tv Gutfeld FOX News September 28, 2021 8:00pm-9:00pm PDT
between submission to the government or ruin. that's not fair. i will go to the floor every day to push back on this. >> laura: this is great. we will watch this. you are there fighting. it's america now and forever and greg gutfeld takes it from here. >> ♪ ♪ >> ♪ ♪ >> ♪ ♪ >> [cheering]. >> ♪ ♪ >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: happy tuesday. great to be in nashville. we have some great guests. judge jeanine is here.
>> [cheers and applause]. >> shay drove all the way from new york. here she is pulling into the parking lot.e drove all the way new york. here she is pulling into the parking lot. [laughing]. >> greg: i asked her why. she said i treat the road like let's death row. put on the seat belt and step on the gas. and larry gatlin from the gatlin brothers. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: those guys partied back in the day. they inhaled more white powder than a baby's butt. they were a wild bunch back in the '70s. now they for their 70s. [laughing]. now they cut their coke is
lipitor. they replaced prostitutes with proctologists. larry is known for the hit all the gold in california. all of the gold in california. larry should update the song to reflect today. all of the poop on my shoe in california. it's filthier than kat's vocabulary. california dreaming is guy throwing up on your porch. a shout out to sean penn. kat had a great first night out in nashville. >> yeah! >> you are sweet. >> ♪ ♪
. >> [laughing]. >> greg: i tell her to holdback. it's only monday. right, i will shave the rest of this moon shine for my cereal. i will just move on. >> [laughing]. >> greg: remember when we were told the adults were taking back government when joe biden won. they ousted orange godzilla and we got the creature at any rate black lagoon. >> [laughing]. >> greg: amazing. there is serious bedlam at the border. many are sick. and like hillary clinton crime remains unchecked and
unprosecuted. americans remain in afghanistan and crime is raising like hunter biden's pulling on a crack pipe. i still look great. it's amazing for a man in his early 40s. >> [laughing]. >> greg: it's not that funny, judge. despite all of this bad news we have an adult in charge, in an adult diaper. captain joe. look at him. aviator sunglasses, bomber jacket. too bad his microphone gets cut more than me trying to make the 8th grade soccer team am this year i was closer than ever. seriously, i feel like a guest at epstein's island. where are the adults.
i was told in my anger management classes that an adult takes responsibility for his actions. here is joe responding to the recent crisis. >> look at what i inherited when i came into office. the state of affairs and where we were. we had no plan. i could go down the list. i am not complaining. it's just a reality. >> greg: it's just a reality. this guy would not recognize reality is the entire cast of duck dynasty bit him in the ass when i would pay for. anyone vaccinated today can thank operation warp speed created by trump. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: biden's reality blameern for every mistake you make want not only blame the
last guy in office but the descent americans like the guy trying to steer his horse. joe biden punishing the border patrol for patrolling the border. what is next punish strippers for stripping? the police for policing? wait, we already do that it. people doing their jobs are being punished by people who don't. you have an incompetent president cleaning up his mistake at the border and the media demonizing the cops. and the media still whines about using forces to navgate uneven terrain. what should they use? segways? why is the border patrol needed? because there is no wall. think about that. >> [cheers and applause].
>> i respect joe if he adhits he wrong he smears that guy and apologizeded. i won't hold my breath because i would look like a smurf. >> [laughing]. >> greg: build back better. sounds like a left over from a labored sale at home depot. the only thing joe build is blame. he passes more bucks than a guy who it's dollar bills. i wonder if blaming the past works in real life. >> this place is such a mess. i am so sick of this. >> stop blaming me. it's your ex. >> there is never any food in the fridge. you are a slop. >> it's your ex.
>> stop blaming myex for everything. >> right over there. >> leave him alone am we are this it love. >> ♪ ♪ >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: that should be a sitcom. what is joe saying for himself. >> come on, man, don't give me that absent leadership. i am present and accounted for. i don't know where i am right now actually. they drive me places and i get out and read what they tell me. then no questions. no questions. then i get back in the car. they drive me someplace else. it works out, man. whoops, it just got dark.
i know where i am. >> [laughing]. greg the good news about america this country is so strong we can stand an old man who refuses to bear any responsibility. can we endure the wokesters who control him in like kids going after the rich's dad's estate before he passing. but he went on tv to get the booster shot. >> nothing to worry about it. [screaming]. oh, it burns. >> [laughing]. >> greg: that didn't go over too well. let's welcome tonight's guests. >> [cheers and applause].
