tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC September 30, 2020 11:35pm-12:38am PDT
watching. am ama daetz. >> i'm dan ashley. for chris alvarez, sandhya pate all ♪ this is an abc color presentation. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's jimmy kimmel live. tonight, julie bowen, lamorne morris, and now, jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: hello. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. welcome again to those of you who joined us earlier tonight in primetime for our first game night special. tonight, from the basketbubble in orlando, game one of the nba finals between the lakers and the heat. it's la versus miami, lip injections vs butt implants. early voting for this series, by mail-in ballot, started monday. hopefully you participated. it's interesting, somehow, ten players fighting over one ball tonight was more organized than last night's two-person debate.
this was a fun combination of politics and basketball. last night after the debate, hassan whiteside, of the portland trail blazers tweeted and then deleted, "i can't do this for four more years. f america bro. i'm moving to hawaii." which very recently, in 1959 became part of america, but. then he claimed he didn't write it, using the time of posting as evidence. he said it was photoshopped fake news. and "it's not even 9:36 where i'm at." and then everyone pointed out how time stamps work. but i do understand the aloha spirit of what he either did or did not tweet. meanwhile, the lakers, because they play in la, have a lot of celebrity supporters. but the heat have their share of famous fans too including one, dj khaled. who was blessed up and fired up when his team beat the celtics sunday night.
>> that's chicken --. they got, it don't matter. it's called ac in the locker room, [ bleep ]. [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: dj khaled loves the heat. i am a lakers fan. he says they the best. i say we the best. and so i thought it would be fun to make a friendly wager. joining us now is the dj known as khaled. how are you? >> kimmel man, nice to see you on this screen, man. everything good with you. >> jimmy: i'm still using cocoa butter, thanks to you, and i think of you every time i put it on. >> why live life when you can live it smooth, know what i mean?
>> jimmy: as we're taping this before game one starts, so we don't know anything yet. what's your prediction. >> i want to say congratulations to the lakers and miami heat. they have rings. they have banners. and this is a special finals. this is very special in so many ways, know what i'm saying? miami heat, that's my team. of course i'm rooting for miami heat, and i'm ready to put whatever we need to put on it. i also want to bring up king james. king james was once a miami heat, know what i'm saying? he's always going to have love, and that's my friend, and shout out to mamba, kobe. i'm happy for the lakers and very happy for miami heat, but of course i'm going miami heat, 305, dade county all the way. and i'm ready to put what have
we got to put on it, let's go! i ain't playin'. i'm a heat. hold on. >> jimmy: i have a bet in mind. >> can you see the logo? miami heat, baby. >> jimmy: i'm starting to think i would like to have that hoodie you're wearing. >> i'm feelin' fly every day. i'm one of the greatest that ever did it, straight up. >> jimmy: well, clearly. >> i'm sorry, utilizing this time, i got the album, i don't know when, but when it comes, just know, and i've got the podcast comin' too. go ahead, kimmel. >> jimmy: if the lakers win the series you have to give me your beloved jet ski. is that the same jet ski you were riding when you got lost at sea in the middle of the night?
>> that was in the beautiful island of turks and caicos. i'm going to give you the ski that actually, the famous ski. >> jimmy: on the off chance that the heat win, i will send you one of my most cherished possessions. this is my 1982 donkey kong arcade game. i was playing at 7-eleven while everyone was at the prom. do you accept this wager, dj khaled? >> are you sagittarius? >> jimmy: no, i'm scorpio. >> that's why we winners, know what i'm saying? all i do is win, my brother. >> jimmy: all right, i will check back with you at the end of the series.
bless up my friend. by the way, i'm going to be really bummed if i lose that donkey kong jr. machine. he the best. [ applause ] oh, the heat's on donald trump after donald trump in cleveland. we had the wee ms. america pageant brought to you by a loud, angry and obnoxious president of the united states. this is how you know it didn't go well for trump. this morning, he complained he was ganged up on by the moderator from fox news. there was an audience of about 80 people last night. which was rare for the president. usually when trump appears before a crowd that small, it's at his inauguration. and this is the world we live in now. depending on which cable news channel you watch, it was either the worst thing you've ever seen on television or a refreshing breath of fresh air from a president who tells it like it is. >> this was the most chaotic presidential debate i've ever seen. >> that was the worst presidential debate i've ever seen.
