tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC October 2, 2020 10:00pm-10:31pm PDT
. tonight's guest matthew mcconaughey. and now jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: hello, friends. welcome to nba game night. thank you for joining us, the lakers versus the miami heat. this is what we spent all summer on fire training for. there is no home court advantage for this series and no fans. the players have been quarantined at disney for months. i have an idea how to make this series for exciting. whichever team loses, their state isn't allowed to vote in the presidential election. what do you think? i forgot to mention. we're also pumping crowd noise
into our studio. wow! they are tough. one of the greatest players ever to put on a miami heat uniform is dwyane wade who won three titles with them and who teamed up with my cousin sal back in 2011 when we could still have other people in the room with us for a most valuable prank. we set up a fake autograph session and him a chance to have fan with his biggest fans. how is it going? you been here a while? >> since 8:00. >> what's wrong with you? >> my favorite player right here. >> no. physically what's wrong with you. >> oh. >> what do you mean, what's
wrong with you? >> honestly, he is not going to sign unless you have some kind of condition. and there is nothing wrong with you at all? like you don't have rickets or shin splints? >> i'm his biggest fan. >> here's the deal. he's got a big, big heart, but he's also got a big temper. if you're screwing with him, he's going to know it. hold on a second. here's what we're going to do. you were in a waterskiing accident and you just got out of the hospital. you were waterskiing, blacked out. next thing you know you woke up with a neck brace. all right. we have another kid from the hospital. >> oh, man. >> this one got it bad. >> how are you doing, man? how are you doing? >> good. >> what happened? >> waterskiing, blacked out.
>> when did this happen? >> just recently. >> and you're here today. >> you're my favorite player. >> oh, man. that's g, man. that's g. >> where were you waterskiing? >> also, you have like amnesia? >> yeah. he's got amnesia. >> yeah. >> when you had the waterskiing accident, what was driving the boat? >> um. >> what's going on? you need something? you need help. >> i think he might black out. >> he's blacking out. >> you want me to give him mouth to mouth? what is it. >> lay him on the table. lay him on the table. medic! medic! >> no, no, no. >> it's all right. it's all right. >> just relax. it's okay, buddy.
what is it? what is it? >> you're my favorite player and i wanted to meet you so bad. >> you're my favorite waterskiing accident. >> no, no, no. >> they told me they wouldn't let me meet you if i didn't have an injury. >> who told you this? nobody told you this. >> so you're faking this? >> i'm sorry. i'm sorry, d. >> who told you this? sal, was it you? >> what do you think you have neck braces to give to people? >> don't talk. don't talk. >> okay. i'm sorry. yeah. >> just tell me who gave you the brace and i'll take care of it.
just tell me, and i'll take care of it. >> go ahead. tell him. >> tell me the truth. >> yeah, go ahead. tell him. >> i'll kill you! i'll kill you! i'll kill you! i did not give you that brace. i'll kill you dead, man. don't listen to him! >> sal, sal, sal. >> i didn't give anyone no brace. >> sal, if you are going to do it, grab the neck. he's hurt. >> oh, my god. >> you want to go waterskiing? >> jimmy: wow. and that young man never water skied again. we're going to take a break. we have a great preshow for you
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. >> jimmy: welcome back. welcome to jimmy kimmel live game night. this is part one of a double header. we have a new show later tonight with shaquille o'neal. there are a lot of asaps now. they are saying asap could be the next lil. our guest tonight is writer of an amazing book about his life that comes out october 20th. please say hello to matthew mcconaughey. >> hello. how are you doing, jimmy. >> jimmy: pretty good. i know you are has been tabitat your family. >> we have three generations on
the property. things are going pretty well depending on which news stations we let mom watch. about every two weeks we get together and have a, okay, we have been trying to see the upsides of this quarantine now, everyone, kids included. let's talk about what sucks about this quarantine and i don't care request you cuss about it. >> jimmy: how old are the kids now? >> we got 17 and 12. >> jimmy: and so you say use whatever language you want to use. and that is good? it blows off steam? >> it seems to help so far and they get a buzz out of using those words. >> jimmy: which kids curse? >> 7-year-old. >> jimmy: this book you have written, i read the whole thing. there is so much crazy stuff.
