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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  August 6, 2017 1:00am-2:00am PDT

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♪ >> thank god there is nothing to talk about on saturday. >> will saturday bring? >> one hell of a week smacks what we call this week? greg: does that make you sick? it did, didn't it? there is a cure. >> it could happen to anyone. you find yourself listening to their self-congratulatory rhetoric. >> what will be say to her children about this? >> you get headaches and nausea. >> i know you never watched the
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show, donald, but whatever you are watching is making you crazy. >> it's called morning joe sickness. >> i used to throw up every morning and i had no idea why. >> there is hope with. [inaudible] this uses a highly advanced laser technology to stop the social climbers from penetrating your ear holes so you can go about your day as nature intended. >> before i use to suffer through morning joe sickness but not anymore. thanks. >> if you can't afford a prescription there's an easy to use over-the-counter solution. ask your doctor today. [cheering] greg: here is a question.
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have you seen any russians in west virginia or ohio or pennsylvania? >> are there any russians here tonight. we didn't win because of russia. we won because of you. that i can tell you. greg: every reporter should listen to that especially the cheers. [cheering] greg: what does that tell you? it tells you that they don't give a rats ass about russia. if you oust a president over russia, you will deal with the flip side of the cheers which looks like this. i don't want those people to get
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angry. the big reveal at that rally on thursday was this. >> today i will tell you as west virginians i can't help you anymore being a democrat governor. tomorrow i will be changing my registration to republican. greg: hold on, hold on. i want to see that again. can we have a spot shadow? >> today i tell you as west virginians, today i tell you as west virginians. greg: from now on that is how i am putting my add-on. that democrat governor became a republican but was this a surprise? a billionaire cole baron turned republican? it's a shocking to find out that old rich guy from monopoly is a banker. [laughter] did you think he worked for
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peta? republicans scored another governor and it's like getting a free upgrade without spending a dime. amazing democrats keep losing elections even when there are no elections to lose. [laughter] the democratic party is like the guy who falls asleep at the bus stop in wakes up completely naked with his eyebrows shaved and a weenie drawn on his four head. [laughter] it happened once. yet, the media obsesses over weeks. >> is extraordinary to see these and try her transcript that we should keep in mind as we talk that it's coming straight from white house aides. >> here's an inside look on how trump handles even the strongest us allies to threats and insults. >> trump says you have pretty tough hombres in mexico that you may need help with. >> i don't know why he does that. greg: what a bunch of ninnies. [laughter] they are old words and a
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president who portrayed those words differently. so what? we always describe exchanges in a better light. that is what we do. for example, yesterday i asked lou dobbs out for lunch and i recall him telling me that he loved to go and it's one of the few things in life that brings him joy. maybe he remembers it differently. reporter: greg, let me be clear. do not call me ever again or i will immediately notify security. also, stop sleeping in my yard and stop sending me those nude pictures. greg: lou. so, the leaks prompted some strong words. >> i have this warning for would be leakers, don't do it. [laughter] greg: somehow i am not quaking in my boots. i think we need something harsher.
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greg: yes, if you can't talk privately to world leaders you can't govern. maybe that is the point, to make it impossible for trump to govern. again, get rid of trump, you'll have to deal with this. there are two funds going on right now and there's one group in media hunting for rabbit conversations, gif, words basically and there's another group, let's call them you focus on bigger game, isis, economy, job regulations, judges. those are the whales, not the rabbits. those are the deeds, not the words. my theory, trump is flawed and it's no secret but millions
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except his paws because they believe he is a patriot, they accept his blemishes because he loves his country which may be why, when trump says bad, those who slam him look worse. they are outraged, drenched in moralism, turned small stuff into grave concerns, missing what impacts our daily lives. hombres, zero my god, hombres. they see rabbits and think they are whales. we know better. if isis is ruined, do i care if trump stories are loosely based? hell, no. his stories are like obama's girlfriends, composites. [laughter] remember that? the media chases rabbits and misses the whales. anthony scarramucci resigned lasting as long as that sore i got on my lip at club med. [laughter] there is a new measurement. anything that takes five days to clear up, a mooch. [laughter] don't worry about him. he will land on his hair.
