and now the president of the

united states. thank you very much. thank. thank you very much. thank you, mr. mccall. and mr. powell. good evening, ladies and gentlemen. as you know, i have been traveling to other lands quite a lot lately.

and i just want to say what a pleasure is for hillary and me to here in your country. since i arrived here. i've been awestruck. the beauty of your landscape, the spirit of your people, the color of native garb. now the crowds who greet here are not quite as adoring as in other nations i've visited lately. but they seem occasionally friendly. i've even sampled some of your indigenous cuisine, your hamburgers. quite tasty, sort of a meat sandwich. it appears that democracy is thriving here. there are regular elections contested with vigor. honored by some.

in the legislature, persistent coup attempts so far have to upend the balance of power. you have a lively, independent press, confident its judgment and bold in predictions and persist. and i'm out in. yes, this washington is a very special place and hillary and i will never forget our visit here. now as i have come to do these tours, i want to take just a few moments to reflect on our shared. the past decades indeed centuries are filled with regrettable incidents that

mistakes were made, injustices were committed, and certainly the passive was used too much. ladies and gentlemen, i regret so. i regret long neglect of the planet. it took until 1930. 1930. to welcome pluto into the community of planets and and that was wrong. and i am so sorry about disco. i mean. that whole era of leisure and buying back chairs, lava lamp summit. we all had to endure the cheesiness of the seventies and. that was wrong.

then there's the susan b anthony. it did look too much like a quarter. and that was wrong the expression happy campers. oh, it was cute the first couple of times but it got real old real fast. i recently used it as a cabinet meeting and that was wrong. pan apple on pizza. something are just wrong. and also in this moment of cleansing, i like to take just a moment to reflect on past treatment of the white house press corps. i apologize guys for the quality of the free food you've been served over the years. at the price you deserve better.

it was wrong for many when the space that is now the briefing room in the white house was a swimming pool. reporters had to water for hours on end. and that was wrong, sort of. and i'd really like to apologize all the information you've had to attribute to anonymous sources over years. of course, that apology has to be off the record. and for that, i am truly sorry. but now that we have put the issues of the past behind, us, i really like to thank you for inviting me to tonight's dinner. this is the night i get to poke fun at you. that is my definition of executive privilege. now i'm at a little bit of a

disadvantage this year. i've been so busy. i haven't read a newspaper or magazine or even watched the evening news since pope went to cuba. what have you been writing about since then? i hardly have any time to read the news anymore. mostly i just skim the retractions. i. i've even watching mccrory's briefing. i mean, never answers a single question. i don't know how you put up it. i've told him again and again and again he can answer any he wants. what is he telling you about that?

seriously i have been looking so much forward to seeing all you this weekend. i just want to know one thing. how come. there is no table for salon magazine. i that's supposed to be funny. don't take yourself so seriously. you will see the line. don't worry about it. loosen up. one of the things i like about this dinner is it is big as it is. it's a lot smaller and more intimate than the white house pundits. dinner. i don't have anything against political pundits. mind you, some of my best friends used to be political pundits and some political pundits used to be my best friends. i am. really i'm just here to warm the audience up for ray romano. i feel ambivalent about. he's the star of a show called everybody loves raymond.

everybody loves raymond. i can't stand the guy with 100% approval rating. i do want to congratulate the winners tonight. earl lane and andrew smith. mike frisby. ron fournier. peter mayer. i'd like to say something. mike frisby, now that you've won this award. i think you ought to slow down, work a little less, try to enjoy the finer of life. and iran fournier. you. i honestly believe ron fournier is the only person who came to washington with me from, arkansas, who hasn't been subpoenaed subpoenaed. but tonight, still young. i'm also to see that peter mares getting award tonight for his excellent work. i was worried, you know, since he was nearly mauled by a cheetah on our trip. you probably ought to be giving him the purple heart.

