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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  August 31, 2010 11:05pm-12:05am PST

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...pure... and also delicious. ♪ like nature valley. granola bars made with crunchy oats and pure honey. because natural is not only good, it also tastes good. nature valley -- 100% natural. 100% delicious. @@ nature valley -- 100% natural. finally tonight, after destroying rooftops and knocking out power in the caribbean,
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hurricane earl is grinding relentlessly closer to the north carolina coast, and that is where this giant category 4 storm is expected to make landfall later this week. packing 160-mile-per-hour gusts of wind, and enough rain to potentially endanger the evacuation routes. from there, forecasters say earl will sweep up the east coast, hitting beaches just on the eve of the labor day weekend. a hurricane watch is in effect tonight for north carolina and be sure to watch "good morning america" tomorrow for the latest on this big storm. but that's our report for tonight. for all of us at abc news, good night, america. >> dicky: tonight on "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: wow. are all your clothes custom snaed have you ever walked into a store and purchased something off the rack? >> not even underwear. they don't make it that big. >> jimmy: you don't arrest snooki.
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it's like arrested the sun for rising. it's what she does. have you seen the mug shot? i think all the drinking and tanning might be taking its toll on snooki. if i had to choose one word of the season, that word would be "amazing." >> amazing guys. >> it was wicked amazing. >> jimmy: how does it work that you're making out 24 hours before you get proposed to with another person? >> yeah, babe, how does that -- >> i didn't do that! >> jimmy: is this your first fight? >> certainly a lot of paparazzi here waiting for her imminent release. she walked in here for a 90-day sentence and it looks like she'll be able to walk out after just 12 days. >> yeah! >> jimmy: there is a candidate for governor in tennessee that caught my eye. >> i'm basil >> jimmy: he's half internet. >> would you consider moving to
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california to be our governor? >> dicky: "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with shaquille o'neal, ali the bachelorette and roberto, jake byrd saves lindsay lohan, and you tube sensation basil marceauw. x. male voice: ooh! green tea with citrus. i could use a lift. you gonna finish that? hmm? well, how 'bout that? dude, fish have ears, you know. announcer: lipton--drink on the bright side. fish: sheesh.
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>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- shaquille o'neal. "the bachelorette," ali fedotowsky. and roberto martinez. jake byrd saves lindsay lohan. and youtube sensation basil marceaux. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live"
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>> dicky: and now, it's my pleasure to inform you, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow, that's very nice of you. thanks for coming. thank you for watching. it's a real rice krispy treat to have you here tonight with us. welcome to "the bachelorette" after the after the after the rose special. hour nine of our ongoing coverage here of abc. i'm your host chris harrison. thank you for tuning in. as you know, tonight, the emotional finale of "the bachelorette." and i'm going to admit something, and i hope you don't think less of me for saying this, but i haven't cried this much watching a tv show since t.r. knight left "grey's anatomy." and i mean that. i was an absolute mess.
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as you were probably aware, the bachelorette ali made the most important decision a person can make. she converted to islam. [ laughter ] now shabazz faruk i think. ali had it narrowed down to roberto and chris. all the spoiler blogs were sure she'd pick roberto. they all said it's obvious she's more attracted to him. it's obvious they have chemistry. it's going to be roberto. and then sure enough, it was roberto, so -- so -- thanks for -- thanks for ruining it, blogs. ali and roberto are here with us tonight. [ applause ] ali did a -- ali did an unusual thing. she didn't go to the normal route where you let the guy propose and then you say no, i'm going to pick the other -- she told chris early that she was going with rebore toe, which was a nice thing to do. i'm glad she did it because chris seems like a very nice guy. he took the news pretty well i have to say. then right after ali gave him the bad news, he got a sign, a rainbow appeared in the sky. seriously.
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[ laughter ] well, you'll see it later. before his mom passed away, she told him she would come to him in rainbows and sure enough -- you're going to feel bad about laughing later. tell her, it's true. and sure enough, right there, a rainbow that left chris and everyone watching, deeply moved. >> ten minutes after ali left on the porch, there's a perfect rainbow. when i saw that rainbow, in all this hurt and, like, confusion, and, like, what the hell's going on, i was like -- >> oh, my god, it's full on, rainbow all the way across the sky! oh, wow! woo! oh, my god. look at that. oh, my god. what does this mean? too much.