>> i know people will feign, this was the worst i've ever seen. let them go. >> a night of chaos and interruption. >> that was crazy, what was that? >> who said anything was solved by people sitting around a table pleasantly disagreeing with each other. >> what a dark event we have just witnessed. >> painful to watch. >> this short of debate shouldn't happen in a democracy. >> the president is being the kind of guy who goes into the lion's den. and he comes out with a pelt over his shoulder and tie shat. >> a low point in political discourse. >> can we really have two more of these debates? >> i'd like to see ten of these debates. >> it was a train wreck. >> that was a hot mess. >> an apex predator. >> inside a dumpster fire, inside a train wreck. >> that was a [ bleep ] show. >> jimmy: there were quite a few tv news people who were like, "i've never seen anything like this."
really? because i've been seeing it almost every day for about four years. maybe the most egregious lie trump told was when he said joe biden played more golf than he does. phil mickelson doesn't play more golf than he does. trump attacked biden's family. he refused to commit to accepting the results of the election. when asked about victims of the virus, he bragged about the size of his crowds, but none of those moments were his lowest. this was. when specifically asked to condemn white supremacy, he wouldn't. >> i'm willing to do anything. i want to see peace. >> then do it, sir. >> do it, say it. >> you want to call'em, what do you want to call'em, give me a name. >> white supremacists and proud boys. >> stand back and stand by, but i'll tell you what, somebody's got to do something about antifa and the left. >> jimmy: that's what he's worried about. they asked him to denounce the "proud boys" instead he said something needs to be done about "antifa." even the president's foxy friends had a problem with this.
>> donald trump proved the biggest layup, by not condemning white supremacist, i don't know if he didn't hear it, but he's got to clear it up right away, that's like, are you against evil? why the president didn't knock it out of park, i'm not sure why. >> jimmy: i think i know why! trump by the way, still, hasn't come out against white supremacy. they asked him to do it again, and he just won't. >> will you denounce them? >> i've always denounced any form, any form, any form of any of that. >> jimmy: now the reason he refuses to denounce white supremacists specifically is not what you think. it's just because he isn't the kind of person who feels comfortable saying mean things. you know? you know who refuses to condemn white supremacists? white supremacists. it's hard to say. maybe that's why he won't do it. many trump supporters are said
to be very upset with him. they think he did a bad job last night. but, as badly as things went, he did score a rave review from a very prominent republican. >> we, by every measure we won the debate easily last night. i thought he was very weak. he looked weak. he was whining. yeah, we won the debate by almost every poll that i saw. >> jimmy: that he saw. i wonder who is in charge of picking which polls he sees. you think they give that job to ivanka? trump was so out of bounds last night, the commission on presidential debates, the people who organize these, had to put out a statement, saying they'd make some changes. they wrote that it was clear that more needed to be added to the format. i have an idea. at the next debate, they should give the moderator a garden hose. and she can use it the way you do when you try to stop dogs from having sex.
joe biden spent the day aboard his train, the "build back better express." meanwhile, trump is going full steam trying to build that wall he promised. he wants to get it done before the election. he's like a high school kid who just realized his senior project is due. do we need a border wall? i mean seriously. are we really convinced people are still coming here for a better life? maybe the wall is to keep us in. today is a notable one in television history. today marks the 60th anniversary of "the flintstones." did i watch the flintstones? >> guillermo: yes, jimmy, i did. >> jimmy: what's your favorite character? >> guillermo: what's his name? fred. >> jimmy: fred. do you remember his friend's name? >> guillermo: i don't remember. >> jimmy: on september 30th, 1960, turned out to be of the longest running and most beloved shows of all time premiered, and
to mark this milestone, we took audio from last night's debate and mashed it up with scenes from the cartoon. and his is what happens when fred and barney meet donald and joe. >> people out there need help. >> why didn't you do it over the last 25 years. were you a senator. >> you're the worst president america's ever had. >> why don't you agree to the ground rules. >> radical left -- >> will you shut up, man? >> gentlemen! >> don't ever use the word smart with me. there's nothing smart about you, joe. >> jimmy: we've got a quality show for you tonight. we have music from my morning jacket, lamorne morris is here, and we'll be right back with julie bowen. [cheers and applause] ♪ >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by lexus. live," brought to you by lexus.
