tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC July 3, 2017 11:35pm-12:38am PDT
i'm dan ashley. >> i'm ama daetz. for schuh, drew, thinks for joining my name's dorothy. i'm the owner of everett and jones barbecue in oakland, california. our special tonight is our homemade meats. that comes with two sides of cornbread for the price of $18. let's get this show started! [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, sarah silverman, from the chicago bulls, jimmy butler, judge james, "this week in unnecessary censorship," and music from post malone. and now, hang tight, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> jimmy: thank you very much. hello, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. that's too much already. hello again to those of us who joined us earlier in primetime for "nba game special," shame on those who didn't. the cleveland cavaliers faced off against the golden state warriors in a matchup that some are describing as basketball. [ laughter ] not only was it the first game of the nba finals, it is also today the first day of june. june is something that happens almost every year. [ laughter ] for some reason this year it caught a lot of people by surprise. >> it is thursday, june 1st. >> cannot believe it, can you? >> do you believe it, it's june 1st. >> hard to believe it's june. >> hard town are june is already. >> hard to believe today is june first. >> i can't believe it's june. >> it's hard to believe it's june 1st. >> it's june 1st. >> i can't believe it's june. >> i know, june 1st. >> i cannot believe it's already june 1st.
>> hard to believe it's june already. >> it's june. >> it is june. >> can you believe it's june already? >> no, it's unbelievable. >> do you believe it? that we're in june? >> may went by quickly. >> first day of june, flipping the calendar over, make sure you do -- go accordingly, nothing worse than starting to write on it "may," and darn, it's june already. >> jimmy: that is the worst, it's worse than lyme disease. [ cheers and applause ] i get it. how can you really be surprised by june? may is the longest month. it goes on forever. it's like being surprised by the moon. where the hell did you come from? president trump rang in the first of june with a major announcement. no one loves to announce an announcement more than donald trump. on twitter last night, he wrote, i will be announcing my decision on paris accord thursday at 3:00 p.m., the white house rose garden, make america great again. it made sense that he did it
from the rose garden. while we still have roses and gardens. [ laughter ] the message he did deliver today was one of hope. as in, i hope this terrible prank america decided to play on itself is over soon. >> in order to fulfill my solemn duty to protect america and its citizens, the united states will withdraw from the paris climate accord -- [ laughter ] >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he does have some support. i really hope that when the ice caps melt, it ruins every rug at mar-a-lago. i know that's harsh but it's just how i feel. by the way it isn't just environmentalists who want us to remain a part of the paris accord.
exxonmobil lobbied to stay in it. shell wanted us in it. walmart supported it. apparently big companies ran the numbers, turns out if climate change destroys human life on earth, it could be bad for business. [ laughter ] this deal that trump backed out of, this is a deal that was signed by 194 other countries. the only two countries who are not part of the paris accord, besides us, are nicaragua and syria. and they're doing great. i guess it's not a surprise, the fact that he pulled out. the president has been very big on pulling out ever since he had donald jr. [ drumroll ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks, everybody. meanwhile, i'm sure you know about covfefe at this point, right? so just after midnight yesterday the president wrote, despite the constant negative press covfefe. and that was it. and with that puzzling half-sentence, for a brief
shining moment, donald trump made twitter great again. [ laughter ] twitter went absolutely berserk. not since phil collins gave us the word "susudio" has a nation been so utterly fascinated and perplexed. you know a typo is bad when even melania is like, i'm pretty sure that's not english, donald. even after trump deleted the tweet, which he almost never does, sean spicer claimed it was intentional. he said it wasn't a typo or a stroke. he said the president -- [ laughter ] and a small group of people know what it means. which is very mysterious and i wanted to get to the bottom of it. i sent our foreign correspondent, that's him. [ cheers and applause ] to a neighborhood here in l.a. that is predominantly russian. you know trump's tight with them. so i sent guillermo to pull this nesting doll apart to see if the code word trump used rang any bells there. >> covfefe.
