tv The Greg Gutfeld Show FOX News June 27, 2015 7:00pm-8:01pm PDT
hey dean. >> what's up? >> you're here for the audition? >> yeah. you're here for it too? >> the 9 1/2 remake. do you want to rehearse? i got the honey. >> yeah, okay. great. >> it's ridiculous. most people know it. who in his right mind suggested this in the first place. >> either way this thing is in
serious trouble. >> you could not even write a show that would have this as a script because everyone would say this is not believable. that's the problem. he's not prepared to do whatever it takes. thanks for not watching arena football. tonight's topic, losers. last week we witnessed a brutal crime in charleston. we talked a lot about it on the five and elsewhere. i figured tonight we'll stick to less gut wrenching stuff. isis. you know it's bad when you're light or fair is isis. the feds have arrested four suspected terrorists wanting to fight with isis abroad. one googling on how to make a bomb and sniffing around the george washington bridge. i have this theory that losers are dangerous.
consider the perks that come with joining isis. they match the desires of tools who have no life. if you're an uneducated bitter rube, you pick a job selling fruit or join the revolution. one that promises to fulfill every dark desire you fantasticize about in your underwear. when you die you're off to pervert heaven. it's win-win with sin sin for the bottom of the bin. it's a trick on young men who will risk everything and anything for infamy. i have to wonder are we losing this war. by this war i mean the propaganda war. isis is turning heads as fast as they cut them auoff and they're winning because we're losing by not offering a convincing rebuttal. you have to embrace our values before you can exhalt them.
to fight evil you have to believe that you are good. for as long as there's no will, there's no way. all roads lead to hell and hell will beat a path to us. he could strangle you with his eyebrow and make a cage out of your skull. i'm very, very depressed over isis because how do you match blood, treasure, sex and adventure when all we're saying is that's wrong. >> don't do it. say no to isis. >> is there a propaganda plan in place?
>> there's several different strategies in place now. we have to be a little bit careful. this is building up into a myth on how great isis is. >> they friended me. >> they friended you? >> yes, i turned them down and blocked them on twitter. >> you have two friends, three friends. >> that's unnecessary. >> i'm sorry. yes, we have to worry on several levels. we have to worry about social media and the communities that are here in america where they are trying to reach for those recruits. we have to do a better job at community policing. we have to do a better job at outreach bringing those people in and most importantly we have to take away their territory.
>> it's like you say out reach when you really mean spying. just say spying. i like to be spied on. by the way, our propaganda i've noticed is to say they aren't winning or they're not all like president obama says they're not all that. it's the same strategy you use when you get dumped. >> right. >> it's like, you know what, that guy's a jerk. >> they're not all that. president obama has been saying for a while now. they're not the true muslims. actually, they think they are. it doesn't matter what the president of the white house likes to say like they're not part of islam. they believe that are following the true path. as long as they've got this physical manifestation they will have success in this whole thing. what we have to do is we have to get serious. the pentagon talks about how difficult this will be.
>> go over there. you're lonely. have you considered joining isis? >> i try to stay away from the bad boys. my relationship to this country is too good. i'm not going to cheap. we don't have a good sense of nationalism. we have these young men pledging their allegiance to isis when they stand to pledge the flag in a classroom. it's like pulling teeth to do that. >> do the schools still do the morning pledge? >> that's the problem. >> that was an amazing fox news. >> they are joining isis but they don't want for the flag. that was pretty good. >> you're welcome. >> before i move on to the next topic. >> wait, there's more than one topic. >> will they stop acting crazy if they win? >> no. >> i just want to know if this whole craziness thing is a tactic to scare people and all of a sudden, everybody's okay.
>> it was a dumb question. i ask dumb questions so america doesn't have to. the cyber attack on the office of personnel management which is the hr department for federal workers, millions of americans add all their info stolen. it's being called the pearl harbor of cyber attacks. i guess because the 9/11 of cyber attacks was already trade marked. of course, they called the hearing and brought in the head of the joint to answer some questions. it will make your head implode and explode. >> why wasn't this information incry encrypted. >> it's one of many tools. >> it's valuable. why wasn't it? >> it's an industry that's practiced.