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tell me what it means. woo! >> jimmy: well, you know, that had to be done, right? i think -- [ applause ] i -- that was a nice moment. i think they should make ali the permanent bachelorette. you know? she did well. i'm sure roberto would understand. honey, it's my job. [ laughter ] very strong season. in fact, if i had to choose one word to describe this season of "the bachelorette" that word would be amazing. 160 times this season. we turned it into a drinking game where you take a drink every time someone said amazing. you have to stop because people were dying of alcohol poisoning. the word amazing was said on average a little more than 16 times per episode this year. tote board. >> i could possibly get engaged at this amazing island. >> bora bora is an amazing place. >> like, amazing, beautiful places. >> an amazing time. amazing that i have left.
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>> your daughter has been amazing. >> your daughter is an amazing girl. >> you're amazing. >> today was amazing. >> i want tonight to be amazing. >> today was wicked amazing. >> i had this amazing date with roberto. i have two amazing guys. they're both amazing guys. >> she's one of the most amazing girls i've ever met. we had an amazing time. that's an amazing quality. you're absolutely amazing. >> chris is an amazing man. chris is an amazing guy. chris is amazing. i sent an amazing guy home. >> amazing. >> she is an amazing, amazing girl. >> jimmy: that's a double. that's -- 26 is very strong. just to mix everything up, i'd like to see them use the word "amaze-balls to describe everything." she's amaze balls. speaking of bachelorette, snooki from "the jersey shore," snooki
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got arrested this weekend. yep. i didn't know they made handcuffs that small. but apparently they do. snooki was arrested on friday for disorderly conduct in seaside heights, new jersey. which is crazy. you don't arrest snooki for disorder conduct. it's like arresting the sun for rising. it's what she does. here you can see, this is snooki being take sboon custody. somebody shot -- she's the only person in the history of new jersey who had to use a booster seat to take her mug shot. have you seen her mug shot, by the way? i think all the drinking and tanning might be taking its toll on snooki because she's -- [ applause ] she's a mess. you know, you look at -- snooki's behavior, the drunkenness, the fighting, now getting arrested. i can't really think, we need to get her together with andy dick. wouldn't they make an amazing couple? and she could be snooki dick if they got married. [ laughter ] could be on to something here. meanwhile, on the very same beach where snooki was arrested, a shark swam up onto the sand at
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the beach. it's shark week on the discovery channel right now. i guess sharks have been showing up at various beaches to promote it. [ laughter ] could you imagine, though, if a shark had eaten snooki? that would be the greatest cable television event of all time. someone should make that happen. shark eat snooki. and while you're at it, get the real housewives on "deadliest catch." chelsea clinton got married this weekend. anybody in our audience invited to the wedding? no? she married longtime boyfriend marc mezvinski in new york. she had a tough choice between him and chris r. but after their night in the fantasy suite, she knew he was the one. chelsea wore a dress designed by vera wang. usually when you hear the words clinton and wang in a sentence together, it has nothing to do with fashion. in this case it did. chelsea wore a strapless gown from vera wang. her mother, secretary of state hillary clinton, wore something tasteful from the men's warehouse. and she was a beautiful -- congratulations to them, is what
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i'm saying. [ applause ] you know there are a number of -- a number of political campaigns being run right now across the country. i don't pay attention to most of these. there is a candidate for governor tennessee that caught my eye. his name is basil marceaux. the local nbc affiliate in nashville gave each of the candidates a chance to introduce himself or herself. this is where i fell in love with basil. >> i'm basil >> first of all, want to point out, he's half internet. >> republican candidate for governor. registration for guns. everyone carry guns. if you kill someone, you get murdered, you go to jail. i like to put -- plant grass or vegetation across the state where any vacant lot and sell it for gas so we can use it for our expenses. >> jimmy: i like what i'm hearing so far i have to say. [ applause ] and i -- palin/marceaux 2012