come on. could you write a joke? peter mayer, the leather. it was reported on our trip that sam donaldson scared a herd of elephants with his distinctive voice. that not fair. elephants are very smart. the elephants know sam works for disney. they thought was trying to round them up for a new theme park. this has been an extraordinary few months for the white house press corps. it's no wonder you've been swarming around the white house. there's nothing to cover on capitol hill. now, listen to this all over tv are asking, what can possibly fill the gaping hole on thursday night. once signed goes off the air.

i got it. congress is on c-span now. there's show about nothing. now. not there. is anything wrong with that? there's nothing wrong with it. there are barely 40 days left in the hundred and fifth congress as of tonight. this is a congress with nothing to do and no time to do it in. but there will be one news item coming out of capitol hill next week. i met with senator john glenn recently to decide who should be the next distinguished member of congress hurled into the far reaches of the universe. and we have our man. godspeed, -- armey. i.

on. on tuesday, speaker is holding a press conference to proclaim that tony, the tiger is selling frosted flakes children. last week. he said the movie titanic glorifies smoking. i couldn't believe it. this week he'll accuse it of. glorifying, drowning. you know, this is a it's funny if you think about it. for all of you who do not live in washington, let me ask you to make some allowances for all of us tonight. this is a unique and unsettling moment in washington. i'm not the only one who is anxiously awaiting the release of steve brill's new magazine. have an advance copy here. see, it's called content.

now. why would anyone want to call a magazine about the news media at that. mccurry says it's called content and why would anyone want to call a magazine about the news media that. anyway, you might be interested and what's going to be in the first edition? i have it here. the table of contents. makeover tips by john king george mitchell writes about the prospects lasting peace between barbara walters. diane sawyer six lip smacking summertime recipes for harvest burgers by david brinkley

brinkley. a retrospective cbs news from murrow to molinari. but he got what he deserved by maureen. here's an article called waiting the wings, co-written by al gore and brian williams williams. i think they're both going to make it. and here's lanny davis review of spin cycle. he liked it. now, i got to say one thing. you know, this book spin, it implies this kabuki dance between. the white house and the press is kind of a recent phenomenon.

that's not true. it is a cherished part of our history history. just in preparation for tonight, i had the national archives send over some yellow transcripts to make this point. for example here's some good news from the hoover administration housing. starts were up in the third quarter of 1931. said a senior adviser to the president. these hoovervilles reflect a commitment to private instead of paternalistic big government. the president is proud they bear his name. then in 1814, a white house official disputed the idea that the burning of the white house was a setback for the madison administration. yes, fire did consume the mansion, he said, but it was in desperate of renovation anyway. and this salutary effort by the british actually saves us and taxpayers money.

here's one from the jefferson administration. 18 four. a spokesman for vice president aaron burr asserted, people don't kill people. guns kill people. way back in 1773, a spokesman for samuel adams asserted unequivocally that the boston tea party was not a fundraiser. no one paid to attend. there was no quid pro quo, he said. the party was just a town meeting for colonists to get to know each other and discuss details of the tax law. we've been at this a long. helen ought to. she was there. let me say one serious thing. helen thomas is not just the longest serving white house correspondent. one of the reasons she got that award tonight in her name is that still the hardest working?

the first to show up in the press office every morning about o'clock. five days a week for nearly 40 years. and i dare say tonight is the first time she has ever been completely scooped by calculation. she's had 10,000 mornings, thousands notebooks, thousands of ballpoint pens, thousands of cups of coffee, sometimes to her by white house staffers. never has it compromised her, yet for all of us in the house. she is a rock for everyone here tonight, obviously a symbol of everything american journalism can and should be the of fearless integrity, fierce commitment to accuracy. the insistence on holding accountable all of that in the spirit of first amendment and the free press it protects. helen by tradition, you always get asked the first question at the press conference. this has been a rather long opening statement. but to honor the tradition

tonight, you can ask me anything you want. but remember, in an even older tradition, i don't have to answer. thank you and good. ladies and gentlemen, please join me. raise a glass in a toast to the president of the united states of america. the podium is