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vote yes on prop fifteen. for all of us. ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight, their album is called "the waterfall ii," music from my morning jacket. tomorrow night, from "the walking dead," lauren cohan will be here. travis scott will chat with us and rap for us too. our first guest is a former dunphy and two-time emmy-winner who reunites with adam sandler 24 years after "happy gilmore" in the new movie "hubie halloween." it premieres october 7th on netflix. please welcome julie bowen. hi, julie. >> hi! >> jimmy: how are you? >> i'm good. i'm really glad you covered some of the debate. i've got some thoughts. >> jimmy: oh, good, go ahead. >> well, just what do you think
of this, for the moderator, maybe a little dj khaled. you can air horn every time there's a problem. >> jimmy: it's not a terrible idea. and by the way, is that dr. fauci on your pillow? >> right here? that guy? that's fauci on the couch. >> jimmy: that a product you're marketing? fauch on the couch is great. >> no, someone else is marketing it. i bought several and the socks. big fan. >> jimmy: when you bought several, you bought several for your home or gave some out as gets? >> my son stole one and put a mask on it, because he thought that was hilarious, and i gave one to a friend as a gift, and i'm saving one, maybe it's for you, jimmy. play your cards right. >> jimmy: i hope so. >> you don't think you want the used socks, the fauci socks are
pretty sweet. >> jimmy: they might not fit me. i'll go with the pillow. the last time you were on the show was with your cast mates from modern family. have you spoken to any of the people since that night? >> not one. of course. i've spoken to lots of them. i've gone to visit sarah hyland and the wells, over at their home. i've chatted with a lot of them, but they're happy and successful and doing their own thing. not all of them have as many children as i do. so they don't seem to suffer in quite the same way. >> jimmy: what are you up to? what's going on in your life? >> well, jimmy, i thought you would find me in a different place. i had been saving this story for you for when i moved. i was going to move. my kids are here and they cannot
hear this story and never watch this show. i was supposed to move right before covid. i was going to have escrow on a super cool house where the kids could run around and they could have friends over and i could spy on them and see who was doing bad things. i was just about to go into that and all of a sudden we went into covid, which was really sad, because now i was trapped in this house. it's a beautiful house. very important architectural house. one major problem. i came home one night towards the end, right before we spoke last time, and there was in my bathroom, i was completely alone, a scorpion this big. >> jimmy: oh, wow, a scorpion. >> and it looked like a flesh-colored jumbo shrimp. and it's like, shhhh. and my kids were here. i was thinking, it's fake, it's got to be fake.
