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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  April 26, 2011 12:00am-1:05am PDT

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that. check out "good morning america." they're live in london with the latest on the royal wedding. until tomorrow night, good night, america. my mother got me an easter basket again this year. i'm 43. >> martin short. >> i look good. have i had work done? >> kat dennings. and music from alter bridge. >> you know what they say, if you love something, set it free if it comes back, it's yours. if it doesn't, you weren't paying it enough to have sex with you. paying it enough to have sex with you. >> let's parcbty we need to solve the problem. the state budget crisis threatens our economy... and our schools. loans to small businesses on hold. job creation at a standstill. 30,000 teachers already laid off. can we really afford billions more in cuts? $13 billion more devastates our schools, our safety, and the california we know. it's time for lawmakers to finally get the problem solved now.
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our kids and economy can't afford to wait.
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>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel, for the new lexus ct hybrid. technologically advanced, aggressively-styled, and built to help you escape convention. it has surprising agility, gets a combined 42 miles per gallon and has four drive modes. including sport mode, which gives you a noticeably more responsive and engaging ride. on friday, guillermo paid a visit to lexus's earth night celebration. and i think the word that best describes that visit is unconventional. >> if you're ready, let's kick off the first ever earth night celebration. >> ready. yeah! how do they do that? how does this work? >> well, what we do is we have
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six zones of video with two projectors apiece and everywhere that image meets, it's split into another to take six zones and make them one giant video screen. >> wow. >> lexus took a very unconventional approach in creating earth night and all the magic you see on the wall here. they're unconventional like that. >> you are unconventional too. >> i think so. >> me too. happy earth night! wow! >> i've heard this car has the highest fuel efficiency of any luxury car on the market. >> wow, this is very unconventional. >> lexus unconventional. >> yeah, exactly. tonight, unconventional. that's unconventional. this is unconventional. ct hybrid lexus, unconventional. wow. wow! whoo! >> dicky: the lexus ct hybrid. unconventional, unexpected, unconfined and unlike any hybrid you've ever known. go to for more info. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is
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back in two minutes with kat dennings, music from alter bridge and martin short. [ male announcer ] this top stylist tested new suave professionals hair spray versus sebastian zero gravity. do you see, when i touch it? it moves perfectly. i cannot tell the difference.
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[ male announcer ] new suave professionals. reformulated to work as well as top salon brands. of course. ugh. ♪ [ male announcer ] icy cool intensity so you're prepared no matter how close you get. where were we? dentyne ice. practice safe breath. love when that happens. [ male announcer ] applebee's introduces two new sizzling entrees. starting at $8.99.
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fresh flavor never sounded so good. new sizzling entrees only at applebee's. open 'til midnight or later. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- martin short. from "thor," kat dennings. and music from alter bridge. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live and now here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. thank you. i'm jimmy. thanks for watching. thank you for being here.
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[ cheers and applause ] thank you for missing me with your regards. i hope you had a good holiday weekend. i have a weird family. every one of them, right, cleto? the only ones that are even kind of normal are people that have married into the family unwittingly. >> cleto: right. >> jimmy: my mother got me an easter basket again this year. i'm 43. 43 years old. i get an easter basket every year. when i turned 30 i thought it might stop. it didn't. and it probably won't stop at 50 either. i'll be the only 70-year-old man getting easter baskets from my mom. the woman loves putting jelly beans into wicker. it's as simple as that. we had a big family easter gathering at my cousin's house yesterday. cleto was there. guillermo was there. it was a tough day. dicy ky was there also. first of all, i made eight gallons of strawberry lemonade which spilled in the back seat of my car on the ride over. and then they rented a bounce house for the kids to bounce in and i was in there wrestling with my nephew and with a couple
