Skip to main content

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  January 2, 2019 11:35pm-12:37am PST

11:35 pm
>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- will ferrell and john c. reilly. chef matty matheson. and music from rita wilson. and now -- calm down -- jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there. welcome, welcome. hi, everyone. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching it. thank you for coming to see it. ry ne.pplause ] welcome. i have a question. you know, i have a question for the group that i'm hoping you're going to help with. it's a holiday question and the question is this. how do you tip your garbage man?
11:36 pm
i've given it a lot of thought. there's no good way to tip him. you can't put the tip in an envelope on the container because they might not see it. it could go to the dump. also, somebody might steal it before they even get to it. i don't know how to mail it to them. even if i did, i have no confidence that it would get to my garbage man. and so i don't know what to do. am i supposed to wait outside my house at 5:00 in the morning to hand each one of them the tip? i'm not doing that. i have three garbage trucks that come to my house. one for trash, one for recycling, one for yard clippings. i'm not going to spend the night and morning out there. should i tape a map under the lid of each can that will lead them to the tip? [ laughter ] a nicholas cage "national treasure" type thing, i don't know. maybe train a raccoon to deliver the money, you know? tommy the tip raccoon that might be the only way to go. until elon musk comes up with a garbage drone, these guys are going to have to get venmo or
11:37 pm
something or they're out of luck this year. if anyone has an idea on this, please let me know because the garbage clock is ticking. donald trump has never waited outside to tip a garbage man, that i an can tell you, that i will say with full confidence. [ applause ] oh, boy. it was another fun day for only the best people as trump's associates one by one get locked up as the democrats prepare to take the house. the president insists that he is not concerned about impeachment, he's just chilling the oval office, eating big macs, watching "fox & friends" while mike pence sits there motionless biding his time. [ laughter ] at least 16 members of team trump had contact with russians during the campaign or transition. 16. if donald trump was a rapper, his name would be colludikris, that's how much collusion is going on. [ cheers and applause ] today involved something that had nothing to do with that, sentencing day for trump's former lawyer and former friend, michael cohen.
11:38 pm
michael cohen sentenced to three years in prison for multiple counts of tax evasion and paying trump's mistresses to keep them quiet during the campaign, which is a violation. the big question, of course, is whether trump himself knew about and directed these illegal payments. and the big answer to that question is, duh. [ laughter ] this is michael cohen today as he left the courthouse after he'd been sentenced for three years. looking around like his mom was supposed to be there to pick him up. [ laughter ] here's the thing about michael cohen. i went back to some videos. for whatever reason, he always looks like he's just been sentenced to three years in prison. [ laughter ] he's got a face that he's at the this is thoking for his gate.lo. ing mputer at the [ laughter ] sharp guy. this tweet made the rounds today. this tweet came almost three years to the day. cohen, when he was still on board with trump, wrote, hillary clinton, when you go to prison for defrauding america and
11:39 pm
perjury, your room and board will be free. yes, and i'll be there working in the cafeteria providing you with that board. [ laughter and applause ] what a time to be alive, huh? the lockers have become the lockees. just to recap. donald trump cheats on his wife while she's at home with their infant son. donald trump has a long-term affair with a playboy playmate. donald trump illegally pays the both of them off. and michael cohen goes to jail for it. [ laughter ] it's like if johnnie cochran did time and not o.j., you know? it's crazy. cohen doesn't have to report to prison until march 6th so he is still available to host the oscars if they're looking. [ laughter ] and today another trump buddy cut a deal with the feds. american media, incorporated, the parent company of "the national enquirer," has agreed to cooperate with federal prosecutors. that's right, folks. even "the national enquirer" has flipped on donald trump. i guess the fake news really is
11:40 pm
out to get him. [ laughter ] that's as fake as it gets. "the enquirer" is reportedly ready to come clean on two major points that donald trump's campaign paid former playboy model karen mcdougal for her silence during the campaign, and that brad pitt had butt implants. [ laughter ] i don't know what that has to do with this. the publisher of "the enquirer" was one of the president's closest friends. not only are they friends, "the national enquirer" was the president's favorite book, and now he can't even read that. [ laughter ] the search conti next white house chief of staff. and word is whoever it is, in order to get the job, you'll need the approval of the president's daughter, ivanka, and her husband, jared kushner. will have to approve the candidate. how would you even know if you had jared kushner's approval? he gives you this empty, dead-eyed stare no matter what's going on. but he and ivanka will approve the chief of staff. two years ago the only thing ivanka trump was approving were swatches for her handbags. now she's in charge of that. the president's other kid, the one who may have gotten him into
11:41 pm
