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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  June 6, 2015 7:00pm-8:01pm PDT

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>> our sit-down with the duggar sisters airs friday night at 9:00 eastern. we want to hear your thoughts. follow me on twitter @meagan kelly. hi, i'm greg gutfeld. one of the great things about being a host, you get to join the host club. it's totally exclusive. nobody knows about it. i conditions know where it was until now. here it is. let's check it out. hello? hello? >> all right, all right. all right. i like this. i like this. >> i can do it. >> this is where all you guys hang out? i have a new show. i'm actually a new host. i have my own show.
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>> you should get the [ bleep ] out of here. the door's right there. >> exit sign. >> see you later, shorty. >> is he still talking? is he still standing there? they're really going to give this dude a show? and we are less than since months away. >> two months away. 27 days from now. >> exactly one week to go. >> 24 hours from now. >> all comes down to tomorrow. >> and none of his peers so far has seen fit to be a little bit ashamed? >> when he talks about himself -- >> absolutely despicable. i firmly believe that. >> he is one of the most insufferable people. >> i think he's a jerk, but i have no reason to believe he is a racist. ♪ hi, i'm greg gut feld.
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welcome to my new desk. today's topic, evil. evil is bad. but how bad? to the pie chart. evil contains four ingredients, depravity, cruel any, self-p from and coconut water. add coconut water, canada becomes france. so, who is evil? in a poll of liberals, 100% said conservatives. among conservatives, 100% said liberaling. in a poll of libertarians, 100% asked for weed. the science is settled, everyone is now evil. look at hillary clinton. >> 53% say she's not honest and trustworthy, as new details spill out about the clinton foundation. politico reporting sidney blumenthal raked in $10,000 a month from the foundation.
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despite a white house ban on him working for the administration. >> hillary rodham clinton, how evil is she? please. hillary? seven letters, rodham, seven letters, clinton, six letters, 767. remember that. crime-related to records which could be used to charge hillary rodham clinton, 767. minus 101, 6, 6, 6, the mark of the beast, satan, 666. three six, 36. hillary was 36 in 1983, the same year that kiss first appeared in public without makeup. kiss. k-i-s-s. what's that stand for? knights in satan's service. a coincidence? good question. i would ask hillary, but today is may 31st, the fifth month,
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5/31. together that's 36. three, plus six? >> nine, nine, nine, nine, nine of. >> now look at me. greg gutfeld. gregory john gutfeld. 18. russ wheeler was never 18 in the film days of thunder. he almost killed cole trickle. ♪ that, friend, is evil. see, we can find evil in anything and everything, which means we must prioritize real evil instead. first evil, isis. this week they killed 400 women and children in syria, just for kicks. earlier, they incinerated a woman pour not agreeing to her own rape. on an evil rating, one being
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zero, like a singing cricket to 100, a mass beheading, let's agree that isis hits the jackpot. clearly that's worse than not baking a cake for gays. torturing a girl is a true war on wum unless you sigh it at next renewable fuel. speaking of, number two, climate change. the topic of many college commencements, even for our president. >> i'm here today to say that client change constitutes a serious threat to global security. an immediate risk to our national security. and make no mistake, it will impact how our military defends our country. so we need to act. and we need to act now. >> so what's missing? context. is this the hottest in history even with the 17-year pause? or have we been down this road before? before there were suvs? look, we can all agree that climate changes? but what should be done?
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on the evil scale, global warning is 15, on pasch with men, sandals and pelicans. unclean drinking water, poor sanitation, impure heating fuel, poverty, lack of basic health care, lack of education, and of course, this. ♪ ♪ ♪ move like jagger ♪ move like jagger ♪ move like jagger, baby >> what is wrong with america? these are real-world problems which could be solved with the billioning devoted to chasing a sliver of selfies. now number three, racism. it's why i don't watch hockey, it's too white, adiscriminate
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against blacks and you're done. discriminate against asians? ho-hum. we rarely see a mass asian protest. well, except here. amazing. in short, racism is evil. but some is more evil than others. perhaps because black got it worse. slavery, jim crow, dismissing these past sins is wrong and evil, but so is using it to sew division. this conflict is as old as thomas jefferson. he wrote the declaration of independence and owned slaves.