>> it's like she's reading. she worked eed at a call center she has to read the text or the specialist at applebees. i've been there before. you have to be worried because you and the cia so all of your information is out there, correct? the people you killed and slept with, carrot top, rupaul. >> carrot top is a friend of mine. don't bring him into this mess. >> you have to be worried. when they said four million or so records, we knew that was lowballing it. it could be up towards of 14 million depending on who you talk to. the information that's gathered. we're saying the chinese did it. >> the problem is they've collected not just names and social security numbers. >> this is information on things called sf-88.
they go for 120 pagesall sorts including your foreign contacts overseas. it's what you fill out when you go for background clearance for a classified job. >> i understand it completely. it means all the stuff. it's the private information you volunteer to the government under the assumptions they were going to protect it. it's like you go to the shrink and leave the files out on the streets. what are you hiding? >> a lot of things. no one cares about my background, just my front ground. >> if you had any scandal, no man would care at bar. if you were the worst person on the planet, you would still go home with somebody. >> yeah. >> i just wanted to make that clear. >> the problem with this issue is that the chinese are doing
what we do, what every other nation does. gathers information for its own national security. the information they gathered now helps them target potential recruits. >> of course. you could be recruited, mike. they have your information. >> no. >> they could recruit you, mike. they'll go okay, you were married to ruth and marty allen. now that we know this, i want to bring in the liberal panel because i bet he thinks that president obama is doing a great job with isis and the breach is no big deal. >> no, i think obama is doing too much to fight isis. >> really? >> yeah, let them handle it over there. the only reason saudi arabia and jordan don't attack is because they are waiting for us. we go over there and attack isis and a new isis comes out. i'm not afraid of the isis operatives here. he googled how to make a bomb on
google. >> you convinced me a little bit. i agree there should be more input from the other nations. >> all the input. let them bleed their blood. i don't know why we've been trying to bring democracy over there for the last 30 years. let them do it. >> the liberal wall has a point there. >> what was that point? >> let them do it. we can handle the community college operatives. it's not had. >> i gave you create. i gave you a splinter of a point. time to go to our op-ed with oversized cartoon glasses. what's the gist so far? >> i'm very happy now sitting here judging all you guys. it's great. you understand why people would join isis? >> well, no, i didn't say that. i could see people joining isis if they're losers. >> if they're losers. i think that we do need to do
something about the brand. i think we should be calling them losers a little more rather than dangerous. how do we combat treasure and blood? i don't know. treasure and blood is everyone's favorite. >> it's weird, isn't it? >> all right. >> i do other stuff with my time, generally. >> that's true. none of it interesting. i'm going to leave you alone. coming up, more presidential candidates enter the race. if you leave now mike baker will choke me with his left eyelid. it's possible. ed with a eye lid. i am totally blind. and sometimes i struggle to sleep at night, and stay awake during the day. this is called non-24. learn more by calling 844-824-2424. or visit your24info.com.