all this russia stuff, donald trump jr., djtj, was heading into a holiday party yesterday in new york when a reporter on the scene had the sense to ask about the kinds of gifts his father gave him for christmas. >> what's the best or worst present you got? >> huh, well. you know, i'm the namesake. so i got regifted all of the things that were monogrammed for him at times. so, you know, there was one christmas where he may or may not have given me the gift that i had given him the year before. because i monogrammed it. and it was like, oh, yeah, here. i'm like, i know you didn't get this. how do you know that? because i gave to it you last year. >> jimmy: okay. [ laughter ] now i'm back to feeling sorry for him again, i think. [ laughter ] the president is licking his wounds after a rough back and forth yesterday with chuck schumer and nancy pelosi during which he made the mistake of saying he'd be proud to shut down the government if he doesn't get $5 billion for his wall. trump was said to be so upset after the meeting he stormed out
11:42 pm
of the oval office and threw papers on the floor, like a baby would. trump really, really wants this wall. yesterday he tweeted, people do not yet realize how much of the wall including really effective renovation has already been built. if it's already been built, what are you shutting the government down for? maybe this is one of the many things people don't realize. >> people don't realize canada's been very rough on the united states. people don't realize what a big country mexico is. people don't realize, if you go back to the civil war, it was the republicans that really did the thing. a lot of people don't realize that abraham lincoln, the great abraham lincoln, was a republican. people don't realize that. people don't realize. people don't realize. people don't realize. people don't realize. people don't realize. people don't realize. people don't realize. people don't realize. people don't realize. people don't realize. people don't realize. people don't realize. people don't realize, you know how many number one best sellers i've had? >> jimmy: people don't realize, you know? [ cheers and applause ] it's got to be frustrating.
11:43 pm
people don't realize. christmas is coming fast. this is the time of year when schools have their holiday shows and activities. but in great britain, some parents are protesting an unusually unusual holiday-themed assignment. >> calling for an end to a school assignment that involves the murder of a beloved elf. it started last tuesday at flowering field primary school in hyde, england, when fourth graders found a crime scene. it included a chalk outline of their elf on the shelf, fake blood, and crime scene tape. one mother was outraged saying it wasn't right that she had to explain the concept of homicide to her child. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: tell them santa got mad because the elf wasn't making toys fast enough and there was a price to pay. simple as that. speaking of toys, this seems to be -- maybe i'm missing something. seems to me there's no hot, impossible to find because every kid wants one, toy this year.
11:44 pm
in the past the hatch a mole, tickle me elmo, cabbage patch kids. there's no furby this year. so we brainstormed on some toy ideas and we assembled a focus group of kids to see how they might like some of the toys we came up with. and this is how that went. what we're going to do today is i'm going to show you some toys that no one has ever seen before. you'll be the first kids ever to see these toys. and they're exciting toys. and they're toys that i want to see what you think of. because we want to see if other kids will want to buy them, okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: okay, very good. everyone understand? >> yes, and my mommy told me that if we like them, we say we like them. if we do not like them, that's okay. >> jimmy: that's exactly right. so do you guys like animals? >> yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: what's your favorite animal? yes? >> unicorn. >> jimmy: yes? >> owls. >> jimmy: yes? >> giraffes, because they're
11:45 pm
yellow. >> jimmy: nice. >> elephants. >> jimmy: elephants, giraffes, unicorns, and owls. >> what is your favorite animal? >> jimmy: my favorite animal is the monkey. but we don't have a monkey for you right now. we have this adorable -- thank you -- puppy. >> aww! >> jimmy: this is daisy the downer dog. [ laughter ] >> can i feel it? >> jimmy: yes, you can feel it. what do you think? how does she feel? >> this is so cute! >> jimmy: yeah, isn't it cute? >> can i feel it? >> i really think the kids would like it. >> fluffy. >> jimmy: this is a special dog. you know how most dogs are happy? >> yes. >> yeah. >> jimmy: this one isn't happy at all. this is daisy the downer dog. >> down. >> jimmy: yeah. this is a dog that says sad things. you want to hear? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: here we go. >> i'm daisy the downer dog. what's your name? >> jimmy: oh, what's your name? >> allie. >> do you like chocolate?
11:46 pm
>> yes. >> if i eat chocolate, i'll die. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> oh, wow. >> will you be my friend? >> yeah. >> yeah. >> my last friend got hit by a bus. he was a kitty cat. >> oh. >> jimmy: isn't that sad? do you want to say something? tell him your name. >> i hate myself. do you hate me too? >> no. >> jimmy: oh, isn't that sweet. what do you think she needs? >> attention? >> jimmy: maybe a hug would be nice? anybody want to give -- yeah. >> i do. >> oh, that hurts my bones. >> jimmy: oh wow. maybe a hug is a little too hard. maybe a pet would be nice. you want to give a nice light pet? >> i have worms in my doo-doo. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> do you have worms in your doo-doo? >> no. >> no. >> no. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> i know. >> jimmy: yeah? >> you just need a family. >> jimmy: oh.