covfefe. >> no comprende, no kapiche, no understand. >> covfefe. >> i don't understand. >> covfefe. >> i don't understand. what are you speaking about? >> covfefe. >> i have no idea. >> covfefe. >> no, no no -- >> covfefe. >> no speak. >> covfefe? >> no. >> no covfefe? >> no covfefe. >> covfefe? >> covfefe. what is it? >> covfefe. >> it's not russian. >> covfefe? >> no. >> covfefe. candy. >> close to candy? covfefe? >> candy. >> covfefe? >> yes. >> we learned that it's close to candy. [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: all right. we'll get to the bottom of it. very well done, guillermo. as you may know, in addition to my work as talk show host, i also serve as a tv judge. i hear cases along with my trusty bailiff. these are real cases brought by real litigants in small claims court who have agreed to put their legal faith in the always fair and sensible hands of judge james. >> this is the plaintiff. amber harrison. she claims the defendant entered into an agreement to promote her line of wigs but did not fulfill his obligation. she's suing for $3,400. this is the defendant, dante hall. he maintains the plaintiff was disorganized and fell behind schedule, which prohibited him from carrying out his agreed-on duties. it's the case of weaving the scene of the crime. >> guillermo: raise your right hand. >> what you are about to witness
is real. participants are not actors, they're actual litigants about it a case pending in civil court. both parties have agreed to drop their claims to have their case decided here by judge james. >> jimmy: hi, guillermo. >> hi, judge james. the litigants are seated, your honor. >> jimmy: thank you. all right, we got some good-looking hair here in this room. tell the gallery to be seated. >> oh, you can sit down now. >> judge james? >> jimmy: yes. >> i brought you some hair too. >> jimmy: oh, thank you, i need some hair. all right. >> there you go. >> jimmy: oh! wow. i love it. yeah, will you help judge james with his -- >> yeah, sure. >> jimmy: yes, thank you.
this is how i put wigs on. >> wow, judge james. >> jimmy: how do i look? >> that's a wicked weave exclusive. >> jimmy: thank you very much. all right, i do feel very british right now. so amber harrison, you're suing dante hall, also known as tatiti, for a total of $3,400. you claim mr. hall entered into an agreement to engage as brand ambassador on behalf of your company, wicked weaves, but did not fulfill his obligation. >> yes. >> jimmy: mr. hall, do you prefer tatiti? >> you can call me tatiti. >> jimmy: you claimed you tried to fulfill your obligation. >> that's right. >> jimmy: but miss harrison was disorganized and behind schedule, so you quit. is that correct? >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: all right. and may i ask, what is your involvement in this? >> i am the brand ambassador for wicked wigs, i'm jacqueline, ms. jacqueline. >> jimmy: ms. jacqueline. how about ms. jacqueline, huh, guillermo? >> yeah, good looking, nice. >> thank you. >> jimmy: all right. so tatiti, you are an instagram celebrity? >> i'm a personality. >> jimmy: so you post videos and then you enter into agreements to promote various products? >> exactly. >> jimmy: so you asked tatiti to wear the wicked weave? are you wearing a wicked weave right now? >> i am, i am. >> that's crazy, that is so
crazy. i've been asking him for the longest, can you give me back my wig? can you give me my money, or whatever. >> he made videos for other people's products in the wig that he stole. because if he say he quit because of hostile work environment he should have gave the wig back and the money back. >> girl, oh my goodness, here you go. >> wow. >> she wanted it back so bad. >> wow. >> she wanted it back so bad. >> sweat it out. i want the money now. i want the money now. >> jimmy: how much is the wig worth? >> obviously $3,000. >> no. this wig is worth $700. >> jimmy: $700, okay. >> she got that back. >> she paid mr. hall $500? how did we get to $3,400? >> right. >> because it also includes a travel -- so we had -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is a wicked weave. >> yeah. >> i feel like taylor t. now. >> you see, baby, you see. yes, work it, work, work.