>> greg: you should hear her outdoor voice. judge jeanine! >> [cheers and applause]. he's given us more great singles than a search on match.com. larry gatlin. >> [cheers and applause]. >> laura: stand by your man before she moves him into traffic. kat timpf. >> greg: he is so huge his flight landed at 3:05 p.m. at 3:06 p.m. -- tyrus. how is it going judge? >> i am doing okay. >> greg: that leopard is dead but happy he died for this.
>> he died for you and everybody here. i am this nashville. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: stop going for the easy applause. that's what i do. great to be in nashville. shouldn't leaders set an example and embrace responsibility? what is going with our president? >> nothing. how can he set an example. i call him the liar and chief. he said there was no real vaccine. nobody was vaccinated when he got there. there were 3 vaccines were moved at warp speed by donald trump. there was a plan. there was a plan in afghanistan. the man is out of his mind. he has no idea what reality is
or wareality is. i repeated myself. >> greg: you did. it bears repeating. losers and liberals and liars and leakers. >> say it right. liars, leakers and liberals. >> greg: larry can you imagine doing this at work if you work. you say it's the other guys fault. how does that make you feel? it's great to see you. >> great to see you. >> greg: i like your shirt. >> thank you. can you see under it? >> greg: that's what i am talking about. you are applauding a racist shirt. >> i will answer your question. a great song writer wrote this
song many years ago. yellow, black or white, they are precious in his sight. jesus loves the little children of the world. >> where am i? >> greg: you are eating into your talk time. you only have one point and it has to be a real good one. >> we all know about all of the things the judge was talked about. how many of you fathers, mothers and grandmothers and grand fathers would give the keys of your car and house to protect your kids, grandkids and one dog while you went on vacation for 2 days to florida? if you would do that, say yeah? if you would not say no. >> no! >> he has the keys to the nuclear football.
>> greg: kat, do you think bind will build anything back better? >> no. complaining doesn't make sense. everyone inherits a mess. isn't that what marriage is? my husband inherit aid mess. i have been burned in the past and have issues. he doesn't complain. he knows he is lucky to be married to a natural treasure. >> [cheers and applause]. >> the only people who complain about it are modern politicians. it's not like lincoln complained about the mess he inherited about the civil war. this is not my fault. don't blame me.
he focussed on bringing people together and solutions to problems and not making about it himself. that's what a leader is supposed to do. >> greg: if joe biden were actually president i would not worry as much but he is just a hood ornament to a dangerous woke machine. we have to check under the hood. >> you go ahead. i don't have to look under the hood to know the engine is gone. could we please put the greg smurf up. that was amazing. i thought there was not much photo shop in there. >> greg: i was taller in that picture. >> yes. there it is. that's magic. it's unbelievable. it's right up there with thinking that president biden knows what is going on. a better chance of that smurf balancing the budget than
we had good times, larry. >> yes. >> greg: he called out top brass over afghanistan. he was relieved of duty and resigned. his dad claimed he was incarcerating after breaking a gag order. they don't know what to do with him. give him a medal for telling the truth. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: top generals testified on capitol hill about the troop withdrawal saying if the afghan army had performed the government would still be there. if my aunt had balls she would identify with my uncle. >> [laughing]. >> greg: thank god she is not watching. general milley was asked about u.s. credibility. >> i think our credibility without allies and partners around the world is being intensely reviewed to see which way this will go. i think damage is one word that could be used. >> greg: damaged.
do you think? it's more damaged than a vehicle owned by tiger woods. >> oh! >> greg: i have not seen this kind of destruction since kat broke into the hotel mini-bar. maybe the focus on wokeness hurt the military's credibility. woke issues distracted top leaders from afghanistan. they never met once on readiness but every week on transgender issues and racism and sexual assault. it's like my high school football coach said, greg gutfeld get your head in the game. i was not on the team. i just liked to shower afterward. >> [laughing]. >> greg: what drives me crazy? we gave a couple of hundred thousands of rifles to the taliban. it's taken me a year to get
a permit to carry. i should have joined the taliban to get a free rifle. >> taken you a year? you should have started 3 years ago when i told you needed it it because you are a horsey rump and you have enemies. >> greg: they gave you a gun and that frightened. >> if any thing breaks doubt get behind me. truisms become truisms because they are true! how many of know the saying the fish from stinks from the head down? >> greg: what are you doing? >> we remember george scott and george patton.
