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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  April 1, 2017 7:00pm-8:01pm PDT

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>> just last week i bought underwear on the internet. why should you know what size i take? where the color? or any of that information? well now i am curious. [laughter] [applause] >> all right, enough my during fans. as the media loses its collective. [bleep] over russia's meddling in our election james comey
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tries to go public last summer on this very matter but president obama shot him down. so while mr. obama not want to expose such meddling? those revelations would have guaranteed hillary's presidency and we would all be sitting at home right now throwing up. [laughter] so could our beloved obama have colluded with vladimir putin to seek hillary? after all it was not like they were best friends. more like worst friends.they got along with hotdogs and genitals. [laughter] maybe this was payback. to which i would say well done mr. obama. if that is your real name. [laughter] anyway vladimir putin denies involvement. >> ronald reagan was talking about taxes and adjusting -- watch my lips, no. >> how did cnn respond?
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>> of course with a bank check, it was not president reagan it was george w. bush who said that. >> a great job katie. the poor guy. the poor guy who gave vladimir putin the bad information is probably dead. and of course they will say it is suicide, yes he was so distraught over his mistake that he shot himself. in the back of his head. six times. after removing his own fingernails. meanwhile, it is nice to see the left finally caring about the evil russians. >> russia, russia, russia. >> he started sleeping in his smelter spirit. >> sabotage in his smelter's. >> russia, russia, russia. >> after death and suffering they think russia crossed the line. now that they are in ãon the internet. >> why is the guy running the
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bank getting a meeting with jared kushner? he's not much older than serge when he got on spy school in moscow. maybe they talked about that. vice president mike pence said he had no idea about any of that. he never heard about any of it. he never, what? that is shocking. never heard any of it. that is why somebody has decided to leak a portion of his 2005 tax return. which is how and why we got it tonight. >> russia, russia, russia. i have to hand it to her she is working it. but it makes me wonder why, why now out today is? i have in my hand, and calendar. look at today. it is april 1. april fools' day. so what is in my hands now? at wikipedia page rachel maddow's wikipedia page with her date of birth which is april fools' day!
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[applause] rachel maddow was born on a day with the spreading of hoaxes. a day that marks fake news. coincidence? it is also john -- birthday. i hate john goslin. and the wikipedia page which i printed an exclusive printing for my exclusive computer!if you look closely, you'll see the place of birth.she is born in a valley. a valley california within miles of a river. the russian river. [laughter] back in 2014, russia tried to block the olympic anti-doping efforts. in what sport? what would you do in a river? you might swim. who was an avid swimmer? you guessed it. and what of the valley she was
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born in? castro valley. fidel castro. who established ties with russia albee to replicate their murderous dictatorship. it is a dictator that they anticipate rachel's every move. like putin his dissertation was on economics. it was 218 pages long. 218. i want you to let that number sink in. on episode 218 of rachel maddow's first year of shows was her guest? this man. [laughter] mr. anthony weiner. who helped ruin hillary clinton after it was revealed he had females on his filthy filthy laptop. anthony weiner, how convenient. could they have planned the whole thing with someone
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signaling when the time was right? in russia weiner is often called kielbasa. the day before christmas maddow tweeted this. i know it will be a hassle to fly with a fresh kielbasa. who would treat that? about kielbasa? unless, it was a tipoff to the russians about weiner! to sabotage hillary clinton on the exact same day december 24, 2013. mikell -- the father of the ak-47 dies. he was only 94 rachel, why? why? it was also ricky martin's ♪ ♪ birthday. ♪ [music] ♪ [music] >> the bay of pigs, kielbasa, anthony weiner, assault rifles, ricky martin. it's all coming together like a batter that makes the deadly
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cake for a sinister figure on a dark day. based on lies. [laughter] [applause] happy birthday rachel. you deserved it! [applause] all right we need to welcome tonight's guest, this man has written more books than i have read. celebrated journalistic great works, you had to get his latest book. it is called how the hell did this happen? probably the best light of my generation. all right like an emergency room dr. he will leave messages and give you drugs after. actor, writer, comedian jamie --.