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of my little cousins. some kid i didn't even know bit me. [ laughter ] all of a sudden i felt a sharp pain. i didn't want to like lunge because there were kids around. i look over and i see this 3-year-old clamped on to my arm, shaking his teeth like a dog, just -- [ laughter ] and i said, hey! don't bite! and he scurried out of the thing. and so when i climbed out and i told my mother. [ laughter ] and she did nothing about it. she just sat there. she could have at least gone over and pulled the mother's hair, right, the kid, i mean -- [ laughter ] i don't need an easter basket. i need protection from 3-year-olds! so that's how things are going. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. can you get -- can you get rabies from a child? [ laughter ] maybe he should be quarantined, you know? today at the white house, 30,000
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people showed up for the 133rd annual easter egg roll. the easter egg roll is an opportunity for children from all over the country to come to the white house and spend a fun afternoon looking for the president's birth certificate. [ laughter ] nobody found it. i'm not sure why they do it the day after easter. maybe the candy is half priced that way. but they do. and then after the rolling of the eggs, the president and first lady read to the kids which for some reason turned out to be hilarious. >> chicken chicken boom boom. a told b and b told c i'll meet you at the top of the coconut tree. >> no, you skipped a page. [ laughter ] >> whee said b to efg. i'll beat to the top of the coconut tree. >> chick a chick a boom boom, will there be enough room? here comes h up the coconut tree. >> and i and j and tagalong k all on their way up the coconut
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tree. >> chick a chick a boom boom. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and so it went. i don't know who's picking the books. [ cheers and applause ] if i was the book picker, i would pick one where the president the united states doesn't have to say the words chick a chick a boom boom over and over again but that's just me. people do dumb things on easter. we're talking about -- yesterday -- we're talking about every kid knows that santa lives at the north pole but no one ever bothers to ask where the easter bunny lives. no one cares about how he gets to the house. no one writes him letters. no one leaves him cookies. i don't know, to me, a life-sized rodent with human level intelligence is a lot more interesting than a guy with a beard but not to these kids. this morning in tulsa, an anchor on the local cbs news dressed her dog like the easter bunny and in doing so earned tonight's award for excellence in reporting. >> a couple of pictures from the weekend that i wanted to share. this one is from my home. a lot of folks may know i just
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adopted a rescue dog back in january. god love her, she's just going to have to suffer through some of the things that i like to do at my house. so put little easter bunny ears on her. her name is isa, so i'm calling her the isa bunny. isa bunny. [ laughter ] >> isa bunny. well. [ cheers and applause ] somebody needs to rescue that rescue dog. i'm guessing there's no mr. news anchor in that house. [ laughter ] we have an easter tradition here at this show. all year long, we see stories about people who see jesus popping up in all sorts of unusual places. whenever a local news station gets a call with a jesus sighting, they rush to the scene. to report it. we collect them. all year long. here with the results of that collecting, it's time for a "where's jesus 2011."
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>> jerry has a torn rotator cuff. look at the image. captured by his mri. it shows his shoulder. it also shows what he thinks is a striking depiction of the face of jesus christ. >> look closely at this rocking chair. do you see the image of jesus? >> he says he was out shoveling when he saw the icicle he says looks like jesus. >> that sure looks like the image of jesus hanging from that telephone post. >> he says his image is engraved in a tree in their front yard. >> the image of christ in this hard christmas candy along with the virgin mary. >> image of jesus and mary on a diffuser for the pizza oven. >> a woman claims to see baby jesus and the virgin mary in a pair of rocks. >> she named it the cross chip and keeps it safely in this box to guard others from eating it. >> my boyfriend always threatens to eat it. >> the face of jesus has apparently appeared in a brisbane pizza. >> i think that is jesus. >> jimmy: yeah. no, it isn't. it's not him. [ cheers and applause ] it's not. i happen to know jesus pretty
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well and there's no way he's appearing in an australian pizza. [ laughter ] brooklyn, maybe. australia, no. a number of tornados have been buzzing the united states this month. st. louis international airport took a direct hit on friday night. it broke windows in the terminal and it tore off part of the roof. cinnabons were flying all over the place. someone got strangled by an auntie annie's pretzel. it was a mess. this is security camera footage. now as you can see, it looks like a normal night at the airport, not too many people there wandering around. and then you see a sign blows over in the back. people way at the end of the hall start running for cover. other people start running. that guy got right out of there. and then these people decided to hit the road too. and then -- now watch on the left side of the screen. you see that guy in the blue shirt? watch the next -- watch the next -- look at how that guy ran. he's like -- like he's riding an imaginary scooter.
