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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  June 10, 2017 7:00pm-8:01pm PDT

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♪ >> i love hearing from all of you, so remember to friend me on facebook, follow me on twitter and on i'm sorry gram. that's it for us tonight. thanks so much for watching. greg gutfeld is next. see you next week same time, same place, same me. [laughter] >> look at those hands up there. do you have this in romania? >> i got the microphone. if you allow me -- >> if i could only sell that. if i could only sell it. who would like to ask -- should i take one of the killer networks that treat me so badly as fake news? should i do that? huh? greg: he's back. [laughter] [cheers and applause] greg: what did the testimony of my homey, james comey, show me? [laughter] a pile of bologna. [laughter]
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i made a list. number one, comey leaked over a trump tweet. >> the president tweeted on friday after i got fired that i better hope there's not tapes. i boeing up in the middle -- i woke up in the middle of the night on monday night because it doesn't dawn on me originally that there might be corroboration for our conversation, there might be a tape. and my judgment was i needed to get that out into the public square, and so i asked a friend of mine to share the content of the memo with a reporter. greg: when i wake up in the middle of the night, i take a leak. [laughter] i don't leak! in the hierarchy of honorable things to do, i go with tweeting over leaking. at least with a tweet, you know it's coming from trump, for better or worse. trump stands by his tweets. comey hid behind a leak. he had his buddy drop it to the times to protect himself. that's a weeny move, and i know weeny moves. fact is, in all of this he suddenly realized trump is the more transparent of the two.
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he's abrasive, he's blunt, he makes his intent obvious, but comey, he adopted an aw shucks routine to max his sneaky behavior and, lordy, it got thick. >> lordy, i hope there are tapes. i don't know if i had had the presence of mind i would have said to the president, sir, that's wrong with. that's how i conducted myself. i hope i'll never have another opportunity. maybe if i did it again, i would do it better. greg: felt like i was watching a combination of here haw and l.a. law. [laughter] all that was missing was a strand of hay sticking out of his mouth. and he's from yonkers. that's new york. so to reiterate, comey kind of phony. number two, was there obstruction of justice on the part of former attorney general loretta lynch regarding the hillary clinton e-mail investigation? >> at one point the attorney general had directed me not to call it an investigation, but
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instead to call it a matter which confused me and concerned me. greg: oh, dear. it confused and concerned me. yet i still did it. what's with this guy? he always seem like he's trying to do the right thing while doing the wrong thing. and you've got to love that once again hillary reappears to ruin a democrat's day. if it wasn't for her, there wouldn't be this lynch thing. she's like my it table bowel -- it table bowel -- [laughter] she just never goes away. it reminds me of a movie. >> she came from long ago -- [laughter] >> don't quit, keep fighting, stay -- [cheers and applause] >> but just when you thought she had been defeated -- >> why aren't i 50 points ahead, you might ask. >> -- she came back. >> i take responsibility for every decision i made, but that's not why i lost. >> it wasn't enough. >> it really is painful.
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>> blame it all studios presents 2017 return of the swamp queen. [laughter] coming to a democratic party near you. [cheers and applause] greg: all right. number three, was there obstruction of justice on the part of trump? if trump never asked him to shut down an investigation, it's not obstruction. trump's just being trump. he's no flying nun, but he's not darth vadar either. he's like a mix. he's a nun vadar or a flying darth. number four, comey doesn't feel very well. >> the very disturbing thing, very concerning, a whole lot of personal pain for me. that gave me a queasy feeling. [laughter] greg: the guy certainly takes the job to heart. i think our new sponsor might be able to help you, jimmy. >> does your boss confuse you? >> shifting explanations.