11:47 pm
>> my daddy got sold on craigslist. [ laughter ] i need expensive surgery. >> jimmy: oh. >> will you buy me expensive surgery? >> jimmy: will you buy daisy expensive surgery? >> okay. so where does it hurt? >> oh, everywhere. but mostly my soul. >> oh. >> soul? >> jimmy: yeah, its soul, it's connected to the battery pack. [ laughter ] how do you feel right now? tell me on a scale of 1 to 604, how are you feeling about daisy the -- >> i think i like him. >> she's making me happy. >> aww. >> jimmy: making you happy? >> yeah, which is nice. so daisy? >> yes? >> i wish you could never feel sad, because you're too nice for me. >> i'll try to hang on. [ laughter ] >> come here. >> jimmy: aww, how nice.
11:48 pm
>> could i have a hug? >> yes. >> ow, it hurts my bones. [ laughter ] i've been overbred. >> aww! >> can i talk to him now? >> jimmy: yes, you want to talk to daisy? there you go. >> daisy, do you want a kiss? >> yes, please give me a kiss. but careful, i have pinkeye. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, daisy has pinkeye, yeah. well. pink is a nice color, right? uh-huh? >> i can't see colors. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, daisy's color blind. do you think -- this is a toy you would want santa to bring you? >> yes. >> jimmy: this is a toy you would want? >> yeah. >> jimmy: to make you sad all day long? >> no. >> no. >> jimmy: no? to make you happy all day long? >> do you want to be happy? >> i'm always in pain. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh. you know, it sounds like my deceased grandmother, to be honest with you.
11:49 pm
so you do like daisy? this is a hit? >> yes. >> yes. >> jimmy: yes? thank you, daisy. >> please put me to sleep, please? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. well, thanks, kids. tonight on the show, we have music from rita wilson. matty matheson is here. and we'll be right back with will ferrell and john c. reilly. hey, who are you? oh, hey jeff, i'm a car thief... what?! i'm here to steal your car because, well, that's my job. what? what?? what?! (laughing) what?? what?! what?! [crash] what?! haha, it happens. and if you've got cut-rate car insurance, paying for this could feel like getting robbed twice. so get allstate... and be better protected from mayhem... like me.
11:50 pm
♪ cheezcombination of thecrunch with-ying cheese. with their delicious perfection- cheese. it's not all about you cheese. you think i have a mouth. i'm a wheel of cheese. got a point. [yeah] cheez-it. cheesy, crunchy satisfaction. (woman) what is happening?ected. (robot) you can get the samsung galaxy s9 for just $9 per month at sprint. (woman) no way! (robot) on to the next. punch it paul. (vo) get the samsung galaxy s9 for people with hearing loss, for just $9 per month at sprint. visit ♪ everyone in your family is only $10 bucks ♪y ♪ ♪ even your kid's friend who's always around ♪ ♪ at $10 bucks a head, trevor can stay ♪ ♪ 3 for $10 bucks, baby, bucks, baby, bucks ♪ mmm-hmm... ♪ oh baby, 3 for $10 bucks, ♪ ♪ baby, bucks, baby, bucks ♪
11:51 pm
pain from a headache whcan make this...ld, ...feel like this. all-in-one cold symptom relief from tylenol®, the #1 doctor recommended pain relief brand. tylenol®. with its historical records... ancestry's dna test could learn you're from ireland... ...donegal, ireland... ...and your ancestor was a fisherman. with blue eyes. just like you. begin your journey at seaonly abreva cany to help sget rid of it in... little as 2 1/2 days when used at the first sign. abreva starts to work immediately to block the virus and protect healthy cells. abreva acts on it.
