tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC October 16, 2013 11:35pm-12:36am PDT
. >> thank you for coming. [ indiscernible ] after 16 days the government shutdown is over as of today. [ cheers and applause ] i had nothing to do with it. kind of funny, watching cable news all day. some of the guys in congress are acting like this is a big achievement. i -- if you pick up a gun and don't shoot yourself in the leg with it, that's not really an achievement. [ applause ] right now, devastated ted cruz is filibustering a squirrel on the lawn of the capitol building. if everyone signs off tonight, the government will temporarily reopen until january 15th and the debt ceiling raised until february 7th and we'll do this over again. why do we have a debt ceiling? why can't we get rid of the debt ceiling, have a convertible government and feel the wind in our national hair?
the shutdown has been confusing for those of us that don't know anything. fortunately we have experts like alex castinellos who break it down. >> a friend explained what ted cruz is doing. i finally understand he is having bunny sex. actually -- >> excuse me. >> this is the late night edition. >> in nature there are boom and bust cycles. the snowshoe hare every ten years multiplies six fold. >> are you high? >> jimmy: that's what happens when you have political discussions with your imaginary friends. mrauz mr [ applause ] he was nod high, no excuse. i watched a lot of cnn, a new thing, anchors introducing themselves during the commercial breaks. i was on my computer half paying attention when i heard this promo. >> visit hughesnet 60.com and order today.
and i'm asika and this is cnn. >> jimmy: am i the only one that heard i'm a c cup. >> i'm asika and this is cnn. >> jimmy: congratulations. usually they work at fox news. this is crazy, marine scientist was snorkeling off catalina island off the coast here in southern california and fund a massive ore fish. rarely seen they live 3,000 feet deep. look at that thing. this died and floated to the top. 1 feet long. they can get up to 50 feet long. they eat plankten and small children. everyone is posing by it. look at the length of this. really, remarkable. animal. >> i have seen monsters and this
is cnn. >> they talk too. incredible. >> the artist -- formerly known as snoop dog is changing his name again. snoop dog, released a regae album, changed his name to snoop lion. now working on a funk album we will release under the name snoop-zilla. isn't that a web browser or something? i wonder if snoop remembers his ch changed his name once this year. maybe changes it because he keeps forgetting it. eventually he will call himself greg or something. snoop-zilla will be here monday. i will ask him. unless i forget. in which case. a new product, comes to us from japan, a company, selling limited edition wine for cats. it is a wane for cats. which is great. now our cats are going to get drunk, tell us what they think
about us too. you know what your problem is -- your lap is boney. this is the wine -- it means "meow- "meow-meow" in japanese. in japan. wine and soy sauce come in the same bottles. cats like to get drunk. people won't stop talking in the baby voice all day. they're running commercials for the feline wine in japan. they hired big american celebrity spokesman to endorse it. ♪ ♪ the only wine good enough for my cat. isn't that right, butterscotch? ha-ha, yes.
slow down, little buddy. save some for father. nyan-nyan nouveau. >> 100% safe for feline livers and [ bleep ]. >> nyan-nyan. >> jimmy: might have to try that. this is interesting. and -- an artist in pittsburgh put this together. gathered body mass measurements from countries, put them into a computer, made digital models to show what the average male body looks like in each country. from left to right is the average male in the netherlands, then u.s., france, and japan. the guy, why he is taller, think he is wearing spanx. not fair. they look like they're about to participate in the world's most mediocre orgy, can we see the picture of the american body. okay. i want, i will be honest. that is exactly what i look like
in my underpants. its as if they broke into my home. except i have a thug life tattoo across my stomach. i want to go back to the shut down for, a moment, because it was the big news to day. though it was the main story, nonstop, all day on tv, radio, internet. i suspect that most people still don't understand what happened. so we went out on to hollywood boulevard today. and we asked the following question. do you think republicans did the right thing by allowing obama care to move forward though impending dealt crisis ilcould defend sequester furloughs at national parks and default ceiling fans? now that doesn't mean anything at all. just a bunch of buzzword crammed together. sound like it should mean something. people answered any way. here is our confusing question of the day. >> do you think the republicans did the right thing by allowing obama care to move forward even
though the impending debt crisis could defund additional sequester furloughs and national parks and default ceiling fans? >> yes because the government need to not, government need to start getting going. i mean -- the extra, the extra debt that is accumulated and the repercussions are bad, but i think, universal health care will be a greater ben president for all. >> do you think the debt ceiling fan should be oscillating? >> yeah, yeah, to a certain extent. it can oscillate to a certain extent. but with that there is all way the idea you can keep raising the debt and raising the debt. i think there should be a cap on how much debt should be raised to. >> do you think the republicans did the right thing by allowing obama care to move forward though the impending dealt crisis -- >> no. >> so you think the republican were wring to default on the ceiling fans? >> i do. >> do you think the ceiling fans
need to be reupholstered, what would be the right thing to do? >> i would guess so, yeah, reupholstered. >> ceiling fan powered by electric or solar power? >> solar power, right, it would be good. >> of all the sequesters in the government, who is your favorite? >> bill clinton. >> do you think the ceiling fans should be allowed to oscillate? >> i think -- i think we need to consider maybe not having one. maybe, maybe, like another solution. >> man putting it on a low setting? >> something. something that -- >> because it shakes around so much when it is high, you know? which do you prefer sequester or furlough?