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confused me and increasingly concerned me. >> do you feel the need to leak? >> i asked a friend of mine to share the content of the memo with a reporter. >> does he make your belly hurt? >> look, this is terrible. it makes me mildly news shus. >> it may be time to try queasy. queasy battles the butterflies in your belly. >> he had repeatedly told me i was doing a great job and he hoped i would stay. >> queasy might just save your career. don't contact columbia law professor while taking queasy. talk to the your doctor to see if queasy is right for you. greg: night. all right -- [cheers and applause] and last but not least, remember that report suggesting the trump campaign colluded with russia using electronic surveillance? was that true, james comey? >> the challenge, and i'm not picking on reporters, about writing stories about classified
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information is the people talking about often don't really know what's going on, and those of us who actually know what's going on are not talking about it, and we don't call the press to say, hey, you got this thing wrong about this sensitive topic. we just have to leave it there. greg: or leak it! [laughter] anyway, that's my list. believe me, it's not easy to take hours of complex testimony and break it down to just the main points. i dare anyone to do a better job. >> no collusion, no obstruction. he's a leaker. [laughter] greg: i stand corrected! [cheers and applause] all right. all right, all right, all right. [applause] all right, let's welcome, let's welcome tonight's guests. he is bright and funny like a glowworm that slides up your pant leg. author of the great new book mean dads for a better america -- i bought it -- comedian tom shah -- shah lube.
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she's so bright, she never needs a reading light, emily cam pan owe. [applause] she's as sassy as i am gassy. coh of of of of -- katherine timpf. [applause] and lake michigan is his bathtub. former bodyguard and my massive sidekick, tyrus. [cheers and applause] all right are. emily, you are the lawyer here. and i, so i have to ask you, could it be that, in fact, it's comey that's in trouble now? because of the leak and stuff? he leaked government -- isn't that government material? i'm stupid. >> yes. no, you're not of d. greg: don't laugh. [laughter] >> absolutely. specifically, there's a code, it's 18usc641, it specifically prohibits conveying, among other things, documents and records,
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any type of record off the property and to anything without authority. and he faces up to ten years in jail for this. greg: wow. >> it's totally serious. and regardless of the legal definition of leak which i support you if you try to define that, the reality is he broke that code by, without authority, bringing those documents -- it doesn't matter if it was his own record, it's a government record, and it's a thing of value for the united states. >> what if it's just his diary though and he wakes up in the middle of the night and writes a diary? >> it's one thing if he writes in a book by his bed, but this was on a government computer, and it was about a government meeting. and, remember, it's a thing of value. so everything has a kind of traceable back play to his conversation with trump and to his position as then head of the fbi. so it matters, and they're going to pursue it. they mentioned it today, they're totally pursuing it. greg: tom, when you watched it, didn't you find comey to be an
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interesting character? like it was almost like he was from an aaron sorkin tv show -- >> absolutely. greg: he was designed to be in a tv drama that the media loves. >> i loved the way he closed his testimony. mary, do you know me, mary? i'll throw a lasso around the moon. merry christmas, mr. potter! [laughter] [cheers and applause] was that him? greg: i think that was him. is that jimmy stewart? >> well, if you've got to ask -- [laughter] greg: what was your take home from the comey -- >> why was he so scared all the time? greg: exactly. >> i was really worried when i had to go alone in the office with the president. i don't know why. what's he so scared about? my favorite question was from marco rubio who said why didn't you speak up? well, good idea, i guess i should have done that. [laughter] greg: i guess he's so worried that he's so intimidated by the president.
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it's not that he never worked for two other presidents. trump is probably, you know, i've talked to him briefly, i know that, like, if you say, hey, i can't do that, he's like, okay. i had to ask. he always asks questions that, like, nobody's asked before just to see if it happens. he might get somewhere with that. all right, tyrus. my theory is that comey was a victim of new management. this has happened to me, somebody comes in, they reevaluate and i'm gone. i have a little box with all my stuff in it. >> oh. yeah, that's me and impact wrestling too. honestly, man, i guess you guys haven't talked to the police a lot in your lifetime. [laughter] when the guy's being really coy and acting afraid and kind of throwing things up there for you and you come back aggressive, that means the bad cop's coming. and comey did a very good playing good cop in this whole thing. he's basically throwing volleyballs up for our president to hang himself with -- greg: really? >> he says something, don't tweet. you're good.