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she considers this a bromance. -- and being a saharan. [applause] >> so you grew up when the russians were really really bad. and the left loves them. so, we, you and i, we were the enemy and the cold war. the russians were their is this outrage or to swallow? >> yes, i mean - you nailed it! now that russia is life kind of a regular country. >> yes. >> is just regular evil stuff is that of the vast network of you know, james bond level evil stuff. now that they are just a stinky country. >> yes. [laughter]
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>> like all the rest of the countries, the left is gotten really - now there is income equality. there was income equality. >> right, right. >> no equality now. >> they was as if a free healthcare and everybody was poor.that was equality. jamie, what do you make of this whole russian thing? and you are in alaska so of course you can see russia. >> yes, it is right over there. first of all gary i love your monologue. i want to say. and it really brought me back. i was in a heavy metal band in high school called hot sauce. >> really? [laughter] >> it took me way back. seeing anthony weiner brought back so many memories of his time in the news and make me think of your last name, if it is weiner and he was sending some types of pictures, should you pronounce a different? like this is my associate -- [laughter] at the get is crazy and are we just here, was
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lamenting the death of apollo creed? [laughter] >> doesn't kinda make them seem cool though? secret meetings with russia and stuff you to kiss me and that is an excited.>> exactly kind of fun watching. i actually think there may not be much there. >> right, obviously of all the things did happen that rachel maddow is insinuating happened, that would be bad! that would be very bad because she wants them to be true because she can get ratings and any little thing, she just grasps that. it has become so politicized. we should really be all united in the fact that it would be bad if these things were true. regardless of what you think about donald trump. >> thank god we did not do that with obama. [applause] >> i am a libertarian.
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>> i don't do anything bad. >> i do have the freedom to do so if i choose. >> that is true at any moment in time. okay give us your take on this. >> you know what, and in wrestling we tend to build the bad guy. you really want russia to be the soviet union. we really want putin to be this lord and all the sudden you have something to fight about. i think they probably found some dirt, maybe some emails and put them out there. it is not sexy enough. you know, russia just you know, we expected to have big cannons but it is a little gun. you know they thought you got to an alley and they just use harsh words on the internet. here they unfriended some friends on the left. you know the more i read the more i am like i think they're having fun with it.i will talk if you give me immunity.
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and then, they're going to have to because russia is involved. you know you just have to say it. >> i think it goes both ways though. i think people who are fans of donald trump want to see if there's anything. >> so far when the thing is the world's dullest novel. and he said had some dull novels. this is one that is just like, the little drummer girl times 40 and page 700 and you know someone has not even gotten hurt yet. >> it's like a foreign film. all work, no action. some i don't even know what they are. all right, coming up, we are have commercials. by everything you see. including gold and silver. first, why starbucks is trying to make coffee and politics. that is next. [applause] ♪
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thank you so much for that down home welcome. show me female vocalist of the year. thank you so much. thank you so much acm's, i appreciate it. show me acm best moments. i could never have wished for, asked for and dreamt of anything more than this. catch your favorite moments from the acm awards and an exclusive encore performance by kelsea ballerini following the show on xfinity x1. the acm awards. live on sunday, april 2nd 8/7 central on cbs. >> can we mend political woke with a free cup of joe? a lesson on coffee chain is working with a started to give
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recovery to people of all with opposing political views. have to talk to people you would rather punch in the face and leave it for dead in the desert. a couple of things amaze me. first i can't believe we need an incentive to have a civil conversation.actually i can. second, they basically took the wisdom, printed on a coffee mug and turned it into a business model. i wish i thought of that. although i do question the logic of giving piping hot beverages to people who are in any given day might kill each other! but perhaps this is all a ploy by big ointment. [laughter] >> big ointment! this is a serious, serious problem. not addressed by republicans. big ointment. >> everything! go.kes will >> we should probably - >> big lubricant. >> yes, big lubricant.
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>> i do understand the need for some payback to talk to people. you might loathe and detest. but coffee? booze. of course it probably will lead to a civil discussion so how about a new car? >> that was oprah's thing. i do agree that hot scalding beverages are probably less wise than you is because if you throw beyond somebody a kind of cool. >> is cool. i went to starbucks this morning and i noticed the people honoring skinny drains are not. [laughter] >> you should be a reporter! >> i don't know if it is more than just that or what. i'm not that impressed. i would say i would be much more impressed if they gave away, let's say two people were having a political discussion.