>> jimmy: all right. so the days that you're supposed to be working, what were you doing those days? >> helping get her shop ready. >> jimmy: no he wasn't. >> yes, i was. i was helping. >> no he wasn't. >> i was doing this thing on the end, duct tape things on the wall -- >> does that make sense? >> you think he came to help do anything besides eat and drink stuff? >> jimmy: i don't know, maybe. >> i had my own money to do so, keep it cute. >> you keep it cute. >> you keep it cute, jackie. keep it cute over there. that's all you're good for. >> jimmy: did you make up keep it cute or is that a thing i don't know about? >> no, it's gay lingo. >> jimmy: oh, okay. we're learning gay lingo. >> keep it cute, now. >> jimmy: what does that mean exactly? >> keep it cute, she's a cute girl, keep it cute and not talk so much. >> oh, no. you have instagram followers, what do you have besides instagram followers? >> my own place, i don't stay with my mom like you do. [ cross talk and shouting ]
>> you have money but you can't pay me back -- >> sorry, sorry, sorry. >> objection, objection -- >> jimmy: what are you objecting to? >> who are you? >> are you here because of me? i'm going to tell you again -- seth jarvis in the building, you're here because of me. >> i don't know who he is. >> what? >> jimmy: okay. i've heard a lot here. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and i still haven't had a chance to see my wig in the mirror so i'd like to go do that. i and i will be back with my decision on this case. >> keep it cute. >> jimmy: i will. [ cheers and applause ] >> will judge james leave it to amber? or will he decide it's tatiti time? what will become of the romance between miss jacqueline and this hairy horndog?
finding the best hotel price is now a safe bet. because tripadvisor searches over 200 booking sites - so you save up to 30% on the hotel you want. lock it in. tripadvisor. discover card. hooh, you're real?? you know i'm real! at discover, we're always here to talk. good, 'cause i don't have time for machines. some companies just don't appreciate the power of conversation! you know, i like you! i like you too! at discover, we treat you like you'd treat you. get the it card and talk to a real person. except for every ladies' night. vegetarian... only glad has forceflex to prevent rips, leaks, and punctures. so whatever you throw in the bag... stays in the bag.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, there. welcome back to the show. sarah silverman, jimmy butler, music from post malone is all coming. the new york mets are in the market for a new man in their mascot costume. last night after a tough loss to the brewers, some fans were heckling mr. met who responded with a simple silent protest. here it is.
let's look at that in slow motion. there go mr. met's chances of hessing new year's eve with anderson cooper on cnn. [ laughter ] the mets fired him today. why, i don't know. that might be the most new york thing mr. met has ever done. [ cheers and applause ] i support him. and if you think about it what did he do wrong? he only has four fingers on his hand. he doesn't even have a middle finger to give. [ cheers and applause ] he got fired for holding up a ring finger. tough break for mr. met. i don't know if your job is to run around for three hours in the sun with a giant baseball on your head, you should be allowed to flip somebody off once in a while. it's time for the legally binding conclusion to "judge james." >> this wigmaker says she was wellfly ripped off. this instagram influence is isn't having it. this buy fant barrister is tickled pink. judge james is about to rule. let's listen. >> jimmy: it looks good. okay. well, i've reviewed the materials --
>> hold on. you can sit down now. >> jimmy: please sit. i've heard your testimony. it was all very entertaining. tatiti, you were paid $500 to make the video? >> right. >> jimmy: you did not make the video? >> no. >> jimmy: okay. i am inclined to rule in favor of the plaintiff in the amount of $500. i think ultimately if your goal was to promote wicked weaves, i think we've done it here. >> yes, keep it cute, judge! >> jimmy: i think that does keep it cute. i want to also thank you for teaching me a new phrase that i will be using in the future. >> me too, judge. >> jimmy: both of us will be use. he's dancing cute. i rule in favor of the plaintiff in the amount of $500. thank you. everyone may leave. >> thank you. >> all right, judge. >> judge james rendered his investment.
let's speak wilt the defendant. wa were you happy, pleased with judge james' decision? >> i'm pleased. i'm glad she got her money. >> are you sad to give up the wig? >> a little bit. that was my favorite color. >> let's bring in the plaintiff. come on in. now let me ask, what is this made of? >> this is human hair. >> let me see this. i think you know what i think they would like to see the real you. come on, let me see. no, no, no? >> let me tell you something. you can't never pull a black woman's weave off that's a sin. that's a sin. >> i won this hair. >> oh my god. >> i got it! yeah! >> on the next "judge james." >> did you ever take money out of my grandfather's checking account for the purposes of gambling, specifically, video poker? >> are you crazy?
