hi, i'm william devane. this is my show, "red eye." >> red eye. coming up on red eye, how bad did shawn pen want to get home to watch the dancing with the stars final eext the shocking footage that some way redefines what it means to be a superman. plus what was joe biden's reaction when he was asked what is his favorite kind of hot pocket is? >> and finally what's more adorable eating a grape or a baby sloth eating a grape. none of these stories on red eye
tonight. >> let's welcome our guests. she's spicier than a cab on. i'm with joanne. well, if he were any more reserved he would be michael moore's booth at the cheesecake factory. its andy levy. it's comedian sheraad small. >> that ruins everything. >> he writes more books in a year than joanne has read in her lifetime novelist and screen writer andrew claven. his latest book mind war. comes out july 15th. >> the lead, that's the first story. if you would like to add greg, i would kill you so that you would
never leave. >> that was quite disturbing mr. voice. she went from hero to the opposite of hero. last week a very special cat from bakers field california came to the aid of a boy in distress. the rescue changed the way we all look at cats. no, they gained a soul. i even apologized to andy for all of my cat jokes. here are some. >> andy, did you know that an undesirably sharp appearance of the cat's muscle is measured by its snippiness. andy has opened an s and m parlor for cats. what is persecution like? >> did anyone join kitty twitter. >> an online dating service for cats called paws and clicks. andy has created a towel made entirely of cat hair that cleans
all the tough hes messes how many sham m b meows have you sold. >> this good will is gone. they are back to being large furry dirt bags after what happened at a minor league baseball game in bakers field on tuesday. the cat named tara was invited to throw out the first pitch. >> are you ready? >> only in obama's america. can we see that again in slow motion. sheraad --
>> somebody should have just released pit bulls right then. >> now that is a little too harsh. why do you always have to think about pit bulls reinforcing some kind of strange stereo type. what cat? why would they do that? they basically poisoned the game. >> it's definitely a numbers thing. you don't have to explain this cat as a hero to me. i've always been pro pussycat. >> leave it in. at least you're not playing into any other stereo type. >> why because black men love pussycat. >> we all love it, huh? high 5. that was a great high 5. again, a white woman. >> they always seem to be next to me, greg. >> yeah. anyway because they can't cross
the street. does this video make us look week to our enemies. >> absolutely. that cat throws like a girl for crying out loud. you know, i haven't followed this story as closely as i should because i've been too busy reading how the government is stealing all of our constitutional rights. i personally felt the original video was a fake. first of all the dramatic cinematic cuts and second of all cats suck and would never help anybody. i don't buy it. >> apparently they have a lot of surveillance video. these are surveillance shots. i mean, i don't know. how can you get the dog to attack a kid. >> maybe he is right because all we saw was the injured kid and we all board the story. this is a case of child abuse. >> you can't fake the video, guys. what world do you live in?
>> andy, i guess you could say that the cat no matter how bad he is is still a better pitcher than a kenyan born interloper who claims to be our president. >> do we have the fat oootage f the 2009 all star game. >> they got a true owner on their hands, a patriot who saves children h. you don't have bat man throw out the first pitch. he has better things to do. now the cat supposedly has a twitter account. if you check it out, the tweets are clearly not written by twitter. true heroes aren't looking for fame. i think that's the case here. it's beneath here. unfortunately you can't say the sail thing about the owners. they are looking for fame that they did not earn. >> we all know the cat's twitter account is fake but i'm still going to retweet it. >> this happened in a minor
league game and you used to date minor league players only if they were married. when throwing out the first pitch meant something totally different. anyway, is this wrong of them using that cat the way that is being used? >> no, i feel bad for poor tara because she has the worst publicist getting her this event. she's not modeling for petco. there isn't like a parade of kitties that she can lead. >> yeah. there's no cat fancy cover. >> exactly. >> that should have been it. the cat fancy should be all over it. >> or like a lifetime play for fancy feast. something. >> next week she's dancing with the pussycat dolls in vegas. that's something. >> oh, all right. >> like tara's imbittered ex-husband is going to show up. >> andy, before we move on, i want to ask you a question because you're our cat expert.