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if they give everyone around of noise canceling headphones. >> is not going to work. it's going to backfire. >> nothing like me and a confederate southern gentleman sitting with me. this is nothing more than political --. [laughter] ran to people showing up talking about stuff. scathing ideas, i swear to god. >> mike pence will be able to do thisb another guy. >> there would be marriage is broken up over this. darling is where i met her at starbucks to discuss, i had to bring her - >> we had a civil discussion. >> and that's why my pants about my ankles. >> the best way to have a discussion as to camp people up on a bunch of caffeine. >> here is the thing that bothers me. starbucks is doing this out of
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the goodness of their heart. but anyway they contributed to this divide because they are one of the two companies always get involved in politics. to quote - the simpsons, they are the solution and the problem. like alcohol, they start the problem and then say we will solve it. >> they're not doing this out of the goodness of their hearts. i don't think people really really do it. remember the race together thing they did when they encouraged people to talk to the barista about issues? hidden camera went and did that and they were talking of white privilege and ultimately i was asked to leave because a line behind it was so long. so they see things and they just say i know is going to make them look good. and i think this is just that. >> the whole idea of civil discussion, that is a liberal idea. >> that's true. >> if you are conservative but i am, he wanted to shut up. [laughter] >> that is the way i explained politics to my kids. shut up! >> you're right, i don't think this is going to work because
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people like outreach. the adrenaline rush of telling people they are wrong. right now i am seeing another wave of celebrity busybodies on twitter. like john legend and george took high and chrissy teigen. these are people that are very wealthy that have rich lives. they are going to twitter to tell people how bad they are. how rude they are and how a travel agent upset somebody. what are you doing? what is wrong with you? you sad piece of -! i mean that in a general sense. >> it's called free time. when you build a page and have five or six times you have time to say you know the drycleaner - and the whole point of this starbucks than just a killer right here. nobody changes anybody's mind anymore. there are 45 t.v. shows from both sides could have ever seen anyone say something and actually i believe that would work and the guy says, well i
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never thought of that! you were right, thank you so much for talking to me, this has been great! no really it's you and me, in the parking lot i'm going to knock you out. >> if you want to show you said you're right, you change my mind you will be back on the show. >> not on that show. >> crossfire would just be called fire. >> i agree with you. today on cross. nobody wants to watch a marriage. >> especially not a happy one. >> all right. jamie, any last words? look like you are thinking. >> owes trying to remember but i was just reading about the starbucks thing in the ceo put out a statement of trying to remember what he said. it was something like to his employees. he said like, i just think we should all care about each other and look at, but first so everybody six dollar cup of coffee.
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then care. >> so in the wood stain is a come out. we should just all care more about each other. don't you just want to say, you know we should care less about things. ? the hell with them!>> stay out of my bubble. >> stay out of my bubble. that's why i am in a bubble! >> all right we have to move on. next a story so hot that construction workers whistle added on the way to work. and al gore has a new movie. spoiler alert, it is awful!
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a fiery show done on capitol hill ahead of the senate both confirmed giorgio research to the supreme court. two democrats that they will support him but others are threatening to filibuster including democratic leader chuck schumer. a vote is likely to come thursday. and the suspect arrested for starting a fire that demolished part of the busy atlanta interstate now facing arson charges. -- this caused part of it to collapse. and bids to build the wall on the border is tuesday. the first round of bidding, more than 200 companies
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expressing interest in the project. at least 32 or owned by or managed by hispanics. i am marion lafferty now back to "the greg gutfeld show". for your latest headlines go to >> the climate has truly changed. political climate that is. shoot me. the president signed an executive order nullifying the climate change efforts by president obama. surprised? environmental activists hated. unknown source of flatulence. michael moore. he tweeted this in between pie, [laughter] so cheap, so cheap. not worthy of applause. not worthy of applause! anyway, he tweeted his stories in the near future will mark today, march 28 2017 as a day of extinction on earth began.
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>> we are all going to die. >> that's exactly what i was going to say! >> sorry, i didn't mean to - >> historians are exempt from exchanging. and then he says i am becoming an historian. [laughter] >> we start with michael moore. >> now and go to the former vp and present-day side shaper al gore. he has a new film and for a change it is not in his underpants. it is a sequel to his climate change real of lies and inconvenient truth.the movie predicted that the planet would be gone in 10 years. yet 11 years later, al gore releases a sequel. so dino proved al gore wrong? al gore! [laughter] anyway, we happen to have the trailer for this highly anticipated new film. [video]
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in a world where nobody in the media question one man's opinion on global warming. the man now has a sequel. it was just 11 years ago that he said the world would end in 10 years. unless earth acted on some awesomely ridiculous proposal. now he is releasing a second film proving to all that he was wrong. we are still here. and he was completely incorrect. and a new unicorn writing a skateboard. al gore, leonardo dicaprio and david matthews. inconvenient truth number two. more lies from --. >> jamie, i want to ask you, should that run the reputation if you predict the world is going to end 10 years ago and
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you're still around 11 years later making another movie? >> i don't see your point. you know, who would be more for global warming? i do live in alaska. and it would help us out, it is freezing there. >> but you chose that.>> i did choose. remind me why. and the other day -- was frozen. it was literally the cold indoors. i saw the inconvenient truth. some of the video does make me sad. it is a real problem but we have to make sure the science is there before we give money to certain people. and you always see the video of the polar bear. and who doesn't love polar bears besides their natural enemy? [laughter] but you see a polar bear and an iceberg and it is getting smaller and the polar bear and you know i don't blame emissions. i blame the cameraman. reach your hand out, help a bear. [laughter] put the turtle upright when he's upside down.