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but then he's got to come in and say now he's proven -- now he says he'll testify under oath. greg: right. >> now he's boxed in with the tape, because comey's like, gee, i hope there's a tape. well, i'll let you know if there's a tape. now, if you look at that, who's lying? this guy's under oath saying i hope there's a tape, and our president got sucked into that. the only person that should be talking is his lawyer. greg: if he hadn't tweeted about i wonder if there's tapes -- >> we wouldn't be here! knew more tweeting. greg: even though i enjoy it immensely. it makes him the most transparent leader in the world. you know, kat, we work in broadcasting, and this is a prime example of confirmation bias. if you start out seeing trump as evil, this is going to underline your beliefs. if you see him as not evil, then you're going to see that maybe, you know, he's just exactly how -- isn't that how this -- no matter what, no one's minds are changed. >> everybody watched this hearing, and they're so happy
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for their guy, whoever their guy was. [laughter] greg: yeah. >> the conservatives are insane, trump is totally toast after this, and people are saying, oh, liberals are insane, this vindicates him totally. we've lost this thing now where it's possible to be in the middle whatsoever. greg: yeah. >> the collusion kind of takes that apart a little bit, especially if trump was pushing to investigate. but the obstruction, again, really hard to meet that definition. but still, it's weird when you think about the fact this really is all kind of trump's fault. if he would have -- greg: we elected a bull in a china shop, and this is the broken dishes. this is it. and all these hearings are is a guy coming up with a broom going, oh, he broke another one. [laughter] but it's not illegal! >> right, exactly. it's not illegal. greg: you know what? i'll take this if he conquers isis. >> we can all agree it's very entertaining to watch. [laughter] greg: exactly. >> there's no one else i'd rather see give a press conference than trump. on an entertainment level? you're just lying.
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>> i find it disgusting, honestly, i'm tired of looking at it. greg: really? >> on both sides, democrats and republicans. we should be focused on other things in this country. greg: you have a good point. do you have something important? i gotta go. >> do you know the drawing of the old lady but it look like a beautiful lady? when trump speaks, he speaks in those pictures. republicans see the beautiful woman, and democrats see the old hag. [laughter] [applause] greg: no, it's -- >> it's the psychological picture where you think you see a woman's profile, but it's two lamps. greg: every high school book. [laughter] i don't see either, see satan. anyway, later in the show are you getting fat? i am. that and other things we're going to blame trump on. but first, how did the media cover the comey hearings? lordy, i hope there's tape of it. [cheers and applause] how your clothes smell can say at lot about you.