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his exit is the rabbits, what the exit revealed is the whale. it's an establishment of order, chain of command, the net is in place. he may have lost mooch but he got general kelly. at week's end, let's take stock. isis is being destroyed, the va got a new healthcare system, 209,000 new jobs, the stock market is climbing as your 4o1k, the pairs accord are still gone, course which is still here, general kelly is steering the ship and we scored an extra governor. [cheering] this still is getting done given all the animosity. trump has more enemies than fox news. how is that possible? it's not so much deep state as it is the page. all in all, a good six months even if it felt like six years. [cheering]
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greg: let's welcome tonight's guest. he's a wise that i will come to him for advice, author, walter kirk. [cheering] his dimples run as deep as his intellect, creator and host of the room and report, debris been. [cheering] her laundry detergent is the opposite of cheer, cohost a fox news specialist kat tim. [cheering] the great wall of china is the belt to his bathrobe, former bodyguard, massive psychic, tyrus. [cheering] greg: walter, where do you want, take about the leaks, you want to check for the week -- >> take a second to talk about steven muller. can we do it now? greg: will come back to that. >> okay then i'll talk about this.
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i think that you have it exactly right. trump has been saying look over here and he's been governing over here and every six months people will look up and see this country has changed and will be talking about russia on the other side. i will take that deal. greg: exactly. look at the shiny boggle and the economy is doing great. dave, what you make of this? >> i've been on the show a couple times and each time i say it can't get dumber. [laughter] i have officially thrown that commentary out the window. it has done dumber and it will keep getting dumber. the media can't stop. they are addicted and were in trouble. greg: yeah, yeah. we can't let go. they can't let go, kat. do you think there's legitimate concerns? are they so emotionally tied to a trump that they can figure out
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a way out? >> i think it's both. there are legitimate concerns but i think they wake up every day saying how can i get trump and was a negative story. instead of getting mad it's better when he does the funny, petty stuff like that rally where he literally was brought on to hold a rally for the skype becoming a republican and it's like when you go through a breakup and post these pictures with your new, hot guy and you don't have to know him, by the way, you can ask a guy that is good-looking. i've heard of people doing that to make other people jealous. it was like that on steroids and then more steroids. that was funny. greg: i like, kat, how you bring something back to a tortured part of a relationship you might have been in. >> just like this person i know. all mine are very healthy. greg: that eliminates you because you don't know yourself. tyrus, what is the big story this week from your perspective in this trump world? >> some punk ass leakers.
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that's what they are. you're trying to embarrass the president and if you listen to me negotiate find a new car i was in the exact same conversation. listen, there are hombres everywhere and i need this and he's making deals and talking to a guy whose english is a second language so he threw in some spanish and built, lottery. he said andre, he didn't say whatever the cuss word is in spanish, he was trying to talk to them. if you took a letter or text you wrote me, i could read that a different ways to make it sound negative. greg: that is true. the problem with the transcript is there is no tone. trump is a salesman. that's what he does. he talks to people. >> he was talking to them in that one line they go to he was talking to the -- i don't like australia, i've been there three times and they will be poor. greg: do you know who loves this company? >> he's american, right? and he's a murdoch?
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[laughter] that's neither here nor there but my point is he was making a point, he said it was easier to talk to vladimir putin and you're supposed to be my ally. he said he's like talking to. he is making a point. greg: tyrus' last name is murdoch. >> spoiler alert. i've been in hiding behind it was nepotism. coming up, we have a lot to talk about. how badly does the white house steve muller and steve acosta, pocket protectors went blind. next. constipated? trust #1 doctor recommended dulcolax. use dulcolax tablets for gentle dependable relief. suppositories for relief in minutes. and dulcoease for comfortable relief of hard stools. dulcolax. designed for dependable relief.
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and happ live-streat the airport.e sport binge dvr'd shows while painting your toes.
