Skip to main content

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  August 26, 2019 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

11:35 pm
all right. that is our report. we appreciate your time. i'm dan ashley. >> and i'm ama daetz. for chris, sandhya, all of us, thanks for being here. on "jimmy >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- julia louis-dreyfus. cooking with steve martorano. and music from bj the chicago kid. and now, for the most part, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] it's too much already. but thank you. this is -- we're here on a big night in american politics. the night of a hundred podiums, the second of two debates this week on cnn. the lineup tonight was biden,
11:36 pm
harris, booker, castro, yang, gabbard, maynard and hartley. and the last two names i made up, but did you notice? no. because there are too many people. the candidates, i have to say, they really came out swinging tonight. no punches were pulled. >> here we go! >> oh! gehrig goes in there punching. this is not a good scene at all. >> jimmy: i think we have the wrong clip. that was not the debate. [ laughter ] that was from the reds and pirates last night. let's look at it again in slow motion. because you can see from the other angle it looked like he connected, but not exactly the ufc from this one. watch the police officer here, because he's just like uh, not, nothing to see here. [ applause ] go back to your seats. get me a pretzel. back to cnn. cnn had ten candidates last night and another ten to talk to tonight. that is not a group of h&r block
11:37 pm
employees here to help you with your w-9. those are the liberal hopefuls. it was a serious debate that got intense at times. but there were moments of levity. bill de blasio, the mayor of new york was funny. he said, "when i am president," and that was good. [ laughter ] cory booker from new jersey said we need real marijuana justice, which i think is a new seth rogen movie coming out this summer. [ laughter ] the businessman andrew yang said we're too late to solve global warming, so we need to get to higher ground. he's basically got the same climate change policy as the rock. [ laughter ] and once again, kamala harris and joe biden fought like a divorcing couple on a paddleboat. it was everyone went after joe biden. it was joe versus the volcano tonight. after the beating he got last time biden said he wasn't going to be as polite this time around. and he definitely lived up to that. >> vice president biden, you just heard mayor de blasio, what's your response? >> my response is --
11:38 pm
[ long burp ] >> the debate will be right back, right after this short break. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he didn't even say excuse me. joe biden, you know, he's 76 years old. he stride to win over younger voters by using some of the hip slang from today. >> this idea is a bunch of malarkey. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: good luck freeing a$ap rocky with language like that. [ laughter ] president trump has been watching and tweeting. the president weighed in today with his review of night one, lashing out at cnn moderator don lemon. he wrote, "cnn's don lemon, the dumbest man on television." uh, hello. [ laughter ] "insinuated last night while asking a debate question that i was a racist, when in fact, i am the leastest -- the least racist person in the world." he puts that in quotes, like it's from a study or something. [ laughter ] you know who said that about him? him!
11:39 pm
he's quoting himself. back to don lemon, "perhaps someone should explain to don that he's supposed to be neutral, unbiased, and fair. or is he too dumb, stupid to understand that?" he felt the need for whatever reason to explain that dumb means stupid. is it possible he thinks the people who follow him are too dumb to understand the word dumb? [ laughter ] anyway, we have dueling dons. it's not every day you see an orange attack a lemon, so that was fun. [ cheers and applause ] and i say this too. because people talk about doubling down. only donald trump would claim he's the least racist person in the world while calling a black man stupid. [ laughter ] watching this debate with all these democrats talking about all these -- it was like being in a house with a bunch of firefighters, and there's a raging wildfire outside. all the firefighters are on the couch arguing about how to fight it. there was a lot going on. last night one of the candidates, governor steve bullock from montana, i guess
11:40 pm
they didn't have enough room for him on the stage, so they had to improvise. >> governor steve bullock, please begin. >> thanks, dana. i come from a state where a lot of people vote for donald trump. [ laughter ] let's not kid ourselves. >> jimmy: well, you know what? turn out the lights when you're done in there, steve. senator bernie sanders had a big night last night and one of the highlight moments. tim ryan was arguing with him, i don't know who tim ryan is either, but he was arguing about the details of a bill and bernie shouted "i wrote the damn bill," which shut him up. and of course the bill he was referring to is of rights. it was bernie and james madison. [ laughter ] they were holed up in a room with a quill pen and a whale oil lamp. the surprise star of the night last night was marianne williamson, who self-helped her campaign. watching this debate i missed her. it was like watching "game of thrones" without melisandre, the witch. marianne williamson if you don't know is a spiritual author slash
11:41 pm
motivator who was the most searched candidate of the night last night. the top google searches during the debate were marianne williamson, bernie sanders, and porn. not in that order. [ laughter ] marianne williamson to me seems like what happens you when you stay after yoga classes and ask your teacher if she has any tips and you walk out with two tinctures and eucalyptus oil. there are a lot of tweets, people even i know saying he sounds like me. of course when i saw it my first thought was who is john delaney? and then i figured that out. then i actually think he does kind of sound like me, but my wife doesn't and the kids don't. but i'll let you decide. close your eyes and open your ears and decide whether or not this guy sounds like me. >> so listen, this is what i don't understand. president trump wants to build physical walls and beats up on immigrants. >> jimmy: he looks like me, but he doesn't sound like -- what do
11:42 pm
you think? >> guillermo: i don't think so. >> jimmy: you don't think he sounds like me? >> guillermo: no, no. >> jimmy: can you imagine if he became president? >> guillermo: oh, my god. >> jimmy: i could prank call every major leader in the world. [ cheers and applause ] and i would use that power. that is my promise to you, my fellow americans. [ applause ] while we're on the subject of prank calls, sebastian gorka, this is one of the monsters who lives under donald trump's bed. this guy, apparently he has a radio show, and apparently if you call that show it's not so hard to get through. >> mr. gorka, i used to live in rosemont, west baltimore. i find it strange nobody's asking a certain question about all this. >> what's the question? >> well, do you have to buy special shirts to fit your head through your neck hole? >> in baltimore i'm not really sure. but that's a very strange question. let's go to josh in wyoming. line two. >> hi, how are you? >> very well, welcome to america first.