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and then everything just flowed through -- can we play the running guy back again? there he is. [ applause ] they say in the event of an emergency, it's best to try to prance to safety. like a bird. the airport's back up and running. they reopened -- they determined that tornadoes were no longer a danger and now we can go back to being endangered by sleeping air traffic controllers instead. one more thing. the big summer blockbuster movies are starting to roll out. one of the most anticipated of all of them hits theaters friday. it's called "fast five." it's the new "fast and furious" movie. the world premiere was held in rio de janeiro last week. guess who got to go down there to check it out? that's right, him. guillermo. here he is at the world premiere of "fast five." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> hi, it's me, guillermo. i'm here in brazil for the
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premiere of the movie "fast five." let's go talk to celebrities. how are you, dwayne? >> i'm doing good, guillermo, how you doing? >> great. >> is that a chimachonga in your pocket? >> a burrito grande. >> grande your ass into the chair, how about that? >> what do you think about rio? >> i love it, man, look, this is a beautiful background. all this energy. you sitting there hot as hell. >> i'm talking about the movie, "rio." the movie. you guys not in that movie? >> what the [ bleep ] are you talking about? >> is it fun to be pretty? >> is it fun to be pretty? it's -- yes, i think it's fun. it's nice. >> hey, i want to ask you, is it fun to be pretty? >> what's that? >> is it fun to be pretty? >> are you hitting on me right now? what's going on? >> no, but you have a nice smile. you're very sexy. you have beautiful eyes. >> this has got real awkward all of a sudden.
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>> why your teeth so white? they're freaking me out. >> why are they freaking you out? >> they're so white. like a vampire. >> a vampire? >> yeah. >> all right, you want to come with me so i can show you how -- how i drive? >> let's check it out. let's see what you got. >> all right. look this is my car. >> that's a nice looking car there for sure. let's do this quick, man. get in on the other side. got to make it to the movie. [ laughter ] >> you're an action-packed kind of guy, aren't you? >> are you ready, mr. paul walker? >> i'm ready, let's see what you got. >> all right, let's do this. >> tell you what, push in the clutch there. >> okay. >> all the way to the floor. it's called movie premiere, buddy, come on, let's go. >> okay, hold on. >> i think i should drive. >> okay. >> all right? >> hey, guillermo, look at this. you push in the clutch. >> oh, okay. hey!
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hey, paul, where you going? wait for me! hey, little girl, look, vin diesel over there. ♪ her name is rio ♪ and she dances on the sand ♪ just like that river twisting through the dusty land ♪ ♪ and when she shines she really shows you all she can ♪ ♪ oh rio rio dance across the rio grand ♪ ♪ >> i'm the new face of this franchise. i'm like the rock but i'm more sexy. you know, more good looking. i have a moustache. he doesn't have a mustache. ♪ >> coming summer 2012. from the people who brought you "fast five" comes the next chapter.
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>> you can't go. it's too dangerous. >> you don't understand. i'm pregnant! >> my boy! oh, my boy! >> paul walker. >> if you're going to survive, stop thinking like a cop. >> vin diesel. >> i got to go race my car but do me a favor. >> anything. >> don't fall in love with me. >> jordana brewster. >> we find them, we take them as a team, we bring them back. guillermo, for the last time, i'm warning you. >> no, i'm warning you, don't
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fall in love with me. [ laughter ] >> dwayne johnson. >> it's a 5,000 horsepower machine. >> 5,000? don't be ludicrous. >> ludacris. >> that's your name. >> tyrese gibson. >> lewdincrease, ludicrous, get it? ludacris. >> and introducing guillermo rodriguez. "mucho fast," mucho furioso 6." he can't drive stick. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very nicely done. guillermo, everybody. hay, we got a good show tonight. from the new movie "thor," kat dennings is here. we have music from alter bridge, and we'll be right back with martin short so stick around. [ male announcer ] rough, dry skin taking over.
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>> jimmy: hello there, welcome back. tonight on the show, a lovely young woman whom you can see in the new movie "thor" which opens next friday. you know, originally, i was supposed to play thor. but they said they wanted blonde. anyway, kat dennings is here. and then later, music from this their latest album called "a b iii," alter bridge from the bud light outdoor stage. and if you like what you see, and live in the area, you can join them live at the city national grove of anaheim on wednesday. tomorrow night, we'll be joined by mark ruffalo, jamie oliver, the latest casualty from "dancing with the stars will be with us and, we'll have music from robbie robertson. then, later this week, sofia vergara, jaimie alexander, manny pacquiao, larry king, and music from augustana -- don't complain -- and the airborne toxic event.