11:52 pm
so you can too. (woman) what is happening?ected. (robot) you can get the samsung galaxy s9 for just $9 per month at sprint. (woman) no way! (robot) on to the next. punch it paul. (vo) get the samsung galaxy s9 for people with hearing loss, for just $9 per month at sprint. visit
11:53 pm
ed gets copays as lowlily go to as zero dollars on medicare part d prescriptions. ed gets labels clear as day. and, lily.... lily gets anything she wants. ed knows he could just have us deliver his prescriptions. but what's the fun in that? switch to cvs pharmacy. tonight, from toronto -- he's a chef and now an author too. his new book is, "matty matheson: a cookbook." matty matheson is here to chat and to show you how to make one stuffed shells, i believe, is what we're making tonight. then she's an actress and a
11:54 pm
singer too. her latest album is called, "bigger picture." rita wilson from the mercedes-benz stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, amy adams will be here. jeff ross and dave attell will be here together. and we'll have music from kurt vile. please join us for that. our first guests tonight are comically-gifted men with many l's in their names. and an abundance of naturally curly hair. you can see them together as detective and doctor in the new comedy "holmes & watson." it opens in theaters christmas day. please welcome will ferrell and john c. reilly. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome, gentlemen. >> whoo! >> yeah! >> jimmy: thanks for coming.
11:55 pm
you look great. you both look great. [ cheers and applause ] really, i mean, this is like -- this is beyond a suit. this is like you've gone another step into fashion. >> yeah, we decided to turn it up a notch. this was a gift. >> yeah, this was a gift from john. >> jimmy: you gifted will with a suit? >> a great tailor in london, david saxby, made both this suit and that one. >> jimmy: he did? >> i'm wearing suspenders and i'm not used to the calibration between what's the right amount of suspension and what's not. [ laughter ] it feels like they're riding right up the old -- >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] it looks fine in the butt. >> like wearing a thong, you've got to get used to it. suck it up and get used to it. >> jimmy: that's great. first of all, i saw the movie and it is very funny. how did you decide who was going to be holmes and who was going to be watson?
11:56 pm
>> at first we couldn't, so we'd shoot every other day switching parts. [ laughter ] >> there's a great alternate version of the movie out there. >> a month full of us switching. it was not cost productive. >> jimmy: really? >> just make a decision, make a decision. >> and i decided to be sherlock. john is the amazing dr. watson. >> jimmy: uh-huh, yes. >> if you saw "stepbrothers," you know i lived in a house -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you. >> oh, you didn't see it? [ laughter ] >> i lived in a house of learned doctors. in this movie i get to play a learned doctor. >> jimmy: a learned -- yes, yes. maybe not quite as learned but yes, a doctor for sure. so you guys -- you went over to england. did you know how to do an english accent beforehand or was that something that you had to learn going in? >> of course we knew how to do a british accent. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: perfect, perfect. >> yes, of course.
11:57 pm
>> jimmy: how long were you in england? >> 3 1/2 months. >> yeah, i didn't know we'd be there after that so i was there longer. >> jimmy: did you enjoy living there? >> well, i did. except by the time i left there, i thought i was -- >> do we have any people from london here? good. continue. [ laughter ] >> i thought i was having a nervous breakdown. >> jimmy: why? >> i thought, i'm having a psychotic break. i need to see -- i won't go see a doctor here. when i go home, i'll see a psychiatrist, because something is very wrong. >> jimmy: what was will doing? >> i'm not able to focus, you know -- i got home and i stopped drinking four pots of tea a day and i was fine. turns out it was all that english tea. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you od'd on tea? >> always with the cuppa, cuppa, cuppa? you turn around, someone's giving you tea. >> jimmy: will, you drank tea over there? >> i drank plenty of tea, no problems. >> jimmy: did you live together in the same hotel while you were
11:58 pm
there? >> we lived in an abandoned -- no. [ laughter ] i stayed in a house. john lived on a ship. >> yeah, i lived on the river thames in a houseboat. >> right on the thames, a pretty long ship, a customs house ship. multiple rooms. a little like eight-person dance party. >> dancing like this. hey, man. arrgh! the ship would hit a pier or a ferry would go by and the wake. >> it would just throw you. >> jimmy: that sounds great. >> it felt like you're drunk all the time on this house. >> you got used to it after a while. >> they tightened up the moorings after a while, so yes, it got better. >> jimmy: i have a photograph of the two of you at what they call a football game but we know that's not what it is. >> football match. >> jimmy: it's really soccer though, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yes? no? >> soccer. >> jimmy: there you are.
11:59 pm
>> look at the revelry. >> i brought my brass horn. >> jimmy: what is going on there? >> that was frowned upon, i found out. they're like, no noisemakers at all! >> jimmy: is that right? >> very formal. i wore a tweed suit that was a castoff from the movie to the soccer match. >> jimmy: you're very dressed up for a sporting event. you were the only -- will, you're wearing -- >> i'm wearing a tie. we were in a special area where you had to be formally dressed. >> jimmy: oh. >> of course i'm wearing a speedo underneath that. [ laughter ] yeah, we were in a very exclusive part for the chelsea supporters. >> jimmy: i see. >> you had to dress up. >> we did run into a sherlock holmes-related character at that mark strong -- >> we got this actor mark strong -- >> he played the main villain in the robert downey sherlock. >> jimmy: the bald guy? >> exactly. >> super fierce, he looks like an eagle.
