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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  February 9, 2022 11:35pm-12:37am PST

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we will see you tomorrow. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, julie bowen, from "the white lotus," murray bartlett, and music from pj morton. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everybody. thank you. very nice. hey, cleto. hi. thanks a lot. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. oh, you know what that is, i can feel it. it's love that's in the air. love is in the air. do you feel that love, guillermo? > guillermo: i do, jimmy, it's a lot of love. >> jimmy: it's so much love,
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you're about to do what? >> guillermo: i'm about to explo explode. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you have a plan for valentine's day? are you ready? >> guillermo: no plans yet. >> jimmy: better make a plan. >> guillermo: maybe tonight or tomorrow. >> jimmy: we're so focused on the super bowl, i fear many will forget we're a week away from the valentine's day, or the day every kardashian's boyfriend has to spend $40,000 on rose petals. [ laughter ] this is the first time ever that valentine's is the day after the super bowl. they should have pushed it a week this year to give us time to sober up. [ laughter ] if you're single on valentine's day, did you know that there are apps that people use to have sex now? it's true. they call them dating apps. [ laughter ] not only are there the ones you've heard of, tinder and bumble and all that, there are so many ways to meet people who are right up your alley. these are all real apps. no jokes here. "hud," for casual hook-ups. "cougar," for older women dating younger men. "woo plus," for plus-sized people. also known as "kitchen mingle." [ laughter ]
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there's "christian mingle," for christians. "jdate," for jews. "mutual," for mormons. "salams," for muslims. "agnostic," for non-believers. "kinklife," for bondage enthusiasts. "3fun," for threesomes. "millionaire match," for i guess ugly millionaires. [ laughter ] "farmersd," if you want to date a farmer. "dw," for dating widows. "420 singles," for stoners. there's "grazer," for vegans. "howlr," for furries. [ laughter ] and "inmates," to date a prisoner. which is a really good idea. i think we'll get to the point there's an app called "mike richardson," and it's just one guy named mike richardson. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i don't know about you, but i tell you something -- i miss the old ways of dating. you'd tell will smith you wanted a boyfriend, and then he'd hook you up with kevin james. [ laughter ] it was as simple as that. when there are more dating apps than apps on the menu at the cheesecake factory, we've failed as a society. [ laughter ] guillermo had a big night tonight.
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do you know what happened tonight? did you see? >> guillermo: no, i haven't seen. >> jimmy: you were on a very big show tonight. >> guillermo: oh, yeah? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. guillermo was on "jeopardy!" earlier tonight. [ cheers and applause ] the game show. >> guillermo: oh, yeah! oh, yeah! >> jimmy: they do the college championship every year. one of the categories was "historic mean tweets." and you'll never guess who they invited to read it. >> historic mean tweets $200. >> here's guillermo. >> guillermo: no polian, nice work invading this giant country on june 24, 1812, you moron. #winteriscoming. >> what is russia? >> that's it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: great delivery. maybe they'll let you host someday ghnch someday. >> guillermo: yeah, perfect. >> jimmy: you'd be a great host. say, this is "jeopardy!" >> guillermo: this is "jeopardy!." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're a natural. the republican party is having a bit of an internal squabble right now. the party is divided over whether the violent insurrection
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of january 6th was a violent insurrection or just a lively sightseeing tour of the capitol. [ laughter ] the republican national committee, the rnc, has been trying to downplay the attack. they released a statement describing it as, "ordinary citizens engaged in legitimate political discourse." just a group of ordinary citizens wearing bearskin and horns. [ laughter ] smearing feces on the walls of the capitol. just ordinary citizens. so senate minority leader mitch mcconnell poked his head out from under his shell to counter that statement. [ laughter ] offering this very matter of fact assessment of what it was. >> it was a violent insurrection for the purpose of trying to prevent a peaceful transfer of power after a legitimately certified election. fr from one administration to the next. that's what it was. >> jimmy: welcome to the resistance, emperor palpatine. [ laughter ] just to show you how far down the crazy hole we've gone, we are now applauding republicans