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he's so two-faced his head should be on both sides of the nickel. what made this country the best ever is still present, even with our past blunders. sadly the programs used to remedy such sins haven't helped much. the progressive slaugss are disastrous. maybe it's time for the left to let the right help. at this point, can it get any worse? remember when you loved the steelers and i loved the raiders and we both hated comies? ideology is a team sport. it's no longer who's wrong but who's evil. maybe it's time for some forgiveness. let's stop attacking and instead, let's go after judgment. i could be right, but i can be wrong too. but evil, that's just silly. period! well, i'm excited. it's time to go to our liberal
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panel for a partisan debate on the problems of division. so liberal panelists, good to he zoo you. >> congratulations on your new show. >> thank you. appreciate it. this new divisive atmosphere seems to be getting worse. but i think liberals are stoking it. >> isn't that divisive to say the liberals are sostoking it? >> i'm asking the left to stop. i'm extending the hand. >> just one side is stoking it? you know what's worse than kiss without makeup? no planet. >> oh, really? that's how you see this, suddenly because of a suddenly increase in celsius, the planet's going to implode. >> if's more than a slight degree, and it happens over time. racism, yes, all those problems are evil.
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no planet, bigger evil. >> so you're saying the planet, based on computer models is far more harmful, the destruction of the planet, than isis killing hundreds of people, killing and raping, but the projected models which have been wrong every time, that's more dangerous. >> long time evil. >> i've been reading all the studies on climate change. we're going on 17 years of a pause. do you understand that? >> a pause? this is the longest, hottest decade in history. >> not in history. you're saying recorded. >> it is. >> but it was hotter before we even had cars. >> there's no proof of that. it's climate scientists making these assertions. not scientists who have nothing o do with the climate. >> and i'm sure you're going to bring up the 97% myth.
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i'm tired of your wooden portrayal of leftism. how much about this, hillary clinton, she's creating more division by demanding that all women vote for women. >> i don't recall her saying ha. but man' paem on the left like bernie sanders. >> why? he's a socialist who relies on capitalism. he's selling tee shirts on his website so he can run his campaign. >> so suddenly you're against capitalism? >> i'm against you and beeny sanders. you both have termites. >> he's not a wall. i am. >> now for the mandatory media, i'm required to tell you to follow the show on twitter and to like the greg gutfeld show on facebook. let's go to a secret location
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that's probably 0 fe10 feet awa. she's watching the show to see how we do. hi, cat, how's if if going so far? >> very weird. did you say a singing cricket is zero on the evil scale in. >> yes. >> like jimmeny cricket? >> yes. >> you could have picked anything. >> yes, but jimmeny cricket was something in my childhood that made me happy. >> that doesn't make sense. >> i see you still have the fake, cartoon glasses i see. >> my glasses are real. look, they're right here. >> take them off, please. >> are you sure? >> nah, leave them on. >> i don't think people will like me without them. >> clearly, they, that's why. it's a self-esteem issue. >> as you know, the republican president candidate field has
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grown dramatically in the past week. we now have 19 candidates vying for the nomination. so let's take a lack at some of the hopefuls have on deck over the next few days. here's our first installment of the tough questions facing the candidates on the 2016 trail. >> coming up this week on the campaign rail 2006. mike huckabee rallies support in the heartland, but is he planning on supporting his campaign by selling his g.i. joe? meanwhile, hillary clinton meets potential voters in iowa, but is she considering changing her title? >> i might. ill va 'll have to ponder it. i'll put it on my list for due consideration. >> marco rubio will take a break from the trail to see a screening of star wars.