so i look at it, and i go hccc, and it goes hccc. this is a dumpster fire. inside a train wreck. >> jimmy: yeah, this is trouble. >> i don't know anything about scorpions. i want to kill it, or no, i don't. i want to save it. i go to the kitchen and get something to put over it, and i'm just about to leave the room to do that and i think, if i come back and the scorpion's gone, i'm going to have to burn the [ bleep ] house down. [ laughter ] >> and then how am i going to explain that to the kids? >> jimmy: that's going to be a tough one. >> so i did not want to hurt this creature of god when he wanted to hurt me, so i took my
boot off and that flesh-colored jumbo shrimp with his articulated arms went like this. i gave myself five minutes to look at him. yes, you don't want them in the house, i now sleep next to my bed, the open toe, nothing can hide in there. >> jimmy: but you don't want an open toe if there's a scorpion around, it will sting the toe. >> have you ever watched any western? the scorpion gets in the toe of the boot and then you put your foot in there, and it goes hccc. >> jimmy: so you think there would be a second scorpion hiding in the shoe as a distraction technique that the other scorpion would use? >> all i know is one giant scorpion was in my bathroom. all i wanted was to move and
suddenly covid, i'm trapped in the temple of scorpion for the time being, but i got a solution, ready? >> jimmy: what is the solution? i'm curious. >> did you adopt like a puppy during covid? everybody adopted puppies during covid-19, right? >> jimmy: no, we did not adopt any. my daughter got like three of them. >> oh, i follow her on instagram. my kids really wanted a puppy, and i was like, ah, you have to take care of a puppy, a lot of stuff involved. and then after my faceoff with the scorpion, one of my sons said, mom, can i get a python? and i said, yes, yes. >> jimmy: you brought a python into the house? >> a ball python. they are very harmless, but i feel like in a pinch, python versus scorpion, pssssh. >> jimmy: you think it's going
to protect you from the scorpion? >> in a pinch. >> jimmy: you remember the lady who swallowed the fly and swallowed a spider to catch the fly? now you've got to get something to kill the python. >> she doesn't free roam. her name is eden rrrrrr for cardi b. she came with the name, she came pre-named because she's supposedly, i really have to look. she's supposed to be an adult and full-grown with a bad heart, so she won't live that long. [ laughter ] but, as we speak my kids are thawing out a rat to feed her tonight. and he is growing every single week, she is growing. i was lied to.
>> jimmy: where did you get frozen rats? is that a costco item? you get a case of them >> gourmet rat.com. >> jimmy: for real? >> that's where i got them. >> jimmy: is that where you got the fauci on the couchy? >> i don't know where i got him. somewhere on the inner webs. i'm a hard core member of the tony fauci fan club. sometimes my instagram feed, they're listening all the time, they're always watching and sometimes they send me things like that. >> jimmy: you know a fun thing, i assume you got that on etsy? >> i don't, i don't think i did get it on etsy. >> jimmy: that would be really cool if somebody made pillow of you and someone sent it to dr. fauci so you'd have that connection. >> ah, do you think? >> jimmy: i'm going to start doing a little stitching during the commercial break. when we come back, more with
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replacing it with one based on public safety. because the size of your wallet shouldn't determine whether or not you're in jail. vote yes on prop 25 to end money bail. everybody was safe and sound on halloween, but tonight, i have failed massively. because a fine young man is abducted under my watch. that's on me. >> no. >> mm. >> how can i help you? >> you just did help me by listening to my story.
>> when i was young, i appreciated you being nice to me. >> of course. >> jimmy: that is julie bowen. there is the product. it's julie on a stoolie. it's going to be for people who have stools in the pillows. >> she's perfect, i love it. i love it. >> jimmy: take us back to the year, what was it, 1996, when you and adam made "happy gilmore" together? >> we did. and he'd only made one movie prior to that, which was "billy madison." that was like a cult hit. i assumed this would be seen by a few stoners, a couple diehard lovers of spoon man or spoon head or opera man, one of his characters on "saturday night live", and i thought to myself,
as they were lacing me into a corset and taking my boobs and pasting this together and giving me two pitchers of beer, i thought, my dad is never going to see this. that's fine. >> jimmy: we have seen that iconic scene from "happy gilmore", and there you are. now did your dad see this? and what did he think if he did? >> jimmy, i haven't seen that scene in 20-odd years. >> jimmy: let's watch it one more time then. >> that was so much fun. >> jimmy: there it is again. >> oh, god! my butt looks good. yes, it's my dad's favorite, one of his all-time favorite movies in general, and definitely by far and away the favorite thing of mine i've ever done.
>> jimmy: is that so? >> it's about bubbles, about guys. so he loves that, so i've wised up. there's no, there are no butt shots in "hubie halloween." >> jimmy: that's not how to sell the movie. are there butt shots? >> there are butt shots but of younger, hotter youtubers. >> jimmy: compare the experiences of shooting that film, now that adam is, adam sandler, i assume it's very different from the first time around. >> it's not that different. still, it's like, basketball shorts, check. there, you know, he's always friendly. and loving to everybody. but now it's more like that crew of kind of like support animals that he has with him, those dudes. >> jimmy: his guys. >> they're all now producers and
have kids and they're all on set now, too. so it's actually kind of nice. i got to say. he used to have, he used to get a lot of female attention, and now that he's with his most lovely wife and lovely children, and he brings them along, and it's like a circus of traveling gypsies. >> jimmy: it's a different type of female attention. >> it is. he's no longer a young, single guy hot off "saturday night live". the father of two, in the movie, married to the most beautiful woman, she's in the movie. his mom was on set. his brother-in-law was on set. i was like, come on, the brother-in-law? everybody was there. >> jimmy: i can relate to that, certainly. julie, it's great to see you. "hubie halloween" premieres october 7th on netflix. and this is our new product. julie on a stoolie. we'll be right back with lamorne morris.
