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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  July 16, 2018 11:35pm-12:38am PDT

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we made it through monday. we appreciate your time. i'm dan ashley. >> i'm ama >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! p tonight, jason sudeikis, espy host danica patrick, and music from michael ray. and now, good news, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] hi, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to the show.
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on this unprecedented day of unpresidenting today. today was maybe the strangest of all 542 bizarre days of donald trump's reign of error. today may have been the weirdest. the president's been to europe, insulting our allies and rubbing his nipples up against our enemies. on friday he had tea with the queen. and on friday -- see, on friday this seemed like a big deal. the president walked in front of the queen, which is apparently a no-no. it's a royal faux pass. you're not supposed to turn your back on the queen or pour ketchup ner tea or take the hat off he had head and swat a fly with it. you're not supposed to do nif those things. but that turned out to be nothing compared with what happened in finland this morning. helsinki has froedsen over. the president of the united states today publicly sided with russia over our own fbi on the
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subject of cyber attacks on our election campaign. trump had a meeting today with his kgbff, vladimir putin, and in an interview with cbs yesterday he said he was going into this meeting with low expectations. we all were. [ laughter ] so trump and putin met one on one with only their interpreters in the room for more than two hours. reportedly, trump wanted to meet with put ayn loan because he didn't want his advisers to see him naked, which is natural. [ laughter ] and we probably should have known how this was going to go based on this because right off the bat you see here trump gives putin -- he looks over at him as they sit down in front of the media and gives him a little wink. yeah, through go. [ laughter ] that's the thanks for keeping that tape between us guys wink. [ laughter ] and things got odder from there. trump and putin gave a joint press conference at the top of which trump put their meeting into historical context. >> our nations fought alongside one another in the second world war.
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even during the tensions of the cold war when the world looked much different than it does today the united states and russia were able to maintain a strong dialogue. but our relationship has never been worse than it is now. however, that changed. as of about four hours ago. believe it. >> no one else does but i'm sure you do. is it possible vladimir putin brought a hypnotist to that meeting instead of a translator? because this is what got people really fired up today. after all this tough talk, when trump was asked to weigh in on russia's role as hack master in the 2016 election, something the fbi, the justice department, even trump's own secretary of state says happened without question, when trump finally had the chance to publicly castigate putin for trying to disrupt our democracy, this is what our commander in chief chose to do.
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>> would you now with the whole world watching tell president putin, would you denounce what happened in 2016 and would you warn him to never do it again? >> all i can do is ask the question. my people came to me, dan coats came to me and some others, they said they think it's russia. i have president putin. he just said it's not russia. i will say this. i don't see any reason why it would be. >> jimmy: well, i guess that settles it. there you go. if you're wondering whether or not vladimir putin has an incriminating video of donald trump, we now know beyond a treasonable doubt he does. [ cheers and applause ] he better. this wasn't a good day for donald trump. we haven't seen an american so owned by a russian since rocky iv. not only didn't trump criticize putin he actually praised him for making an offer we can and absolutely should refuse. >> i have great confidence in my
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intelligence people, but i will tell you that president putin was extremely strong and powerful in his denial today. and what he did is an incredible offer. he offered to have the people working on the case come and work with their investigators with respect to the 12 people. think that's an incredible offer. >> jimmy: yeah. in that it lacks any credibility whatsoever, yeah, it is. putin's just having fun with this now. he's -- he actually offered to have his intelligence agents investigate the hacking of our election. that's like papa john offering to investigate who's been saying all the racist stuff at the company. [ laughter ] trump completely rolled over. it was a total win for putin and a shameful day for america. although donald trump didn't go home empty-handed. after trump praised russia for their job hosting the world cup putin gave his puppet a little
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gift. >> mr. president, i will give this ball to you and now the ball is in your court. all the more that the united states will host the world cup in 2026. >> that's right. thank you very much. we do host it, and we hope we do as good a job. that's very nice. that will go to my son barron. we have no question. in fact, melania, here you go. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: give this to the boy. and then trump closed things out as only donald trump can, by switching gears back to the witch hunt. >> if anybody watched peter strzok testified over the last couple of days, and i was in brussels watching it, it was a disgrace to the fbi. it was a disgrace to our country. and you would say that was a total witch hunt. thank you very much, everybody. thank you. >> jimmy: that's right. always close with your biggest hits.