11:43 pm
>> good, thank you, i'm a little nervous to be on the air. >> don't be, don't be. nobody's listening, only about 2 million people, so you can relax. >> oh, wow, okay, then i will just say that you are a balloon headed [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, thanks, josh. i think that summed it up. well done, josh, or whatever your name is. so back to this debate. one of the things the candidates feel like they have to do is sell us on their humble beginnings. you see this every election. they try to one-up each other on their back stories. like this. >> i stand before you today as a granddaughter of an iron ore miner. >> i'm the grandson of immigrants. ? i was raised in a single parent household. >> as the daughter of a union teacher and a newspaper man. zplt son of a construction worker. >> i grew up with a single mom in a poor neighborhood. >> my parents met when they were active in the civil rights movement. >> my sister is dating my
11:44 pm
father. yeah. yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she could probably pull a few votes from trump. [ applause ] this is a subject i'd like to see these candidates weigh in on. holiday inn announced yesterday that they're doing away with mini shampoos. you know the shampoos you get. and this upsets me because those little shampoos are really one of the simple pleasures of life. you get one, you're deciding how much to use. there's not a lot of shampoo, but it's free. you can either use a little bit of it, just in case the maid doesn't leave a new one, or you can gamble and pour it all out on your head. they're getting rid of them and doing it for the environment, which is also what they say when they don't want to wash your towels. it's for the environment. this seems like an unusually forward-thinking move for a company that still brags about the fact that they have a fax machine in the business center. [ laughter ] meanwhile, donald trump is going the other way. his campaign has now sold almost half a million dollars' worth of plastic straws. this is the real thing you can
11:45 pm
buy. "liberal paper straws don't work. stand with president trump and buy your pack of recyclable straws today." and plastic straws are only the beginning. the trump store is going all-in with this. >> global warming, climate change, extreme weather, the reason is it's never sort of working. >> want to support our president and devastate the environment? shop till you drop at the trump store [ bleep ] the ocean sale-a-bration. we have a garbage patch full of patriotic products guaranteed to choke every last [ bleep ] fish in the sea. packing peanuts, plastic straws, coffee stirrers, six-pack rings, batteries, toxic sludge and paint. the only turtle we care about is this one. remember, if the name says trump, it's good to dump. the trump store, [ bleep ] the ocean sale-a-bration. let's make this shark week the
11:46 pm
last shark week. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is an interesting video, you know, because a lot of people watching the debates tonight want to hear about taxes. they want to know how much of their paychecks they're going to get to keep. this is a kid named donnie who got an early lesson not from the debate but monopoly. >> where's all your money gone, donnie? >> taxes. 9, 10, 11. i want to fix my houses. >> bud, it's okay. it's part of the game. >> no it's not. it's not fun. >> it's not fun to what? >> it's the worst part of the game. >> is what? >> taxes! >> jimmy: he's right. [ applause ] he's right. the kid named donnie. who doesn't want to pay taxes. he could be president some day. one thing about me is i believe that children are our future.
11:47 pm
i know it's controversial, but it's just what i think. whomever we elect will have a great impact on future generations, and even though kids can't vote yet, they should be heard. so we went down to the farmer's market and asked children to tell us who they think should be the next president. ♪ >> who do you think should be the next president? >> michelle obama. >> how come? >> well, she was a better president than donald trump. >> bruno mars. >> why would he be good? >> because he would take care of people and make good music for people. >> who do you think should be the next president? >> alf. >> who do you think should be the next president? >> oprah. >> how come? >> she's very inspirational. >> someone nice. >> maybe justin bieber. >> why would he be a good president? >> uh, he'd be better than the one we have right now. >> i know someone named dara.
