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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  November 17, 2019 1:00am-2:01am PST

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have time to tell you about it. "the greg gutfeld show" is next. [♪] >> this lawyer's star rose while ripping stormy daniels but fell after he was accused of trying to extort millions from nike in 2019. name? michael avenatti. greg: alex trebek with the win. they had such ambition, such dreams. the first hour for the most part will be entirely adam schiff. it's designed to be a
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blockbuster. >> these hearings will be like the o.j. trial where people took sides very quickly. greg: just like the o.j. trial, and i'm marcia clark. i don't think you will get a thrill up your leg from this. >> i worried about what i heard. i heard a staff person. after i heard of this conversation. what i can do here for you today is tell you what i heard from people. greg: that's what you call a herd of heards. if that was a -- if that is a blockbuster, brian stelker is a gymnast. so we finished the first installment of what i like to
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call -- up schiff's creek. a desperate dolt -- did you hear an ambassador got fired. joint clubbing with lady, that's life. i got fired three times and all i got was drunk. how clueless do you have to be to be shocked by getting fired by a guy who hosted a show in which the catch phrase was "you're fired." maybe that's why she got fired. she never watched county apprentice. it doesn't matter why. now she claims she is intimidated and upset by trump's words. boo-hoo. the last time i checked having an intimidating world leader is kind of a plus. we saw it comingw with schiff in
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charge. it's like giving a backhoe to a drunk teenager and telling him to dig his own grave. you have witnesses who witness nothing and say things based on hearsay based on hearsay. it wasn't a hearing. it was a seance. >> adam schiff gives himself a. he talk before the impeachment hearings. adam, do this right i'll buy an ice cream. don't forget your lunch. my juice box. >> i packed it this morning.
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greg: that's so unnecessary. the magic bean is impeachment, a process look for a crime. the crime of foreign call where one leader with piles of money asks another leader with piles of corruption to investigate corruption before getting the money. all the president is doing is what presidents do. i want something from you, i do something for you. do you want a leader that's that compromised. that's what made this mess backfire under hunter biden. and who does he remind you of? pretty close. pretty close.
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hunter made $50,000 a month as a boob. they are like a director after their movie bombed blaming the audience because they are the director. they take it personally, blaming us for rejecting their nonsense. right, adam? >> and now adam schiff tries to order a pizza. >> what can i get you. >> food please, right away. >> what's your address. >> why do you need that. >> you going to order something or what? >> how did you get this number. >> you called me. >> all right, i will have a charge cheese. greg: it used to be all about that media safe word that's
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supposed to freeze us in our tracks. >> quid pro quo. quid pro quo. nice production values. but that's another way of saying light, leverage. we all use it. it's the engine of daily function. if i ask my assistant to fetch me a gram of goat tranquilizer i don't have to say fetch me a gram of goat tran if -- tranqur else. the paycheck is leverage. it's constant. as we are doing adult foreign policy, trump kept hearing about the anonymous resisters deep inside the white house. they are like rats in the walls. so he had a phone call, not a secret, and heard by many that
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it prompted its own boring miniseries. did he break laws? did he violate a norm? trump's entire presidency is about violating norms. just ask this fella. >> one regular and one highly irregular. the irregular one. both the regular and i are regular. regular, irregular. >> irregular lahr efforts. the irregular lahr channel, irregular lahr channel. the. greg: somebody needs the metamucil. it's fiber time. that was roughage. it's all about giving the finger to the lifers who find trump and his ilk so unseemly.
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that's what impeachment is all about. having mean boss who doesn't give a [bleep] about your feeling. >> adam schiff watches a cat video for the first time. >> adam, you have got to see this cat video. >> there is something wrong with this dog. >> it's a cat. adam have you never seen a cat before? >> cat? is that a spanish word for dog? >> musical cats? everyone knows that one. >> i know that one, the single dog. greg: let's welcome tonight's guest. retired u.s. marine corps joey
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jones. why the long face, rob long. she is good with the word and demand to be heard. host of "sincerely kat" kat timpf. my massive sidekick and host on fax nation, tyrus. joey, what were the hearings about this week? because i don't have a clue? >> what were they about? i think they were about if you have a purple heart you should set policy with ukraine. that's what the democrats were alluding to. tough a purple heart from vietnam or your daddy's today they's daddy served in war.