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that's the way to go. [ laughter ] what a day. what a president. i don't know how he does it. he somehow manages to top himself every single day. trump's performance did not go over well with members of either party, by the way. he's been attacked by democrats and by many high-profile republicans. paul ryan, mitch mcconnell, rick scott all gave statements saying russia is not our friend. john mccain called the press conference one of the most disgraceful performances by an american president in memory. senator lindsey graham said trump should check the soccer ball putin gave him for listening devices. [ laughter ] which i think was a joke. and former governor arnold schwarzenegger weighed in on videotape. >> president trump, i just saw your press conference with president putin, and it was embarrassing. i mean, you stood there like a little wet noodle, like a little fan boy. i mean, i was asking myself, when are you going to ask him for an autograph or a selfie or something like that? you literally sold out at this press conference our intelligence community, our
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justice system and worst of all our country. you're the president of the united states. you shouldn't do that. and what's the matter with you? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, you know what? when the guy who impregnated his housekeeper wants to know what's the matter with you, there's something the matter with you. [ laughter ] yeah. one of the reasons that trump's lack of backbone was so appalling today is because his own justice department on friday indicted 12 russian intelligence agents for hacking clinton's staff members and dnc servers during the campaign. 12 russian agents, each one of them nested in an agent slightly larger than the other. [ laughter ] many saw the timing of this announcement as a message to trump. but one person in particular saw it as a full exoneration. >> there could also be lots of other people. there could also be somebody sitting on their bed who weighs
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400 pounds. okay? >> jimmy: turns tut it wasn't someone sitting on their bed who weighs 400 pounds. and now here to comment is someone sitting on their bed who weighs 400 pounds. here to join us is hacker lord. >> good to be here, jimmy. >> jimmy: how did you feel when these indictments were announced? >> i felt awesome. this is sweet, sweet vindication tore me. i feel great. >> jimmy: so you believe this was a personal attack on you? >> definitely. and i'm sick of getting blamed for everything. who ate the last slice of pizza? the fat guy. who broke the roller coaster? the fat guy. who interfered with the election? the fat guy. it's always the fat guy. you know, there are a lot of skinny people out there doing bad stuff too. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. i'm sure there are. >> you remember jared from subway? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i do, yes. >> look what happened after he lost all that weight. >> jimmy: that is a weird point, but point taken. you can't just point fingers at fat people. >> you're damn right. and if you do, i'll eat it.
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: so what is your message now for president trump? >> my message for president trump is first of all change your password from 123kfc. you idiot. you're making it too easy. and don't put porn in a folder named "porn." >> jimmy: oh, wait. we shouldn't do that? >> no, don't. >> jimmy: that's a good tip. thank you very much. >> thank you, jimmy. and congratulations on winning the emmy. >> jimmy: oh. well, no, the emmys aren't until september. >> well, then that will be our little secret. >> jimmy: oh. well, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] we have to take a break. when we come back, we'll talk about the world cup final yesterday, and we will dissect tonight's hometown visits on "the bachelorette." so stick around. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] and let's make it work. they hold strong with a peel, stick, and press. and with that college life begins.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. danica patrick and music from michael ray on the way. but first congratulations are in order for france. there is much celebration in france. the french yesterday beat croatia 4-2 to win the world cup. that's soccer, by the way. [ cheers and applause ] in case you don't get up early to watch sports. this is the biggest victory for france since 2007 when marion cotillard beat meryl streep to win best actress at the academy awards. [ laughter ] french president emmanuel macron was at the game. he really got into it. look at this picture. he is -- it almost looks dangerous. can you imagine donald trump being this excited about anything? maybe if they brought back the mcrib. but other than that. [ laughter ] that is about as enthused as you can get in a button-down shirt. the french haven't been this happy since they invented cigarettes. there's a lot of excitement, looting, et cetera over there.