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it doesn't make people feel good when you say aw. our first guest tonight is an unusually funny man, whom you know from his years on sctv and "saturday night live," and from many films and television programs of note. without him, there would have only been two amigos. for instance. on friday, you can hear his voice in 3d in the new movie "hoodwinked too! hood vs. evil." please say hello to martin short. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: something -- >> give me your hand again. someone ate a hot dog. >> jimmy: my easter basket was
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filled with them. the little vienna ones. you have to fish them out of the then, you know. >> yeah, the little wiener ones, yeah. happy easter -- boxing easter we call it. >> jimmy: boxing, is that right, is that a canadian thing? >> by the way, this is not something a man usually says to another man but you look stunning. >> jimmy: oh, thank you very much. as do you. [ cheers and applause ] >> well, thank you so much. >> jimmy: you always look wonderful. >> no, no, you really do. you've lost that whole glenn beck bloat. you look good. >> jimmy: thank you. >> no, i mean, i was alarmed. i thought the aspect was wrong in the tv. it wasn't. no, you look very good. you're in great shape for someone who's let himself go. i think that's -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i really did. i've been nibbling instead of eating. that's my new thing. i don't eat anymore. >> and you have the posture of a ballerina. i saw the video. level with me, you were the stunt double for natalie portman in "black swan," weren't you? >> jimmy: i really don't -- i have a little hump, i know, i
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know. >> i look good. have i had work done? i look -- you know -- >> jimmy: you just noticed yourself in the monitor? >> i look timeless. >> jimmy: yeah, you do. you are a timeless beauty. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you so much. thank you. i'm a health nut, you know? >> jimmy: are you? >> even this easter i forced our family to hunt easter egg whites. you see, and that -- [ laughter ] [ rim shot ] thank you so much. hello. >> jimmy: how are you, how's everything? >> i'm very good, i'm lovely, i'm lovely. >> jimmy: i'm glad to hear you. it's great to have you here. i know you just had a birthday. >> yeah, i know, i'm 61 years of age. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: happy birthday. >> 61. i swung -- i went down to -- with paul schaeffer and eugene levy and i had a boys -- five day boys trip in miami. >> jimmy: nice. >> paul has a fabulous place there. and we did nothing.
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you know, we would -- we went out to five hip spots. the hippest spots in miami. paul organized it. and -- and he was -- the fans go nuts because they think he's howie mandel. we chatted. you know, he always thought that al peacha was taken orally and that's his big problem. the weirdest part of this trip -- and there's no story, obviously, to the trip. except that, you know, each night we'd get a limousine, we'd go to some hip place, and we'd go back to his apartment, paul's apartment. one night, i said, no, no, we got to walk the streets. got to walk. and eugene. well, i think, you know, because we're so visible, it might, you know, be a problem. i said, no, eugene, it's no problem. don't be silly. we're walking along. no one cared less about paul and i. but eugene is huge in the african-american community. >> jimmy: he is? >> yes.
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because of "bringing down the house." queen latifah said "you got me street tripping, boo." eugene was mobbed everywhere he went. paul and i were pissed off because no one paid attention to us. it literally goes -- in the african-american community it's tyler perry, eugene levy. >> jimmy: really? what exactly was it the queen said to -- >> you got me street tripping, dude. >> jimmy: that explains it. if she's got him straight tripping. speaking of the queen, you're a canadian. >> si, senor. >> jimmy: subject to the queen, true? >> the queen of england is the queen of canada. >> jimmy: queen of your money too. >> yeah, she's on the money. she's not the queen of my money. >> jimmy: yeah, she is the queen of the money. i looked it up beforehand. so what is your stance on the royal wedding? >> you're really pretty educated. >> jimmy: i know a lot of stuff. >> yeah, i can tell. what is my stance on the royal wedding? >> jimmy: yeah, are you excited? do you have to -- >> i'm completely excited. it's tradition. i love tradition. you know? and the canadians love the queen.