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jimmy: tonight on the program from the movie "12 years a slave" chiwetel ejiofor is here we have music from arctic monke monkeys. today is national bosses day. the guy down the hall was about to get a promotion. and he thought i better do something. it is a national day of ass kissing is what it really is. i hope you didn't forget. if bruce springsteen is your boss, do you have to get him two gifts. all throughout the government shutdown, people were saying congress was acting like a bunch of kids. congressmen said they brought the adults in the room to settle this today. i thought it would be interesting to watch a group of actual children for their opinions on this subject. and so i did. here now is the first installment of our hard-hitting news discussion panel, we call it kids' table. welcome to kids table. i am your host. this is jimmy kimmel.
these are our kids. today's topic, politics. what are politics? >> it's, politics are kind of like, barack obama, the government. >> what its the president's snam. >> president obama. >> barack obama. >> barack obama. >> jimmy: barack obama. >> >> jimmy: how do you spell marack? >> m-a-r-a-c-k, >> jimmy: marackobama. let's move on. what is the government shutdown? braxton, we'll start with you? >> basically it is, the government shutdown, the parks in which we need them to open it. braiden, you, what do you think? the government shutdown is when
the president they shut down parks and people who work for the government. >> jimmy: that is exactly right, braiden. why do you think this is happening? braxton, do you? >> the government should step it up and stop being cry babies and make up their mind! >> jimmy: what do you thing of that, guys? next question. america owes china a lot of money. $1.3 trillion. how should we pay them back? >> kill everyone in china. >> jimmy: kill earn in china. that's an interesting idea. >> build a huge wall. >> jimmy: build a huge great, kind of wall. that would never happen. >> jimmy: when you owe some one money should you pay them back? >> never. >> jimmy: then they won't lend you money anymore? >> oh. then that is a problem.
>> jimmy: should this country be forced to pay our own debts. >> yes. >> jimmy: you just said kill everyone in china. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: should we allow the chinese to live? >> yes. >> no. >> no. >> if weave don't allow them to live. they will fry to kill us. >> then they will all be killed. >> they will all be killed. then they won't pay us. >> jimmy: this has been an interesting edition of kids table. the lord of the flies edition. thank braiden, ava, braxton, alley. you've been wonderful. let's take a gummy break, shall we? >> yuck! >> want to see something gross? >> ew. thank you for watching kids table. we'll be back next week when our topic will be, what will our topic be next week? >> spotlight. >> spot lights. thank you for watching.
>> jimmy: we have a good show for you from the movie "12 years a slave" chiwetel ejiofor is here we have music from arctic monkeys and we'll be right back with danny mcbride. so stick around! [ crowd ] awww. [ camera shutters clicking, crowd groans ] no. closer. ♪ ♪ i am a veggie, i am so tasty 2007 called, it wants its camera phone back. ♪ and i am filled with vitamins and minerals ♪ how's this for a drama shot? ♪ la la la la la la why aren't we getting closer? [ guy ] with the nokia lumia 1020, we've got the best seats in the house. ♪ [ male announcer ] meet the nokia lumia 1020 with 41 megapixels and reinvented zoom. nothing else comes close.
jimmy: welcome back. his critically acclaimed movie "12 years a slave" opens in theaters friday chiwetel ejiofor is here tonight. they say he is the front-runner for best actor right now. if the academy can learn to pronounce his name. and then after graciously stepping aside last week to make way for kanye west their album is called "am" arctic monkeys from the sony outdoor stage. we've got a good show for you tomorrow night from scandal, one of our favorites, kerry washington, we'll have music from sleigh bells, and science bob pflugfelder will be here he's bringing a laser to kill everyone with. i'd also like to take a moment to wish a happy anniversary to my surrogate parents cleto and sylvia escobedo. they were married 50 years ago tonight. >> thank you. thank you very much. thank you. >> jimmy: cleto and sylvisylvia. her plane arrived late.
