225 year old experiment and. may we work together so that it continues to light and lead the world. tomorrow, i'm going, philadelphia, where this great experiment began to open the president's for america's future. we will gather there to renew the spirit of service that built this country. each of us must serve you and your way. me and mine. you can start right now by busting your tables and helping with the dishes. now, when john finishes, i'm going home. thanks and goodnight. the whole nation.

as our tradition. please join a toast to the president. the united states. ladies, gentlemen, the president. thank you all all. thank you very much. thank you. ladies and gentlemen. please excuse me if i'm a little

sleepy at 3 a.m. this morning, the red phone rang. it's a -- wedding planner. two weeks from tonight is jenna's wedding. so i'm a little wistful this evening. plus this is my last white house correspondents as president. you know, i'm not sure what i'm going to do next. after he left vice, president gore won an oscar and the nobel peace prize. hey, i don't know. i might win a prize, a publishing clearinghouse or something something. but thanks for inviting me to entertainment tonight. is craig versus. you know, this is a small world. craig was once in a punk band called -- from hell which is

what -- and i are going to call our band. craig scottish by birth. so was barney. two months ago, craig became an american. you. i'm honored to call you fellow american. ladies and gentlemen. surprisingly, i've enjoyed these dinners. so tonight i thought we'd reminisce a bit. first couple of years i came to this dinner. i was really into slide shows. see my mother. over the years has put together at least 70 scrapbooks about our life as a family. what i've done is pull out some of the actual never before seen

photos from scrapbooks. this, of course, was during the great drought of 1953. dad neil doro, marvin and jeff. in my family with all those kids in the tub. it's not arsenic in the water. i'd be worried. some people have asked me, however, if the vote recount left any hard feelings between my jeb and me. not a bit. in fact, here's a picture of the governor of florida. we have to dogs.

this is our dog, barney. i'll tell him what i eyebrows that he ought to be a senator. now, this is our dog spot. people often ask me how? i came up with that name. i don't know. i'm just of a creative guy. the truth. the door to the oval office has a little peephole. this is karen peeping in on me. this is karl rove peeping in on me. this is condi rice peeping in the spot has her own people. this is card peeping in on me. and ladies and gentlemen, this is the president of the united states looking through a peephole and.

--, i hope you're not doing it. looks like you're doing. next year, a new president will be standing up here. i have to say, kind of surprised. we don't have more presidential candidates here tonight. like. senator mccain's, not here. he probably wanted to distance himself from me a little bit. you know, he's not alone. janice is moving to the two democratic candidates aren't here either. senator clinton couldn't get into building because of sniper fire and senator is at church. but i'm sure whoever the next president is will show up at these dinners, especially like the dinners in 2005 and 2006,

when had a couple of surprises up our sleeve. and so the city slicker asked old guy how to get to the nearest town, an account that old, not a game. ladies and gentlemen, i've been attending these dinners for years and just quiet sitting there. well, i've got a few i want to say for a change change. i married to the president of the united states. and our typical evening, 9:00. mr. excitement here. sound asleep. and i'm watching desperate

housewives. ladies and gentlemen, i am desperate housewives. so i want to talk about some serious issues, such as as here comes. nuclear proliferation. nuclear proliferation. nuclear proliferation, asian nuclear proliferation. all right. right. maintain they call. let's give this a try. we must enhance noncompliant protocol calls, sanction not only at iaea formal sessions, but through interest, sessional

contact. we must enhance noncompliance protocols, sanction that not only at e e r o formal sessions. but through interest conduct. nailed it. we've had a lot of fun over the years. you remember the year i mentioned ozzy osbourne. and he stood on a chair and blew me a kiss. so few get that kind of experience. you know, i love the mixed crowds. heritage crowd. you just think pamela and mitt romney in the same room in that

one of the signs of the apocalypse apocalypse. which brings me to -- for. four, eight years as vice president, -- has ridden shotgun for. that's probably not the best analogy, but is a dear friend and been the greatest straight man in the history of the world. -- don't know what i would have done for material you. urging the vice president to get out and get a little fresh air and exercise. so let me show you what he's been up.

and he lynne laura were out of town recently so i called up -- and said why don't we go to a movie? he said, great. let's go to a cowboy movie. yeah. finally went to see brokeback mountain. let me tell you, we.

fbi. you okay. -- after the movie. we come out a while. he says nice horses. i said, yep. then it became real quiet again. kind of serious. i knew something was on his mind. finally, he turned to me and said, you don't suppose lone ranger and tonto. down the lane i look, -- cheney strolling with documents. he's been withholding. it's going to touch the brown, brown grass of. oh oh, yes, sure. oh, grown. missed me the way you used to

dish me. but now touch the brown, brown grass. oh oh. oh. what i like best about these evenings is the laughter and the chance to thank you for the work you do, for country. i also think this is good chance to put aside our differences for a few hours. and one thing we all share, whether we're native citizens or new citizens like craig, is a tremendous appreciation for our people in uniform and appreciation symbolized by the united states marine band, which is celebrating its 210th anniversary this year.

i love the band and i'm going to say my farewell to you by doing something i've always wanted to do, and i do it in the of our shared for this country.