11:48 pm
she was a camp counselor, and she kind of like helps the environment a lot. and i think she'd be a great president. >> michael jordan. >> why would he be good? >> because i like the basketball skills. >> his shoes? >> yeah. >> who do you think should be the next president? >> my mommy. >> taylor swift, maybe. >> not donald trump. >> who would be better than him? >> at least someone with a good hair job. >> like you. you have great hair. >> yeah. >> who do you think should be the next president? >> odell beckham jr. >> why would he be good? >> i don't know. >> is he smart? >> not really. >> kanye west? >> why would he be good? >> because he's a rapper. >> do you think kim would make a good first lady? >> yeah. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
11:49 pm
>> jimmy: it's funny now. all right, we have a great show for you tonight. we have music tonight from bj the chicago kid. steve martorano is here. and we'll be right back with julia louis-dreyfus. so stick around. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by the samsung galaxy note 10. next-level power. ♪ feels like i'm taking flight. ♪ [sfx: poof] [sfx: squeaking eraser sound effect.] ♪ i am who i wanna be ♪ who i wanna be ♪ who i wanna be. ♪ i'm a strong individual ♪ feeling that power ♪ i'm so original, ♪ ya sing it louder. ♪ i am, oooh oooh oooh oooh ♪ ehhh ehhh ehhh ehhh ♪ i am, oooh oooh oooh oooh ♪ i am
11:50 pm
with this one little nexgard chew comes the confidence, you're doing what's right, to protect your dog from fleas and ticks for a full month. it's the #1 vet recommended protection. and it's safe for puppies. nexgard. what one little chew can do. charmin ultra soft! ♪ it's softer than ever. charmin ultra soft is softer than ever... so it's harder to resist. okay, this is getting a little weird. enjoy the go! with charmin! how do you get skin happy aveeno® with prebiotic oat. it hydrates and softens skin. so it looks like this... and you feel like this.
11:51 pm
aveeno® daily moisturizer get skin happy™ but dad, you've got allstate. with accident forgiveness they guarantee your rates won't go up just because of an accident. smart kid. indeed. are you in good hands? ♪ starter, entree and drink ifor always 10 bucks ♪ ♪ no strings attached, no hoops and no hurdles ♪ ♪ we're not an obstacle course, we're a chili's ♪ ♪ 3 for 10 bucks, baby, bucks, baby, bucks ♪ ♪ mmm-hmmm ♪ together we chili's, oh yeah, baby, yeah ♪ and take 25% off select adidas for the family! plus - everyone gets kohl's cash! take 25% off adidas apparel... save on adidas shoes... and adidas backpacks are just $41.25. plus - free amazon returns now at all kohl's stores! kohl's. depend® fit-flex underwear for all day fun... features maximum absorbency, ultra soft fabric and new beautiful designs for your best comfort and protection guaranteed.
11:52 pm
life's better when you're in it. be there with depend®. ♪ my feet go boom boom boom, zoom zoom zoom, zoom zoom zoom ♪ ♪ my feet go boom boom boom ♪ walkin' away from you
11:53 pm
>> jimmy: hello and welcome back to the show. tonight, a gentleman who knows his way around a pot of boiling water. he has a new italian steakhouse coming to pittsburgh. steve martorano is here. steve will be making my all-time favorite meal. do you know what that is, guillermo? >> guillermo: linguine and -- i forgot. >> jimmy: exactly. linguine and clams.
11:54 pm
then, his new album is called "11-23." bj the chicago kid from the mercedes-benz stage. tomorrow night, milo ventimiglia will be here. alison brie will join us. and we'll have music from the head and the heart. so please join us for that. our first guest tonight has more emmys than humans have fingers and toes, in some cases many more. she is nominated once again for her performance as selina meyer on the great show "veep." the seventh and final season is on hbo now. please welcome julia louis-dreyfus. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> thank you. >> jimmy: how are you? >> i'm good, how are you? >> jimmy: i'm doing great. thank you. >> so glad to see you. >> jimmy: and you're feeling well? everything is good? >> yeah. why, do i look sick? >> jimmy: well, you know, you'd had some things. >> some things here and there. i'm good. >> jimmy: you last night -- kind
11:55 pm
of elaine benes in a way got a shout out. >> yes. >> jimmy: let's show that clip so people know what's going on. >> i don't think the democratic party should be surprised that so many americans believe yada yada yada. [ cheers and applause ] >> that was so bizarre. i guess she's going to pick me as her running mate. is that what that means? >> jimmy: i think if anything shd be yr running mate. come on now. that must be kind of exciting. >> well -- >> jimmy: no? >> it's bizarre. it's kind of like worlds colliding and then some, right? >> jimmy: yeah. when you become such a part of the fabric of society. >> culture, yeah. >> jimmy: that you're now like a catch phran dete >> yeah, totally. >> jimmy: i imagine it's lik the lady from the "where's the beef" commercial must have felt like so many years ago. >> it will be weird when they say "no soup for you."