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who are willing to admit that what happened, happened. [ laughter ] there's not just crazy, there's some dumb going too. exhibit "a" tonight is house member marjorie taylor greene. klan mom was busy defending the storm trumpers on oan, and while she was at it, took time to make a rather outlandish claim about nancy pelosi. >> so everything is completely out of control. not only do we have the d.c. jail, which is the d.c. gulag, now we have nancy pelosi's gazpacho police. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's right. if you've got cold soup, you better watch it because nancy pelosi's coming for it! [ laughter ] these must be the soup nazis seinfeld warned us about. [ laughter ] if the gazpacho police get hold of you, they'll throw you right in the goulash! [ laughter ] so be very careful. there are a lot of characters on this team trump. many of them are still trying to undo the election. trump's new spokesmonster is a woman named liz harrington, who told steve bannon we're gonna be hearing about this for a long time. >> the maybe point right now is
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this is not going away and it's never going to go away until we get the correct result and fix our elections. and it's just that simple. >> jimmy: yeah. that's what the lady at the supercuts told you when she cut those bangs. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i think what she's trying to say is, in the year 2030 when donald trump is 83, he's still going to be screaming about this. he's "don quixote" fighting windmills. which is something he's also done. meanwhile, the biden administration spent the day shooting down the new imaginary menace that conservatives are frothing about. the white house had to debunk a widely circulated story from a right-wing website that said the u.s. department of health and human services is giving free pipes to crackheads. they are not doing that. but that hasn't stopped people like senator roger marshall of kansas from sounding the alarm. >> i got two words for america today. crack pipes.
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>> jimmy: well, it's true, that was two words. [ laughter ] >> like my dad the police officer said, crime and drug abuse go hand in hand. it's like peanut butter and jelly. the more drug crimes you have, the more crime we're going to have as well. >> jimmy: well, then. we are going to have to work together to get these sandwiches off the streets! [ laughter ] you remember gumby? little green guy who looks like the hulk had a skin tag removed? [ laughter ] there he is with his pal pokey. well, after years of being owned by the clokey family, the fox corporation has acquired the rights to his gumbiness. and fox being fox, they have big plans for the little green guy. >> hey, gumby, what's up? >> joe biden's giving out free crack pipes to black people. >> uh, i don't think that's true, gumby. >> hold on a second. is the real drug crisis in this country really the crackheads don't have enough crack pipes? >> wow, gumby, you're in a [ bleep ]. >> ha ha ha!
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, you know, he is like 80 years old or something. speaking of drugs, you know, we do the show here on hollywood boulevard where almost everyone is on drugs. and with that said, it's time to play america's favorite thc-themed game show, it's time to play "who's high?" [ cheers and applause ] this is such a simple game. where's my cousin sal? here's cousin sal, how are you? >> sal: i have to apologize. we went up and down the boulevard, everyone is high on marijuana. [ laughter ] they're going to play "who is on meth?" >> jimmy: what we're going to try to determine, is which of - the three people that we're looking at right now is high. one is high, and two are not. right? >> sal: that's right. >> jimmy: okay. it's my job to figure out who is. and let's start by meeting these folks. here we go. start with ryan. ryan is your name? >> it is. >> jimmy: ryan, where are you from? >> i am originally from san diego, and i currently live in
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west hollywood. >> jimmy: okay. very good. and i see you're battling a little puberty right now. [ laughter ] >> it's about time. >> jimmy: what do you do for work, ryan? >> i'm a freelancer, i also work in hotels. >> jimmy: you're a freelancer, you work in hotels. okay, that could mean weed dealer for sure. freelancer works in hotels. let's meet the young woman standing to your left there. and her name is tammy. >> how are you today? >> jimmy: i'm good, tammy. we've got a cartoon voice-over crew here tonight. [ laughter ] what do you do? >> i'm a waitress and i work in a kosher store. >> jimmy: and where do you work? >> mr. kosher and denny's. >> jimmy: mr. kosher and denny's? >> yes, you have to live in l.a., it's expensive. >> jimmy: i know, that's interesting. quite a range of restaurants you got going there. >> restaurant to grocery store. >> jimmy: restaurant and grocery store, okay. so you're not accidentally bringing a grand slam to a rabbi's table or something? [ laughter ] >> absolutely not, it's not kosher. >> jimmy: yes, that's right.