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could be a very viable ticket. here's basil on traffic stops. >> i also want to stop traffic stops. set it up like the supreme court rule. you can't find innocent car, you can't look. i want you all to vote for basil marceaux. pledge allegiance to the republican in the morning when you come out. and we all pray to god and say amen and everyone have a nice day. >> jimmy: all right. well, it's -- i don't know what the flat form is exactly, but i'm pretty sure he made it himself out of plywood. tonight, basil is here with us in person to share some of his ideas. basil mark my word, some day, that man's face will be on money. some big changes coming to "american idol" next season. last week, ellen degeneres announced she was leaving the show. it's been widely reported that
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kara is out, too. i wish they recorded the part where they tell the old judges they're not coming back. wouldn't that be the fair thing to do? william hung items kara she's not coming back? the rumored replacements are jennifer lopez and steven tyler from aerosmith. randy jackson would stay. i tell you, randy jackson, steven tyler, jennifer lopez, why even bother having contestants? just put those three in a house, you've got a show right there. [ applause ] hey, you know, i guess -- what, 13 days, she served, of her 90 day sentence in linwood correctional facility in california. lindsay lohan was out-carcerated early this morning. taken directly to ucla psychiatric hospital for evaluation. >> she will spend the next three months -- >> jimmy: that's her old friend herbie. he gave her a ride just to get her there quickly. [ applause ] there was a large crowd -- a
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large crowd assembled outside the jail where lindsay served her sentence, including our old pal jake byrd. jake byrd is a celebrity superfan. he loves lindsay lohan. so much so, he even -- watch for him here -- he made our local news last night. >> we are live in linwood and you the shot of the door where once again lindsay lohan set to be released -- >> jimmy: all right, so that's jake. he was very excited. but he managed to corral his emotions just enough to file this report exclusively for us. >> you're a big fan of lindsay, that's why we're here. >> you're a big lindsay fan? >> i guess yeah. whatever. >> they're adorable and she's a wonderful role model. >> yeah, she is. >> like the michael lohan of dads. >> that's why we're here, man. >> she could party. whatever, like, whatever she wants to do, she could do. >> she could do anything. she could do cough syrup. she could do methamphetamine. she could do a paper bag filled
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with rustoleum primer. she could have a nice glass of wine. >> if you did it, do the time. if you got 90 days, do the time. >> she's tweeting. she's twittering. >> guess what? >> she needs to be twittering, tweeting. >> you go over there, get you a tweeter. >> i wish. >> that's right. there are certainly a lot of paparazzi here waiting for her imminent release. they're focused on one of her number one fans. she walked in here for a 90-day sentence and because of overcrowding, it looks like she'll be able to walk out these doors after just 12 days. >> yeah! it's going to be a magical night. i don't think anything's happening. i think she's just settling in. she's still there for one more night, drinking a big carafe of toilet wine and taking it easy. ♪ old mcdonald had a farm ♪ e i e i o
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♪ on this farm he had a lindsay lohan ♪ ♪ e i e i o ♪ with a glug glug here ♪ and a -- here ♪ free lindsay, everybody! free the lohan one! what's up? this is it, man. it's the magic night. they're letting our princess free. >> this concludes her custody. okay? >> no party time? >> all right. so we're done. and we can all go home now. see you later. >> thanks for nothing. >> you're welcome. >> jimmy: there you go. they'll be together eventually. jake byrd, everybody. thank you, jake. it is party time. we got a good show tonight. ali the bachelorette and roberto
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are here. youtube sensation basil marceaux and we'll be right back with shaquille o'neal. so stick around.
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>> jimmy: welcome back. earlier tonight, we watched this young couple fall in love, without any incident at all, tonight, the batchelorbachelore and her new fiance roberto, will be on the show. this time, it's going to last. and then later, youtube sensation, basil marceaux is
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here. tomorrow night -- dylan mcdermott, mary elizabeth winstead, and music from flo rida. then later this week -- ice cube, melissa rycroft, eva mendes and music from saving abel and the black crowes. so join us for that. our first guest tonight is a four-time nba champion, a 15-time all-star and a nonstop tweeter, despite having enormously unwieldy thumbs. starting tomorrow night at 9:00, he takes on a variety of challenges on "shaq versus." please welcome the gigantic and gregarious shaquille o'neal. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. [ cheers and applause ] you're getting bigger. you're getting taller. you look like the night sky.
