Taking the form of a fable, this paper presents a discussion of the English language from the point of view of someone totally unknowing of its requirements. In the paper, an increasingly large cast of personified parts of speech make repeated visits to the "G. and P. (Good and Proper) Grammar Store." Sections of the paper discuss: nouns and verbs (In the Beginning); adjectives and adverbs (The Nouns and Verbs Go Shopping); prepositions (Prepositions!); verbals, cases, and tenses (Some Cousins Move In); grammar (Mr. Usage Lays Down the Law); pronouns (The Versatile Substitutes); and clauses and sentences (Clauses and All That...). (RS)