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is it kosher to work in both of those places? >> i wash before, i make sure i'm kosher to go to work. >> jimmy: you get the bacon out of your hair? >> yes, then i put my mouth to speak the right language. >> jimmy: okay, very good. finally, we have rubin. hello. >> how are you doing, jimmy? >> jimmy: doing well, how are you doing? >> pretty good, pretty good. >> jimmy: what do you do? >> full-time student. >> jimmy: what do you study? >> business. >> jimmy: right away, ruben seems like he'd be -- off the cuff i'd go with ruben, maybe because he's wearing green, i don't know. let's get real close, let's get a look at their eyes. that's helpful for sure. start with ryan there. okay. [ laughter ] ryan? ryan is definitely hiding something. [ laughter ] all right, now let's see tammy. tammy? tammy? oh, tammy's got two jobs, i don't think she has time to be messing around with weed. finally, ruben.
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let's take a look at ruben. [ laughter ] oh, yeah. i mean, come on. okay, i don't need -- ruben doesn't even -- all he has is pupils. [ laughter ] ruben, i am going to say that you are high. are you? >> i'm not. >> jimmy: you're not? okay. oh, wow. let's take another look. maybe you can answer some questions here. ryan, what did you have for lunch? >> i did not have lunch. >> jimmy: oh. all right. well, i'm going to say tammy is -- tammy, are you high? >> yes, i am. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, wow, tammy! >> i need it, i work a lot. >> jimmy: all right. do we have prizes here? >> sal: sure do, i have a frisbee for everyone, pick what color. >> jimmy: you have what? >> sal: frisbees. >> jimmy: enjoy, guys. run out and play. thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] all right. it could ave been better. let's bring in another group.
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give this another try here. >> sal: good luck with this. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. this looks like the cast of a show. [ laughter ] all right. let's start, let's meet contestant number 1, jonathan. hi, jonathan. >> oh, hi. hi. >> jimmy: all right, jon's off to a big start. [ laughter ] jon, yes, look at the camera. i see you're wearing glasses. which may be to disguise your eyes. jon, may i ask you, which direction is the ocean? >> that way. >> jimmy: okay, that's wrong. [ laughter ] all right. >> sal: you didn't say which ocean. >> jimmy: you're right, sal. [ laughter ] all right, and let's meet our next contestant who is justin. hello, justin. >> what's up, what's up? >> jimmy: tell us a little bit about yourself, justin. >> i'm from texas. i do personal protection and private security. been living in l.a. like nine years now. >> jimmy: nine years. do you do security for any
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famous people? >> not right now. i'm still freelancing with it. >> jimmy: okay, all right. all right. and finally we have monica. hi, monica. >> hey, jimmy, how high are you? i mean, how are you? >> jimmy: i'm good. [ laughter ] monica, this seems like for sure monica would be the one. i mean, if you're not high, it's only by accident, right, monica? [ laughter ] >> i mean, you know. >> jimmy: huh, monica, what do you do for a living? >> i'm an artist and i work at renaissance fairs. >> jimmy: oh my god. [ laughter ] i know they try to trick me, this seems like it's too obvious. lou what do you think? >> lou: monica's outfit looks like it's made of marijuana. [ laughter ] >> lou: but they do try and trick you. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. it seems so obvious that it would be monica. then again, jon doesn't know which way -- let's talk to jonathan again for one more minute. jonathan what do you do? >> i'm a massage therapist.
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>> jimmy: okay, a massage therapist. how long have you been doing that? >> for around nine years now. >> jimmy: nine years. you love it? you really get in there? >> i'm really good at it, yeah. i like it. >> jimmy: you like it, okay, all right. >> sal: i can't see but jonathan's got mushrooms all over his shirt, patterns of mushrooms. i don't want to sway you either way. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: interesting. do you eat mushrooms, jonathan? >> yeah, some kinds. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: now we got justin right there in the middle. it could also be him. i mean what are we going to do? i think we're going to go with -- we got to go to monica. monica, i say you're high. are you high? >> i'm sorry, jimmy, it's not me. >> jimmy: it's not you! well, then. i've got to go with jonathan. jonathan, are you high? >> yes, i am. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you are, yes. justin, you're not. all right. >> sal: we have jars of nutella. >> jimmy: all right, all right. let's take a break, maybe julie bowen wants to play a round of
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this. >> sal: good idea. >> jimmy: we have a good show for youlotus," he's very funny. music from pj martin. we'll be back with julie bowen!