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♪ ♪ greg: so what's the difference between the democratic party and the mainstream media? i don't know, i was hoping you did. [laughter] take a look at media's reaction
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to comey's testimony. >> atmospherically. big picture, this is still a horrendous day for this president. >> i think what jim comey did was provide more evidence for the case of obstruction by the trump white house without using that legal word. >> the former director of the fbi says possible obstruction of justice by the president is almost certainly on the table. it's one of the big shoes to drop. greg: oh, they look so great together. [laughter] surely, rachel will are agree with me that the big surprising, substantive reveal was about former attorney general of the united states loretta lynch. >> the big, surprising, substantive reveal today was about the current attorney general of the united states, jeff sessions. greg: okay. i guess. we watched two different things. anyway, now i can predict how her show's going to be for the
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next month. but there was one chap who realized the collusion conspiracy theory seemed to end on thursday. >> the assumption of the critics of the president of his pursuers, you might say, is that somewhere along the line in the last year the president had something to do with colluding with the russians. it came apart this morning with that theory. where's the "there" there? greg: where is the "there" there? where is the there there there? no one ever says that. there cubed. anyway, how about cnn? who puts 65 people on the air at the same time. [inaudible conversations] [laughter] greg: sounds balanced to me. my god. [laughter] i turned that on, tom, sometimes just to make some noise, like to square, you know, prowlers. >> it remind me remember that old commercial where they had,
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like, 11 cats and 10 bowls. [laughter] they should have one less commentator and see who gets pushed -- greg: musical commentators. they should all start each panel with one short chair, and all the panelists have to run around, and don lemon's screaming. thoughts on the media? >> listen, i got -- did you see my leg when he was talking, chris matthews? i was thrilled. greg: yeah. [laughter] >> i can't believe he admitted that -- greg: yes. >> -- the collusion is an illusion! imrg dwrg ooh, nicely done. collusion is an illusion. what do you think, emily? what do you think of the press? >> i feel like it reminds me of during the actual election when people would go out on streets and take surveys and then switch which candidate was the one who said that policy. and people automatically would be, oh, i hate that policy. it would actually be the opposite driver. no matter what we put out there, like you said earlier, it didn't matter. they were going to be all over it and.
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and i think it'sly dicking louse that we're not seeing ownership of it. greg: what do you think, kat? >> everyone does it though. if there were loretta lynch and obama and saying i hope you can get this hillary thing go, i don't think we'll be sitting here going what -- greg: i know i would, kat. >> fair and balanced all the time. but, i mean, if you have trump -- comey saying that you have trump saying, yeah, investigate this, then maybe he probably, you know d. greg: right. >> -- didn't do anything wrong. but then again, both sides are saying that comey's telling the truth when it helps them but he's such a liar when it hurts them. man, we all need to -- greg: chill out? >> -- look at things objectively. >> there's so many armchair quarterbacks. every with -- every one of those hosts and analysts have become a lawyer. >> i googled it, totally got it now. greg: everybody says as a former prosecutor.
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tyrus, as -- >> armchair, i've been asking for an armchair, every week i get this. why is it that i can't get an armchair? greg: it's not going to happen. >> she got a show, you got a show, all i want is an armchair! [cheers and applause] hashtag armchair. greg: well, you know why. >> yeah. i do. [laughter] greg: it's because that's the outnumbered chair. >> the left-out chair. greg: what do you think about the media? >> i don't anymore. [laughter] i don't. if i want to look for stuff to make fun of donald trump, i'd watch cnn, msnbc, if i wanted tough to support trump, i'd watch us. everyone has their own stake in the game right now, so the truth is where in the mid -- somewhere in the middle. i think cnn has put so much emphasis on finding something with this russian thing, and there's just not a lot to it. greg: right. >> and like i said, we have mueller's doing his thing, and they're eventually going to come out.
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even then when he says it's suspicious but there's nothing -- >> they set the bar at watergate though. if you set it that high, it's going to end up looking like nothing. so liberal media is partially to blame for that. greg: exactly. they're hypnotized by their own bias. >> unless you've got trump and putin sitting together pushing buttons -- greg: with hookers on their lap. >> yes. greg: trump is not like them. the media really liked president obama because they were like each other. they can't -- like, obama is like the cool professor and trump is like your scary boss, and they just never can get over that. they never will. all right, up next, terror strikes the u.k. who needs horror movies when you've got isis? [applause] (work sfx)
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could be preventedrrent with the right steps. and take it from me, every step counts. a bayer aspirin regimen is one of those steps in helping prevent another stroke. be sure to talk to your doctor before you begin an aspirin regimen. ♪ ♪ >> live from america's news hearts, a member of president trump's cabinet preparing to testify before congress on the russia investigations next week. attorney general jeff sessions will take questions from members of the senate intelligence committee which is investigating russian meddling in the 2016 presidential election. the a.g. says in a letter he agreed to testify on tuesday to answer questions raised by the recent testimony of former fbi director james comey. sessions recused himself from the russia investigation about three months ago. and americans mourning the death of television icon adam west. he's perhaps best known for his role in the campy tv series batman. that show aired from 1966-1968.