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on demand laughs during long bubble baths. tv on every screen is awesome. the xfinity stream app. all your tv at home. the most on demand your entire dvr. top networks. and live sports on the go. included with xfinity tv. xfinity, the future of awesome. greg: he brought the boom to the briefing room. this week, steven muller, discuss the plan for reducing legal immigration which would let people enter the country and that didn't sit well with cnn jim acosta and muller let him have it. >> this whole notion that they could have to learn english before they get to the united states, are we only going to bring in people from australia
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and great britain? >> i can honestly say i am shocked at your statement. that you think only people from great britain and australia with no english. it reveals your cosmopolitan bias to a shocking degree that in your mind -- this is an amazing moment. you think only people from great britain and australia would speak english is so insulting to millions of hard-working immigrants who do speak english from all over the world -- have you honestly never met an immigrant? is that your personal experience? but that is not what you said. it shows your cosmopolitan bias. i want to say -- that is one of the most outrageous, insulting, ignorant and foolish things you have ever said. [laughter] greg: by the way, cosmopolitan
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bias is also the name of my jazz band. costa later went off for the white house. >> i think at times this white house has an unhealthy fixation on what i call the 3m's, mexicans, muslims, media. their policies tend to be crafted around bashing one of those three groups and we see it time and again. greg: i don't know about you but i would love to see a rematch. i can already imagine the promo. >> sunday, sunday, sunday. get ready for the makers present the white house rumble extravaganza. live from the briefing room, jim acosta versus the joker, smoker, steven muller. unscripted, totally unpredictable and the first 100 people arrive get a free. [inaudible] we will sell you the whole seat
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but you only need. [inaudible] [cheering] greg: they will sell you the whole seat but you only need the edge. probably the line of the night, so far. you want to talk about this in the last walk, go to it. >> it's mayweather and mcgregor with no muscle tone. really, what jim acosta knows about immigration reminds me of what don lemmon thought that the malaysian airliner had disappeared into a black hole knows about astrophysicist. it's like what chris cuomo said that it's illegal to read wikileaks knows about the bill of rights. they all go to cnn university and then they come on tv and -- i don't know. greg: cnn university, that's funny. that's our commercial next week. [laughter] dave, what did you make of this thing? i don't believe that muller was
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serious but he was trolling him. >> i want to retract what i said because i said it can't get worse but it can't get better. they are pulling, that is pepe trolling he stands with the people of dagestan in his mocking. we have entered this time where nothing is real anymore. there is such a lack of reality and they are trolling back -- cnn, to me at this point, it can't -- you just can't. it used to be young and puerile and it could do what it needed to do but now it just can't do it anymore. that's why they have to try so hard but it won't get there. greg: now i have to do a drug add. [applause] tyrus, acosta tried to pretend as though it's racist to only let in the same amount of people that we went in before. >> when they were going at it i
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felt like i was at, con watching someone argue over lord of the rings and star wars mac first of all, it's not about the journey, being a hobbit is hard. are you trying to say that a hobbit couldn't hold a lifesaver? is it because he short and doesn't wear shoes? it was like desperate guys, move on. here was the reason for the thing. our immigration has continued over 40 years and we filled it up and now are making -- it's like everything else in life when he gets to a certain point they make the levels harder just like school, you get the high school, he got a pass an exam to get to college. there are certain rules for things and making things a little tougher or looking for less people who are coming in for a handout because we have a lot of that. the people who come with a skill set. [cheering]
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greg: also mandating some type of system increases their chances for success in the united states. it helps to know the language. i will hire you if you can speak english. well, actually, you don't have to for the work i ask for any more. [laughter] that is terrible what i just said. i don't even know what i meant. kat, steven muller is the perfect hollywood villain. he could lead dc right now and pick up any role he wants. >> absolutely. the way he argues is the way i argue which is effective. you don't necessarily have to believe what you are saying but the essence of it and i'm talking about in my personal life but if you get formative enough to sound good enough the other piece and will believe you or get tired of watching your skit and not talk. you will feel like you have one which is enough oftentimes. [laughter] >> you have to love a cost is the 3m's. muslim, mexican -- he really meant to me.