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are those pajamas? >> you look like a mortician. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but those are -- i mean, because you're wearing slippers so i thought maybe those are pajamas. are those not pajamas? >> no, just my -- >> jimmy: casual wear? >> just my chillout look. >> jimmy: are all your clothes custom made? ever walked into a store and bought something off the rack? >> not even underwear. they don't make them that big. [ applause ] >> jimmy: they probably don't. do you have to have your underwear made? >> no. >> jimmy: you don't? >> no. >> jimmy: there's a special department at fruit of the loom for you or something? >> yes. >> jimmy: there is? >> i buy my underwear from the jimmy kimmel section. >> jimmy: you do, all right. well, do you watch the show "the bachelorette?" >> no, what's that? >> jimmy: you've never seen it? >> no. >> jimmy: it's a dating show. what they do is, they put a woman on the show and she gets 25 guys.
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or a guy and he gets 25 girls to pick from. then they pick. and then they -- it never works out, really. but we keep watching it over and over again. the reason i bring it up is because in a way you had your heart broken recently. you went to cleveland to play with lebron james. and then he left. and it's particularly hurtful, i think, because you bought him for his birthday, is it true you bought him a $400,000 rolls royce for his birthday? >> no, $40 rolls royce. >> jimmy: $40. >> one of those phantom cars. >> jimmy: it was a toy. >> it was a toy. >> jimmy: for real? >> a phantom toy. >> yes. >> jimmy: oh. no wonder he left. and with him leaving, did he consult you, say, hey, man, i know it's -- >> no, not at all. >> jimmy: not at all? >> i was at the crib chilling. the lebron-athon thing came on and he said he was going to
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miami. shock to everybody. >> jimmy: you were surprised. you played with the lakers. you played in cleveland. played with kobe. played with dwyane wade. played with lebron. who was the best teammate of those three? >> they're all pretty much similar. all great players. >> jimmy: who's the best one? >> i don't know. i don't know. i try to give you the politically correct answer. >> jimmy: where you going to play next year? have you decided? are you leaning one way or the other? >> right now, i'm on the 730-day program, which means i have two years left. so i'm going to try to sign with the right team. >> jimmy: two years left in your nba career? >> yes, i want to -- >> jimmy: i can't imagine you in a celtics uniform though. i just can't imagine it. can you imagine it? >> celtics will be a good program. >> jimmy: that would be a good place to go? >> yes it would. >> jimmy: will you feel weird after playing for the lakers? >> no. >> jimmy: you would not? >> no. >> jimmy: i guess from your attire you don't feel weird
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about putting on any kind of clothes. [ applause ] >> 1-0, you got me. >> jimmy: let's talk about this show "shaq versus." because this is a great idea. you're really probably the only person that could pull this show off. you take people on at their game in different arenas. whether it be different sports. last year, you swam against michael phelps. you claim you won that. >> i did win. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: besides that, had you -- did you win any of them last year? >> i won all of them. [ laughter ] in my mind. >> jimmy: right. and this year, you have some good ones lined up. >> yes. >> jimmy: playing golf against charles barkley. >> yes. >> jimmy: what else you have lined up? >> dale earnhardt jr. >> jimmy: dale earnhardt jr. >> justin bieber. >> jimmy: when you get in -- what is your -- what's the nature of your competition with justin bieber? >> we're going to do like a little dance-off.
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>> jimmy: a dance-off? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, my god, he's going to fall in the hole you create and we'll never see him again. dance-off with justin bieber. >> sugar shane mosely, boxing. >> jimmy: is it real? >> it's real, it's real. >> jimmy: how -- i mean does he even -- >> see, see? >> jimmy: see my reflexes, like a minute and a half, i'll flinch. and so you box with him. >> yes. >> jimmy: did you feel good about that? did he -- was he worried at all? it seems like if you got him with one good shot be you could really -- >> no, i just wanted to -- we went out there, you know, before we fought, i told him, look, if you got a shot, knock me out. because i didn't really know how it would feel, if i could take it or not. he hit me one good time. i had to grab him. make sure my teeth were still in my mouth. after that, got through it. >> jimmy: how did he hit you? did he hit you with an upper cut?