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and now the world cup is over. and just like that we have another four years before we care about men playing soccer again. [ laughter ] fortunately, we still have plenty of "the bachelorette" on tap. tonight on abc -- [ cheers and applause ] this was maybe the best night of the season. hometown visit night. this is where becca met the families of her final four. this is what i love about this show. becca had an equal amount of arm jumping, leg-wrapping enthusiasm for every one of these guys. >> how are you? >> good. oh. ♪ >> hi! >> come here. >> hi. >> jimmy: i can honestly say no one has ever been that excited to see me ever in my whole life. how does that work? how can you be that thrilled about four different guys -- maybe she figures if she does it with one guy and not with the other we'll know who she's going to pick. but that is a hell of a hello. so next week is fantasy suite
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week on "the bachelorette," which is a dilemma for colton, th 26-year-old former nfl player who revealed last week that he is a virgin. and how old were you when you lost your virginity, guillermo? >> guillermo: 14. >> jimmy: 14 years old? >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: and correct me if i'm wrong but it was with your housekeeper, yes? >> guillermo: that's right, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's going to be our next governor in this state. [ cheers and applause ] anyway. colton was not 14. ow he's 26 and still waiting. this was a bachelorette first. colton for whatever reason decided he needed to consult with chris harrison to find out what might be expected of him in the fantasy suite. >> what's going on? >> i know that next week is fantasy suites. >> right. >> and i think something that becca and i have talked about in the bahamas was the fact that i'm still a virgin. and what i'm assuming happens in fantasy suites, i guess i just
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want to know sort of what the expectations are. >> are you saying you were worried about being intimate with becca? >> at this point? >> yeah. >> yeah. >> the main thing is as long as you and becca are on the same page and have been, that's all that matters. >> yeah. >> how you choose to handle that as a man, as a couple, how becca chooses to handle that, that's up to you. that's kind of the whole point of it. you feel good? >> i feel good. >> all right. >> thank you. >> good luck. >> jimmy: for a minute i though the was going to ask chris to explain how sex works or something. [ laughter ] anyway, colton won't have to worry about his performance in the fantasy suite. he got sent home tonight. you know what? that's the nice thing about the hometown dates. they don't have to send you home. you're already there. they just say stay here and i'm going back. so we're now down to the final three, garrett, jason, and blake. this was good too. blake -- not only did blake get a rose tonight, his mother got the prize for craziest eyes. >> to be here and be in love --
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>> right. right. >> what? >> i want that happiness for you again. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: becca, look out, becca. those are the eyes of a mother who's hidden a body. [ laughter ] those eyes seemed very familiar to me. i feel like i've seen them somewhere before. >> to be here and finally be in love, like, what? >> wow. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: rudy giulima mi mi tonight we have music from michael ray. danica patrick, host of the espys, is here. and we'll be right back with jason sudeikis. so stick around. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by alexa skill blueprints. visit to create your own custom alexa responses and skills in minutes. responses and skills in minutes. it's the ford summer sales event and now is the best time to buy.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight, shas formshe former race-car driver and on wednesday she is the host of the espy awards here on abc. danica patrick is here. [ cheers and applause ] then this is his album. it's called "amos." michael ray from the mercedes-benz stage.
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[ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night jonah hill and bo burnham will join us. and we'll have music from jim james, and later this week, magic johnson, jim gaffigan, lakeith stanfield, antonio brown with music from lil baby and imagine dragons. so please join us for every bit of that. [ cheers and applause ] after 8 seasons on "saturday night live," our first guest decided to start entertaining people on other nights of the week too. he's a very funny actor who works behind the camera too as executive producer of "detroiters." it airs thursdays on comedy central. please welcome jason sudeikis. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: one's enough. how are you doing?