11:56 pm
>> jimmy: that will be weird. [ cheers and applause ] so do you feel like you have any kind of like, extraordinary insight into the election and wh goes on in the white house because of the show that you just did for seven seasons? just did for seven seasons? just did for seven seasons? just did for seven seasons? >> yeah, i think i've learned a lot about politics. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i've got a sense of the, of the true anxiety that probably a lot of these people feel going in and trying to sell themselves as a candidate, as a brand and make a stamp and a quick -- a stamp sort of -- as themselves but quickly and -- >> jimmy: yeah, right. just to boil yourself down. >> whoo. >> jimmy: and also to, the things you don't do are probably more important, as we saw. i think i learned what it's like to be a candidate from your show, and then i go, wait a minute, i don't know if it's really like this at all. [ laughter ] >> it is.
11:57 pm
>> jimmy: it is, yeah. >> as a matter of fact, as i was watching the debate tonight it gave me a lot of anxiety. i had to kind of turn away, you know? >> jimmy: when you would watch a debate like that, like a couple years ago would you be thinking oh, how can i use this for the show? >> totally, 100%. >> jimmy: and does that change the way you watched it tonight? you can just relax and. >> yeah, yeah, i guess. i don't know. i've seen it now a few times, know what i mean? >> jimmy: wouldn't it be great if cnn had just slipped one of selena's debate clips into that programming. >> i would have loved it. it would have fit in really perfectly. >> jimmy: it really would have fit in. that's the thing that's crazy. >> yeah. >> jimmy: what kind of time period -- like i don't know what i can say about the last episode of "veep" even though it was months ago that it aired. >> i think we can talk about it. >> jimmy: can we now know what happened? >> why not? why shouldn't we? >> jimmy: okay. >> i mean, i think. unless somebody tells me i'm wrong. go for it. >> jimmy: there's the ending of the show.
11:58 pm
>> yes. >> jimmy: in which selina again becomes president of the united states. [ applause ] >> everybody applauds, but it's not for real, number one, and number two, she's a terrible person. what the hell is wrong with this country! >> jimmy: well, we did it once, why not again? >> exactly. >> jimmy: okay, so, and then at the very end of the show -- >> yes. >> jimmy: it's 20 something, like four years later. >> they jump ahead 20, 25 years later. >> jimmy: and we're watching the news. and selina meyer has died. >> yes. we're at her funeral. the coverage of her funeral. >> jimmy: and almost immediately after -- just kind of right in the middle of the coverage of her funeral tom hanks dies and steals her thunder completely. >> that's exactly right. and that, incidentally, i love that joke so much because we spent a lot of time talking about his iconic career. and -- within the context of the
11:59 pm
show. of course it is an iconic career that he's had. but it was a callback in fact to the pilot episode of "veep" in which we reference tom hanks and what if something that selina did gets bumped out of the news cycle if something bad happens, like if tom hanks dies. and everybody looks -- actually it was matt walsh playing the character saying why would you say something like that? tom hanks is not going to die. and of course we use that joke at the end of the episode, which is really great. >> jimmy: what i was wondering is if tom knew he was going to die on the show. >> okay. so get a load of this. >> jimmy: okay. >> so i -- we're in the final mix for the show. we've locked picture. so this is -- you know, we're about to turn it in to hbo, and then it's done, done. you can't touch it. and we're listening to the playback. and one of our producers says, hey, who talked to tom about this? [ laughter ] and we all sort of looked at
12:00 am
each other. and we had all forgotten to be in touch with tom hanks. and so -- i mean, we'd gotten permission to use clips from his movies and stuff. so all of a sudden i'm furiously writing e-mails -- an e-mail to him, e-mail to his agent, texting him, trying to reach him because we were under the gun. i mean, literally we had no time. and fortunately, while we were in the sound mix, within about 20 minutes, i heard back from him. and the first thing he said was absolutely. i explained to him the joke, and he got it completely. and his second thing was he was complaining that he wasn't cast as the abortion doctor in an earlier episode. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: so it was a lose/lose for tom. >> exactly. but he was a good sport about it. >> jimmy: that's a good sport when you're calling to somebody to really -- to tell them that they've passed away. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and they handle it well. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's why he's
12:01 am
america's most beloved, i guess. >> exactly. >> jimmy: when we come back, we will see a clip that may remind you of what happened on television tonight. julia louis-dreyfus is here. we'll be right back. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] apple card is here. and here. it's a new kind of credit card. created by apple, not a bank. with a better way to track where you spend. daily cash you get back every day. and a new level of privacy and security. nice. ♪ this seat is reserved for the restless. nice. those who need to... move. and roar. and ride. up, down, over... ...powering through. this seat is for those that get down in it.