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the kfc chicken sandwich is only served one way: straight from the fryer, piping hot, and kentucky fried to order. if you don't like it this way, you'll have to go somewhere else. kfc. it's finger lickin' good.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪,er tonight, from "the white lotus" on hbo max, a very funny actor, murray bartlett is with us. [ cheers and applause ] then later, he is a three-time grammy winner from new orleans. his song "please don't walk away" is out now. pj morton on the mercedes-benz stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, oh, we'll have fun. our guests are former governor arnold schwarzenegger. from "jackass forever," rachel wolf son will be here.
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our first guest is, by anyone's definition, a lot of fun. she spent 11 seasons as mother of all dunphys on "modern family." now she has a podcast called "quitters." it launches on valentine's day. please say hello to julie bowen. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how is it going? >> oh. >> jimmy: you look fantastic, first of all. are you having trouble walking? it seemed like you were a little wobbly. >> dude, check it. [ laughter ] it's unreal. i mean, i love a great woman who drops off clothes and takes them away at midnight so i don't have to choose what i wear, but this is silly, come on. >> jimmy: did you happen to see what was going on outside on hollywood boulevard? >> oh, yeah. and i was voting for made marian too. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes. >> she absolutely was rolled in hemp and was smoking her own --
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she was lying. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think sal doesn't want me to win so he tricks me. let's go out and play a round. >> i already have a favorite. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: cousin sal, tell julie who we have out there. >> sal: yes, we don't want you to win. kia, bill, and shev. >> jimmy: hi, kia. >> it's not key yeah i'm telling you right now. go on, ask your questions. >> jimmy: yes, no, you go ahead, this is yours. >> kia, have you ever been confused about how to spell the word "road" as in the thing you're standing on, street? >> no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: see? stoners always go, ro-ad? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is something you've experienced before? is this rocky road related? >> ro-ad? >> jimmy: so you're saying no? as far as kia goes. now we have bill. hi, bill. >> hello. >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> i'm doing okay, how are you? >> jimmy: where are you from, bill?
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>> i am from orlando area, florida. >> jimmy: okay. >> what food are you thinking of right now, bill? >> pizza, actually. >> pizza, okay. >> jimmy: it's a good question. >> thank you. >> jimmy: we got a look at bill. now let's have a look at shev. hi, shev. >> hi. >> jimmy: how are you? >> good. >> jimmy: good. where are you from. >> shev? >> i'm from ithaca, new york. >> what are you doing out here, shev? >> i'm a freelance writer. >> are you a comedy writer? >> yeah. >> are you just trying to get a spot on the jimmy kimmel show? >> uh -- no. [ laughter ] >> she's not high, she's job graveling. >> jimmy: interesting. >> she's a job graveling. >> sal: she's also 9 years old. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, what do you think? >> i go with bill. >> jimmy: you're going to say bill? >> kia looks like she keeps her business tight. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you never know, though. >> i know, i know. >> jimmy: there are stereotypes. >> that's true. bill is thinking about pizza. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> i was going with bill. >> jimmy: okay, bill, are you
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high? >> yes, jimmy, i am. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well done. >> suck it, bill! >> jimmy: it's oddly satisfying. >> it's so satisfying, and we win nothing. >> jimmy: you have three boys, right? >> they're always high. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so this is a good way to -- a good warning to them, you're they're not going to get away with anything. >> the nose knows. >> jimmy: what do they win? oh, that's nice, bubble wrap for everybody. >> thank you. >> jimmy: there you go, all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the last time you were here, you were sitting behind the desk. you filled in for me, thank you, over the summer. >> yes. >> jimmy: did you have fun? >> no. >> jimmy: you did a great job. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you did not have fun? >> it was horrible. i do not know how you do this every day, i will never make fun of you again. >> jimmy: oh, good, thank you. >> this is a very taxing job. and i thought i would be happy to be back in this seat, but turns out i'm scared poopless. >> jimmy: didn't seem like you