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did she jump up and -- >> no, he hit me with the fake low, then he came up with the right. >> jimmy: was it intimidating being in the ring with him? >> no, not at all. >> jimmy: you're not intimidated by anyone. >> no. >> jimmy: or anything really. >> no. >> jimmy: you had a spelling bee against a young girl. >> yes. >> jimmy: who -- [ laughter ] she's, what, 14, 15 years old. something like that. >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: she's the spelling champion. >> yes. >> jimmy: we have a clip. >> the words that she's spelling, i've never seen before in my life. i would like to challenge you to a spelling contest. keep in mind, i have my bachelor's and my master's, and i'm ready to go. if you don't believe me, kitten, k-i-t-t-e-n. [ applause ] you accept my challenge? she giggled. i ain't tripping. >> okay, i mean, i guess. last time jimmy kimmel, when he challenged me, i did beat him. >> and i beat jimmy kimmel in scrabble. same thing. >> jimmy: i don't remember you
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actually winning that game, but we did play. >> listen, i dominated you in scrabble. >> jimmy: well, you did, but in scrabble usually people don't make up their own words. >> okay. but okay, there's scrabble and there's ebonics scrabble. >> jimmy: right. >> we played ebonics scrabble. >> jimmy: i didn't realize we were playing ebonics scrabble. >> they knew in the back. >> jimmy: so you take on this girl and she's a very good speller, isn't she? i mean, i'm 38, read the paper all the time, read, you know, the internet, read contracts all the time, but some of these words were, like, man, i almost had to pull out my sheet cheat but i didn't. >> jimmy: you did not cheat? >> no. >> jimmy: do you feel like you did well in the competition? >> i did excellent. i won. >> jimmy: there's really no drama because shaq wins every one of these events. >> you know what? since i challenged the best, i would like to challenge you. [ audience oohs ] >> jimmy: ooh. at what?
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>> monologes. >> jimmy: how would it work exactly? >> i do a monologue about you, you do one about me. >> jimmy: okay, all right. i'll do that. sure, yeah. all right. [ applause ] so, all right, we'll do it on your show. >> yes. >> jimmy: i'm up for that. is there any chance i win this thing? >> no. >> jimmy: no? >> not at all. >> jimmy: well, there's a lot of fun to be had on shaq's show. it's called "shaq versus" season two premieres tomorrow night at look for us. shaquille o'neal, everybody. we'll be right back with ali the bachelorette and roberto. (announcer) chug that coffee, bolt that burrito. no matter what life throws at you, you can take the heat.
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>> jimmy: hi there, we're back. still to come, basil marceaux will be with us. our next couple achieved the unachievable, getting together and staying together for three solid monthst now.
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from "the bachelorette," please welcome ali fedotowsky and her fiance, roberto martinez. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i want to ask, first of all, who did i pick? who did i pick for you? >> oh, no. >> jimmy: that's right. i picked. >> you had better predictions when you were on the nfl pregame show. >> jimmy: listen, privately, i told ali you were -- and then wanted to see the reaction. she was very careful about this stuff. i'm wondering, first of all, did you guys watch the finale together? >> yeah. >> we did. >> jimmy: when did you see it? >> we watched it -- i'm sorry. when did we watch it? >> last week. >> jimmy: last week. and how did that go? >> we watched it like ten times >> jimmy: you did, really?
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>> this is the best movie i've ever seen. i'm like, put it in again. this is good stuff. >> i was crying. i love you so much. >> jimmy: really, wow? roberto, do you get upset during the parts where ali is making out with the other guys? >> come on. you had to go there. >> jimmy: because i wonder about that. i mean -- because, you don't know what goes on during that time, you know. all of a sudden, it's like, hey, what's going on here? >> i knew going into it -- you kind of prepare for that stuff. >> jimmy: you do? >> i mean, mentally, you know what you're getting into. if you're going into this. and it was hard to watch at times. definitely. but she's the best, man. i mean, she kind of walked me through it. you know, this is what -- and in the end, i'm here. we're good. this is what matters. i got the girl, right? >> jimmy: we analyzed the show maybe a little too closely. it seemed like you were the only one that was getting any tongue on the show. that's a real giveaway.
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>> kimmel got a little too close. >> look at him. come on, girls. look at him. jshg well -- ali, at what point did you decide that roberto was the guy? >> you know, we always had a really strong connection from the very first night when i gave him the first impression rose. and i always had a feeling, a really strong feeling. but i just knew in the end, when all i wanted to do was see him -- when i knew i had a great guy, chris, who's wonderful and -- >> jimmy: amazing some would say. >> amazing, amazing, sure. you know, i just knew that -- the fact that i didn't want to leave roberto and i wanted to stay with roberto just showed me that's who i wanted to be with and i wanted to put everything i had into him. >> jimmy: i always wonder about that. it always comes down to two people at the end. but usually the bachelor or bachelorette is like, you know, kind of going back and forth. i'm like, wait if they're really in love, how does it work that you're making out 24 hours before you get proposed to with another person? >> yeah, babe, how does that -- >> i didn't do that!