she couldn't make the show. >> jimmy: you are spending it separately. do you have a plan? >> we'll go out to dinner. >> jimmy: 50 years, seems like too much. >> hard to believe it's been 50 years. >> jimmy: you know what the 50 year gift is, it's enough already. >> thank you, jimmy. thank you, jimmy. thank you very much. >> jimmy: i'll come to dinner with you. tonight the face and brain behind one of the most delightfully obnoxious characters of all time. his very funny show is called "eastbound and down" watch it sunday nights on hbo. please welcome the great kenny powers - danny mcbride. >> good to see you. >> jimmy: good to see you too. awe thank y
. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i love the show. really, really look forward to it on sundays you. play kenny powers, a baseball player. you were never a baseball player in real life, true? >> never a baseball player. a buddy of mine, jody hill and myself created the show. a lot of times we worried about the writing we never think i have to do the stuff that we write. it wasn't until after we set the show up. we were a week away from shooting that we both looked at each other. i play a major league pitcher in this. supposed to know how to throw a baseball, right. i can't throw. >> jimmy: do you cover that up. train, what do you do? >> a lot of closeups. go in very close. >> jimmy: people must expect you, you probably get invited to do baseball related charity events? >> i do. got invited to throw out the first pitch of a ton of games. i have an excuse or a funeral i have to go to. >> jimmy: will you ever do it? >> never. >> jimmy: you need a fake cast or something like that. so you can, throw with your left hand. people go. >> that's what it was about. >> jimmy: you did get hurt on
the show this season. you brought a videotape. >> i did. busted on the show this year. you know we don't think about that i have to execute the things we write. so -- during the season there is a part where, kenny powers goes to a skating party. it didn't dawn on me until i got there. i haven't put skates on since i was 12 years old. so -- it -- >> jimmy: we have it. see what happened. this is an official blooper, i think. >> moving around pretty good. and then loose. right there. that's real. >> jimmy: real, not imagined. let's do that in slow motion. always fun that way ow. >> there we go. for the rest of the season i walk weird. >> jimmy: did you hurt yourself? >> i did. they took me to the emergency room after that. i tried to act like everything was fine the i took the skates off. my toes were convulsing.
i couldn't stand up straight. >> jimmy: were people worried? >> terrified. like, i am in every scene of the show. so they like, laid me down. there was like everyone was around. all the producers. a lot of my friend work on the show. looking at me concerned. you know what is going to happen. going to finish shooting the show. and i don't know what it was. just seeing how scared they all were. made me, though i was hurting i really wanted to mess with them. so i started kind of look goingen and out of consciousness. i started kind of look saying, did you see me out there. i was beautiful. >> jimmy: ha-ha. >> they were confused. they were like is something happening right now. has he lost his mind? >> a weird thing when you realize. i had been injured a couple times shooting the thing. people are more concerned more with their well being than theirs. >> marilyn manson is, i know he is a big fan of the show. you worked him into the show this season, right?
>> we were looking at his tour schedule. he was going to be near north carolina where we are shooting. wouldn't it be weird if marilyn manson came to north carolina while we were shooting and saw what that was like. so he showed up. we actually like, threw a wig on him. took his makeup off. put him into a scene of the show. but, he was a great guy, completely nice. completely cool. but the day he left, we are staying at a small, mom, and pop hotel. family friendly. manson stayed there too. when he left, we got a call from the hotel. they're like, manson trashed the room. we were like, really that's odd. yeah, the lady said there was pizza on the ceiling. red liquid everywhere. broken glass. she said there were sex toilys. sunny wouldn't describe what they were. >> jimmy: you asked her to. >> please, i need more details.
how many ribs are on it. in my head he was friendly and nice. i wonder if there is an element he has to sort of portray that sort of crazy edge. i was imagining sitting in the hotel room, reading his kindle. catching up on downton abbey. check out time comes. pulls out the satan toys. destroys the room. >> jimmy: maybe people would be disappointed if he didn't do anything. >> that's what happens. this character is a monster. when people meet me they're extremely disappointed. >> i feel the same way. same way. not disappointed. but it is odd because you have so much bravado. and whatever. >> i have none of that. >> jimmy: quiet. friendly guy. try to be a more of a [ bleep ]. >> i should. i will work on it. >> jimmy: we will take a break, and when we come back we'll meet stevie from the show. i love. i think he is hilarious. see a scene from next week's "eastbound & down."