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i mean - >> you know i look at michael moore and i know that, 1.5 million people died from diabetes which is related to obesity. and yet he is telling us we are going to die from warmer weather. which is kind of ironic to me. >> yes, especially with the ice cream pond in his hand. >> yes! [laughter] >> but he has the dress for success thing. >> that is true. [laughter] he dresses for the job he wants. [laughter] >> i'm sorry. >> i did it first. okay here is the problem, i, fat jokes and michael moore are cheap. except he says horrible things! >> he is passionate about you know - >> he says awful things about people.
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>> al gore is not really telling the truth. you know what the truth is, there are too many damn people. >> how does that go in your movie? >> the polar cap is getting smaller and we have to cut down to 2 million. >> we are all going extinct
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anyway, all of you are as we speak. climate change. we should care. however, even if we were perfect and switched back to horses and rode around on buggies and horses. we would run the risk of a donner party situation. normally people start shouting about extinction. and usually any good therapist to not make important decisions when you are emotional. so we shouldn't be make policies based on emotion either. greg: they shouldn't call the donner party a party it wasn't fun. >> i had a birthday party that was a donner party theme.
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it's a great point. they call it when you are looking for a search party. greg: coming up, a story about sex, drugs and murder. first, how the internet privacy rules could be changes. translation, clear your browser history right now. i was wondering if an electric toothbrush really cleans... ...better than a manual, and my hygienist says it does. but... ...they're not all the same. turns out, they're really... ...different. who knew? i had no idea. so, she said look for... that's shaped like a dental tool with a round... ...brush head. go pro with oral-b. oral-b's rounded brush head surrounds each tooth to... ...gently remove more plaque and... ...oral-b crossaction is clinically proven to... ...remove more plaque than sonicare diamondclean. my mouth feels so clean. i'll only use an oral-b! the #1 brand used by dentists worldwide. oral-b. brush like a pro.
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[♪] greg: generally it's a good idea to avoid doing stories until you fully understand the facts. but in a marked departure i decided to panic now. house republicans voted to reverse privacy rules that would require verizon and att to get
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your permission before collecting and sharing your data. stuff like your browsing history history. republicans say websites like facebook and google are already doing this. but democrats say it's handing over sensitive information to the highest bidder. >> just last week i bought underwear on the internet. why should you know what size i take? greg: yes, although i do. maybe he is right. maybe we don't want our browser histories out there for sale. imagine what my broirs history looked like when i tried to find videos for you the viewer for this show.
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that's amazing. i was searching for biographies of lou dobbs. they will make a lot of money off this. does this worry you? do you do a lot of unusual browser searches? >> no, nothing unusual about them at all. i just look up where the didn't little league game is next. greg: but you don't have kids, p.j. >> does this worry me? hell, yes. greg: jamie, i think you have some dark, dark secrets only your browser could tell. >> yep, you are right. they are watching us. hasn't everyone had that thing when you are on the internet and an ad comes up, and you think,
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they are listening. i was online i was trying to buy. >> big truck with a lift kit. and the ever next day an ad for penis even largement. i didn't even have my camera on. >> imagine what pops up on anthony wiener's? greg: you know what i do? i do philanthropic searches for people who are too embarrassed to do it themselves. if somebody says i have youth fungus, i will do it for them. it's not me, it's somebody else. t. >>. >> i wear my search history on
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my sleeve kind of girl. i have weird stuff but not that you would be shocked. greg: what's the weirdest thing you searched for. >> i can't tell you that. they are selling this information. it's not shocking you think that they want internet companies, they are influential, blah, blah, blah. everyone should care about this. everyone should care about this. the argument that google and facebook are already doing it, yeah, and it's not good. greg: tyrus, what about your searches? >> i was just clearing my browser. >> i made up my find i'm going to have a samurai beautiful
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death. greg: how many suicides are linked to exposure of their browser history? it's like people getting hit by cars because they were looking at hot chicks. >> hon, you left the laptop open, wow, you want to go to thailand that bad? >> i have got some friends, you know, sexual dysfunction, and just out of charity, i'm checking some things out. maybe if you watch this. >> if my wife went through my browser search she would be disappointed at how lame i was. greg: good cover. >> you are a comedian, you are a dark soul. you have seen some stuff. greg: i don't trust anybody that
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clean cut. i know you have things in freezers that are scratching to get out. a story so powerful -- the president won't throw out the first pitch on opening day. is he making a mistake? tyrus is investigating. g. how we use it is only limited by our imagination. and at southern company we're building the future of energy, for you.