12:00 am
>> we're talking to him, he was with his son. could we take a photo with him? absolutely. he's like, what are you guys doing here? we're like, we're doing holmes and watson. and he went -- [ laughter ] what? and he just had this astonished look. i don't know if it was anger. i don't know if it was jealousy. resentment? he's like, really? >> i think it was disappointment. pretty sure. >> disappointment that we were handed the reins of holmes and watson. >> yeah, we went to england and we made a lot of fun of english people, i have to say. >> jimmy: sounds like it. >> not very good guests. >> thank god there's no one from london here. >> jimmy: at least you have each other. how many movies have you made together now? >> 43. >> jimmy: 43 movies. >> four. >> jimmy: okay, four movies. >> i was in "naked men" too but it was brief. four altogether. >> jimmy: do you count that one? >> i count it. i put a lot of heart into stonewall jackson.
12:01 am
>> he was the ghost of stonewall jackson. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll make it four, then. what have you learned about each other? what is it about you, each other, that you like so well? and did you like each other right at the outset? >> you know -- i did like will right at the outset. we met -- i'll never forget on the west side highway, mollie shannon introduced us. i was like, who is this guy? he seems very familiar like we could be related or something. but yeah, we -- over time we like got to know each other better and better. and then i almost did al we did "adega ndppuse out. i feel we did develop quite a real relationship. >> quite a real relationship. one of the things i love about john is he has colorful expressions to announce when he's going to the bathroom. >> jimmy: oh. >> it's become one of my
12:02 am
favorite terms as well, that when john has to go number two -- >> uh-huh. >> which could also be -- you've heard the term drop a deuce? >> jimmy: yeah. >> he said, "i got to find my passport, it's somewhere here, i'm taking a trip to dusseldorf." [ laughter and applause ] >> a genteel way of saying it. >> on a film set that gets shortened to, "you got my passport? thank you. i gotta go." we just leave it out and it turns into this great code. sophisticated potty talk. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. i can see what you saw in will on the west side highway now. >> yeah. i looked in those eyes and i thought, there's someone who understands dusseldorf. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: when we come back we're going to see a clip from your latest collaboration, "holmes and watson." will ferrell and john c. riley are here. we'll be right back. the one the experts at rootmetrics say
12:03 am
is number one in the nation? sure, they probably know what they're talking about. or the one that j.d. power says is highest in network quality by people who use it every day? this is a tough one. well, not really, because verizon won both. so you don't even have to choose. why didn't you just lead with that? it's like a fun thing. (vo) chosen by experts. chosen by you. get six months apple music on us. it's the unlimited plan you need on the network you deserve. now buy the latest galaxy phones, get galaxy s9 free. i'm not picking it up. you pick it up! i'm not picking it up. i'll pick it up! they're clean! ♪'cuz my hiney's clean.♪ ♪oh yeah i'm charmin clean.♪ charmin ultra strong just cleans better. enjoy the go with charmin.
12:04 am
yeah right. iand the earth is flat. ahhh!! treat your cough seriously with robitussin cf max. nothing lasts longer and treats more symptoms for your cough, cold and flu. robitussin. because it's never just a cough.
12:05 am
what'with coverage havinthroughout your home? how about having internet that can help you save on wireless phone service? xfinity gives you the fastest speeds from america's best internet provider to stream on all your devices. plus, with xfinity mobile included, you can switch your wireless carrier and save hundreds of dollars a year. now that's simple, easy, awesome. get started for $29.99 a month for 12 months. plus, ask how you can get xfinity mobile included so all you pay for is data. switch today.