this individuality stuff is a bunch of crap. the people with wrote that stuff in the saturday evening post don't anything more about real battle than about foreign fornicating. >> greg: tyrus? >> what does fornicate mean. >> greg: i will tell you later. >> [laughing]. >> when i make a joke about him, you boo. >> [laughing]. >> don't insult the little guy. okay. i will see y'all in the alley. >> greg: isn't it weird the guy that spoke out is in jail but no one is punished for what happened in afghanistan? >> you think about how
distracting that is. you are trying to -- up until this administration took it, we were the police of the world. we have been defunded and denounced and our military leaders can't scheme. they have to make sure they don't offend anybody. going through roll call to get the right title. is this pronounced john or jo-on. if they say morning, men. oops story, guys. oh! meeting dismissed. it's terrible to be this a position where you have to be honest and direct. you are dealing with an administration hired because of how they feel inside. they are fuzzy things and how they look as opposed to their resume. >> it's one thing to be woke.
it's another inning to lie constantly. that's what he does. milley says after they killed 7 children he said it was a righteous strike. he knew it was not a righteous strike. woke is bad enough. but the lying is unbelievable. this guy keeps going out and there are parts of america they think this guy is the greatest thing since sliced bread. >> that's how you get accolades in the military is by lying. saying everything is going great. regardless of how it is going. that's how you get promoted. they go to the top. you have a disaster like afghanistan because you promote people that won't ask question. you take the guy that does ask questions and you throw him in
jail. it's a comedy show but that's disgusting. if we had more leaders like him we would have gotten out earlier with our dignity without a needless loss of money and needless loss of life. >> greg: i have to go to break. i apologize for having substance on this show. >> very unwoke of you. >> i married a veteran so i am half a veteran. >> greg: this famous athlete has the guts to say most celebrities are nuts.
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being tall is retiring from celebrity status. if only i could do the same but why deprive fans if. the nba hall-of-famer said most celebrities are nuts and he's had enough. >> they have gone insane want don't call me that anymore. these people are out of t minds. how they treat people. what they do and say. just base i made it, i am bigger and smarter than me. just because i have more money don't mean i am better than you. i will never be that way. i don't want to be in that category with them people. these celebrities have been crazy. i denounce by celebrity today. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: as a world famous celebrity, i can relate.
also larry gatlin still gets recognized at the local police station. >> because i do a lot of police benefits. >> greg: and also the birth mark. >> you have seen it? >> greg: who hasn't it. it has its own instagram account. today my assistant made eye contact with me and i didn't fire her. i think that inspired her to do better in between her bouts of crying but doing better than last week's assistant. we wish shaq luck in whatever he does. why are so many celebrities jerks that go crazy by age 35 because chasing fame comes at a cost. fame and power enables. look at the cuomo brothers. >> really!
>> greg: they realized they are just a vapid empty shell. where is deborah messing? >> [laughing]. >> you are on tonight. >> greg: you are sexually harassing me, larry. tyrus, am with shaq on this. i disown my celebrity. won't fly first-class. i will go private but not first-class. >> [silence]. >> what, what? >> you know i love shaq. he is one of my favorite people. just curious why you picked me to lead this. was the height or the athletic background or something else? that you felt more comfortable asking me to break the ice for you to make a joke afterward. i won't do that today. the thing that is great about shaq he has never been thirsty.
that you need more because you can't get enough of what you are. he's always been at a high level and he was there because he worked hard. even after his nba career is not as powerful as what he did an the nba career. owned businesses and helps people. >> greg: a sheriff. >> yes. he does a lot of things. he is in a position mentally where he is not thirsty for fame. most celebrities it's a short life. when they get to the end of it around 35 when the new ones come in, they got crazy. that's why they get political and do things. they want to save the whales but still eat belugga. they are out of their minds. shaq is not thirsty. >> greg: kat, it's got to be
hard to work with someone famous and self less. why does this show work? >> because we all get along in real life. >> greg: that too. i hate you. >> that's what you want people to think. >> greg: we don't chase celebrities. we beat kimmel and falon. we don't have actors coming on sell products. >> right. because once you start you can't quit. when you become an ass kisser you are one forever. you keep kissing ass. >> greg: you can't unkiss an ass. it's like ringing a bell. >> the only time you have to stop kissing an as is when it's time to kiss a new one. when you give up your principles
about caring something more and a platform for platform's sake you can't go anywhere else because you lost your credibility. >> greg: larry you have been in the spotlight for sometime but you have not changed. your internal organs just you. >> a great friend of mine. darryl royal the football coach at the university of texas. he told me years ago and he was a wise man. he said you can tell what kind of person someone is if you watch the way they treat people who can't do anything for them. every night when we leave the stage after our show. the stage crew is out there and the sound guys, hey, we could have done this without y'all but
we would have to really sing loud. i can sing my ass off if the sound man doesn't turn me up am we all have people in our circle who we need to depend upon. >> shaq has always done other things for other people. everybody knows who he is. he gets all of the attention he wants is an indication he appreciates this country to, what he's gotten from this country, to the fans in america to the money they made in america. he understands where it all came from. that's why he is giving up on the other people who hate america and the flag. good for shaq and the hell with the other ones. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: all right.