for instance you talk about doing peyote in a cave with a mountain lion. that only gets one sentence. that's how jam packed it is. that's a true story? >> that's a true story. and the line that comes after that says i've also got 78 stitches in my head done by a veterinarian. a lot of people say, wait a minute, is that the second part of the story? no, no. that all ended with a purring kitten. the next one wound up with my nephew running over me. >> jimmy: was the mountain lion going peyote also? >> i don't know. but i will tell you this. we were on the same frequency. >> jimmy: now, matthew, is everything in the book true. i believe everything in the book except for one thing, and that is the story about -- i believe most of the story.
in the middle of the night you get up and steal wood from a near by construction project. each night you get an arm full of lumber and build a tree house that you claim is 13 stories and 100 feet high. >> 13 stories is a fact. i was able to count the stories. the 100 feet at whatever age i was, 8, 9, 10, may have been 85. but it looked like a mile to me. >> jimmy: 85 is crazy! >> it was taller than i ever tree house i have ever built. i would cut these holes out in the trunk where i would have this little ladder where i could get to the top. and that 13th story i was above every pine tree in the entire forest. >> jimmy: and your parents never wondered where all this wood was coming from? >> no. they never saw it. that's why i had to sneak out
for 95 days during the summer. i would wait until dad went to bed, steal this lumber and go work on it. the next day when my dad went to work, i would go out and work on the tree house. >> jimmy: i get the sense your dad wouldn't have minded. but your dad and mom, real character. really unbelievable. your dad and mom were married three times to each other. they were divorced twice. once you didn't know they were divorced. >> it was actually that summer. i thought my mom was having an extended vacation down in florida. >> jimmy: you talk about your dad, frequently questioning whether or not you were his actual son. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and i saw this picture of your parents' wedding. and you could be a twin. i mean, you guys look exactly alike. >> yeah. >> jimmy: was there really a question or was that just a
joke? >> i don't think so. it was more of a running joke. but you have to understand my oldest brother. he's 16 years older than me. my middle brother pat. they tried to have another child for another six years and nothing stuck. so thall of a sudden mom has a belly growing. she thinks it's a tumor because they had been trying to no avail. so that was the running joke. >> jimmy: it's a movie star is really what it was. you zipped passed the birthday present thing. the birthday present is fantastic as well. your brother was ten, rooster. he wanted a little brother, so your parents went and adopted one. >> that's it. picked up my brother pat from dallas methodist, brought him
home. >> jimmy: pat did meet his natural parents at one point? >> yeah, he did. my parents asked him every year, do you want to meet your natural birth parents? please let us know. he always said no until he was 18. and then he says, i'd love tochto. they drive to dallas, get the address. take him to the curb of his natural birth parents house. go on in, pat. we'll wait out here in the car. pat goes in and two minutes pat is out and gets in the back of the car and says, i'm ready. what happened? he goes, yeah, i just wanted to check out my dad's hairline because i'm starting to lose my hair. i wanted to know if i'm going to go bald. >> jimmy: matthew mcconaughey's book is "green light." more with matthew when we return. (driver vo) when i started this commute, everyone said i was crazy.
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mcconaughey. you will be doing a virtual book tour, right? >> yep. going on tour very soon. i think the first show is going to come out -- conversation is going to come out on the 19th. had a bunch of people i shared the book with. they agreed to have a conversation with me about it. john grisham, >> jimmy: that's a solid group right there. i want to mention little mr. texas. your mom entered you in -- was this a pageant? >> in texas every year we're going to find little mr. texas. it is a pageant. you walk out on a horse. you answer some questions. you show your wardrobe. >> jimmy: put up a picture there. this is something she was very
proud of. she even referred to you as mr. texas for much of your young life. >> every single morning after this little mr. texas pageant that i won, i would come to breakfast. to get the day started, mom would point to that picture and go, little mr. texas right there. this is great. every single morning for 18 years. well, that was in 1977. in 2020, about one year ago, i came across that picture. i was like, look at me, little mr. texas. well, i zoomed in on the little plate on the trophy. if you have a look at it, it does not say little mr. texas. it says runner-up. i wonder if i'd be sitting here talking to you right now. if i would have had the life i had if i knew i was runner-up.e.