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you know? to see the -- you know, the tradition the queen arriving at westminster abbey, coming out of that carriage, wearing no underwear. that's the tradition -- just at the wedding. commando at the wedding. >> jimmy: have you met the royal family? >> no, but i once got drunk -- which is true -- with queen -- >> jimmy: only one time? >> no, no, with princess margaret, the late sister of the queen. she only had one sibling, margaret. >> jimmy: really? >> this is true. this is all true. >> jimmy: all right. >> and in the mid-90s i was making a movie in london and steve martin was in london and he said, hey, i've been invited to go to a sushi bar with princess margaret, her royal highness princess margaret, do you want to come along? i said no, no, i'm too busy. of course i'm coming along. and so, and so we went there, and she was like she's chain smoking and she's had about 15 scotches and now they're serving
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her the sake. and she keeps tringing it and drinking it. and i'm sitting there and i'm chatting with her. we're all drinking. who are we kidding? and at one point she turned to me and said, you remind me of a lawn cutting boy. you must get that a lot. [ laughter ] so in -- her breath was not -- was not perfection. and, you know, it's the queen -- and i'm sitting there. you see the guards getting a little -- they're watching her because they've seen this before. >> jimmy: uh-huh. [ laughter ] >> at one point, steve martin picked up -- i had a video camera. he picked up the video camera. and i was like talking to princess margaret like that. and she's talking to me like that. at one point, he said, god, even the auto focus is drunk. you know? [ laughter ] >> so anyway, we're talking away, talking away. and now she's getting really drunk. and she's getting very animated. and she's talking about the war. what it was like in the war. and such -- winston churchill would come to our home and we wanted -- she started to cry. and now the secret service are
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looking like this because now she's crying. one of the asian waiters had put a cloth down, as they do, and she picked it up like this. she said, but, you know, i mean, we were stuck and they wouldn't let me marry who i wanted to marry. she put the cloth over her head. and then she kept talking. so it was this thing happening as she was talking. but i don't know. i mean, i was a victim of the palace. and where was i to go? who was i to be? [ cheers and applause ] and then -- and then -- and then she takes it down. and she says -- and then she's trying to calm herself. then she gets going. and we were prisoners and i didn't want to marry -- but she didn't know the waiter had replaced this cloth with a hot cloth. so at one point she goes, i mean, there i was, my sister wouldn't talk to me. aahhh! [ cheers and applause ] scalded her face. so i finally said to her, so how is the queen? how is the queen?
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she said, who are you talking about, my mother, my sister or my husband? so, you know. that was more information than i needed to know. >> jimmy: well, that's great. i hate to get into plug mode here with you because that is a wonderful story but i know you've got a passion project. something you've written. you've directed. you're starring in yourself. >> yeah. it is -- it's a -- look. i hate to use the cliche but it's a labor of love. >> jimmy: a labor of love. >> and yeah, i'm very pleased with it. it opens this weekend. and i would just say show -- >> jimmy: this is going against your movie "hoodwinked." >> i know. that's nuts. with a labor of love, you don't care. you take on a studio. >> jimmy: you're nice enough to bring the extended red band trailer of the film for us. and this is the first time -- this is the exclusive premiere. >> it's right here. and again -- [ cheers and applause ] i'm honored that you would show it. >> jimmy: we're honored to have it. take a look. >> they came for fun in the jersey sun.
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but they transformed into superstars. >> let's party, bitches. >> martin short is -- >> oh, yeah, hairspray! >> pauley d. the situation. >> yo, baby, you got to chill the [ bleep ] out. >> [ bleep ] you, mike. >> jwoww. >> [ bleep ]! >> hurry up or i'm going to need to put on a fresh t-shirt here. yo, it's me vinnie. >> vinnie, sami and ronnie. >> ronnie, seriously, we never totally hooked up. just hand stuff. >> what's going on? >> and snooki. >> yo, what's going on here? >> ronnie! >> come on, snooki. i'll smoosh with you. >> yeah, vinnie. >> and when things start to get hot. >> oh, vinnie. >> yo, we got quite a situation. this is a situation.
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>> it's time for the tub. >> you see that grenade last night? she was all like, i want to be with you, i want to be with you. >> she looked like my nana lena, bro. she looked like my nana lena. >> oh my god, bitches, i think my water broke. >> snooks, you're pregnant, with a baby? >> oh, the baby's coming out my cha-cha! >> oh, my freaking situation. that's a situation. >> wahh-wahh! >> oh, my little baby, bitches. >> it's a pickle. >> my kid's a [ bleep ] pickle? >> your kid's a [ bleep ] pickle.
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>> share in the love. share in the joy. >> come to papa, pickle baby, come to vinnie. >> nine-time academy award winner martin short takes you on the fist pumping journey of a lifetime. >> you ate my pickle baby, you mother [ bleep ]! >> uh-oh. we definitely got a situation. >> oh, my god. >> no! >> jersey short. coming soon to theaters everywhere. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: so talented. martin short. right back with more after this.