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>> i'm kidding. ending was perfect. >> jimmy: is this your first fight? like, now, hiding -- >> three months about. >> jimmy: three months. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and how -- i can understand how you do it, because people would expect that you're going to have to be in that situation. roberto, how do you explain to your family friends that i'm disappearing for three months? >> i told -- well, they knew i was doing the show. when i got back, i was like, hey, man, i can't say anything. and it's hard. >> jimmy: so you guys have not been -- have you been together the whole time or been separate? >> we've actually -- we're apart ten days and we're together five days, apart ten days, together five days. >> jimmy: so you spent a total of, what, like 20 days together then? >> yeah, probably. in seclusion. >> jimmy: oh, i see. >> you do a lot of weird things when you're put together and you can't go anywhere. >> jimmy: what kind of weird things? [ applause ] you said weird things. what does that mean? >> we had to entertain ourselves, you know?
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we, like, played games. we made up hand shakes. we did lots of -- >> jimmy: have you learned anything about each other that you didn't know or that surprised you, that sort of thing? >> you know, i had an interesting situation where i learned how i'm supposed to eat popcorn. >> sometimes -- >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> i didn't know there was any other way to eat popcorn. crunch it, makes a lot of noise. >> jimmy: chomp on it. >> and she's like, no, you're supposed to moisten it, it's not supposed to make any noise -- >> you do this. >> jimmy: that's how rhesus monkeys eat popcorn. you moisten the popcorn before you -- >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: well -- what do you mean moisten it? >> i put it in my mouth -- >> i was eating it too loud. >> jimmy: you gently put it in there and let it dissolve on the tongue? >> yes. >> jimmy: yeah. >> right. that's --
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>> jimmy: roberto doesn't do that. >> similar reaction. >> jimmy: nobody does that, by the way. >> it's a weird thing with me. >> jimmy: guys don't have time for that. >> he's learning to love the little weird things about me. >> now when i eat popcorn, even by myself, i'm like -- >> jimmy: so you're hen pecking already. is what's going on here. you have to be really careful. >> she's perfect. >> jimmy: by the way, "people" magazine, they did a vote on and look at this. america picked chris. over roberto. well, it didn't make a difference so nobody needs to worry about it. are you sure you trust your heart more than you trust [ laughter ] >> that's good, jimmy. >> jimmy: so this is very strong now. and forgive me for being a little bit skeptical. you guys do seem like you're very -- but every single time the couple comes here and then something weird happens. and something terrible happens. so that's not going to happen, right? >> not going to happen.
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>> nothing weird, nothing terrible. we have so much faith in our relationship and, you know, we just -- every day, we tell each other, you're my priority, we're going to put each other first, no matter what every single day. >> jimmy: you have figured out when you're going to get married? >> maybe in the spring we're thinking. >> jimmy: in the spring? very nice. unlike the clintons, will you invite the obamas to your wedding? >> absolutely. >> jimmy: i think that would be a very nice thing -- >> my mom wants like 700 people at the wedding so we got to fill up the list. >> jimmy: that's what i want to see on videotape. the wedding. the planning. the crying. >> that's one thing we've been doing when we're cooped up, i put "bridezillas" on, it's like this program, we watch it all day long. >> i don't watch that. i'm doing other stuff. >> jimmy: congratulations to the two of you. i really do hope it works. roberto and ali, everybody. our bachelorette and -- and i
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don't know, the couple i guess. we'll be right back with basil marceaux. hey, smart, we could stay here for the conference. i'm a member of this hotel's loyalty program. well, how far away is it? okay, we take a train 40 miles to a dude ranch where we pick up a couple of horses that we ride to a nearby river. then we canoe upstream to a helicopter that takes us to the conference. or we could book with and stay closer. see, with welcomerewards, no matter where you accumulate 10 nights, you get a free one. huh. smarter. [ male announcer ] accumulate 10 nights and get a night free. welcomerewards from smart. so smart. i'm sorry. why shouldn't my daughter be wearing white? [ male announcer ] need a moment? ♪ don't you think she should be dressed in warm colors? you know, you're right. she is the sunshine of my life. [ male announcer ] when you need a moment, chew it over with twix®. a nourishing treatment into a conditioner.