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oh, that was like "the bachelorette." >> you said no one had ever done that to you. i didn't believe that. >> jimmy: now one person has done that to me. has anyone ever done that to you? >> no. not even my children. >> jimmy: even the kids. >> no one. but i don't have the core for it. you do. that was great. >> jimmy: that would be the best. >> you're l.a. tight, though. >> jimmy: the bachelor goes >> america's like nope, no rose for you, senor. >> jimmy: how old are your kids? >> um. ooh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's hard to keep track of them. >> yeah. well, there's two of them. little daisy, about 21 months. a little over 1 1/2 there. what is it? yeah. 21 months. and then otis a little over four years. he just turned 4 on april 20th. >> jimmy: now, you guys are -- you live in brooklyn, right? >> yeah. in new york. >> jimmy: but you're here for
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the summer. >> yeah. we've been out in l.a. off and on since the new year, actually. >> jimmy: do they like it here? do the kids love it here? >> yeah. but they don't know. they don't know any better. but he , they definitely do. we rented a house that had a pool. which you don't have unless you're like an oligarch or a finance guy in new york. to have a pool. you have the reservoir in the park. that's about it. [ laughter ] but yeah. so they learned to swim since they've been out here. that's great. >> jimmy: that's fun. kids -- you have a pool they don't care where they are. >> no, no. and it feels good because i feel that i'm working out and i can drink and play with them and it's a little less dangerous than if it's indoors. >> jimmy: no. it's actually more dangerous. >> more dangerous. >> jimmy: because air is less dangerous than water. just in general. if you're jumping from a height, yes. >> i have them jumping off the roof. fearless. x games, here we come. >> jimmy: you brought some pictures from disneyland. >> that's the other great thing about being out here, especially
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for otis's fourth. we took him to disneyland. and the way we set it up was we're not going to take any other kids, it's just going to be otis and then liv and i took like seven of our friends. so it was nine adults. just whatever this little boy wanted we would just be like -- what do you want to do? i want to go on the carousel. let's do it! we'd be really excited and go there. we were lucky enough they gave us like a person that knew where everything was. so we just followed them and just would aimlessly go there. >> jimmy: he made all the decisions 37. >> yes. >> jimmy: that was like president trump traveling abroad. >> a little bit. [ laughter ] that's the way they do it. they have the same blond locks. >> jimmy: otis, he's super cute, by the way. i don't want to jump the gun on this. >> one of the best parts with the nine of us outside of just letting him dictate where we're going is you know, he's 4. so we had to check the height requirement every time. now, we knew that he was, you know, 44 inches. he doesn't know that. it never switches. in a day's time. so each time we had to check before -- you have to be 40
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inches to get on this ride. we'd get really nervous. because the person like at the place was like you need to stand against here. and then we'd all get really quiet. and then this is a photo of him getting the cheers from us for being well over the height. yeah! [ cheers and applause ] that little dude is so excited. and i believe -- i'm not 100% sure, but i believe this might have been for space mountain. >> jimmy: it looks spacy, yeah. >> it looks spacy. >> jimmy: did he like space mountain? >> well, he loved splash mountain. we did splash mountain early on. he saw people going down the flum or whatever it's called, getting wet. and so we did it. and then he wanted to do it again. and that was the first one. we'd maybe been on four rides he wanted to repeat. then we got cocky as parents. what about mountain? mountain, i got that. space. hell, yeah, i love space o'more than splash. let's do it. so we hop on the tram and go to space mountain. and forgot -- i don't know who,
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if you haven't been on there. it's completely in the dark. so everything's three times, five times, 100 times scarier, especially for a 4-year-old. you don't know where you're going. you don't know where you've been. but they do get a photo from you. after you go on this dip. >> jimmy: you can buy the photo at the end. >> yeah. which i didn't. but as you can tell from this -- this is the photo of him and his mom. otis holding on for dear life. just a blur of fear and like -- i mean, this is like the opening of "saving private ryan" for this kid. [ laughter ] nuts. mom is like freaking out like oh, my god, what have i done? dad is like oh, no, what have we done! his aunt, my sister, also -- we're all trained in on him. now, here, this is his godfather, our good friend mike o'brien. >> jimmy: no problem. >> doesn't give a [ bleep ]. happy as a clam. >> jimmy: you might want to reascientire