what should have been the award for the cat like a giant carpet tree i don't think any rewards are necessary. i think tara did the right thing because it was the right thing to do. >> that's right heroes don't get rewards. their patients get rewards. heroes are usually dead. i hope your mom enjoys this. >> thank you for that. all right should pot heads become pot feds. the fbi might have to okay thc if it hopes to defeat cyber crime. the bureau needs hackers. it has nearly 2000 positions but is struggling to fill them. the rules state they have to sustain from smoking marijuana three years to applying. could that ever change? speaking at a conference on white collar crime fbi director
said quote, i have to hire a great work force to complete with the cyber criminals and some of those kids want to smoke weed on the way to the interview. this is not funny. this is tragic. you're a comedian. you don't have to get up. >> i'm a news man, greg. >> or get dressed. anyway. later, the fbi had clair 5ed that he was waxing philosophic and funny and has no plans to change the policy. sorry crime fighting pot heads. i hope this video will may have beening ymake you feel better. >> you know it's amazing. he's still ten minutes late for work. they are like where have you
been? he's got to go put his jacket up. all right andrew, cyber warfare, everybody says it's the big threat. i have yet to see it. >> no, no. >> it is invisible. well the chinese just hacked into all of these bids and you bet they were stoned out of their hands. >> but is this policy hurting us if we can't hire people who smoke recreationally or regularly or before job interviews. if you let feds smoke pot pretty much they will be wearing black socks but yeah we have to. these are the guys who will be protecting us from taking over our nuclear weapons. >> they act like it's a big problem. first of all you don't have to hire the kids. put them on one project paid them and get out of there. they don't have to have all of
their health care and all of that. they are weed heads. >> joanne, i have a theory that this happened weed out the actual applicants because if they show up smoking weed you know not to hire them so maybe smoking weed before the interview is a great way to say i'd rather know now that they are high. >> why is this so black and white? so the thing is even if you smoke one time in the last three years, you can't do it. >> that's ridiculous nerds. >> the difference between a pot head and somebody who has tried it. most of these brilliant tech people have tried it and they are young and just in college and of course they experimented. i also think some of the smartest people are the ones who do drugs. am i right sheraad. >> i like how she describes them as tech people like they are from planet tech. i don't know what to call them either. i don't say anything. >> let me tell you something
about tech dudes. tech dudes have been smoking weed since there's been reefer. put that in your pipe and smoke it. >> that's brilliant. >> andy, fbi is often accused of missing connections. could it be that if you start hiring people who smoke pot regularly they might be finding too many connections. >> they might get to the bottom of chemical trails. i think if he was only joking, it's a shame because the fact that previous drug disqualifies people from being special agents, it's a complete waste of potential. if you're clean when you apply. that's all it should matter. you can't smoke pot while you're a federal agent, it's still a federal crime. back in the mid 90s, i applied to join the fbi. i was honest about college drug
test. this was after i got out of the army random drug test of clean. they turned me down because of the drug use. i'm not saying certain terrorist acts wouldn't have happened because they denied me but we'll never know. >> you would have been an interesting fbi agent because you would have never left your armt. >> i would have been absolutely right. >> i think i will go undercover as a cat own in a studio apartment in an undisclosed location then you would move from town to town with the cats. >> this actually gives me a strange respect for the federal government. >> okay. they are confined and don't mind. >> what? >> in europe the continent not the swedish rock group something called escape games are growing in popularity. participants must look for keys to break free.
the games are especially popular in pewabout youed apest where t activity is listed as a top attractor. being locked in a basement is just a game. that's what i've been saying all along. lcome to "red eye" if by nothing you mean the weird odor coming out winner of the teen choice award for the best all new performance of marley and me filmed in my basement with nothing but certify an wrap and duck tape. >> welcome to red eye it's like so you think you can dance if by dance you mean escape from my padded basement. the editor from that california paper has apologized. he knows comment criming like i know basement lining. is that a big deal this day and age. we all have illegal immigrants.