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[ clapping ] >> word. >> fresh. >> dope. >> jams. >> badonkadonds. >> street talk. that's what we are here today. you are thinking, who the hell this cracker think he is, walking up here this [ bleep ]. don't be thinking that kind of stuff, don't be racist. our next guest plays the eternally-devoted and strangely-demented friend stevie on "eastbound & down." please welcome steve little. jimmy: danny mcbride! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: i am wondering if you are like stevie, you have the same name, was that planned?
>> no that was a coincidence. stevie in the script. that's what everybody wonders like how much i am like that guy. >> jimmy: not? >> 98%, i guess. not. >> jimmy: they make you do a lot of terrible things on the show. does that excite you when you are doing something, unbelievably -- >> i wouldn't say it excites me. it's -- part of the job. >> jimmy: do you ever say, no, no, no. >> there was one time where i said that. and it was -- i think in the third season. i broken up with my -- wife. and i was very sad about it. they asked me to shave my head and eyebrows. which i did. then they wanted me to shave my -- my body. and be drunk, come out of the bathroom naked throw up on my penis. and then and then my line to him
was "what's up?" and he was going to say -- >> >> "something like nothing, just watching you throw up on your penis." >> jimmy: you declined the invitation. don't you want a peabody award? >> i don't know where the line is. i don't know where the line is. some where. >> in that area. are you married? >> no. >> jimmy: a girlfriend? >> no, eh, you know? >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: something going on we should know about? >> no, no. we had lindsay lohan on. >> jimmy: she is your girlfriend? >> no. no. >> she was on -- on set this year. >> jimmy: she was. she is going to be on the show. >> she is going to be on the show. it was just after, a lot of drama. and so, i was talking to her thinking i could get, i don't know, get in there, fix it,
something like that. and so here is my angle. [ laughter ] >> right. so we, we shoot a little bit. then it is lunchtime. and then i go up to lindsay, i say, hey, you know what? we got the same birthday. me and you. you know, i thought look this would lead to -- i don't know what i thought it would lead to. sunny was like, oh. she wasn't impressed with that. and our birthday is july 2nd. me, lindsay lohan, jose canseco and they're good marshal. >> the big four. >> jimmy: yeah. >> should have used the line on one of those guys? >> i should have. then i cam e up to her two hour later. and said, after being reneged. july 2nd, there is 187 days on one side of it and 187 of the other, it is the exact middle of
the year. >> didn't get you anywhere. >> dent get me anywhere. >> steve often struggled with begs ab being able to make his fame, turning into luck with lady. we tried to help steve each season. i am married. i live vicariously through steve's exploits. in the second season, matthew was a guest star. i was lucky to be in a conversation where steve was asking matthew tips on huh to seal the deal, seal the deal with lady. and gave him good advice. if you dent waidn't want to be weird. if he got a gerl irl to his roo. suggest he was going to take a shower. and leave the card in their hand what they wanted to do. >> that was his advice. he said you know what you got to do, go tell them, you want to take a shower. and then he said, i found the
one experience in human existence that everybody loves, who doesn't like a shower? >> jimmy: did you try it? >> i did. and -- for frz ththey had alreay earlier that day. >> jimmy: steve little and danny mcbride -- "eastbound and down" airs sunday nights at 10 on hbo. we'll be right back with >> ford fiesta movement, ford gave contestants the technology back and ford fiesta to complete hundred of missions see at fiesta movement.com. their latest mission was the running of the bulls stunt with the group improv everywhere. do a lot on the internet. guillermo loves to run. did you enjoy running with the
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jimmy: our next guest is a golden globe-nominated actor who stars in a film that many believe could earn him an academy award. >> days ago i was with my family in my home. now you tell me all is lost. tell me that's the way to survive. well i don't want to survive. jimmy:"12 years a slave" opens in select theaters friday - please welcome chiwetel ejiofor.
>> jimmy: do your friends call you chiwetel. no shortening thing? >> they do. the whole way. >> jimmy: congratulations on the great movie, great performance. everybody is talking about it. >> thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: and you are on the cover of "hollywood reporter" with brad pitt. how about that? that's pretty big. a big deal. a big deal for you? >> brad was such an amazing part of this whole process. and i don't think we would have been able to make the film without him. >> jimmy: i think you would have been able to do it without him. >> you think so? >> jimmy: where are you from? >> london. oh. one person, yeah. >> jimmy: when did you come to the united states, how old were you when you came here? >> the first time i was in america, i did -- an exchange kind of theater exchange thing. >> jimmy: oh. >> when i was 14, 15. >> jimmy: big deal for a kid to do something like that?