12:06 am
12:07 am
12:08 am
i should like to send a telegraph. grace, stop. are you awake, stop. you're such a pretty doctor lady. >> ooh! >> are you quite sure this is a good idea? >> the culmination of your drunkenness allows communication of exceptional honesty. >> i will call it an intoxigram. >> no one shall ever regret sending one, ever. ask her what she's wearing. >> what are you wearing, stop. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: will ferrell and john c. reilly in "holmes and watson." >> what could go wrong? >> yeah. they do. >> there's a -- yeah, there's a tepid level of excitement. >> you guys were excited. [ cheers and applause ]
12:09 am
>> there's a lot of shake and bake. >> jimmy: yeah? >> boats and hose. [ cheers and applause ] which is weird with your kids. boats or hose! what does that mean, daddy? tell you later. >> jimmy: boats is where daddy lived. and never mind the other. i think there's real affection between the two of you. >> there is. >> jimmy: almost like when you were talking earlier about your chemistry, obviously you guys have great chemistry. i notice, will, you almost seemed a little misty-eyed or something. >> it's really good that we're back -- oh, buddy? you all right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you all right? >> it's good to be back together. it's been pretty emotional. >> it kind of has. just -- a lot of emotion. >> jimmy: you guys want to take a break or something? >> no, no, we'll work through it. we'll sing through it. [ cheers and applause ]
12:10 am
♪ i'll never leave your side being with you is such a lovely ride ♪ ♪ the breakup we've had has made me lonesome and sad ♪ ♪ i realize i want back want you back hey hey ♪ ♪ i spent the evening with the radio ♪ ♪ regret the moment that i let you go ♪ ♪ i quarrel with such a way of learning so much ♪ ♪ i know now that i love you cause i miss your touch hey hey ♪ ♪ reunited and it feels so good ♪ ♪ reunited because it's understood ♪ ♪ there's one perfect thing and sugar this one is it ♪
12:11 am
♪ we both are so excited cause we're reunited hey hey ♪ ♪ ♪ oh oh hey hey ♪ holmes and watson in theaters on christmas day ♪ ♪ that's right a big christmas present for all of you from both of us, yeah ♪ ♪ we both are so excited cause we're reunited hey hey ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's really -- i think it's great to see men express their affection, really a beautiful thing. john c. reilly and will ferrell. "holmes and watson" christmas day. be right back with mattie matheson!
12:12 am
please say the name of your second pet. rok-narr... incorrect. your call is important to us. we'll be with you shortly. oh! ok! good! yes! hello, daniel. can you hold, please? no! please! main menu. calling customer service is the worst. so t-mobile just made it better no bots. no bouncing, real customer service takes real people. i love you guys. we get that a lot. be right back. with moderate to severe crohn's disease, i was there, just not always where i needed to be. is she alright? i hope so. so i talked to my doctor about humira. i learned humira is for people who still have symptoms of crohn's disease after trying other medications. and the majority of people on humira saw significant symptom relief. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems,
12:13 am
serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. be there for you, and them. ask your gastroenterologist about humira. with humira, remission is possible. the new capital one savor card. earn 4% cash back on dining and 4% on entertainment. now when you go out, you cash in. what's in your wallet?
12:14 am
red lobster's new weekday five days.s here: five deals. for fifteen dollars get a different deal every weekday til six pm like endless shrimp monday admiral's feast tuesday four course feast wednesday and more. five days. five deals. fifteen dollars. see you before six.
12:15 am
sweat. dedication. cupcakes. i'm michael griffin. i'm brian orakpo. we played football together for the titans. now, we own a cupcake shop. we bake, we decorate. i love this new surface pro. it's light, it's sleek, it's fast. i'm able to draw what color frosting we want. we do a lot with social media. we have funny videos that we do in the bakery [laughs]. there's nothing that you can't do on this device. cupcakes are a great business. oh yeah, as long as you don't eat the profits!
12:16 am
12:17 am
12:18 am
"what a nice place" "hey grandma!" "what are you doing here?" "eat! eat!" "okay!" "see you on sunday" "bye bye!" ♪ cats would do anything
12:19 am
for the irresistible taste of temptations treats. what are you doing? hey, check this out. temptations - cats can't resist. i'm ray and i quit smoking with chantix. smoking. it dictates your day. i didn't like something having control over me. i wanted to stop. the thing is i didn't know how. chantix, along with support, helps you quit smoking. chantix reduced my urge to smoke to the point that i could quit. when you try to quit smoking, with or without chantix, you may have nicotine withdrawal symptoms. some people had changes in behavior or thinking, aggression, hostility, agitation, depressed mood, or suicidal thoughts or actions with chantix. serious side effects may include seizures, new or worse heart or blood vessel problems, sleepwalking, or allergic and skin reactions which can be life-threatening. stop chantix and get help right away if you have any of these. tell your healthcare provider if you've had depression or other mental health problems. decrease alcohol use while taking chantix.
12:20 am
use caution when driving or operating machinery. the most common side effect is nausea. for me chantix worked.boom. end of story. talk to your doctor about chantix. cheezcombination of thecrunch with-ying cheese. with their delicious perfection- cheese. it's not all about you cheese. you think i have a mouth. i'm a wheel of cheese. got a point. [yeah] cheez-it. cheesy, crunchy satisfaction.