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greg: apparently mlb's opening day is near it's major league baseball. washington nationals invited the president to throw out the first pitch but he declined because after scheduling conflict. every president since taft, steve taft, with the exception of jimmy carter has thrown out a first pitch at some point during the presidency. is the president mission an opportunity to unite the country? we sent tyrus to find out. >> donald trump due to scheduling conflicts is not going to throw out the first pitch for opening day.
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>> that's wrong. >> the only one who has never done it is carter. donald trump needs to throw out this pitch. >> absolutely, it's baseball it's american. >> when you think of cart i are you think of pea nuts and one term. who do you have assume would be the worst pitch, george bush, barack obama, ronald reagan, donald trump, 50 cents or geraldo, gutfeld. >> geraldo defected from cuba and he had a 170-mile-per-hour fastball. 50 cents. he threw the worst pitch of all time. it hit somebody in the background. a mascot. bad day for 50 cents. >> if he spent a dollar he might
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have done better. >> who last had the best pitch? >> it had to be bush. he threw a strike and i believe it was 85-90 miles an hour. >> what is wrong with this pitcher. >> he's wearing a national's jacket and white sox hat. >> if you have to pitch to the nationals, would it be okay to wear the hat? i love it. one of a kind. not a poncho because it has a hoodie. i told you that story about everral doe, gutfeld, that was fake news, that was not true. all those sources came from cnn, i'm sorry, it's not true.
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greg: from now on you have to call that putty. that killed 50 cents career. what's wrong with you saying i'm not going to do it? >> he needs to do it. it's a great honor. >> i disagree. i think this is great for president trump's grands brand for being too busy. i am surprised i haven't seen a tweet from him yet saying obama was playing all this golf but i can't throw out the first pitch because i'm too busy make america great again.
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greg: we only cover obama playing golf. do you think trump should chuck the obama as they say in baseball? >> i love the sweater that you are wearing. >> i feel like it answers a lot of problems i have with sweaters. my nipples get so cold, but my forearms are so hot. i believe trump said he would have thrown the first pitch fit was a much smaller ball an could have hit it with a golf club. >> the whole world would be looking at his fingers. greg: he's an athlete. he played baseball, didn't he? he's busy. >> we'll go with busy. greg: for now. don't go anywhere. final thoughts up next. ♪
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greg: we are running on a time, so >> what she wanted to say i'll show but haven't had a chance to say. right now. greg: dj. >> buy my book. [cheers and applause] i'm not on television for my health. traded by the way, i think i have seven or eight of your books. the book that influenced newest republican party reptile. i was addicted to the magazine. i have almost all the early books come out later books, most of your books. they are. i pretty much just your eyes. buy this book. at book.
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i don't have any of your books. >> for my final thought, i want to say hello to my wife and three beautiful children. i should say unfortunately i do have four children, but i want to say hi to charlie, breyer, miles and what's your name. >> you want me to follow that? hi, mom. we haven't spoken 20 years. >> something tells me that's true. i've got a big match coming up. trade to round it out. >> i think should die all of p.j.'s books. don't sell yourself short, buddy. market them all. greg: thank you. our studio audience. i love you, america.
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[cheers and applause] icicicicict floor director. never! april fools'. jesse: "watters world" is on. tonight will be look at the picture. are you afraid? you don't have anything to say? another case for justice for kate steinle. ann coulter is here. >> people think you are going to be part of the administration. >> no, i'm going to be a daughter. >> and a liar. >> fake news blasts ivanka trump. words of


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