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♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. you know our next guest from seven seasons on "new girl," now he plays a cartoonist named keef in the new comedy, "woke." watch it on hulu now. please welcome lamorne morris. hi, lamorne. >> jimmy: hey, hey. what you got the nba jams going? what's happening there? that was scary. >> you talkin' about this? >> jimmy: yes, there's a man holding a picture. >> oh, no. it's my lebron painting. it's being hung on the wall right now.
>> jimmy: you have a picture of lebron james on your wall. you're from chicago, right? >> that sounds like a problem from you, jimmy. >> jimmy: it's not a problem, but i'm surprised that a guy from chicago would have an lebron painting hanging in his home. >> let me tell you something. you only put the greatest on your wall, and lebron james is the greatest of all time. >> jimmy: that is a huge statement from a guy from chicago. you're going to get run out of chicago. >> i got friends from chicago who come to visit me all the time and say the exact same thing. if you don't like it, you can sleep your ass in the basement, how about that? >> jimmy: i don't have to sleep in the basement, do i? >> no. you can sleep where ever you want of the. >> jimmy: thank you. have you met lebron? how did this happen that you became such a big fan? >> that's a sticky situation. i have met lebron on numerous
occasions. i peel like him and i are connected soul wise. whenever i say hi or whenever i go to like introduce myself and tell him how much of a fan i am, he's us busy, know what i mean? he's always doing other things, so we're like two ships passing in the middle of the night. you're so, you know what i mean, like, miami heat and, like, and he's already out the door. >> jimmy: so you're not so much two ships passing as he is one ship fleeing. >> well, tomato, to-mah-to. >> jimmy: you look sharp, are you wearing a tuxedo? >> i thought i was coming in, and they told me, nah, stay at home. so i was like, i'm not going to let this thing go to waste. >> jimmy: who told you to stay home? >> the powers that be told me to stay your ass at home.
>> jimmy: it's starting to get scary, the guy behind you. with the picture. it looks like a scene from a horror movie. why is lebron wearing a tennis outfit? oh, hey, how are you doing? >> that's kyle. >> jimmy: do you have other basketball stuff? that nba jams game is pretty sweet. >> i do. i have this massive, it's like a statue or art installation in my back yard of the 23, i guess. >> jimmy: of the number 23, can we see it? >> yeah, see, i would walk out there and show you, but during the pandemic my friends' been treating my house like a dog park. apparently their dogs don't p m poop. either they're lying. >> jimmy: wow, that's a permanent part of your back yard? >> it's a permanent part of my back yard. now i can move it around. i can change the colors of it,
make it lakers colors. >> jimmy: did you tell lebron about that, did you tell him you had 23? i assume not the jordan 23. did you tell him you had his number in your yard? >> no, no. the phone number i have for him that i try to call and text must have, he must have changed it. he was in the bubble when i got this any way, know what i mean? >> jimmy: if lebron goes to another team, if he leaves the lakers and goes somewhere else to win another title will you root for the next team then? >> yeah, lakers can kiss my ass by then. i'm not shy about it. i can change colors, too. if he goes to play for the bulls, i can change the 23 to red and black. >> jimmy: what happens, god forbid if lebron retires, will you settle on a team? >> i don't think you heard me at the beginning, we're connected at the soul. if he retires, i'm retiring. i no longer watch basketball, simple as that.