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it's not about what happened, but why who does or doesn't like it. that being said as the guy in the world with the purple heart respect the man for his service, don't respect the man over the president's idea of policy. so president trump has the ability to set policy on this. even ambassador taylor. it never dawned on him the quid pro quo. he doesn't like the fact that trump was about to rock his boat. greg: i don't have a purple heart, but i have an enlarged one. isn't that better? >> i think it's a normal sized heart. greg: in a small body. >> there we go. greg: that was good comedy. >> it's okay. greg: you used work at "cheers."
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but you have got to admit -- i want it. greg: you have to admit, adam schiff is a godsend to tom shillue. >> shillue, it's the part he was born to play. it's a gigantic mistake. we are watching them look for an answer. you never go to trial for that unless you already have the answer. it looks like they are wasting our time and that's something people don't forgive. kat: it's the biggest waste of time ever, because nobody's mind is change. democrats want trump out, republicans want trump in. that's still the case and i think it will remain the case. lawmakers waste time all the time. this one pisses we off because
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i'm expected to watch it. very boring television. greg: there is stuff democrats do that's boring that we don't have to watch. it's not historical. it's hysterical. all right, tyrus. tyrus: greg: i will be honest with you. you gave me the week to come back with discoveries from what's it called? impeachment? i went to the cayman islands. and i asked around. and everyone was like impeachment? they thought it was asking for a drink. they don't really care. i any joey made the per text --k joey made the perfect point. i watched 3 minutes of ambassador taylor.
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i watched a few minutes of it. and what it came down to we have done things a certain way for a long time and no other president has ever bothered us. this guy is not using us. that's why everything he talked by heard from a guy who heard from a guy because he's not in the game, he's on the sideline. they are saying we are the go-to guys for ukraine and they are not using us so obviously something must be wrong. so the democrats try to jump on that. what's he doing wrong? he's not talking to us. whew! in my neighborhood if i say i heard from a herd. and we are impeaching over this. they are impeaching over this. this is just a really embarrassing time to be an
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american. whenever you talk about america, people say what's going on over there? greg: it's going to continue next week. i can hardly wait. i will be drunk every day. you may run to the bridge now.
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greg: the list of candidates keeps growing and that list keeps on blowing. ballot-pedia. 37 democrats who have filed to run this year. here they are. we are less than three months away from the primaries this is when they should be leaving the race. but more people are coming in. but val patrick, maybe mayor bloomberg and maybe you know who. >> i as i say never never never say never. and i will certainly tell you i am under enormous pressure many, many, many people to think about it. but as of this moment in the studio talking to you, that is not in my plan.
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greg: it's like the rash from summer camp in 1984. it keeps coming back. let's assume there are many, many, many people who want her to jump back in or maybeup one guy named manny. doesn't that mean the dems are not happy with this bunch? it looks like the party is in disarray while the other side is saying hooray. >> together we'll make america wealthy again. we will make america strong again. we'll make america proud again. and we'll make america great
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again. greg: that's some serious action. you know who's sweating today? my corgi. he loves fitness. [♪] hopeless flirt. it was sexy, rob, admit it. hillary, hillary, hillary. >> i just noted. she doesn't not look like tom shillue. two things. one is the idea that she is hearing many, many, many voices, that's scary. someone should check on her.