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now i got to go in now. bye. >> hey, kirk. >> oh, my friends, it's so good to see you. it has been too long. >> nah, it's been about right. >> did you catch the show tonight? i was on fire. the audience has been so good to me. >> jimmy: that is "hoodwinked too!." opens on friday. martin short is with us. what an amazing likeness. >> thank you. oh, yes, just a quick powder. >> jimmy: is it necessary you've seen "hoodwinked one" to know
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what is going on in "hoodwinked too!"? >> it helps. it's like "godfather 1" and "2." if anybody has a brain in their noggin, they'll rent "hoodwinked one." but that's thursday because friday it opens. >> jimmy: i want to mention your live shows. >> yes. >> jimmy: you think our -- >> jeffrey and i tour around -- >> jimmy: plays with you on your live shows. and this is something that you do. you go around the country and you entertain people. you do characters. all that sort of thing. >> it's a party with marty. many names for the show. one is sunday in the park with george michael. that's in certain cities. but it's a very loose improvised show but all the characters show up. i do about three a month. i think it's always a mistake to never not be on stage. >> jimmy: is that right? >> because you get stale. you have to constantly -- and every audience is great. >> jimmy: if people want to come
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and see you, you're at the dean learner center at walnut creek this friday. when the movie is opening. >> it's a big marty day. >> jimmy: at the performing arts center in wichita on may 21. >> correct. >> jimmy: i'd like to travel with you and listen to your stories. >> i would love you to travel with me. i don't necessarily need to hear your stories. >> jimmy: i'll be quiet and laugh. >> i'll tell you mine. >> jimmy: martin short, everybody. "hoodwinked too!" opens in theaters this friday. we'll be right back with kat dennings. woman: till all the books are read... man: and all the pens are put down... woman: and everything there is to learn is learned. man: till the heroes retire and the monsters return to their dens... woman: and all the plots are wrapped up. man: till that day... boy: by hook or by crook... girl: by book or by nook... woman: i will read.
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>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series, sponsored by bud light. to stream off-air performances and other music videos, go to there's a place where everyone feels at home. where the company, the conversation, and the food make all who enter feel welcome. a place that feels as warm with a crowd... as it does with just a friend. it's a place you'll find town house crackers. because they're part of what makes your place the place. ♪ welcome to town house. where good times reside.
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>> jimmy: later on the show, alter bridge. you know our next guest from "the 40-year-old virgin," "nick & norah's infinite playlist," and soon, her last, is the comic book come to life, it is called "thor," it opens may 6th in 3d. please say hello to kat dennings.
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[ applause ] nice to meet you. >> nice to meet you too. >> jimmy: where you from? >> i'm from pennsylvania. where you from? >>. >> jimmy: i'm from originally brooklyn and then las vegas, nevada. >> oh. >> jimmy: what do you mean oh? what kind of reaction is that? >> i dated two boys from both those places and they both sucked. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: really? >> this is going well. >> jimmy: somebody from vegas, really? i probably know this person. >> oh, let's not talk about that. >> jimmy: it's not good, all right. cleto's from vegas. >> well, you guys are great. i don't think we dated. >> jimmy: well with cleto, you never know. >> cleto: no, no. >> jimmy: well, it's good to meet you. how did you get started in acting from pennsylvania? in the school plays? >> i was homeschooled. >> jimmy: oh, wow. that's a terrible place then. >> we did do like a home school
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school play for the local nursing home. >> jimmy: you did? who was in it? >> i was in it. >> jimmy: well, yeah. >> a few other children were in it. and -- >> jimmy: like siblings or -- >> no, children, humans. who weren't related to me. >> jimmy: not related to you. >> and we did it and we made like all the props ourselves and it was very like home spun sad little "house on the prairie"-style. and the second act curtain went up and all the old people had left. >> jimmy: no. left the earth or left the building? [ applause ] wow. that's bad. >> that's bad. >> jimmy: i mean, old people will sit through almost anything. >> we were like their monthly entertainment. and they were like, forget it. anything but this. >> jimmy: i heard that you just recently started driving. here in los angeles. >> yes. >> jimmy: how did you get around without being able to drive? >> my mom.