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and, so, all of comedy rejoice. finally another rich, white republican we can make fun of. >> i will be the greatest jobs president that god ever created. i beat china all the time. nobody would be tougher on isis than donald trump. i don't need anybody's money. i'm really rich. >> and, boy, did our sacred comedians lick their chops. it was glorious. >> i am officially running for
president of the united states. thank you, thank you, thank you. >> i'm just really happy right now. >> i get it. these poor souls have been stuck for years in the joke desert with president obama. sure they had republicans to jeer all day long but as long as obama's on the main stage it's a chastity belt on your funny bone. for trump joke is one step above a comic asking audience members where they're from. bernie sanders with saintly reverent. trump builds things. sanders is a socialist which tears things apart. socialism is the flesh eating
virus of ideology. no one ever recovers. at least trump is playing trump. unlike hillary is a woman of the people. she's channelling audiotape wall street. perhaps she learned from rachel dolezal, the pretend black lady, by now pretending to be bernie sanders. it's not playing any victim card. he's only playing the trump card. the speech is how you pack a suitcase an hour before a 5:00 a.m. flight. there was some great stuff and nothing is in order and some of it shouldn't be in there. >> when mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best. they are bringing drugs. they're bringing crime. they're rapist and some, i assume are good people. >> thank god he added some are good people. that saved it. he's outspoken, out rageous and
out of last chances. i have you here but you remind me of trump with bedbugs and scabies. you had businesses and got rich and keep selling businesses. how do you feel about trump? >> the only thing that bothers me about trump is everyone is assuming that anything he says is funny or out rageous. he said a bunch of hate facts. the crime rate with illegals is through the roof and ann colter explores this in-depth. what's so funny? the guy should be revered. remember on "red eye," we were laughing and said he wants to show up and he goes what's the matter with him showing up. he made a ton of money. he's an awesome guy. >> that last comment does not help the republican party when you say rapist and i assume some of them are good. >> sorry, there's a lot of data to back that up.
people who laugh and mock people like that, it's beholden upon you to prove the statement is false. >> that's fair point. you have to prove that it's true. >> i can prove that it's true. ann colter wrote a book this thick about it. >> that's not proof. you have to point to the page. >> 50% of murders in texas have been linked to illegal aliens in the year 2013. >> i'm glad that we have diversity in the mix. i think it's fantastic the republican party has these candidates. >> you have rapists and criminals. it gives the other side the ammunition with that. >> they already are doing it. >> i'm sick of this wholes gives them ammunition. when did we become such wimps?
say hate facts, get arrogant. >> you're supposed to be persuasive in your argument. he could be persuasive. that didn't help. i have a theory here and i want to go to joanne and the liberal wall. he attacks every idea with passion and he moves onto another position that contradicts it. everything is like passion, passion, passion, which we love. would you sleep or vote for trump? >> those rethe only two options i have. i would like to work for him. there's a rumor going around that he hired actors to be there for his announcement and cheer. to that i say i support a candidate who supports the arts. >> she could sleep and vote for him. >> that's true. that was a very sexist question on my part. i could have asked gavin or mike
baker. >> go ahead and ask. >> i would ask the liberal panel. do you want him to win the nomination? >> no. gavin mcginnis to be nominated. i would settle for trump. gavin will give us way more ammunition. i also love this idea that people are great because they have money. like when i see a sack is he made a lot of money. i guess i'm wrong. he has money. >> why don't you try it liberal panel? try it and get back to us. >> you know gavin was the first hipster and if you stab a stake in his heart most of williamsburg will turn to dust. >> that was one of many companies and it's hard. 12 go under for every one that's successful. we need to revere these
entrepreneurs as much as we need to venerate housewives. >> amen with that. the things that trump says causes problems all the way across the party. >> i'm waiting for an example of him being wrong. >> if he pulls our leg again it's on us. what's planned for the big return for tv? i don't know. i'll ask him when i get home. mr. auto-mo-deal!s! hey, it's the wheel deal! hey, hey, the duke of deals! i know a few guys in the rental car biz. let's go, 'wheels'. rental car deals up to 40% off.