>> you are under oath, you are out of order! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was my aunt chippy. that's a good one. one more thing before we covfefe on. it's thursday night which means it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week, it is "this week in unnecessary censorship." [ cheers and applause ] >> fbi director james comey [ bleep ] by trump will testify before congress. >> the president of the united states putting out this incoherent tweet at 12:06 in the morning, what the [ bleep ] is going on? >> i love [ bleep ]. if i could [ bleep ] in the morning and at night i would -- >> what's preventing you? >> i can't do both. >> go head to head against the celeb and then [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. >> you got a rolex on your first date? >> yes, he said because of the brown face reminded him of my [ bleep ]. >> oh, wait, let me see. it does. >> is president trump really actually sticking his finger in people's [ bleep ]?
>> i think he is but i think that's the point. >> good luck, thank you for joining us. >> [ bleep ] you. >> yes, sir. >> d? >> there is a d. >> another one bites the [ bleep ]. >> good for you. >> raise your hand if you've been [ bleep ]ed by a passenger. really? what the [ bleep ] is going on up there? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight music from post malone. from the chicago bulls, jimmy butler is here. we'll be right back with sarah silverman! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
get 0% financing for 72 months on these 2017 models. or get 20% below msrp on 2017 impala premier and sonic lt. find new roads at the chevy 4th of july sales event. on 2017 impala premier and sonic lt. ♪ and now i'm sure it's more than a stroke of luck ♪ ♪ yeah, i love you, do you love me, too? ♪ ♪ yeah, i love you, do you love me, too? ♪ ♪ clap your hands if it feels good ♪ ♪ clap your hands, ohh you know what i could go for right hmmm some sweet barbeque. ...or spicy! crave van! here, try my new barbeque bacon cheeseburger and chicken sandwich with your choice of sweet or spicy barbeque sauce. you crave it, we serve it. crave van!
♪ [brother] any last words? [boy] karma, danny... ...karma! [vo] progress is seizing the moment. your summer moment awaits you, now that the summer of audi sales event is here. audi will cover your first month's lease payment on select models during the summer of audi sales event. you know what i could go for right hmmm some sweet barbeque. ...or spicy! crave van! here, try my new barbeque bacon cheeseburger and chicken sandwich with your choice of sweet or spicy barbeque sauce. you crave it, we serve it. crave van! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight, he's an all-star from
the chicago bulls. jimmy butler is with us. then, his album is called "stony," i think because he loves to smoke drugs but i don't want to jump to conclusions, post malone from the mercedes-benz stage tonight. sunday night, this is hard to follow. grab a pen. we'll on air again for game two of the nba finals on sunday. before the game on the east coast and central time. after the game in the west. and our 10th annual nba game night special with robert downey jr. and tom holland from spider-man homecoming. new shows next week in both primetime and late night with gwyneth paltrow, michael keaton, sean "diddy" combs, mandy moore, jerrod carmichael, mike tyson, will ferrell, owen wilson, zach lavine, jamal crawford and we will have music from ryan adams, charlie wilson featuring robin thicke, and bebe rexha with lil wayne. seems like too many guests, right? call three of them and tell them to stay home. [ laughter ] our first guest is an emmy-winning actress and
comedian and so many other things we just don't have time to mention. her funny new stand-up comedy special "sarah silverman: a speck of dust" is on netflix now. please say hello to sarah silverman. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? may i say, i don't know what's going on with you but you smell good now. [ laughter ] >> you know my smell is my thing. hey, i'd like to say to you. >> jimmy: oh-oh, what? >> i'm so happy that everything worked out with billy. >> jimmy: oh, thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. >> as my father likes to say, i prayed to the god i don't believe in, and so glad everything worked out and congratulations. >> thank you very much. >> two kids. four kids. >> jimmy: yeah. >> two since us. >> jimmy: yeah.
>> so i guess it really is over. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] i figured that was the best way to tell you. >> i get it. i'm happy for you. >> jimmy: how are you doing? by the way, you had a health scare, a really serious health scare, not long ago. tell us what happened. because i know this is in your special. but take our audience here through that. >> thinking to you to nutshell it. >> jimmy: was it a real serious thing? >> it's crazy i'm alive. i went to the doctor with a sore though the. who goes to the doctor for a sore throat? >> jimmy: you. >> i did. he said, this is life or death, we're going in the emergency room. i had an abscess at the top of my windpipe that was either going to grow another millimeter and choke me to death, or explode and kill me that way. >> jimmy: why would it kill you if it exploded? >> filled with poison. >> jimmy: really, wow. >> yes. and really -- my manager amy could tell you.