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she is sitting there alone, what? like that movie sybil where you have multiple personalities. she goes, i'm going to run for president. who are you? the jokes aside. i think there are people who want her. if you were a clinton backer, it's been an expensive thing you bought. you don't buy an expensive car and let it sit in the garage. the sponsors, the guy can't go in the ring. the sponsor will say, put him in the ring. i paid a lot for that. a lot of people give him a lot of money and say you will do it one more time. maybe she is right. questioning * maybe the many, many, many -- greg: maybe the many, many, many voices are all the women in bill
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clinton's black book. kat: hillary clinton hates trump, right? why is she starting to try and talk exactly like him. like many, many, many people are telling you to run? many people are saying is how trump starts off 30% of his sentences. then the savage attacks. she went after tulsi gabbard. but the problem is only trump can be trump. she is so obsessed with him that she is starting to emulate his behaviors. but she is not good at it. she attacks tulsi gabbard and use got way more popular. that's not the way it's supposed to work. it's not the way it worked for me in high school. but it's okay. i don't carry inmore.
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it's okay, erika. greg: knowing product ads, 50% more raisins. but you don't add more fish smell to a fish. kat: i have been doing something wrong. day russ -- tyrus: if i'm the head coach of the democratic party, i have to be drug tested a lot. the good news is for everybody who jumps in, the frontrunner will be excited to greet them and meet them because he doesn't know they haven't been in it. every time someone comes here, he says i am so happy they are here because he doesn't remember
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when they got in. i guess that's the good news, and the frontrunner will welcome you with open arms. greg: that's one less person who's going to vote for them. >> it's all about change the narrative. the democrats want hillary clinton to run. 30 people, we have 30 better people than hillary clinton this time. no one knows that unless you put them up next to her. greg: if she is not the frontrunner she has to compete. if she enters and she is number 7. that's humiliating. more humiliating than monica lewinsky. >> the guy whose in first place doesn't know he's in the race. greg: on that point, more after
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now back to greg gutfeld. greg: shall his career be dead for a smack to the head. the nfl suspended myles garrett. it started when rudolph pulled on garrett's helmet.
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the incident led to a fight on the field, both teams were fined $250,000. that's more than i make in a week. myles garrett apologized to rudolph and called his actions unacceptable. maybe the nfl needs more peacemakers like my goose gary. he's always break up fights. i knew i would be able to use that footage. tyrus: you were on a far for four hours? greg: not by choice. community service. i hear the quarterback started it. tyrus: that quarterback made a lot of bad choices.
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four picks, cost the team the game. he attempted to relationship the helmet off the wrong guy. if you are going to rip the helmet off somebody make sure you are bigger than them before you start a fight. garrett showed him how to relationship a helmet off somebody when he picked his up by his helmet. the quarterback, he started it, tried to finish it. in football, when you lose the helmet it's time to put your hands up and walk away. >> what's picked? tyrus: you have got to [bleep] be kidding. garrett shouldn't have hit him with the helmet.
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but the quarterback did start it. it was retaliation. if you are in the street and two guys on on you and the guy who started it runs at you, it's not assault, it's retaliation. interest's an interception. the quarterback throws the ball to his team. and it's when sob the other team gets it without permission. >> the quarterback realizes he lost. you can see him calling the teach at recess for starting something. when you see him with his helmet off, he looks like he's the skinniest guy, the smallest guy in a bar fight. somehow a broadway dancer found himself in the octagon. oops? my haircut will get messed up.
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greg: it tells you how lucky you are. he's lucky he didn't kill that guy so we can talk about it. if he had bashed the guy's head in. >> it's football. you don't know who started it and when it started. there is some people on the web saying maybe rudolph had his hand stuff in garrett's facemask. that's a stretch. i couldn't tell. but this goes back to one simple thing. these are grown men who are asked to be viciously violent then asked to turn it off. the on place with the worse reputation than congress is the nfl. they don't know what they are from one day to the next. if it's colin kaepernick or things that happen on the field or off the field. they have to make an example out
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of myles garrett now. you have will smith making movies about them not telling us about brain injuries. myles garrett is theville crane an -- isthe villain and the vic. greg: kat i left this to you because this is your expertise. >> i like hockey. i know what icing is. fighting in hockey you basically get a little time out. but what i learned this week is in football you get a really long time out, like maybe a forever type out and you have to pay a lot of money, and then there is the rules for when you are not playing the sport, all of us go to jail. so like when i saw that, this looks like they are not getting
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arrested? you can whack someone? i did it in sports. i whacked him in the head in sports, your honor. greg: up next, genderless drinks. that's just what we need.