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welcome back. now it's time for a new segment ti it a day. yes, it's time to call it a day. i'm talking to you rachel dolezal. just nine days ago i didn't know your name, where you lived, what you did or what degree of spray t tan you used. megan kelly talked to the white people that raised you, but now it's getting weird. now maury povich wants all of you to come on his show and do a paternity test thing. rachel, it's been nice knowing you but i want my life back, and it's time for you to call it a
day. speaking of identity theft, brian williams is back in
something we like to call. >> time served. >> yes, after six months in nbc purgatory brian williams is back on our flat screens. c con garagelation on breaking news on msnbc. con congratulations. he's the host of a show red eye which i've never heard of. i hear it's gone downhill after their first host left. i can't remember his name. tom. i sense that you feel bad for
brian williams. >> i do. >> why? >> we gave him a lot of grief. he was in war areas. maybe he
wasn't on the battlefield, but i exaggerate. if i see someone get pushed on the subway, i'll throw myself into that. i'll come into work and say i got roughed up on the subway. >> yes. you will say nar do wells. nobody know what is that is. you're right. human beings by nature can't help but add a layer to a story when they don't need to. >> yes. we all exaggerate. he did as well. we call him on it. we say you weren't really in that helicopter. he should have said i guess i wasn't. everybody chill out and now the news. like forget about it. to me it was much ado about nothing. people said he's a news man. he's a news man. it's so different. why? why do we put these idiots on a pedestal any way? he's just a jerk like you and
me. >> gavin, what's that german phrase? exactly. i would have said something else. he was pompous and he was into the perks. i think people don't like bheem are in people who are into the perks. >> he was bitten by the celebrity bug. >> he wanted to be jon stewart. >> your job isn't subway fight guy telling america what happened on subways. that was his job. >> i like it. anything that demeans the old fashioned anchor who we went to bed with every night, i think that's good because i thought that was a lot of whoie any way. >> anybody in that type of
position or job trouble. they told me before the show that you like statistics. i should throw one out. 75% or slightly above of all resumes and cvs have some padding in them, have some inaccuracy in there. >> i have a statistic too. 94% of viewers don't really care that he's gone. i think it's really interesting in his interview he said the time away has been torture. can you watch your verbage. >> he was references the time he worked in the interrogation center. >> he's going to msnbc which is like media siberia or the media rubber room where they send teachers in new york. i want to bring in the liberal panel. you have to be thrilled that brian williams is going to your favorite network.
>> i'm a big fan of his daughter. i felt bad for him. i felt like he told the lies to deal with fact he had to watch his daughter. >> it's actually, i hate to agree, but that must have been worse. they put his daughter and girls through really ridiculous things. >> he told the press, he said i have no problem with that. >> you're right. he said he watched that show with his daughter and i didn't believe him. >> he had done a lot better job interviewing rachel dolezal than matt did. how did she take matt lauer down? that's incredible. did you color your face? what are you talking about? >> does the panel know you called an end to talking about rachel. >> tom, look into my eye. >> may i just make one point about this whole story. i guess next to you i'm the
oldest person here. i had a crush on susan day when she was in the partridge family. gorgeous. >> okay, thank you. your statistics suck. kathryn, anything you want to say. >> tom said he felt bad for brian williams because he exaggerates too. no you don't. you feel bad because brian williams is a straight white male. you're also a straight white male. you felt bad because it was threatening the system of power where you guys have rule over people. >> you're right. i identity with my people. >> that's true. msnbc should have him host a show called tall tales and he reenacts exaggerate. say he's doing -- >> give him another job. another straight, white male. >> spoken from an attractive blonde white woman whose has
been oppressed. >> i have been oppressed. you just interrupted me. >> let's cut the lady off. i will never have a brian williams problem because no one takes me seriously as a journalist. that's the secret to happiness. up next joanne tries to make father's day interesting. she fails. stick around i'll shave off gavin's chest hair and mail it to your grandmother. and sometimes i struggle to sleep at night, and stay awake during the day. this is called non-24. learn more by calling 844-824-2424. or visit your24info.com. this is good, mom. "good"? (chuckles) it's delicious! and this new kibble blend is so healthy. thank you. no, nancy, thank you. kibbles 'n bits. because every bit matters.