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[laughter] >> the way that people argue is what it is. i don't like cutting up green cards in half and i have issues with the policy but quoting the poor tired huddled masses as if it's a poem the statue of liberty is the law, statues are the law. i didn't know that was the groundbreaking idea. [applause] greg: maybe they should be. maybe poems should be lost. that's a great comment. some people can't get in and maybe they can stay and help improve their countries and then come. i don't know. just a thought. to come, the president is taking a two and a half week vacation. what is the media going to do? slow impact and easy on the to e
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greg gutfeld show. greg: he's taking a break. the eat well done steak, the vacation is at a new jersey golf up which leaves us with one question. >> what will we do? what can we possibly focus on it is not president trump 17 whole days that's 408 hours, what will we do? should we finish that stack of books we've been meaning to read? should we learn that new recipe?
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should we create world peace? should i finally finish that hole i've been digging in my basement? the one for scott. we will have so much time. anything is possible but the bigger question is what will the media do with no-trump to affect over? we couldn't make up our minds. all right, how much will be will he be trading? with scott. >> who is scott? greg: is a roommate, a flight attendant. didn't go well. >> tyrus alluded to this but people should go out. i feel like no one gets out anymore. drink wine, eat food, go have
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fun. these people have become hysterical blowhards. guess what getting better than taking about trump. greg: is close, though. [laughter] greg: if you have a lot of retreats it is enjoyable. i'm very sad, walter. the bottom line, he will be missed because they adore him. he's part of their life. he is their sex life. >> he is their entire life. if you could see the little webcam on the top of their computer screen when they watch donald trump, it would be horrible. [laughter] what i will be doing? going to rehab. i think everyone will be, too. they will realize their lives are empty and meaningless and they don't know their children. [laughter]
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greg: kat, shouldn't his critics be thrilled he is gone? that three weeks without him being dangerous. he's not messing things up or saying mean things. plus, they can criticize him anyway. they criticize him for taking vacation because he made fun of obama for gulping a lot and i don't care about him golfing and i didn't care about obama gulping and i don't like golf. why? because i am not good at it. that is how i approach life. greg: i never understood golf at all. >> obama wasn't good at it either. >> i cried on a golf course when i was 12 and i've never gone back five i did awful things then. looking for things. chased away by a guy. >> is there something you want to get off your chest? [inaudible conversations] greg: tyrus, what do you think will happen during this the occasion? >> i'm pretty sure -- what will i do?
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i'm going to montana, i'm looking for a ranch. deuces. what i will enjoy is acosta, a ace, he'll be sitting in the bush trump day watch and it appears he went outside and took a breath of fresh air. i guarantee you. he's in his bathrobe watching what appears to be law and order, can't tell if it's criminal intent or sub but he should be doing something else at this time. five i really do think when he comes back i think he should stay away completely because he should make people in the media with him and then when he comes back everyone will be like, it's like my uncle that drives me crazy but i'm glad he's back because he's funny. >> if he disappears, they might have to start reporting. [cheering]
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cnn might not have to do segments on sean spicer saying no to dancing with the stars literally was a segment today. >> i'm bummed about that, personally. i would love to see him on dancing with the stars. >> can you imagine when they find out what's happening in venezuela? investigate that. a full year? >> i read that he's going away and he doesn't like to take vacations but the white house is having air-conditioning installed while he is gone and i realized what he really is doing is escaping for bugs. greg: that would make sense. i would too. >> if there are any bugs while he is on vacation, they will know that the leaks are not him. greg: finally someone said what we were thinking. a big white building and it doesn't make it pretty. coming up, college professor
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says words can do bodily harm. that is stupid, college professor. [cheering]