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but will he have to wait until december like the rest of us? >> some would suggest i should step aside and wait my turn, but i will not. >> and finally, rand paul fires up his base. but when will he admit unicorns are awesome in. >> not now. not ever. >> till next week on the campaign trail 2016. >> a little breaking news. while that package was running, 25 more candidates have joined the republican race, including actor billy zane. michael anthony, formerly of van halen, and now it's time to take a break. if you leave now there's nothing i can do about it. so please come back. ♪
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>> what about if i have a guest on that's boring? and he's supposed to be on for like six or seven minutes. do i abort it? or do i keep going? or is there a way to save it? >> well, you're a song and dance man. you know what to do. i tell you exactly what you do.
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you cut to huckabee on the base. >> well, my next guest has had the distinction of being a political pundit on all 608 cable news channels. he's on fox & friends weekend. his latest book is politicians, partisans and parasites two. it's the long awaited sequel to his best selling auto biographery. let's dig in. what inspired to you write a sequel in the first place? >> when you write an auto biography at 32 -- >> i can't believe it's so boring, tucker this, tucker that. blah, blah, blah. i'm just starting. i have a piece of candy in my pocket. would anybody notice if i eat
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it. if's a cherry gumdrop. gumdrops. they remind me of candy land. if i ever play it again, i want to play with rob o'neill. he killed bin laden. that guy seems pretty cool, not like tucker, god, he's still talking. should i let him keep going? whatever. i'll day dream. ♪ >> it's your move. >> hmm, another blue. >> what do you get there? >> you get the ice-cream cone. >> that is so wrong. >> had this is going to take forever. double red! >> that's a winner. >> i beat the guy who killed bin laden. >> well played, sir.
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>> thank you, sir. and thank you for your service. i'm interested. what is your life like after this happened? how has your life changed? >> it's different because i get recognized a lot more places, and i was concerned about that how would it be, and it's been overwhelmingly positive. the best stories i haven't told yet. a woman was standing in line with me, and she elbowed her daughter, and her daughter said we have a test about you on monday. i said what do you mean? current events test. and i said do you have a pen and paper? and i wrote please give victoria an a. and i signed it. i said what do we do now? and i said we take a selfie. and what do i tell my teacher? and i said you tell your teacher that you took the assignment so seriously that you found me. >> they didn't believe her.
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and now she's actually -- >> and the selfie was with brad pitt. >> now that you bring that up, if they're making a movie, which at some poupts i think they're going to be making another movie, who would you like to play you? i have some options. >> i have one, too. and i bet he's on your list. >> jake busey. >> jake busey? but you don't look as mentally ill as jake becausy. >> exactly. my dad's not as crazy. >> you don't have that wild-eyed insanity look. i was thinking like a young ron howard. you look a little bit like ron howard. maybe clint howard. that's his other brother. >> what about cuba gooding junior? >> that would be nice. why shouldn't it be cuba gooding junior. if you were president of the united states, what would you do with isis? >> well, with isis, we playing candy land. and that was the castle where they were controlling it. i would make sure all these players were marines, send them
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on a ship, let them handle isis in the day and a half it would take and work on the foreign policy with the unicorns and bobble heads that make it a happier place, and we realize even though it is candy land in 2015, we believe in those things. >> this operation that you took part in was called neptune spear. who came up with that. >> i don't know. you but i came up with you know unicorn girdle. operation gut feld. >> you could use that whenever you want. i think that would work. so, rob, i kind of have an idea of how the bin laden raid went down. but there are probably people who don't. and i was thinking, we don't have much of a budget. so if you could show us exactly
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what went down that night using the candy land game board, i have some unicorns, those are the helicopters. over here, the game pieces, those are the brave, heroic s.e.a.l.s who did the job. and this is bin laden right back here. so what happened. >> we start with the spin first. and he would come like that. >> so the helicopter went down. >> then they would go up the stairs like this. split-off there. and then he would tackle them. and the little cherry thing here ends up right there. >> and that's you. and by the way, this is bin laden. we couldn't find a bin laden doll, so we used walter white. this has been incredibly instructional and entertaining, but i would assume that this constitutes some kind of evidence that we should get rid of. >> absolutely. >> should we burn this?