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greg: they are making a stink over drinks that are pink. a london restaurant is making gender neutral versions of cocktails to remove the stereotypes that surround them. cosmos are more women and old-fashioned for mens. now both genders can agree to find a better bar. survey showed a fifth of the people in the u.k. don't feel
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comfortable drink certain cocktails because they believe they are for the opposite sex. and 57% will avoid a class if it's too fast masculine or feminine. and others will drink anything you put in front of them because they are british. >> i'm drinking my cold beer. greg: amazing work, preying mantis. do drinks have genders? kat: this is so annoying. i also love that they think what they are doing is breaking stereo types, super woke. they just removed the colors from the drink. i found a cure for acne. put a bag on your head.
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it's not solving the problem. it's anti-woke. they are not saying drink whatever you want. they should be saying if you are so worried about the color of a drink that you won't order it, get over it. that's sad. i don't know why we can't say get over it anymore. anyone here have any drinks, color-related trauma that it just triggered? it's not that serious, get over it. greg: wherever the left goes, fun dies. they are like the anti-fun fire hose. movie, books, sports it's a toxic mold. >> like with a lot of these things, the quality is down. i don't know how you make a clear bourbon. this is the way to sell you cheap stuff. it's a way to increase their
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profit margin. that's what all this stuff is. if you order an expensive bourbon or manhattan. i don't think it many clear. i'm not paying for that. that's zima. greg * one of the most under rated drinks of all time. >> zima was your stage name. greg: when i danced downtown or drinks. >> not just drinks. tyrus: joey's turn. greg: i was just thinking about it -- tyrus: stop stop stop. greg: this is driven by anti-social activists who have no friend. they don't know how to deal with the opposite sex.
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>> first of all, this does nothing for me. if you are a man and you are drinking a cocktail not named whiskey, you are probably too feminine to hang out with my friend. i am just kidding. i drink whatever i want. as a sober guy that's water and coca-cola. if you are a woman and you are drinking whiskey you are the most popular girl at the concert. but if you are a man drinking a cosmopolitan, get out of the room. the world is trying to torch women. they can play soccer or go dance, they can hunt or go ballet. they can drink cosmopolitan's or whiskey. as a man i'm left with jack daniels or i am weak. kat: it's tough. tyrus: the box we live in is
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tough. greg: as someone who enjoys a good banana daiquiri, i'm tired of being marginalized. tyrus: what do we do now, do we wait guy cutly while our drink identifies itself? i don't know whether to use two hand or ask permission before i pick it up? what are you doing? my guinness hasn't declared yet. we have to wait. this is where we are at. when you go through that, when you are a young man becoming a man, we go through our stupid macho phase, oh, i only drink jack. [bleep] it's horrible. when your friends are around, i
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enjoy a pina colada. if i have a cosmopolitan. there is nothing worse than choke on a cosmopolitan glass. this is such a bad thing that that's going on. i will have a cosmopolitan and every one stops. that's not the real world. (employee) enterprise car sales has access to over half a million preowned vehicles, most with tech features like blind spot detection, back up camera... [kristen gasps] (employee) because you never know what might be behind you. (kristen bell) does the sloth come standard? (kristen bell vo) looking to buy? enterprise makes it easy. tthe bad news? our so will this new depend® fit-flex underwear offers your best comfort and protection guaranteed. because, perfect or not, life's better when you're in it.