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were nervous at all when you hosted the show. >> are you kidding me? i was absolutely terrifying, i lost eight year of my life [ laughter ] >> jimmy: who were the guests? >> i'm sorry. minnie driver and jacob lori. >> jimmy: from the kissing booth? "euphoria" or whatever? >> "euphoria." [ cheers and applause ] jimmy, it was his first appearance on a talk show. he had no idea that i wasn't supposed to make mooney eyes on him and then come over and kiss him during the show. >> jimmy: you did kiss him, right. >> right. guess what happened? >> jimmy: what? >> i'm not saying it was causal. it's a fancy word. i'm not saying it was causal. but the next week, he and kaia gerber? whoop! that's not a sex thing. the hot model. they were dating. she's age appropriate. >> jimmy: you broke them up? >> i'm not saying that i did. i'm just saying there were some -- there were some mean,
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horny moms coming after me. >> jimmy: you're the pete davidson of the show, i guess, in a way. [ laughter ] splitting up celebrities. >> well -- okay. i don't like the pete davidson comparison. >> jimmy: you don't? >> pete is great. it just -- >> jimmy: are you dating pete davidson? >> oh, god, no. pla hi o range that guy. >> he rail does. i don't date. i really don't date. >> jimmy: you don't date anyone? you know, there's an app you might be interested in. [ cheers and applause ] >> i saw those apps. i'm surprised. what is an app for, i got a dog, i'm done? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, yeah, well -- i don't know. i guess that's like -- probably "ok cupid." >> you know what it really is? probably one that sells sex toys. [ laughter ] you got your dog? how about this? it's very quiet. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so your dating app is amazon? >> my dating app is, comes in a brown paper bag and leave it at the front door. >> jimmy: you are now actually -- i'm going to take a break, then i want to talk about
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this pod cast you're doing. >> yeah, i'm doing a podcast. >> jimmy: "quitters." there's a very interesting hook here. julie bowen is the host, so it's interesting. [ cheers and applause ] be right back with julie bowen, stick around! >> lou: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by zaxby's. the people who put the wing in guyononbuffalowing. ♪ ( unstoppable by sia ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i put my armor on, show you how strong i am ♪ ♪ i put my armor on, ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there. we are back with the wonderful julie bowen, now host of a podcast called "quitters." you have a cohost on the
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podcast? >> i do. >> jimmy: his name is chad? >> chad sandsanders. he is the smart to my dumb. he is an author -- an real published author, not just an internet author, doesn't write just lady porn or something. >> jimmy: he doesn't, but he could if he wanted to? >> he could. he's been published in the new york times. very bright guy who came up with this idea how quitting something that you feel is incredibly -- sort of part of your identity, or something that you think is very important to you, can actually help you grow and move forward. >> jimmy: and he approached you about doing this? >> yeah, who figures? >> jimmy: dwhy would he approac you about quitting something when you were on a show for 11 years? >> well, i think -- i read his book. i heard him on a podcast. >> jimmy: i see. >> so i got in touch with him because i was fangirling out. he's very good looking, by the way, i'm not going to lie. he is a handsome gent. and i wanted to meet him via