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reassign the godfather. >> sometimes you want that out there for otis to go to him, i know your parents freak out about everything, i can tell you everything's cool. >> jimmy: maybe. maybe not. when you're the dad -- when you're the kid you want that. when you're the dad i don't think so. >> that's true. >> jimmy: it's time to replace mike. >> that's true. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i also want to mention this show "detroiters." >> oh, please, yeah. >> jimmy: this is a very funny show. you're the executive producer. do you actually do any work as part of -- >> no. executive produced by me, jason sudeikis, and lorne michaels. lorne doesn't do anything either. we don't do anything. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's good. that's the secret. >> that's the trick. you've got to make money while you're sleeping as they say. we have -- tim and sam, the two stars, who i met years ago at second city. >> jimmy: both super funny guys. >> super funny guys. the show's ripped from the headlines of their lives, they're both from detroit. then two writer friends from "snl," joe kelly and zack
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cannon. i just show up and -- >> jimmy: but this show really can't be from the headlines of their lives because -- last season when you were on the show they hit you with a car -- >> they hit my character with a car. >> jimmy: and then tried to get rid of -- >> they basically dumped my body in the woods with a sack of potato chips covering my head. so the detroit cops couldn't i.d. me. and then i come back in the final episode of last season with a robot hand and everything and my life had really gone downhill since they hit me with the car, which i don't know that it's them so, they're feeling real guilty about it. yeah, i've got a robot hand that was like we had -- it was built by the guys from shinola. >> jimmy: in detroit. those are the best robot hands of all. >> made by real americans. >> jimmy: speaking of real americans, are you a nascar fan? >> a little bit. i'm a fan of anybody, you know, sitting watching -- facing the direction and yelling at something. in a big circle. like theater, nascar, whatever. but no.
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i've never been to one. even though we've got a nice speedw wawa waway back home in . the kansas speedway. i drive fast. i feel like i do a decent job. >> jimmy: do you rack up a lot of speeding tickets? >> not anymore. i deal with my mortality as being a parent to a degree. but as a teenager i sped a lot back home. we did a lot of driving in kansas in the suburbs. and didn't get in a lot of trouble, so speeding was my thing. >> jimmy: speeding was your thing. when you say you would get tickets, how many tickets did you get as a teen? >> oh, boy. maybe double digits. >> jimmy: really? for real? >> yeah. and again, i'm not going 120 in a school zone. it was always going like 30 miles over -- you know, 85 instead of 55. but what i was really bad at was -- >> jimmy: you know that's a lot of tickets to get. >> it's a lot of tickets. >> jimmy: it's almost to the point where they should take your license from you. >> yeah. they can. they're more than welcome to it
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now. [ laughter ] we've got a subway system. the good folks at lyft and uber are figuring their stuff out. so we're all right. but i got a lot, and i would never pay them. and -- >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. which is so dumb. especially being a parent now. just tell me. just tell me you're going to get bad grades and we won't be mad -- just tell me you got a ticket and we'll pay for it. because it costs double when you don't. i remember one july 4th. i'm living at home, living in the basement, knock on the door my dad opens up. like 8:00 a.m. hey, jace, there's a police officer upstairs to sigh. get on up. i was like, okay, he's screwing with me. ha, ha. i get dressed. sure enough, there's a cop at the front door who had a ticket that was given to me about three months earlier saying, excuse me, is this your car here? i'm like well, it's my father's car that he's leasing but i drive it on occasion. is this your name? and it said david sudeikis, not daniel -- my real name is daniel. my full name daniel jason sudeik sudeikis.