the whole thing is a fog to me. they had to put me in a semi-coma. i couldn't be put to sleep all the way. which sucks. because now all these like memories are floating back. you know, my blood pressure is very low. they couldn't put me totally out. they just gave me all the heroin in the world, basically. [ laughter ] and i had a breathing tube for a week. whenever i would wake up, they had to tie my hands down, jimmy. because you know, human nature when you feel something down your throat is to pull it out. so i would wake up, i'd feel this thing down my throat, and i'd go to pull it out. and then i'd realize my hands are tied down. and then i just assumed what anyone would assume. which is, i have been captured by isis. [ laughter ] truly, truly, right? [ applause ] they love it, they're close with us. so then a sister would have to say, not a nun, but one of my sisters. >> jimmy: okay, yeah. >> you know, sweetie, you're
okay, you had a thing, blah, blah, blah. i would go, oh. and fall back to sleep. 30 seconds later i wouldn't remember any of it and the whole thing would happen again. >> jimmy: that's very scary. your whole family converged there and everything? >> my sister told my parents not to come. which you know is probably for the best. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. that would not have been helpful. but you did -- is this something -- >> wait. >> jimmy: i'm not going to show -- >> wait for it. >> jimmy: we always have this problem. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i won't show it yet. >> can i say, because there are a couple of funny stories that i had to hear about after. >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> is someone going like this? >> jimmy: no. just one crazy guy doing it, has nothing to do with the show. >> they'd give me pencil and partner and i would try to write things down to communicate.
a nurse came in and somehow i communicated, i have something very important to tell you or something. she's waiting. and i'm writing. writing down. and i don't remember this at all. but apparently i just wrote, "do you live with your mother?" and a picture of a [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> i know this is on abc, this is probably blurred out because of so much [ bleep ]. if i say, is this a [ bleep ] or is this a finger? is this asparagus? it is asparagus, unblur it, it's asparagus. >> jimmy: how did she react to this question? >> i just looked at my hair and it doesn't look how i imagined. >> jimmy: i told you that a million times. >> okay. >> jimmy: you came through it. is there any danger now that it will recur? >> no. >> jimmy: no, okay, good. >> i did like have you worried a little bit.
>> jimmy: i was worried. >> it's very unlikely it would recur. >> jimmy: your boyfriend michael sheen, was he there by your side? >> he was there by my side the whole time. he would shoot "masters of sex" and sleep in a chair next to me. don't remember any of it though. >> jimmy: are you sure that happened? is there any photographic evidence that it happened? >> probably not. he is my on again, off again lover. >> jimmy: is he on again, off again? >> well, i mean -- >> jimmy: i didn't know about the off again. >> no, he's on again. i call him my on again, off again lover because we were apart by oceans. one ocean. >> jimmy: he doesn't live here? >> his daughter turned 18. he wanted to go home. >> jimmy: aren't you supposed to go home -- his daughter turned 18 here? and he went home? >> yes. he's scared to be near his daughter. now she's going to start her own life, going to nyu. he has a calling to -- you know how i'm politically active. he wants to be and he needs to be home to do that. he's there a lot.
and then we just long for each other and we see each other and we love each other. >> jimmy: but you don't really -- you don't live on the same continent? >> i mean, we visit. >> jimmy: oh, okay. all right. yeah. i don't know. >> you know me, i'm a loner. so it's okay. but yeah. >> jimmy: all right, we'll figure it all out. you have a dog, right? [ laughter ] >> yeah. i have a dog. >> jimmy: sarah silverman, she has a dog, so don't worry about her. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ what is going on, guys? this is the brand new samsung galaxy s8. first thing you need to discuss is that display. the s8 plus has a higher resolution. it is just... it's beautiful. one of the best cameras you can put in your pocket again this year. we have gorilla glass 5 front and back. ip68 water and dust resistant. everything out the way... save that s8. ah, i love this phone!