>> it was massive. it was a great thing. organized through the school. the first time tie was in the states. it took like a little getting used to. >> jimmy: why what was the culture difference? >> i suppose i had grown up on a lot of american television and everything. i hadn't. i wasn't aware of the size and everything. how fridges, refrigerators. in england you got this tiny little thing, and staying with a family, middle-class family. walked into the kitchen. i couldn't believe it, it was look a space ship. >> jimmy: probably why we are so fat. >> the family looked normal sized. but i was saying to the people there, that the, the fridge with food, we would feed the family back in london for 20 years. >> jimmy: that's interesting. what about hollywood. when did you come here? >> i would here for the first time when i was 19. i was here to do amistad.
>> jimmy: steven spielberg. wow. that's a hell of an entry. >> it's true. >> jimmy: they put you up, i would imagine? where did you shoot? shot that here? >> we shot that all in, in los angeles, yeah. i was like, at drama school, got the part. flew out. they put me up at the universal sheraton. >> i couldn't drive. >> jimmy: universal city. >> i was there three months, two or three days a week. >> jimmy: don't know if this means anything. the idea that the cast of amistad is at universal city walk. >> i thought city walk was hollywood. for the whole three months. i was like, this is it. >> jimmy: really. >> made it. made it. >> reporter: bubba gump shrimp company. >> top of the world. photos home, everything. >> jimmy: what about your first meeting with steven spielberg? >> well that was amazing
actually. obviously look anybody i was just a huge fan of his. >> jimmy: i don't care for his work, it is a weird thing. >> yeah. i remember the whole time being a blur. kind of a haze. it wasn't really until later on, after we finished when we finished shooting amistad. he went over to england to do "saving private ryan." and they had built this, built this town, this sort of replica french town. and in the middle of the countryside some where. and sort of blown it up. just to give the authentic feel. i was asked by spielberg, back in london. he said why don't you come down and visit it the set some day. you know? and so they organized this trip for me to go out. limo turns up at the house. i am like see you all later, i'm going off to see steven spielberg now. i get down there how to like, i think hayes. and it's -- truly the most
incredible thing i have ever seen. this place. hundreds of like, you know, german soldiers running around. there is planes in the air, whole buildings blown up. gis, it's look this whole experience. you know, matt damon in the middle of it all. >> uh. yeah. yeah. don't worry about it. [ cheers and applause ] exempt for th except for that. that sound. >> steven was amazing. he turned around to me and he was like "welcome to the second world war" the scale of everything. >> jimmy: like he owns his own time machine. this movie "12 years a slave" based on a true story, a story that you weren't familiar with. i did not know about this story before this? >> i didn't know anything about the story. it is the story of solomon northrup, born a free man in 1841, in new york, in saratoga, who is tricked, a musician, and
they -- couple of of guys, invited him to play a gig. tricked him. and they put him on a ship going to -- new orleans. changed his name. spent the next 12 years of his life a slave. his family didn't know what happened to him. he had a couple of kids. a wife. and so -- and so, how this process of 12 years. eventually managed to get out of the situation. and get back and wrote this story. which is our only, one of the few, sort of, from really, deep inside the -- the slave experience. >> yeah. an amazing story. congratulations on, on the movie. i mean it's -- >> thank you. >> jimmy: must be overwhelming, what its ahead of you for sure. jimmy: chiwetel ejiofor! "12 years a slave" opens in theaters this friday. when we come back - music from arctic monkeys.
this is their latest album am here with the song "do i wanna know" you can see this one and more at jimmykimmellive.com. arctic monkeys. ♪ have you got color in your cheeks do you ever get the feeling that you can't shift the tide that sticks around ♪ ♪ like so much in your teeth and some aces up your sleeve i had no idea that you're in deep i dreamt about you nearly ♪ ♪ every night this week how many secrets can you keep 'cause there's this tune i found that makes me think of you somehow ♪ ♪ and i play it on repeat until
i fall asleep spilling drinks on my settee ♪ ♪ do i wanna know if this feeling flows both ways sad to see you go was sorta hoping that you'd stay ♪ ♪ baby we both know that the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day ♪ ♪ crawlin' back to you ever thought of calling when you've had a few 'cause i always do ♪ ♪ maybe i'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new now i've thought it through crawling back to you ♪ ♪ so have you got the guts been wondering if your heart's still
open and if so ♪ ♪ i wanna know what time it shuts simmer down and pucker up i'm sorry to interrupt it's just i'm constantly on the cusp ♪ ♪ of trying to kiss you i don't know if you feel the same as i do but we could be together if you wanted to ♪ ♪ do i wanna know if this feeling flows both ways sad to see you go was sorta hoping that you'd stay ♪ ♪ baby we both know that the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day ♪