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so i thought -- clearly when i got the ticket i'm like i'm not going to pay, this i'm off the grid, baby, they don't know who i am. like they'll never figure this out. >> jimmy: this is david's problem. sxli don't know who david is. they're like is that your signature? that is my signature. i didn't know it said david when i signed it. so the cop's like, we're going to have to take you in. you're under arrest. this is on 4th of july, independence day of all days, and my dad's just sitting there with -- i don't know. whatever. a coke or diet coke in the morning. and like all right, jace, see you later, have fun. and they had to handcuff me, walk me through the suburbs. >> jimmy: were you crying? >> not yet. at this point i was kind of like this is ridiculous. like i also knew my dad was b.s.-ing. the guy didn't have to put my head down like that but i get in the back and they don't have partners to ride along in overland park, kansas. not too dangerous of a town. and he just sort of looks in the mirror at me and goes, you and your father don't have a good relationship, huh?
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[ laughter ] and i'm like no, he's screwing around. he'll be like 20 feet behind us once we get there. and sure enough. the guy pulled in there and my dad pulled in right behind him. >> jimmy: sought lesson you learned is no lesson really. dad paid the ticket. >> no lesson. yeah. [ applause ] >> jimmy: maybe your kid does need a godfather. >> maybe i need one. >> jimmy: jason sudeikis, everyone. watch his show "detroiters" thursday nights 10:30 comedy central. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ wicked witch of the west. i'll be leaving that out of the bio. ♪ my, my [ groaning ] ♪ how can i resist ya ♪ whoa this whole place is awesome. woo! ♪ mamma mia! [ gasp ] hi there. what kinda island is this? woo! it's wonderful. miraculous. [ gasp ] that'll do. ♪ i should not have let you go ♪
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>> jimmy: welcome back. danica patrick and michael ray are on the way but first, today is the most wonderful day of the year, amazon prime day. and with alexa skill blueprints you can create your own personal alexa skills and responses to make every day the most wonderful day of the year. don't believe me? believe my pal guillermo. >> guillermo: i hate hearing things that i don't like. but alexa skill blueprints and the psychic template i just fill in the blanks online and i can hear exactly what i want to hear. just watch. alexa, open up my sidekick. >> welcome to guillermo's sidekick, where you hear only what you want to hear. >> guillermo: what breakfast
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will help me to lose weight? >> the best thing to eat for breakfast, if you're trying to lose weight, is a banana split with hot fudge and whipped cream. >> guillermo: if you insist. >> guillermo, you're late for work. >> guillermo: no, i'm not. what time do i have to be at work? >> you have to be at work whatever time you want. >> guillermo: see? loser. i'm not late. give me a latte. now! benji, take out the trash. >> it's not my job. >> guillermo: whose job is it to take out the trash? >> taking out the trash is benji's job. and while he's at it he should do the dishes and leave his dad alone. >> guillermo: see? here. alexa, you're the best. >> announcer: get creative. make your own personal alexa responses and skills at >> jimmy: we'll be right back with danica patrick. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: still to come, music from michael ray. earlier this year our next guest was told to start her engine for the very last time. now she is back in the driver's
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seat as host of the 26th annual espys. watch it live wednesday night here on abc. please welcome danica patrick. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ well, looks like you're enjoying -- >> they stand. that makes you feel good. >> jimmy: for some reason these people keep standing. they think we're at church is what's going on. how's retirement? is it fun? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you like it. >> anyone else retired? it's good. >> jimmy: a lot of people are retired. you love it, though. >> but retired at 36 is probably the first time i've felt young because like i feel -- you know there's a transition where you go from, you know, you're the youngest person ever then you're the oldest person ever. it hans all of a sudden.