12:21 am
you'll make my morning, buty the price ruin my day.ou? complicated relationship with milk? pour on the lactaid, 100% real milk, just without that annoying lactose. mmm, that's good. ♪sit with me on a muddy clump,♪ gone by.♪ ♪ ♪come, come, come, come, come along now,♪ ♪run away from the hum-drum, ♪we'll go to a place that is safe from♪ ♪greed, anger and boredom. ♪we'll dance and sing till sundown,♪ ♪and feast with abandon, ♪we'll sleep when the morning comes,♪ ♪and we'll rise by the sound of the birdsongs.♪
12:22 am
>> jimmy: our next guest has a new cookbook with recipes ranging from a microwavable bologna bowl to the finest
12:23 am
french cuisine. it is called, "matty matheson: a cookbook." please welcome the man who put the "tattoo" in ratatouille. matty matheson. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thanks for coming. matty, congratulations on your book. >> thanks so much. >> jimmy: "new york times" bestseller already. >> "new york times," they got it. >> jimmy: had you always wanted to write a cookbook? >> i talked about how it's an insane thing to do. now i had the opportunity to do one. >> jimmy: who came up with the title? >> it was a difficult thing, we had a lot of guys, nasa was involved. i'm just selling myself. >> jimmy: it's family stuff, not just your recipes? your family, in-laws' recipes -- >> my family, in-laws, carol, bill -- >> jimmy: things that are meaningful to you? >> the first time that i had real north american italian food, i was blown away and fell in love. then that story is in the book, me falling in love with my
12:24 am
in-laws' food. ricotta-stuffed shells? >> jimmy: a classic, my grandmother would make that, my mother would make that. >> you cook up shells, add pecorino. do you want to grind some? >> jimmy: i'd love to grind some. >> we have to start cooking soon. >> jimmy: here we go. >> you know, the best thing about this -- >> jimmy: what is the best thing? >> the best thing is the love of the family, right? the cooking. yeah! [ cheers and applause ] the smell, just add some parsley in here. we're going to make a beautiful thing. crack an egg. is that enough, jimmy? >> jimmy: yes, is that good? >> crack an egg in there. that's nice. >> jimmy: was i supposed to put the parmesan in there? >> i think so. >> jimmy: there you go. >> what's the best thing about stuffed shells? >> jimmy: the toasting on the top. >> the crispy corners, right?
12:25 am
>> jimmy: yeah. >> i find with the shells you get so many, there's so many nooks and crannies and all that. then this thing here -- should we go here? yeah, this is nice. so we're just making some shells. you can stir up the ricotta. stuff the shells very simply. >> jimmy: it already looks like christmas, i have to say. >> so lovely. do you want to stuff one? i'll stuff that, your hands are nice. >> jimmy: i can stuff. i'm happy to stuff. >> then you just fill it in. >> jimmy: how important is it really to wash your hands? not that important, right? >> i washed them off-tv! >> jimmy: i'm not talking about you. i mean just in general. [ laughter ] putting food in the oven, it's got to kill the germs, right? >> it kills it all! you should wash your hands all the time, jimmy. >> jimmy: okay. >> so this is sauce. what do you call this? >> jimmy: gravy. we call that gravy, yeah. >> then this. each house maybe is a little different. we have meatballs, sausage, ribs -- >> jimmy: ribs?
12:26 am
i like that. >> pork ribs, beautiful. gives it a little body. >> jimmy: well done, carol, by the way, with the ribs and the sauce, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> she'll get bummed when i talk too much about carol. shout-out to mom. so we got the meatballs and the ribs and the sausage. so the best thing about this is, you just use the sauce from that for so many different things like stuffed shells, pizza, marinara. >> jimmy: my grandmother would give me half a loaf of italian bread and i'd sit there with a bowl and just mop it up, i loved it. >> scarpetta. >> jimmy: is that what you call it? >> the bowl, the sauce -- >> jimmy: i just called it a pig. eating a meal before dinner. >> pig, pig, pig! i think we can bake these now. >> jimmy: pretend tv baking. >> we're baking! we're baking on tv! >> jimmy: on tv things bake really fast. you go like this and it's like, whoa, here it is! >> magic. so this is -- italian food, you like chili flake.
