar 44. i can't go back to the kind of bust a nut traffic where everybody is expressive. i don't know if i could go back. so that there's a lot of city things that i missed city things that i miss, but they're mostly convenience things. >> don't you missing black people every day? >> you know kalamazoo has a fair amount of black people.
we have what you call him, the guy who takes care of our lawn but really takes care of our whole lives is really a black dude. i remember when i first met him i was like okay. there's a whole black side of town and there is a soul food restaurant so it was more than i thought there were. but it's still not like chicago read but chicago is the most segregated city. in america you know. so it's not you know there's a all types of people there but you don't see every type of person that there is there. but it's been a of adjustment but not as bad as i thought and i found some good stuff too. i have like places. will not anymore but before the pandemic. >> back when there were restaurants and places.
>> we had a couple of restaurants in the before times that we went to. >> okay the last question that were to go with is and i think a lot of times about people in the audience are writers in a kind of curious about this myself. can you tell little bit about your writing process? >> yes of course. i always wait until the last possible minute. it's so funny, i have a couple of the end of the week deadlines and is tuesday night and i'm like i might start that. i'll give that a couple of days. before when i lived alone my old apartment i would always write during the day it was really important to me to write when the sun was up so i would mostly write on the weekends when i didn't have to work and i had one day off during the week and now that i live with other people i can't
write if people are moving and things are happening. so i have to wait to everybody goes to bed. and so i don't start writing until 10:00 p.m. and i'll write till three or four in the morning. which was a big shift for me, but the. menopause, thankfully, i don't sleep really so i can do something with that time. and i have a desk and a lamp in the whole set up and there's lots of books on my desk and it looks very writerly, i never sit there i sit in this old beat up armchair with the big pillow on my lap and my laptop on top of that. and as for an actual essay, i like to make notes here all show you hold on. used my close up. but here's some notes for this essay i want to write about
doctor appointment that i had that if i do another collection will put that in. i like to make notes and then i always my main rule is that i want to know how it's going to end before it starts. i never start writing a thing until i know how it ends. that's my,. >> is it ever to change why you're doing it? >> yes sometimes. but i have to write to an ending i can never, i just will not write a thing if i don't know where i'm going. that's my one piece of advice know where you're going. it is a matter how you get there just know where you're going. >> thank you. >> thank you this was incredible excavation.
>> i'm going to jump in and do our outer row. thank you so much for this enjoyable, informative conversation. i'm sure her audience agrees it was absolutely i want to encourage everyone to buy the book and get to loud and think our friend the third-place book anyone support our book friends. so please get a copy of while no thank you. if you feel so inclined would also love and support for you to donate there's a button at the bottom as well. follow us on crowd cast if you're looking for more ways to spend your quarantine. so thank you again sam and angela it's been such a wonderful event and thank you to our audience for joining us. you're awesome wherever you