>> jimmy: that is unbelievably good. so, matthew, you have done something for us. i requested this actually. i asked you because things aren't so great right now. >> right. >> jimmy: and anybody that saw "we are marshall" knows that no one gives a better pep talk than you do. give us a pep talk. inspire us, please. >> all right. here we go. hey, america. 2020 has been one for the books, on that we can all agree. when i say it's time to turn the page and clear our eyes so we can better see. time to anchor ourselves to our better natures. time to respect ourselves and each other. time to remember our values. time to listen to our mother. no doubt about it, america, we are under construction. all trying to move forward without further deduction. going through growing pains trying to function. let's meet in the middle. hard work and sackry fiets, we got to earn our way to where we
need to go. nobody is going to do it for us. this we got to know. there is no fancy alga rhythm that holds a secret key. it starts in the mirror. it starts with you and me. time to reveal, revive and testify. the truth is actual. that ain't in lie. got to play better at this game of life. start building bridges instead of dead ends. love our neighbor like ourselves, make amends. expect more of ourselves and from each other so we can have faith again in myself, yourself and in one another. we got to start blessing up instead of bowing down all that funny money wearing the crooked crown. we have to create opportunities for the eye and the week. build trust again instead of suspici suspicion. refill our gas tanks so we can crank the ignition. time to come together, wear a mask and vote so we can write our song note by note. get in the zone, find our
frequency again. get on a highway where we all can win. i'm pretty damn sure you know what i mean. what do you say, america? let's turn this red light green. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i love it. you have done it. get this book. you can preorder it now. it's called "green light." thank you very much, matthew. it is great to see you. >> you, too. >> jimmy: we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ ♪ only lexus asks questions like these, because we believe the most amazing machines
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if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. it's what you do. let's go to the cemetery! >> jimmy: welcome back to jimmy kimmel live game night. you know, there are a lot of great basketball movies, but only one great basketball movie that i know of that stars a dog. in 1997, the chicago bulls were
nb ark champions and "air bud" dominating the box office. it was the tale of a golden retriever based on a true story. while there have been many sequels, one question that has never been answered is what happened to the team that that game. here now is a first look at my upcoming feature film. >> 23 years ago, a legend was born. but now hear the untold story of the team that lost the game. >> okay, guys. we're a team. we win together. we lose together.
today we lost. we're a dog. we lost. we lost to a d-o-g! he's two feet tall. he has no thumbs. you lost to a creature that dribbles with his nose. did i tell you to dribble with your nose? i did not. no one touches a basketball ever again! >> coach? >> what? >> do we still get the oranging slices? >> did you want an orange slice? oh, here you go. there is your orange slices. >> why didn't you just tell the ref to get rid of the dog? >> why didn't i tell the ref to get rid of the dog? because there ain't no rules that say i dog can't play basketball. that's why. you're fired. you're all fired. i'm terminating your contracts. >> but we don't have contracts.
not anymore you don't. get out! go! and be ashamed. >> do we still get our participation trophies? >> your what? your participation trophies? no, get out of here. all right, team. now sit down and listen up. to be honest with you, it does not smell good in here. all right. who is going to be in the middle? you are going to feed the ball to the llama. some tragic news out of washington, a middle school basketball coach was killed and eaten by his own team on the court after the game. cat, pig, turtle and duck have been apprehended. a llama is still at large. >> jimmy: i smell an oscar. we are out of time. thanks to matthew mcconaughey.
apologies to matt damen. i'll te you then. new developments tonight. president trump is at walter reed medical center after testing positive for covid-19. the white house says he has mild symptoms and is expected to stay there over the next few days. trump's doctor put out a new statement tonight, saying the president is now being treated with the experimental drug remdesivir. the doctor adds trump is not requiring supplemental oxygen. more developments from white house counselor kellyanne conway and tom tillis have both tested positive for the virus. they both have hadon
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