♪ [crunch] ♪ yeah! ♪ [crunch] ♪ hahahaha! hono-o, hono-o, hono-o!! ("flame, flame, flame!") ♪ [crunch] ♪ [growl] [slap] [slap] [punch] [crunch] ♪ and now i'm sure it's more than a stroke of luck ♪ ♪ yeah, i love you, do you love me, too? ♪ ♪ yeah, i love you, do you love me, too? ♪ ♪ clap your hands if it feels good ♪ ♪ clap your hands, ohh lobster and shrimp are teaming up in so many new dishes.fest, like coastal lobster and shrimp, with shrimp crusted with kettle chips. or new, over-the-top lobster and shrimp overboard.
but it can't last, so hurry in. are you ok? what happened? dad kinda walked into my swing. huh? don't you mean dad kind of ruined our hawaii fund? i thud go to the thothpital. there goes the airfair. i don't think health insurance will cover all... of that. buth my fathe! without that cash from - aflac! - we might have to choose between hawaii or your face. hawaii! what? haha...hawaii! you might have less coverage than you think. visit aflac.com and keep your lifestyle healthy.
the ford summer sales event is on. it's gonna work, i promise you, we can figure this out. babe... little help. -hold on, mom. no, wifi. wifi. it's not a question, it's a thing. take on summer right with ford, america's best-selling brand. now with summer's hottest offer. get zero percent for seventy-two months plus an additional thousand on top of your trade-in. during the ford summer sales event get zero percent for seventy-two months plus an additional thousand on top of your trade-in. offer ends july 5th.
i'll never complain because i'm so afraid of being like a complaining jew. [ laughter ] which is a stereotype. based on facts. [ laughter ] and patterns. and like deducing from those patterns. are you selling out your culture, sarah? sorry! did i get a laugh? yes, okay. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is sarah silverman, "speck of dust," it's on netflix now.
i have to say, by the way -- really, really funny. i think it might be your best standup special yet. i didn't know you were jewish. >> i know! >> jimmy: such a wild thing. >> that's not anything you've obsessed about at all. >> jimmy: you'd think that would have come up somehow. my mother just popped out here. do you remember the first time my parents met you? >> she was like, i love bagels! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she had bagels for you. i didn't think it was right for her to throw them at you. but otherwise. >> no, i found that inappropriate. >> jimmy: i feel like we maybe were a little bit hard on your relationship. >> i felt that way too. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. so i think you should -- >> don't disrespect my man. >> jimmy: i'm not disrespecting him. it's really you that i was targeting. [ laughter ] you brought some photographs here. and there are some stories that go along with them that are pretty good. >> okay. jim, go ahead and show photo one. >> jimmy: photo number one is
this. >> okay, this was a birthday present that my darling michael gave me for my birthday. >> jimmy: this is the one who moved to another continent, right? [ laughter ] what? >> that's not because i'm here. don't look at the monitor. so this is michael. he gave this -- it's the best birthday gift i've ever gotten no offense. honestly. >> jimmy: i gave you a tivo. >> you got me a tivo and a really expensive mattress you referred over my bed. p.s., tyland sleeps on that. $9,000. >> jimmy: it wasn't $9,000. >> it was $9,000. that was how you presented it to me. >> jimmy: i did? okay. i may have been lying. >> we'll cut all this down. >> jimmy: all right, okay. >> i opened this up. i recognize the it right away. and i'm just like, how -- i said, how did -- how did you do this?
he said he remembered that months before, we were in bed. post-making love, probably. >> jimmy: was this my $9,000 bed you were in? >> no, i gave that to tig almost immediately. >> jimmy: okay, all right. >> we were lying in bed. and i was laughing out of nowhere. and he said what? and i said, i just had this memory of when i was like 13. i got this new outfit. i loved it so much, i said, mom? take a picture of me. because this is the outfit i'm going to wear when i grow up and go to my first new york city audition. and i had her take a picture of me. i'm sure that picture doesn't exist. it made me laugh. he goes, what are you wearing? and i said, i was wearing gray corduroy knickers, white knee socks, a coral cable knit sweater, and a white turtleneck. and he locked it in, went on ebay, a couple of things from banana republic. had a professional photographer
take it. and meanwhile he said the photographer did not laugh at any point. [ laughter ] so i get this and it's the greatest picture ever. he never saw the picture, the picture doesn't even exist. i send this to my sister laura. family historian. and she goes, i'm finding this [ bleep ] picture. like three hours later, she texts me this. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. well done. >> i got the socks. i misremembered the socks. >> jimmy: the socks -- okay, you can photoshop the socks, it will be perfectly fine. congratulations on your special on netflix. it's called "sarah silverman: a speck of dust." very funny, go see it. sarah silverman! be right back with jimmy butler. [ cheers and applause ] [intern] hey bradley, do you remember when i took your photo this morning? [boy] yea! [intern] i'm afraid i have some terrible news. you have...bug eyes!