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>> ♪ ♪ >> greg: at what age are you sure you are mature? . the worst word on the planet. adulting. it's slang for behaving like an adult. hear me out. i have been around larry. adulting when i started making adult films downtown. they said nudity is tasteful not on my watch. people said they had to think about saving money. on average they think you are an adult at age 25. when i was 25 i was sitting on
santa's lap. he said he was santa. kat you are 45. >> i turn 33 next month. think about what to get me for my birthday. >> greg: when did you first decide you were an adult? >> i don't know what that means. i left home as a teenager. i was independent but asking my dad for his advice and still do. it's less now because i married someone who a lot like my dad. >> greg: that's what it is about. >> find your dad younger and marry him. >> greg: you go back and time. judge -- >> that scares me. but go ahead. you just got married, 2 months? >> 5. >> okay.
>> greg: i think thanking an adult is gauged by milestones and not age. our life spans are stretching. it's not about being 21. your first paycheck? your first psychedelic experience? >> i never did that. >> greg: we will do it after the show you and me. >> i don't know what it is and i don't want to know what it is. >> greg: i will put it if your drink. >> you are adulting -- never heard that word before -- depends on when you got your first job. i got my first job selling photos over the telephone at age 12. then went to work in air district attorney -- dairy. i milked cows. >> greg: you can't make that hand movement on fox. >> that's when i became an adult. >> [laughing].
>> then you start a bank account. then they say to you everybody i know is dead. you can still use a photo and send it to me. i would run over and get their $5. >> greg: tyrus? >> what could i possibly say to this? i came out a grown ass man and cried. the doctor slapped me and i took his wallet and stole his car and left. >> greg: i don't know if that's true. >> [laughing]. >> i was born with tattoos. >> greg: i didn't know you could do that in the womb. >> i did it myself. she don't need this rib.
i got this. oh come on! >> [laughing]. >> greg: i am going to say last word to larry emphasis on word. it is not plural. >> i was grownup since i was 14 years old and got my driver's license and found out about girls. i worked and drive the car with my brother and sister and momma across america singing songs and daddy was a lot working. he said work is nobel. get a job and report back to me when you get one. >> greg: there you go. we have comedy coming up. (man 1) oh, this looks like we're in a screen saver. (man 2) yeah, but we need to go higher. (man 1) higher. (man 2) definitely higher.
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they were busy so applause for comic joe. >> [applauding]. >> good to see you. >> i have to let you know i am a new yorker. we have a lot of dumb stereo times about southern people. i will apologize in the advance. if you enjoy the show don't fire shotguns in the air. it's very distracting. it's nice to see live shows happening again. with the pandemic i had to cancel a&e a lot of gigs and cancel my trip to the wuhan food truck festival. i learned a lot during the locked. i had no idea how non-essential i am. we had an emergency. i have no useful skills. i am what they call a last response. i fell apart quick.
we were 2 weeks into the lockdown and i had my good sweatpants. for a special occasions like getting the mail. >> [laughing]. >> the week after that, who needs to put on pants to get the mail? come on! they moon know me at the post office. another thing i learned. i don't have a book ending. i thought if i had the time. i didn't even read a book. my main accomplishment is my couch now has a groove in it. it's so perfectly shaped like my ass. every morning i swipe in and netflix would turn itself on. a bad sign. if netflix stops asking: are you still watching?
it was crazy. the centers for disease control had dating guidelines. if you have sex with someone you don't know, wear a mask. >> [laughing]. >> i read that and i thought i have been there. i am vaccinated. i went with guardisail. anyone else. i also got the pfizer and i could not believe my arm hurt so much from that shot of saline. you have to take care of your health. back in 2019? the big health concern was vaping. turns out it was just regular breathing was the problem. but the vape people were the only ones surprised it's not
good for you. what? you are telling me this burning liquid air freshener i was sucking down is not good if but i bought it at the gas station. nothing is good for you if you can charge it off a usb port. i know what i want to have happen after i die. i want my remains scattered over new york city. no, i don't want to be cremated. thank you very much. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: joe, everyone! we'll be right back.
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thanks to our guests, our studio audience. i love you, america. >> hello and welcome to fox news at night. i'm shannon bream in washington. >> shannon: breaking tonight, brand-new questions for biden as his top general seems to contradict comments he made earlier this year, that military leaders did not advise him to keep 2,500 troops in afghanistan. our panel is standing by live to look at the