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it should not be taken more than twice a day. symbicort contains formoterol. medicines like formoterol increase the risk of death from asthma problems. symbicort may increase your risk of lung infections, osteoporosis, and some eye problems. you should tell your doctor if you have a heart condition or high blood pressure before taking it. grandfather: symbicort could mean a day with better breathing. watch out, piggies! child giggles doctor: symbicort. breathe better starting within 5 minutes. call or go online to learn more about a free prescription offer. if you can't afford your medication, astrazeneca may be able to help. >> so i hope you fathers are enjoying your day t i hope you fathers are enjoying your day today and that handy home depot card that c cannot be used to purchase porn. it's not about what your family gives you but what you give them. i sent our own joanne out to find out what makes dad so
special. none of them hit on her. >> you know what's cool? dad stuff and what's even better, watching dads do dad stuff. let's do this. i can't open it. can you open it for me? so strong. thanks, dad. i actually have a math equation and i was hoping you could help me. at party everyone shook hands with everybody else. there were 66 handshakes. how many people were at the party. >> 33. i don't know if that's right. you're the dad. so, thanks dad. could you tie my shoe for me. >> tie it for you? >> yes, please. you do the bunny technique. perfect. you're going to be great dad. how many kids do you have? >> twin boys.
>> do you have pictures? >> of course. what kind of father would i with? >> awful father. >> check this out. >> you wanted kids in. >> yes. >> are these your children? >> yes. >> which one do you like better? >> depends on which day. >> good answer. also depends on if my mother would see this. >> i was hoping for a little test. >> me and you? >> yeah, this is great dad. what about an end zone dance. i think i got it. dads are really great at telling stories and reading them to children who can't. this book has a lot of big words in it. the joy of hate. i was wondering if you could read a passage for me. >> remember she's only 30. this doesn't have the expletives
of the paragraphs that proceed it. >> just like dad, making sure he doesn't curse in front of the kids. >> i knew jon stewart figuratively. i'm not going say this. is this a joke? >> it's not a joke, sir. >> dads are great at involving math problems, tieing shoes and playing catch and opening jars of peanut butter and hating greg's book. i can't blame them. thanks, dad. >> as usual we've learned nothing from your report. everyone here but me is father. who has the most kids? how many kids, mike? >> four. >> how many? >> three. >> two. >> i'm negative seven. that's sounds disgusting, negative seven children. do you enjoy all the dad stuff? >> can't get enough.
the only time i'm jealous of people is when they have more kids than me. >> i wish i had four. >> that's pathetic. what do you do with your time? >> all you did was continue the human race with the same amount. >> you need one more. >> you told me once you have more then it gets easier. >> yeah, better, funner. my 2-year-old introduced himself to a bird and said i'm johnny. >> that a happens every eight seconds. >> your child is stupid. >> he's two weeks old so he's brilliant. >> you have four kids. they're all boys. >> daughter in college and three little boys. they're young. >> do you think it's fair that you have father's day and i'm childless and i don't have like, there should be a day for people like me, childless aging men who prefer wine over whiners. >> it's called the weekend, greg. >> greg, you really got do get moving.
all this is meaningless. when you die this will all fade to dust in the win. the only legacy that matters is offspring. i don't know why new yorkers don't care more about it. this is all fairy dust. >> it's good fairy dust. >> it's nice. >> my kids are my books. when i be dead my books will be in the library and that's all i care about. i don't have to feed the books. before we go it's time for hard evidence. that's our series examining one of the most notorious cases of all time. it's about man named trevor in a tale that involves murder, mayhem and danger at every turn. here is the second installment of our 52-part series. >> july 20th, 1969. trevor and 600 million others watch as apollo 11 makes
history, or did it? the next day trevor called the new york times claiming he has proof that the world has been duped. the paper ignored him. the government did not. >> everybody knows that neil armstrong walked on the moon. what this case asks you to consider is maybe he didn't. >> overnight trevor became the cia number one target. >> we needed somebody who could track it. that's why we hired the seeker. >> the seeker, the government's ultimate weapon for finding stuff like things and other stuff. trevor could run but he couldn't hide. the chase went on for years. >> it was your typical game of cat and mouse until the dog arrived. >> did the dog get his bone, and would the world ever be the
same? >> mike, that was terrifying. i had no idea you were involved. >> i had no idea you had that footage. >> can you tell us anything about the case? >> parts of it has been declassified. we can talk about that part. other parts have not. we can't talk about those parts. >> thanks for making it boring. every time you try to come up with something interesting, you put everybody you're like a walking ambien. >> did i tell you about my crush on susan day? >> you did. we'll have to wait until the next installment. time to take a break. ka kathryn tells us how we did.