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greg: sticks and stones may break your bones but words will kill you. it's true. free speech can be physically harmful according to a professor, lisa feldman when the unit new york times suggested that colleges be careful who the invite to speak on campuses because some speech causes stress that can damage your nervous system. i know. she uses milo in annapolis calling his brand of speech noxious and adding there is nothing to be gained by debating him except maybe a debate, you moron. thankfully -- tucker carlson, you might know him, invited the
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professor on his show and he asked her who gets to decide what speech is dangerous. a bear in mind, were giving you the short answer here. >> a reasonable person, is fearful for their own safety or the safety of someone else. that classifies hateful speech. >> how do you suffer a reasonable person? hold on. maybe i feel intimidated by you right now. i think i'm a reasonable person. should be consign you to the hate speech been pushed back what does that even mean? >> original person is a concept in the us law. it's a concept that is used by judges and lawyers and other legal actors to make decisions. >> you have 30 seconds, define it. >> an average person is a reasonable person. [laughter] greg: the best thing about all of that is tucker carlson space
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[i said it before that is like a dog staring at a tumbling dryer. he's like this. the whole time. it's amazing. it's like a work of art. the only person on tv that actually listens to the person. you ever notice that? he's like -- kat, you cover a lot of campus stories. do you think words cause stress? >> sure, i guess. there are words that can be stressful, language can be stressful. what is more stressful is being in north korea where you're not allowed to say what you want without fear of being arrested. come on. why would you want to give up free speech because sometimes someone said something annoying or distressing. it's not a fear trait. if you think it is, and if you want, go to north korea. greg: tyrus -- [cheering] greg: this woman is so clueless
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that she is unaware that her argument can be used against her which is exactly what tucker did back i was waiting for tucker to quote scooby doo. (what's a reasonable person? the average person. have you met an average person? thank you for supporting, tyrus, underneath your seat you'll see a bat, do the video you do with anyone that disagrees with you. that's might be possibly inciting violence. if you say something i don't like, you'll hurt my feelings. new house rule, no one to speak. [laughter] you hurt my feelings. [laughter] greg: i'm scared of you, though. walter, tyrus has a point that if we went by hurt feelings, it would be total censorship. >> she's making the argument that words equal stress equal violence. i will attempt to take down
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tyrus with words. greg: you get to use your fist, hands,. >> but i get to use bowels. [laughter] who would win that? skype that's a good point. what you make of this? >> words unless someone is literally punching you in the face, that's it. feeling is nothing to do with this. there is no such thing as hate speech. there are words that they are using to manipulate our minds. hate speech is not real and guess what in america you are guaranteed the right to freedom, not the right to not be offended. if you'll be offended sometimes. [applause] five before we go, last week, this may be made up because this came from lena dunham. [laughter] but everyone is saying there's
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no evidence of this but she claimed she overheard a conversation between the flight attendants at a terminal in jfk and she didn't like the conversation. she said it was transferred back but instead of approaching the flight attendant, she went on twitter to talk to the airline. she basically thanks she marked on these flight attendants of which the airlines have never been able to track. she justified this behavior which is secret police behavior and she went to their employers, their employers, to complain about a conversation she wasn't even a part of because she overheard that nosy person. she's not even -- it's disgusting. the reason why she did this was to raise awareness and make people better. no, it was attention seeking. she's a sick person. >> if she wants to raise awareness, their right there. talk to them. >> she didn't want to raise awareness. five she wanted attention.
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>> i like to take back what i said. lena dunham has hate speech. >> enough said. greg: up next, left complain that aren't enough women in dunkirk. shut up,
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hey you've gotta see this. c'mon. no. alright, see you down there. mmm, fine. okay, what do we got? okay, watch this. do the thing we talked about. what do we say? it's going to be great. watch. remember what we were just saying? go irish! see that? yes! i'm gonna just go back to doing what i was doing. find your awesome with the xfinity x1 voice remote.