here come the bugs! ahh! bugs everywhere! uh oh, this little buggy got a lasagna. about to see progressive's new home quote explorer. where you can compare multiple quote options online and choose what's right for you. woah. flo and jamie here to see hqx. flo and jamie request entry. slovakia. triceratops. tapioca. racquetball. staccato. me llamo jamie. pumpernickel. pudding. employee: hey, guys! home quote explorer. it's home insurance made easy. password was "hey guys."
♪ we, the people, are tired of being surprised with extra monthly fees. we want hd. and every box and dvr. all included. because we don't like surprises. yes. like changing up the celebrity at the end to someone more handsome. and talented. really? and british. switch from cable to directv. get 4 rooms with hd, dvr and every box included for $25 a month. only from directv.
[ laughter ] he is a three-time nba all-star from the chicago bulls. please welcome jimmy butler. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's a good-looking jacket you got on there. >> yeah, i would have wore yours but you don't have nearly as good a physique. >> jimmy: no that's true. i think i had those as sheets when i was like 4 years old. >> you don't want to do this right here, not now. >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> i'm good. you know, here. got my people around. >> jimmy: what people do you have around? [ laughter ] let's go through them. >> besides you, obviously. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> my brother. >> jimmy: okay, good. >> my dad's around. my trainers are around. >> jimmy: your trainers come with you even when you're not in season, when you're in the offseason? >> of course. >> jimmy: do you train every day? even when you're on vacation? >> not on the weekends. but on vacations, i do train. >> jimmy: you do. so you have to bring these guys with you on vacation? >> i don't have to. >> jimmy: i know, but you feel like you have to?
>> i don't feel like i have to. i just think it's smart. so now -- >> jimmy: it's definitely smart. >> when the bulls call, jimmy what are you doing? i'm training. automatically, for certain, i'm always training when they call. laugh live. >> jimmy: couldn't you just tell them you're training whether you're train organize not? >> yeah, but if you have a girlfriend, what are you doing? oh, i'm in the hotel room. take a picture of the toilet. it's like, take a picture of your trainer. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i see. >> see where i went with that? >> jimmy: that's smart. come up with an app for that. do you watch the playoffs and the finals when you're not in them? >> i don't really watch. but it's kind of hard not to pay attention. everywhere i go, especially here in l.a., everybody's, oh, he's come the lakers, he's in l.a. >> jimmy: you're not coming to the lakers? why aren't you coming to the lakers? >> i love chicago so very much. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, thank you, thank you chicago. and they took a chance on me in
2011 with the 30th pick. so i'm forever grateful for that. >> jimmy: for the record, i happen to be a lakers fan, i think you should stay in chicago. because you've built a foundation there. you should stay there your whole career. is that what you want to do? >> i feel like you just insulted me. [ laughter ] saying i'm not good enough to play on the lakers. >> jimmy: i'd love it if you were on the team. i also think it's important that certain players stay with their franchise. like kobe did. it would have been -- all right, then come to the lakers. >> okay. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: by the way, this is really good reverse psychology i'm using on you. >> i'll not working. >> jimmy: it's not, okay. what if you get traded? there's rumors the celtics might want to trade for you. >> everybody asks that. i can't really control that. i signed however long i did. with the bulls. and what they decide to do what is they decide to do. i love it there. like i always say, whatever organization i play for is always going to get my all every single night. and i'm fortunate enough for it to be the chicago bulls right now. [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: yeah, for sure. i'll tell you another thing. if, it sounds like when, you come to the lakers -- >> okay, i'm listening. >> jimmy: we will embrace you fully. but i would recommend, if i was you, and i almost am. we have the same first name. i would stay in chicago. that's what i would do. >> i'm like jimmy senior. you're like jimmy junior. you listen to me, i don't listen to you. >> jimmy: we're not doing this -- >> the insults -- >> jimmy: i like the idea you're older than i am, i'm fine with that. i want to take a look inside your house. you have something that is absolutely spectacular in your home. let's go inside your home now. this is a real photograph from what room in your house is this? >> i feel like i'm sitting in it, in chairs that really aren't there. >> jimmy: i can bring my desk over. >> it's right when you walk into the front door, ten steps and you run smack into it. >> jimmy: this is a real working aquarium? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: looks like a boom box. >> you see the fishies in there. >> jimmy: how many? >> 50. >> jimmy: 50 fish in the aquarium? 50 fishies. >> jimmy: you get more in there. >> you don't want to do the