12:02 am
into the fray. the arena. this seat is not for spectators. ♪ millions of well-rested humans once roamed the earth. but with rising stress in the modern world, (yawning) a good night's sleep is nearly extinct. ♪ ♪ however, there's hope on the horizon. every day, ikea is designing vital sleep sanctuaries. with rest reserves like these, repopulation is possible, and together, we can save our sleep. ♪ ♪
12:03 am
a magical place...that's lookin' to get scared! halloween time is back in disneyland and disney california adventur .
12:04 am
and out of respect, we will let you make the first offer. thirty minutes. thirty minutes? objection! overruled. one hour. sweeten the deal by doing the dishes and i'll consider it. i wouldn't do it. i hate the dishes. one hour with the tablet, you walk the dog and do the dishes. if you insist. congratulations. only xfinity xfi lets you take control of your family's online time. that's simple, easy, awesome. xfinity xfi gives you the speed, coverage and control you need. manage your wifi network from anywhere when you download the xfi app today. find the brands you love from nordstrom. up to 70% off at nordstrom rack. ♪ that's fashion at a fraction. ♪
12:05 am
shop anytime at and get easy returns in store. nordstrom rack. what will you find?
12:06 am
tell you something about justice. senator. when i was coming up as a lawyer, i didn't have to remind everyone i was a woman every ten seconds, because they never let me forget it. i smiled all through the casual grabbing of my behind, and all the secret meetings on the golf course that i wasn't invited to. so how about giving a little thanks to the women like me who built the ladder that you used to get up onto your soapbox. how about for once in your life you stop whining, you stop complaining, and just man up, because i honestly -- [ applause ] yeah. that's right. you heard me. man up.
12:07 am
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: julia louis-dreyfus in "veep." it's over. there's no more "veep" to watch. but if you haven't watched it go back from the beginning and watch it all the way through to tom hanks's death. okay. i know this is maybe embarrassing but you've got eight emmys for acting. you've got 11 emmys total. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: you have -- you're tied for the most acting emmys ever from any comic actress. right? or any actor, male, female, no matter what. you're tied with cloris leachman. >> bless her heart. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: who is 93 years old. >> yes. >> jimmy: and are you looking forward to really crushing her in september? >> she's going down! remember cloris leachman in "young frankenstein"? >> jimmy: fantastic. f rachlt
12:08 am
frau bluhe. >> he was my boyfriend. she was incredible. >> jimmy: you're better. >> what? >> jimmy: you're going to be ahead of her. >> no, no, no, no. >> jimmy: it is the number of awards that really -- >> matters? >> jimmy: matters the most. i ask where you keep your awards. because you have so many emmys. there's only one trophy you display in your home. >> yes. yes. >> jimmy: it is this one right here. explain what that is. >> i'll tell you what that is. i got a star on the hollywood walk of fame a few years back, and they misspelled my [ bleep ] name. [ laughter ] for true. it was the most extraordinary moment. so they had to fix it. and i said oh, oh, save the misspelled part. julia luis dreyfuss. and so i have that, and it's a prized possession of mine. just a good reminder to keep me in my place. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's good, isn't it? >> jimmy: yeah, it's great. they jackhammered that out beautifully, too. >> yeah. >> jimmy: also, a great award, especially for a comedy actor is
12:09 am
the mark twain prize, which you received last year. >> yes. >> jimmy: and that's a big deal. it's at the kennedy center. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: everyone came to pay tribute to you. did you enjoy that experience? >> well, let me tell you something. i got this letter asking me to come to the kennedy center. and when i first got this letter, i misread it, and i thought they were asking me to speak about someone else. >> jimmy: mm-hmm. >> and i was like, i'm not going to go all the way to d.c. and tout somebody else's accolades. and then i read it again and i said oh, my god, it's me, oh, of course i'll go. [ laughter ] so that was actually how i opened the whole -- i was telling that story on myself, which is kind of true. but it was -- it was really scary, to tell you the truth, because you come out and there are like 3,000 people sitting there. >> jimmy: and they're very serious, kind of, for a comedy audience.
12:10 am
wealthy people mostly. >> yeah. and you're -- and they put you in a booth and you have to, you know, and i sort of made an evita joke when i was up there. but i was nervous as hell, and -- because they say we're going to give you this award for comedy, congratulations. now speak for 15 minutes. so it's sort of like you have to prove that you're worthy of it. >> jimmy: mm-hmm. >> which is how i looked at it, which is kind of the truth. and so i was just [ bleep ] in my pants, to tell you the truth. i was really nervous. >> jimmy: how long did you worry about and work on what you were going to say? >> please, i worried about it from the get-go and worked on it for a number of weeks leading up. but i had an epiphany on the plane ride there. actually, the plane ride from new york to d.c., because i'd done your show. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. you were with us, yeah. >> and i had this epiphany. i did a whole long bit about considering myself a dramatic actress and i was put off that this was only for comedy and i
12:11 am
had auditioned for "merchant of venice" and i didn't get it, and i thought it was sort of a joke that i hadn't gotten it, blah, blah, blah, so then i started doing porsche's monologue from "merchant of venice" but i did it like elaine benes. so that was my epiphany i got on the plane. so that worked out. >> jimmy: good for you, i guess. it's great to have you here. >> thank you. i'm so happy to be here. >> jimmy: i hope you beat that cloris leachman at the emmys. [ cheers and applause ] she's worn this crown for too long! julia louis-dreyfus! the final season of "veep" is on hbo. we'll be right back with steve martorano. [ cheers and applause ] he wanted his first drink to be of his own bourbon. he didn't have much money. but he did have a few friends. people who were raised the right way.