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zoom. we got to talking, couldn't stop talking. i couldn't stop talking. who's surprised? no one. and chad said he had this idea. and i was like, yeah, i'd do that. i'd do that. we didn't just want to interview seb rights like, tell us a funny story. hearing everyone's life story i t sameodca ove d over. >> even though sometimes it's fun and i like listening to those. but i wanted to get good stories about people getting meaty, what are the things they walked away from? >> jimmy: i was on your podcast, i had a very good time, but i don't remember any of the things i told you. [ laughter ] i don't remember what i quit. i don't know, i'm a guy -- i'm more of a fire-ee than a quitter. [ laughter ] >> we basically tried to force you to say that you were going to quit "jimmy kimmel," the show. >> jimmy: the show? oh. >> we wanted to break that story. we basically tried to trap you. >> jimmy: i see. >> you didn't fall in any of our traps. you did say there would be a time what it would be like, and you considered it. >> jimmy: right, yeah, sure. i consider it every single day. [ laughter ]
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>> not today, jimmy! not today. >> jimmy: guess what, it never happens, it just keeps going and going and going. >> i know. >> jimmy: what is your thing? do you have a moment like that? >> i have so many quits, you have to listen. i've had a bunch of quits. we actually recorded one that was too juicy. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yep. we had to put it back in the can. they were like, later. we'll let that one come out later. >> jimmy: send that one to me. [ laughter ] >> people are ready for claire dunphy's dark side. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think we're totally ready for it. >> i don't know. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yes. >> the '90s were fun. that's all i'm going to say. >> jimmy: where do you -- where are you hosting this podcast from? >> oh, like am i in a closet? no, i bought meghan trainor's old house. and it -- she had a big, huge recording studio there that i'm knocking down. before we knock it down, we're recording there. >> jimmy: oh, you're knocking it -- why are you knocking it
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down? you have a use for it. >> for a podcast? i could do that under your desk. >> jimmy: i see. >> i never -- i did not say that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: does meghan know you're knock herring recording studio -- >> yes, she wa one of our guests. >> jimmy: oh, she was? >> hang on. meghan trainor. ryan trainer. kaylin allen. ty burrell. jesse tyler ferguson. mayim bialik. you. lots of people. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: did you ever do that in school? did you every the answers to a test -- >> no, i was such a goody-goody. i knew there was no way i was going to remember that tonight. no effing way. >> jimmy: i could have written on it a card for you. >> yeah, but -- i mean, now i'm always going to remember. oh, ash. ash. i met her here. she was the musical guest when i was hosting. >> jimmy: oh. >> she's got a great episode. wait till you hear what she -- oh, oh. >> jimmy: ash is up to no good? >> ash is awful in the best way.
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>> jimmy: i want to mention your movie. because this movie's getting fantastic reviews. it's called "the fallout." it's you, shailene woodley, mattie ziegler, who is the kid from -- >> she's amazing. really the star of the show is jenna. she's incredible. i'm in it for 4, 5 seconds. >> jimmy: is that true? >> yeah, but i don't care. because it's like, not since the "modern family" pilot have i been able to be like, ha! i'm so proud of it, it's really great. >> jimmy: you knew that "modern family" was going to be a big hit after you made that pilot? >> oh, hell yeah. i was like, oh yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i did too. i did too. obvious. >> we knew we were you on to something. in the movie was paid for $2 in northridge when it was 115 degrees. and so it didn't feel like that at all. it felt miserable. but when i saw it i was like,
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this is good. it's good. >> jimmy: is chad in it? >> no. chad is not in it. [ laughter ] chad is not in it. he's not an actor as of yet. we haven't turned him to the dark side. >> jimmy: okay, all right. >> he's still a nice guy. and a thinker. we haven't taught him to speak in sound bites and, shut and up smile. >> jimmy: he'll get there. >> i know, how do i do that? >> jimmy: chad will find that himself. he will have to have that realization himself. it will come to chad. >> and no one cares. >> jimmy: i just like saying chad. [ laughter ] the podcast with chad is "quitters." it launches valentine's day. the movie is "the fallout." >> it is on hbo max now. it is heavy. we showed clip is when i was promoting it and people were laughing and i was like, oh. >> jimmy: should they not watch it? >> no, definitely, definitely watch it. maybe don't get high first. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, all right. watch it sober. [ cheers and applause ] julie bowen, everybody! thank you, julie.