most. it's already obnoxious having a big boom box right when you walk in the door. 50 is over the top. >> jimmy: when you bring a date home this is the first thing they see? >> trying to get me caught up, i see what you're doing. actually, no, we walk in through the garage. you see that hallway. the laundry room to the left. unless i'm going to wash clothe. we come in through the back -- >> jimmy: go right up to the bedroom? >> yeah. no, no -- [ cheers and applause ] no, no! not up to the bedroom. you got me, you got me. i was going to say upstairs. >> jimmy: come upstairs, there's nothing interesting other than a nine-foot fish tank. does it play music? >> a lot of country music, actually. >> jimmy: the fish tank plays country music? can you reprogram it or is that what you want it to play? >> if you play anything else it suddenly cuts off, or i cut it off.
it's all the same. no one wants to play country music. >> jimmy: what artists are you into? >> luke bryan -- [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah, you know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: do your teammates share your affinity? do you play that in the locker room? >> can you lie on tv? >> jimmy: yeah, i do it all the time, i did it through the whole last segment. [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, wow, wow. oh, man. i don't think that they like it but i guess -- we play three of the hippity-hop songs, whatever they want to listen to, then we play the country. you know, some people, they get into it. then they tell me, cut it off. >> jimmy: i feel like your teammates want you to go to l.a. or boston, right? enough with this. >> then i'd have more teammates to try to lure into the love the country music. >> jimmy: that's nice. it's very good to have you here. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy butler, everybody! the chicago bulls. we'll be right back with post malone!
>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: thanks to sarah silverman, thanes to jimmy butler. and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next, but first this is his album "stoney," here with the song "congratulations," post malone! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ a ooh ♪ ay ♪ ♪ ♪ my momma called seen you on t-v son said [ bleep ] done changed ever since we was on ♪ ♪ i dreamed it all ever since i was young they said i wouldn't be nothing now they always say ♪ ♪ congratulations worked so hard forgot how to vacation ♪
♪ they ain't never had the dedication people hatin' ♪ ♪ say we changed and look we made it yeah we made it ♪ ♪ they was never friendly yeah now i'm jumping out the bentley yeah ♪ ♪ and i know i sound dramatic yeah but i know i had to have it yeah ♪ ♪ for the money i'm a savage yeah i be itching like a addict yeah ♪ ♪ i'm surrounded twenty bad [ bleep ] yuh but they didn't know me last year yuh ♪ ♪ everyone wanna act like they important but all that mean nothing when i saw my dough yuh ♪ ♪ everyone countin' on me drop the ball yuh everything custom like i'm at the border yah yah ♪ ♪ if you [ bleep ] with winning put your lighters to the sky ♪ ♪ how could i make sense when i got millions on my mind ♪ ♪ coming with that [ bleep ] i just put it to the side balling since a baby they could see it in my eyes ♪ ♪ my momma called seen you on
t-v son said [ bleep ] done changed ever since we was on ♪ ♪ i dreamed it all ever since i was young they said i wouldn't be nothing now they always say ♪ ♪ congratulations worked so hard forgot how to vacation ♪ ♪ they ain't never had the dedication people hatin' ♪ ♪ say we changed and look we made it yeah we made it ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] thank you, thank you so much, man, i appreciate you. oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
thi is "nightline". tonight two women gone missing, ten years apart. one body discovered. the same man connected to both women. will he talk? two family united in grief and d hope. >> we're here to get justice. plus this body building buff has become a viral strong man performing nonsensicable stunts a maniac on a mission. >> if me running around being myself inspires them to be themselves, goal reached. >> to give the whole world a pick me up. and private paradise, chris christie and