i got 16 in my basement. >> there you go. wow. sheraad. i was well ahead of the curve on this one. >> you've always been down with the basement. >> is this just a white people activity. >> first of all i think it's great. this is going to help a lot of brothers in court. i was playing a game. i pistol whipped him because he won. >> the screams were more extra points. >> when i say brothers i mean white and black people. i think it's a fun game. it's like the game survivor. >> am i responsible for this new craze. i'd like to think that i am. >> this actually sounds fun accept for the fact that i've seen the movie host el so i think what i'm saying is i would try this but not in europe. not in hungary or sloef evenia.
they do weird things to people in europe. >> who did the pilot episode and said this sounds -- >> how many waivers had to be signed for that. >> i really would do this. this sounds like a lot of fun. >> the thing is that you have this strange guy saying it sounds fun but the pretty girl looked terrified. >> the only escape games i play is feigning illness on a date to get out. >> that would be great if part of the fun would be having to significant out how to get out with safe wards. safe words are a cop-out. >> either you want to be choked or you don't. there are no safe words here. >> it's like a fun adventure. >> it sounds like of weirdly as
if the hungary ans missed communism. >> remember are the fun days when we locked them in the basement and we can't get out. >> that's interesting because we grew up with freedom. they would want to run through a field but maybe they don't have the amusement parks. >> maybe this is their colonial williamsberg. the work is too hard. >> what am i doing in a field? >> you're supposed to stay in character. terrible. we're joking. terrible time in our history. >> welcome back, greg. >> anyway, well -- it was a neat story because basements happen to be interesting. i know how to sound proof them by the way if anybody is interested. i have a lot of practice. it really does sound fun though. >> the only problem i would have
is that you'd be having a good time and thin suddenly it would become real. like what happened in the horror movies where people think they are playing a game but they are actually getting killed. i think that might happen. >> do you want to add something? >> no. >> are you scared. >> uh-huh. >> all right. i like it when they are scared. >> it makes it more exciting. >> coming up, i continue to be awesome but first, should you be fired for sending an offensive tweet or should you be murdered? that's actually not in the story but i thought it made it sound more interesting. hey look, top photos. nineteen years ago, we thought, "wow, how is there no way to tell the good from the bad?" so we gave people the power of the review. and now angie's list is revolutionizing local service again. you can easily buy and schedule services from top-rated providers. conveniently stay up to date on progress.
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okay. be discreet when you tweet. that's the message from the kansas board of regents. they are them there which has adopted a new social media policy prohibiting professors from posting anything contrary to the best of the university. the blood is on the hands of the nra next time let it be your sons and daughters. this angered people that somebody put in a fake name because that would bothered me. he supports the policy of freedom of speech but you can't go this far. the individual for the foundation for individual rights and education or fire, how lucky they came up with that were if you punish a student or professor for clearly protected speech you send a message on campus that you better watch what you say. for more let's go live to red
eye's education correspondent. >> if i had a nickel for every time i did that. >> andrew, do you think this policy goes too far? it seems the argument is that i'm for freedom of speech accept when it upsets me. >> every time i here somebody say you have freedom of speech i start to get tight in the neck. we have to come to terms with the fact that you can't outlaw being a -- in a free country people are going to be -- to say what he said it makes him a smuk. i would be perfectly in fame of him wearing a sign that he's i am a smuk but you should be allowed to say whatever he wants to say. >> sheraad. he's basically saying you can't
exist. >> here is how you say what you want to say in america. don't have a good job. you want to say what you want? sure. don't have a good job because you might lose it. >> that is so -- >> you never see a press conference with the manager of applebees is like we had to get pedro go for a homophobic tweet. >> thank you keith robinson for the joke. >> i was wondering why that was funny. >> were you mad that it was the funniest thing you said all night. >> but it wasn't, greg. you know what, greg -- one of these days -- >> again the stereo type. the angry back man. >> if you want to say stuff you can't have a good job. >> what you're saying in reverse is if you have a good job you got to get off twitter. >> or own the company. >> exactly. >> donald sterling it. >> i honestly think that's the inevitability, joe, that sooner