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>> jimmy: welcome back. murray bartlett and pj morton are on the way. but first, i have something very important to tell you. something that could potentially save your life so i want you to listen -- ♪ who's playing music? ♪ here comes guillermo ♪ ♪
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♪ >> jimmy: no, no, no, hold on a second. what are you doing? what is this? >> guillermo: this is my new character, guillermo on a yee-ro. >> jimmy: guillermo on a yee-ro? >> guillermo: that's what i said. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: stop it. it seems a lot like that video zaxby's just released, "guy on a buffalo wing." >> guillermo: what's that? >> jimmy: it's their take on that old viral video, "guy on a buffalo." >> guillermo: your words confuse me, bro. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: maybe this will help jog your memory. ♪ ♪ smelled a smell thinking where'd that smell coming from ♪ >> jimmy: you see? >> wow, that looks similar. [ laughter ]
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you're saying i should sue the guy? >> jimmy: no, i'm saying he should sue you. >> guillermo: oh. well. then it is time to go. hi-ho, yee-ro away! [ cheers and applause ] >> lou: to watch the full buffalo wing riding video, go to, or zaxby's socials, and join in on the conversations. you are an electric vehicle. electricity powers your heart. want to feel your heart beat faster? ♪ (heart beat music) ♪ drive an electric car. made by a company whose evs have gone five billion miles... for every highway... every driveway... ...and every speedway. and where the loudest sound... the beat of your electric heart. this is the new nissan. ♪ ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there. music from pj morton is on the way. our next guest is a tremendous actor from australia, you know as gatekeeper to the wildly enticing pineapple suite on "the white lotus." ♪ ♪ >> boss -- >> what? >> i'm sorry, mr. patton from the palm suite wants to talk to you. >> are you [ bleep ] kidding me? >> what?
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>> he thinks we ruined his honeymoon. [ bleep ] him. i will ruin his honeymoon! >> well, he's eating by the pool, so. >> i like your hair up like that. looks cute. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "the white lotus" is on hbo max. please welcome murray bartlett! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i'm tickled to just meet you because you're so funny on the show. >> oh, thank you. >> jimmy: and i now -- i really feel like you captured that enthusiastic but secretly demonic hotel manager so well. i'll never trust the manager of a hotel again. >> i feel like if you've ever worked in hospitality, that's the kind of feeling that you're very familiar with. do you know what i mean? >> jimmy: yeah, i mean, it was definitely -- there was a familiarity to it. but also just a madness to it. >> right. >> jimmy: you've been nominated for a whole bunch of awards for this. [ cheers and applause ]
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you got a s.a.g. and a critic's choice and all of these things. and well deserved. >> thank you. >> jimmy: did you know the full plot, the arc, the story arc of your character going into this? >> i didn't. i auditioned. i was a take in the middle of the pandemic. i had the first script. i booked the job, and then i was speaking to mike white, who created, wrote, directed the show, he's a genius. quick chat. he's like, you read all the scripts, right? and i said no. and i got this sort of tone of voice from him like, oh, god, i hope he wants to do this after he's read all the scripts. [ laughter ] i read them on the plane on the way to hawaii. >> jimmy: you were already on the way there. it was during lockdown. >> it was too late. >> jimmy: the hotels were shut down. there was a scene where -- mike white happens to be a friend of mine. >> ah. >> jimmy: what's interesting, i started watching the show right away. then i feel like it took three months for everybody to all of a
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sudden start watching it. but there's one scene that is so crazy involving your character. >> i think i know the scene you might be talking about. >> jimmy: of course. you must hear about it all the time. >> yeah. >> jimmy: is it okay if we say what it is? >> yeah, totally. >> jimmy: yeah. so it's -- in an act of vengeance, you go number two into someone's luggage. [ laughter ] >> i do, yeah. >> jimmy: and it is totally deserved, by the way. totally deserved. >> it is totally deserved. and it's -- yeah, it's not the thing you expect to see on tv. and it's certainly not the thing that you expect to watch yourself do on tv. [ laughter ] it's quite a confronting thing for me to watch. very realistic, isn't it? >> jimmy: so realistic that i texted mike, like an idiot, "was that real?" he's like, no, of course that wasn't real! [ laughter ] >> so did i. cgi. >> jimmy: i was like, is that real? >> i mean, really. [ applause ] >> jimmy: everyone laughed at me but i thought it was real. >> i mean, when i was watching it, i was taken aback as well.
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because i, you know, in my sort of audience mode was like, that looks so real, did i actually do that? >> jimmy: the idea that it was cgi. i had this vision of some talented cgi artist who just got off "the lion king" or "jungle bi book" and now is like, what the hell do they want me to do? [ laughter ] >> i have to tell you, the props department was very excited to create the poop. >> jimmy: so there was practical poop? >> yeah, there was practial poop. then they decided to go with cgi. not because the poop didn't look so good. i said to the prop guy, how? this is sort of joking. "this looks amazing, how did you guys do that?" he spent three minutes explaining how he did it. the different chocolate bars, the honey, the kind of things that -- okay, maybe too much information. >> jimmy: wow. >> they did an amazing job. >> jimmy: they did. you're so good in this. i mean, really. it's so -- i don't feel like i've ruined it to say that. if you do see it, it's just quite a conclusion.