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greg: i can't help but smirk over the feminist jerk did dunkirk. it's a world war two story about the soldiers trapped on the beaches of dunkirk and the rescued soldiers were from france, great britain, belgian and the netherlands. some reviewers say it's about a film about white guys. the fact that there are only a couple of women in no lead actors of color may rub some the wrong way. may -- marie claire magazine. dunkirk feels like an excuse for men to celebrate maleness and don't they get to do that enough already? celebrating maleness remembering the heroic men to save the world from nazi domination and actually, no, marie claire, we don't do that enough. for the sake of argument. let's do it their way and make a more balanced cast with bridesmaids be better if half of
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them were men? a league of their own without an all girl baseball team but i wonder if lou dobbs would've been better in the madonna role? i still think joe campbell would've been bed as the shark in jaws. luckily, moviegoers made dunkirk the number one in its first two weekends in theaters meaning more people pay to see a tale of heroism then the emoji. my faith in humanity is restored. dave, when you see dunkirk number one, does that mean the pendulum is swinging the other way? >> it actually is a good sign. the fact that white heterosexuals gendered men can get jobs is important. you people have been oppressed for too long. of course, it is so stupid. feminism used to be about the quality and opportunity and now it's about hysterical screaming about movies that are historical
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fact. would it have made more sense if half women would've stormed the beaches and the trans people storming the beaches and with limp and -- come on. [cheering] greg: don't forget our animal friends. our animal friends should have been there too. walter, should we change history? so that they don't feel micro ingress by reality? >> all i fixated on with this notion of a celebration of maleness. until this, i didn't accept what you would tyrus do under the show. [laughter] i didn't know what a celebration of maleness was. [laughter] >> i go to my room and watch murder she wrote. i'm in bed by 10:00 o'clock. right, greg? greg: and i'm at bed at 10:15. next up, angela lansbury. [laughter]
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mike if that's violence, were about to find out. >> fine, i didn't. i like angela lansbury a lot. greg: did you want to finish your thought. >> i didn't have a thought. it was an outing five kat, you are a woman. does dunkirk avenue? >> yes, i will not rest until every movie is only women. [laughter] that is what is most important to me. i must never see a man on the screen again. i think it's completely normal. we need to rewrite history, george washington was a woman nonamed regina and rewrite it a. this is stupid. this is a historical event that involved men and you go into the movie and it meant. yeah, that is what happened. why is that offensive? >> if it makes them feel better -- back some of the men were crying and scared and not everyone was like -- it was
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something that happened. i'm sorry that most people in real life didn't want to be on the beach. >> you'll see mean girls and think that this is all politics. that is what it's about. >> do you want men showing up at one woman's district what was hurt wonderful woman land? greg: i don't know where it was. >> i wouldn't mind being the one dude on the island. old breeder, tyrus. [inaudible conversations] greg: on a related thought, i would like to do an experiment. identify a dozen social justice warriors, jezebel, people in college or not and track their careers. where do they go to market to people hire these bozos get angry about because no one would hire someone the sensitive? >> lena dunham shows that she has that show girls and it should be guys. >> too many girls and girls five
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>> too many girls and girls five final thoughts, next.
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you won't see these folks at the post office. >> too many girls and girls five final thoughts, next. they have businesses to run. they have passions to pursue. how do they avoid trips to the post office? mail letters, ship packages, all the services of the post office right on your computer. get a 4 week trial, plus $100 in extras including postage and a digital scale. go to and never go to the post office again.
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greg: will see you on monday at 9:00 p.m. eastern and were running out of time. here is your chance to say what you wanted to say. walter. >> well, you can find me on twitter. you can find me at the podcast .com and you can read my last book blood will out about my friendship with a serial killer. greg: it's a great book. you're a great writer. all set up. you know that. >> you know how he spoke slowly and took his time.
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greg: i will have to fly out and do your show among other things. >> i'll put you up with lou dobbs. what you think? greg: fantastic. >> we can celebrate our maleness spread tyrus. >> i'm on the set filming macgyver, season two and i got bullied by an old lady in charge of my makeup. i don't like to wear makeup and she bullied me the entire time complaining about my sweating. it's in atlanta and i'm hot. leave me alone, lady. greg: last word to get. >> i also wear my jacket tight around my waist and someone said i was going to six flags so i took it off and then i lost my jacket. i'm really sad and i miss it and i want to let everyone know that it's okay to live every day like you're going to six flags. [applause] greg: thank you.
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walter, dave, kat and tyrus. -- >> julie banderas is up next. >> president on a vacation. under the shadow of an investigation. and good evening everyone you are watching "fox report". we begin with special counsel robert muller who was reportedly asking the white house to hand over documents on michael flynn. this according to the new york times.the times is also reported investigators want to know whether the turkish government was secretly playing the retired general during the tail end of the campaign. meanwhile the scope of the


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