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>> jimmy: hi there, we're back. our next guest made national news when a one-minute speech he made on local television became a huge youtube hit. he is a republican candidate for governor of tennessee. please say hello to basil marceaux. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what happened to your hand? >> i was making some sausage and
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the fat came out and squished all over my hand. >> jimmy: you have to be careful. >> don't buy any cheap sausage. >> jimmy: it was cheap sausage. that should be part of your campaign platform, don't buy cheap sausage. >> that's right. >> jimmy: let's go over your platform, if we could. first of all, you say -- you believe everyone should carry guns? >> that's correct. after reading the constitution, it says we have right to bear arms against our government. >> jimmy: right. >> so that's -- >> jimmy: would people be required to bear arms? would they have to have guns? >> if they didn't have one, they couldn't represent themselves to protect themselves against the government so -- i probably fine them $10 if they don't -- >> jimmy: you would fine them? >> i'd have investigators on the street, with no power, say, show me your gun. if you don't have one, i'm going to fine them 10 bucks. >> jimmy: would you put lindsay lohan to death if you were the governor of california? >> no. >> jimmy: you would not, okay?
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>> hey, unless she kills someone. then i'd have no choice. >> jimmy: right, okay. now, i want to go through another -- this is a quote from your website. vote for me. if i win, i will immune you from all state crimes for the rest of your life. what does that mean? >> okay, so -- >> jimmy: if i commit a crime, if i vote for you, i'd have immunity? >> well, see, in 1866 -- >> jimmy: yeah, but that was a long time ago. like, what happens if i do something today? i mean, if i do something today, would i have immunity from crime? >> okay, let me explain. if the supreme court came to a point to where they can't rule, they don't know, they go back in history and see if anybody voted for it in history. i couldn't find anything on how to stop traffic stops in the united states. i went back in the past. i found a civil rights act of 1866 that was adopted in the 14th amendment. >> jimmy: that's about traffic? there wasn't cars then. >> no, it wasn't. it made a misdemeanor to break the constitution. right? for anyone.
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you turn them over to the u.s. marshal. that supposed to be a marine today, a civilian. >> jimmy: all right, okay. i'm not sure i get that, but let me ask you another one -- >> well, it says if you're -- you can arrest anyone. anyone who hindered the constitution. it says i can't give all the warrants out so i hire a citizen to give the warrant out. >> jimmy: like police? >> no. because those are the ones we have to arrest. >> jimmy: oh, i see. >> so i have a citizen. so if a citizen hands the warrant to the police, the police will arrest them. so i have to protect them. so they would have to be immune. as a voter that would be the same thing. >> jimmy: is there a mrs. basil marceaux? >> yes. >> jimmy: there is? >> 30 happy years. >> jimmy: she happy you're running? >> she's happy you're running but she's not happy that i put her -- she thinks i put her life in danger by making -- >> jimmy: the sausage? >> no, the stand i'm taking, about turning tennessee a
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republic. >> jimmy: i see. she doesn't want to be involved in any controversy? >> a lot of people in the past that had controversy end up dead. >> jimmy: yeah, that's right, that's right. don't say that in front of her. she's already upset about this. your son is your campaign manager. does he agree with all your -- everything you've said? >> i would say 98.5%. >> jimmy: 98.5. on what do you disagree? >> disagree? well, sometimes, he thinks like my wife. i shouldn't say that i'm going to murder you if you kill someone. >> jimmy: yeah, no, no, he's being ridiculous. >> but, hey, if they do it in a new form democracy in iraq, hey, i should be able to say it. >> jimmy: one more question because we don't have much time. if it doesn't work out in tennessee, would you consider moving to california to become our governor? [ applause ] because -- i don't live in tennessee. this doesn't help me. >> i'd be -- hey, i'd be a governor, any state, as long as i can fix it. >> jimmy: there you go.
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basil marceaux, everybody! potentially the next governor of tennessee. or california. we'll be right back.hmhmhmhmhmh@
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>> jimmy: hey, we're back. i want to thank shaq, ali and roberto. i want to apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. basil marceaux. if there's one message you have foe


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