12:12 am
over 120 days, they rebuilt the distillery. and while their names might not be on our bottle... it's because of them, we can raise this bourbon today. jim beam. raised right. number one in overall network performance.full of "awards". highest in wireless network quality performance. highest in wireless network quality performance in the north central region. it's hard to know what to think. that's why sprint's doing things differently and offering a new one hundred percent total satisfaction guarantee. so, you can try out the network, see the savings and decide for yourself. switch to sprint and get both an unlimited plan and one of the newest phones included for just thirty-five dollars a month. for people with hearing loss, visit -[ scoffs ] if you say so. ♪ -i'm sorry? -what teach here isn't telling you is that snapshot rewards safe drivers with discounts on car insurance. -what? ♪ -or maybe he didn't know.
12:13 am
♪ [ chuckles ] i'm done with this class. -you're not even enrolled in this class. -i know. i'm supposed to be in ceramics. do you know -- -room 303. -oh. thank you. -yeah. -good luck, everybody. -oh. thank you. -yeah. delivered to your door try tso you can do more.very. ♪ feels so good ♪ feels so good ♪ feels so good target run and done. [dog barks] [dog panting] [dogs barking] [dogs growling] [dogs whimpering] (vo) the subaru crosstrek. dog tested. dog approved. [dog barks]
12:14 am
you sure you don't want me to come with you? i'm very sure. because i can. make good choices. you make good choices. i am. fiber is good for digestive health. good choices never tasted so good. raisin bran good choices never tasted so good. on a scale of one to five? one to five? it's more like five million. there's everything from happy to extremely happy. there's also angry. i'm really angry clive! actually, really angry. thank you. but what if your business could understand what your customers are feeling... and then do something about it. turn problems into opportunities. thanks drone. customers into fanatics change the whole experience. alright who wants to go again? i do! i do! i have a really good feeling about this.
12:15 am
to maximize freshness. hey... which is great, unless you don't live within 5 minutes of a jimmy john's. that's why jimmy john's is buying someone a house, a really real house in a jimmy john's delivery zone. for real. tell us why it should be you at because sandwich. and take 25% off select adidas for the family! tell us why it should be you at plus - everyone gets kohl's cash! take 25% off adidas apparel... save on adidas shoes... and adidas backpacks are just $41.25. plus - free amazon returns now at all kohl's stores! kohl's. [ cheers and applause ]
12:16 am
to the wait did frowe just win-ners. prouders everyone uses their phone differently. that's why xfinity mobile let's you design your own data.
12:17 am
now you can share it between lines. mix with unlimited, and switch it up at anytime so you only pay for what you need. it's a different kind of wireless network designed to save you money. save up to $400 a year on your wireless bill. plus get $250 back when you buy a new samsung note. click, call or visit a store today. and now, a youtube video with zero views. that was a youtube video with one view. brain freeze! no, it's my teeth. your teeth hurt? sensitivity. i should do something about it. 80% of sensitivity starts at the gum line,
12:18 am
so treat sensitivity at the source. new crest gum and sensitivity starts treating sensitivity immediately, at the gum line, for relief within days and wraps your teeth in sensitivity protection. ohh your teeth? no, it's brain freeze! crest. healthy, beautiful smiles for life. and let's make it work.pens, grab those command strips they hold strong with a peel, stick, and press. and with that college life begins. i said, college life begins. oh dear, let's take that down damage free. stretch release and look no marks no mess, much more you.
12:19 am
command. do. no harm. but allstate helps you. with drivewise. feedback that helps you drive safer. and that can lower your cost now that you know the truth... are you in good hands? with this one little nexgard chew comes the confidence, you're doing what's right, to protect your dog from fleas and ticks for a full month. and it's the only chew, fda approved to prevent infections that cause lyme disease. nexgard. what one little chew can do.
12:20 am
(classical music playing throughout) but one blows them allmany moisturizers... out of the water. hydro boost with hyaluronic acid to plump skin cells so it bounces back... neutrogena®
12:21 am
and try our hydrating makeup. delivered to your car door so you can do more refill. more recharge. more relax. target run and done. this is something bigger.g. that is big. not as big as that. big. bigger. big. bigger. this is big. and that's bigger.