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[♪] greg: some lawyers fight for justice, some lawyers fight for the constitution. and one of them fights for flavor. his name is spencer sheehan. he says he filed 27 lawsuits against companies for labeling their food as vanilla. he argues vanilla flavored is the accurate description. he's coming after it all. 27 lawsuits or alleged fake vanilla. each suit, 27 seeking $5 million
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each. by my math that's a billion dollars. in my entire life i never cared about anything the way spencer cares about vanilla. check out this chocolate fountain that i made. up pretty sure that wasn't chocolate. i don't think it was a fountain either. i think it was a disorder. someone has to take up his cause if you don't. >> i don't have to. but years ago cook's magazine did a taste test of all vanillas. and the one that all these fancy
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food people did, the one that won was artificial vanilla. they said even though artificial vanilla won, we don't recommend that you use it. greg: he's a hero. kat: purple heart for this guy. tyrus: no, vanilla heart. it sounds like the reason why they were using the fake vanilla is it was cheaper than the tulsa nilla. maybe take the lawsuit a little bit further. how about people stop eating crap that's bad for you. when it says all this crap into it, don't eat it. if you want tulsa nilla, eat something that says real vanilla. he has 31 more flavors to go.
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$5 million? how about everyone gets their eyes cream back free. this will d gets thei their icem back free. greg: when you bring your dress shoes, the universal remote. i don't know how to turn on my tv anymore. there is an on and another thing then it goes on and it says it's not on. kat: the power button. greg: there are two of them. you can never tell which wins on or off. tyrus: sue them for it. >> i agree we have better people to sue. i want to sue the guy who invented the infrared anything public restroom and you are trying to get the towel out.
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i want that person executed. tyrus: i want to sue the guy with the water that opposite comes out when it feels like it. several times i thought this thing is racist. greg: is there anyone you want to sue, kat? >> every one here. i don't care whether you care whether you are eating real or artificial vanilla. i understand that number if you found out it was coming from the body of his dead islandhood dog. buislandhood with. look at me, baby, i look great.
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>> things are all right. listen. kat: i get it. greg: it took you a while. >> there was a moment when kat pulled her hair out. coming from the jeff fox worthy side of georgia versus the rhett butler side of georgia. i understand why the vanilla envelopes tasted so bad. it was fake vanilla. greg: i have got to laugh because you are a hero. >> fake emotion, that works. tyrus: when we use the word fake we are hurt a lot of people's
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feelings in the news. it'it's artificial. chevy silverado hd. it offers head-up display. wow, that's dialed in. i can still keep my eyes on the road. my truck doesn't have that. it offers an optional technology package with up to 15 different camera views. that's quality picture. it even offers one enhanced view that makes your trailer appear invisible - to help you see what's behind you. oh, wow! which in this case happens to be the competition - since they don't offer the same amount of cameras as the silverado. literally in the rear-view. where they should be. ♪
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we were paying an arm and a leg for postage. i remember setting up shipstation. one or two clicks and everything was up and running. i was printing out labels and saving money. shipstation saves us so much time. it makes it really easy and seamless. pick an order, print everything you need, slap the label onto the box,
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and it's ready to go. our costs for shipping were cut in half. just like that. shipstation. the #1 choice of online sellers. go to and get 2 months free. >> so i came up with a great near rei few week back and more i investigate the more i know i'm right on this. >> animals are jerks. animals are jerks. ♪ [laughter] animals are jerks. animals are jerks. animals are jerks. >> don't see that on special report. [laughter] all right. thanks to joey jones rob long, studio audience.
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i'm greg i love you america. ♪ rerererererererererererererero on fox nation. thank you for joining us. >> a work in and on capitol hill as lawmakers hold a saturday deposition in the intelligence committee released the transcripts from two more close door interviews but i'm jon scott and this is "the fox report". jon: mark zandi becomes the first official from the federal budget office to testify an impeachment inquiry. house investigators issued a subpoena this morning to ensure he would show up as they pressed for details on the timeline of military aid to ukraine. as a second closed-door deposition in as many days. after state department official david holmes testified yesterday it comes on the heels of public testimony from three witnesses this week which republicans
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