you stay up. you listen. you laugh. you worry. you do whatever it takes to take care of your family. and when it's time to plan for your family's future, we're here for you. we're legalzoom, and for over 10 years we've helped families just like yours with wills and living trusts. so when you're ready, start with us. doing the right thing has never been easier. legalzoom. legal help is here. youbut i had to use so manyse sheets per spill,wels. the roll just disappeared. i knew i should've bought bounty. bounty is 2x more absorbent
complementing you before hand or else it is kind of like assault. >> if i saw you look beautiful -- >> gavin, you broke it. i can't. not a safe space. the show is not a safe space. gavin, not only did you say illegal immigrants a bunch of times you said ann coulter twice without a trigger warning. >> both you and ann are 7.9's. >> don't ever do that. what are the oodz. he said you are going to watch people do dad stuff? are you suggesting there are stuff only dads can do? >> no. no he. >> we edited it. we edited out all of the nice stuff. >> tom, you said you have two kids, you have two kids? >> two daughters. >> you had two kids all on your own, huh? discount the role that the woman played. >> wow. >> typical, and greg, it was
sexist to ask joe ann and only joe ann if she would sleep with donald trump but it was also het row normative to do that. >> how is that heter row normative. >> you are saying only a heterosexual situation would be possible. it is very typical and i am very smart and here to educate people who aren't as smart as sympathetic as i am. >> she is almost as angry as the liberal panel. >> typical to call a woman angry. if a guy does it it is one thing but if a woman does it it is not acceptable. i hope you are smarter after my insight. >> i am sure we p will try tour best to please you, because you are the fairer sex. >> i have the right answers. >> all right. go away. time to take a break. more stuff when we come back. wh what are our quests going home with tonight? >> tonight's guests will receive a broken vcr. ment con grat rations dest.
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it's a new fiber supplement that helps support regularity and includes b vitamins to help convert food to energy. mmmmm, these are good! nice work, phillips! the tasty side of fiber, from phillips'. >> more are my top five. first, make as many inflammatory comments as possible, usually about race or gender. people love this, and it will get the show lots of attention. second, if a crazy person wants to come on the show, definitely book him or her. the more conspiracy theories he's into, the better. and if they right to you
personally, then surely invite them on. if they write on the outside of the envelope in three colors, then he's a star. third, poke fun of other cultures and companies like you would a sibling. they may get upset, but they know it will come from a place of love. don't bother with hair and makeup. give them what they want, acne and everything. finally, insert a lot of jokes the audience won't get. it won't be funny to them, but to you and the panel, lit be hilarious. what changes do you have in store for tomorrow, tom? >> you told me not to do any preparation. you said, this is the way television works. show up five minutes before taping, read what's in the prompter and the cards fall
where they may. >> who are your guests for monday night? >> jeff ross is coming on. >> he would always turn me down. >> listen, i did my work in the comedy clubs and i've been schmoozing him for years. he's just doing a show live in prisons. >> fantastic idea. he did do "red eye" twice with me, but his lines got stepped on. >> and joanne will be there on monday evening. even though you work her on the weekends. >> when are you on, gavin? >> as soon as possible. i check my e-mail every day. >> good luck tomorrow. i'll be rooting for you in a passive aggressive manner. thanks to all the panel. i'm greg gutfeld. happy father's day, what's left of it. >> hey, gutfeld, your ride is here. >> this guy is driving me crazy. he just follows me around.
he's stalking me. yesterday, he stole my lunch in front of me. he went into the fridge while i was standing there and took my soup, and he poured it down his pants and he said, hey, greg, that's some great soup. then he walked away. the guy is absolutely psychotic. >> gutfeld, your ride is here. >> can you get rid of him? >> all right, but