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it's very hard to stop like oh -- >> wow. that was really insightful, best of luck with the book. i smell a trilogy. stick around. we'll be right back. hey pal? you ready? can you pick me up at 6:30? ah... (boy) i'm here! i'm here! (cop) too late. i was gone for five minutes! ugh!
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some huge names here in this republican batch, including ken wall, i loved him in "wise guy". alf, gordon shumway. helen harris. from bayonne, new jersey. and finally, bacon who is leading in three states. on thursday, louisiana governor bobby jindal says he plans to sign a law to soften penalties for pot use. with pot legalization, you're either for or against it. right now i'm for it, because i believe humans must be free to seek their own relief, be it a march tootini or a joint, and government shouldn't decide it for you. however, with pot i realize i may be wrong, way wrong, especially about its effect on
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society. because i have no idea what the outcome will be for this country. it's not like i have to worry, i don't have kids. and it can't stunt my growth. what's left to stunt? but i'm thinking it could affect the country like it did after prohibition. when i was a teen, alcohol had a counterweight in family and religion. we all know that most men who suddenly showed up to mass got told by their wives, clean up or move out. church was the suburban aa. it's a bong-hit bubble. a hazy world of individuvideo g. "game of thrones." while i think of war on relief in a painful world only creates more pain. i can't be certain, but i do know if you watch the world go
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by from a sofa, it will be over before you know it. all right, joining me now is someone who is as conflicted as i am. me. you look great as always. >> thank you, i've been working out more. i have shek's personal trainer. >> whatever you're doing, keep doing it, it's paying off big time. >> i will. i have some charity work with wayward teens i need to get to. >> i'm for legalization, but i think it could be bad in the long run, really bad. >> i understand the conflict. and i admire your honesty. it's why you have your own show, while many of your peers languish in obscurity. legalization could not cause more harm than the war on drugs already has. we have way too many people whose lives have been ruined because they were seerking
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relief from a cold and brutal world. they just chose a different method than a martini or hot yoga. >> you're a bright man, mr. gutfeld. >> well, it takes one to know one. >> maybe after the show we can get together. >> you know what, i'd like that. >> i'd like that, too. greg. i'd like it a lot. >> well, before we go, that was awesome. a quick update on a story that we've been following. earlier this month, a family of black bears startled a group of tourists on a bridge in yellowstone national park. september them running for their lives. the bears ate every last one of them. the tourists are actually fine. but i couldn't help but wonder, what about the bears. so i sent a reporter to find out. here's our first installment of where are they now. >> reporter: some tourists chased by bears, after a mother bear became agitated when the people got too close to her cubs. >> that was in 2015.
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deborah barrington and her cubs became instant celebrities after their tourist-chasing video went viral. the young ones went on to form the first all boy bear band, hibernation nation. the success came at a price. following a fight in a nightclub with russell brand, deborah, who is their manager, was fired. she ryed to embark on a solo career, but was told at four and a half she was too old for hollywood. but a chance encounter with alec baldwin may have led to bigger and better things. the pair is pairing up later in hairy situation. >> i like that it's a little edgier. >> reporter: but as for the film's rumored surprise ending,
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he wasn't giving any clues. this has been a "where are they now." >> well, congratulations, alec baldwin on his new project. good things for good people. it's time to take a break. if you leave now, i'll stab tucker in the neck with an infected umbrella tip. p. working on my feet all day gave me pain here. in my knees. but now, i step on this machine and get my number which matches my dr. scholl's custom fit orthotic inserts. now i get immediate relief from my foot pain. my knee pain. find a machine at we are the thinkers. the job jugglers. the up all-nighters. and the ones who turn ideas into action. we've made our passions our life's work. we strive for the moments where we can say, "i did it!" ♪ we are entrepreneurs who started it all... with a signature. legalzoom has helped start over 1 million businesses, turning dreamers into business owners.