or later you will have too much wine, you will post a selfie with a horrible racism comment on it and you will wake up in the morning and not remember it and be fired. >> when you start working for these organizations and you sign these contracts you're kind of representing them to a certain extent. granted this isn't a private institution. it's a public school. i'm not sure how that works out in terms of rules that they can enforce but you're a professor of journalism so you have a way with words and you want to spew them everywhere but you have to be mindful because you work for that university. >> i really liked your thoughtful racial expressions while explaining it. >> meanwhile i'm just thinking about wine. >> i don't know the difference between public and private and inside you're going she knows. >> andy, is this the part of the show where you take out your
pocket constitution and wave it at me and talk about your gopher named freedom. >> come on. look, i'm with you. when someone says i'm all for freedom of speech but it's right up there with saying i'm not racist but -- you know what comes up after is not going to be -- >> the n word has got to go. >> the thing is it won't come back to bite conservatives. maybe not in kansas but wait until another state passes similar policies and a professor at a university tweets something that offends the social justice warriors. everybody has to realize that every time they use a weapon like this it's going to be used against them too. >> what if you say i am for freedom of speech but -- and it's a type of butt. >> that's different. >> maybe it's like a dvd series called freedom of speech and it's a collection of butts.
i'm all for freedom of speech but -- >> people at home are going i get it. yes, they talk. well it's something i came up with on the fly. at least it wasn't keith robinson's joke. >> you came at me but i saved it. >> all right. okay. coming up we debate who the greatest singer is of all time. my vote is for that dude from pablo cruz. i can't remember his name but he helped me find my place in the sun. but first a word from our sponsor. tonight is sponsored by murve norps. gets it before it's too late. thanks murve morps. ♪ ♪
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i'm saving a ton of time by posting them to my wall. oh, i like that one. it's so quick! it's just like my car insurance. i saved 15% in just 15 minutes. i saved more than that in half the time. i unfriend you. that's not how it works. that's not how any of this works. [ male announcer ] 15 minutes for auote isn't how it works anymore. with esurance, 7 1/2 minutes could save you on car insurance. welcome to the modern world. esurance. backed by allstate. click or call. all right. they took a chance on a dance. police in iran have arrested six people for posting a video online of themselves dancing to ferrell william's song happy. >> good. >> loss in the islamic country ban women for dancing in public or appearing outside and the
video was seen as promoting the spread of western culture and bad dancing. the man seen here said their fun hurt public chastity. they showed the six with their backs turned. we thought what a better way to say thank you than to return it on their behalf. >> ♪ because i'm happy. clap along if you know what happiness is to you. ♪ because i'm happy. ♪ . bring me down. can't nothing bring me down ♪ >> the 20 something have now been apparently released but the director is still being detained. all right sheraad. >> you know you got to come to me. >> i hate this song but i want
them to play it. >> first of all i'm on the side of the police chief. i will tell you why, you should have did this a year ago. you mine as well start break dancing and get arrested for that, too. you're lame. you're behind of times. >> i have to disagree with them. >> i'm a little worried that people are going to think that islam isn't a fun religion. i think everybody would say that who doesn't want to be murdered ga gangstered. >> joanne you're our foreign policy expert. >> well this police chief said that this was a vulgar clip which hurt public chastity. i don't think he's a fan of miley cyrus bau parentally for the director of this film said
or had the actors which is what they are calling themselves believe that they were being filmed as practice or to learn and that this wouldn't go anywhere. kids if there is a camera on you have to be prepared that it is going to go public so this is a lesson learned for young people. >> he's not a director. he's the leader of this terrorist organization. westernized terror. >> it's pop culture, abd andy. isn't the way to their hearts to corrupt their great country with our culture so they really have no choice. >> there's nothing better than cutting a guy smiling. but yes, i don't blame the iranian authorities about worrying about the influence of western culture. that's how they are going to fall. >> where is ferrell on this.