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west continued to appear in tv and movies after that show ended. he died friday after a brief battle with leukemia. adam west was 88. i'm mary ann rafferty, now back to the greg gut fed show. for your latest headlines, go to ♪ ♪ greg: now, i used to love monster movies, mummies, wear wolves, vampires, leave garrett. [laughter] at least the audience knows that. i couldn't get enough. but what i really loved were zombies. i really loved zombie films, especially the early ones where they moved really slow, because even if you could outrun them, they were still scary because sooner or later they would catch up to you just like puberty. then later modern zombie movies had corpses that picked up the pace. the speed made them extra scary. remember the remake of dawn of the dead 2004? holy crap! but then something happened to
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me. maybe 15 years ago i stopped liking zombie films. it was like i don't need these anymore. i don't need that thrill anymore. and now i know why. who needs zombie movies when you have islamic extremism? think about it. how is isis any different from a band of zombies? they're dead inside, consumed by a virus that leaves them ravenous for the flesh of human misery. it's why i don't understand the appeal of the walking dead. islamic extremism is the walking dead. actually, they're worse. the walking dead, they're a classic, slow zombie. extremists are the zombies from 28 days later. you can see it in the footage from last week's attack in london bridge or in iran. they move fast, trying to inflict as much harm as possible. these are not human beings, they're zombies. so imagine them as actual zombies. divorce their actions from doctrine, and you know what the right response is.
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you have to find them ask kill the so many -- and kill the zombies, period. except maybe -- [cheers and applause] except maybe in europe they'll have a zombie rights march. [laughter] and perhaps a documentary called the zombie next door. [laughter] after all, one of the attackers from last week was known by police and was in a documentary called the jihadis next door. how does that happen? how can we know something lurks among us that wants to kill us and still let it roam free? maybe it's because the incentive isn't to stop them, but stop you. it's the fear of being branded a racist. the scarlet letter that trumps all scarlet letters. blow a whistle on a terrorist, you might be a hero. if you're wrong, you're islamophobic. so our actions are driven by preservation of reputation. it doesn't help that the media often conflates folks who offer solutions to fighting terrorism with bigotry. the result, you have more terror attacks.
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no wonder we see the same zombie movie over and over again. we're green lighting the sequels. [cheers and applause] tyrus, to me, life is a horror movie. >> oh, it is, bro. it really is. life is a horror movie, straight up. and everyone dies. [laughter] greg: thank you, that's true. >> that was somber, right? you're 100% right. unfortunately, until more terrible things happen from guys that have been spotted four and five times, been turned in it'll be like, i'll just be that bigot and tell on your ass. [laughter] oh, tyrus, you're an islamic hater because you turned this guy in. okay. greg: yeah. >> i'm not getting blown up tonight, so i'm cool with that. [laughter] it needs to be -- but, unfortunately, it's going to take, i mean, that guy -- he had a tv show. talking about what he was going to do. as soon as he gets a chance to do it, he's in the camera like
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this, i'm coming for you. everyone's like, well, he has a right to say what he wants to say. [bleep] [applause] greg: emily, how will we solve this problem if the population is scared of coming forward? >> the solidarity that everyone feels with these infinite victims, unfortunately, it needs to somehow be galvanized, and i don't understand why it's not being galvanized into support for this proactive attack on isis, for economic and diplomatic and military and at all levels, fronts existence isis. i don't understand how, again, the solidarity is not automatically transferred into that kind of inertia and that support. and i also don't understand why as we and many people, you know, consider this globe our home and, oh, borders are ephemeral, well, then why isn't an attack in the u.k. an attack on us? how close does it have to get until it's our home base? from what i'm hearing,