12:27 am
this is my father-in-law, bill. he is a dentist and a wild man. he grows scotch bonnets and jalapenos and serranos, dries them out and makes a powder. we were making this powder -- i've been dating my wife since like 2000. i think so. [ cheers and applause ] ha ha! >> jimmy: we don't know how it's going. >> she's the best, two kids, beautiful. rizzo and macarthur. so the first time i went to their house -- not the first time. within the first -- >> jimmy: you named your kid rizzo? >> rizzo, she's a girl, rizzo! [ cheers and applause ] beautiful baby girl! i love my baby girl. she's the best. rizzo louise. and dried peppers. we dry out the peppers, we have a blender -- these are bill's. these will do. you can use all these different ones. take hot ones --
12:28 am
>> jimmy: it doesn't matter? >> just a dried -- just dry. kind of dry, it won't work. you need to push your limits. these are random ones. these aren't anything to do with my book but it will be for effect. >> jimmy: okay. these are going to be hot? this is going to be a hot concoction? >> this is picante. this gets dusty, jimmy. >> jimmy: buzz it up. >> we're going to buzz it up. oh! so this is the greatest thing ever. now -- okay, we need -- okay. be careful. okay. >> jimmy: no one breathe. >> no one breathe, this is spicy. we've got our -- okay, okay. we've got to go! >> jimmy: all right. >> let's get the thing out. this is the big shells. look at this. jimmy! >> jimmy: they are, wow, that's beautiful, wow. [ cheers and applause ] that's certainly up my alley.
12:29 am
>> put some more, jimmy! spice it up! >> jimmy: guillermo, come over here, it's time, it's the time you like. >> guillermo! >> jimmy: should i portion some out? >> yes. >> jimmy: that's a nice one for you right there. we'll get you a little gravy on top of that. >> a meatball. this is vegetarian, kind of. meat sauce underneath. >> jimmy: heavy on the "kind of," yes, exactly. >> heavy on the "kind of," jimmy. >> jimmy: there's a little something for you right there. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: i'll take some also. >> like a taco. we're in los angeles. >> jimmy: just like a taco, guillermo. >> guillermo: yeah, it is like a taco. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sorry. >> that's okay. >> jimmy: here you go. >> want a little try? how fantastic is this? >> guillermo: this is great. >> jimmy: i don't know yet. it is hot, wow. what do you think, guillermo? >> guillermo: this is amazing, jimmy, wow. >> jimmy: oh, it is delicious. i mean, it really is. >> it tastes like family. life. amazing. >> jimmy: maybe make this on
12:30 am
christmas, you know? [ cheers and applause ] >> christmas! >> jimmy: oh, we're still on tv, all right. there you go. the recipe for these shells and the gravy and all this is in "matty matheson: a cookbook." thank you, everybody. be right back with rita wilson! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
12:31 am
12:32 am
>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i want to thank will ferrell, john c. reilly and chef matty matheson. apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next, but first, this is her album, "bigger picture." here with the title track, rita wilson! ♪ ♪ ♪ took an old scrapbook off a closet shelf dusted off the cover dusted off myself ♪
12:33 am
♪ laid it in my lap and i opened it up to find who i am ♪ ♪ and who i was wonder woman cape on a wide eyed girl dreams too big ♪ ♪ for a small town world faded red ribbon from my first track meet second place never ♪ ♪ was enough for me you wanna win but you compromise you lose yourself ♪ ♪ in all the lies till you're someone you hardly recognize ♪ ♪ oh they say you can't move forward when you're looking back ♪
12:34 am
♪ but i'm hoping there's some answers hidden somewhere in the past every snapshot memory ♪ ♪ missing piece just might put me back together help me see the bigger picture ♪ ♪ white corsage senior prom christmas from the year ♪ ♪ that i lost my mom wedding day waving from the ♪ ♪ back of a car before broken vows and broken hearts ♪ ♪ now i'm time and tears and year removed from a world of hurt ♪ ♪ i can't undo lost and searching for some kinda clue oh they say ♪ ♪ you can't move forward when
12:35 am
you're looking back but i'm hoping ♪ ♪ there's some answers hidden somewhere in the past ♪ ♪ every snapshot memory missing piece just might put me back together help me see ♪ ♪ the bigger picture the girl i thought i was isn't lost in yesterday ♪ ♪ am i strong enough to turn another page they say you can't move forward ♪ ♪ when you're looking back but i found a couple answers hidden right here ♪ ♪ in my past every snapshot memory missing piece just might ♪ ♪ put me back together help me
12:36 am
see the bigger picture oh the bigger picture ♪ ♪ took an old scrapbook off a closet shelf dusted off the cover dusted off myself ♪
12:37 am
this is "nightline." >> tonight, hack attack. breaking down the door of an international cyber crime ring. terry moran taking us to the darkest corners of the internet, hiding in plain sight. >> what were your biggest hacks? >> nasa, the u.s. navy. >> inside the minds of computer hackers trying to steal your data, your dollars, your identity. tyler's legacy. >> brought a little gift to the team captain, man. >> the college football superfan who inspired a team and a dream. >> there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. as long as you rely on your faith, things will work out. >> touching hearts with his courageous battle. ♪ love will keep us together


info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on