12:22 am
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: bj the chicago kid is on the way. our next guest has restaurants in vegas, atlantic city and ft. lauderdale. and soon he will open his first-ever italian steak house in pittsburgh, pennsylvania. please say hello to
12:23 am
steve martorano. hello steve! [ cheers and applause ] >> very good to see you. >> jimmy: steve, congratulations on the steakhouse. >> it's an italian steakhouse. it's italian, because most steakhouses you go to have the same sides and appetizers. i wanted something different. so we're going to bring the italian feels to the apps like meatball and some macaroni dishes you really can't get in a good steakhouse. there's always a fettucine alfredo. but we're going to bring you linguine with clams. something like that. >> jimmy: as you know because we discussed this, my favorite meal, my death row meal, linguine and clams. >> how come when i said let's do a competition you said you didn't want to do it. >> jimmy: i know how to make it but i would not consider myself an expert in any way. >> this changed my whole style of cooking.
12:24 am
i'm from philly. i never went to school. i started selling sandwiches from a basement. nobody taught me [ bleep ]. nobody taught me anything. i went to new york city and i saw these guys in the boroughs claim house, you know, where they clip -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm watching these guys drop macaroni in the water, shuck clams i'm saying oh, this is the right way. i went home, shut everything down and started to do the right way. everything fresh, everything to order. but if it wasn't for that clam joint, i probably wouldn't be here today. >> jimmy: you'd be eating out of a can. >> which i do now. i still open up a progreso sometimes. >> jimmy: show us how to do it the hard way. >> clam knife. they say a clam knife. it's just a paring knife. you cut yourself, i swear on my mother, you cut yourself i'm walking out. all right? >> jimmy: i'll still be bleeding. it won't make a difference, though. >> clams. these are from jersey. >> jimmy: what kind of clam is that? >> this is a top neck clam. you can use a middle neck. you can use a cherry stone. they've got to be ice cold. if they're warm they won't open.
12:25 am
it will take you 20 years. they have to be soaked and ice-cold. also, hold that in your hand. rhode island, connecticut. these come from new jersey from samuel and sons. they've got the best clams around. but new york, boston. great clams. get your knife. you got some water. rinse it off in the water. we got your bowl. now, you know how to hold it, 'cause? >> jimmy: i think like this. >> no, no, no, that's [ bleep ]. turn it like this. >> jimmy: all right. >> the big part on the end, now you got to look for the lip. look at the lip and just get it in there easy. >> jimmy: oh, you go in the front way. >> real easy. >> jimmy: you got it. >> now you had cold clams? >> jimmy: it's my favori thing. i love it. i once went diving and i took a screwdriver and jammed it into a clam's mouth and i pulled the clam out and i pried it open and i ate the whole thing. y man. that's class. >> jimmy: thank you. >> now, look. i want to hear the noise. ain't that great? >> jimmy: not for them.
12:26 am
but for me, yeah. it does taste like the new jersey sea. >> it's a good sea we've got. >> jimmy: yeah. >> when you go buy fresh clams you can't open it go to your fish monger give them a couple dollars and tell them to open it for you. >> jimmy: you let him do it. all right. >> we're going to make the sauce. hot pan, cold oil, food will never stick. get the extra virgin olive oil. >> jimmy: how much? >> half a cup, which we're making a pound of macaroni. >> jimmy: is that good? >> come on, cuz. more. now we're going to take garlic. >> jimmy: crushed garlic. >> in italy, they don't use much garlic. i ain't from italy. >> jimmy: they don't eat -- >> they don't like much garlic. one, two, cloves. give me 30 cloves. i love it. >> jimmy: this is italian american. >> we want to brown this. then we'll throw a little bit of hot pepper. these are the clams that we shucked. we're going to put it in here. one minute. it's done. it's over with. the macaroni two seconds. now what do you want to talk
12:27 am
about? how's the family? >> jimmy: they're doing well, thank you. >> good. >> jimmy: they're not getting any of this. >> do you brown garlic? >> jimmy: yeah, you know what i do? i do a little trick. i put it all down here. >> i do the same thing. beautiful. i do the same thing. >> jimmy: then it all gets in there. >> it's got to have the brown. you like hot pepper? >> jimmy: i do, yes, oh, yeah. >> you like italian parsley? >> jimmy: i like everything. yeah. >> here's italian parsley in the oil. now you want to take yourself another, these are chilies. >> jimmy: that's dried chili pepper? >> dried. oregano. not oregano. oregano. comes from calabria. you want to put a little bit of this in it. >> jimmy: that looks like a lot. >> cuz, you smell that, though? >> jimmy: smells great. >> you want that to get color. do not precook your macaroni. >> jimmy: just on tv. >> just on tv. i hate doing this. i swear on my mother i hate doing this. >> jimmy: i know this is a big
12:28 am
sacrifice for you. so thank you for -- >> no, no, you're welcome. >> jimmy: tell me about your foundation while we're doing this right here. >> oh, cuz. cuz. i'm so honored to do this. it's called the martorano scholarship foundation. >> jimmy: right. >> it's not a handout. it's a hand up. it's about giving average people a shot. we all deserve a shot. we're going to give it a shot. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, all right. >> got your clams? >> jimmy: with the water? >> that's not water. that's clam juice. put it in there. >> jimmy: you're right. okay. >> we don't want to hammer this. we just want to warm it up. >> jimmy: we don't want them to get rubbery. ready to go. >> take the macaroni out. >> jimmy: i got to get my helper over here. he's really good at eating. >> guillermo: yes. [ applause ] >> jimmy: he's from italy. he's full-blooded italian. >> what part of italy are you from? >> napoli. >> i'm sicilian.