>> jimmy: your new show is an interesting idea. you play a cartoonist. >> i do. >> jimmy: inanimate objects have voices by other people. >> yeah, cedric the entertainer, jb smoove. the list goes on and on. we have a fantastic cast of voices, like you said, absolutely insane. >> jimmy: and are any of those people there with you when you are shooting the show? or is it recorded? >> it's recorded afterwards, but that's kind of a problem, because sometimes we'll have their recording there, and the thing about working with jb smoove for example, he improvises way too much. you would say the line is, hey, i'm a talking marker, deal with it, and he'll go, i'm talking marker, here's the thing, get a
handful of corn nuts and shake them around. you want to pass them out individually, and i'm like, jb, what the [ bleep ]? >> jimmy: you don't need jb to be on the show. that imitation is so good. who else do you do? do you do a lot of voices? what's the best one. >> see if you can guess this one. uh-huh. the lakers are in the bubble right now, is that what you're telling me? the lakers are in a bubble right now? that takes focus and they lose concentration. that's why the lakers are winning the championship this year, i can guarantee that. >> jimmy: that is excellent. >> that is my eddie murphy. >> jimmy: maybe it's not so good then. >> okay, cool, thanks, man.
>> jimmy: you worked with jb on barbershop 3, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and cedric as well. >> cedric, anthony anderson, ice cube, common. >> jimmy: was that a fun set to be on? >> it's one of the funnest projects i've ever been a part of, only because of how you've got all these brilliant comedic minds in the same room going at it. there was one scene where it was cedric the entertainer and jb smoove has one line in response. they start doing back. i'm talking a quarter of a page length. ended up being 15 minutes long because jb starts rambling, talking about pit bull puppies and licking your faces. and dogs peeing on your lap and things like that, which was not in the script. and anthony anderson gets in and have this cacophony of jokes, and me, as a comedic dude, i'm
like, man, i want to be a part of that, let me dive in and add my two cents to the pile. and, as i did it, anthony turns around and goes, uh, no, man, [ bleep ] that ain't your character. and they're calling cut, the director comes out, no, that's not for you, let them play. >> jimmy: i'm feeling, at the end of the interview, i'm feeling a little bad for you. >> thanks, man, that's why i'm drinking. >> jimmy: well, it's great to have you on. if you need a friend, come by, guillermo and i aren't doing anything at all. >> again, i tried. they would not let me in. >> jimmy: "woke" is available on hulu now. we'll be back with music from "my morning jacket." ♪ [ applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes benz, the
we saw the earthquake grace in bold was offering a grant program. i signed up and i was actually selected it leaves the house in tack. you now know that in the next earthquake your house will be standing and we also got a discount on our earthquake insurance. if there is an earthquake. our house has a better chance of surviving in. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes benz, the best or nothing.
>> jimmy: thanks to julie bowen and lamorne morris, apologies to matt damon. nightline is next but first, their album is called "the waterfall 2," here with the song, "feel you," "my morning jacket!" ♪ ♪ are we undercover ♪ ♪ what's left to see ♪ trying to discover how it came to be ♪ ♪ in a past life feeling loved ♪ but now in the present seeing blood ♪ ♪ and all i want to do is feel you ♪ ♪ and all i want to do is feel you ♪ ♪ and all i want to do is feel you ♪
♪ make time to waste time to feel time ♪ ♪ oh, oh, oh, oh, ♪ wash over you ♪ ooh ooh ♪ watching you ♪ watching me ♪ reachin' out ♪ between the worlds ♪ to feel you ♪ yeah ♪ and all i want to do is ♪ feel you ♪ yeah ♪ and all i want to do is ♪ feel you ♪ yeah ♪ and all i want to do is ♪ feel you ♪ oh, oh, oh, yeah
right now, at this defining moment in america. ♪ we gonna be all right >> with so much on the line, from abc news, himy america, yo america, our america. this is "turning point." tonight, mexican-americans, battling racism and discrimination. >> they're bringing drugs. they're bringing crime. they're rapists. >> now fighting back. >> when they talk about lazy mexicans or mexicans are all drug dealers and murders? i'm like, where? i haven't seen that. i'm not, you know. >> calling for justice justice present and the past. can stolen land be reclaimed. tonight, what america owes, here now juju chang.