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realistic? >> dick morris? >> it's a well-known fact when people are interviewed on tv, they say dumb things. some people are so dumb it makes me laugh. that's why we see so many man on the street interviews to help us feel smarter ourselves. soy sent our resident joe and nosuchinsky. anything you'd like to say before we play the package? >> no. take it away, me! >> reporter: there's nothing more american than women's history and money. we're going to find out just how much history people in times square know. probably not a lot. let's find out. people say we need more women on u.s. currency, but there have already been three women on coins. do you know who they are? >> yes.
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that's susan b. anthony. helen keller and sack gentleman we yeah? that's right. very, very good. >> reporter: and who was susan b. anthony? >> she was president of the national americansuffrage. >> very lucky guess. very lucky guess. good job, ladies. >> reporter: so i personally would love to see a female on the $20 bill. and i love for it to be one of our current supreme court justices. can you name them? >> ginsburg. ruth bader ginsburg. >> what about the other two? so sotomayor and elena kagan. >> reporter: what is justice
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sotomayor's first name? >> maria? >> reporter: hair yet tubman has been chosen to replace andrew jackson on the $20 bill, great choice, but another nominee was wilma mankiller? do you know who that is? >> the first female chief of the cherokee nation. >> reporter: heart. who is the richest woman in the world? >> the walmart heir. >> reporter: how much is she worth? >> around $41.7 billion. >> reporter: how do you know this? who was the first u.s. female treasurer? >> georgia clark. >> reporter: i am thinking of a number between one and ten. what is it? >> three? >> reporter: and a color? >> orange. >> reporter: oh, gosh! so, joanne? >> yeah. >> what happened? not only was it not funny, it made us look bad.
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we were supposed to expose america's ignorance. >> i would apologize to the network and you and the millennials. i let my generation down with that one. i did everything you said. i went on wikipedia. i found the most obscure questions i could find. >> i didn't even know the answers. and i went up to people holding selfie sticks. if it's like a magnet to the dumb. if you keep me on -- i hope you do -- i will do better. >> i think we need to send you to someplace dumber. we don't have the budget. >> oh, i'll pay out of pocket. >> maybe coachella or dc. >> dc would be better for me,
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personally, you know, because i like the cherry blossoms. >> that's good. that's good. that's where they are. >> don't take it so hard. >> greg, i just want to say, you're so talented and forgiving, and i really like that about you. >> all right. well, that's good to know. i'll put that in consideration somewhere. joanne, while you're wasting america's time with this segment, i've told more people have decided to run for president. the gop field is now up to, believe it or not, 100 candidates. the latest include coco crisp. i think he could win on his name alone. an alpaca, which is an underrated animal, a ma'mmal. a pack of killer bees, and an old commodore computer. i could see that being a very trendy pick. and last but not least, the seattle space needle. what do you think?
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>> it's sharp. >> it is sharp. it's a very sharp needle. i wouldn't want to fall on that. i tend to fall on sharp things, if you ask any local emergency room. we have to take a break. our op ed, kathryn kemp tells us what we got wrong. you have 3:43 to go make me a sandwich. [phone rings] [man] hello,totten designs. sales department? yes...i can put you right through.
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welcome back to my show. let's find out how the guests did and how i did tonight. let's go to tonight's op ed, kathryn kemp who needs a vowel. she's been watching the show all night, i hope. and she will tell us how many things i got right and how many things others got wrong. >> i've been going through all your math and all the hillary is evil stuff. and it turns out that it's not math. >> what is it? it was numbers. >> also you said that kiss went out into public without makeup for the first time in 1936. not true. they weren't alive. >> i said it was 1986. >> also, when is going to be the first time that you go out into public without makeup on in. >> you're changing the subject.