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then yeah, all of a sudden i'm like i feel young because i'm retired at 36. >> jimmy: it's 4:00 p.m. you're at the hometown buffet looking around eating dinner. [ laughter ] >> do i look like i'm eating at hometown buffet? i hope not. >> jimmy: maybe a shrimp here and there. you're also -- i love this. i don't know why i get a kick out of something like this. that you're dating aaron rodgers, quarterback for the green bay packers. how long have you guys been dating? [ applause ] >> yeah. since the very beginning of the year. >> jimmy: are you a packers fan? >> yes. >> jimmy: you are. were you a packers fan -- squ >> the biggest packers fan. i wasn't. [ laughter ] the hard thing is i grew up right on the state line of wisconsin. i was actually born in wisconsin but we lived in illinois. so my dad grew up with all packers fans. what he says is i'm not against the packers, i'm against the packer fans. so i don't know what that really means because now i'm a packers fan. i guess we'll have to talk about
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that. >> jimmy: when you and aaron go out, who drives the car? who's behind the wheel? [ laughter ] >> aaron is a really good driver, actually. >> jimmy: is he really? but he can't be as good a driver as you. >> well, no. he's probably had less tickets. i heard jason has had like a dozen or something. i'm like that is impressive. >> jimmy: in his teens alone he had a dozen. and i got pulled over three times in three days. that was impressive. >> jimmy: do you just go hey, i'm a pro, no problem, keep going? >> well, i actually have thought since then that i should pull out my fia racing license with my license because it's better than a cop's license. >> jimmy: is it? >> so it should qualify me. >> jimmy: did it qualify? >> i haven't tried it. and it turns out now i don't have one anymore. >> jimmy: yeah, now you're retired. by the way, i do want to mention and ask you about this because this is a remarkable photograph. it's you, aaron, and the dalai lama. first up, what's with the wood
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panelling? whose place is this? >> well, it's in india. i can't remember how to pronounce it. dharamsala or something like that. >> jimmy: yes, that's right. [ laughter ] >> thank you. i need to work on my pronunciation of things. a lot of things to execute in a couple of days. >> jimmy: that's right. >> so this is like a special room that's designated for like when you meet the dalai lama. every time i see a photo of somebody i look at it, i'm like oh, it's that room. so we sat in there for an hour and a half. he talked for an hour and a half. >> jimmy: did he know you guys were athletes? did he know your story? >> no. at one point in time -- there was about a dozen of us in there. at one point in time someone said aaron and danica are very influential, is there anything, a message they can get across to people? and he just like -- it was like, next. >> jimmy: really? he had no message for you? >> yeah. but there was something -- we had a monk with us the whole time, a buddhist monk, and for a
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whole week. he traveled from l.a. and -- we literally went all around the world. i was showing him some videos and i was like oh, this is an interesting one. it was a picture of crashes. everybody loves crashes. so i showed it to the lama. and he was like oh, you should show his holiness this, he would love it. so i was like, all right, this is going to be awkward in the meeting with his holiness. oh, check me out crashing. so i showed it to him and he kind of handed it back know but then later that night lama told me they watched more of the video and he thought that it was really, really, really scary and crazy, what i did. >> jimmy: the dalai lama watched your crash videos. >> just rail moment for me. >> jimmy: so few people can say that really. [ laughter ] >> that's true. >> jimmy: what a remarkable life you have. and now you're hosting the espy awards. >> what's your advice? you've done this before. i mean, you basically do a monologue ever night. >> jimmy: make fun of the athletes. they're right there. they're the best audience. will you make fun of your boyfriend on the show? >> absolutely not.
