Is YOUR marriage fireproof? We hope not, because weâd hate for anyone to have a relationship as dysfunctional and antagonistic as Kirk Cameron and Erin Bethea have in this Christian melodrama. This week weâre tackling 2008âs Fireproof, an indie morality tale that shows that you donât have to have good acting, chemistry or a compelling romance to clean up at the box office â as long as you have a religious âmessageâ to preach to the choir. Caleb is a firefighter with anger issues who loves boats and porn (possibly together); Catherine is a hospital worker with a taste for senseless materialism and hick doctors. When their marriage hits a wall, Caleb decides to try to save it by forgoing counseling and communication in favor of some folksy advice from his dad based loosely on the Bible. 43 days and a contrived conversion later, Caleb realizes that the secret for men to make marriage last is abandoning all of your passions and hobbies for an obsessive and myopic focus on your wife, who you must always cater and capitulate to. With all their problems buried and glossed over rather than dealt with, Caleb and Catherine renew their vows and live âhappily after everâ â at least until their inevitable meltdown.
Next week weâve decided to keep rolling with the didactic melodrama with the granddaddy of Lifetimeâs awful TV movies, 1985âs The Rape of Richard Beck. This Emmy Award-winning cheese fest is also known by the titles Deadly Justice, Violated and The Broken Badge. Ramboâs Richard Crenna plays a dime store Dirty Harry who believes rape victims âbring it on themselvesâ â until he has his colon conquered by two of the rapists he was supposed to collar. This gem is available in full on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lo8dW3Uj-QE Though weâve been burned before, we just had to chance it after seeing this godawful trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bROPR9APwzs