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especially from the left, then that's your home too. so why aren't we galvanized? greg: yeah, that's true. what do you think, kat? >> well, there's a lot of things that make us different than europe. we have a better screening system, muslims integrate better here. there's a huge problem with the political correctness type thing. something i wondered, they were wearing fake suicide vests, right? was he wearing it in the van he was driving? because i know if i'm in an uber and i think it's a suicide vest, i'd be like, hey, i think this dude has a suicide vest on. if i think i might die, then i'm a little bit more worried about not dying, and i don't understand how that's not more of a thing. greg: yeah, that's true. tom, you can't be tolerant when you're dead. >> yeah. it's true, greg. i still haven't gotten over the fact this this is the "outnumbered" couch? [laughter] greg: yes. >> does your show have a budget? greg: everything here is being used by another show, including my pants. [laughter]
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these are lou dobbs' slacks that i'm wearing. [laughter] >> slack shorts. >> it's true, i loved your monologue, greg. and i can't watch drama shows that involve terrorism, because increasingly they feel they have to show both sides. greg: right. >> i can't watch it! greg: i hear mummy movie has this whole thing about how it's the west that's at a fault, and i'm so tired of it. it always turns out, oh, no, it's a case of mistaken identity. the law and order twins, oh, it's not really that guy, it's the rich white architect who did it. it's always the architect. later in the show, is the president to blame for your weight gain? but first, trump dumps the paris accord and the world freaks out except for one guy. i'll talk to him next. [cheers and applause] why do we make grills?
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♪ >> the united states will withdraw -- [applause] from the paris climate accord. greg: he floored the accord. reaction is still pouring in from around the world following the the president's announcement the u.s. would withdraw from the paris climb accord. here's msnbc's brian williams. >> a dark speech. and as you go through it, more like four or five dark speeches. greg: cnn. >> it's a very dramatic, symbolic blow. as i said, the united states has almost resigned from its role as leading the world. greg: a young chicago resident. [laughter] dan rather. >> tsa momentous moment and a very ominous moment. history is going to punish
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donald trump for this decision. and the question is how much -- [inaudible] greg: a concerned french citizen. >> no, no, no, no, no. [laughter] no no, no, no, no, no. greg: a brooklyn resident. >> no! [laughter] no! greg: a local law enforcement officer. >> no! greg: and a gentleman from the south pacific. but there is one man on this earth who thinks donald trump was right to get out of this deal, and he's here with me right now, the president of copenhagen -- [cheers and applause] all right.
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was, was mr. trump right to get out of this particular deal? >> yes. fundamentally, it would have done almost nothing for climate, and it would have been incredibly costly. is so getting -- so getting out doesn't do anything bad, but it saves us a lot of money. so, absolutely. but we do need another way to tackle global warming. greg: yeah, and that's -- i find your -- you have solutions. i've read a lott of your stuff, and i edger you if -- urge you, read up on it. go to prager-u. you've got a little segment up there that explains this stuff. you're about prioritizing. >> exactly. greg: you look and you say if we took all this money, this is what we could do x we could solve almost every world problem. >> i mean, there's a number of things we need to recognize. first, you know, we're going to spend on paris about a trillion to $2 trillion a year for the rest of the century. and if we did that, if we did everything we promised in paris, we would reduce temperatures by the end of the century by about