12:29 am
that's different. >> jimmy: he's serious. >> i know he's serious. >> jimmy: a spoon or something. >> got your spoon. >> forget about the spoon. get the bread, get the bread! >> jimmy: forget about the spoon. we got a little bit of bread. there we go. this is gluten free, i assume? >> no, not at all. cuz. the biggest mistake, gluten-free. you can't eat macaroni gluten-free. >> jimmy: oh, that's delicious, so garlicky and good. oh, my god. >> take the macaroni out. don't strain it. just put it right in your pan. >> jimmy: i'd like to imagine the stoners at home just dying for this. it's just as good as you imagine it is. >> cuz. this is all you've got to do. that's it, cuz. >> jimmy: and again, cook the pasta in advance, right? >> no! one question. would you put cheese on this? >> jimmy: no way. of course not.
12:30 am
>> do you hear what he said? why wouldn't you put cheese? >> jimmy: because it gives you agita! >> because it's salty. you've got salt from the clams. you've got salt from the macaroni. why would you want to put more salt? what's wrong with you people? >> jimmy: prime italian steakhouse opening later this year in pittsburgh. this is the, this is like the magic part. look at you, guillermo. >> i got you, cuz. >> do you have a box to go? i want to take it home. >> you tell me, jimmy. >> jimmy: all right, i'll tell you, all right. >> and don't lie. >> jimmy: i won't lie. i would never, ever lie to you. >> i can smell that. >> jimmy: it's beautiful. steve martorano, everybody. we'll be right back with b.j. the chicago kid. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by the all new amg gt
12:31 am
four-door coupe. mercedes amg, driving performance.
12:32 am
>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: thanks to julia louis-dreyfus and steve martorano. apologies to matt damon.
12:33 am
"nightline" is next but first, this is his album "11-23." here with the songs, "time today" and "champagne," bj the chicago kid! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ my body all over your body babe ♪ ♪ anything you want i got it right here yeah so bring that body yeah ♪ ♪ i got time, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
12:34 am
♪ lead me to the spot i'll lick every drop i'll be dippin' in your honeypot ♪ ♪ throw away the clock 'cause i got time today-ay yeah ♪ ♪ i got time today-ay yeah i got time today yeah yeah ♪ ♪ so no more champagne til midnight ♪ >> come on, l.a., put your hands together one time. come on. ♪ no more champagne til midnight ♪ >> come on! ♪ no more champagne til midnight who knows what time we'll be arriving ♪ ♪ no champagne til midnight i'm about to miss the party ♪ ♪ no more champagne til midnight
12:35 am
because it got me kissin' all on yo body ♪ ♪ i'm already twisted got me seeing double ♪ ♪ it's bout to get explicit you gone be in trouble ♪ ♪ that champagne got me thinking 'bout canceling plans that i ♪ ♪ made in advance i'd rather be using my hands on ya body ♪ >> hey, come on, l.a. ♪ so no more champagne til midnight no more champagne til midnight ♪ ♪ no more champagne til midnight no more champagne ♪ ♪ hey whatchu gone do club 'bout to close and you got ya dress
12:36 am
on ♪ ♪ so next time baby yeah it's all on you the driver's outside this should be a lesson ♪ ♪ so next time baby our friends keep tellin' us 'bout how we're always late ♪ ♪ and then the reservations can't compare to parts on my plate ♪ ♪ that champagne got me thinking about canceling plans that i made in advance ♪ ♪ i'dher be using my hands on ya body ♪ ♪ no more champagne til midnight no more champagne til midnight ♪ ♪ no more champagne til midnight ♪ when we get through the dark we'll turn the lights on ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
12:37 am
this is "nightline." >> tonight -- scorched earth. caught in an endless wall of smoke and flames. firefighters no match for flames this ferocious and this intense. >> the amazon rainforest on fire, creating some 20% of the world's oxygen, now the lungs of the planet struggling to breathe. on the front lines, the desperate fight to wrestle the inferno. plus -- ♪ so wake me up when it's all over ♪ waking up to the timeless beats by dj powerhouse avicii. the artist's third album released after his death. now music and interviews revealing the demons he battled.


info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on