>> he tweeted. >> where's the remix for the nonhappy song. >> that's a great idea. that would bring more than just a hash tag. >> this is kind of like the eastern version of foot loose. >> accept they would cut off your feet. >> there you go. we workshoped it. >> here is what i wish for kevin bacon. none of this helps explain the real issue which is ferrell's big hot. >> the hart is a tribute to somebody who wore that hat years ago and i can't remember who. >> that hat can feed a thousand kids in a village somewhere. >> all right channing tatum two of the greatest words in the english language, says he drinks too much beer. i'd like to drink too much of him but anyway the breath takingly gorgeous star of magic
mike tells gq i'm probably a pretty high functioning alcoholic, i guess. it's probably a way to escape. i attribute it to creativity and a good time. what a great message to send to our nation's children. andrew, you e-mailed us before the show asking us to do this story. are you very concerned about channing. >> i stumbled over the words high functioning. did i miss that part of his career. >> it's the new phrase. it's like -- nobody wants to say they are a drunk so now they say i'm a high functioning alcoholic almost like you're complementing yourself. i'm not just walking to work i'm walking to work while lifting 500 pounds of weights. i'm a high functioning walker. it's like saying i'm so smart that i can do anything drunk.
right andy? >> no. >> he's saying look you can get drunk and be high millionaire actor. >> it is but associate their drinking with creativity. it's a cop-out. it's an excuse to drink. >> don't i know it. >> that's why you've written so many books. >> most of the performers that i know they don't really drink for the stage they drink for the time between the stage. >> especially if you work periodically. if you do a movie or if you're doing a book. and when you're notok you find yourself waulking aroud going what do you do? >> joanne, you don't have the projects to interrupt your drinking, my project is drinking. >> we also know where his weight has gone from. he has this quote of cake. confetti cake. you get the confetti icing which
is really hard to find sometimes. it is a beautiful mix. it is an angel sent from heaven. he is no longer sexy to me after that. >> you know what's funny he's so drunk he thinks it's confetti cake but it's actually just confetti. it was a rat that crawled into a confetti cage and he stuffed it in his beautiful mouth. >> they always say cake is the gate way drug. >> i'm glad he has some problems like the rest of us with his six pack and kissable face. >> you know what it is, i think there's something that is tearing at his very soul. i think it might be be but a lot of times people drink a lot when they got something inside that needs to come out. who knows. >> or someone they are trying to forget, greg. >> that is true. >> also at his age all alcoholics are high functioning. when you get to be 55 that you got your head in the garbage can
fluttering around. >> if you speak to a specific drink you could be high functioning till you die. >> what's high functioning not really seeing your kids. i see them on your birthdays. i function. i'm high on when i do. all right we got to take a break. we got more stuff on the way. my favorite part of the show is where i talk about my book, not cool, when you can order on amazon.com and get an autographed copy. better we get to see joanne showing off something that is not available. it is my jacket however you can stair up at noraa's head. i think they are re-upping -- reordering jackets and hats. >> are you copping some weight? [ male announcer ] legalzoom has helped start over 1 million businesses.
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who would be your choice for greatest voice. you can't say me. it's the subject of tonight's red eye debate 2014, live from the red eye debate center. >> welcome to tonight's red eye debate live from the red eye debate center in arizona. police look under your seats right now if you find a pink envelope you win a sample of my chest hair.