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you were wrong. i said 1986. >> no, you didn't. >> i'm buzzing you. >> no, you're not. >> move on, you made a mistake. >> no, i doesn't make mistakes. joanne, if you wanted peoplef people to not know the answers, you should have asked harder questions. >> i thought they were hard. >> the only easier questions were if you asked about women's basketball trivia. that would be the only easier thing i can think of. you picked like the second easiest thing. tucker, you said you laugh, you cry, you experience the full emotional range. >> yeah. for the first time. >> that is not the full emotional range. you cried so hard you laughed, the being not mad, the being disappointed, just mad. those are just the ones i've had today. >> and the guilt and shame. all of them were in there. >> yes, greg, you got a lot wrong on the pothead stuff.
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>> well, explain to me what i got wrong. i'd love to hear it. >> well, are you not really considering all the ways that potheads are contributing to the economy. >> well, why don't you give me some examples. snacks, bob marley tattoos. urban outfitters would go out of business completely. the fast food i havndustry. >> there's a lot of non-potheads that use the fast food industry also. >> i don't know about that. you say it's debt riptal and makes people sit on the couch. looks like liberal internet's not too happy with that. i've seen some headlines, fox news hosts, drugs are the reason all poor people are poor. that's a little rough. go out into public without makeup. >> i do, all the time.
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>> so how did this first show go compared to the first star wars or the old testament? >> i've never seen star wars or read the old testament. >> you're the best. >> b minus. >> b minus? okay.
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kind of a signature signoff when the show ends. johnny carson used to do that weird golf swing at the end of his monologue. do i need a signoff? >> yeah. maybe something -- how about this. >> i like this. that's a really good one. all right. did you like the show? good. you're weird. but weird is good. weird is normal. because these days, the script has been flipped. what was once normal is now odd. what used to be edgy is now mundane. it's why we had to cut out our health segment. >> this suction creates a vacuum in each cup, which are placed on acupuncture points on the body and left still or moved around the skin in a massage like
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motion. >> that doesn't hurt at all. >> i know, it may look strange, but i can tell you, cupping feels like a deep tissue massage. >> i can promise you from here on end, this show will not be edgy. that was a term created to pawn stupid stuff when it's just plain bad, like pro-biotic yogurt. taking jabs at things people fought and died for, that's not risk. these days, risk is doing something if media derides, sheaing you love this country, cops are awesome, our military rules, all of that creates a smerk, stretching from the upper west side to the backyards of brettwood, a snickering dismissal of an intellectual class trained by the comedy central applause signs. real risk is looking at new things in an old fashioned away, unafraid that everyone else hates you. if you're watching me now, they
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already do. watching fox news on a sunday night is the equivalent of shooting kittens from a humvee, like smothering baby lambs with stacks of $1,000 bills. it's offensive to people who think biology is a social construct and wealth is a measure of greed. if you're watch thing show, then congratulations, you're not like them. you're one of us. and we're glad you're here. here's what's on the show next week. ♪ ♪
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>> now, tell people to watch this show. if you don't, i will hunt you down and kill you, with kisses. >> see you later. take care. >> so how was the show? >> don't ask. >> same place? >> are they expecting us? >> everything is set up exactly the way you asked. >> do we have the wax? >> hot and melted. >> the way i like it.
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let's get the hell out of here, lou. >> here we go. ♪ live from america's news headquarters, i'm jackie ibanez. american pharaoh running his way into the history books, winning the 147th belmont stakes to complete the triple crown. leaving no doubts in the minds of the 90,000 racegoers on hand that he was the best in the race. he ran wire to wire, winning by 5 1/2 lengths. this was the first triple crown win since affirmed in 1978. president obama heading to germany for the g-7 summit. the focus of this year's meeting will likely be russia and the ukrainian crisis. for the second year, president vladamir putin was


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