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there's going to be another season. it was supposed to be a limited seri series, one shot. >> yeah. >> jimmy: now they're doing another one. are you in the next one? can you say? is it one of those things? >> i'm -- i'm not in the next one. there is -- one of the actors from the first season is in the second season. >> jimmy: okay. >> but i mean, it was written as a sort of pandemic show. >> jimmy: right. >> it was -- it came out of the pandemic, and it was just like a one-time thing. but because it kind of hit well, they sort of have rolled it into a second season. >> jimmy: was the actual hotel manager on site as you were shooting this? >> we had kind of a skeleton staff at the hotel. so i didn't get to really sort of observe the hotel manager and sort of get tips for my character. but it did make me super aware of not being the obnoxious kind of guest, you know that we had. >> jimmy: right, yes. >> there was a day when i was you know -- because it was skeleton staff. so things weren't running super
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smoothly, as they wouldn't be, with not many staff. and my laundry wasn't back. dammit, my laundry's not back, it's been two days. i was about to pick up the phone and become that obnoxious character from "white lotus." i was like, i can't do this. it was good. i hope that show makes us reflect a little on not becoming the obnoxious monsters that we can turn into. >> jimmy: i tell you, every time either my wife or i is complaining about something we shouldn't be complaining about, we'll say to the other, "don't be white lotus." [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> it's a good reference point to remember. >> jimmy: it's a great reference point. it's like gaslight became a term, white lotus should be its own term now too. >> exactly. >> jimmy: congratulations on the role and how beautifully you played it and all the awards nominations. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's called "the white lotus." it's on hbo max. murray bartlett, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] thanks, murray are real be back with pj morton!
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>> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. the kfc chicken sandwich is only served one way: straight from the fryer, piping hot, and kentucky fried to order. if you don't like it this way, you'll have to go somewhere else. kfc. it's finger lickin' good.
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hi, i'm debra. i'm from colorado. somewhere else. i've been married to my high school sweetheart for 35 years. i'm a mother of four-- always busy. i was starting to feel a little foggy. just didn't feel like things were as sharp as i knew they once were. i heard about prevagen and then i started taking it about two years now. started noticing things a little sharper, a little clearer. i feel like it's kept me on my game. i'm able to remember things. i'd say give it a try. prevagen. healthier brain. better life.
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>> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: well, thanks to julie bowen and murray bartlett. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. tomorrow night, arnold schwarzenegger and rachel wolfson. "nightline" is next, but first, here with the song "please don't walk away," pj morton! [ ee ♪ ♪ ♪ it's never gone this far ♪ ♪ it's never been this bad but i won't let it erase the memories ♪ ♪ of good times we've had and even with everything that we've been ♪
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♪ going through you never have to ask me i still choose you ♪ ♪ oh girl omy ve ♪on't walk away ♪ please don't walk away from my love i hope you can ♪ ♪ hear my heart i hope it's speaking clearly ♪
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♪ i don't wanna be apart i just want you near me please don't walk away ♪ ♪ from my love please don't walk away from my love ♪ ♪ please don't walk away from my love please don't walk away ♪ ♪ from my love ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ yeah oh yeah yeah hey ♪ ♪ ♪ your love yeah yeah whoa whoa yeah ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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tonight, locked out of the american dream. >> my bankers always have to go to the underwriters and fight for me. why do you have to fight for me when i'm meeting all the criteria that you told me i needed? >> an abc news investigation revealing gaping racial disparities in housing. >> we have never as a nation gone all-in on fair housing. >> inside the most segregated big city in america. >> you can't just fix this. generations of white families have been enriched by these maps. >> plus the community built against all odds. >> they are trying to steal what we have already established. they are trying to steal our community. >> now fighting to survive. this special edition o


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