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and -- and ex-boyfriends. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. well, like, okay, usually if area a girl, you have -- yeah. you have, like, two or something that are trying to get back with you and there's just no -- yeah. there's just no way, you know what i mean? there's no way. and they did you wrong and it's just not happening. but you can be like, well, drive me to santa monica if you like me so much, you know? >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and they will? [ applause ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: and then when they drive you, are they invited in or do they -- >> no, maybe i will hear them out for two minutes the way and then they can leave after. >> jimmy: oh, really, wow. that's very hard core. >> yeah, in fact -- >> jimmy: it might be prostitution. >> there's no exchange -- >> jimmy: oh, yeah, you're right, it's more fraud. >> they don't try to -- no. but the thing -- the really cruel thing is i have them drive me places and then -- like for instance, the same boy we're talk about who's from las
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vegas -- oh, he's -- >> jimmy: let's not cast dispersions on the whole city because of this one guy. >> he's amazing. yeah, i know, i know. but so he was driving me somewhere -- >> jimmy: siegfried and roy are from las vegas, i'll have you know. >> and they're national treasures. it's not a problem. he was driving me. i was sitting like this and drinking my, like, something. he's like -- >> jimmy: what? >> i'm like, we're here. and it was woody harrelson's house. zbli you were supposed to go there or you just happened to -- >> no, i had an urgent friend situation at woody harrelson's house. so i was like just leave me. we're done with this. >> jimmy: he gave you a ride to woody's house. >> yep. >> jimmy: then did you float on a cloud of smoke back home or how did it work from woody's? [ applause ] >> well -- oh, come on. well -- well, actually, it's something kind of incredible happened after he left. he drove us to someone's house.
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it's a nice house. we get out. open the door. it's paul mccartney. >> jimmy: from the beatles? >> from the beatles. >> jimmy: it's his house? >> it's his -- one of -- yeah, one of his houses, yeah. >> jimmy: wow. and did he let you in or did he call the police? >> well, that's the thing. i was like, oh, my god. you don't let kat dennings in your home, you know what i mean? >> jimmy: what? really? >> well, not in you're paul mccartney. >> jimmy: did you make him pay for letting you into his home? >> no. >> jimmy: did you steal something from his bathroom? >> no, but it was just like, oh, my god, first of all, i was not prepared. >> jimmy: how can you be prepared for that? >> that's what i mean. daily, you just have beatles in your blood like -- they are, they're just there. so i had to, like, don't say anything -- don't say the word "yesterday." don't, don't burst into song. just be cool. just, lake, ike, be cool. if i say something stupid, it's
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not like -- it's my friend, i'll text them and apologize. so just be cool. >> jimmy: now this movie "thor," now, i am a big comic book fan. >> so i hear. >> jimmy: especially marvel comic books so i'm excited about "thor." they worried you weren't nerdy enough for the film? >> this is true. anyone who knows me knows that i am pretty nerdy. >> jimmy: you're pretty nerdy? so you did what? you did what all nerds do. >> well -- >> jimmy: and knit something? [ applause ] it's nerdy. >> well, here's what happened, okay? so we were like, we really would like to give this role to you but you're not nerdy enough. i'm like, give me 20 minutes. >> jimmy: and you transformed into the nerd they were looking for. >> i took that, i sent it, and i'm like, hire me. >> jimmy: i guess it worked. there you go.
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well, congratulations. i'm looking forward to seeing the movie. "thor" opens on may 6th. kat dennings, everyone. be right back with alter bridge. cñcñ
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>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series, sponsored by bud light.
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>> jimmy: this is their latest album, it is called "a b iii." here with the song "isolation," alter bridge. ♪ ♪ ♪ when all is lost to you inside when all the darkness takes the light ♪ ♪ the ritual warning has begun and now you tear away from everyone ♪
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♪ disconnected so alone ♪ sever ties from all you know ♪ isolation brings you to the end until you love again ♪ ♪ isolation if you could only see what will come to be ♪ ♪ justify you waste away you dare to dream but still you're too afraid ♪ ♪ and now you're broken and deceived lost to live this cruel reality ♪ ♪ disconnected so alone severed ties from all you know ♪
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♪ isolation brings you to the end until you love again ♪ ♪ isolation if you could only see what will come to be that's right ♪ ♪ ♪ maybe you'll stand maybe you'll give ♪ and break to find another way and make things better ♪ ♪ maybe you'll find a life you can live and learn to love along ♪ ♪ the way and make things better ♪


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