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0.3 degrees fahrenheit. in a century. we wouldn't be able to tell the difference. that's not really a solution, that's just wasting money. and, of course, $100 trillion can solve pretty much everything else. if you ask most people in the world what to they care about, not surprisingly they would like their kids to stop dying from easily-curable infectious diseases, get food, education, simple stuff. and we know how to do it. and then, of course, we should also fix global warming, but we should fix it smartly. greg: yeah. you know, it's interesting, president obama and others have said if you pulled out of this accord, you're endangering children. i would argue that by skipping the priorities and spending $100 trillion, all of those things that you mentioned actually put more people at harm. so you could tell the person who's saying i'm for the accord, you're killing children! that's what i would do. >> and there's, certainly, i think you can say it more diplomatically. greg: you know me. [laughter] >> but basically, point out, look, wouldn't you actually want
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to save real kids right now instead of helping them incredibly ineffectively in a hundred years? the real argument is bring people back and say how are you going to solve this problem. people think solar and wind is going to take over anytime soon, and i don't know if you know al gore's own climate adviser, jim hanson, says if you believe that, that's a little bit like believing in the easter bunny or the tooth fairy. right now the world gets 0.6% of its energy from solar and wind and a quarter of a century from now we'll get less than 3%. it's trivial for the next 25 years. now, it may solve the problem in the long run, but that's why we need to invest a lot more in research and development in green energy. greg: exactly. do you feel that privatee probao figure this out before the government steps in? do you need both? >> yes. one thing you need to remember, it's really hard to be a private company to invest in stuff that's only going to work in 25
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or 40 years because once it starts working, your patent has run out. greg: that's true. >> that's why we have people working on a cure for cancer in public universities. we want to fund stuff that eventually will be to the advantage of mankind, but we should do it smartly. that's what bill gates actually has said. greg: right. >> i'm going to spend a lot more money on research and development so that we'll get green energy to be so cheap that everybody will want it rather than we have to push -- greg: are you a nuke guy? do you like nuclear power? >> so nuclear, environmentalists -- it has some benefits, certainly, if you look at germany just shut down all their nuclear power plants because they were, i don't know, worried about a tsunami? what the hell? [laughter] they've basically already paid for them. they have to decommission them, right now they were just providing energy incredibly cheaply. that's stupid. but building new ones turn out to be expensive. greg: how do you feel about the hysterical response?
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how can we reach consensus when one side says the other side is so evil? >> yeah. it's really, really hard to have this conversation when some people are saying this is the end of the world, and some others say it's not happening. but, of course, the real point is the u.n. climate panel tells us in the 2070s if we don't do anything, the of global warming will be somewhere between 0.2-2% of gdp. it's a problem. like all other problems, we should fix it cooley. greg: you know what the end of the world is? the end of the world. asteroids, buddy. [laughter] >> it's coming. greg: i think so. >> oh, no! greg: i have an asteroid suit that i wear at night. it's basically a shorty rope. that's it. super asteroid guy. all right. thanks, bjorn. copenhagen consensus, go to prager-u, and you'll -- your mind will expand. all right, still ahead, first there was the freshman 15
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♪ ♪ greg: does donald trump fatten your rump? [laughter] as whiny trump haters keep blaming their weight gain on
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him, now the media's trying to back up this stupid claim. they conclude that if studies show people eat more, donald trump should make you eat more because he's so stressful. which brings us to a new segment called -- ♪ ♪ [laughter] greg: yes, it's a false flab! i thought it was clever when i thought of it a week ago. anyway, so-called execs perts -- experts say so-called trump induced stress levels may affect more than weight gain. one biology professor says it could cause evolutionary consequences. yes, trump could permanently alter human genes. professor peter ward says the stress that americans are going through now because of trump is similar to the stress felt by people who have been in combat or abusive relationships, and that leads to permanent evolutionary after-effects. so if dealing with trump is like fighting the taliban or living with a wife beater.