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>> jimmy: really? that's a mistake. you've got make fun of him. you've got to do something about him. >> you've got to call out the elephant in the room. or the hot guy in the room i should say. >> jimmy: it's a good crowd. it's a good place to do jokes. >> is it? because they keep saying athletes are really uptight and they don't -- >> jimmy: no. no, no, no. [ laughter ] they're not. trust me. >> your nose is growing. >> jimmy: athletes are used to bufth each other's balls. so they kind of like it. >> it's a compliment, right? >> jimmy: like the guy you're joking about might not like it but all the guys sitting next to him will be laughing really hard. >> that's okay because it's just about the one and then there's thousands or millions watching. others that are going to be laughing. i see. >> jimmy: think of it as a sacrifice. you pick one person, you offer him up to the comedy gods, and then he'll never speak to you again. are you excited? are you nervous? any of those things? >> i actually think i was more nervous when i said yes. >> jimmy: i see. >> the idea of hosting the
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espys. i told the producer ten years ago i wanted to host the espys. i think it was after lance armstrong did it. and i was like oh, man, that's so cool, my ego says pick me. then when she called i was like, oh, you did. oh, god. can i do this? like am i prepared to do this? >> jimmy: we'll find out on wednesday. >> she put her dogs life on it. so i said okay. >> jimmy: how old is the dog? >> maggie. she's like 15. >> jimmy: oh, forget it then. yeah. [ laughter ] that's a weird thing to do. a dog's, what, 85 or 105 in human years. oh, my goodness. well, it's great to -- >> so she did. but anyway, i'm excited. >> jimmy: go get them. >> i'm a little less nervous now. >> jimmy: don't hold back. just have fun. just imagine you're on the race track going around in circles. >> crashing? >> jimmy: no, not crashing. crashing is bad in comedy. danica pat-r everybody. watch her on the espys wednesday night here on abc at 8:00 p.m. we'll be right back with michael
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ray. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. g.
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>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thanks to jason sudeikis and danica patrick. apologies to matt damon. we did run out of time for him. this is his album. it's called "amos." here with the song "one that got away," michael ray! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ she's like a picture from an airplane window it's always sunny up above the clouds ♪ ♪ she's got a mouth full of innuendo but she makes it sound innocent somehow ♪ ♪ those hungry eyes can't be denied take me to church show me the light ♪ ♪ straight masterpiece way out of my league yeah but i'm gonna hold her like a trophy tonight ♪ ♪ she's decorating my car
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soon she'll be breaking my heart ♪ ♪ she's too wild horses to be all mine i'll be your beast of burden on borrowed time ♪ ♪ she's gonna rip off any kind of label she's into leaving those strings untied ♪ ♪ keeping it tax free under the table she might only be mine tonight ♪ ♪ but that's alright that's okay she's gonna be one hell of a one that got away ♪ ♪ that's alright might hurt but hey she's gonna be one hell of a one that got away ♪ ♪ yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ i ain't gonna sit here and overthink it
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i got a tiger by the tail yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ i'll just smile when she sinks her teeth in she'll leave a scar and a story to tell ♪ ♪ yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ she's decorating my car soon she'll be breaking my heart ♪ ♪ she's too wild horses to be all mine i'll be your beast of burden on borrowed time ♪ ♪ she's gonna rip off any kind of label she's into leaving those strings untied ♪ ♪ keeping it tax free under the table she might only be mine tonight ♪ ♪ but that's alright that's okay she's gonna be one hell of a one that got away ♪ ♪ that's alright might hurt but hey she's gonna be one hell of a one that got away ♪ ♪ ♪ come on ♪ hey hey hey hey she's gonna sting me but damn it i want it ♪ ♪ hey hey hey hey honey's so sweet in that moment ♪ ♪ she's decorating my car
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soon she'll be breaking my heart ♪ ♪ she's too wild horses to be all mine i'll be your beast of burden on borrowed time ♪ ♪ she's gonna rip off any kind of label she's into leaving those strings untied ♪ ♪ keeping it tax free under the table she might only be mine tonight ♪ ♪ but that's alright that's okay she's gonna be one hell of a one that got away ♪ ♪ that's alright might hurt but hey she's gonna be one hell of a one that got away ♪ ♪ yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ yeah yeah she's gonna be one hell of a one that got away yeah yeah ♪ ♪ hey hey hey hey yeah yeah hey hey hey hey yeah yeah ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] tonight -- >> great to be with you. >> the historic summit. president trump and russian president vladimir putin. an hours-long closed-door meeting. then side by side taking questions about the alleged russian election interference. >> president putin, he just said it's not russia. i will say this. i don't see any reason why it would be. >> reporter: president trump appearing to believe president putin over his own u.s. intelligence agencies. a fierce backlash tonight. some accusing him of making a momentous mistake. a look at special counsel robert mueller's investigation so far and a journey inside russia, where president putin's power is on full display. >> announcer: thipe


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