axel rose has been called the greatest of vocalist of all time by a travel web site. good enough for me. concert hotels.com compared 50 vocalists in terms of highest and lowest notes each artists hit basicically the guns and roses singer came up on top. also others on the list include maria carry and asia. i don't like this. it angers me. who is your choice? remember, it has to be white. >> somebody white. >> yes. >> elvis. because he's black on the inside. >> he is now. >> well, yeah. that is true. that's how god works, greg. some group of white people put this list together and said let's dash a little black people in there to get a little more
publici publicity. why not give it to axl rose? >> people were surprised by axl being so high or just high on the list. who is your choice? >> i'm so embarrassed. i have the musical taste of 150 year old men. it is kind of like the magical fruit for me. i listen to taylor swift and i say what a nice young woman. i'd like to do something with taylor but i can't remember what it is, you know? so i grew up listening to middle of the road like frank sinatra type stuff. i still think he's the greatest singer who ever lived. >> old blue eyes. old blue everything. keep going. >> all right. joanne, you have to say curt cobane so we can make another
reference. you're saying one of the jonas brothers should have gotten higher on the list. >> he deserves a lot of love. so here's the thing. we were just talking about range here. >> yes. >> for example frank sinatra doesn't have a huge range. i don't think range necessarily means great singer. for example lord, the singer who sings about drugs, she is above whitney houston, who did actual drugs. it doesn't seem right. >> give lord a chance. >> she will get her share. oh, the dead joke, whitney houston -- all brown? >> terrible. >> don't have to guard that body anymore. bodyguard. >> stop it. >> andy, it's getting down to a very bad place. >> it really is. stats don't lie. >> stats don't lie but the inclusions being drawn too.
he may have the greatest vocal range in the world that doesn't make him the greatest singer. look at some of the singers in the middle or bottom of the chart. you have ray charles otes redding, johnny cash. those are great singers. it doesn't matter that they can't hit the highest notes on the sea. >> i don't follow. >> it's sexual in nature. >> i have a number of -- the greate greatest vocalist of all time is mike patton from faith no more p. he hits every note. the worst is the gas bag from maroon 5 who's name i can't remember. >> no, he's great. >> he's not. you're off the show. you know who is great. i have a list here. david cassidy.
great choice. neil diamond great voice. john grant. great singer but my favorite perhaps is louie lamoore because i absolutely love the cover. that's 1980 something. who is this guy, andy. >> nobody knows. can you put him back up there. >> some guy who wandered into a recording story in l.a. cut the album. disappeared his check bounced. nobody has seen him since. apparently the album is fantastic. >> do you think it's mike baker. >> ugly mike baker. >> mike baker is a chiselled man. >> also mike baker doesn't really look like mike bake esh. >> any other thoughts about this. >> they should also do words and
spring stein would be there. >> because all he does is talks. i like a lot of his songs but he doesn't sing. >> he goes, the streets are covered with glass of my face -- >> do you see how easy it is. >> you blew my mind. thank you. for my string stein impersonation. >> i have a million of people people. all right. i was kind of sad bjorke wasn't on the list. >> she was. >> i was sad she was on. we're going to talk about jet packs. stick around. in the nation, it's not always pretty.
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>> this is, you get the better greg. my greg is not real greg. it's fake greg. it's like that greg, 2. the look alike of peter brady of "the brady bunch" doing the five. last weekend a festival featured a jet pack administration. >> all right. >> that is lou dobbs by the way. that d pack is maximum flight time of 26 seconds and costs
$150,000 we only have two minutes. joanne, paraglide? >> yes >> right. >> so it will be obesity just growing m this country. max weight is only 180 pounds people are going to have jet packs and can't do anything with it. >> people will have to be inspired and say i can't be the only one not flying around. what have the in other words been up to? but talking about we do. >> are you going to buy one? >> i'm going to get one. >> thank you. >> i know what you said. >> i want telepore tags. >> i do. >> mainly, let me finish. >> quickly. inside of the apartment? >> from couch to the kitchen?
them, then put them up. that is the problem. >> absolutely. >> what? what? >> because you break your stuff down. >> what if you come back? >> that is the point. every incarnation is a different person. it's the coffee that doesn't tell you the copy lies. to your friends the copy says, oh, greg. i'm great but it is lying because real greg is dead from telefor tags masks. that is why it's a fraud >> really? >> there is no real andy. your b. i'm your team mate. i specialize in what i do, and i care about my clients call us for a mortgage experience that's engineered to amaze.
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tonight on huckabee... >> they chose to be greater people. >> war hero on helping fellow veterans transition into this civilian work force. >> part of the training and skills. >> and... scandal at the va. >> these allegations prove to be true, it's dishonorable. it's disgraceful. and i will not tolerate it. >> a former veteran's affairs hospital doctor says reports of mistreatment are not isolated cases. >> some cascases, i did see