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we went to the professor for further comment. [laughter] >> i used too much. [laughter] greg: well, that was cute. emily, does everybody just need to calm down? >> yes. and this makes sense why hollywood is so skinny, right? everyone there, they have stressless lives, nothing to worry about. it also is interesting to me why all of these people who are kind of clamoring for this, where's the same outrage and the same kind of, you know, focus on what 80% of our medical treatment that is basically treatable on the preventive side? i mean, there's a lot of other things that make you fat. and i love, by the way, stress makes you eat more. no, you make you eat more. stress doesn't make you do anything. it's how you react to it. greg: kat, if stress made you eat more, you'd weigh 500 pounds. [laughter] >> do you think trump going to feel bad about it? oh, no, barbra streisand is saying she's get bigger, i
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better stop everything i'm doing and everything i want for the country. [laughter] if i were trump, i'd be like, damn, i am powerful. [laughter] greg: yes. >> this is amazing, and i am sure that's exactly what he thinks. greg: it's a superpower, tom. i can make you eat more. >> yeah. [laughter] >> what about the professor? trump is altering people's genes. tell me that's not going to go to his head. >> exactly! i'm attarring the whole course of -- altering the whole course of human history. it's not working? >> they should do a marvel comic on this guy. seriously! the superpower to to change genes over time. >> he's going to go give a speech and say, okay, we're going to keep obamacare, i heard barbra streisand gained ten pounds. come on, shut up. >> it'll be a class action. >> you know what? the same scientist f that's his real name, that put these things together, they say people are thick or big-boned or it's genetic. greg: yeah. >> you know, he's not smart, he's special. [laughter] it's the same thing.
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sometimes you're just i chubby and dumb and you eat too much. it has nothing to do with who the hell is president. >> it's true. [applause] [laughter] greg: what drives me crazy is now you don't need research to bolster your point. this was like the stuff that we read, the basic of this article, of this segment are articles that were just like, you know, this could be the case. we don't have any proof. [laughter] >> some experts say. greg: some experts say. also they can make these accusations, but you could make this -- say radical islam based on previous segment, that creates actual stress in your life. so, therefore, if you said radical islam makes people fat, people would say you're crazy, right? but with trump, no, that's legit. >> plus in my experience, stress makes me eat less. i'm too nervous to eat -- greg, you have a nervous stomach, do you not? greg: it's not even part of my body anymore. [laughter] i'm not even sure i have a stomach. i think that somebody took it,
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take on the mainstream. in nissan's midnight edition, available now at america's best sales event. ♪ greg: by the way, go to twitter immediately after tonight's show. we've got a special gift for you, an after-dinner mint for this wonderful meal of a show. i'll tweet out a link to my monologue from last week's show that didn't air on kathy griffin. it's awesome. it should be up there the moment this show ends. but first, tom's got a new book out that i've actually read. tom, why should everybody buy this book? >> well, i look back at the '70s, greg, and dads were meaner, moms were tougher, bullies were rougher, but somehow we turned out okay, right? greg: did we? >> i think we did. greg: i don't know that you did.
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>> look, you guys have a mean dad? i bet you did, right? [laughter] [cheers and applause] greg: tyrus had the worst dad. >> he was invisible. [laughter] >> no, i was scared of my dad, and, you know, i laugh about it and we tell stories about it in the book. my mom was tough too. she would give me the old lessons like punch him back. so i punched him back. greg: what you saying is when you meet bullies, it's not because people should bully, a bully teaches you to fight back. >> that's right. when we have to interact with people at work like you, greg, sometimes people bully you at work. greg: oh, i know, i felt that. dobbs. [laughter] i walk down the hall, the things dobbs does to me. >> it helped me. it helped me be an adult, and i think we can learn something from our mean dads. greg: that's beautiful. i actually read the book, and it's compulsive. i kept reading it, and it speaks to me because i'm a '70s kid. it's just a fun book. i urge everybody to purchase in this immediately.
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all right! thanks to tom, emily -- [cheers and applause] kat, tyrus, dr. bjorn, our studio audience. i'm greg gutfeld. i love you, america. and you. not you! [cheers and applause] jesse: "watters world" is on. tonight ... >> the administration then chose to defame me and more importantly the f.b.i., by saying the organization was in disarray, poorly led, and the workforce lost confidence in its leader. those were lies, plain and simple. i asked a friend of mine to share the memo. >> my only goal was to make sure he was laid to rest with honor. that honor has been insulted. only


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